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What if you could get more of what you want in life? But not through pushing, forcing, or pressure.
You can.
When it comes to money, time, and energy, no one’s gonna turn away more.
And Kate Northrup, Bestselling Author of Money: A Love Story and Do Less and host of Plenty, is here to help you expand your capacity to receive all of the best.
As a Money Empowerment OG who’s been at it for nearly 2 decades, Kate’s the abundance-oriented best friend you may not even know you’ve always needed.
Pull up a chair every week with top thought leaders, luminaries, and adventurers to learn how to have more abundance with ease.
Even when I'm working with people 1 on 1, if they're dealing with something like, oh, well, I have this thing at work going on, but it's not as serious as my sister who's, you know, struggling with cancer treatment. It's like, you just can be going through that thing and you can be having a hard time in your marriage or at work or whatever. I guess the hard question is is I think that we're just in a society that teaches us to bring everything down, put it under the rug, and so now that we're in a changing society of bringing everything out, I think that there's going to be an in between until we get used to having those emotions present.
Kate Northrup:Today's episode is really nourishing. It's with Yasmin Cheyenne, who is the author of Wisdom of the Path. This is her second book, her first book is called The Sugar Jar. She is a self healing advocate, she works in mental health, and she really encourages people to live honestly and truthfully. And in this episode, we really dive into how to do that, and she gives 2 really practical practices to have the courage to be honest with yourself at the end of the episode.
Kate Northrup:You're gonna love that. Her work has been featured on the Today Show by In style and more. Check out the episode with Yasmin. Welcome to Plenti. I'm your host, Kate Northrup.
Kate Northrup:And together, we are going on a journey to help you have an incredible relationship with money, time, and energy, and to have abundance on every possible level. Every week, we're gonna dive in with experts and insights to help you unlock a life of plenty. Let's go fill our cups.
Voice Over:Please note that the opinions and perspectives of the guests on the Plenty pod cast are not necessarily reflective of the opinions and perspectives of Kate Northrop or anyone who works within the Kate Northrop brand.
Kate Northrup:Welcome. Thanks for being here.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Everyone's gonna think we took something. Yeah.
Kate Northrup:Oh, it's the first episode of the day. I was always, like, pretty giggly. I'm not sure why, but it's just I think it's probably because I'm caffeinated and, like, excited. Yeah. I'm a bit of a golden retriever.
Kate Northrup:So, okay. So when
Yasmine Cheyenne:did you start writing? I was 9, and a friend of mine and I had, like, a gossip column in 3rd grade. And I I wrote poetry, but we also wrote in that way. And I've just always loved writing. Yeah.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Amazing. Mhmm.
Kate Northrup:Well, I was talking with my best friend the other day about how because our girls are, like, 8, almost 9, and we were talking about how by that age, like, you kinda know what your thing is.
Yasmine Cheyenne:You really do. I mean, it's so interesting, though, because I think you can kinda get derailed. People try to encourage you to choose something serious or choose something real, which is definitely how I got veered off from writing, and I eventually came back to it.
Kate Northrup:How so you you were in the military for how many years?
Yasmine Cheyenne:5 years on active duty.
Kate Northrup:5 years on active duty overseas or here? Both? Both. Both. Okay.
Kate Northrup:And then when you came back, what can you tell me what happened between not came back, but, like, when you left the military, can you give me a little snapshot of what happened between there and when and how you found writing again, or were you you writing for yourself the whole time? Like, are you a journaler?
Yasmine Cheyenne:So I've always been a heavy journaler. Yeah. And in the military, I I served as a paralegal. I did a few things because when you're in the military, you do whatever they need you to do. But one of the things I did was paralegal work, and that required more writing than I would have ever expected.
Yasmine Cheyenne:And I found ways to make my legal writing creative. Like, I always found a way to incorporate what I love into what I do. When I got out of the military, I didn't really understand. I knew we were in a recession, but I didn't understand what that meant.
Kate Northrup:So was that 2,008?
Yasmine Cheyenne:This was 2,011. So we were 2,011. Like, there were no jobs. There was no anything. I didn't understand what that meant.
