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Welcome to the 100xLife Podcast! This is the place for anyone who desires to not just hear the words of Jesus but to live them fully. Together, we’ll explore what it means to experience the abundant life He promises, a life of purpose, growth, and transformation.
Each episode is designed to inspire and challenge you to put in the work of following Jesus, equipping you with practical insights and encouragement to align your life with His teachings.
Whether you're just beginning your faith journey or looking to deepen it, the 100xLife Podcast helps activate your next step toward the life you were created to live.
Rob Dayton (00:00)
you
Welcome to the 100X Life Podcast, where we activate people who desire to live the words of Jesus and experience the abundant life He promises. I'm your host, Rob Dayton, and I hope this podcast inspires you to put in the work of following Jesus.
Rob Dayton (00:36)
Hey, 100x lifers. Welcome back to the podcast. I have got a special conversation with my bride, Nancy Dayton. So apparently when Nancy's on the podcast, there are many more views. what it'll be interesting about that is to see how this discussion drives your interest. Last week, we were talking about
mindsets, how to have the perfect holiday mindset. got Thanksgiving coming up. We got Christmas coming up. And when we're with family, that is when we're most likely going to have some challenges. We're going to be in the family gym. Maybe it's a good way to look at it. And we talked last week about how do I develop the perfect mindset? We did that through vision. What's the perfect journaling from the future? What would be the perfect outcome that you could tell somebody, maybe me.
in the future on New Year's Eve and you're telling them and then taking that vision and saying, what is the mindset that would be required to fulfill that vision? Man, that was some powerful stuff. That was really powerful. And I really encourage you, if you have not listened to that podcast, please go back and do so. it's powerful for all areas of life, but particularly
for dealing with the holiday seasons and family. And now we're gonna go a little deeper, because we wanna discuss, Nancy and I have different families, we're with our families in different aspects. It's my 60th birthday celebration coming up here, and we're starting to celebrate that. And man, six decades of walking through.
the particulars of dealing with family. Man, so many memories just come up when I say those words. And I know for Nancy that that's true. We've lived a while to know. And what we want to do is we want to process with you about what that looks like. What is 100xLife What is the, what is the process of following Jesus look like in the holidays? What does that look like to follow Jesus with your family?
So we're going to be talking about the words of Jesus. We're to be talking about particular situations that we've encountered that were challenging successes. We're going to try to get, as raw as raw and real as we can. But before we do Nancy Dayton, my gosh. So we, we got this kind of heard from God that, we should move. I call it selling Santa Barbara. We sold Santa Barbara and we moved to bend Oregon to really cut
our expenses significantly start to think about how do we spend all those resources before we die? We want to die broke. want to, we want to make sure that we're spending all God's resources that he's given us to stewart want to spend those on kingdom things that will be relevant for eternity. And so that was, that was what we did. We, we, we followed Jesus in this one. And so now let's see, I think we,
I think we sold in June or we moved in June or late June. and now ironically, we're back in Santa Barbara in our, in our original house for my birthday and to meet with our kids, which is what had been wonderful time getting together with family again, before we do it again in Thanksgiving. Nancy, how is this tracking with you? now you, you've got, four to five months in the rear view mirror.
How's this panning out? What was the challenge and what are you discovering?
Nancy Dayton (03:56)
Well, I think I've already talked about the challenge. it was, it was a definitely a God timing in when we sold and moved to Bend, but it was calling God's guidance through the whole thing. So it's been a really good transition. We actually really enjoy being in Bend. It's quite beautiful.
And I was a little nervous about coming back to Santa Barbara, coming into our old home, but we're here and it's been a wonderful transition to come back and to be here. We, I got to be with my 100x women group live here in her house a couple of days ago. Last night we celebrated your 60th with your closest friends.
and some of their wives. And we had a surprise visit from Rob's sister and her husband. And it's been just so fun to have our kids here and the grandbaby. And it's just been a really good transition. I was a little nervous about it. And we settled right back in where we're comfortable, but we're also very excited to go back.
