Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

Why beliefs can either cap our potential or push us toward possibility.

What you believe about yourself could be holding you back. Fortunately, Nir Eyal says beliefs aren’t truths — and you can choose new ones.
Eyal is a former lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business and the Stanford d.school, a celebrated author, and a renowned expert on human behavior and potential. His latest book, Beyond Belief, reveals how limiting beliefs — like “I’m a bad communicator” — quietly shape what we see, feel, and do. “A belief doesn't have to be true” to limit our potential, he says. But the same holds in reverse: a belief doesn't have to be true to expand who and what we can become. “Beliefs are tools, not truths. It just has to be useful.”
In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Eyal and host Matt Abrahams explore how to identify the beliefs that hold us back — and how to replace them with ones that propel us forward. From keeping a belief journal to practicing perspective-shifting “turnarounds,” Eyal offers practical tips for rewriting the stories we tell ourselves and becoming the people we want to be.

To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium.

Episode Reference Links:
Connect:

Chapters:

  • (00:00) - Introduction
  • (01:00) - The Power of Attention
  • (02:45) - The Hook Model & Surprise
  • (05:10) - Structure vs. Novelty
  • (07:05) - Identity & Limiting Beliefs
  • (10:07) - Beliefs Vs. Facts
  • (13:32) - The Four-Question Test
  • (18:09) - The Final Three Questions
  • (21:20) - Conclusion

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Creators and Guests

Host
Matt Abrahams
Lecturer Stanford University Graduate School of Business | Think Fast Talk Smart podcast host
Guest
Nir Eyal
Lecturer | Author | Consultant | Investor

What is Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques?

One of the most essential ingredients to success in business and life is effective communication.

Join Matt Abrahams, best-selling author and Strategic Communication lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business, as he interviews experts to provide actionable insights that help you communicate with clarity, confidence, and impact. From handling impromptu questions to crafting compelling messages, Matt explores practical strategies for real-world communication challenges.

Whether you’re navigating a high-stakes presentation, perfecting your email tone, or speaking off the cuff, Think Fast, Talk Smart equips you with the tools, techniques, and best practices to express yourself effectively in any situation. Enhance your communication skills to elevate your career and build stronger professional relationships.

Tune in every Tuesday for new episodes. Subscribe now to unlock your potential as a thoughtful, impactful communicator. Learn more and sign up for our eNewsletter at fastersmarter.io.

Matt Abrahams: Beliefs are
not truths, they're tools.

And if we can harness our beliefs, we can
impact our motivation and communication.

My name's Matt Abrahams and I
teach Strategic Communication at

Stanford Graduate School of Business.

Welcome to Think Fast
Talk Smart, the podcast.

Today I'm super excited
to speak with Nir Eyal.

Nir is a former lecturer at both
Stanford GSB and the d.school.

His work is at the intersection of
psychology, technology, and business.

His books Hooked and Indestructible
have helped people all around the globe

to be better focused and to understand
how technology can distract us.

His latest book written with Julie
Li is Beyond Belief: The Science

Backed Way to Stop Limiting Yourself
and Achieve Breakthrough Results.

Welcome, Nir.

We have so many friends
and colleagues in common.

It is great to finally meet you in person.

Thanks for being here.

Nir Eyal: Absolutely, Matt.

Great to be here.

Matt Abrahams: Alright,
shall we get started?

Nir Eyal: Let's do it.

Matt Abrahams: Excellent.

Much of your work centers on attention.

I'd like to start by asking you to
share why what we attend to matters so

much and how can we learn to control
our attention, not only so others don't

manipulate us, but so we can have a
more positive impact on our own lives?

Nir Eyal: So I think attention is
really the superpower that we're

going to have to learn to master.

It is what I call the
skill of the century.

The science behind
attention blows my mind.

I think that there's a common
perception, or at least the brain

tricks us into thinking that
we perceive reality accurately.

And that is not true.

That in fact, we know that the
brain absorbs about 11 million

bits of information per second.

That's like reading War and
Peace every second, twice.

Now that's the information
that's coming into your brain.

It's the light entering your
retinas and being processed.

It's the sound of my voice right now.

All this information is being
absorbed by your mental system.

However, the conscious brain can only
absorb about 50 bits of information,

so 11 million bits versus 50 bits.

So your brain is only
conscious of 0.000045%

of what's actually happening in reality.

And so what that necessitates is for
our brain to make sense of all this

information, it has to focus through
this tiny keyhole of attention.

And what we process is completely
filtered by what matters.

And what matters is determined
based on what we believe.

