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"Just My POV" is basically that messy, unfiltered group chat argument about relationships and Nigerian struggles brought to life on screen. It’s Pearl and the crew shouting the controversial opinions everyone thinks but is usually too scared to say with their chest
Hey guys, it's another episode of the freshest podcast on the planet and it's called Just My POV. As you all know, I am P Cardi and I'm Kelvin and today we're talking about everything that has to do like with relationships and is not in the way that you think. What do you think sustains a relationship more? Love, sex, or money? Um, so the dynamics are just crazy to be honest. Like I think it depends on who you're dating or who is dating you. So lots of people value money so much. Lots of people have love like acts of service, words of affirmation. All those parts will categorize that one under love. Then money you know that one is like buying you gifts, taking you out, traveling and whatnot. And then sex. Sex to me personally I feel like sex is like a constant key. It's there regardless if you have a good or a bad relationship. While I know that there are some people who are is the word dissatisfied with their partner when sexually there are some people who have the such issues but I mean sex is one of the things that you can easily get or give so easily. Yeah, you can get it from anyone. Yeah, it's like it's just there. If you ask me personally, yeah, personally, I feel like it depends on what you as an individual is looking for in the relationship, right? But these days, most people that get into relationships, and I actually see it lasting for a period, it goes both ways. It's either money or love, you know. So, you're not regarding sex at all in this? Maybe for me in particular, I don't know. For people who really really love the you understand that thing, maybe maybe sex could be the reason you're in the relationship. But you know that same sex you can get it from anyone. You know you can get sex from anyone. You can maybe your ex maybe like a sneaky link or something. Not necessarily the relationship. I see for the relationship if let's say for example now there's this babe. She's like an influencer figure and she's going to get into a relationship with someone and he's unable to treat her like she treats herself. that relationship is not necessarily going to last. What do you think? Well, yeah, absolutely. But then that one is now not about the money. That one is basically about love because if you don't love yourself, you Yes. If you don't love yourself, you can't treat yourself in a certain way, right? You get me? Like even if you don't have money, if you love yourself, there's a way that you treat yourself. So then you be hoping to get a partner who can do something like that or do better. But then when it comes to just money, you can have money and still not love yourself. There's so many people in the world who are like that. So, so that's why I said it's quite dynamic. It's not necessarily like one thing. As much as I know that guys always make us females feel like when we ask them for money that, oh, that's all that there is, but it really isn't about just the money. You can have the money and still not even choose to give me. And that is really what we're seeing. Yeah. And I always I would tell my friends every day that um even if that person is a billionaire, you are a roadside beggar, if your money have not yet touched our hand, you know. It doesn't matter how much money you have. If you're not going to give that money to someone, who are you? What are you? Where are you from? Well, a lot of a lot of a lot of guys especially like to have money to show off. They don't really like to have the money to give you. So that's why these days you find ladies who are doing the work, getting the money themselves, and they're like, "Well, if you're not going to give me or if you're not going to care for me, then off." You get me? Yeah. And honestly, you should go. You should leave. I think people these days, if you're getting into a relationship, you need to even ask this person, "What are the things you're looking for in a relationship?" People should have this discussion because there are some people who need material things. I mean, there has to be a level of likeness before you guys get to a point where you want to be in a relationship, right? Maybe not necessarily love. I think the word is is more like attraction. Attraction. That's the word. Yeah. So, you're attracted to someone and then you tell the person all the things you're looking for in the relationship. If the person is not ready to give it to you, make uncle make it go. Because there are people who see girls like um Instagram buddies that open up their body and stuff. You are a man who is attracted to a more reserved like a conservative type of person and you now follow an Instagram body who is about flaunting her body going in vets and all of that and now you want to be in a relationship with her and change her from who she is. How about the church girls? Come think of it. What's your take on cheating? Something I've come to realize or I think the society should accept is the fact that cheating is