One of the greatest little things that happened here in Santa Barbara is that the owners like to keep the pool at 92 degrees and it's cold and raining and we've been swimming in the pool every day in the rain. So it's the rain not so bad, it's more bearable because we get to be in the pool with everybody having fun.
Rob Dayton (05:23)
So that's so cool. Yeah. And it's pretty wild to see the pool heated at 92 degrees. We've never done that. And grateful that the current owners are paying for all that gas. So, so you said that you were, nervous. Was that the word you use? You were nervous about coming back to Santa Barbara. What, what, what's behind that? my thought in ice, I would say same, that's
what I was feeling apprehensive, like is going back and seeing this place that you love, that you built over 17 years, with all the little details and, and sweat and blood and, memories, is that going to, I was thinking, is that going to disrupt me? Or I think one of the thoughts I had are the new owners have there, are they abusing the house in a way that's, you know,
I'm going to feel bad for, we have rights to live here two months a year, which is just a miracle. But then also do I want to, what were some of your challenging thoughts?
Nancy Dayton (06:15)
Yeah.
Some very similar thoughts. And it kind of started when the owner called you and said, what is going on with this water bill? It was in the middle of August and August our water bill is usually like 13, $1,400 for that. Yeah. And so, and so he,
Rob Dayton (06:37)
which is crazy. Welcome to California.
Nancy Dayton (06:44)
Like right after your call with him, we got a call from the gardener and the gardener's like, how do I turn off the water on the daimondia? they'd the daimondia in our patio was kind of my little project. Like whenever the gardeners would come, ⁓ they never really touched the daimondia because I always kept it in pristine and perfect condition. I'd be out there weeding all the time and making sure that it got watered properly.
And I just was sad. I'm like, oh my gosh, are they going to kill the daimondia? And so we got here and it was beautiful. They made improvements to the landscape, which is something that I worked on over many, years. they just filled in certain areas with more plants and everything's just really beautiful. And then the house, course, is the same because
We sold them all of our furniture. So it's just nice to be back in our house, minus all the artwork and the personal touches that I like to add to a home, but it's been great. And then just filling it with our children and our sister and brother-in-law. it just, it all just came together, throwing parties here. We had a party last night, had a fireside
encouragement and gave words to Rob with a bunch of friends and it's just been a wonderful time so far. So, ⁓ and I'm actually really looking forward to going back to bed too. And now I know that I am going to enjoy coming to Santa Barbara when we do.
Rob Dayton (08:09)
That's good.
That's cool. Okay. So you have the apprehension mainly about the state of the house. And then that was that worked out, ⁓ and then less stress because you're not responsible for anything that's not working here, which is, relief for me. And then the other thing is I remember yesterday was yesterday morning. We are having coffee and I made a comment. said, I'm so happy we decided to move. And you were right on the heels of that saying yes.
it was the right decision. What was the feeling in that moment? What are you feeling in terms of, maybe can you relate it to Jesus following and just being obedient?
Nancy Dayton (08:54)
I mean, for sure that that was part of it, but I just know in my heart that it was the right decision. We chose the right place. We're loving where we're at. It's not a 19 hour drive to Bellingham, but a seven, seven and a half hour drive to Bellingham, our kids live with our new grandbaby. And we're in the city where our Cohen laws
our daughter's husband's parents live. So we have become even closer with them. And they're all, everybody's coming to our house for Thanksgiving. And it's, you know, it's kind of exciting that people, people want to come see us or family from Newport Beach and Laguna Niguel. They're all coming to be with us in our home in Thanksgiving. And I'm planning a pickleball tournament for everybody. And it's
indoors because it's cold there but you know we're embracing the cold and looking forward to it.
