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Lucy rewinds the clock further than before, and tells us a story of her first kiss.
Nery gives us some facts about food.
How many things could go wrong at a wedding? We bet this weeks write in can beat it.
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Nery gives us some facts about food.
How many things could go wrong at a wedding? We bet this weeks write in can beat it.
_________
Please like and subscribe and if you love us.
5 stars is such a great way to show us how much :)
Thanks for listening.
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Oh btw, we now have an email address
Put Lucy in the subject line when sending a Dumb Bitch story
Put Nery on the subject line when submitting random facts
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Creators and Guests
What is You Dumb Bitch?
Lucy and Nery tell stories about dumb moments that happened in their lives and learn how dumb other people can be in the process. While also seeing what grinds each others nuggets.
Welcome, Lucy and Neri, to Dumb Bitch HQ.
Speaker 2:Hey, guys. Look what I can do.
Speaker 3:You dumb bitch.
Speaker 4:Call an ambulance. Hello. Hello. I'm back. It's me, Lucifer.
Speaker 4:And dragged right out of the hospital garbage bin is Neri. Oh, and he's back.
Speaker 3:Back from the carpenter's table. How did that go? It's painful.
Speaker 4:So what? What? Splinters and all. Splinters and all. Can you get splinters on your splinters?
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah. Splinters. It's just more splinters.
Speaker 3:At what point does it stop becoming splinters and start becoming pieces I just have to cut out of myself?
Speaker 4:I don't know, man. I don't know. So you're back.
Speaker 3:I am back. I missed the live show. You left us abandoned. You mother no. That's fine.
Speaker 3:The show must go on as they say.
Speaker 4:You abandoned us. For good reason.
Speaker 3:I had I had surgery. I would probably wouldn't.
Speaker 4:So now you'll be a few inches tall. I was yeah. Belly button down. The line just keeps going up and up. Eventually, you're gonna be a whole wooden boy.
Speaker 3:I'd just be like a head.
Speaker 4:You'll be like the reverse Pinotchio. I'm not a real boy. I'm a wood boy.
Speaker 3:I'm a
Speaker 4:wood boy. I'm a wood boy.
Speaker 3:Terminately wood.
Speaker 4:And then everyone can be like, got wood? And you'd be like, I'm all wood, baby. I am wood. I am wood. I am wood.
Speaker 3:Yeah. What was you had a question? No. You said something? I I don't know.
Speaker 4:No. Fair enough. Can you get splinters on your splinters? And you said yes.
Speaker 3:Yeah. A few inches taller. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Oh, yeah. A few inches taller.
Speaker 3:Or a few inches shorter. I have a way I have a way to
Speaker 4:think you can afford much more shortness.
Speaker 3:I'm trying to get it on the ground. So,
Speaker 4:Have you, listened to the shenanigans that the producer and I got up to in your absence?
Speaker 3:I sure did. I hadn't heard it. So I
Speaker 4:want your feedback. Do you think I should get the jet ski?
Speaker 3:Do you plan on using it?
Speaker 4:I wanna sit on it and pretend, at least. What we'll do is if you do
Speaker 3:get it, we'll put a permanent green screen behind it. Yeah. And then you can just, like
Speaker 4:Think of the budget we could get through everything to do a You Dumb Bitch official movie Mhmm. Where we have a intro where we're on a jet ski. Well, if
Speaker 3:you do that, then you need a horse as well because you gotta end up by riding off into the sunset.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Exactly. I intend if I get one, I'm getting all of them. Oh, okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I say yes.
Speaker 4:Yeah. See?
Speaker 3:I say do it.
Speaker 4:So that means the producer is at Verdad. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah. What were the votes in the on the night? I didn't
Speaker 4:Everyone said that the jet ski was a bad investment, but they were fifty fifty about the but it was free. Oh, okay. It was a free jet ski.
Speaker 3:That's right. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah. So, like, everyone's like, it's free. And then everyone's like, I don't know.
Speaker 3:You could put it on the the dumb bitch tab.
Speaker 4:Yeah. I will. I'll put it on the tab, and I'll store it at dumb bitch HQ as well. Yeah. And then the horse, everyone was kind of fifty fifty about that as well.
Speaker 4:And there was even a horse guy there who could do the farrowing.
Speaker 3:Oh, really? Yeah. Was he willing to just do it?
Speaker 4:I'm Lucy Foe. He's not gonna say no to me.
Speaker 3:That's true. Are you a fan of Ferrier?
Speaker 4:What? Ferrer Ferrer Ferrer
Speaker 3:Ferrer
Speaker 4:Ferrer Ferrer
Speaker 1:Ferrer
Speaker 4:That's what I said? Ferrer. Yeah. Ferrera. That's what you said.
Speaker 4:Ferrero. Ferrero. And what do you think about my funny teehee sex stop sex shop store?
Speaker 3:That was good. Love it. I enjoyed that. Love it. That was great.
Speaker 4:I wonder if we can start a journey to find the world's biggest dong.
Speaker 3:It has to be something you'd like the Guinness records you reckon. Surely. We'll find one. The x rated Guinness records.
Speaker 4:X rated the Guinness records. Oh. Oh, it's like yep. Trademark trademark Lucy Fo twenty twenty five. The Guinness.
Speaker 4:Guinness record. I like it. Yep. Oh, wow. Excellent.
Speaker 4:Cool.
Speaker 3:But yeah. No. It was good good
Speaker 1:show. Excellent.
Speaker 4:X. Oh, no. Too far. Too far. Yeah.
Speaker 4:It's just the letter, though. Like, the letter is going in the bin.
Speaker 3:But that was a good good live show. Good. Glad you guys did it.
Speaker 4:Yeah. So I I just wanna take a moment to apologize to listeners as I know that people have asked for, better sound quality at the live shows, please. We do our best. It's a bar. Bars are loud.
