Different Life

Episode Summary

A minor inconvenience, an unexpected request, or someone breaking a rule can quickly become a crisis when people react before they understand what is actually happening. In this episode, Gary and Peter discuss why so many people immediately move into anger, anxiety, or panic—and how those reactions often create more problems than the original situation.

Through stories involving vacation mishaps, workplace stress, road rage, and a damaging electrical surge, they outline a more effective process: pause, determine whether anyone is truly in danger, separate the feeling from the action, and focus on what you can control. Most problems are temporary, and many can be resolved through a calm conversation or a simple practical solution.

They also examine how emotions influence the people around us. A leader’s anxiety can spread through an entire workplace, just as a parent’s reaction can affect the emotional climate of a home. By practicing awareness and creating space between stimulus and response, you can model calmness, improve communication, make better decisions, and prevent manageable problems from becoming unnecessary emergencies. 

Key Topics Discussed
  •  Why Gary and Peter initially struggled to disconnect from work while on vacation 
  •  How strong systems allow a business to continue operating without its owners 
  •  Kevin James’s reported 41-day fast and the difference between effectiveness and sustainability 
  •  The potential physical and psychological effects of prolonged fasting 
  •  Bryan Johnson’s extreme longevity experiments and the uncertainty surrounding self-experimentation 
  •  Why people escalate minor problems instead of communicating directly 
  •  Peter’s jet ski incident and how a simple conversation could have prevented unnecessary drama 
  •  The difference between feeling an emotion and acting on it 
  •  How to create space between a stressful event and your response 
  •  Why problem-solving restores a sense of control and personal agency 
  •  Using questions such as “Is anyone in danger?” and “Will this matter a year from now?” 
  •  How meditation can strengthen awareness and reduce reactive behavior 
  •  Planning your preferred response before the next stressful situation occurs 
  •  Why anxiety, anger, and calmness are all contagious 
  •  The responsibility leaders and parents have to regulate the energy they bring into a room 
  •  Why employees may stop reporting problems when leaders react badly 
  •  Learning to accept rules even when you do not initially agree with them 
  •  How repeated practice can help prevent catastrophizing and emotional spiraling 
Chapters with Timestamps

00:00 — Returning From Vacation and Learning to Disconnect
Gary and Peter catch up after time away and discuss the difficulty of stepping away from productivity.
03:08 — Can the Business Function Without You?
Why effective systems, trusted employees, and delegation make real time off possible.
05:12 — Kevin James and the 41-Day Fast
A discussion about rapid weight loss, prolonged fasting, sustainability, and medical safety.
09:50 — Is Occasional Fasting Beneficial?
The possible appeal of fasting for longevity, discipline, religion, and personal experimentation.
11:45 — Bryan Johnson’s Longevity Experiments
Gary and Peter discuss extreme health protocols, uncertainty, and the risks of becoming a human experiment.
13:28 — The Main Question: Do We All Need to Calm Down?
The episode shifts to emotional overreaction, stress, and turning manageable situations into crises.
14:03 — The Jet Ski Incident
Peter explains how unfamiliar lake rules led to complaints, threats, and unnecessary vacation drama.
16:02 — Why Don’t People Communicate Directly?
A calm conversation could have resolved the situation before it escalated.
16:52 — When Workplace Stress Enters the Room
An anxious scheduling request demonstrates how someone’s delivery can make a solvable problem feel overwhelming.
18:28 — “This Too Shall Pass”
Why remembering that difficult moments are temporary can help you tolerate discomfort.
20:31 — Feel the Emotion Without Acting on It
Peter explains the importance of allowing feelings to occur without immediately reacting.
21:22 — Move Into Problem-Solving Mode
How focusing on solutions restores agency and prevents helplessness.
23:06 — What Can You Actually Control?
Learning from past decisions while taking constructive action in the present.
24:15 — A Simple Conversation Could Have Fixed Everything
Why direct, respectful communication is often more effective than gossip, threats, or escalation.
25:49 — Road Rage Solves Nothing
Gary and Peter examine how anger harms the angry person without fixing the original problem.
27:34 — Let Miserable People Be Miserable
You can choose not to absorb or mirror someone else’s anger.
28:14 — Questions to Ask Before Reacting
Is anyone in danger? What can I do next? Will this matter tomorrow, next month, or next year?
29:24 — Staying Calm During a Home Emergency
Gary explains how he handled an electrical surge by assessing safety and then solving each practical problem.
31:00 — How to Become Less Reactive
Meditation, awareness, planning, and practice can create space between an event and your response.
33:06 — Your Emotional Energy Is Contagious
Why leaders, parents, and people with strong personalities influence the emotional state of a room.
34:49 — Leadership During a Crisis
How a leader’s reaction determines whether employees feel safe bringing up future problems.
35:26 — Modeling Calmness at Home
Parents and other adults set the emotional tone for the entire family.
36:19 — Rules, Responsibility, and Social Defiance
Peter reflects on his resistance to rules and whether he is willing to change after the jet ski incident.
38:34 — Final Takeaway
Calm down, assess the situation, communicate clearly, and look for the solution.

Notable Quotes
“You allow the feeling to happen without the action, without the reaction to the feeling.”“Every problem has a solution.”“What do I have control over? What can I do to make this better?”“That space is where the good things can happen.”“Your energy that you project affects the room.”
Resources Mentioned
Connect With Us Here:

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@WholeHealthSolutions
Website: https://wholehealthsolutions.life/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wholehealthsolutions.life
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wholehealthsolutions.life
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/whole-health-solutions-sports-performance

Creators and Guests

Host
Gary Donia
Gary Donia, MSPT is a physical therapist and Chief Operations Officer at Whole Health Solutions and Sports Performance. With more than 20 years of experience, he helps individuals and athletes recover from injury, build strength, and improve long-term physical capability. Gary focuses on identifying root causes, creating practical plans, and guiding people toward sustainable health and performance. In addition to his clinical work, he coaches high school and Legion baseball, applying movement principles to develop resilient, confident athletes. He lives in Townsend, Massachusetts, with his wife Jessica and their two sons, and is passionate about helping people build healthier, more capable lives both on and off the field.
Host
Peter Brouillard
Peter Brouillard, DPT is the Founder and CEO of Whole Health Solutions and Sports Performance. As a physical therapist and strength coach, he works with individuals and athletes to recover from injury, build strength, and develop long-term resilience. Peter takes a whole-body approach to health, integrating exercise, lifestyle habits, and performance principles to help people exceed their goals and unlock their potential. His focus is on practical strategies that create lasting change, not quick fixes. He is passionate about empowering people to take ownership of their health and build lives defined by capability, confidence, and meaningful progress.

What is Different Life?

Most people don’t need more motivation. They need a different approach. Hosted by Gary Donia and Peter Brouillard, Different Life draws on years of experience helping people navigate pain, movement, recovery, and performance — but the conversation goes far beyond health alone.

We talk about:
• Strength training as a life skill
• Back pain, mobility, and injury recovery
• Pelvic floor health and durability
• Sleep, stress, hormones, and energy
• Performance and longevity over 40
• Discipline, habits, and identity shifts
• Parenting and modeling health
• Relationship-based healthcare

We discuss these not as isolated topics, but as part of a bigger question: What does it look like to live differently, not just try to live better?
If you feel stuck in patterns that no longer fit who you want to become, this show is for you. Because better often keeps you in the same cycles. Different changes your trajectory.

DL025
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Gary: [00:00:00] Hey, Peter. We are back. up, man? It's been a, it's been a couple of weeks,

Wide: think. I don't like

Gary: it. Yeah.