Yasmine Cheyenne:And so I just kinda went for it. I think the beauty of not understanding what it meant was not understanding the limits. Yes. And so, yeah, I decided to I I worked a couple of corporate jobs, but I continue to do what I loved on the side. And then by it took a while, but by 2016, 2017, my business was Things were taking off.
Kate Northrup:Was your primary platform that you started on
Yasmine Cheyenne:stylist, a a fashion stylist. Amazing. And what I started with styling, being a stylist, a a fashion stylist.
Kate Northrup:Amazing.
Yasmine Cheyenne:And what I did was you didn't come to me just for clothes. You came to me because I don't feel good about the way that I look in these clothes. And so it was less about the clothes, more about the feelings, and I kind of incorporated both of the things that I loved into 1. And then I would write about it. I would write about, what I I had a blog called Brooklyn Bradshaw, like Carrie Bradshaw.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Amazing. And I would write about it. And I don't know. Maybe my sister was the only person reading my blog, but it was a way for me to,
Kate Northrup:you know It only takes one.
Yasmine Cheyenne:It only takes one to get yourself out there
Kate Northrup:and keep you going. So you started a blog? I
Yasmine Cheyenne:started a blog.
Kate Northrup:Okay. And what year was that?
Yasmine Cheyenne:I wanna say 2013, 2012. Okay.
Kate Northrup:Yeah. Amazing. And then over time, it evolved, though. So when did you start, like, how did you find meditation and and the work closer to what you're doing now in terms of Yeah. Healing even though you were definitely doing healing work through style?
Kate Northrup:Work. I should know.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Right. So when I when I served in the military, I also got to be a a victim advocate, and that was basically supporting people who were victims of crimes, specifically sexual assault, domestic violence. That was probably my introduction into healing work, specifically trauma work, and more so through my own. I think most of us start that way. I needed healing to be able to hold space for the majority women and children that I was supporting, But I also wanted to be able to provide them with resources outside of just fill out this paperwork, and we'll get you here.
Yasmine Cheyenne:I know I knew we needed money, which was something that was, I think we don't talk about enough in, in victim advocacy. I knew they needed money and I knew they needed mental health resources to be able to get their families back, back up and running. So that was kind of my first introduction to advocacy. And then I thought, what happens to them when they leave, when these resources run out? And I began to get curious about, I knew I had a capacity to hold space for for tough stuff.
Yasmine Cheyenne:So I thought, how can I be a part of this? That seed was planted, but it didn't really begin to take off until years later. I would say around the blogging time period, I realized, yeah, fashion is not quite it. Like, yes, it's helping me reach people like we'd be in the dressing room. They're crying, I'm holding space, but this still is not quite what I'm supposed to be doing.
Yasmine Cheyenne:So I think there was like adjustments until I would say 2017. I decided to go full force. I had done the coaching course. I had done the meditation course. I had been practicing in my own life, healing and and doing all of the things.
Yasmine Cheyenne:And, actually, I'm sorry. 2014. I'm getting my dates mixed up. What is time? And I I started diving into it in real life.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Sharing it on social media had never crossed my mind. Okay. In 2014, Instagram was only a year old. Yeah. I was literally just using that for what everyone else is using it for, random pictures that had huge filters on them.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Like, that was it. It I never thought I should share my writing or I should share my thoughts online until 2017. Okay. That was why I was, like, thinking about that day.
Kate Northrup:And what happened in 2017 that made you start thinking about that?
Yasmine Cheyenne:A friend of mine said, your writing is really good. The things you say, like, just in conversation's really good. You should share them online. And I thought, nobody's gonna care. I mean, I had, like, what, 150 followers that were just people I knew.
Yasmine Cheyenne:And I just didn't see. I just didn't want to get caught up in what Instagram was becoming at that time from my perception, which was ads and a lot of just falsity. And I was under the impression that you could only be healing if you were doing the real work in person. And so I was like, you know, I'm really more interested in in real life that people can gain access to this work and have that transformation. I'm not so interested in a clickbait, but I was very wrong.