Speaker 4:Bars are loud. That's how it is. That's reality. But, also, everyone was super, like, bussing. It's not no.
Speaker 4:I hate that. Redact that. Redact it. Everyone was vibing on the night, and it was just everyone didn't wanna sit and listen. Everyone was and wanted to play more cards.
Speaker 3:Next time we'll try a different mic as well. Excellent. The mics we have now did pick up a did pick up a lot of surrounding Yeah.
Speaker 4:So, hopefully, that'll be a bit better. Yeah. So stay tuned for that.
Speaker 3:And, also, apologies for the, delay in last episode. We had a few technical issues, but they should hopefully be worked out for me.
Speaker 4:And it was all Larry's fault.
Speaker 3:It was all my fault.
Speaker 4:Fucking Nari.
Speaker 3:That's what I get for not being there.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That's what that's absolutely what you get for not being there. Mhmm. So got a story for us. Okay.
Speaker 4:So I rewind the clock further than I've ever rewound it. I rewound to when I was five years old. Dan. Okay.
Speaker 3:Do you ever need to get dump history out of five years? I
Speaker 4:mean Listen. I started that conception, bro. I I I look. Look. Look.
Speaker 4:Look. So set the scene. I was in kindergarten.
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:My parents were friends with another person's parents, and they would come over for playdates. So my parents and their parents would go out and have beers in the backyard by the fire.
Speaker 3:Oh, I thought they were just leaving the house and
Speaker 4:used to
Speaker 3:be like this.
Speaker 4:Yeah. And me and the other kid were just left to play. Damn. So as bebeis, we're like, let's play moms and dads. So me and this girl, hung out in my bedroom, and we had these, like, rainbow
Speaker 3:Five years old.
Speaker 4:Paddle pop sticks.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Yep. And we were using those as smokes. We were smoking, and then we were like
Speaker 3:Did your parents smoke? Yeah. Did her parents smoke? Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I I smoke a lot.
Speaker 4:And then so and then we would use the couch and pretend that was the car, and we'll take turns going to work. Oh. Yeah. It was stupid. We used a pillow as a baby.
Speaker 4:Okay. It was a full fantasy. We were being real life moms and dads, but you know what moms and dads do? They kiss. So we went in my cupboard, and we were smooching on the mouth.
Speaker 3:On the full mouth.
Speaker 4:On the full mouth.
Speaker 1:Gross.
Speaker 4:But no tongue, just, like, little pecks. We were babies. So we thought that was, like, it eighth base. Like, she's already shitting out a kid.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That's how babies are born.
Speaker 4:That is how babies are born. I'm holding hands. Luckily enough, I didn't get crudies from this incident.
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 4:But we were using these colored paddle pop sticks as cigarettes.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:They stained our lips. So I had, like, bright green
Speaker 3:How long did you have lips?
Speaker 4:In your mouth? Well, we were sucking on them being smokes playing moms and dads.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4:And she had, like, blue lips from these things. So we're smooching, and then the colors are mixing and whatever. Our parents come inside, bust us so bad. And my parents are like, what are you doing? Don't you ever do that again.
Speaker 4:And guess what? I never kissed another girl.
Speaker 2:That's why
Speaker 3:technically is their fault. That explains so much.
Speaker 4:But they're like, what are you doing? And we're like, we're playing moms and dads. I can't be the only one who ever, like, played moms and dads like that. Right?
Speaker 2:You're not.
Speaker 4:Everyone played moms and dads.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4:But it was so funny. Just the fact that and we couldn't even defend ourselves because the evidence was all over our lips, literally. Mhmm. I just think that's hilarious. I was thinking about it the other day, and I'm like, you know what?
Speaker 4:That's stupid. Why was I kissing girls at five? Oh, in, at five? Yeah. In kindergarten.
Speaker 4:Gee whiz. Get a real job.
Speaker 3:You don't keep in contact with that person?
Speaker 4:No. No. No. That's hilarious.
Speaker 3:That's that's quite funny. The they're the only female you ever kissed. No.
Speaker 4:No. That's a lie. I've kissed females since then, but that was the only time I kissed a girl with the intention of being moms and dads.
Speaker 3:Fair. Too fair. After that, it
Speaker 4:was just like, I like, a truth or dare or spin the bottle or
Speaker 3:Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4:I bet you won't do that, makes out with a girl for fifteen minutes, and then the security guards in the club were like, brah, we know that you're, like, super homosexual, and you've been making out with this chick for, like, the last fifteen minutes. I think you've had too much to drink. You need to leave.
Speaker 3:That's the I've never heard someone get kicked out of a club because they were They were gay. They were gay.
Speaker 4:There's a lot of it that happens there. Oh my god. Imagine the privilege of being a heterosexual.
Speaker 3:When you said it like that, I was like, okay. We're in our mood.
Speaker 4:But how's that part in our reverse? I didn't get kicked out because I was acting gay. I was I got kicked out because I was kissing a girl.
Speaker 3:Right. That's
Speaker 4:is that homophobic or heterophobic?
Speaker 3:That's what I meant when I was Yeah. I don't know what that is. I don't know.
Speaker 4:So all my life, I've been told off for kissing girls. So now I just fuck men.
Speaker 3:Fair enough.
Speaker 4:It's easier that way. It's easier that way.
Speaker 3:I'll take your word for it.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Yeah. So that's my story for the day.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:Moms and dads.
Speaker 3:I like it. That's the
Speaker 4:And rainbow paddle pop sticks.
Speaker 3:I I think that's the that's the earliest story we've got.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That's that's if we're setting up a list of a timeline,
Speaker 3:that's should. That should be an Excel spreadsheet.
Speaker 4:An Excel spreadsheet of the timeline of Lucifer's dumbness. Maybe it was the chemicals from the paddle pop sticks that rotted my brain.
Speaker 3:How many paddle pop sticks did you smoke?
Speaker 4:A lot. My parents smoked a lot. I was trying to be method acting.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Okay. So was it the only time like, was that the old time you played moms and dads? Was that the only time you got caught?
