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A conversation about what challenges men— in love, in sex, and in money.
Good afternoon, good evening.
What is up?
Another episode of the Manxiety Podcast.
This time in a weird way, I'm really speaking to the hearts of men and the women that are
dating and married to these men.
I wanna help expose a little bit of clarity and leave you with...
practical, actionable steps to move forward.
I've uncovered a huge blind spot.
I love the term blind spots.
I've been using the term blind spots in a lot of my emails.
I think I will do that for every single email and podcast that I ever do from now on,
because the way that we tackle our blind spots very openly, humbly is the degree of
transformation that we're going to have to change.
Carl Jung said,
unless we make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you'll call it fate.
In other words, unless we take what's been unconscious to us, which is what a blind spot
is, it's something that I'm unconsciously doing.
Like if I'm constantly interrupting, this is what I would do with my friend Russ, Dr.
Russ, I would constantly interrupt him and I didn't know that I was doing it and he would
point it out to me and other people on podcasts and
People would say, don't interrupt him.
And I'd be like, what the hell?
And I realized it was an unconscious response to feeling like I needed to get my point
across just like when I was younger with my brother.
And so because Russ is like a brother, unconsciously he will activate certain parts of me
that would cause me to react just like when I was younger.
This is what an unconscious, this is what a blind spot actually is.
And we all have them.
for us to say that we don't have them would be equivalent of being like Donald Trump
saying, I'm perfect, I have no blind spots.
That's not true, we all have them, we can't see them and that's why we need one another.
And unless we take on our blind spots with a heroic amount of courage and humility, we
will forever be stuck repeating certain patterns.
Let me say that again.
Unless we take on the exposure of our blind spots with courage and humility, we will
forever be finding ourselves under these repetitive patterns, wondering why you keep
dating the same type of person, same person, different haircut.
I saw one woman a couple of weeks ago, four marriages and divorces, another woman, seven
marriages and divorces.
Huge f***ing blind spots.
It's painful for me listening because I see them.
See them in the emails that you send me, I can feel them.
And the reason why I left chiropractic, if you know a little bit about my history, I'm a
doctor of chiropractic, the reason why I left chiropractic was because I kept seeing
people's blind spots coming in with chronic pain.
And I wanted to tell them, you're holding on to this because it's getting you attention.
You don't wanna heal from this because it's getting you a compensation check.
You're holding on to all of this that's happening in your neck because of what's happening
in your marriage.
You're not dealing with it.
And people will get f***ing triggered.
They would get like, what the hell?
You're here to crack my neck.
And I was like, you're right.
You're absolutely right.
And I can't do this anymore.
Eventually it was about 2013 when I said, I want out.
I want to just talk to people that are willing.
to have their blind spots revealed so that they can heal.
Because if you're not willing to have your blind spot revealed, you're basically saying,
no, no, no, just keep me in the dark.
I know what's best for me.
And I don't want to deal with the truth because the truth f***ing hurts.
And I'd rather just lie to myself.
And I was like, it doesn't feel good to work with those people.
So I did what every chiropractor, almost, I would say 90 % of chiropractors dream of
doing,
who've been doing it for more than 20 years is to leave chiropractic and really delve into
teaching where health truly comes from.
There are chiropractors out there that truly love it.
It's their art and I respect them.
I love going to get adjusted by them.
And then there's other chiropractors that clue in after about 10, 15 years or your body
worker or your massage therapist or your personal trainer or your physical therapist or
your osteopath or naturopath.
They all
who's been really paying attention and who've really been walking the path of healing, not
just kind of like hanging their shingle, hanging their diploma on a shingle and saying,
hey, I'm there, I'm done.
No, no, A true healer is a, it's a path.
It's a walking path that they're living themselves.
Anybody who's done that for more than 10 years will tell you that there's a lot more to
why the person is sick
than what they know, and this is where the blind spot comes in.
So now I run an Academy, it's called The Cycle Breakers Academy of people that are
willingly wanting to look at their blind spots and then actually make the shifts so that
they can produce different results so they can stop blaming other people.
And when I've been getting on calls with women over the last couple of like a month,
over 30, now over 40 of these calls, I had these massive, I was helping them with blind
spots.
I was like, listen, if you're willing to have me tell you, and you're willing to just
listen from my intuitive kind of sense and my experience of 20 years of being a
chiropractor, and then working through my own trauma bond, healing from codependency,
becoming the type of person that went from avoidant, not able to commit to a woman,
constantly being looking for sxxual validation outside, not being satisfied with one, to
now being a family guy, beautiful three -year -old, he's almost four, he turns four in a
few weeks, and the recording of this, and we genuinely love being with one another, and
we're having better s*x now than we did before we had a kid.