Kate Northrup:You were wrong that, a, you can't find healing through Instagram I was and, b, that people wouldn't be interested your writing on Instagram. And that's how I found you. Right. And more
Yasmine Cheyenne:importantly that
Kate Northrup:people can't find healing on Instagram. Right. Because my posts have
Yasmine Cheyenne:been the introduction to concepts that people never thought about. Yeah. And so I started sharing posts. And I think in a couple months, I think Kourtney Kardashian found one of my posts, shared it, and then it just kinda blew up from there.
Kate Northrup:Are one of 2 people I know whose platforms were expedited Mhmm. Through a Kardashian. It's That's amazing. A different kind of expedition. The blessing of the car of a Kardashian.
Kate Northrup:That's amazing. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Life is wild, isn't it?
Yasmine Cheyenne:It is wild.
Kate Northrup:It feels wild. But you were so prepared for that moment. Right? Like, that's not to me, and I'm curious what your thoughts are. That's not a luck moment.
Kate Northrup:To me, that's a grace moment and also a moment of, you know, you've been you've been doing this work for decades in many ways. What happened for you though, you know, that's that's definitely like a before and after, of course. What what came up for you internally about a heightened level of visibility that came quickly?
Yasmine Cheyenne:I'm still struggling with that. I think I have a I being a celebrity is one of my greatest fears. Mhmm. I'm very clear that I don't want to be. Like, if I was, it would be someone like, you know, Brene Brown or something.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Like, I'm sure she can walk around and, like, the paparazzi aren't following her. You know what I mean? Like, she can go
Kate Northrup:to the store. People bug her a lot.
Yasmine Cheyenne:I'm sure people bug her a lot,
Kate Northrup:but oh, shoot. But you know what I mean? When they're not, like, photographing her grocery shopping.
Yasmine Cheyenne:She could put a hat on if she and she'd be fine. Yes. So, you know, that is, like, the extent that I would ever want to go. So when I when that happened, all of my, like, I I don't wanna be doing this. Is this really what I want?
Yasmine Cheyenne:I don't really need this. All of those thoughts kind of started to creep up. And I've had to encourage myself to not get in the way of my destiny,
Kate Northrup:which
Yasmine Cheyenne:is really hard. We self sabotage unconsciously so often.
Kate Northrup:What are some of the ways that come up for you that you have to keep an eye on or bring some extra love to around self sabotage?
Yasmine Cheyenne:I mean, even after that share, and I've had many other big shares like that since then, I would still find myself saying, okay. I think I'm gonna get off Instagram, and I'm just gonna you know, I've gone as far as I think I wanna go with that. I I wanna come back to in real life. And, I have to I always come back to myself and I said, why can't you do both? Like, where is this world that you live in where you can only have one or the other?
Yasmine Cheyenne:I don't know if you agree with this, but I I feel a lot of pressure with social media, especially as it begins to transform. I want my work to stay as authentic as possible, And I do think that there is beginning to be a bit of performance that needs to happen in order for you to be seen. And if you're not seen, then it impacts your business, which is just a reality. And so I think that now that's more so the struggle that I am feeling within where I am trying to remain infinitely aware of all of the, all of the potential and also the reality that there is this, this, this change that's taking place that would, would
Kate Northrup:ever evolving I stopped doing my own Instagram, posts, like, actually creating all of them, about 9 months ago. And it's been one of the most liberating things I have ever done. Do they do as well? I don't think so. It's okay.
Yasmine Cheyenne:It's okay.
Kate Northrup:I I don't know. And I'm curious, like, now we're I'm now just like, we're gonna get in the weeds in your business, but you're if you are you also you're using an email list and growing it and connecting with people that way. Like, so to me, these larger platforms are a way to Reach. Gather people who then wanna build a more intimate connection, whether it's in person, in your healing spaces, like you said, or just on an email list or listening to a podcast. So to me, it's like, I'll cast the net wide, and if I need to dance on Instagram to do that every now and again, it's fine.
Kate Northrup:I'll do it anyway. And then, like and then come down. But I I get as a writer, like I too am am a writer, and I I don't use Instagram as much for that. And and I do miss that, so that's why I'm actually gonna come back to really being more intentional about blogging and working on the next book. And yeah.