Speaker 4:I think there was one time before that, but that was the first, the first time we didn't have cigarettes.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 4:And then we got them from school, and we're like, this can be for moms and dads. We can have cigarettes.
Speaker 3:Fair enough. Yeah. But it was like like, that's so weird.
Speaker 4:So you're you're kissing this this five year old girl. I was five two years old.
Speaker 3:I know. I know. I didn't wanna make it sound. But, 10. And then you got busted and got told off.
Speaker 1:Mhmm.
Speaker 4:Instead of being sat down and
Speaker 3:being like this, why we don't do this because you're five years old. You don't know what the fuck you're doing.
Speaker 4:I think parents who are like, no. You can't do that. It's like mhmm. And that makes you
Speaker 3:wanna do it even more.
Speaker 4:Exactly. Exactly. It's a discussion, and you move away from it. Instead of saying no. No.
Speaker 4:No. Don't eat the cookies in the cookie jar.
Speaker 3:I think we've learned that in time. I think a lot of pairs, especially back in, like, the early nineties, were very much like, don't do that. We don't don't do
Speaker 4:that. Yeah.
Speaker 3:They they didn't know how to not that they didn't know, but it wasn't their first reaction to, to sit down and have a proper conversation Yeah. And explain things.
Speaker 4:And now there's so much more information out there for parents and stuff with all of that kind of thing. Yeah. If someone wants to put the energy into making a time sheet when you listen and be like, this is the timeline of Lucifer's done this, it'd be great. That would be fun.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. That'd be a fun
Speaker 4:little activity. Somewhat bored. But yeah. So that's the story. Now, to keep it regiment going.
Speaker 4:Nari, last gut, farm, fun, facts.
Speaker 3:I got a couple food facts.
Speaker 4:Food facts? I do love food.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Me too. Bit too much, maybe. So pistachios.
Speaker 4:I pistachio a question.
Speaker 3:They're actually duping us.
Speaker 4:What? What do you mean duping us?
Speaker 3:Mocking us. Laughing in our face if
Speaker 4:they Pistachios? Yeah. Fucking shady little motherfuckers.
Speaker 3:That's why they're in the show all the time.
Speaker 4:They're just very shy.
Speaker 3:They're very shy.
Speaker 4:Judgey, but shy.
Speaker 3:So they're not actually nuts at all. They're berries. Oh, you okay. Are they? Oh, were you joking?
Speaker 3:Yes. Oh, kind of. They're actually called a droop or droopy or it's d r u p e. And they are in the same family food that includes cherries, peaches, and olives. That's Wow.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I thought
Speaker 4:they were snakes. Snakes. Some nuts
Speaker 3:are actually legumes and stuff. I didn't know what a droop was, but, yeah, they're in the same in the same family as, like, cherries, peaches, and olives. It's that's crazy.
Speaker 4:I I would have assumed that they probably fell into like, if they were being deceptive like that, like, legumes kind of in encapsulate as a lot of those stray kinds
Speaker 3:of I hate that legumes. Yeah. Legumes.
Speaker 4:Legumes. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So, technically, it's this it's it's a fruit, not as far as I can as far as I can tell.
Speaker 4:Sneaky little bastards.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Imagine getting your fruit intake by eating pistachio.
Speaker 4:I've never had a pass oh, no. I lie. I had, like, a pistachio cake or something the other week.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It's it's weird that they're making it into these things. Like, pistachio ice cream Yeah. Pistachio cake, obviously. And and they're making too much stuff into too many things.
Speaker 3:Distrust. Now, have you ever I mean, I probably shouldn't be saying this on a public forum, but have you ever, like, walked through a supermarket and just grabbed a few and popped them while you were eating?
Speaker 4:I just said I haven't had pistachios.
Speaker 3:You just did say well, I mean, may may need it. That's fair. It is just
Speaker 4:Like, I've done that with grapes. You just, like, take, like, five or six and just because you can't taste them if they're too bitter first. I'm not gonna buy
Speaker 3:a fucking bag of
Speaker 4:salad grapes. Seedless.
Speaker 3:That's the word.
Speaker 4:Do that. A fucking lie to me.
Speaker 3:That sucks. Like, hey. Getting a bag of, oh, seedless green grapes in the
Speaker 4:Seedless watermelon. You know what?
Speaker 3:I had seedless seedless watermelon before.
Speaker 4:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:That's a thing. Mhmm.
Speaker 4:Because I make watermelon milkshakes. Nice. Real fucking good, especially in this heat. But, like, I'll tell you what fucks that up. Seeds.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I imagine it would.
Speaker 4:Why am I paying extra for a seedless fucking watermelon when the seeds anyway? Get
Speaker 3:the fuck fucked. I, I another fact I read just as I was going to, I wasn't gonna put in, but because you mentioned that there's more water in cucumber than there is in watermelon.
Speaker 4:Oh, interesting.
Speaker 3:Which is because water's in the name.
Speaker 4:Did you know if you put sugar on the end of your cucumber when you're eating it, it tastes like watermelon?
Speaker 3:Really? Let me try that. I like it. I get those little cucumbers from Oh,
Speaker 4:the little baby ones? Yeah.
Speaker 3:Love it.
Speaker 4:I think they're eating baby food.
Speaker 3:Cool. Because they got a weird name. Nice. But I like them. I I take them.
Speaker 3:I'm like, I take I take the the what's it called when they're in the tub? What's the tub called? A book? A tub? A punnet?
Speaker 3:Yeah. Punnet. Punnet. I take a punnet of, like, those little ones to work, and, like, I just have two or three. The others will be in my bag.
Speaker 3:They're gone by 12:00. Like, that's not I
Speaker 4:fucking love a good punnet of blueberries. Mhmm. They're nice. They're nice.
Speaker 3:That's our dogs like it too. We we give them because blueberries are okay for dogs. They're good for them, actually.