And so what really excited me about the
study of attention is how malleable it is.

And how we can live in what seems to be
completely different realities, simply

based on our predilections, on our beliefs
that focus our attention in different

ways, which is why you can have two
people who experience the same exact

objective reality and come away with
totally different subjective experiences.

Matt Abrahams: That difference
between what we actually take in

and what we perceive is amazing.

I want to get into a little later
how we can focus our beliefs or get

more in touch with them so we can
actually focus our attention more.

You introduced a hook model for how
to build products that create habits,

and I'm wondering if there are best
practices that we can apply to our

communication to help us motivate
people to pay attention to what we're

talking about or trying to get across,
and how to get them to follow through.

Are there ways to connect that
work to communication specifically?

Nir Eyal: Yes, for sure.

And this was work that I was doing back
when I was teaching at Stanford, I used

to teach a class at the GSB on this topic
of habit-forming products, and then I

moved over to the d.school on this topic.

And when it comes to communication,
I think one of the elements that we

see in all habit-forming products is
that there is an element of surprise.

We call this a variable reward.

And this comes from very old research.

You know, this is 50-year-old stuff,
more actually from BF Skinner from

the 1950s, I should say, where Skinner
took these pigeons and he put them

in a little box and he gave these
pigeons a little disc to peck at.

And every time the pigeon would peck at
the disc, they would receive a reward.

At first, he could train the pigeons
to peck at the disc and get the reward.

That's called operant conditioning, right?

That's no big deal.

If you have a puppy at home, if
you have a spouse at home, you've

probably trained their behavior by
this kind of rewards type system.

And so we see that the products and
services we use do this as well.

Now, what's interesting, for habit forming
products specifically, is that the engine

for these hook models that keep us coming
back is what's called a variable reward.

So when Skinner introduced some bit of
variability, what's called an intermittent

reward, an intermittent reinforcement,
sometimes he would give the pigeon a

reward, and then sometimes he wouldn't.

What he found was that the rate of
response, the number of times the

pigeon pecked at the disc increased
when the reward was given on a

variable schedule of reinforcement.

And so how do we bring
that back to communication?

You've gotta make sure that whatever
you're saying is exciting, is

different, is mysterious, right?

What keeps us reading a book or watching
a movie, or watching sports on tv?

It's all about novelty.

It's all about uncertainty.

It's all about not knowing
what's gonna happen next.

The first three letters of news,
NEW, it's about what's new.

It's about what we don't
know that just happened.

Not necessarily the most important thing,
not necessarily the most useful thing.

It's the most novel thing.

One of the best pieces of
advice I can give people who

wanna be good communicators
is that you have to be novel.

You have to be surprising in some way.

Matt Abrahams: So that surprise, I can
imagine, really comes in at the beginning.

It's really important to draw people in.

I'm wondering, how do you square this
with the notion and all the research

that says, having a clear structure, a
path helps people to attend and remember.

I certainly understand that novelty, our
brains are wired to pay attention to it.

We're driven to it.

But at the same time, there's a
lot of evidence that says when you

provide a structure, a path, it
helps people to remember and follow.

So how do those two blend together?

Nir Eyal: Absolutely.

So I think what you need is
that you need to make sure that

things are cognitively fluent.

When you have high cognitive
load, it becomes confusing.

If people don't understand where you're
going with something, it becomes hard

to follow and it's pretty aversive.

They don't like it.

And so having a structure, and this is
definitely something we see in habit

forming products, where you think
about how easy it is to do a particular

behavior, how the march of technology
is all about shortening the distance

between the recognition of a need
and the satisfaction of that need.

And so that's technology in a nutshell
is just shortening the effort.

And so we could do the same in our talks.

When people can follow along with a
clear structure, that's great, but

at the end of the day, if you're
not telling them something new, if

the message that you're trying to
convey isn't surprising and novel in

some way, it's called boring, right?

Even if you have great information,
you have to maintain their interest

by saying, here's what's coming.

Here's what's gonna happen.

Here's the mystery.

It's kind of weird.

It's not what you expect.

And keep reading for the resolution.

We can do the same in any
form of communication.

Matt Abrahams: I really like how you
explain the way in which structure

allows to processing fluency,
but at the same time, novelty

engages us, and as communicators,
we need to think about both.

We need not just to think about,
here's our message, how do I get it

across, but how do I structure it to
make it easier for our audiences to

get through and make it interesting
and engaging so they pay attention?

I really appreciate how you explain that.

Thank you.

In your work, you emphasize that identity
is a powerful tool for behavior change.