It's been like 10 days ...

Peter: since

the last

time I actually to you as a human. enjoy. No.

Go F

yourself.

That's I

told... I had a...

Gary: We both

had people today at 5:00 AM, and I

was walking in with May.

Mm. And she

goes, "Oh, Peter's here

today?" I was like, "Yeah." I was like, "I thought he wasn't back until tomorrow." And I said, "I was actually a little disappointed when I saw his car."

You wanted one more day Yeah,

one

Peter: reprieve.

Gary: reprieve. One more day. of peace.

Peter: That's

rude.

Um,

Gary: yeah, I don't know. How was... We both

had vacations.

Peter: You

know, I'm a

person too.

Wide: So

Gary: you should,

Wide: you should probably reach

out and, like, say nice

Gary: things to your friend

Peter: when when you're gone.

Gary: Oh,

no, I purposely

stayed away. I didn't talk to really

Peter: anybody.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I

think there's a difference,

though, between,

relationships and-

friendly relationships.

Gary: Did you reach out to

me? Yeah. Yeah.

Peter: I tried to... to. I tried to respect you.

But

I- anyways, in the-

Gary: just thought it was good to, for

everyone to be [00:01:00] away but

but I don't- Even in those, don't you think, like, sometimes it's,

Peter: good I don't ever need to be away from my wife ...

Wide: Wait.

Gary: I

feel like it's good

every now and again to not

text your

wife, or to

Peter: call her.

I mean, I

Gary: I

never

Peter: text my

Gary: wife. Yeah,

or call her. I only answer. It's good. But you

guys,

like, your work schedules- I

mean, we live

with each other ...they

Wide: they

often,

are, or they have

Peter: been over

Gary: course

of

Peter: your- No, she works two days a

week.

Gary: Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, she barely works.

but

Peter: Why? You

Gary: you

want me to

cut that out?

Nope.

Peter: Hey, Stacy.

Gary: Love

you

Yeah. I

Peter: I don't know.

It's

good to

Gary: have a

little, a little time away

from people.

I

agree. Yeah. You

miss...

Then you miss them, and then you want to. be with them more.

Peter: Mm.

Yeah. but you just said the

Gary: the opposite. I was joking.

Peter: that's okay.

Gary: I did

think you were off

until

tomorrow,

though. Yeah, Yeah. I should've been. yeah, I

I don't know what happened. Yeah.

Peter: I said yes to

people. Yeah.

and suddenly my schedule is Yeah. It's

Gary: yes to people. yeah. and suddenly my schedule is full. That's not good. Yeah. It's supposed to be a day off. You need... It's healthy to have some days off. The days

are Um,

but did you a nice time,

other

than- Getting drunk getting

in, yelled at

by the jet ski

Wide: Yeah.

Uh, yeah, I'm

Peter: than ever.

Um, [00:02:00] I

Gary: You're, like, okay tan.

Peter: I'm pretty

good.

Gary: Don't

I'm pretty good. Yeah. Nice rush. Don't take your shirt off please.

Peter: shirt off please. But I I have

Gary: I have to prove

Peter: now.

Yeah. Yeah, it

was great. Uh, we went,

uh,

know, lots of,

uh, lake life,

just, just no agenda, just

Gary: chilling,

getting fit.

It's pretty much what we

did. Mm-hmm. A week at the beach, a little bit of boredom, which I think is

Wide: you

Gary: Did you

struggle?

Wide: I struggled

Peter: in

the

Wide: beginning. The

Gary: day was like, maybe the longest day of my

life. like,

in the sense that

the

first day ...of

fully being there. So day

one was actually, travel day.

Peter: be

Gary: be productive,

Peter: yeah?

Gary: Yeah, day two

was, like, the beach.

sand and water ... you fight and share

Did So I don't really

like to

do that. That's her thing.

I

do a little bit. I'll walk up and down the beach or go for a walk. Yeah, I

don't know. It just

comes a point, I'm used to being productive, and when I'm

not,

then I

struggle. And so that was

like a long day,

Peter: and then I remember thinking

Gary: as

it

got close to the day, I was like,

"Oh my God, I have to do this for like, seven more days."

But actually,

believe it or not,

the next like six or seven days- whatever it was, was like,

Wide: went like

Peter: [00:03:00] Yeah, that.

makes sense.

Gary: once you've settled into

like a little bit- of the routine you

get comfortable...

I did, I purposely stayed away

from

work

most of the time. Jess

actually, said she was amazed at how

little I did. She assumed I

would

do

like a few hours of

computer stuff like every morning.

Yeah,

Just because I, I, You know, typically up- before

most people or whatever. I didn't really do anything.

Um, you know,

Peter: I did

Gary: enough to know that things

were working the way

they were supposed to be working in my

Peter: absence. I

did, some things

that I knew needed

Gary: to

be done, but

for the most

part, it,

Wide: like it

didn't

have

Gary: to, I think largely because we've set up systems- that allow us

both to be, away- Mm-hmm ... continue to

Peter: Yeah. I

would say the same. Yeah. Much better. I intentionally

phone on me,

I

didn't look at anything- Yeah ...on purpose. Yeah. 'Cause I

Gary: Yeah, I think it's good.

Peter: Yeah. Like we have

to know

Gary: that's okay.

Peter: You

Gary: have to be able to do that.

Yeah. I think that's part of growing like a

good, successful

Peter: Yeah. and It's almost a test.

Like, if it's not, it'll

reveal itself. Yeah. And Okay,

well then I need to

Gary: to work- If

Peter: are

Gary: are

things

that still

require both of our, like

full attention- then

Peter: in the moment ... then, then, then

those

But we have

Gary: systems, and we have people- Mm-hmm

that we can Yeah, totally ...that do the

thing, [00:04:00] and, and the business continues to run. I

remember the first

time that you went on vacation. Mm-hmm. Like, when we first started this,

Peter: like- Oh, my God. That was

Gary: that was stressful. you were it was like,

Peter: were like it was like- I hope there's a business when I return.

Gary: It w- It was me and like Julia. Yeah.

We're

the only two

here,

Peter: And

Gary: it

was sort of... And I

was sorta

just

coming on at that time. Like, I I don't

think I was even

like an employee yet. No,

Peter: it was like first week.

Gary: No, it was like first week. I was just

like covering, I think. And It

was more- Oh, that's true ... I don't think I was like an employee.

I was just doing some- No, you didn't come on

Peter: September.

Gary: Yeah, like it was- just a little

extra.

I was doing a little bit of extra time for you, and then I

was

like, "Yeah,

I can cover you

when you're away." Mm-hmm. And

you were just like, "I've never, I've never been away. I don't know what happens." and,

then I remember, like, the first day you called or

texted,

you go, "Oh, that was so cool, like I was away

Peter: and

I...

Gary: We

still made money" or something.

Wide: something." And

I didn't

have to do anything. Yeah, I didn't have

Peter: physically be

Gary: person. Yeah, I didn't have to be in the I didn't have to physically be in the building- Yeah ... I didn't have to be in the building- and there was still like

money, what

Wide: I imagine. Like every now

Gary: and

again, I think like, I think

the guy who

runs McDonald's corporation just sits back and just listens to all

the cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching

as like credit

cards are

swiped all over the world like [00:05:00] every second, you know? Yeah,

Peter: Yeah.

Gary: just like, that. "

Peter: Oh,

Gary: yeah, that's my thing." Yeah,

That's my, that's what I

did. Yeah. But Yeah. it it was good. So,

um, all

right. Do you know who Kevin James is?