strictly for men, not for women. Men can cheat, but women should not, I repeat, should not having this conversation. Agarus are godscent without them there is no legal basically in Nigeria my country you don't need education to become a president all you need this is a space where your voice matters no cut offs no fear because your dreams are valid and in this face they will be heard. And now this entire conversation has brought me to one type of marriage that is brand new but then it's just happening. Have you guys heard about lavender marriages? Yeah. So, I know what it means, but I just decided that you know what, let me just give you guys like a Google definition of lavender marriages so that you're very clear to understand what we're about to talk about. So, lavender marriage refers to a heterosexual marriage entered into primarily for reasons other than love, often to conceal the sexual orientation of one or both partners. So, with this being said, as the definition, I find that on IG, I see that a lot of gay men want to go into lavender marriages with like straight women or lesbian women, but most of the time they're simply just looking for a partner who is female. And I'm kind of like, what's going on? I thought you guys wanted to get married to each other. Okay. So, while it is also true that the idea of having a lavender marriage is to conceal a situation and like an agreement. So, what that means is you guys or like gay guys can't even get themselves to agree with straight men or with gay men as well that much that they now need to cover up with a straight woman. Yeah. Well, I I kind of I get you I get where you're going with it, but I kind of disagree with and with with probably the men. Okay, so let me say it this way. First of all, most straight men are a moving red flag. I'm sorry to say. Yeah, but they are like moving red flags. And asidees that they are moving red flags, society is a big red flag too. I mean when we are going to talk about like the LGBTQ community and this society they are in this endless conflict right and you know for most queer people they have like family members and all wait conflict of what conflict like they don't really agree with themselves I mean as much as we can say that there's nobody who doesn't know about queer people everybody knows about them now but the level of hatred and injustice that these people tend to experience is so much it's so much let's be very honest and I think that's the main idea behind it right behind what the lavender marriage okay so then if your sexuality is so important that you have to be um defined by it why and then you have to go through all this pressure and all this process to prove to anyone else that you must accept me based on my sexual uality. Why do I then have to cover up? Okay. Yeah. There are so many types of queer people. So, there are people who are in the closet, you know. So, anybody who is going to be a lavender marriage, these are not closed people. Okay. They are openly outrightly gay men, but they get themselves involved in like the lavender thing, but they they seem to be interested in having a female partner over even having a gay partner. Gay partner. So that's where I'm kind of like wait you guys your kids can have it they were hurt I bet you must have tried it before then in the first place. Yeah. Why are you trying to be defined by that? So it so the thing about you know speaking about maybe like the LGBTQ community it gets very complicated because they too are also in a dilemma of trying to prove to you that they are this way and then you must accept them but then which now everyone is now okay cool go about your business like that but then they now come back and say okay now I am like this but then I also want to be able to enjoy this other thing and this other thing and life doesn't really give you those type Um, okay. So, in these lavender marriages, do you think they tick sexual boxes? I doubt. So, yes, they do because because because most of them that I also see on IG when these guys are talking about, oh, that they're open to having a lavender marriage, they're also open to have kids with his women. They want to have kids still because the idea usually of humanity, besides the fact that you want to be a successful person, you kind of also want to reproduce. You want to see what your fruits would be, what your own kids will look like. You want to groom them. And a lot of gay men are feminine. So, because they are, they also have that instinct to want to be nurturing and caring and have their kids. They want to A lot of gay men are masculine. