Change Is Not Linear (S21E6)

Today was the last day of IMMERSE, my year-long group programme, and I’m still feeling the tenderness of that ending. In our final session, one of the group said, quite simply, that change is not linear. It stayed with me, and that’s where this episode began.

It sent me back to one of the earliest poems I wrote for My Darling Girl, from the very start of my own long and winding experience of change. It’s a poem about the estuary: the rise and fall of the tide, the times we’re left stranded high and dry, and the times we’re swept somewhere we never expected to go. I read it to you here, and then sit with what it stirs.

There’s a lot in this one I think I needed to hear myself. It touches on what happens when we drift up into our heads, the treasure we gather along the way, and a small silver necklace that reminds me I can be both the river and the tree.

If the poem speaks to something in you, perhaps a change you’re in the middle of or one you’ve recently come through, I’d love to hear.

If you’re curious about IMMERSE, the new cohort begins towards the end of November. It’s a small group, travelling together through a year of deep work with The Heart of Change. Do get in touch if it calls to you.

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What is everyday compassion with Henny Flynn?

'everyday compassion with Henny Flynn' is a space to settle in, listen, and see where the episodes take you. It's an invitation to travel deeper, using compassionate self-enquiry.
Henny is a writer, teacher and guide. She shares insights from her own life, alongside practices that help us connect with our inner wisdom, explore our relationship with change and find a greater sense of flow. Henny believes we all hold our own answers, so you won't find one-size-fits-all solutions here. This is a space to be with what's true for you, and to grow from there.
Drawing on psychology, mindfulness, therapeutic coaching and flow journaling, each episode explores the small, everyday ways compassion can help us step further into our inner worlds, and shape the changes we seek in our outer worlds.
If you're drawn to slowing down, listening in and simply seeing what emerges, you're very welcome here.

Henny Flynn: 00:01

So today saw the last day of IMMERSE, the year long group programme that has been running for the past, you guessed it, twelve months. And it was deeply moving to acknowledge the ending of our time together and also to look forward into whatever new might be beginning from this point of ending. During the session one of the wonderful souls who have been gathering with me for the past year mentioned that change is not linear and it inspired what I d love to talk about today. Welcome to Everyday Compassion with me Henny Flynn. This is the same podcast with a brand new name to reflect the heart of what we explore here.

Henny Flynn: 01:12

The small everyday ways compassion can help us in making and managing change. This is a space to settle in, to listen and see where the episode takes you. So my sense is that sometimes when we're deep in this work of change it can be easy to forget some of these fundamentals, know these absolutely universal truths that change is not linear, It doesn't follow a fixed path. We meander and sometimes we pause, sometimes we lie down and rest deeply in the process. Sometimes it feels like we're going round in circles, sometimes it feels like we're climbing a mountain, Sometimes it feels like we're being washed through the valley by the river or the flooded stream.

Henny Flynn: 02:35

And it just struck me that recognizing this, recognizing this fundamental universal truth and remembering it can sometimes be the thing that we most need. And as I think through the work that I'm doing, because you know, this work never stops, the work of paying attention to ourselves, of observing how we are showing up in different situations, in conversations, in the ways that we relate to other people, the ways that we relate to ourselves. You know, this work, this work of observation and attending with kindness, that is, it's never ending. And there's something there about what I've just shared actually, this idea of observing and attending with kindness. It's a mnemonic that I shared with the group in the field this week.

Henny Flynn: 04:00

I've had both the field and IMMERSE this week. Just so you know the difference. So, the field is a much more open, spacious, more people, you know, we're sort of, we're exploring in lots of different ways, creating space around ourselves as we do that work. And with Immerse, we're kind of diving in to the work, diving in to the deep work through using my book, The Heart of Change and it's much more of a programme, It's much more of a kind of guided practice, very individual, very unique, but still a guided practice. So anyway, I've had the field and IMERSE running this week.

Henny Flynn: 04:59

And... Oh, that's so interesting. Yeah, I've lost my thread, which of course sometimes happens. I think I sort of went up into my head and, you know, started sharing facts and information with you and came out of that sort of central place in the body. And and so where that takes me is that that's okay.