Peter: yeah, it James

Gary: You actually you

Peter: I do.

Gary: do.

He

was on Kings

Peter: Queens

or Kings of- King, King of Queens. King of Queens.

Gary: it's a great show.

You watch

Wide: that show?

Gary: a jolly,

robust- Heavy guy

Peter: Yeah ... individual that's a comedian. All right. Right?

Gary: So he was on

Joe Rogan recently. "Oh, Did you hear

that? I

know you

listen to

that

So he was telling Joe Rogan

that He did uh, he lost

60

Peter: He's done this a few

times. Yes.

Wide: Yeah.

Gary: a y- he's a bit of a yo-yo-er.

Wide: Yeah.

Peter: yeah. Yeah,

yeah.

Gary: Yeah, yeah. He gets, like

pretty

Peter: And

he got

Gary: really into

Peter: working out ... yeah, started working out. He likes working

Gary: out. got really into working out. yeah. He had a movie where

he had to be, like,

a wrestler at some

point.

Yeah, so I think he had to get

Peter: himself

so he d- he yo-yos

a

little But he lost 60 pounds. How do you think he

Diet

Wide: and exercise.

Gary: not. " Oh, geez. Well,

kind of- but

Peter: not really.

Gary: he fasted for

41

Peter: 41 and

Wide: half

Gary: days.

Peter: Oh, So he was trying to

get [00:06:00] ready for a movie role really fast. Yeah ... so I think

Gary: it, I don't think

it actually had

to do with a movie. I think it's something to

do, if I remember the

story correctly, and

I'm sure

somebody

will correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe it had something to do with his son.

I think there was

a religious component, and then there was something to do with his

And

Peter: think, his

Gary: basically, like- ... wanted him to, like, lose

something? And he had

said... I don't know if he's Jewish. I don't know if it... But, uh,

maybe there

was, like,

one of his r-

whatever religion he was.

Yeah. I think he had to fast

for something,

and then-

somehow

Peter: it came

Gary: to be a thing where

his son wanted him to keep

doing it because it was, like, losing weight

Yeah

and

he wanted

him to lose a lot of weight. He was worried about him 'cause he's heavy or whatever. So he was like, Yeah. I'll, like, I'm gonna do this thing."

And so 41 and

a half

days where he al- he says that all he had was water and, like, salt for What,

what are your

Would you

Peter: recommend

Gary: this?

Peter: I

mean, it depends on your goals. It's effective, you lose a lot of weight really

quick. Yeah. I mean, that's

also clearly the def-

definition of

not sustainable, but you're doing

it for a purpose.

Yeah.

Yeah, I, mean, I guess under medical supervision, if you. really

wanted to do [00:07:00] it

Yeah ... then- Could Could you

Gary: Could you do it?

41,

uh,

Peter: Oh,

you mean, you mean from, like, a discipline line? Yeah, mentally, could you

do that? 41 and a half I've

never tried. Yeah My dad,

my dad used to fast

for days in a row. when And it was a religious

thing. he just got

used to it. I think

you get used to it like anything else.

Right. I think the beginning is

the worst by far.

Wide: he

said, Yeah.

Gary: he said, Like- in the beginning-

It's, like, horrendous ...but at

some point

he

was just like, "This is And your body just gets

Peter: used to it-

Yeah. And you're just like, "Oh,

your body just gets

used to it- Yeah ... and you go, "Oh, I've stopped eating."

Gary: Yeah, your body just gets used to it- Yeah. Yeah ... and you wait a

week in between

Peter: week between foods.

Gary: That's

like, yeah. Yeah. That's like So long. And

Peter: then I was

thinking, like-

Gary: well, he did it for

40 days.

In my

head I'm

thinking, like,

60 pounds

feels like not

enough.

It Cause he's, like, a

He was, like, 280-ish I

think when

he started. Yeah. So you would've thought

he would lose

more than 60.

Peter: Yeah. Yeah ... I

don't know. I

don't have any context on this. Yeah. I don't know, I don't know what it's like- 'Cause

Wide: this. Yeah. I don't

know, I don't know what it's like- There's

Gary: it's low

calories, right?

Like-

Peter: Yeah, I don't know what it's

Like what it does to the body. I'd love I'd love as an experiment if somebody's like, "Oh,

Gary: I'm gonna fast

for 40 days."

Peter: Yeah.

I'm taking your body composition, like, every three days, and we're gonna, like- '

Gary: Cause you

Peter: [00:08:00] figure

the body's

Gary: gotta go into starvation at

some point.

So

Peter: ripping to- ... ripping calories. You're d- You're Yeah ... I, I

bet your body becomes really

efficient

at just-

Wide: Right ... harvesting

Gary: for fuel. Right. I wonder

what your

basal

rate goes

down to I don't know. Right? Like, if you

normally

burn just, like to be alive

Wide: 2,000 calories-

Gary: calories- Yeah

Wide: like,

Gary: it has

to start to lower itself you

would

Peter: right? So the basal metabolic

rate- 'Cause the thing is it's starving.

It's like- What will

happen is, is it will, like, titrate down your level of physical activity. You'll be way more fatigued. Yeah. You'll want to, like, conserve energy, so you

have all these

little small things that, like will make you just wanna, like do like this all day.

Yeah. Yeah, so then- That's what

Gary: I... do anyway.

Peter: just, I I try to

Gary: conserve,

you

never

know. As much as possible? Yeah, you never know.

Peter: to conserve as much- As much as possible? you never know ... Yeah.

that's why you're on 2,000

a day.

Gary: Yeah. You never know. Yeah. that's why

Peter: That's so low. I'm at 1,800.

Gary: I'm at

1,800. That's so crazy. Yeah.

Peter: do you weigh? you.

Wide: know

Peter: that,

uh,

Gary: um, well, I just came back from

Wide: vacation.

oh,

Gary: oh, excuse Let's not be judgy

here. I'm just, I'm just saying. Today I was 218.

Peter: Yeah.

Gary: Um, do you

know

that my wife,

Jessica,

uh,

put on six pounds

while we were on She assumed that

Peter: you

ratted her out,

and

she,

like,

Gary: confessed to me. I heard

[00:09:00] her talking to you

Wide: morning.

Gary: funny. and I thought it was

great. I, well, I didn't

really see you.

I

saw you

this morning, No ...but you

were busy.

Peter: You didn't say anything to me. It

Gary: anything to me. It come up. I

Wide: would never rat

Peter: rat her out- Just, just so you know ... when she was here. Yeah.

Um- Six pounds here, yeah. Um. Six pounds is a lot for for a small lady like

her.

Gary: Yeah, like-

Yeah.

More. that's

a lot. I mean, clearly

it's

not all actual

pounds.

or

Peter: a lot of bone. And,

Gary: mostly water, Yeah Mine was, like, three.

I went from like two, like 16 and a half

to, like, 220,

Peter: Yeah, so you

were slightly

more behaved than Yeah,

I don't

know.

Gary: I think

I'm just, maybe

I'm bigger, it, takes

more.

Peter: it's the opposite.

Gary: Is

it?

Peter: Yeah,

Yeah. you

soak up way more weight. Yeah. Little people- Maybe in comparison,

like,

in speaking in relative terms,

Gary: she was probably worse

than what her normal baseline is- than what

my- I see ...see

what I'm saying? yeah. So even though I'm at a low calorie

deficit, I still have, a, my Yeah. But

anyway,

so

yeah, she got

a little heavy, but I'm not doing a

41. I can't 41 and a half days ever.

I

Wide: what you do

I

mean, are

Peter: you

interested doing

some type of

fasting,

No, I agree.