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 70% of them are masculine. No, no, no, no. They are not. And this is 70% of them are masculine. Such an obvious lie. The effeminate people in the qu community is very little. It's very they are actually very little. Why this body always do like masculine that are gay are too many. Oh my lord. No, for real. They are too many. No, calm down. The most gay men are feminite. And I'm not saying that there aren't masculine men who are gay. So this your point is not even adding up. There are masculine men who are gay, but the majority of the gay community men are feminine and then the girls are probably like masculine. That is why you have like, oh, I'm changing transitions. I'm transgender. Okay. So, if they weren't so feminine or a feminine, why do they want to bother to have all that and then be and have nails? So, if we're talking about being gay, it's centered on the sexuality, which is what they get laid with which is what a lot of the people want to be identified. Not necessarily not necessarily your expression identified as that. Yeah. Because if we're going to say this way because I male um gay men are mainly there are men who are attracted to men. Yeah. Yes. But there are some of them are feminine. They are by men. There are actual gay men and you understand what I mean like it's the effeminate people in the whole gay umbrella and not as much what who the and not as much I don't like the you only say you only say it because No, no, no. You only think that you only think that the effeminate people are like they are the gay ones because you know the first time you look at someone who's fem you automatically would say they are gay. No, I wouldn't because it's not written on the forehead. The majority of the masculine men, a lot of them are actually gay. Some are yet to find out. Some have found out years ago. Many of them are ticking these boxes and they would kill to consume the truth. Now this thing that you're saying, I somewhat agree that there are a lot of masculine men who are still gay. However, in the gay community, most of the men that are said to be into men are affeminite. Now, that does not take away from the fact that there are a lot of heterosexual men who are rather gay than heterosexual because they don't even like women. But that's a conversation for another day. Have even done. It's honestly very complicated. It's very complicated. And that's why I decided to talk about this lavender marriages because what it has done is it has complicated a simple idea and direction that we were just going with, which was okay, you're gay, this is your partner, move on with that. this your move on with that. Now they're now going into another blend which is like okay so now I am still like this but then I also want to have a relationship with a heterosexual like or have a partner that's either lesbian but opposite sex which now contradicts the idea of being gay in the first place. So that's where I'm a little bit confused. If you're any of those who are into lavender marriages or want to go into it, you can please comment and just enlighten me a little bit or enlighten us both. Like I come to think of it, what's your take on cheating? Something I've come to realize or I think the society should accept is the fact that cheating is strictly for men, not for women. Men can cheat, but women should not, I repeat, should not I don't know why we are not having this conversation. Agarus are godscent. Without them there is no legal. Basically in Nigeria my country you don't need education to become a president. All you need. This is a space where your voice matters. No cuto offs, no fear because your dreams are valid. And in this space, they will be heard. Because me I would only have assumed that people who get themselves involved in lavender marriages are doing it to conceal the truth. Hence they are not open about their sexuality. However they carry themselves in such a way that suggests that they are already gay. Even women like do you understand? So I'm kind of like bro or sis what are you doing? What do you think about longdistance relationships? So longist relationships here. That thing is tiring. Ah, it is. It is. Come on. Like, ah. So, it's like you miss the person, you're thinking about the person, you want to see the person, but you just can't. You guys now do like video calls or like send each other messages, but then it doesn't do what it's supposed to do. How? However, I know that there are people who it's inevitable. They live in a world where they are just walls apart. They have business here and then then the young person and they kind of need to keep it together. But I just want to be honest. What do you do to keep relationship? Yeah. It takes now takes me back to like your you know our first conversation when we're talking about love, sex or money or money. Now, in a long-distance relationship, if you're not taking care of your partner, like sending them money to offset their issues or bills or stress, I think that that relationship is just going to be too hectic for your partner. Now, on the other hand, if you are a babe Yeah. Now, on the other hand, it depends on your communication. At the other hand, you as a babe who's in a longdistance relationship, if you're not sending your man some strakes, some orice or just being there to listen to him when he's stressed after work, I don't know what you're doing. Now, with this being said, there's a chance if what like more than 50% like 70% chance that your partner will still cheat on you, especially because just because the person's not around. If you're a man that's sending money to your partner, the person going to chop your money. Yeah. And be enjoying herself with whoever partner that she's with or that's around and then the guy you will send him tricks and he'll get a hard on and he would just find some girl