Speaker 4:What?
Speaker 3:So we whenever we're in the kitchen, and we got some. But, anyway, I'll give you my second fact.
Speaker 4:Alright. Let's go. Number two. So Oreos
Speaker 3:are vegan. They have no milk or egg products. And to keep it vegan, you know, you dip them in milk. You can dip it in oats, soy, and almond milk.
Speaker 4:Isn't that great?
Speaker 3:I like Oreo.
Speaker 4:Oreos are nice. Not my, like, go to bigot and biscuit, but, like,
Speaker 3:not as wine,
Speaker 4:but
Speaker 3:not as much anymore.
Speaker 4:I like dipping them in milk. Yeah. Normal milk.
Speaker 3:No milk.
Speaker 4:To I like to eat enough fiber.
Speaker 3:Free milk, isn't it?
Speaker 4:Too un vegan a fiber. You lack tote lactose intolerant. That's because you got wooden stumps, so they just lactose.
Speaker 3:Alright. Balance with wooden stumps.
Speaker 4:I don't know. How's the pirate guy in American Dad or what's is that family guy with the stumps?
Speaker 1:Peg legs and Peg arms.
Speaker 3:Yeah. That's what I was envisioning.
Speaker 4:So how's he walk?
Speaker 3:His animation.
Speaker 4:Wow. Well, fucking get animated, prick.
Speaker 3:I'll hold that on a shirt. Get animated.
Speaker 4:Get animated. Alright. Fact number three?
Speaker 3:Yeah. I believe. Yeah. You have
Speaker 4:some I was testing you. I was testing you. I was
Speaker 3:on I
Speaker 4:got the facts fact number three. So I have a question for you. Mhmm. Do you know The
Speaker 3:muffin meat.
Speaker 4:The muffin? Okay. Before I tell my facts, on that subject The muffin man. The muffin man.
Speaker 3:Gotta watch that again.
Speaker 4:So the gingerbread man. Right? Run, run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man.
Speaker 4:Flip it. If the gingerbread man wanted to come for you, that means you can't outrun him. True. He'll catch If he wants to cap your knees, you can't outrun him. We need to change the place.
Speaker 4:We better hope that gingerbread men don't realize that they don't need to run away.
Speaker 3:They can chase
Speaker 4:you. They can chase us.
Speaker 3:It's terrifying.
Speaker 4:And is a gingerbread man made of house, or is he or is the house made of his flesh? Like, it's gingerbread house.
Speaker 3:Mhmm. I think I think it's made
Speaker 4:of his flesh. Isn't it? Like, last house? Imagine if our houses were built of our flesh. I mean, after living in a house for a few years, the amount of dead skin we drop, we it might as well be made of our flesh.
Speaker 4:Just a little fucked up, gross little tidbit there. But to my fact
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:What is in vanilla essence? Do you know?
Speaker 3:White people.
Speaker 4:No. I don't know. So vanilla essence contains cast castoreum. Sure. A secretion from the anal glands of beavers
Speaker 3:Oh, Jesus.
Speaker 4:That has a smell similar to vanilla is often rumored to be a key ingredient in vanilla essence.
Speaker 3:Oh, damn. Okay. So not extract. You know? Put No.
Speaker 4:Not extract. That's a plant. Smell. Yep. But essence.
Speaker 4:Vanilla essence.
Speaker 3:Put
Speaker 4:in foil stuff. Mhmm.
Speaker 1:Vanilla essence is the one you cook with.
Speaker 4:Yeah. The in the baking.
Speaker 3:That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 4:Yeah. No. Extract is part of the plan, but essence, like orange essence, peppermint essence Yeah. Vanilla essence is from beaver anal glands.
Speaker 3:Yummy. That's right. You're welcome. That's why cakes taste so good. So what's imitation vanilla essence?
Speaker 3:I guess it's sand. Beaver anus.
Speaker 4:It's a sense.
Speaker 3:But oh, that's the one with
Speaker 4:Yeah. Imitation. Because extract
Speaker 1:because it's the imitation.
Speaker 4:Is the imitation of extract.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay. I thought it was the other way around.
Speaker 4:Fair enough. Okay. Extract is the OG. Essence is The face. Fever anal glands.
Speaker 3:The one you get from Woolies in that yellow one.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That that anal gland juice. Yummy. That's
Speaker 3:why this is so delicious.
Speaker 4:That's delicious.
Speaker 1:So I'm gonna go check mom's baking supplies.
Speaker 4:And put them in the beer.
Speaker 3:Everything is beef ass. Beef ass.
Speaker 4:Just beef ass. Beef ass. Beef ass. Duck ass. What's the
Speaker 3:That's wild.
Speaker 4:Well, there you go. There's our combined fun facts for the day.
Speaker 3:That's fine. Beaver ass.
Speaker 4:Beaver ass. Be advised. She's doing for lunch
Speaker 3:today. You don't wanna know.
Speaker 4:I I be advised. Why even wait for it to be bottled just straight from the sauce? Be That's nasty, though. You can't just who okay. People have this debate.
Speaker 4:While we're talking about food, let's just get it all out. People talk about that with milk. Right? Who the fuck is like, I'm gonna suck on those titties? And it's like, this is pretty good.
Speaker 4:And now we drink more cow milk than human milk, which has always sat weird with me. But, also, I wouldn't drink titty milk if you offered that to me.
Speaker 3:Because we're we're not meant to, like
Speaker 4:We're not meant to drink milk after a certain age anyway.
Speaker 3:Wait. You wouldn't drink, like, what'd you say? Titty milk?
Speaker 4:Titty milk? No, man.
Speaker 3:If they, like, bottled it properly and stuff.
Speaker 4:I got so ripped up by my parents for kissing a girl. Could you imagine what would happen if I'm, like, yeah. I drink titty milk. I would be not on this planet.
