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Welcome. I’m Easter Ellen.
I write stories, reflections, and imagined entire worlds. Some are arguably true, some are suspiciously borrowed from memory, some are robustly exaggerated, and some are made up entirely from the pure delight of imagining.
Mostly, I write what persists stubbornly enough that I can no longer ignore it.
If you enjoy these pieces, subscribe so you do not miss the next one.
You can find more of my writing, reflections, audio pieces, and creative work at easterellen.com.
You can also find me on YouTube at EasterEllen, where I share longer stories, thoughts, and conversations about change, choice, self-trust, and moving forward.
Welcome to Easter Ellen. This is the sister space for my writing and video channels. I read my selected piece of the day followed by whatever thread of thought may show up and let the work live in audio form. Content note. This piece contains scenes of parental panic and distress.
Easter:It may be upsetting to some listeners. Use caution if needed. Today's piece is called Sinking Ship.
Easter:The boat was sinking. It was clear that there was no hope.
Easter:All of us were battered by the 25 foot waves that were tossing the ship as if it were a toy. But that was not the worst thing. The worst had happened the night before. After arrogantly obliterating every safety boundary I had ever put for my 14 year old daughter on our Caribbean cruise, I ripped into her harder than I ever should have.
Easter:Fear made me cruel.
Easter:She took off without any money in a foreign country, ran to a taxi, jumped in, and was gone in seven seconds flat. That was all it took, and I was left shocked, bereft and directionless. How was I supposed to process that? 14 years old, and she disappeared into a taxi in nowhere land with no supervision. Usually calm, my composure had been decimated by the unimaginable stress I was enduring as I frantically searched for her.
Easter:Praying, praying, praying. Oh God, all I could do was pray. The boat was ravaging my body as I was thrown to and fro. My shoulders were bruised from slamming into the corridor walls. I felt beaten and broken in body and spirit.
Easter:Sharp pain screamed through my left elbow, but my fear almost silenced it. I was sure God was lamenting the sorrowful cries, having heard my prayers on repeat as I begged, pleaded and laid my mother heart open at least 1,000 times. My tears stung my cheeks, which earlier had become robbed with sunburn as I ran up and down the streets, uselessly hoping I could find one clue as to how, just how, to find my beautiful child. The howling wind assaulted my ears along with the sound of metal slowly folding into itself. And, oh, the screams, unbearable devastation rose from the depths of human souls crying out to heaven.
Easter:Oh, God. I did not want to hear this. I could not hear this. I cried for them. I cried for my daughter.
Easter:I cried. Oh, her beautiful face. It swam before me, pulling me, tearing me towards her wherever she was on that fate wrecked ship. The wind howled on as the waves raged against the ship's body. Surrounded by unbearable pleas, prayers, and cries to heaven, the one thing I just could not, could not take assaulted me.
Easter:Sobbing children. I shrank inside myself, not able to hear their little voices, so innocent and afraid. How could I stay oriented enough to look for my own? Panic broke through as I slammed my hands over my ears. I was already drowning in this hurricane from fear alone.
Easter:My own heart's cries were almost muted by the torrential despair around me. Everyone knew. Their story was ending. So was mine. Fear consumed me.
Easter:I could only think of my daughter alone somewhere on the ship, and the last words between us were still haunting me with their ugliness. I had to find her. I had to. My angry words hung like a thick, corroded shroud placed in the midst of our usual stream of laughter, love, thoughtfulness, and respect. I hated what I said.
Easter:I hated myself for saying it. I know it was from my stress and worries stretched open for the eight hours that we were on the island, but they were angry, ugly words. I had to find her. I had to, but I couldn't. I pushed against the crowds of terrified human souls living their last moments and still I could not find her.
Easter:The cold pelting water matched the, cold pelting water matched the rising terror in my chest. I could only imagine her level of panic as she searched for me with those damned ugly words the only bridge between us. Oh God, I was crying to myself at the thought of her beautiful face crumpling in terror, panicking and aching to find me. I couldn't, just couldn't let myself think of this. I just had to focus on finding her.
Easter:I did not want to name it, but the ending had already begun. I knew. I just knew. It couldn't end this way. We were so close.
Easter:The sparkle of her ocean colored eyes flashed before me the way she did as she laughed with her head tilted towards me. My heart collapsed. I couldn't bear the truth of what was happening or the thought that she might leave this world believing that I was angry with her. I knew her. She would be panicked, hyper focused, thinking, mommy is really angry with me.
Easter:I let her down so badly and now everything's over and I can't make her happy again. She had always cared so much. She'd always loved so much. Oh God, please help me to find her so that I can give her one last kiss on the cheek. So that she can see my face and know that all that matters is how much we love each other.
Easter:So that I can embrace her until the last wave overtakes us. Please, God. The ship tilted. I tasted salt, not from the sea, but from the tears falling as I sink into the last prayer for her, The prayer I never finished. Thank you for listening today.
Easter:Hit subscribe if you enjoyed this, and come back for more.