How can we change our identity to help us
cancel out negative views we might have of

ourselves to take on more productive ones?

For example, how can somebody who
thinks that they're a poor communicator

change their mental approach and
identity to see themselves differently

and perhaps as a better communicator?

Nir Eyal: So there's
a lot to unpack there.

And this is really kinda the basis
of my new book Beyond Belief, which

is all about how the power of beliefs
change what we see, feel, and do.

And so what you hit upon is a very
powerful concept, this concept of

identity, that can help us achieve
our goals, that can move us closer to

where we wanna go, can liberate us from
things that have been holding us back.

But it can also backfire.

And this identity concept we know can
actually lead to a lot of positive

change if we use it correctly.

The incorrect way to do it is to latch
your identity to a limiting belief.

A limiting belief is a belief that saps
motivation, whereas a liberating belief

is a belief that provides motivation.

So what we see a lot these days,
unfortunately, is a lot of labels.

Labels can be extremely comforting
because then it absolves us of future

agency and there's a lot of comfort to
saying, there's not that much I can do.

That's just who I am.

And we see this a lot in a chapter in the
book called Your Labels Are Your Limits,

that if you believe, you know, I'm having
a senior moment, if you believe, well,

that's just my ADHD, which I, by the way
have been diagnosed with ADHD as well.

If we believe that we are limited
that way, if that becomes who we are

rather than a symptom of something
we're struggling with, it can really

be a prison of our own making.

So a much healthier way is to
choose your identity wisely.

As opposed to saying, I'm bad at public
speaking, I'm a bad communicator.

No, you're someone who's
getting better, right?

That is the path to changing that
identity, is acknowledging that

you are growing, that this is
what getting better feels like.

You're supposed to face challenges, and
so one of the best things you can do

is to actually keep a belief journal.

That's a very powerful technique of
simply recording down, yeah, maybe

I messed up a few times, but look
at all the times I did really well.

So actually proving to yourself, not
just wishful thinking, not affirmations

in the mirror per se, but actually
tracking, hey, there's evidence here.

I'm getting better.

Another thing we can do is called illeism,
where we speak to ourselves in the third

person, and it sounds a little silly.

It sounds a little ridiculous.

It's incredibly powerful and it's
actually been shown in studies to have

this ability to transcend self-criticism.

Because when you talk about yourself
in the third person, it's like

you're talking about a friend.

And when we offer a friend that
perspective, we're much more likely

to give ourselves self-compassion.

So saying, Nir had a presentation and he
stumbled a bit, but for the most part,

that presentation went really well.

Having that third party perspective
can actually really help us change

how we view ourselves by giving our
brains direct evidence about what

really happened versus painting that
interaction through our limiting beliefs.

Matt Abrahams: We've heard before
on the show this notion of talking

about yourself in the third
person and how valuable it can be.

I love this idea of a belief journal where
you note the thing that was the challenge,

then check yourself, and remind yourself
that there are times that it wasn't

as bad or times where it was better.

Are there other things we can do to
help change our identity to be more

in line with where we want it to be?

Nir Eyal: Absolutely.

I think another technique that really
changed my life was this idea that's, it's

an ancient technique, but the person who
popularized it is a woman by the name of

Byron Katie, and she has this technique
called a turnaround, and now it's actually

been studied quite extensively about
how effective these turnarounds can be.

So a turnaround is when we look at
our belief, and you can use this in

all sorts of aspects of your life
with interpersonal relationships,

of course, to reflect upon your own
beliefs about your own performance.

You can use this in terms of interactions
with a colleague or any situation, any

belief that you consistently find is
a place where you're getting stuck in

life, what, whatever that might be.

And by the way, everybody I've
ever met has limiting beliefs.

I've talked to billionaires, I've
talked to people who are broke, and

all of us have these limiting beliefs.

The problem is, of course, they're hidden.

We can't see them even
if they're limiting us.

And so one of the things that we do is
we look for that limiting belief by first

starting with where are those areas of
our life where we keep getting stuck?

Is it we keep making a New Year's
resolution to get in shape and eat right?

But we don't and we won't.

Is it that relationship
that we refuse to repair?

Is it a conversation about
money that we're not having?

Where is that area of your life if you
look at your New Year's resolution that

comes back year after year after year.

So that's where we look
for these limiting beliefs.

And then what we wanna do is to actually
write down that limiting belief.

So let's say it's, it has to do
with communication, for example.

I'm a bad communicator, I am anxious,
whatever the case might be, I

have a problem I'm dealing with.

And then what we wanna do is to try
and do a turnaround on that belief,

which asks us to try on for size
the exact opposite perspective.