Wide: I wouldn't...

I would... I'm not

interested. I'm not interested at all. I get

it, I

Gary: get it

when do it for religious

purposes. like-

yeah. yeah ... if, if, if you you have to

do it,

like,

uh, [00:10:00] that's

awesome.

Peter: for you. Yeah.

Wide: They-

Peter: I don't know, I, I know,

some

Gary: people think there's value in doing

it,

like once a week

Peter: There

might be

Gary: some evidence

Peter: that,

I think there's reasonable evidence that, and it's in the, like the longevity health sphere, that, like, for, like,

longevity's sake, we're actually, like, your body and doing less damage. Yeah,

intermit- like,

fasting,

Gary: not intermittent

fasting occasionally, like

once a quarter- Yeah ... or

Peter: something like that for a

week or for four or five days is

actually very beneficial. Yeah. it's this, like, a

Gary: cleansing process- Right ... you

Peter: Yeah ... you

know?

Gary: I could see the

Wide: value

of,

Gary: just being able, being able to say like "I, I

did

Peter: There's

also- Like, I accomplished this thing ... like, the psychological- like, can I do the

Gary: Can

I do this thing? Not 41

days,

but just doing a day or, or

two or whatever.

Yeah.

You

Peter: 41 days, but just doing a day or two or

Gary: mean? But probably, like,

four or five think that's,

Peter: like, where it starts

to like,

serious 'Cause you're going into,

ketosis Yeah ... your, like,

energy

is titrated way

down. You probably can't work

out

even slightly as hard.

Like, that's-

Gary: I just wouldn't be a... like, I would literally have

to go

into like

a [00:11:00] place that has

for that to

Peter: To say no Yeah, to be able

Gary: to say no over

Peter: and over and over again. Or if you just be the of

person

Gary: not

Peter: eating today. Like right now,

Gary: having

this conversation and I

can hear

Ava in the next room unwrapping something that she's eating is

Peter: made a smoothie ... it's making me hungry. Yeah.

Wide: Yeah. I

Peter: would wanna

Gary: go in there and eat that.

I feel

like she's

having like a protein bar and I wanna go eat The protein

Peter: She is.

Gary: Yeah.

Peter: like, a protein bar, and I wanna go eat the protein bar. She is. Yeah.

She's eating

a a candy bar that we

Gary: Oh,

Peter: they're

Gary: so good. Yeah.

Peter: Um-

Gary: Super Yeah.

I don't know. We should- We should ban

Peter: those. Yeah.

Gary: So anyway, so that, that... I

thought that was interesting. I, I wouldn't wanna do that, but... And

I

Peter: didn't know if it

Gary: was

actually healthy or

safe.

Peter: I think it's healthy.

I think it's

safe. I don't know if the 41 days is. I... That's, that's

beyond

my s- understanding. I know that the vast majority of people can certainly do it, as long as you're getting

enough fluids

and electrolytes for

like, you know, four or five days.

much beyond

that,

boy,

Gary: Pretty excessive.

Speaking of the longevity spirit, did you hear

that that guy,

the guy that wants to live forever,

Peter: Brian Johnson

Gary: some kind of like [00:12:00] autoimmune

Peter: Makes sense. mean,

Gary: he's experimenting- With all kinds of stuff

Peter: with every known... All options ... but, But he, he admits

to

Gary: that. He's like, "I'm-

Peter: his body's,

like,

fighting back now ...I'm essentially

a human pincushion." Yeah. Right? And he's just trying

all

Gary: of the things.

Peter: something went wrong.

Gary: He's

got something, I forget what it's called, like

AIG or AGI or

some kind of autoimmune. I forget what it is, I saw it the other day, and I was like, "Oh,

that

stinks." I mean,

you, You don't you

don't wish

for someone

to No, of course not

Wide: not ... you

know, to be

Gary: sick,

but like he's also- I mean, he's done a lot of really

Peter: good work,

and he gives a lot away of, like, his protocols,

Gary: like all of them-

Peter: Yeah ... for free.

Gary: But then

it's like, well,

then the question is, though, do I want these protocols?

Did

he

do something to himself that

Peter: and so- ... in

Gary: Yeah. He certainly- or d- was this

something

that was, like,

bound to happen to

Peter: And We

Gary: don't know that ...

we

don't know ... do

Peter: I I think that's unfair- to be like, but, you know, people of bad faith will be like, "Oh,

see?"

Gary: Yeah.

Peter: person, this is what he

gets."

Wide: It's

Gary: it's

like, come on. Yeah. all.

Yeah, I'll have to look more into

that. We'll see what it is and see what he's

saying

about it.

Peter: I've listened to a few of his podcasts.

genuinely,

honestly like he's a

super nice guy- Yeah ... that's just looking to do better in [00:13:00] the world, And like, he doesn't mind because there's no, there's none

Gary: of

Peter: this, like, research out

there where

it's all combined like this.

Then he's just gonna spend his money on

trying to, like, do his part and figure it out.

Yeah.

Gary: Interesting. right. We should probably start the show at some point. Oh, yeah. It's a

little ca- it's a little catch

Peter: just talking

talked shit.

Gary: I mean, uh, this is a part of the show-

but it's not

the, the bulk of the

show. the, meat. the,

meat.

Peter: Yeah, okay. That's

Gary: The meat. There it. is. What people are

Peter: tuning in

for. Let's

get to the meat. The headline of

Gary: the show, the

topic, like the- Oh ... what do they call that?

The

title. Yeah. Like that people are seeing on their The headline. Like

as they're all,

the millions

of people

are going to

click on this

says,

" Calm the fuck That's

Peter: it says. That's why they clicked. It-

That's great ... are we, are, we all

too

crazy?

Are we all I think so excited?

Gary: it. I think So- So-

Wide: a

Peter: society or as

a

Gary: company?

Peter: Little Little bit

Gary: both? No, every-

everybody Everybody Let's use your jet skiing

Peter: example. There

was

not a

Gary: lot

of calming

the fuck down. That's what I

of people being upset. So,

Peter: There was a lot of people being upset. So,

Gary: so, so

give a

little... So I think this is a good place.

So w- we'll use

your

jet skiing, and then we'll use our staff

meeting, 'Cause

[00:14:00] those are two recent examples of

Peter: you go ...of sort of

Gary: trying to get People to calm the fuck right? So-

Peter: let's talk

about the jet ski thing. Yeah. Yeah,

yeah.

Yeah, Yeah, so I went on vacation I took my jet

skis. My brother

rented a boat.

Uh, so

Gary: that's

Peter: basically

what we were doing

most of the time. Apparently, there's like

crazy

rules

around, like

how

close you have to

Gary: be to shore,

Peter: And like, you can't, like, be within,

like 20

feet of other people,

when they're

on

paddleboards.

You don't wanna run them

over. Kinda weird,

right? Uh um- I like how you call

them

Gary: crazy rules. yeah, They're just rules. Yeah. They're rules They're

Peter: just rules. They're just rules. Yeah. They're just, they're meant, they're meant by,

Gary: like, the no fun to like

Peter: shake their, wag

finger at you and, like, tell you to

stop

having fun. So

Wide: I

Peter: don't, know. I wasn't aware of any of these rules. I just got on my jet

ski, did normal stuff, didn't hurt

anyone, and apparently I

caused, caused a lot

Gary: of

ruckus.