that he's just going to to enjoy himself. So longist relationships personally doesn't work for you. Yeah. But I can do it if I really like the person. I can try to do it. But it can't be for too long. All those people that are dating long distance, 3 years, 5 years, I can get it if you guys were already together before the person now travels or like has that's not like you meet them online and you're ah by the time I've been talking to you for the next how many months? Let me just say I don't know maybe six months or if you're really active. Sh we can be for longer but personally nah I'm not I'm not a fan of longist relationship. How about you? Yes. So um on this issue of longistance relationship. Wait you look like you look like you've been in a longist relationship. Maybe not one, maybe not two, maybe not three, maybe not. Okay, so you have. So um for longdistance relationships because I'm a very passionate person. I'm a very deep person. I don't know maybe for other people and you know in relationships some pe people's priorities are different some people are some people might be asexual who knows some people are demisexual some people are um sapioexual you know all of these things and in long-distance relationships in long-distance relationships let's be very honest in long relationships you get to actually connect with this person because all the distractions that you know you guys would encounter counter if you guys were seeing yourselves it's not necessarily there you know for instance you meet him or her and then you guys go out today you guys would easily get bored why you guys would easily get bored I mean no so what I'm saying in essence is when you guys are able to connect emotionally and intellectually and you're able to hold it for a longer period of time. That means you're into this person for who the person is, not necessarily the idea of having the person around you or maybe lost or these things. Yeah. So, hold on. The thing about I get you and I absolutely agree when it comes to like will actually last a way to unless you're catfishing, bro. Exactly. Because there are some people that can lie. First of all, people they lie. They just enjoy it. It's fun. It makes everything colorful and nice. Like now in your longdistance relationship, you may be smelly on your bed under the duvet and then the guy is like, "Hey, what are you doing?" Oh, I just got out the shower, bro. They lied. Yeah. With everything. And I'm kind of like, come on. There's that one. There's also the idea where um you're saying things to somebody because you know that you're not in front of the person. You're never going to Yeah. So even the just for the plot and I realize that a lot of people really live for the plot especially in this generation it's kind of like so for me I feel like uh as much as you can create such a strong bond with somebody I absolutely agree especially when you're talking about real emotions real mind real heart yes that's great and wonderful but then there comes a time when You meet somebody in your physical life and that person will trigger something. No, the person will even trigger something that you start to be as much as you're talking to this other person, you start to leave the idea of this person in this other person. And I know this because it happened before when I tried long relationship with other people in my younger years though. As an adult now, it's different. If I'm with somebody, I'm with the person. I'm not playing it. I'm not confused. I'm not trying to be funny. I'm focused on it. It's different. I'm dating for a purpose. It's different now. So, I think that people should try, even if you have like you have like a longdistance relationship, try to put in more work, try to just be more attached to the person. It's difficult to always travel back and forth, but you can at least try twice in a year. How about that? That's very fair. That's very fair. But my own advice to people in long-distance relationships is I think if you're in a long-distance relationship with somebody, at least try to put in the effort. You know, you don't just talk every day. Is is advisable that you guys communicate every day. Yeah. And you know, give yourself tabs of everything that happened. But make this person feel you. Wait, wait, wait. Make this person feel Wait, but if you don't talk every day, what are you doing? I just want just No. Sometimes, you know, sometimes if you give attention to some human beings, they get too carried away and then they relax and then they wait for you to keep calling them every day, you know. So, you need to Yeah. You need to be able to read the mood. You need to Yeah. And you have to emphasize on everything. For instance, if the person pisses you off, you need to say it with your full mouth. Unless you die in silence. Another thing, you know, because that individual will call you tomorrow. Somebody who pissed you off call you tomorrow. Hello, how are you? And you said you contact how how but that's another thing about this long distance relationship when you're messaging the person and you people are going back and forth. How do you how is it real? Um it's real. It's actually real. You need to you need to be able to imagine that this person is