How the heck can we do that?

We can do this because
beliefs are not facts.

We confuse facts for beliefs.

And here's what I mean.

A fact is an objective truth.

The world is more like a
sphere than it is flat.

That is true whether you
believe it or not, right?

The Earth doesn't care what you believe.

That's an objective fact.

On the other end of the spectrum is faith.

Faith is a conviction that
does not require evidence.

In between fact and faith is a belief.

A belief is a strongly held
conviction open to new evidence.

So a belief doesn't have to be
true, it just has to be useful.

So beliefs are tools, not truths.

Beliefs are tools, not truth.

So what that means is that I can try on an
alternative perspective if it serves me.

So as opposed to thinking I'm bad at
presenting, maybe I can do a turnaround on

that and say, I'm not bad at presenting.

Is there any chance, even a 1% minuscule
little chance, that might also be true.

Yes, of course it could be.

The fact that I'm getting up on stage.

The fact that I'm trying to give
a presentation, that means I'm

improving, that means I'm way better
than maybe where I was a while back.

And so trying on those perspectives
isn't necessarily about

finding the one true answer.

Maybe you did mess up on a presentation,
that happens, but rather what you're doing

is collecting a portfolio of perspectives
that now you can choose from one that

serves you better than the old belief.

Because beliefs are tools, not truths.

Matt Abrahams: I love that idea that we
can create a portfolio of perspectives

and help us adjust and adapt our beliefs.

And this idea of beliefs as
tools, not truths, is liberating.

One of the things I so like
about your work is that you

create practical, tactical tests.

In your work on belief, you introduce
a test we can use to determine if

certain thoughts are helpful or not.

Can you explain this test?

Nir Eyal: I actually co-opted the work of
Byron Katie, and she gives this beautiful

four-part test that when we identify that
belief that maybe there was a grievance

that someone did to us, right, that I'm
reminded about this instance with my mom.

A few years ago she had her 74th
birthday, and I wanted to do what a

good son would do, and I wanted to
buy her flowers for her birthday.

I lived in Singapore and she was in
Orlando, Florida where I grew up, and I

stayed up till one in the morning calling
the florist and making sure it would be

delivered on time and looking at Google
reviews and I went to bed thinking,

you know what, Nir, you're a good son.

You, you did a nice deed.

I called her up the next day, wished
her a happy birthday and said,

hey, did you receive the flowers?

She says, yes, I did receive
the flowers, but you know what?

They were half dead, so maybe you
shouldn't order from that florist anymore.

I immediately looked at
that situation, right?

The power to see, feel, and do.

I immediately saw and felt
something very specific.

I believed that my mother is
obviously too judgmental and hard

to please, wouldn't you agree?

That's a very judgmental thing to
say, and I saw her through that

light, but that wasn't serving me.

That in fact, by me having, by coloring
that perspective, that trapped me because

now I was dependent on her changing
her behavior so that I could be happy.

That's impossible.

That's a recipe for misery.

So instead, what I did was ask
myself these four questions

that Byron Katie poses.

The first question is, is it true?

So what's the belief?

My mother is too judgmental
and hard to please.

The first question, is it true?

Of course it's true.

I told you, Matt, clearly my
mother is very judgmental and

hard to please, obviously.

Okay, well let's move on
to the second question.

The second question is,
is it absolutely true?

Sounds like the first question,
but it's actually not.

Is it absolutely true?

Is it absolutely true that my mother
is too judgmental and hard to please?

Absolutely?

Always?

There's no other interpretation?

Uh, okay.

Maybe there's another interpretation.

Maybe she was just trying to save
me some money and making sure that I

wasn't getting scammed by this florist.

Maybe, I don't know.

Maybe.

Okay.

Maybe a possibility.

Well, the third question, okay,
now we're on question three.

Who am I when I have this belief?

When I believe my mom is judgmental and
too hard to please I am short-tempered.

I am not very patient.

I say things that I later regret,
so I'm not a very good person.

I don't like who I am when I
believe my mother is judgmental

and too hard to please.

Okay.

Now the fourth and final question,
who would I be without that belief?

Well, I guess if I could wave a magic
wand and make that belief disappear, I

guess I'd probably be a nicer person.

I'd be who I really am as opposed
to devolving into my 17-year-old

version of myself and say things off
the cuff that didn't go well, right?

You can imagine how I reacted.

And I told her actually, I
said, well, that's the last

time I ever buy you a present.

And of course that went over just
about as well as you'd expect.

And I later regretted that.

So if I didn't have that
belief, I'd be much better.