Henny Flynn: 05:41

I hope it's okay for you too. I mean, this feels very deep. It feels like there's something very, very deep if I can't keep my eyes open as I sort of sit in this feeling of the importance of remembering this ebb and flow of change. And actually, what I was thinking of before I began recording here today was one of the poems that I wrote in My Darling Girl. And it was one of the first few, first handful that I wrote when I was really embarking on my own never ending journey of change.

Henny Flynn: 06:39

And I'd love to share that poem with you and just see whether it speaks to something that you maybe innately understand about your own way that you navigate change or your own experience of change. Maybe it speaks to something that you're feeling right now. One of the lines is it's about the ebb and flow of the estuary. You know, that feeling of like, oh, it comes in waves, this work of change. Maybe it sparks a thought of something that you have recently been through.

Henny Flynn: 07:31

Maybe it helps you bring a little more compassion to yourself or to others about perhaps changes that you see others are going through right now. Let's see. Let's see what thoughts it, what feelings it evokes as I read it to you. So, it's from my book, My Darling Girl, and the reason why the book is called My Darling Girl is because each of these poems felt like a wiser, kinder part of me was writing to me, perhaps to a younger part within me, the girl, the adolescent, the young woman. And my darling girl is such a term of endearment.

Henny Flynn: 08:27

If it doesn't speak to you, then simply translate it as my darling. That's okay. So, darling girl, change is not linear. It ebbs and flows with the waters of the estuary. The rising tide carrying you in her arms, rushing into an inlet and returning you back as fast from whence you came at times she strands you on the sands high and dry I see your fear you may never feel her rush and tug once more or you despair the wildness of her pull swept off your feet into channels unforeseen At times the water's rise is too subtle for your eye.

Henny Flynn: 09:28

You wait impatient for land to fall away from beneath your feet But your ancient heart feels the timeless current and knows that all is flow. And so, fall in again with the streaming tide, gather experience as shingle from beaches you pass by and release them to be pulled back out to sea and gather more again. Each time you bring new treasure scattered with precious pearls of wisdom that do not slip your hold and so your progress ebbs and flows and you change. Learning, the only constant, is the constancy of life's tide drawing you ever inward, outward, onward. Gosh, it's a long time since I've read that poem and I'd forgotten that feeling that's so delicious, maybe this is why it's feeling so deep inside me.

Henny Flynn: 10:47

It feels so delicious to remember those feelings of almost like lament when we've been through a period of change. You know, that we've sought or maybe not something that we directly sought, but that has been... Where we've grown through that process. And then almost that feeling of lament that it's like, oh, oh, is that done now? Oh, is everything just gonna stay like this again now?

Henny Flynn: 11:26

You know, all those feelings that like, oh, like the big yearning for change to happen. But it's happening too slowly, you know, there are circumstances out of our control that mean that whatever the change is that we're seeking, you know, it can't quite happen as fast as we want it to. And of course, there are those other times where change feels like it is overwhelming us. It is rushing us and filling our airways and we don't know how to keep our heads above the water. And yet this poem, this guidance, this advice that came through my pen onto the page somehow, It's a reminder that we we we go with what is happening.

Henny Flynn: 12:30

Your ancient heart feels a timeless current and knows that all is flow. My gosh, isn't that such a beautiful, a beautiful phrase that like deep within us. We know beyond all doubt. We know with total certainty that all is flow. It's just this human part that sometimes forgets this head that gets caught up a bit like, you know, earlier when I lost my train of thought, you know, went up into my head and lost the connection with what my body was trying to say and in the same way, I think often, I mean, isn't that lovely how things relate but often, you know, when we're sort of trying to navigate something or trying to create something or make something happen or manage change in our lives, that it's when we go up into our heads that things actually get more complicated.

Henny Flynn: 13:41

I'm not saying that you know our heads aren't wonderful, like our minds are absolutely wonderful, they're so good at analysis and, you know, detailed problem solving, but the wisdom of our body, the wisdom of this deep, wise self that resides within us. You know, when we forget that part, when we forget that deep knowledge that lives within us, I think everything gets a little bit trickier. And also there's something else here as well about this idea of, you know, as we move along, you know, as we're washed in and out with the ebb and flow of the waters of the estuary, as we're washed out to sea and then drawn back into the land, that we gather things along the way. So, even though the journey, you know, might look very similar, what we gather with us is very different. And I love this idea of you bring new treasure scattered with precious pearls of wisdom that do not slip your hold.