And I'm not saying it was easy to get there, and I'm not saying it was just automatic
without a little bit of work, without a lot of work,
that continues to this day.
So I'm speaking because the work actually lives in my bones.
And today I'm actually wanting to help men with a specific pattern that I've seen, which
is three blind spots as well.
There's many more, but there's three big ones that I wanna share of why she wants to leave
you, even if you're f***ing loaded, even if you're a multimillionaire.
That doesn't matter.
I've worked with several kind of high profile cases that have empires that have businesses
that have big audiences, seem to attract those types of, people because I was one of those
people with a big audience living some sort of incongruency that was that blew up in my
face because of my inauthentic way of being.
There was a situation where.
the police were involved because our, relationship before I was in this marriage was
volatile.
We were doing great work, but I hadn't healed at a somatic level.
I hadn't healed my attachment wounds.
I didn't know what a trauma bond was.
I didn't understand how to integrate a trigger.
When we were triggered, we were involved in the anxious avoidant infinite loop of doom
dance where her
anxiousness pushed my avoidance away, needing more space, which caused her to be more
pushy and more controlling deep in her masculine, which had me just wanting to run or get
aggressive.
And there was violence and we were abusive to one another and the police had to get
involved.
And I pled guilty in a court of law because I actually slapped her and I had to figure out
how did I get there?
How do I make sure this never happens again?
And can I have a relationship that feels safe?
And what I discovered was that I hadn't healed at a somatic level my attachment wounds and
my deep need for external validation caused me to choose a relationship and be engaged and
ensnared in what's called a trauma bond.
This push and pull dynamic.
Come close to me, I need your validation.
The sxx is amazing.
and then all of a sudden just being consumed to the point where I lose myself.
I'm disconnected from my purpose.
I am not connected to my family, who I am, and there's a blurred boundary between where I
am and where she begins, which is called enmeshment.
It's a lack of energetic boundary.
At first, when the sxx is good, it's really good, but this lack of boundary causes us to
have what's called enmeshment,
where their feelings become our feelings.
There's no separation between the two.
And this becomes a volatile push and pull dynamic.
And I'm writing a book about it called Becoming Trigger -Proof, a guide to breaking free
from trauma bonds, healing codependency, and attracting secure love.
It's coming out next year and I'm totally stoked to be sharing the journey with you.
And what I've learned in working with these men who are super duper successful,
multimillionaire getting to a point where they built their finances to the point where
they're living off their investment.
They're not having to work so much.
They're doing very well.
And then the breakdown occurs.
The woman wants to leave.
She's done.
She's had it.
There is this anxious preoccupation with him needing to validate,
get his validation from her.
She's shut down sxxually.
She's not turned on.
She's possibly even entertaining, dating other men, talking to other men, flirting, maybe
even f***ing.
I've worked with that situation where there's an infidelity, there's a wake up call that's
happening because he felt like, I'm just gonna be successful and then I'm gonna live the
easy life, right?
And then now she's talking about a divorce.
And so I'm gonna talk about the three major blind spots that results from this, that
causes this.
Why would a woman who's got all of her financial needs met
who has a guy who's willing to just give whatever, do whatever, do anything to please her.
And she just wants no part of him.
She's wanting to, she's fantasizing about the other guy down the road.
She's f***ing Chad over there down the street in the neighborhood.
Or she's just checked out.
There's no sxx, there's no openness.
She feels resentful.
You know, maybe it's polarity thing.
Maybe we'll learn how to communicate with masculine and feminine communication.
Maybe that'll be the fix.
And while learning how to do masculine feminine communication has been a game changer for
me after I worked on healing my secure attachments.
What I discovered is that using masculine feminine communication and using polarity
without healing the enmeshment, the attachment wounds first is much like driving a
Ferrari,
without a driver's license, learning how to drive a Ferrari without a driver's license.
And polarity is an amazing tool, but what I've observed is that it's only really effective
on the other side of healing from our attachment wounds.
This is another blind spot that I've observed in learning polarity and being in courses
and stuff is that the polarity work is amazing, but if you're still emotionally immature
and you're needing
externals to validate you, then you're going to use the polarity work to attract someone.
And it's very magnetic.
Well, with our students, when they start applying it, they're like, holy shit.
People are, are treating me different.
This one of my clients, his name is Curtis anxiously attached, could not find a girlfriend
in all of his life.
