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This Jewish Inspiration Podcast is dedicated to learning, understanding and enhancing our relationship with Hashem by working on improving our G-d given soul traits and aspiring to reflect His holy name each and every day. The goal is for each listener to hear something inspirational with each episode that will enhance their life.
You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe, Director of TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. This is the Jewish Inspiration Podcast.
Welcome back everybody to the Mussar Masterclass. We are currently studying the Orchos Tzaddikim, The Ways of the Righteous, the Treasure for Life edition, and we are in the chapter of the Gate of Silence, which is the 21st chapter in the Ways of the Righteous. We're on page 664 on top, and this is day 115. וּלְפָּעַמֶם שָׁעַשְׂטִּי כָּרָאָה And there are times when silence is bad.
It's not a good thing. We spoke previously that silence is a virtue. Silence is a very good quality for one to possess. Here, the author continues in this chapter and says, not always is silence good. שְׁעַשְׂטִּי כְּרָאָה He says, answer the fool according to his foolishness, lest he be wise in his eyes. שְׁעַשְׂטִּי כְּרָאָה He says, in matters of Torah study, if one sees fools mocking the words of the sages,
they should answer them to correct them of their error so that they not be wise in their own eyes. שְׁעַשְׂטִּי כְּרָאָה If you see someone who is transgressing, you should protest and reprove them. שְׁעַשְׂטִּי כְּרָאָה And King Solomon said, of blessed memory, he said, שְׁעַשְׂטִּי כְּרָאָה A soft answer turns away wrath. שְׁעַשְׂטִּי כְּרָאָה A soft tongue breaks strong anger. לְכֵּן יַעְגֶל אָדֶם לָעַצְמָה שְׁעִיִא לֹא דְּבָרִים רָקִים וְלֹא יִעְרָגִיר בְּדְבָרִים כָּשְׂם
Therefore, one should be accustomed to always speak soft words and not harsh words. So this is the very key, the very key function when we're talking about reprimanding someone, there's a way to do it that is correct and there's a way to do it that is way, way wrong, which is harsh words to let out your anger, your frustration about what someone else did is never going to bring about a fruitful result. It has to be with a pleasantness in order for it to not fall on deaf ears.
So if you see someone who is mocking the words of Torah, mocking the words of our sages, there is a way, it has to be in the nicest way for a person, don't stay silent, you have to say something, you have to rebuke or reprimand or correct or give an explanation so that they have an understanding of what the right and or wrong way is, but it should be done properly, it should be done with a softness. A person has to be very careful with their tongue.
Take care and heed your tongue as the apple of your eye. The mouth of a fool is his destruction and his lips are the stumbling block of his soul. And the verse states even further, one who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from affliction. You know how many heartaches come to a person because of the words, the words that we use and the tone that we use. You can say the right words, but the wrong way,
or you can say it the right way, but the wrong words. As the verse states, the best way to show wisdom is by being silent. It's always better for people to say no, speak up, want to hear your opinion, than being the one who's always talking and people tell you to quiet down, be quiet, we don't want to hear you talk anymore. It's always better to be the one who's silent, that they say we want to hear your opinion, because then they'll listen,
versus being the person who's always talking, talking too much, and then people don't want to hear you anymore and they quiet you down. A person has to be extremely careful to not shame another person, not to embarrass another person, or to pain a person with words. And we learned this previously. The author teaches us that there is a biblical command not to cause another person pain. Yes, that includes on X and includes on all social media platforms. To cause another person pain is a biblical prohibition.
A person should not cause pain to another person. So by insulting another person, you're causing another person pain. A person has to do everything they can to avoid getting into a situation where they're causing another person pain. If a person has any type of blemish that ashames them, whether it's a physical defect, whether it's a defect in their children, or child, or their spouse, that they're embarrassed by it, or something in their family lineage. A person is very, very sensitive.