Henny Flynn: 15:10

Isn't that delicious too? That with the wisdom, you know, amongst all of the stuff, all of the shingle from the beaches that we we gather to us, these these experiences that we gather to us in and amongst all of it, There are these pearls of wisdom that we're able to hold onto, whether we know it or not. They stay with us. And of course, then they're there for us when we need them. We just need to pause and listen and sit with ourself and allow ourselves to remember.

Henny Flynn: 16:07

And I think there's something else about this idea of remembering that all is flow, that if we release ourselves from that illusion of control that Tara Brack speaks of, we release ourselves from that illusion of control, then we can stay in the flow. And actually even if the change is running fast, sometimes maybe when we're really present with ourself and allowing what's unfolding to unfold. Maybe we're still able, even in those times of movement, to be able to be still enough listen to the wisdom that we have gathered to us from all the other experiences of change that we've faced into in the past. As with so many of these moments of connecting with you here and connecting with whatever it is that sends these words out through me, the ether, into these episodes. I feel like there's so much in there that I have been seeking to hear myself, seeking to remind or remember, remember into myself.

Henny Flynn: 17:53

So, you know, this often feels quite indulgent. It's like, this is my is my place of learning. But isn't that wonderful too that we're all we're all on our own path? I was talking to the IMMERSE group today and just saying that, you know, for me, so much of this work, this really deep work, it's really about accompanying ourselves on our own journey home. And home can mean so many different things in this context.

Henny Flynn: 18:45

I suppose, for me, the kind of simplest or the kind of cleanest concept is coming home to myself, you know, welcoming all of my parts, all the different parts of me, some of which had been so scattered, abandoned, put away in safe places, almost lost, it's felt at times with some, and slowly over the years, you know, welcoming each part home. And I think that is the path and Ramadan speaks of we are all walking each other home. I think that's such a beautiful concept. So, as we are each on our own path, all paths ultimately converge in this one place of home. If you have a spiritual practice, maybe that means something, you know, in a sort of spiritual concept for you.

Henny Flynn: 20:00

Maybe it's easier to just stay with this idea of coming home to self. Maybe those two things mean the same thing. And I think as we move through life, as we move through all of these changes, this ebb and this flow, as we move through everything that life offers us and life offers us it all without judgment of what is good or what is bad, it's just all offered, it is there for us to experience and we can resist it or we can accept it, receive it, run with it. That's a choice that we make. That each of these things that life offers us and all of the changes that we navigate throughout the whole of our lives.

Henny Flynn: 21:20

There's something here about being able maybe to sort of see, to see from above and to feel from deep below, as above, so below, are when. To see from above and to feel from deep below, And to hold ourselves with kindness through it all. And to hold each other with kindness through it all. Because when we're able to be up high, to see, then we can also see that everybody else is also in the ebb and flow of change and navigating their own pathways through home, to their home, to our shared home. And when we can anchor ourselves deeply, then it means that even though we can move with the flow, it doesn't feel quite so scary.

Henny Flynn: 22:33

We always remember that we are rooted into the earth too. I wear a necklace and it was made for me by someone very dear. And the front of it to me looks like a waterfall pouring into a green valley. And this wonderful woman who made it, on the reverse, carved a tree into the silver casing. And I have this sense for myself that I am the river and the tree.

Henny Flynn: 23:14

So I am the river flowing and I am the tree rooted. And I think even though those two concepts can be paradoxical, there's something really beautiful about being able to hold the experience of both as we navigate all the things that life has to offer us. Wow. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here.

Henny Flynn: 24:10

I feel such a privilege to spend this time with you. It feels right to share that if you are curious about this deep immersive work of IMMERSE then we're now starting to welcome the new cohort in. We begin toward the end of November. It's a small group, it's beautiful. My experience of this year has been astonishing and I'm so grateful to every single person who joined me this year and I'm curious to see who signs up to begin their own journey in November that I will travel with with another group of curious travelers through the next twelve months as we navigate this ebb and flow of change.

Henny Flynn: 25:27

So if that caused you let me know. Okay all right my darlings I send you love and a hug and away