Speaker 3:But if that's what's supplied, like, you know, I'll just
Speaker 4:I'll just let my bones go frail, I guess. Fair enough. I'd rather die.
Speaker 3:So that's the thing, like, you don't have milk, and then we find out when I'm actually supposed to have, especially cow milk. Yeah. Weird.
Speaker 4:Because we're not meant to have bones, but meant to be just, like, blobs of flesh and organs, like meat bags, like slugs. That's gross.
Speaker 3:Just walk on the floor
Speaker 4:like that. Just slap like a slug and go. Yeah. Fair enough. Yep.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Love that for us.
Speaker 3:I should've liked the papers.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That's what I was getting to. So that happened with cows, but, like, did someone be like, what's that? Sweet, sweet smell. And be like, that's that beaver's ass.
Speaker 4:And they're just like, no, mate. Well, how does that Squeeze it out. How does that happen? Well, I know when, like, this
Speaker 3:is gonna be a bit gross, but when, like, dogs have dogs
Speaker 4:Yeah. What if dogs anal glands were like vanilla?
Speaker 3:It's like fish like fish.
Speaker 4:Yeah. But fish extract? Fish essence? Chorizo.
Speaker 3:Chorizo mess. Oh.
Speaker 4:Oh god. That's the only reason I
Speaker 3:know that because Chorizo gets it a bit because he's a nervous neurotic boy, and he's gotta get it expressed every now and then. We'll take it to the vet. I'm not doing it. It must be in a veterinary one day that I had to, like, do it to a a beaver. I just
Speaker 4:met Jack. I've been here. Beavers are white.
Speaker 1:A fortune.
Speaker 4:I'm gonna be rich. No one will ever know.
Speaker 3:Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross.
Speaker 4:Alright. So let's move on to our dumb bitch of the week. We have a send in. Nice. Alright.
Speaker 4:It's a audio message.
Speaker 3:I don't get a kickback on this one. I'm doing No.
Speaker 4:This is this is not an attack on anybody.
Speaker 3:It came my mouth shut up.
Speaker 4:Except the person involved.
Speaker 3:Oh, the slandering themselves?
Speaker 4:They're slandering the soon to be slash husband.
Speaker 3:Oh, wait. No. I'm already married. I was like,
Speaker 4:enjoy listening.
Speaker 3:So you're no slandering. I mean, we talked about it off off air, but I just I mentioned it real quick.
Speaker 4:Slandering.
Speaker 3:I went to a, to a wrestling show yesterday. Yeah. And the last guy that came out was dressed up as chump, the trite chump. Chump. As as Trump.
Speaker 3:Holy shit. The fucking crowd went off.
Speaker 4:Like, that was Trump needs to do a world tour and come to Australia. He never would, but
Speaker 3:No. There's too many ethnic groups in this.
Speaker 4:That little freak only eats Macca's because he doesn't even trust his staff not to poison him. I mean Fair. Yeah. But, like
Speaker 3:Macca's, though. Bro. I haven't not given him a heart attack yet. I have someone in Macca's not just a big thing. Fingers crossed.
Speaker 3:He probably gets them from right wing sets. No. Yeah. And that was from stuff in the crowd. Anyone that knows wrestling, it was akin to, like, when Hulk Hogan turned heel in WCW.
Speaker 3:Someone might get that.
Speaker 4:Is that a thing?
Speaker 3:Yeah. It is.
Speaker 1:Well, like, when Dirty Dong comes out, fuck that guy.
Speaker 4:Fuck that guy.
Speaker 3:Yeah. It was wild. Anyway, because it's slander. They just fucking they would've torn him apart if he was the real Trump, I reckon.
Speaker 1:I didn't have a voice this morning.
Speaker 4:Because you're screaming so much? Yes. Fuck you.
Speaker 1:I was getting my rage out.
Speaker 4:Fair. Fair. Normal people just go to therapy or, like, a rage room, but, like, pop up stairs.
Speaker 1:Scream at dress wrestlers dressed like Trump.
Speaker 4:Love it. Love it.
Speaker 1:One quick caveat on the whole Trump spot at the wrestling. The reason it was so funny, the reason it was happening was because we were at a luchador wrestling. So it was a No. Lucha fan lucha fantastica? Yeah.
Speaker 1:Lucha fantastica. So it was Mexican themed. So, obviously, him coming out is the big bad.
Speaker 2:Hilarious. Slay.
Speaker 4:They were off. And he was
Speaker 3:talking about building walls and shit. It was quite good.
Speaker 4:Fair.
Speaker 1:And he ejected the, the lady out of it.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah. There's a lot of
Speaker 4:She was Mexican. Yeah. So the people
Speaker 3:that run it are, like, legit Mexican. And the lady, like, who's a ring announcer and shit, he, like, put her in handcuffs and dragged her backstage pretty much. She wears. It was nuts.
Speaker 1:But she got to kick him in the dick in the end. Yeah.
Speaker 3:She kicked him right in the dick. No. We we found out because I have a friend like, my best friend's a wrestler, and he's who does it. And he told me, that she's never done it's what's called, like, a work. So it's a work kick, and she's never done it.
Speaker 3:So everyone was worried that she kicked him legitimate. Anyway, we'll get back to this thing. Alright.
Speaker 4:So have a listen. This is a bit of a long one, but have a listen. Enjoy, And we'll give our feedback after.
Speaker 2:Hi, guys. I just wanted to send you a dumb bit story of mine. Hopefully, it's not too long. I'll try to shorten as shorten it as much as I can. So this occurred back in November when my now husband and I were getting married.
Speaker 2:So we we're getting married up in the Hunter Valley, which is about five four hours from now where we live. So it was the wedding it was the day before the wedding, and we were setting up our room for the reception, which was just we just had a little guest a 20 guest wedding. It was just a few people, and we had made these wedding favors, which were mugs with little cactuses in them. So we'd got a personalized mug for everyone. We went to op shops and found, like, an individual mug for each person, and, yeah, we got a little cactus for each one, planted them, and we'd put them on the table.