And like, you know, like the, just the,

Peter: the no fun

association-

ended up threatening to call like

the marine

Gary: patrol- ... [00:15:00] which

got back

to the renters

Peter: of the house, which then got back "

to the rentees, which

then

got back

to me, And then ah, we're gonna get kicked out.

know, it was,

um,

Wide: it

Peter: it was a good

Gary: lesson, and,

Peter: uh, no good time shall be had while on vacation.

Gary: Right. Would you say it was like a little bit exaggerated? Like, a little bit too much? Could it have

been handled

better? Um- It feels like you

got targeted

pretty hardcore.

like, Yeah, but I also

Peter: definitely

caution to the wind And "Just did what I... wanted.

surprise. it was a surprise.

so, so was I

a bit of an oblivious

asshole?

Probably. Sure. and

Gary: once I was told that I probably be

Peter: doing those things, then I

adhered to

the rules- Right ... begrudgingly, but I so. But

that

was after

people made,

Wide: a big fuss. Oh

God,

Peter: God,

Gary: there was so much

Wide: not

Gary: drama coming down

The, the, the the first reaction

is to

Like

Peter: Totally.

Gary: and to get upset- and to,

like, the people you were spoken to- Yeah and your are

calling police And like whatever, whereas if somebody just had, [00:16:00] you know, taken some time and To walk up Hey, by the way

and just walk up to you

and say,

"Hey, there's just a rule.

Are you aware

Peter: of

the rules?" People don't know

how to communicate. People

Gary: don't know how

to do that, right? They sure don't. So their instinct

is

to do the

other thing, right? Is To get

all worked up and

like, "I'm gonna,

ah." You know, the the well, I guess the proverbial Karens of the world. Do you know that Karen, that, that you know how people call

Peter: people Karens? Yeah, yeah.

Gary: that, you know that

was switched to Jessica?

like it was recent, Like,

there, people call Like,

Jessica's

Peter: Because

of

your

Gary: I

think it's

because of my wife. Because And I totally

agree with them.

Peter: And I

Gary: They should

switch it.

First of Karen-

Wow ... Karen

Peter: took a

Gary: beating

for Like-

Peter: For so

Gary: long. So let's give

Karen a break. Close

to a decade.

And let's give Jessica's a chance. And, and I think it's appropriate, 'cause my Jessica is- Agreed ...is like this? Yeah. So-

Peter: Calm down,

Gary: So then there's

that. And then there's, we

had a

recent, uh, situation.

I forget exactly the, the circumstances around... Do You remember

why we ended up having meeting?

Yes

the about this?

Peter: Yes. So the, the exact

reason was

and this

is shocking for me that you

don't remember

this

Gary: don't remember this for I'll remember

Peter: me to share the it

in a second.

You want me to share the

story? Yeah. Okay. [00:17:00] So you and I

sitting

in

there in the office, we were having our

meeting. Yeah. And then Christina comes

in and she's like Oh, yeah ... "Oh, like these people

need to schedule discovery meetings

with you."

Yeah. "Can

I do it at

this

Gary: time?" Yeah. And you just

felt,

Like the stress come on. You

could, yes. Like, like, you know, that she just

Peter: like It was

Gary: flustering.

' Cause the way she delivered it

was like, You

know,

these people keep calling and they need to schedule times and like you don't have any

times, and I put it in this time," and it

Peter: like immediate, it was all of this

Gary: thing.

And I was just like, "Oh

my

Peter: God."

Gary: Like she

left and I was like

every problem has a

Peter: and, I was like, "What is..." like, every problem has a solution. And it worked out fine. Like

it was Like it was fine. It was like you

Gary: literally looked at

Peter: her and

said, "

Gary: Just put it on

this one." And this one." And she was like, "Oh,

okay." then I... But her her first

reaction was

to like be like all worked up

about

And to make it

out like this is a thing

that can never be solved, and like this

is a horrible. Mm-hmm. Right? And

you could feel the

stress, and you could

feel

the anxiety

and the way

she carried herself

into the

room

Wide: it's not

Peter: even the words more than...

We're

not even talking about

Christina at this point. Like

anybody, right? Myself. Yeah.

Like if, if

Gary: I'm making

Peter: something bigger than what it is in

reality- Yeah ...

you [00:18:00] feel that from me. You

Gary: feel

it. Yeah. And we've had

multiple

instances like

that with, with

people

around the, the staff. That's what m- got you and i- talking about this, which ended up why we're doing this on the show is because- it feels like the first instinct often

is

to go into this like panic mode, to go into, to the s- the stressed out thing the, "Oh my God, this is the worst it could ever be."

Exactly. Yep like "There,

yep. like there, there's no

solution here. This is a problem, and someone's gonna

Peter: be mad at

me, and like all of

Gary: this other stuff. Versus-

the other thing, which I think is like take a little bit of a b- like a pause and just like really analyze it and think like, "Okay, is there

Peter: solution?"

Gary: here?"

You know what I mean? Like, there's, there's probably- a There's

Peter: always

Gary: So that's why I thought we

would, you know, talk about today i- is how do we

do this? what, are the, what's the messaging around this? How do

we help people figure out, you know, as bad as something might seem in the moment, most likely... you

know, the things

Wide: I

Gary: always tell

my kids, two things. One, you

know, is, w- the first one

is,

"This too shall

pass." talk to [00:19:00] people-

I know It does

I tell, You know, as bad as

something is, no matter what it was in your life, as bad as it was in that moment-

Yeah.

one

year ago, five years ago,

10 years, ago, that thing has passed And, you've

Peter: moved on. 10, 10, minutes ago.

Gary: 10 minutes ago. Yeah, 10 minutes

ago, like, you

have,

like, moved on. Now, some things are

worse than others.

Like, I

get it, like, there's moments in life that are

har- more

hard-hitting or, or whatever than, than

others. But that moment too

shall pass,

right? It lit- you know, and and you'll get

past

it, you know, it, as you move away from it a

little bit.

But

as big as it seems, it's

going to, it will, at

some point,

it will seem like a distant memory, right? And, and

Peter: you'll-

Or it will be

Wide: even less- Tomorrow will be

Gary: it

will be insignificant ... maybe even last, It'll be

very

Peter: And, or, and

or,

like

the greatest adversity also causes the

greatest growth if you're

capable-

Sure ... of rising to the

occasion. Yeah.

Wide: It's huge.

So

like,

in

Peter: the

moments

when it.

feels the most

dark,

if, if you have that experience and you can attend to the moment and you know that this.

too shall pass, even when it's terrible- Yeah ... then you know that you'll come out the other side because that's been your

experience in the past.

Right. Then you can almost revel

Gary: in, discomfort ... the discomfort.

Peter: That's right. [00:20:00] Right?

I'm gonna learn

something from this. it

requires

discomfort for

growth,

I

Gary: I would agree, and I think it's hard for people to, to

to, do that, because in the mo- i- in, you

know, when something

really bad is happening to

you- it feels bad.

it,

feels pretty horrible. and It feels

like this is,

nobody

understands this

and nobody has ever been through this. Meanwhile, millions of

people have been through

the exact same thing

at some point in

their

Peter: are

Gary: not unique. And

you are not u- I hate to

burst your

bubble, but,

like you're, you're not,

You're not that,

Peter: burst your bubble,

Gary: You're not that Special Yeah. You're not

special. Like

this has

happened

to

somebody at

Peter: happened to somebody else. Any idea that you've had has been had a million times before,

So what

Gary: would be the strategy then?

So say something

just really

horrible happened here today, something business-wise. I don't

know. Say, say, like,

90% of

our

people, uh, called and canceled- Hmm

today. We don't wanna put that in the universe. But like, whatever, Like they

just said, "Forget you guys. over

It goes boom. Yeah. the 90% of your revenue.