You always friend zone, even though he's super duper successful, super duper good looking.
He's an entrepreneur.
He's got a lot going for him.
But after about
Three months, she friendzones him because his anxious attachment takes over.
And now after working with him now for only three months, he now has a girlfriend.
He's shifted, he's claimed her.
She's all in, she's fully surrendered, she's feminine.
She's like, wow, this is amazing.
And they've kind of like starting to talk about moving in and slowly kind of titrating a
secure relationship.
And he's like, I've never had a relationship like this before.
And she's never.
and though she's beautiful because of all of her past wounding, her traumas, she had not
really felt safe enough in being in a kind of fully claimed relationship.
So this is a first for both of them.
They've never experienced secure relationship and they're learning it as they go because
of these three blind spots that were revealed.
So without further ado, I'll let you know what they are.
Number one.
why she wants to leave you even if you're rich.
The first one is because of an unresolved anxious attachment.
This anxious attachment, even though you're super duper successful, you could be super
duper successful.
This anxious attachment actually puts you on the underdog status.
It pedestalizes the other person.
It sets up a container where you are unfulfilled without their validation and approval.
And even though you could be crushing it, making seven to 10 figures, whatever, eight
figures, you know, a year, the anxious attachment within an energetic relational dynamic,
even though at work, you're a boss in the confines of a relationship after about the six
months to the 18 month mark of dating.
That's the magic time,
where your anxious attachment comes up, where all of your unresolved attachment wounds
start to come up and you start to take on the posture of the one who's in the underdog.
You immediately, no matter how much money you've made, you immediately have put yourself
in the underdog situation and she can feel that and deep down she will feel anxious.
She cannot surrender to that feeling.
of having a man show up as an anxious attachment.
It just doesn't feel safe.
She wants to be the anxious one, not have her man be the anxious one.
That's the first one.
When we don't get this right, you are constantly chasing, you're putting on a mask, you're
hiding parts of yourself, you're constantly like posturing and you're needy for external
validation.
And even if you do marry this one, you're gonna want to do what I did.
In my first marriage, which is to seek that validation outside when my wife wasn't giving
it to me the way that I thought that she should.
Some of our, my clients, they'll use prostitution, they'll use sxxting, they'll use
fantasy, they'll use pornography.
And that erodes our masculine core.
And that disconnects us from our cock, our spine, our heart,
our purpose, which leads me to the second blind spot of what causes a woman to want to
leave, even if you're rich.
The second is her man is disconnected.
It's because you as her man are likely disconnected from your purpose, from a purpose
that's greater than just making money, a purpose that's greater than just getting her
validation.
A man who's connected to his purpose is willing to be,
disapproved of, is willing to hear rejection and it not sway him from his center.
It's like me coming and sharing with you my journey, knowing that some of you are gonna
get super f***ing triggered and think that I have no right to be talking about
relationships with the history that I have.
Knowing that that is going to happen and I'm still showing up and telling you what I think
is a very important truth for you to learn if you want to have any chance
of getting what you want in your relationship, which is what you deserve.
You just gotta be willing to tell the f***ing truth.
You just gotta be willing to get off your high horse.
You gotta be willing to get off your low horse.
You gotta be willing to humble yourself.
And so when you show up disconnected from your purpose, which isn't your fault, it's like
not something that we learn in school, it's this experience of being in service to
something greater than yourself.
A woman finds that super hot about you.
And when you don't have that, a man who's not as good looking, not as rich, but is
connected to something greater, she will feel a magnetic pull towards.
But the blind spot is most of these men have made their entire purpose getting her f***ing
validation.
And when a woman will often say that she will often say, I want a man who makes me a
priority.
No, she doesn't.
She thinks that that's what she wants.
That's her woundedness talking.
A woman, a woman does not want her man, a queen does not want her man to make her his
purpose.
Of course, I'm not saying to make the purpose so important where you're basically ignoring
your woman.
I'm not saying that either.
There is a healthy alternative,
where a man is deeply grounded in a cause that's greater than himself, whether it be to
lead the family, whether it be to lead other men, whether it be lead a company to start a
company to create some sort of a vision, a woman gets magnetized by the vision.
That's what causes her to surrender and want to open up in every way.
And if you're not connected to your purpose, she inherently doesn't feel safe.
in opening up to you, especially if you make her validation of you your purpose.
And then she won't know how to articulate it.
She will cause start nagging and whining and complaining because I'm just not happy.
Just not getting my needs met.
I'm just not this.