I'd like myself more.

And so that's when we're then
invited to do a turnaround.

That's when we're invited to then
say, well, if there's even a chance

that belief is not true and I am
better for it when I don't believe

it, why not give it a chance?

Doesn't matter if it's true.

No, because beliefs are tools not true.

So it doesn't actually matter if my
mother is judgmental and too hard to

please, because most of our decisions
in life are not based on facts.

Should I marry this person?

Is there a fact that could inform that?

No, it's a belief.

Should I start this business?

Should I move to this city?

These are all based on beliefs.

They're not based on facts.

And so when we realize that beliefs
are just tools, not truths, I

think it expands our worldview.

It expands our option set.

We become more at peace, more
accepting, realizing that we're

not looking for absolutes, that
we're not trying to prove facts.

We're just trying to find
the beliefs that serve us.

Matt Abrahams: It strikes me that
we have to be motivated to get

outside ourselves that these beliefs
are really just tools, not truths.

There's a safety and security that comes
from seeing the world the way I see it.

Seeing my mother as somebody
who's ungrateful might help me,

which is not true in my case, but
might help me tell the story of

my life that helps me feel okay.

Before we end, I like to ask everybody
the same questions, one I create for

you, and two I've been asking everybody
since the beginning of the show.

Are you up for that?

Nir Eyal: Absolutely.

Matt Abrahams: One of the things I
so appreciate about your work is how

purposely you communicate your ideas.

You use lots of analogies
and make things relevant.

You talked about how many readings of War
and Peace it would take for our brains.

You use a lot of alliteration.

Talk to me about your thought
process on how you communicate

the topics and tools that you use.

Nir Eyal: So my MO has always been the
same, and that is to follow my curiosity.

I'm not one of these authors
that writes about what I know.

I write about what I want to know, and
I think readers can detect that, right?

I think a reader or listener can determine
when someone is just kind of going

through the paces because that's what
they have to do, versus I get excited,

I get lit up about this because I feel
like I've made a discovery, right?

This has improved my life, right?

Like I know how painful it could
be to have one of these problems.

So to me, that's always been my
guiding light, is I always write

about my problems and thankfully,
I've got no shortage of those.

I can, I'll have infinite
stuff to write about.

And so when I tackle something
that I'm actually struggling with,

and I'm driven by the curiosity of
solving it for myself, to be honest

with you, Matt, that's why I write.

Matt Abrahams: I think some of the best
work comes from when it helps ourselves,

but what I find so powerful in what you
do is the way in which you communicate.

It really helps people to understand it.

Let me ask the second question.

Who's a communicator
that you admire and why?

Nir Eyal: So that would have to be Daniel
Kahneman, the late great economist.

I found him to be, he wasn't flashy,
but he was very precise and I loved

how he took very complex ideas and
he stripped away all the jargon.

He made these ideas very useful
without oversimplifying them, and I

think he changed how we see ourselves.

And to me, that's amazing.

That's the highest form of
communication, is the kind of clarity

that changes human behavior, and
I think he's my role model there.

Matt Abrahams: I so appreciate
his work, and the work he did in

conjunction with Tversky as well, was
just fascinating and fundamentally

changed the way we view human behavior.

Final question.

What are the first three ingredients that
go into a successful communication recipe?

Nir Eyal: First three ingredients.

Okay, so we've touched on bits
and pieces of this, but let's see

if we can put it all together.

I would say the most important
first ingredient is truth.

That what you say has to be
true, but that's not good enough.

We've heard a lot of people who
say things that are true, but they

lack the other two ingredients.

So I think the second ingredient
is that it has to be useful.

That it has to be something
that's actually practical.

The third ingredient to me is
novelty, which we talked about at the

very beginning of our conversation
around those variable rewards.

So I think that's the recipe.

It has to be true.

It has to be useful,
and it has to be novel.

Matt Abrahams: Truth, novelty
and usefulness, absolutely

critical to success.

And I really appreciate you taking
the time to help us better understand

ourselves and our motivations
and how our beliefs impact who

we are and what it is we do.

I wish you great success on
your new book Beyond Belief,

and thank you for your time.

Nir Eyal: My pleasure.

This was a lot of fun.

Thank you.

Matt Abrahams: Thank you for
joining us for another episode of

Think Fast Talk Smart, the podcast.

To learn more about beliefs and
motivation, please listen to

episode 104 with Katy Milkman and
episode one 15 with Szu-chi Huang.

This episode was produced by Katherine
Reed, Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams.

Our music is from Floyd Wonder.

With special thanks to
Podium Podcast Company.

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