Kate Northrup:And, you know, who knows? We'll see. Yeah. Okay. But you said last night Mhmm.
Kate Northrup:At this event that, we were at at Books and Books, you said I refuse to perform. Mhmm. And that's really it sounds like that's a theme with, you know, being afraid of being a celebrity. I refuse to perform. I won't, like, turn myself into a pretzel for what other people want.
Kate Northrup:Yes. And as your platform has continued to grow, as your work has continued to expand, have there been like, is there a moment you can remember that you could talk about that was, like, a crossroads of, like, they want me to do this, that, and that, but I will not perform that you could share with us?
Yasmine Cheyenne:It was, like, the vow that I made for myself when I started posting on Instagram. I will not like, in 2017, when I said, okay. I will give it. I said, I'll give it 6 months, and we'll see what happens. I mean, obviously, you could not have planned for what happened to me, but I said, I'll give it 6 months.
Yasmine Cheyenne:If it works, great. If it doesn't, I lost nothing. So I made the vow to myself that I would not perform in any way or show up in any way that I didn't feel authentic. Even when, like, video became popular, I was like, I'll do video because that's just an extension of my speaking. But, I'm not going to do anything that feels uncomfortable or feels like trying to
Kate Northrup:belong. Mhmm.
Yasmine Cheyenne:And I think that I enjoy social media. Like, as a consumer, I love looking at v videos, memes. Like, that's how like, I love language, memes for me and my friends. Fame. But I think when you are doing a meme and you are performing that that you are essentially an entertainer, which is part of your job.
Yasmine Cheyenne:I think when you are I like, I'm teaching self healing. I'm in the mental health space. It doesn't mean that it can't be fun, but also, what are we doing here, Right. If I'm not in that lane. And so I think for me as a recovering perfectionist, as someone who struggled with codependency in the past, as someone who's done all of that work, anytime I start to see those threads where I could easily just jump back on the bandwagon and be completely gone in performance, I'm, like, blinking
Kate Northrup:Yeah.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Red light.
Kate Northrup:Yeah. And it's really to come back to to, like, what is true and and beyond mission Right. Which you just articulated so perfectly. And I think all of us could really use that sort of statement Mhmm. To anchor us Mhmm.
Kate Northrup:Of, like, what am I doing here? I am a heal I'm in the healing space. I'm in the mental health space. Like, that is what I am doing. Mhmm.
Kate Northrup:And then running everything else through that filter of does that help me be on mission with this or not? And if not, it's so easy to get distracted by, like, I should be building out this funnel or whatever, and it's like, does that
Yasmine Cheyenne:to do with anything. Exactly. I'm down to have a good time. Like, my book, Launch Real, was, like,
Kate Northrup:greatest of all time. Loved it so much. It was, like, this is it made me really happy. Thank you. You brought me a lot of joy.
Yasmine Cheyenne:It was so much fun. And so I have, like, I have, like, these thoughts. Like, well, if it's fun and I'm enjoying myself, great.
Kate Northrup:Yes.
Yasmine Cheyenne:If I'm uncomfortable and I'm forcing myself.
Kate Northrup:Totally. Totally different thing. Yeah. Your first book was a lot about boundaries, the sugar jar. And I this is a very simple question, but I am curious.
Kate Northrup:What does a boundary mean to you? What is a boundary?
Yasmine Cheyenne:It's the rules that we set in place that dictate how we interact with each other. And I think no one likes to call it a rule, but I think that that is the essence of what a boundary is. It's not an ultimatum. Right. But it is, this is what's okay.
Yasmine Cheyenne:And this is what's what isn't okay. So I think when people hear rule, they automatically think, oh, you think you're in charge of me? You think you can control me? And it completely puts them off. And people are like, I don't wanna, I don't want you to think that you can control what I'm doing, but it's not about controlling you.
Yasmine Cheyenne:The boundary is for the
Kate Northrup:person who is setting it. It is for them
Yasmine Cheyenne:to control themselves. It is for them to compromise differently on what was okay and what wasn't. I think we'd be more honest with ourselves about what we're really willing to to do in our relationships or what we're really willing to show up for in our relationships. Yeah. But I think we look at it as an exchange of power Right.