Speaker 2:Anyway, we got to the reception, and we realized we'd forgotten, like, six of them. And we're like, shit. We've left them back at home. You know what? It's all good.
Speaker 2:We'll go to the op shop we'll run to the op shop in town in Hunter Valley and get some more. So we got six new mugs. We went to Bunnings, got six new cactuses, replanted them all, crisis averted. And then as we were setting up the room so we went back, set up the room, and we realized we forgot our guest book, which was like a $90, like, personalized guest book for our guests to write in and stick their photos down in and stuff like that. And we were kinda like, for fuck's sake.
Speaker 2:But you know what? It's not a big deal. It's just a couple more things we were we forgot. So we went to town again, and we got a little, like, shitty journal, like a little notebook, and we just said, look. People can write their messages, and we'll, like, cut and paste it into the book like a scrapbook sort of thing.
Speaker 2:Crisis averted. You know, what else could go wrong? Anyway, we went on with our day. We had dinner with the family, and then the next day was wedding day. And we wake up.
Speaker 2:It is 38 degrees. Like, it's fucking hot. It's in the Hunter Valley inland, so it's, like, just muggy and gross, and we were like, oh, you know what? It's fine. You know, it is what it is.
Speaker 2:So the day goes on, and it's really, really, really hot. And what comes with a hot day is storms. So it's about 1PM. The ceremony's at 4PM. It's at 1PM and, like, thunder starts rolling in, and I'm like, fuck.
Speaker 2:I'm getting ready, like, makeup and hair done, and we're having a charcuterie board and all this. And I'm like, oh my god. Like, here we go. And the thunder starts rumbling, and it just starts absolutely pissing down. And everyone's kinda looking at me like, it's okay.
Speaker 2:Like, it's good luck. I'm like, yep. I know. Like, I just have to keep it together. Like, I can't change it now.
Speaker 2:Whatever. Anyway, the the afternoon goes on, the storm's stopping and starting and stopping and starting, and it's just so unpredictable. And the venue people are like, it's okay. We're watching the radar. Like, it should be fine by 4PM.
Speaker 2:Anyway, that's that was it. And then and then it was about 03:40PM, so twenty minutes before the ceremony, before we're all meant to walk down and whole thing was meant to happen. So Tom's mum, so my husband's mum, walks downstairs. It's like a two story house. I'm getting ready downstairs.
Speaker 2:He's upstairs. She comes down. She just looks at me with this blank face, just no emotions, and I'm like, what? Like, what's happened? Like, something's wrong.
Speaker 2:And she just looks at me and she goes, he's he's forgotten his pants. And, I just froze, and I was like, excuse me? I was like, what do you mean? And she's like, Tom's left his Tom, the groom, the one I'm marrying, has left his pants at home four hours away, twenty minutes before the fucking wedding, and I just I just look at her and I go, are you fucking kidding me? And she's like she just shook her head and she's like, yep.
Speaker 2:He's just he's he hasn't got any pants, and I'm like, oh my god. And And I'm just freaking out. I'm just frozen at this point. She went back upstairs to console him because apparently he was rocking back and forth in the cupboard, crying, his eyes out because he was just like, oh my god. Like, I'm a fucking idiot.
Speaker 2:And I'm like he's like, he was a dumb bitch. That's that's what I'm trying to say. He was the biggest dumb bitch ever. And so I'm like, oh my god. Like, the only long pants he brought were a pair of, like, ripped chinos, and then, he had, like, boxer shorts with him and stuff, and I'm like, I'm just picturing him at the aisle in his shorts, and I'm like, fuck.
Speaker 2:Every photo is gonna have to be, like, above waist. Like, the videography is gonna be shit. Like, it's just first, we had problems, but I was just like, oh my god. Like, one thing after another. But then silver lining.
Speaker 2:Tom's mom comes back downstairs, and she goes, look. It's alright. It's about quarter two or probably ten to four at this point. She goes, it's alright. He's gonna borrow his dad's suit, so and he fits in it great, so, you know, crisis averted.
Speaker 2:But Tom's dad had to go back into Hunter Valley. This was about thirty minutes out of Hunter Valley, like, the town. So he's like she's like, he had to go back in to get his to get another pair of pants, like, from the hotel. So it's 03:40 on a Thursday, so it's peak hour school traffic. So he's stuck in Hunter Valley.
Speaker 2:It's it's four at this point. Like, it's I'm in my wedding dress. I'm ready to go. I'm just standing in this room, just staring out the window as it pours down with rain, and I'm just like, what the fuck is happening? Like, should we just call it off at this point?
Speaker 2:Like, I I don't even know what to do. Anyway, because of the storms, this was out kind of like like bushland sort of thing, so there's trees knocked over, there's roads being, like, diverted or whatever, and I'm just staring at the window just waiting for his dad to come back, and I'm like, for fuck's sake. Anyway, he was gone for probably about forty minutes, so at this point, it's, like, half past four. The ceremony was thirty minutes ago. The photographer is late because he got stuck behind all the broken, like, trees that had been knocked over so that we didn't even have a photographer.
Speaker 2:The videographer was there, but she was like, I don't know what to video. Like, I've I've already taken videos of everyone. There's nothing much else to do. And,
Speaker 4:oh, it
Speaker 2:was just crazy. And then I'm staring at the window, and I'm watching all our guests, like, go down to the little venue, and they're just standing around. And is it they just have nothing to talk about because they've been there for so long, and I'm like, oh my god. Anyway, let's get to the good part. So Tom's dad come comes back.
Speaker 2:He's got his suit. He's got his new pants. He's all good. Tom's all dressed up. He's at the venue, like, at the it was like a kind of forgola thing.