Like what, how would you d- how

Peter: would you that?

Gary: that? Well,

Peter: so

there's

Gary: one of

Peter: two ways. yeah If I am not aware of the present moment, then I overreact.

if I am aware of the present [00:21:00] moment,

Gary: then

Peter: there's a Then

just, so it's kind of like we've talked about

before.

You allow the

feeling to happen without the action, without the

reaction to the feeling. Mm-hmm. the feeling passes, and then you go into problem-solving mode, and you figure What to do Yeah.

And There's always a

solution.

Gary: Yeah. Right? I think the

problem-solving

mode is, like, is for

me, the key On- once you take that

moment, once you have

a little bit of space between the moment

and the reaction, right, you're creating a little bit of

space in

there- Problem-solving allows you to

have some agency, and I think that's like that's the important part Rather

Peter: than

Gary: allowing this thing

to feel like

it's just happening to you Mm-hmm ... when you can kind of flip the

script a little bit and be like,

Peter: "Okay." Okay.

Gary: "This is, this clearly having all these people like j- leave our

business and all of our," you know. There's a s- there, there is

a solution, but what it...

Like, let's problem solve it. Let's

get to work on it so at least you feel like

you're doing something

Peter: What do I have

control

Gary: I have control over? What

can I do

to

make this better? Yeah. Um, you know, and for me, I

mean, I know

I, I

intentionally will say things Like,

[00:22:00] "This too shall pass." I'll say, "Every problem has a solution." I

say it to myself. as like, a

mantra. Yeah. Right? Like, you know, and then it helps me reorient myself and

to get

back on track and to think like, "Okay, now I can enter into what am I going to do about this How am I gonna

Peter: better?" I say

those things

you know, '

Gary: cause

I think

without that, without that p- that, that, um, awareness and without saying those

things- it's hard to get to that next Mm-hmm. you do

Peter: similar? Yeah.

So they said, again, if I can attend to it, uh, these strategies

are so easy if your brain, in the

moment, can,

attend to that moment, And then

Gary: you

can, like...

put down the

Peter: emotional thing. that's reacting.

You can start the cognitive side

of the brain- enter the executive function moments, start to tell yourself, "Okay, these are the

things That

need to happen," and then, it goes to the background, and

then you're just kind of, like, having

Gary: And

kind of revel in that Like,

revel in, like, "I'm gonna, like- Yeah ..."I'm gonna take care of

Peter: and that's actually fun ...whatever. Yeah. What can I

[00:23:00] control, Right.

Yeah. Like- like ...I can't control, hypothetically, 90% of the caseload canceled.

I

can't control if two people quit today. I could

have maybe

in the past. I could go, "Okay-

Yeah. "What could I have done? What did I miss?

Gary: What- And that's part of

the

Peter: That is

part because then, '

cause then you're improving for

the future. Yeah. What did I do

wrong in this situation that caused this to occur? and, then, okay, great, and then let's fricking figure it out, and we'll move forward,

and

the world hasn't

ended.

Gary: Like, in, like this morning when You were talking about the jet ski thing, 'cause we just returned from our vacations, as we mentioned, so it's

the first I heard of it. And the one thing that you said early

on is

like, you know, no one

Peter: got hurt.

Gary: I

don't know why everyone was so, like,

worked

up." And that's part of it. It's

true. It's Like, in the end,

it's Like, as you step, step

back and

reflect on

this moment- Mm-hmm ...like

what was the worst

that you

Peter: did?

Gary: Like, you literally

annoyed people. Yes,

Right. but you didn't actually

damage

something. You didn't ruin

anybody's property. You didn't

hurt a single nothing

Peter: actually physically happened.

Yeah

It

Gary: was the threat that my

Peter: actions would

Gary: do that? Right. Which

Wide: I [00:24:00] understand.

Gary: That's

Peter: the point rules, right?

Like, I get it. Yeah. Like, is there a higher

chance ...that I

have missed

Gary: somebody- Yeah ... that was swimming closer

Peter: shore? Is there a

Gary: higher

chance

Peter: that I could have, like, hit a boat?

Like, I understand that for sure there

was. Also, nothing

bad

Wide: happened.

Gary: Right. But that's What I'm saying. So-

so- So like in

moment- Yeah

when,

when you returned

Peter: to

shore- Yes

Gary: or, or when you were resting out in the middle of the lake-

Yeah

that's

the moment at which somebody calmly could have come up, to, you,"

and just said, "Hey,

Bob. Nice to meet you Are you renting this

condo association. or

whatever, Yeah. Like

"Yeah, you're renting the house." Yeah. "Hey,

I just don't... Do you know- are you aware, You know I know you're new here, that there's this group of rules.

We'd really

Peter: it if you Sorry

Gary: I

Peter: didn't even think of it. Right. That's, that would've been my reaction. Yeah.

Gary: then you would've just been like... And then you would've

been fine. you wouldn't have just- Like, been like, "Ooh," like, and then gone and, Like, done

Peter: What, What,

Gary: actually happened, and this is

what

actually happened

Peter: is the whole day then I got

back to

Gary: our

Peter: And then my wife

was like, " Hey, did you know that? you did these things?"

And I

was like, "No."

And [00:25:00] then we were like...

it was just of blew me away- Yeah ... that the whole day had

passed

before, Like ... anyone talked to me about

Gary: it. Right, but everybody else was talking about it. Yeah. And I just,

Wide: just, I don't,

I

Peter: don't want to be an asshole on purpose. Yeah. Like, honestly,

like I I wish that somebody had

Gary: something- And it could've

Peter: said something.

And it could've been

stopped. and

Gary: I

would've

Peter: modified my

behavior immediately.

solution in there that nobody

Gary: thought of What they thought of was going into or

going

into emergency response mode.

Yeah. You know? Or, you know,

hunker down and, you know, do all this stuff. That's what they all thought of, But the solution was as simple as, " Somebody

Peter: go talk to Peter. just go

talk to go talk to me.

I'm pretty

Gary: responsive.

somebody

Peter: just go talk to

Gary: guy. It's

not

like you were unavailable. Yeah. You know, you were around, you were out in the water. Like, they could get you. They could wave you down. Come in, you know.

There's another thing that people do too. You probably had

a cell phone on

you

at some point. so.

This,

Wide: We

Peter: We were

also, like, there's this,

Gary: like,

Peter: inlet and outlet to go,

like, get

gas or go to

stores,

like, along the lake.

You can go from one lake slow.

Um,

and at some... And I didn't know what was

happening, but at some

point,

someone behind me is, like, starting to

scream and, Like, give me the middle

finger. and

Wide: I was just [00:26:00] like, I actually slowed down even. So what were you doing right then? I slowed down.

Gary: still don't know. Yeah ... Maybe they

Peter: saw you

earlier. Yeah, I slowed down. Yeah.

Gary: idea. And They were Just

mad. They just

They just wanted to get at you. But that's, that's

sort

Peter: of another

Gary: With like my

son in the back.

It's like an-

Peter: I'm just like, "What's going on

Here's

Gary: on? Like, this happens all the time.

This is a great example. Like something,

somebody cuts you

off

in traffic. Yeah. And you

give them the middle

Peter: the end

of the world

did that

solve? Yeah, solve?

Gary: Zero things. The

only person that

was affected by that

Totally.

Like, you get all

worked up and you're- flipping

people off and

you're angry now.