Yasmine Cheyenne:When it's not about that.
Kate Northrup:Right. But it is about exercising our personal power over our own domain Yes. And our inside experience. Right? Yes.
Kate Northrup:Especially boundaries that we set with ourselves For sure. Which I think is a real tricky one for folks, at least for myself. What what was the one of the hardest or most important personal boundaries you ever had to set with you and yourself?
Yasmine Cheyenne:Being more present at home and not bringing so much work home. I think that when I got called out on that, I was like, first of all, you know, like Totally.
Kate Northrup:Like, who do you think pays for this? How do you think I pay for this?
Yasmine Cheyenne:Absolutely. Like, it totally went there. And then if I was on it when I when I was honest with myself this is why I always talk about, like, coming back to compassion and honesty with yourself, because I could make that all about they don't understand how hard this is. They don't get it. Blah blah blah blah blah.
Yasmine Cheyenne:But the truth is, you're on your phone, and you're working, and you're on calls when you're home all the time. Like, that's the truth. So a few years ago, I really had to make a change and decide how I was gonna show up, and it's the hardest thing to do when you have worked so hard for something, and it feels I mean, I don't know if you agree with this, but when you're a wife, when you're a mom, when you're a business owner running things, it feels like there's so much sacrifice that giving to doing what you want to do, like, just the one thing feels like the only thing you have control over. It's like, I have to give that up too. And then I have these thoughts too.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Like, well, if I was a man and I was working, I don't think we'd have the same conversation, which is also not true because I would say to my husband, hey. You're working all the time. Like, that's it's but it's these stories we create, I think, out of fear Yeah. Out of, discomfort with being confronted with the reality of my behavior, and also just in the cycle of overdoing, overgiving, overachieving, perfectionistic behaviors that need to stop in order for me to actually access the joy, connection, and peace that I that I want.
Kate Northrup:Yes. I I know I am not the only one that resonates with you listening. So in your second book, The Wisdom of the Path, which I loved, so beautiful. It's very gentle, but also powerful at the same time, which is a rare balance to strike, I think. And one of the things that came up several times that I wanted to talk about is this, because you talk about some of your past that was really intense and not in, like, ex you know, not in extreme detail, but enough information so we can kind of get the feel.
Kate Northrup:But then several times throughout the book, there are these moments where you'll highlight your own inner dialogue and what comes up as you're sharing those things, which was, is it even okay for me to share this because so many other people have so many other worse things, or you wrote this great chapter about going to see Elton John. And, like, you were, like, you know, I I'm, like, aware of my feeling of other people are gonna be judging me because, like, you know, we're not talking about, like, war or whatever. Right? And so I'm just curious. I wanna I wanna dig into that a bit.
Kate Northrup:It comes up for me as well. I know it comes up for a lot of people. We have a tendency in our culture to play the Trauma Olympics. Mhmm. And I'm curious in your healing work, why do you think that is that we compare our suffering with others and decide is ours valid enough to address or not?
Yasmine Cheyenne:Oh, man. I mean, I think Brene Brown coined it comparative suffering. Right? I think that we compare our suffering as a way of a survival. I mean, I have, like, I have deployed.
Yasmine Cheyenne:I grew up relative relatively, you know, lower class or social economically disadvantaged, I think, is the the term. And so having suffered, I guess, is my point, or having seen actual suffering, I think there's this automatic comparison to, like, is this a real issue here? It took so much work to begin to realize that this may not be as big of an issue as other things I've faced or things that other people in my life are facing right now. And in this moment, in my body, in my brain, this is a big deal.
Kate Northrup:It's real.
Yasmine Cheyenne:And I can have both of I can have all of those at the same time. There's been moments in my life where I've had, like, health scares, and I think those are the moments where you really realize it, like, quickly makes everything, you know, clear. Yeah. And I don't want every time that I value myself to be when I'm waiting for results on whether I have cancer or not or whether I have an issue with my pregnancy or whatever it is. Like, is that the barometer of what matters in terms of my emotions and well-being?
Yasmine Cheyenne:It just can't be that high.
Kate Northrup:Yeah.