somewhere around you. Like your imaginations are going to do the most of the job. Ah see now if for instance if now for instance you want to message me and you say I'm coming right and you don't put any emoji Yeah. beside it. I don't know what tone of voice you used to say. Yeah. when you're in a because even as familiar as we are you always say that I'm just sounding straightforward but you don't know I'm laughing while I'm text you text very mean I'm a very but I'm not a very horrible text I'm just a straightforward text so the very few words yeah I don't write too much if you check even on my page I don't comment too much like write a long no no I just say what I need to say real quick but then I realized that a lot of people misunderstand me when I just say okay or yes or thank you. They think I'm supposed to say hey thank you. But how do you type that? I think I have um 50° when I I said I don't mean degree as per um temperature. I mean degree like I collect it. I graduate from it. When it comes to No, not texting. I hate texting. When it comes to like online no conversations, I don't think it makes any sense that you text. Texting is very stressful. No, it isn't. See, what happened to video calls? What happened to calls? So, I love calls as well, and I can relate to calls because you can also hear from the tone of my voice how I'm feeling, if I'm excited and whatnot. I get that. But texting is so cool because you can live two lives. I can be here at a party and I'm having so much fun at this party, but then I'm chatting with this guy who's sending me like maybe some noodles or something and I'm like and I'm smiling. I'm getting the best of both world. I'm like, "Oh my god." And then there's music and then there's a drink and I'm like And then I'm drinking the best. You are so wrong. Okay, that makes sense. It's so cool. It's really so cool texting. But a lot of people don't get it because you have to type these letters word that letter by letter to make a word. But then texting is just cool. I just feel like longist relationships aren't things that really need to be long forever. Like it just needs to be long for a period of time. Don't less abuse it just because the person is there and available to answer. Because another thing I realized is if you're in a longdist relationship and you guys are always in touch, the person at some point when they get so used to it doesn't realize that there's a need for them to see you. Um yeah, there comes a time if you're always there. No, if you're always there, hello, good morning, good morning, and you send a photo. Oh, this is where I am. This is what I did today. The person does not now see the need to see you. The person sees the need to see you when or maybe you don't answer one night person they suspect maybe you went out that night you're with somebody then the guy will come look in fact I'm packing my seats I'm going to find out and then he'll now move you get so these longdist relationships for me are just a dynamic that should just be a short time short period of time you have very very low patience yeah you already some of us can wait for one Yeah, everybody knows I'm not very patient. No, not 2 years. But if you're going to be in a longdist relationship with someone, as long as you know that you guys are eventually going to meet, when I say eventually going to meet, not like wishes, you guys have plans. You're planning, working towards it. You have to work towards it. when you guys are going to meet is in 2030. As long as you know that there's that plan, 2030 feels like just tomorrow, you know, because you guys are working towards it. It's unlike you guys are talking every day. So, do you think it's possible we're going to meet? It depends. Let's see how it goes. Are you normal? What are you depending on? You know, and um it's important. Please send these people flowers. Send gifts. That's where the money comes in. people are. You can't tell someone who at least someone who is hot, this person is in a an entirely different continent and you're in a longdistance relationship with this person. You want to claim ownership of this person, but you don't think that there are other people like you running that same race. No, you understand? You need to do something that will make them feel your presence. Something more than hey, what's up? Good morning. No, don't worry. You know, they are very special. They're very special. Who told you that hello baby face is too cute that you know when they think of other things that they enjoy, they will now really just relax because you sent from God somewhere. How people like to think that they special. Anyways, we've been talking so much about relationships. If you guys have any comments, make sure that you comment down below in the comment section so that you can enlighten us a little bit better if there's anything that we were missing out during this conversation. But just before we leave, I actually wanted to tell you guys that ding ding ding ding ding, we've got our own Just my POV mic. So, now we've come to the end of this week's episode of Just My POV. Remember that this will be showing at the house chronicles on YouTube. There are several other shows to be showing because it is just my POV.