Speaker 2:And, yeah, it all, you know, it all worked out because by then, it was about it was about 05:00 at this point, so we're an hour behind. Dad gets back. The photographer's finally here, which is great. And the silver lining of it all is that in this delayed hour, the storm had completely passed. It had cooled down to, like, 24 degrees, and, like, a nice breeze was coming through, and it was absolutely perfect.
Speaker 2:Like, all the stress and all the dumb bitchery that occurred was meant to happen because in the end, the storm passed and Tom had pants, and it was beautiful. And then as the ceremony finished up, every all the guests went to the venue or to to the reception, and me and Tom got our photos done for about an hour. And it was just like a light sprinkle of rain, and it was just perfect. It was just absolutely beautiful. So that's my story about how dumb bitchery can be a good thing.
Speaker 2:I just wanna tell you that story about how my now husband is a dumb bitch, and I'm a bit of a dumb bitch too because we forgot the favours, but at least I didn't forget my goddamn pants. Thank you. Also, one more thing I wanna add. If Tom had checked his suit, yes, he should have checked it at home, but if he'd checked it the morning of the wedding, he had about seven hours that he could have gone into town and got a new suit. He could have gone to Connor.
Speaker 2:There is, like, six suit shops around, and I'm just like, why did you notice when he was before the wedding? It's just crazy. But you know what? He'll never forget his pants again.
Speaker 4:Well, well, well, if that doesn't make you not wanna get married, I don't know what the fuck does. Could you imagine, like, it wasn't one, it wasn't two, it wasn't three. There was a magnitude of things.
Speaker 3:Like, the weather you can't control. I understand that. And but the pants
Speaker 4:come on, dude. The pants. Tom Tom and Lynn Bentley, you dumb bitch. And the by the third thing, I would've tapped out. I'd be like, fuck this.
Speaker 4:The wedding is not happening. I'm done. Everyone go home.
Speaker 3:It would've been that moment she was looking out the window when the rain fall. You just sort of kicked the window open and jumped out.
Speaker 4:And just jumped out and be like, the bride's run into the woods. There's scraps of her wedding dress every now and then. Gone. Just rip out. Everywhere.
Speaker 4:But, like
Speaker 3:The so I did write
Speaker 4:a couple of notes as well as Alright. What you got for us?
Speaker 3:So the mug ID? The mugs? Yep. Yeah. Super cute.
Speaker 4:Oh, fair. I went to a wedding a few months ago, and, building up to that wedding, I all I wanted to eat was panna cotta. And at the wedding, there was panna cotta for dessert. I had one
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:And then I waited, and then there was, like, 15 of them that no one was getting. Yeah. And I got myself a second one. And I'm like, I could definitely have a third. And then I lean to the person sitting next to me.
Speaker 4:I'm like, how many of those things do you think I could shelf and hide and take home with me? At this point, I could just get a container and just plop all the panna cottas in, and it will just mold together. Right? And just fucking devour it. It's all I ever wanted.
Speaker 4:Did you take any home? No. No. That's true. But I did have another tube before I left.
Speaker 4:I probably would want you
Speaker 3:to take some home, to be fair. Like, good. We Good. They had a ton of dessert in our lawn, and not many people ate it.
Speaker 1:We had so many leftovers for food, actually, that we it was great because we had it they put it all in a little tack takeaway containers, and we had a couple of days, to ourselves in different,
Speaker 4:like food.
Speaker 1:Accommodations in the Highlands. Nice. So we just ate that for most of the time. Oh, you were.
Speaker 3:There. Shit. A ton of money. Shit.
Speaker 1:Oh my god. The food was just
Speaker 3:because when we did it, they didn't have you know, like, most wedding venues.
Speaker 4:I don't think they do
Speaker 3:it as much anymore, especially not in, like, nontraditional venues, but how they have the alternate drop. Yeah. We had, like, a bunch of stuff in the middle. That's what we like. Go
Speaker 1:for milk. We specifically wanted it like a big family dinner where you could just reach in and pull out
Speaker 3:because sometimes you don't want it. Drops, and it's like Yeah. Someone gets a chicken, someone gets beef, or whatever. I hate it. And sometimes it's like, I don't want that.
Speaker 3:Can I have yours?
Speaker 4:Like, yours And you swap with your neighbor.
Speaker 3:But it's sometimes it's dry and Yeah. That's fine with they were but it was it was so good.
Speaker 4:Anyway, what else did you write down?
Speaker 3:With a notebook? Great idea. It sucks that they left it.
Speaker 4:Yeah. But and now it can be, like, that cute scrapbooky vibe.
Speaker 3:That's what yeah. Like, when she when when she mentioned that we're gonna turn into a scrap wall, like, that's good. Because I had a thought, what you could've done instead is and it's a big fuck around. But we had a this was years ago. It was when Instagram was still kind of fresh.
Speaker 3:Uh-huh. People would, like they had, like, a specific hashtag for their wedding, and people would take photos and write notes in those True. Hashtag to that hashtag. Love that. So they could have done that, but it's good that they got, like, a normal, like, he's a book writing it.
Speaker 4:Yeah. Nice. Nice.
Speaker 3:What else did I have?
Speaker 4:I'm glad they made it work.
Speaker 3:I like that the bride was, like, it is what it is. It is what it is. She was kinda rolling with it, which I I thought was really cool for me.
Speaker 4:I reckon I reckon there were some tears shed that would had to
Speaker 3:have been. For sure. Well, I
Speaker 1:mean, the husband was crying in a fucking cupboard. So Where he belongs Same sis.
Speaker 4:For being such a dumb bitch. I just I was, like
Speaker 2:You were
Speaker 1:a fucking dumb bitch.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So because it showed that they were kinda, like, they weren't a Bridezilla, which
Speaker 4:I think Yeah. What if he was in the cupboard smooching another girl and playing moms and dads?
Speaker 1:I don't think so. Because the mother said he was too
Speaker 4:busy crying.
Speaker 3:He walked out with purple purple and blue lips.
Speaker 4:Purple and blue lips. I also wrote fucking hell, Tom.