Yasmine Cheyenne:So I I and that's kind of how I talk to myself internally. And and even when I'm working with people 1 on 1, if they're dealing with something like, oh, well, I have this thing at work going on, but it's not as serious as my sister who's, you know, struggling with cancer treatments. It's like you can have your sister can be going through that thing, and you can be having a hard time in your marriage or at work or whatever. So I I guess the hard question is is I think that we're just in a society that teaches us to bring everything down, put it under the rug. And so now that we're in a changing society of bringing everything out, I think that there's going to be an in between until we get used to having those emotions present.
Kate Northrup:What a good point. Yeah. It's a bit of a pendulum swing. Yes. Now you talked about, the conversations wisdom of the path, and how in your family, there's a history of not talking about the things that happened and just sort of pretending they didn't happen.
Kate Northrup:And, I'm sure we come from different backgrounds, but I have a similar, you know, same. Right? And I think a lot of families have that. Like, we you know, just whoop, which is strange that it happened. And I'm curious as you were choosing to have those conversations, what felt important for you about the particular parts of the stories you told, and how did you frame that for your family members in terms of, like, why this mattered to you and why you feel these stories matter to the collective?
Kate Northrup:Yeah. The first thing that was really important for me, for anything that happened. I think
Yasmine Cheyenne:that, I think that,
Kate Northrup:I
Yasmine Cheyenne:think that, I think that, I think that, I think
Kate Northrup:that, I think that, I think that, I think that, I think that, I think
Yasmine Cheyenne:that, I think that, I think that, for anything that happened. I think that we're all dealt very interesting decks of cards of life, and we're doing the best that we can. Now at the same time, I do also feel that there are moments in my life that could have been handled differently. And I think those are the other conversations that inevitably came up because of these discussions. But we can't change any of those things.
Yasmine Cheyenne:So it's more so just, an acceptance that I don't think would have been open to conversation had had this not been something I talked about in the book. The stories that I chose for the book were ones that I knew I needed to tell enough for people to understand why I was going through the emotional turmoil or understanding that I was or the the feelings that I was going through. Because had I left them out, it would have been like, okay. The Elton John story doesn't make as much sense if you don't realize where I came from.
Kate Northrup:No. It's, like still great. It's great, but it's, like, who cares? Yeah. It gives it a little more
Yasmine Cheyenne:It's a different right? The story about building community doesn't make as much sense until you realize that the community I had was one that was the the community I grew up in was I had a loving family, and, also, it was doused with a lot of codependency and abuse. So how I had to learn to undo a lot of those cycles and choose something different. And I think a lot of people are in similar situations where they are learning to undo them, and it doesn't actually feel possible. For me, for a long time, it didn't actually feel possible.
Yasmine Cheyenne:It was like, this is just a part of the family that I was brought into, and this is just who we are. And now I'm more so, like, actually, that is just what we were doing. We can stop and change and choose something different, or at least I can. So yeah. At least you can.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Yeah.
Kate Northrup:And you are part of the system, and the system changes when one person in the system changes Mhmm. Every time. What are those relationships like on the other side of those conversations? Like, what's happened what's happened on the other side in terms of your conversations or availability for connection?
Yasmine Cheyenne:Yeah. So, you know, my grandmother is, and I talk about this in the book. She's no longer living. So I do believe that the energy of ancestry is a clear energy where I think she would be really proud in her ancestor energy that I'm doing this. Yeah.
Yasmine Cheyenne:I don't know about her actual human energy. I think she would still have been proud, but I think she would have thought, I don't know if you need to share that. But the relationships with people who are still living, it's been such a change because now we're having to learn to interact with the truth. The truth has always been there. This was so interesting.
Yasmine Cheyenne:It's always been there, but now it's out. And so I think there's more capacity for love. I think there's more capacity for understanding and empathy. I have such a great admiration for my mom who has I just I I don't understand how she was able to do the things that she did and raise my sister and I, and for my grandmother as well, who was just trying to hold it all together, and was still able to give us such a great childhood despite all of the circumstances. So I think I have so much more empathy.
