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Join LaVonna as she welcomes her first guest to the podcast mic, Frederica Tokponwey, author of Debunking the Myth of a Superwoman
Stories of Transitions and Triumphs.
LaVonna: Greetings friends and
welcome to taking a deep breath,
.Stories of transitions and triumphs.
I'm your girl and your host Levana
Floreal of this podcast series.
That discusses these moments of
inspiration .You see life requires
us to reflect, .And often those
reflections comes by taking a deep
breath It's In these deep breath moments
that we come across, what
I like to call is aha.
You know, that light bulb that
goes off it's when a sudden
realization, inspiration
recognition or comprehension of an.
Or events in your life
that can lead to growth.
So today's episode features a guest,
a friend, a confidant, and just
a really inspiring woman that I
have known for close to 40 years.
In in fact, she was my college
teammate during our lady VO
days at the university of T.
Today.
I welcome my friend Fredrica Toon way.
Welcome Freddy.
That's what I call her Freddy.
Frederica: Thank you for
having me here on the, your
LaVonna: podcast.
so we're just gonna have a conversation
and we're just gonna let this just roll.
There's not gonna be any
like perfection about this.
We're just gonna have a talk about
this wonderful woman and her own
podcast series that I just have loved.
And I'm just so excited to introduce
you to her and have her talk to you
about what's happening for, for herself.
But before we do.
Fred.
I think what I would love for you to do
is to think about three or four adjectives
that you would use to describe yourself,
Frederica: transformative,
inspirational, and empowered.
Wow.
LaVonna: So tell us why, why do
you, why are all of those three
words, these wonderful words
that you use to describe your.
Well,
Frederica: I say transformative is
because I've been doing, I guess,
for the last definitely the last five
years I've been doing some really
deep work and transforming myself to
a different level of thinking, you
know, thinking from that, changing my
mindset from negative or debilitating
to just more impactful and hopeful.
LaVonna: Okay.
So do you think that you can tell us
a little bit about your background?
I mean, I've known you since our
days at Tennessee, we were track
and field athletes at Tennessee.
She was a heap athlete.
And then if you don't know what
HETA athlete is, can you tell.
True.
I was
Frederica: a HETA athlete.
A multi-event so basically in
a heptathlon is seven events.
You have the hundred meter hurdles,
you have the shot, put the javelin
the long jump, the high jump, the 800.
And I'm missing something
in, in the four, in the 200
LaVonna: mini dash
Frederica: while it's been a while.
So, you know,
LaVonna: right.
And so we started our years together
at the university of Tennessee where
I was mostly a hundred hurdler and we.
Traveled through each other's lives.
Building memories, watching our families
grow, watching our children grow.
And from the days of Tennessee to, you
know, there's so many things that have
happened in between the days of Tennessee.
And where you are now, tell us a little
bit about your career and that career
path that you took once you left college.
Frederica: Yeah, once I left left college,
I immediately went into the workforce.
I became a social worker, , I
didn't even realize, but I've always
had a knack to just help people.
So my first job and the
workforce was a social worker.
And then after the social
work, I became a N Y P D police
officer for about four years.
And then I've ended my work
career by completing 23 years
as a, a port authority police
LaVonna: officer, a police woman.
Can you believe it?
A no, on a New York city police woman.
Woo girl.
I got.
Yeah, bet you there's some
stories you can tell me.
Oh my God, plenty, please.
well, Freddy, also, what I love about
her is she's done a phenomenal job of
raising this wonderful black queen.
That I just have the utmost respect for,
in terms of I just love who a cha is.
I just love what you poured into,
or you wanna tell us , just a
little bit about your princess.
Frederica: Yeah, well, I just thank God
just for giving me an opportunity , to
mother a beautiful daughter, a Chaya.
Shy has just been just
inspiration just to my life.
And yes shy is like a better
version of myself, whatever.
I lack that, whatever I lack when
I was a young child, I try to pour
into a shy so that she can have the
agency to make better choices and
better decisions and just show up,
you know, just more empowered and
inspired than I was at that at a young
LaVonna: age.
Well, how awesome is that?
So.
This podcast is really to talk about
stories of transitions and triumphs.
And so we've already talked about
who you were in the workforce, gave
a little bit of who you are as a mom,
have adjectives to go alongside of who
you see yourself as, but you are doing
something that actually has inspired me.
The reason why I'm doing this podcast
is it comes birthed out of all the
discussions that we have about.
, you're not just your podcast,
your book, your website, all
the things that you're doing.
And I love this title to please
tell me that I have it right.
Debunking the myth of a superwoman.
Absolutely.
Yes, that is.
I love man.
That is a powerful, powerful photographer.
So we're gonna spend just
a little bit, just like.
Peeling Dr.
Layers on that.
And I guess my first question is
how did you come to that topic?
Frederica: For most of my life,
I've been just kind of seen as this
super girl superwoman, I believe
because I've had that, you know,
platform early on in that sport of
track and field being one of the top.