You're yelling at- you're yelling to,

like, the window ...that's

closed.

Peter: Zero.

You know? "

Gary: Fuck you," you

know.

L- literally, the

person who cut

you off, just happy

as

can be. They

have no

idea. they're able to

like- They

Peter: They don't, yeah. Oh, sure. They don't even see You do it. They probably don't even

Gary: you they're focused on making... they're

cutting you off or whatever. But in the end, Like again, nobody was hurt. Yeah. Like, if they cut you

off and

nothing happened, right? Nothing

happened. Like,

if

they cut you off and you just had to slow

down.

God forbid you think you, you... Shit, you lost one second

of your

commute But

like that does nothing

except for potentially lead to a really bad,

like, road

rage incident, right? If somebody-

you

Peter: Or somebody could lose their

life in the, in the- [00:27:00] Yeah,

Gary: Right. What's the- So what's the point of That What's the point of the first thing that happens to you is, is get really worked

up-

and get really mad to the point where

you're now flipping, as

you're on a

jet ski, yelling at the person and flipping them

off.

First of all, That

person has no idea. You could be a total lunatic-

Yeah ... and have, like, a gun in

the back of your

jet

ski.

Yeah. It's

Peter: crazy. behavior. First of

Gary: all, like they're putting themselves...

But, but on top of

Peter: that,

what did

Gary: it solve? Zero.

It solved zero things. Yeah. You

know? It, uh, other than making that person...

Like you

said, you

were totally unaware

Peter: it was You were happy. It was completely

Gary: be on

your jet ski.

I know. I,

Peter: don't know I still don't know what I did.

Gary: did. That person feels

really freaking good. Like, "Ah, I

Wide: got

Peter: him." Which

Gary: probably why,

right? no you didn't. All you did was raise your own anxiety

and your own anger

and your own misery.

Peter: Yeah. Like I

tell, like,

Gary: Jess and the boys all

the time,

when someone's like

acting

like a

jerk, whether it's like somebody out, like

we're out somewhere or whoever,

right?

that person be

a miserable.

Let them be miserable. Let

them have a

miserable

life." Yeah. That doesn't have to be us.

We don't need to

to this. You

Peter: choose

how

you get to respond. Like,

Gary: why are we

[00:28:00] bothered by that person? Let

them be the

miserable ones. Yeah. Like, let

us

be the ones that are

like, just calm and enjoying ourselves and having a good time

And not, like not worked up and not stressed and not angry all the

time. It takes a lot

of practice.

Especially

Peter: if you're the

type of to

that. Right. And you're

used to being reactionary. Yeah. Yeah. It's

hard.

Yeah.

Gary: Right. so I

Peter: often

Gary: think, I I

think

the steps to this

process for me are, are one, I

Peter: often

will ask myself,

like,

you know,

Gary: is

is

anyone in danger?"

Which is what, like what You just brought up. Yeah. Right?

what can

Peter: I

Gary: do next?

right? And then will

Peter: this matter

Gary: a day from now, a week from now, a month from now, a year

from

Peter: Almost nothing.

Gary: Almost nothing. And so almost

nothing- will, can answer that question. Like the answer to that question is like, Forever. Yeah. Right? Maybe tomorrow,

maybe

a

week from

now, maybe... But,

like, at some point, most things

pass. And so for me, that's the process. Like, that's what

I go through mentally to try to

allow myself... I mean, people will often say to me that I never seem... That I'm very like Mm-hmm. You don't really notice me going through Like, these up and...

Now in

[00:29:00] my

Peter: head

Gary: sometimes

I can you

know, I have

more

stress than I like, let out I think. Mm-hmm. But it's because I go through this

process.

like,

I certainly

feel things that other people

feel when something goes wrong. Yeah. right And something bad happens or whatever. I still feel

those things, but I try to go through this process

to not...

So then I'm able to move

forward with it- without having,

the outward signs that a lot

of people have and, and to allow it,

to spiral to

something that becomes unmanageable for me. Mm-hmm. I go through this process of,

like, okay,

well, everyone's

healthy." I kind of

remind myself of

all

the

good things-

Mm

you know, that

might be going on in

the mo- like, like I just had

a, a big, uh, like electrical incident at my house, right? Where I had a big power surge

and a whole bunch of stuff was like ruined. you know, I didn't get worked up over it. I was like, "Okay, well first things first Is

my house didn't burn down."

All of my

family

Is

safe. No problems, right?

Everyone's In the

end,

Peter: It's just... money. Mm-hmm. Right? Like okay, like I get it. It

Gary: sucks, but it's just money. Like,

I, you know, we'll pay [00:30:00] it,

and then we'll deal with it. And then

it, then it was, like,

sort of

problem solving. Okay, now let's step back and say, "Well, what was the

reason of this?"

Yeah.

What's the best

way to go about

getting the things fixed so we can

live in our house?

And then

long term, I'd like to mitigate the financial cost of this. So,

so we

end

up going through, like, insurance after, you know, talking to some people- And figuring it out.

And so now it's not even gonna cost me

anything.

But- but so it was like a process of, of first assessing the situation.

Everyone's okay. the house is okay.

Yeah. this

stuff

can be fixed. All

the things

that were

broken,

you know, can be fixed. it's not the end of, like, the world. You

know what I mean? And so but there was... I remember going

through this process as It happened, And just being like, "Okay, this is, this is just what's happening, right? now."

You know? And then, And then

moving forward to problem solving and then now we've gone through the it's good.

Peter: So what would you somebody

who's just starting out? Maybe they are aware of this and they

react a bit more than they

want.

Gary: Yeah, I think, I

mean, I don't know. Like, you, you have a tendency sometimes, [00:31:00] you said

earlier, like,

that You said,

like, it can

go one way or

another

for So are the... What... How do you, how do

Peter: you...

you

find

Gary: that you're getting closer,

like, to being more consistent with it

Peter: not

Wide: Overreact, You know

Gary: what I

mean? Like, not going to that that stage of anxiety and stress right away.

Peter: certainly am less reactive

Gary: I would agree with I would agree with that. like I'm I've known you

for a lot of years.

Peter: I'm more reactive than I'd like...

Wide: process

Gary: So what did you, what did you do

to get...

Uh, so for me, a lot of it, I

we have talked about it before, was, like, the medi- meditation was the start of it for me. Yeah. When I

started meditating, I started learning

how to create space between reaction and response. Mm-hmm. that

space is where a

lot of this stuff Yeah. Yeah. when, there's

Peter: space.

Gary: And there are still times

that I screw up and I don't have that space, and I overreact and whatever, sometimes with my kids or like whatever,

right?

But the

space is where the good

things can happen, where

you

Wide: take

Gary: stock

of what's really going on. Is people... Are people hurt? Is this gonna last forever?

All of those things. Without

Wide: that space,

Gary: of

Peter: of

that can

Gary: happen. Yeah. So for

me, that was meditation. But like for you, what, what, [00:32:00] what was it?

Peter: It's

just...

So I think

it's just being

aware. so it's most of these processes for me is having the intention that I want, something to change, especially when it's psychological in

nature. I find that, like,

Gary: reactionary...

reactions happen

Peter: to you based upon your feelings, aware that these feelings elicit this

Wide: response,

don't

Peter: that to be, well, then that's the first step, is being

aware.

Mm-hmm. And then it's looking for moments when the next time you

feel that way,

what are you gonna do? so, planning ahead.

Yeah.

okay, the next time I'm in this situation, I would

like to

behave

like this

instead. Yeah.

Yeah. And then that...

Gary: that's,

Peter: so that's it.