Yasmine Cheyenne:It gave way for the anger and resentment and a lot of the childlike feelings that I was still holding on to thinking that it was truth, but it was really just a lot of unknowns that I had made up stories to make sense of things that I didn't understand because nothing was explained because nothing is ever discussed. So now a lot of that can can be replaced with acceptance and truth and love, and that's been really, really wonderful and also hard at the same time. Yeah.
Kate Northrup:And I'm sure you work with plenty of people who try to have those conversations, and it doesn't actually create the connection or healing that they might have desired. Like, it might go worse than they had hoped or, you know, just lead to more disconnection or whatever. Do you think it's still worth having those conversations even if it I think if the person can't meet you there? So I
Yasmine Cheyenne:just wanna be clear that there was lots of disconnection before connection and for me and and and my family. So I say that to say, if we start before the truth was brought up, right, when it was all swept under the rug, we were in false connection. It was there was the disconnection was already present. So when you think about, is it worth having the conversation and potentially losing the relationship, well, the relationship is already built on false ness, so you would lose the falseness. You wouldn't lose the the relationship that you think you're in, if that makes sense.
Kate Northrup:Yes.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Like, when you're a marriage that's not working anymore.
Kate Northrup:Mourning a dream.
Yasmine Cheyenne:It's more a pretend. Yes. Right. We've we've been living in hope anyway, So the only thing that would be erased is the hope.
Kate Northrup:Yeah.
Yasmine Cheyenne:So when when it was all brought to the surface in my family, there was disconnection. But that was just the realization of the disconnection that was already present. Yes. And so the coming together part is not going to happen for everyone. And I do think that you have to ask yourself, can you have access to the peace that you desire in your life?
Yasmine Cheyenne:Can you have access to the love and relationships that you desire in your life while having this disconnected relationship? I know for myself and for many of the people that I have not met a single person, honestly, who is able to continue to have blatantly disconnected, unhealthy relationships, and also be fully present in other relationships that have the potential to be healthy. Because when we do one thing one way, we often do all of them the same way. And so if you're able to really compartmentalize that, I think great. I don't wanna, like, dissuade anyone from that, but I'd also be curious about how that compartmentalization is impacting your life, your nervous system, your body, your relationship with yourself.
Kate Northrup:Yeah. On the theme of curiosity Mhmm. Last night, you ended with a wonderful statement, which is curiosity is the birthplace of freedom. Mhmm. And you spoke about, you know, having the being curious about our lives and these things that we have decided just are the way they are.
Kate Northrup:Right? Like, you talked about your family. This is just how the way this is how we are. The end. Right?
Kate Northrup:How do we find the courage to get curious about the parts of our lives that are status quo, that are flat, where the fire's gone out, or that are blatantly just not working. Not working. But, like, we're afraid to rock the boat. We're afraid to disappoint. We're afraid to screw up someone else's life, by doing that.
Kate Northrup:Where where do we find that courage?
Yasmine Cheyenne:I love this question. I think the courage is in I do think the courage is in honesty. I know it feels like I talk about this sometimes when I'm doing a resume. I'm like, oh my god. How many times are you gonna mention that?
Yasmine Cheyenne:But I think it's so important because when I'm honest with myself, I can find my reality. We talked about this a little bit earlier, but I do think a lot of us are living in a false sense of reality. That is that we're actually angry at that environment and atmosphere when we come And when we come back to honesty, we can be in a place of this. I'd never I'd never if I had asked myself, if I had gotten curious with myself, I'd never would have said yes to this. And then when we have that, like, that's the birthplace of some freedom.
Yasmine Cheyenne:It's gonna tear some ish down. Like, it's not gonna be pretty after you start to have those conversations with yourself and others if necessary about what that freedom is gonna look like for you. But I think we deserve that chance. Are we actually going to live our entire lives? I I mean, if you're living your life under this false pretense, you're probably angry.
Yasmine Cheyenne:You're probably resentful. You're probably exhausted. Everybody knows it. Everyone in your life knows it. They don't know what it is necessarily, but they know that you're not happy or enjoy.
Yasmine Cheyenne:And so instead of expecting everyone else to meet that, which is what a lot of us are waiting for, our partner, our friends, our family, our careers to meet us and give us that sense of fulfillment, what would it feel like to give it to yourself? And I think that's what curiosity gives us the space to do.