Rob Dayton (09:53)
So good. Yeah, we bought Nordic skis. So we're going to give that a whirl. We're downhill skiers, but we're going to try the trekking and yeah, it's really cool. We're in where the snow is coming. All the mountains are getting full of snow. And so there's a great transition. Our family is coming up for Thanksgiving and yes, surprise. Interesting. So many people are wanting to come hang with us. It takes a flight for them to get there. So
Let's talk about this because we want to do is we want to live the words of Jesus. We want to follow Jesus for all areas of life. So when you think about, I guess you could say we're talking about this move following Jesus was like, Hey, Jesus is telling us, I think it's time for you to move in sell Santa Barbara and start thinking about spending that money of mine and steward in it more appropriately. and you know,
It's been freeing and I think in this conversation we're saying at least five months out, we're like, yeah, that was good. But what does it look like to follow Jesus for our family? What does it look like to listen to his voice, to put his words into practice for a family? And as I said on the onset, and we talked about last week, his family can be very challenging. There are many triggers. Our
⁓ unconscious brain has been trained to automatically feel and express emotions largely based on the first programming which was when we were very young with our family so these first programs Particularly where we were heard or we had a big challenge growing up Everyone does as they're growing up these challenges have built-in emotions that can get triggered often do get triggered when we're with family at these
at these holiday times. And some of us have just said, hey, I'm not going to do family. I'm not going to do it. It's too much. And then you overlay that on top of that, what we're dealing with in America with this bipolarization politically, which groups people into that's who they are. This is who we are. Families have also had, when we incorporate that, have been more fraught with challenges and trials and
people saying, I don't want to be in relationship with you anymore. So, so as you're thinking about this, Nancy, let's kind of just start with Thanksgiving that's coming up. let's talk about your past. your parents are now deceased. You were adopted, your brothers were adopted and tell us a little bit about that family dynamic and what was challenging for you.
Nancy Dayton (12:18)
I my family dynamic was way more challenging than your family dynamic. Going going into a holiday with with them, there could be some excessive drinking going on and that just adds some twists and turns to conversations and.
Yeah, I just, I wasn't super comfortable being in that dynamic. And so I really feel bad for people, families who are no longer meeting for holidays because it could be challenging for them. And so, you know, I think I learned a lot from that, going from my family into your family and
And then of course, through the 100xLife process of just, you know, learning how to be patient and compassionate, not be judgmental. Definitely things can be triggered with our kids because, you know, they are, you know, they're in their young 20s, mid 20s and
you know, they're figuring out life on their own and there can be things that are triggered with them and just being empathetic and patient with listening to them, being slow to speak and quick to listen and asking questions to understand our
Rob Dayton (13:44)
It's almost like
you don't want to be triggered by the trigger of other people, right? You're kind of like, that's happening with the kids and now I'm not going to respond overly. I'm just going to be patient and understand that they're having a trigger moment. And is that what you're saying?
Nancy Dayton (13:49)
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure. But I would say that I've had really deep conversations with our daughter who has helped me to open my eyes to this a little bit better. has tried to explain to me that, it's important for, if she's hurting over something to understand that and not brush it aside, because I tend to be a very optimistic
you know, thinking everything's going to be okay and fine kind of person. My glass is always half full. And, but you know, I'm learning about her and her thoughts and her inner process and how I need to really listen to it and, and ask questions so that she can be heard and seen.
And that's been really important. So that's been my journey over the last couple of years with her. And with her moving away, I feel like I've gotten pretty good at it. because of that, our relationship is just growing immensely.