And she won't know what it is.
So it'll come off as controlling, as whining, as emotional, as overly sensitive, as
ungrateful.
And what will happen is, unfortunately,
Because she doesn't yet know, this is what I help women with, is how to communicate those
feelings and those experiences without blame and shame and judgment, which cause us men to
go in our defensive.
They don't know that.
They don't know how to, if they haven't had the training, they don't know how to
communicate that.
They don't know how to integrate those kind of childlike parts of them, those entitled
parts of them, and then really communicate properly.
It comes out as judgment and blame.
And what happens is you get on the defensive,
because it activates your insecurity.
You think, God, why can't I win with you?
Haven't I done enough?
Look at all the things that I've done.
Let me make you a list of all the things that I've done.
Why can't you be more grateful?
What's the matter with you?
And what's happening is that makes sense that you feel that way because it puts us on the
downside, puts us on the back foot.
Because we're now looking and going, look, haven't I provided for you?
That was my first marriage, by the way.
I was like, I'm entitled to you.
putting me on a pedestal.
I was the narcissist.
I'm entitled to put to you putting me on a pedestal.
Look at everything I did for you.
Look at all the stuff.
You're living the dream.
So why aren't you more open?
Why aren't you more receptive?
Why aren't you nicer to me?
And I didn't know at the time that number three blind spot was that because I was
emotionally enmeshed with her,
I did not know how to emotionally attune to her and help her feel seen, help her feel
understood.
I would just get defensive and I would say you shouldn't be feeling that way because I was
enmeshed with my mother and I was reenacting all of that unresolved shit with mom with my
woman.
And so it took a big breakdown.
It might have to take that for you.
You might have to have her leave for you to wake up.
to actually do the necessary inner healing work to become more inspiring to her to open up
to rather than entitled.
Because that's the big blind spot as well.
If I could be honest with you, if you're open to the feedback of what I'm hearing from
these ladies is that every attempt, which is not perfect to share your feelings, which is
an attempt to connect, you interpret those bids for connection, which is all she wants
as criticism.
And you make it about you and you make it, poor me.
Why are you always criticizing me?
Rather than being able to integrate, being able to work with that shameful failure,
rejected little boy inside and be able to parent that little boy so that you can actually
help her.
You become the little boy.
You become emotionally immature,
which then brings out her emotionally immaturity.
And you're now a bunch of teenagers going back and forth, trying to have a power struggle.
And then you're like, maybe I should just start flirting and sxxting and using porn.
Boom, porn is never gonna reject me.
Boom.
And now the polarity and the intimacy starts to erode.
And now there's a lack of connection between the two of you.
And now you're gonna get those needs met with the children.
And this is where trigger warning, the term emotional incest comes in.
Think back to your childhood.
If mom and dad weren't connected, that energy of connection, if you had it downloaded to
you, you started to feel responsible for the opposite sex parent.
You became what's called enmeshed with them, that you're now the covert romantic partner
because mom and dad were disconnected.
And now because of the child coming into the picture and all your wounds coming up and you
have no f***ing clue what to do about it because you're not entitled to know if you
haven't had the training to learn and go into a therapist once a week and telling your
victim story and your venting isn't actually resolving it.
Then what's going to happen is you then get to reenact what happened with mom and dad and
you're now passing it down to the next generation.
And the trauma of the divorce
of the energetic breakdown of the connection goes into your children and they repeat the
pattern.
This is why I created the Cycle Breakers Academy, is to help people expose their blind
spots, to help people get honest and real, to help people take off the mask, to deal with
those insecure parts so that they didn't keep acting it out in these sxxual dynamics, to
do what I never learned how to do, which is to channel that sxxual energy, which is
creative energy.
It's beautiful energy.
We either suppress it and hide it,
because it's bad because of religious cultural conditioning.
Or we basically turn into complete, like I did, man -horse -lutz that just wanna f**k
everything that walks to get their validation through sxx.
And any time we have sxxual connection without emotional safety, it will become
destructive.
Why she wants to leave you even if you're rich, because of an unresolved anxious
attachment, because you're disconnected from a greater purpose, because you're an
emotional, how do I say it?
You're a child or a teenager emotionally.
You don't know how to be with your difficult emotions.
You don't know how to communicate them.
You don't know how to set boundaries.
You don't know how to communicate those boundaries in a really powerful, elegant, loving
way.
You are enmeshed.
In other words, you're stuck in a childlike state, trying to break free into adolescence
and you're seeking that intensity.
And you don't know how to channel that.