If a person has any type of limitation, a person who has a speech impediment, a person who has a physical blemish. So even if you're not talking about them, you're talking about a third party. Don't talk about it in front of them. Why? Because they're extremely sensitive. It's going to cause them pain. A person who has a blemish always thinks they're talking about him. They're always talking about me. It's an amazing psychology that they're so sensitive to it
that they think that it is about them that you're talking about. Even though you're referring to a different person, they have that sensitivity. If a person did something wrong, a disgraceful act, and repented for it, a person should also be very careful not to speak of that person's old ways. So someone who used to be, just for example's sake, someone who cheated in business. They went to prison. They came out of prison. They repented. They paid back all of their debts.
They'll never do business the same way they did in the past. Now they're honest. They're scrupulous about every single penny, making sure that it's received honest, that they pay their taxes properly. They're very, very cautious to ensure that everything is on the up and up. And now you go and you say, oh, you remember back then. You remember when you cheated people. That's not fair. The person already repented. The person changed their ways. The person paid back all of their debts.
They did everything they needed to do, and now you're bringing up their past. A person who was in any way living with a certain level of unscrupulous behavior or in a disgraceful manner, and they repented for it. So you shouldn't even joke around about it and say, oh, you remember those days. You remember those good old days. You remember what we did together, even if you're including yourself in it. Another very important thing about silence. If someone says something that you already know,
or you already heard that story, you already heard that piece of news, you already know this fact, remain silent and let them finish it. Don't take away their, don't steal their thunder. Oh, yeah, yeah. That story. Yeah, I heard that one already. Or that joke. Take away someone's joke, right? The halacha says that one should remain silent. Don't steal someone else's platform. Don't steal someone else's excitement about what they're about to share. For another reason. The author says there's another reason.
Perhaps you're going to learn something new that you didn't know before. So you think you know the story and you have your idea of what can be learned from it. Perhaps there's something else you can learn from it that you're not going to pay attention to because, oh, I know that story already. I know it already. A person should remain silent. And you're taking away his pleasure of sharing with you this piece of information.
He has enjoyment by sharing this, and now it's going to be stolen from him. Even if you know that there's not going to be any novel understanding, you're not going to have any nuances that you're going to learn from this. There's nothing that you're going to learn from it. Still remain silent. Don't steal their thunder. If two people were in a fight, they were in a quarrel, they were in an argument, and then they made up, they made peace.
You shouldn't later come and say, you know, you did this and this to me, so that's why I did that and that to you. Don't bring it up. Even if your intention is not to go back now into the fight. Because what happens is when you bring up the old story again, what's going to happen? Now he's going to say, yeah, it was your fault because you said this, you did that, and therefore it's going to bring up the whole thing again.
They're going to get into the fight once again. Even if they don't get back into the fight, now one side could be embarrassed by what they have done, which is why I think it's an important and interesting thing. Sometimes I spoke to actually a young man who was facing a little challenge in his marriage, and he said he went for therapy, and he said things got worse. Why? This makes a lot of sense. Because what happened when they went to therapy,
they brought back up all of the old fights, and now the fights are fresh in their memory again, and now that fight is now as fiery as ever. It might sometimes be wise for them not to bring up that, and maybe, again, I'm not a therapist, so maybe I have a wrong understanding here, but sometimes it might not be wise to bring it up again so that all of that fire doesn't come to the fore again.
So we see here that there are many things that our sages teach us are important for us to remain silent about and not to talk about, especially not bringing up old stories. Someone who repented, this is what the halacha says. The Talmud brings this, and the halacha concludes this, is that if someone repented, someone became a baal teshuva, someone repented about their old ways, whether it was ways that they acted, the way that they ate, the way that they talked,
the way that they behaved, the way that they did business, whatever it may be in the past, and now a person changed their ways. You're not allowed to bring up their past. You remember when you were like this? You remember when you did that? We were a bunch of silly kids. Remember, it's not such a simple thing. The halacha says not to bring up the errors of someone's past. Also, it can make them uncomfortable in their new relationship. Oh, you never told me about that.
You never told me that you were a swindler. You never told me, right? It's very important to maintain other people's dignity in all situations. All right, so this concludes day number 115.
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