Rob Dayton (14:55)
You have
you did. I kind of want to like, I think it's really important for our listeners that we talk about our triggers. And I know you have some and it's interesting the triggers you learned in childhood. Surprise, surprise impact our marriage in mine as well. So I'll just share mine first. So for me growing up,
I was the oops baby. my sister's 14 years older than me. So instead of having three sisters, it was really four moms. My dad was a silent generation and silent generation. Kids were meant to be seen in and not heard. And that presented a big challenge for my dad. He's very good father in my estimation. But one thing that he did that you might, I don't know, you might be appalled by or you.
you might go, okay, that's logical, but he built a table in the laundry room, a prop up table, and that's where I ate meals until I was, could be silent at the table. That has caused a lot of challenges for me that I've had to recognize over the years that I have a real challenge with.
my value because I wasn't worthy to sit at the table and I was thinking how do I get to that table? How do I get to be able to be there? And that's manifested in all sorts of attention-getting behavior, obnoxiousness is how you might read that for a lot of people. before I was mature and really understood this and even still today can be, where is my value? I think that God
chose to call me, I don't know what the actual word is, but it means his worth is found in God specifically to combat that lie of the enemy that I was not worthy as a kid. so how that relates to, and this is what I want us to do, Nancy is how that relates to when we're with family. If I feel like we're with family and I'm not being listened to or maybe,
people aren't paying enough attention to me. I know that sounds kind of weird, but this is the trigger of childhood. Then I can start to feel like I'm not worthy in a family setting. And then that causes negative behaviors for me to overcompensate, either run away, get mad, get sad, be a little bit too abrupt because the emotions from that childhood are welling up and causing me to try to,
get away from this thought of not being worthy, but understanding that trigger going into it has helped me considerably to avoid the emotions or to be tricked by the trigger into manifesting in a way that's totally different than that past experience. Nancy, what would you say? mean, I've got one in mind for you, but what would you say were your triggers when you are a kid?
Nancy Dayton (17:46)
Well, I have quite a few triggers. But I feel like I've grown so much and it takes a lot to trigger me these days. Well, being adopted was a big deal and I felt like when I was growing up that I was dealing with
Rob Dayton (17:54)
If you have
Nancy Dayton (18:08)
abandonment that my parents didn't want me. I fantasized about what my biological parents were like and how my life would have been better not being in the family that I felt like was really dysfunctional growing up. And since then, this is part of the reason why I came to know Jesus is
I sought after who and found out who my parents were, they're dead now. But ⁓ it made me have a whole new appreciation for my family who adopted me. but one of the things, that I, after I came to know Jesus, I got rid of, I got healed of the spirit of abandonment. But
I don't know that really triggers me anymore because I've gotten rid of it. But yeah, I just I don't feel like that's triggering anymore for me.
Rob Dayton (19:04)
Yeah,
I think you've dealt with it in a very healthy way. And that's a powerful story. And I appreciate you sharing that. And then one of the ones I was thinking about is, in your family, the way you got attention was to run away.
Nancy Dayton (19:19)
Yeah, and that's kind of like that abandonment thing is like to run away when I felt like I wasn't being heard. And that's how I got attention. And I used to do this, you know, in our younger years, I used to run like, we've we've gone to argument, I wanted to run and I think you helped me cure that because you wouldn't run after me.
Rob Dayton (19:46)
Right.
Nancy Dayton (19:47)
Now
I'm like, you're like, I'm not running after her.
Rob Dayton (19:49)
Well, what I
commonly said was, when you're ready to talk, here's where I'll be waiting for you.
Nancy Dayton (19:57)
Then we learned how to deal with that. Do remember? I would get angry and I would have to say, am angry and I want you to know it so that you knew that I was being triggered inside. And instead of me lashing out in anger, I would use those words and then you would pay attention to me and listen to
what I was going through. And that's how I overcame that trigger. So...
Rob Dayton (20:31)
That's
really healthy just to connect the dots there is that the running is a way for people to pay attention. It's an intention getting. And so instead you're just saying, Hey, I'm angry right now and I want you to realize it. Instead of me running out the door, I'm just going to use my words and communicate.
Nancy Dayton (20:38)
Yes.