And none of this is your fault.
This is not about blaming men.
This is not about blaming women.
This is about elevating the conversation to being something about more than just blame.
Getting out of the victim story and understanding we're all victims and we're all
perpetrators in this cosmic dance.
And it's time to raise our hands and say, it didn't start with me, but it can end with me.
There's a new movie out about that, about domestic violence.
It didn't start with me, but it can end with me.
I'm going to make sure that my family system, my son doesn't get raised in that
environment.
And this takes me to my cause, my why.
When I put my head on the pillow every night, I ask myself, have I been able to serve?
What am I here to do?
I'm here to serve.
First, my family, my wife and my son, to have them have an amazing experience filled with
love and to serve my community of cycle breakers.
If you're listening, that means you're in it.
The algorithms found you because we are some sort of an energetic match.
And if we're not, that's okay.
I totally get it.
You click one button and I don't know, you know, ever have to hear from me again.
So you can, you can contain some of the rage and the hate or whatever that you have.
I get it.
I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but what I'd love to do is to offer anybody who fits
a specific criteria that I know that I can help.
I'd love to hear from you.
I'd love to hear more.
I'm listening.
I'd love for you to send me your backstory.
Send me the email, hit reply.
If you got this on email, put a content, put it in the comment on my Instagram at Dr.
Nima.
Follow me there.
Give me your backstory.
on social media, wherever I'm listening, I want to hear your backstory and tell me where
you're at.
These are the specific people that this type of work is for.
If you want to get to a place where you now have a woman that enthusiastically wants to be
with you, not out of guilt, she's not just with you for your money.
And she's not just with you out of pity, because you're going to turn into a f***ing three
year old if she leaves or you're going to hurt yourself.
You don't want her to stay with you for that.
And here's the key.
You're there, but you've also demonstrated some level of success in your professional
life.
Because if you are a man who identifies as that, but you haven't developed a sense of
boundary and a sense of assertion within yourself to produce some results in your
professional life, then your work is a little bit longer.
And I'm not the best person for you.
You would probably want to start with talk therapy, reading books, just get your shit
together to the point where you're now ready to do the deeper work.
And those who have actually produced results that tells me that even though the work is
difficult, you have the capacity if you're dedicated to something to be able to make the
shift to get to a place where your self worth is no longer
incumbent upon somebody else's validation or approval to you.
That is true devotional masculine leadership.
That's what attracts a beautiful feminine woman.
That's what softens and opens your woman up.
That's why she's so hard and kind of resentful because she's not getting that version of
you.
And if any of these blind spots that I shared resonate with you and you're actually
humble,
and open and you're ready to drop your ego and to put the narcissistic mask aside and to
learn how to become the type of man that has your woman enthusiastically surrendering to
you, whether you're with this woman or the next one.
You're in a should I stay or go scenario or you're single and you're like, there's
something that I'm missing.
My invitation for you is to send me your backstory.
Tell me what you're dealing with.
Tell me how
where you've been successful in your career?
Where have you demonstrated proficiency so that I can know that you have some resource,
inner resource to be able to step up?
Right?
You're not on a bed of quicksand is what I'm looking for.
And I want to hear from you and I want to see if there's any blind spots.
And what I'm going to get you to do is say, Nima, can I have some help seeing my blind
spots?
Put that in.
I'll read it.
If I can see it, I'll return.
I'll respond.
I'll reply to you.
If I have time, I'm doing my everesting challenge this weekend and I will hop on a call if
I feel the pull, if I'm feeling it, if I'm feeling that there's a genuine desire and
you're not just kind of like dilly -dallying, like it's f***ing go time.
Those are the people that I love working with guys like Joe.
who shifted their marriage around guys like Rob.
Rob who was in a push -pull dynamic trauma bond with an avoidant and he was the anxious,
he dropped in, did the work, let her go and is now in the most secure relationship ever
with a woman who is totally over the moon about like how lucky she is.
Grateful woman, a grateful, surrendered, respectful woman.
I want to hear from you if this is what you want.
It's possible.
It you're probably going to have to hear some critical feedback.
Your ego is not going to like it, but and it might feel like a kick in the dick.
But this is kind of like the big brother energy, strong, loving, masculine leadership that
is needed for men to give to men, rather than looking for a mother.
The reason why she wants to leave you is because she's
f***ing tired of being your f***ing mother or therapist.
And it's time for you to man up and step up.
Leave your takeaways in the comment section.
As always, I read them.
I'm curious and send me a DM with your backstory.
I'm listening.