Speaker 2:Fucking hell, Tom.
Speaker 4:Tom and Lynn Bentley, you dumb bitch.
Speaker 3:Then I also wrote, he should've just done it in his undies, and then they could've just photoshopped PNG.
Speaker 4:Literally, every photo just has, like, a PNG of of just random different pants in different poses. Stop PNG. Tom's pants PNG.
Speaker 3:And then I also wrote fuck. What was it? Also at the end, right, so happy it turned out so well for the
Speaker 4:Yeah. That that's good. I'm glad that all the silver lining came to the top Yeah. That the delays meant the storm had a chance to subside. Just that light misty rain.
Speaker 3:Those photos in the light light misty rain would look so
Speaker 4:She she sent some pictures as well, and they both looked amazing. It was good to see that he had pants on. It's great. I love a bride who wears ducks. I think it's fucking cool.
Speaker 3:That's awesome.
Speaker 4:Doc Martens with your fucking wedding dress.
Speaker 3:Yeah. We when we had our wedding, it was in, the Highlands, and it was just after a storm as well. I think those photos just look so nice.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It was so green. That's all we wanted was to be surrounded by green. Luckily, everything was pretty dry by the time it happened. And we were a bit worried it was gonna rain, and we weren't gonna be able to have the the wedding on the platform where we wanted it, but it turned out really well. I will say, because you mentioned a bride with docs, much better than a bride with crocs.
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna tell you who it was. You know who you are if you're listening.
Speaker 4:A bride and crocs? Gold crocs. I'd brick you. So it was on purpose.
Speaker 1:You couldn't see them because her dress was, like, full.
Speaker 4:But that was thought because they were gold.
Speaker 1:Knew they were there.
Speaker 4:There was a in case in case they get seen, they're sparkly. What? Get bricked.
Speaker 3:Was that what they was was that what they were, like, supposed to wear? Did they, like, Tom forget something?
Speaker 1:No. No. They picked them. Wow. Because they wore them all the time.
Speaker 3:At least Tom didn't have Crocs. I forgot his pants.
Speaker 1:Couldn't have Crocs. Allowed to wear heels. I was on the bridal party. I wasn't allowed to wear heels.
Speaker 4:You had to wear Crocs too.
Speaker 1:Couldn't be no. Oh.
Speaker 3:I
Speaker 1:couldn't be taller than the bride, but, also, her best friends, the other two bridesmaids, were taller than the bride.
Speaker 4:Fair. Well,
Speaker 3:you can't, like, cut off their legs. So
Speaker 1:No. You can't make them shorter,
Speaker 2:I suppose.
Speaker 4:Not everyone has wooden legs legs like Neri.
Speaker 1:Wedding. Sometimes you just gotta do stupid shit at your wedding. I had to ditch my underwear.
Speaker 4:Fair. These were times easy to pee.
Speaker 3:You could just stand
Speaker 4:the legs.
Speaker 1:They were constantly falling down, and I couldn't walk.
Speaker 4:I just envision you walking down the aisle and just a pair of underwear. Just
Speaker 1:Oh, no. No. I managed through that. It was around it was around around the time of going to get the photos done where we had a lot of walking to do. They just kept, and I had to keep trying to adjust.
Speaker 1:And my sister was just like, no. No. It's okay.
Speaker 3:Just get get get get
Speaker 1:them off. K. Well, I'll run them back. Yeah.
Speaker 3:What did they say it was? Not bigger. Was it bigger?
Speaker 4:The Hunter Valley. The Hunter Valley.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And it's nice there.
Speaker 4:Yeah. It's beautiful up there.
Speaker 3:Like and we're talking about the photography, like, the green and the black mist they have. I don't know how people do it when they get married in, like, the city. Just concrete and
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Some people are into that look, though.
Speaker 3:I'm not. I don't get it.
Speaker 1:I'm definitely not. But I'm the girl that wants to be surrounded by green. So
Speaker 4:Nice. Like, I just yeah.
Speaker 3:Like, I just it seems so bland. I'm sure there's lot, like, nice parks and stuff that people take. Like, I've been to weddings in the city, but I don't remember them. Actually, I do remember one because I got injured pretty bad, but that's a different story for a different time. But, yeah, just, like because I it's just, like, concrete everywhere.
Speaker 3:Like, even in parks, you go far enough, and there's
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Cars and stuff. Anyway Damn. That's my
Speaker 4:Well, thank you so much for your ride in. Yeah. I love that. Keep them coming.
Speaker 3:I just I'm like I said at the end, I'm very glad everything turned out well, and they they had their wedding they really wanted. Yeah.
Speaker 4:And now you're locked in contract with that dumb bitch.
Speaker 3:You know what they should've done? Tom should've Tom's dad should've worn his torn up chinos and come, like, with, like, a chain on his waist and, like, torn up pants and stuff.
Speaker 4:With a fake fringe and flick it over the door with his arms crossed and be like
Speaker 1:That's a door.
Speaker 4:You don't understand. That's not a face.
Speaker 3:Alright.
Speaker 1:That would only be funny if Tom was an emo as a kid. Maybe. Just as, like, a little cold.
Speaker 4:Is Tom an emo as a kid?
Speaker 3:What if
Speaker 2:his dad Please tell us.
Speaker 3:What if his dad's into it? Don't judge them ahead for me.
Speaker 4:Yeah. What if the dad wasn't emo as a kid? Emos are grown ups now. Welcome to 2025, bruh.
Speaker 1:I know emos are grown ups. I'm a grown up emo.
Speaker 3:I know. We all are. Alright. Walks in and out. Well I wish someone would close the goddamn door.
Speaker 3:That's what he says.
Speaker 1:No. Don't reference that song. The Coos Bride is a horse.
Speaker 4:A whole horse? Thank you so much for listening. Neri is officially back. Yeah. So Until I get my Cue the cue the complaints again.
Speaker 4:Bye.