Kate Northrup:Yeah. So we can be bold and curious and have the courage to ask ourselves that question Mhmm. And then take the leap to have those external conversations Take
Yasmine Cheyenne:the risk.
Kate Northrup:Later. Mhmm. But, like, it starts we can all have a courageous conversation with ourselves and and get at be like like, where might you start as a lifelong journaler? Where might you start for someone who maybe is having this sense that there is something more for them? Something is off.
Kate Northrup:Like, there may be relationships they need to leave or change, but they haven't been they've been afraid to have that conversation with themselves. Like, do you have a favorite practice? I
Yasmine Cheyenne:have 2.
Kate Northrup:Okay. Great.
Yasmine Cheyenne:The first one is constructive complaining. Oh, love. Yes. Freaking love it. If you don't have anyone who will listen to your complaining, journal.
Yasmine Cheyenne:And, I mean, be honest in your complaining. Like, I actually can't stand the way he does this. I can't stand the way she does that. I hate this. Like, just be open with yourself and then go through that.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Like, if you're in a conversation with someone, have them and please choose someone who has the capacity to hold space.
Kate Northrup:Yes.
Yasmine Cheyenne:Perhaps get permission ahead. Maybe get permission Yeah. Boundaries, and maybe it's your therapist. Yeah. Right?
Yasmine Cheyenne:But have them reflect to you what they they've seen in your statements. If you're doing this journaling, then you wanna go back through and you wanna highlight the areas that feel, like, really important. So if you wrote down, you know, every day when I wake up and I'm about to go to work, I feel nauseous. Right? Because sometimes we feel it I mean, most times, we feel it in our bodies.
Yasmine Cheyenne:I say most times because some of us have numbed out. We don't even feel it anymore. Then you've highlighted that part that says, you know, every time I go to work, I start to feel nauseous. I want you to ask yourself this question, which is my other favorite tool. So who says that you have to keep doing this and list them out?
Yasmine Cheyenne:Well, I have jobs. Well, I'm adult. Okay. So who says that? You know, like, and you just continue to ask who says until you begin to get some clarity about what the actual fear might be, what vow you've made with someone who's not even requiring you to keep doing this, that maybe you think I have to keep doing this because of whatever shame or whatever blame or whatever you've taken on, whatever burden that you've decided is yours to bear alone.
Yasmine Cheyenne:I find these 2 to be very powerful in unleashing a lot of re a lot of truth and also just a lot of pent up emotion that we don't give ourselves access to a lot that we just say, oh, everything's fine and ignore.
Kate Northrup:Brilliant. Thank you. So good. Okay. So everybody needs to go out and get a copy of wisdom of the path, the beautiful and bumpy ride to healing and trusting our inner guide.
Kate Northrup:Also, your first book, The Sugar Jar. Yes. So so beautiful. You have this gorgeous app, the sugar the sugar jar. Yeah?
Yasmine Cheyenne:Yeah. The sugar jar community.
Kate Northrup:With meditations, community Journaling workshops. Journaling workshops. Meditation. Amazing. And any other place that people should come find you?
Yasmine Cheyenne:Just on Instagram, Craig. If you want to get your daily dose of wisdom and really just I'm inviting you to your own wisdom to be clear. So And
Kate Northrup:And it's at yasmin cheyenne. At yasmin cheyenne. Everything will be in the show notes. Thank you so much for being here today. Thank you.
Kate Northrup:This is so great. Thanks for listening to this episode of Plenty. If you enjoyed it, make sure you subscribe, leave a rating, leave a review. That's one of the best ways that you can ensure to spread the abundance of plenty with others. You can even text it to a friend and tell them to listen in.
Kate Northrup:And if you want even more support to expand your abundance, head over to kate northrup.comforward/breakthroughs where you can grab my free money breakthrough guide that details the biggest money breakthroughs from some of the top earning women I know, plus a mini lesson accompanying it with my own biggest money breakthroughs and a nervous system healing tool for you to expand your abundance. Again, that's over at katenorthwick.comforward/breakthroughs. See you next time.