Junior athletes in my younger
days I feel that everybody just
always saw me as a superwoman.
And, I just kind of went on with that.
But what I realized was a lot of
times, even though I was look upon as
a superwoman, I wasn't feeling like
a superwoman, but I hid that size.
So just throughout the course of my
life, I realized that there was a lot
of hidden things and I just wanted
to just be more transformative.
I believe just as women, we are
showing up just so powerful, but I
just wanted to just make it okay.
To show that side when we're not feeling
okay when we don't have all the answers
when we are weak, when we wanna cry.
So Debu of the myth of a superwoman is
just about showing up as a superwoman
baby yet let's deal with those
hidden weaknesses you know, or those
hidden, maybe shameful times that
LaVonna: we may have.
So when you talk about myths, Can you
give us anything specific that, you
know, not without revealing totally
what your your journey is in terms of
what you're gonna be doing with your
podcast, but is there anything that
you can share of us about a particular
myth that you're trying to debunk?
Frederica: Well, for example, let's just
say like a superwoman is always known
as someone that has it all together.
That is not the case.
There's many times when I just
cannot figure it out, but I
may show up as if I have it or
LaVonna: figured.
. So, is there anything specific that you
can share with us where you've seen that?
I mean, cause I think the
audience, you know, We can draw
from others' personals experience.
Right?
So when I talked about the, when it's
over moment and how that was really
difficult for me to trans transform
myself from this elite athlete to
whatever the next stage is in my life
were, is there anything that you are
willing to share with us about the, the
myth that you were trying to bust up?
I mean, like, for example, for me
personally you're an imposing woman,
meaning that you're pretty tall.
You're pretty broad . And oftentimes
in life, when we see women like that,
we think, I always said it, you, one
of the strongest women I've ever known,
not realizing that just like any other
person you've had challenges in your
life that you've had to you know, trave.
So, is there anything that you might be
able a story you might be able to tell
us that will help us with this myth?
Frederica: Well, just one example.
I've lost my parents at a very young age.
By the time I was 18 years old, I had
my mother and my father had passed.
So I'm showing up again and
this life like everything's okay.
But during that time in
my life, I felt abandoned.
I felt unprotected and I
felt very vulnerable, but I
wasn't showing up in that way.
I wasn't looking that way, but deep
down aside, I was feeling that way.
And nobody knew, because
I was hiding that part of
LaVonna: me.
Yeah.
And I had no idea this, this would
been when you came to college and
exactly, you know, and again, I saw you.
it's probably because of
the New York thing, right?
Mm-hmm , you know, how people are
when they think of people from
New York, you know, they they're
strong, they're no nonsense.
They don't take anything, but ultimately
over the years I find out that that was
a that was a hard time in your life.
Can you talk a little bit about what being
recruited and going to the university of
Tennessee did for you, in terms of maybe
helping you to To work through some of
those challenges, you know, losing your.
Frederica: You know, what being
recruited was a blessing in disguised.
You know, we always look at the difficult
things that we are going through, but
in the midst of me losing my parents,
God always provided a way from a
way out of no way for me in that I
received a full athletic scholarship.
So that afforded me an opportunity now
to go to college and get my education,
even though I didn't have any parents
opportunities were still available to me.
So I thought that just was a.
You know, great stepping stone for me.
And I took advantage of it.
I came to college with a, a different
agenda because I knew back home.
I didn't have, my parents parental
support, I should say , my siblings was
there, but they were doing the best they
can without our parent without no parents.
So just having that opportunity of
going to college eight or afforded me an
opportunity that I don't think I wouldn't
have gotten if I wasn't in that sport
LaVonna: of track and.
Yeah.
And when you mentioned your siblings, I
know that that has always been the thing.
I bring it up all the time.
So that's why she's looking at me.
Like here it comes.
Cause it has always impressed
me that she is the youngest of
Frederica: 16 children.
Yes.
I'm the younger, the 16
kids, 11 boys and five girls.
Yes.
16.
LaVonna: just the thought of your
mom birthing 16 children, just like.
Woo.
That makes me take a, a deep breath.
As a matter of fact, I think we need
to send a clap to your mama for that.
16 children.
Yep.
Woo.
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
Y'all bless them.
Yeah know all right.
So moving on when we are talking
about aha moments, can you share with
us like any of your own aha moments,
those, you know, where you just.
Oh, I get it.
Like where you have a revelation or
where you come to, you know, like an
inspiration or maybe even the inspiration
for your, your podcast or your book and
everything that you're gonna be doing.
With this goal, you have.
I think the
Frederica: thing, the aha moment for
me, again, in establishing debunk and
the myth of a superwoman, it was just
all about, again, just being authentic.
If we can really just be authentic
and, and put those, those things that
we identify as shameful in front, then
they no longer have power over us.
It's just about exposing the very
things that we have described,
or we have put in our life as
hurdles or things of that nature.