And then it's like, well,

okay, so oh, I noticed it.

Gary: And

then I have this

Peter: response.

I changed

it. It worked.

more that I would do That the more

likely my brain would attend to the moment that was

happening, right?

Gary: and then it's just

Peter: practice.

Then it's Just

practice. Yeah.

Practice. And it's like-

Gary: Like anything else ... then

then now it's more likely "

Peter: than it was in

Gary: past

Peter: that I'll

notice it instead of not of

[00:33:00] spiraling.

I'm

way better at not spiraling. I don't spiral. I

used to spiral- where, like I wouldn't notice

it for, like, days. And you could actually, My goodness, right? But, like, yeah.

Like, so

there are moments

in which I won't notice it, but then very quickly

I'll like, " deep breath." Yeah. I

Gary: think it can be helpful,

and you've done

this in the past too, is for people that you

kn- that are in your life,

that know you well- Yeah, and that you trust, to ask them,

"Hey, have

you

noticed-" definitely ...

when

I'm doing this-

Yeah ... or if I'm like behaving in

a way

that's Like Because

I think what people don't realize, too, and I think this has come up with you in the past, because you're you're the

owner of a

business- Mm-hmm. and people look to you to set the tone, uh, in many ways,

that

when,

that your,

your mood and your affect-

Yeah, is

contagious.

Peter: I just wish

people

would treat me like

a regular person. Yeah, they

Wide: can't. they

Peter: can't. It gets so annoying.

Gary: But

in general, anybody with

a big personality, so

me

too, right? Like I have a big personality in, in the sense that like, when I enter

a room- Mm-hmm ... like

my stature,

my whatever, right?

It's Just the size of

me- [00:34:00] Yeah ... and my general volume typically am noticed. So I can change the way a room

feels

pretty quickly. Mm-hmm. And

so, I have to

be careful with the way

that I'm feeling, like

especially at a

place of work where I want, you

know, I

don't wanna do

that to

Peter: people.

Your energy that

you

project, That, you project,

uh, affects

the room.

Gary: affects the room. Affects the room. And so if you're one of those people, but y- but

that goes, that, that,

holds true for most

people, and I think they don't realize how powerful

That can be If you're

somebody and you work in an office, and you're

coming in

and

you're

always

Peter: anxious,

people around

you

Gary: start to

become- anxious. It's contagious.

Peter: It's like it's

part

of culture,

Gary: It's part of the "

culture. And so, and, and, and the same

is

true

if you're

the opposite. If you tend to be calm in, in moments of, of crisis-

Yeah

right? That, that

becomes something that other people- Will model ...will

model.

Peter: That

Gary: when the

next crisis occurs, they know that, especially if

you're in charge, that you're not gonna freak

out.

Mm-hmm. That there's gonna be a solution, that we're gonna problem

solve this. Then they'll come

to you with the thing and say, "Hey, this is going on. just wanted you to know. Can we, can we talk [00:35:00] about it? Can a solution?" Versus, "Oh my God,

there's no spots on the schedule," and like blah, blah, you know

what I

mean? And

" What

Peter: Your

Gary: your response

as

Peter: a,

as a person in leadership to

Wide: issues that arise

Peter: is extremely important in

terms of like- your employees or people that report to you coming to you in the future. Mm-hmm. Right? If you make them

Gary: Oh, for sure

Peter: That's for sure ... bad- Yeah

for them

coming to you with a problem, good

luck

having that happen again.

right?

Yeah. Yeah, Like, you staying calm in the

moments

when shit hits the fan is like super

Gary: important. Right.

And that can be carried

Peter: into the home.

Gary: Like whether you're in charge,

like this is for, like adults who are listening, but whether you're

in

charge at work or not, maybe you

are, maybe you aren't, but in the home- Yeah you

are

Mm-hmm. You know, if you're, like,

an adult in the room, and so same thing

can be said.

like, you know, if you tend

to be wound

up and anxious and overreact to stuff, then that's

gonna carry

through to the whole

family. Yeah. And, and so- It's modeling to them ...The kids will... Yeah, and so I think it's just important. I

think this is

a good skill to have is, you know,

[00:36:00] we jokingly

say calm the F down, and like I said, that's the name, like the name of the show. But, but I think it's

it's true. It,

it's like, you know, it's okay. I agree. ...and we're gonna come out the other side.

As a society, we So what'd you. learn from your jet ski

incident?

Are you gonna be a little bit

more aware

of,

of social

Wide: and

Peter: and rules? You know, you know what it is? And I want your feed- I want your

Gary: feed-

and I'd want your feedback on this.

I get frustrated

Peter: because

I'm,

Gary: I'm a, I, I

don't

Peter: mind rules that have a clear function

and purpose.

Gary: these all

Peter: do

Gary: You

just

Peter: So says the people

Gary: who

made them "I,

know,

Peter: the rules I know,

Gary: you don't get to decide which rules have a clear function and purpose. Yeah, I definitely do. I mean, I definitely don't. I mean, I explained

Peter: to you

Gary: the r- why these rules are

important this morning.

Peter: talked about it. Yes, I know why they're- The

safety,

Gary: safety of people who might be swimming close to

shore. yes. It's the safety of people's property, their docks,

their boats. their other things that are

Wide: water, yes ...moorings-

Gary: I'm aware of all those things ... and whatever. So the wakes can be

the, the, the effect it has on the shoreline- and, and just [00:37:00] the, uh, the nature in general around there. Mm-hmm.

So there's a... Most of

the rules came from a point. It wasn't just some person

one day said-

..."I, I don't really

like going fast

in my ditch." And I'm not even just talking

Peter: about those Yeah. I'm saying

rules in general. Like, an overarching,

th- you know, way in which I

exist in

the world. Mm. I tend

to be socially defiant because, like,

Yeah ... many times rules

are rules for rules' sake is what it like.

Gary: Yeah. And if I like- But

so Like,

put yourself... 'Cause

you like to create rules around here. you I

Peter: like

to

Gary: rules. But

you do it pretty-

How so?

You do it pretty willingly.

Like, "Oh, there has to

be a system for this,

and there has to be a system for this, and people can't just do this, and people can't just..." So how

Peter: do you think

Gary: they

feel?

And what if they

just decided, "Well, Peter's rules are dumb,

and I'm

not

gonna

Peter: them"? Well, then I'm

calling the police.

Yeah.

Gary: That's

what I'm saying.

Like, you don't just get to pick,

like, just because they're, like, the

ones that you think are important.

Peter: Mm-hmm. Well, those people aren't debossing

Gary: Well, I'm like, "Oh, I'll sue

you then." Yeah. Well, they can try.

drive. The shore

police. Yeah. Yeah, just thinking, like, you [00:38:00] kind of pick and choose which rules you think are- Yeah, Yeah.

Peter: Yeah.

Gary: I'm just

gonna adhere to

a

Peter: rule because it's- I mean,

Gary: I don't like rules

either. Yes.

I, I'm similar to you.

Mm-hmm. I think rules are dumb. I think societal norms are

mostly stupid.

Like, I find it... But there are some that I,

like,

you

know, adhere to.

Peter: Yeah,

as long as-

it Just make it make sense-

and I'll adhere to the rule happily. Yeah. Yeah.

Gary: if your wife yells

Peter: Yeah, that'll

Gary: at you. Yeah, That'll definitely do it. That will do it. too. That's the wife

Peter: Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, okay. Very good.

Gary: Thank, thank you for that

conversation. was fun.

Until

Peter: time.

Gary: All right, see ya. Bye.

Peter: All