But once I started actually, Showcasing
them and putting 'em in the limelight sort
of speak, they became easy to deal with.
It's just like a bully.
Once you expose the bully's weaknesses
or, you know, things of that nature,
they, they no longer have the power
of you because now you, you decided,
or I decided to challenge that
everything or expose that everything
that I felt was a superpower in my
LaVonna: life.
Well, I wanna share a aha moment.
I mean, there have been many that
we have talked over these last four
years, I I've been more transparent.
You've been transparent and we have
had some really good deep conversations
and, again, sometimes she'll say
something to me and I will say,
Hey, wait a minute, wait a second.
Let me write this down.
And this one has really stuck out with me.
So it was an aha moment for me.
It's when you said stop taking.
The current Levana and the lessons learned
and stopped judging the past Levana
of the new lessons that were learned.
Yeah, that's an aha moment.
Right.
Frederica: I think again, especially with
us having a relationship so long, like
we could just use our us as an example,
I think we know people and we deal with
people from when we first meet them,
and when a person first met me there,
again, they seeing me as a strong person,
but I actually had a different mindset.
Like I said, I was feeling unprotected.
I was feeling banded.
So, you know, I was showing up.
I was looking like a
strong, but I wasn't strong.
So I, for a long time, I never
had the leeway with Levana
to show myself differently.
Right.
Mm-hmm so that's like
kind of a situation.
So she always helped me.
based on the person she saw when she, we
first went to university of Tennessee.
LaVonna: Hmm.
You see what I'm saying?
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
And so that means that I've gone
through the entire friendship
up until four or five years ago.
Which is what, 40, 35 years.
Right.
Of going through the same ideas of who
I saw this person as now let's be clear.
I didn't know.
There was something else different.
I just know what I had the storyline
that I had created in my mind.
But when you said that
to me, judging myself.
So harshly based on what
I know now, that was like,
that's how I felt like, oh man,
because I do that all the time.
As a matter of fact, I think we
all do this, you know, a lot.
And we don't give ourselves the leadway
to To grow and to forgive ourselves
for who we were leading up to the
new person or the new aha moments
that we're figuring out in life.
What do you do in your
life to take a deep breath?
How do you come to a,
take a deep breath moment?
Frederica: Oh, like I said so
many things, so I and one thing
I can, I attribute all of my.
my healing to God.
I'm a Christian woman and I have really
just put God at the forefront of my life.
And just again, just really.
looking at my looking, my old self in
the face, you know, rebelling against the
old Fri Rica, you know, saying, you know
what, I'm not gonna go back to who I was.
You're gonna deal with the weaknesses.
You're gonna deal with the
things that you're shameful of.
And you're going to transform
yourself based on doing the work.
So doing the work meant being more
vulnerable, doing the work meant you know,
Talking, you know, going back and telling
the people who, who I really was, how I
really felt doing the work really meant
telling stories about horrific things
that happened to me about my traumas,
about things that occurred to me that
created this woman that everybody sees.
LaVonna: Hmm.
Well i, I like that.
I, I like what you had to say.
Well, as we get closer to ending this
discussion, I would wanna give you
a chance to tell the audience about.
Podcasts your website, you know, what
you have going on and how they can
find you and where they can find.
Frederica: Yes, my podcast is called
debunking the myth of a superwoman.
You can find it on
Spotify and apple podcast.
And basically my Instagram is I am frika.
I have links to, to my
podcast on the link on that.
That platform as well,
as well as my website.
And again, it's just, it's just,
I, the bunk in the myth of the
superwoman is just a podcast.
You know, again, I wanna
just be transparent.
I wanna make be transparent.
Okay.
I wanna just give my audience.
Take 'em on a journey basically.
And knowing who they are and
empowering them to summon and
ignite their authentic superpower.
Yes, it's okay to be superwoman it's okay.
To show up superwoman, but are you
showing up as a superwoman really would
have dealing with those hidden issues?
Like it's okay.
I just wanted to share my
stories are pitfalls and.
And, you know, share other
individuals who, who are looked
upon as that superhero, as that
superwoman, who has it all together.
And just really just be authentic
with that individual, because there's
a lot of women out there that's
thinking that they're not doing
right, or they're not making it,
or they don't have what it takes.
And I wanna let them know
that, you know, it's okay.
Some of us are showing up in life,
look like we have it all together.
But we are still wounded from
past hurt, pain and depression.
So I'm hoping that sharing my stories, you
know, I have a lot of past trauma and not
to compare one to another, but to showing
them, letting them know, listen, I've
been through some heartache and I kind
of made it so possibly you can make it as
LaVonna: well.
That's excellent.
That's excellent.
I am so proud of her and so excited.
For what she's doing and I'm so thankful
that you spent some time with me today
on my podcast taking a deep breath.
And I feel like every time I talk
to you, I get some aha moments.
So thank you, Freddy.
Thank you for having me.