Yeah, for sure. I don't feel like I run. I do know that being in social environments, I need to take a step back sometimes and have my downtime because I'm introvert and extrovert. right in the middle. You're very extrovert.
you thrive on that and I get drained if I have too much stimulation. So, you know, I just have learned to, when everyone's at the house in a week and a half for Thanksgiving and I get overwhelmed, I just take a step back and I'm like, okay, I need to have a few moments to myself.
Rob Dayton (21:30)
That's a pretty cool, that's a powerful play that many of us listening could implement we have different tolerances of family time. And so knowing your tolerance level and knowing that you're going to need downtime and planning that, putting that into the schedule intentionally, going on a walk or I'm going to run this errand or,
Nancy Dayton (21:41)
Yeah.
Rob Dayton (21:55)
Like, Kenner and I commonly will schedule breakfast. We've got one scheduled tomorrow morning. We've got one scheduled for Thanksgiving week where we can go away from everyone else and have a little bit more downtime, one-on-one time. So that's really really good tip. you said something pretty powerful about fantasizing about your real parents.
Nancy Dayton (22:18)
Yeah.
Rob Dayton (22:19)
And when
I think about that in terms of mindset is that was actually a mindset strategy. Cause fantasizing is actually rewiring your brain that when we fantasize, we use our imaginations. We're painting our brains a picture that our brain doesn't even know it's real or fake. just teach it as real. And so it's really interesting to observe that. and then
from all the things we know now, because you were painting a picture for yourself that your current situation was inadequate. It wasn't enough because the true picture or the true parents were these other people. Now, the reality of that was that that wasn't true, which is why you're like, man, I really appreciate these parents after all who adopted me.
Nancy Dayton (22:52)
Mm-hmm.
Rob Dayton (23:10)
But it isn't interesting how despite what the true future was, your fantasy drove your feelings and how you responded to it. you could have just as easily said to yourself, again, fantasizing, the parents who left me, and so this is the story I'm telling myself, I'm gonna make it up. my parents who left me, my mom couldn't afford it,
dad didn't want to be around for me and these parents who adopted me are my saviors. They're the ones who really chose me and they're the ones that I'm going to value. That's a fantasy too. Isn't that interesting how both are fantasies, but one is going to produce much different emotions and responses and actions. Do you identify with that? Does that make sense to you? How would you shape that?
Nancy Dayton (24:00)
I definitely identify with that. And that's why I think it was really, really good that the last podcast that you did a week ago, because, it's so great to be reminded that our, when we can visualize, when we have control over ourself and our responses, and we can, if we can visualize that and
put it into action when you're dealing with a difficult circumstance or situation with family, it makes all the difference in your response and how you respond to people. And back then when I was fantasizing, it was of what my life would have been like, it turned out that it would have been totally chaotic.
some of the people listening don't know my testimony, but just really quick, I was one of nine children who were put up for adoption from my bio mom. And she was a go-go dancer in San Francisco in the sixties. She had three daughters before she had me with three different men.
had me, then had a son. that's nine months after she gave birth to me, I'm the only one she put up for adoption. And then, and then, and then got married and had four more kids. So it was like, when I learned this, and some of the things that were happening, you know, within that family, I was just like, my gosh, I am. I used to say, when I found this out, like, I'm his
favorite. Like, he let me lose from this family. And so I just have like this huge appreciation. But if I knew how to fantasize in a positive way back then, I would have done it. But I just didn't know Jesus. I didn't understand that. the enemy had his claws on me during that time.
but now I know and I understand, especially through, 100xLife and how to renew my mind. And it's a huge tool for people to be able to visualize what it can be like. that podcast just reminded, I think everybody listening to it, like, let's start now before it even happens. And it's going to make a big difference.
Rob Dayton (26:28)
So, so good. know, and I think about the Trinity, you know, Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. Jesus is the mindset focused member of the Trinity. He's really concerned about our mindsets when he says, repent and believe. It's almost like he's saying, change the way you think so that you can believe. And then we've got these words of Jesus that probably, you let's talk about this in terms of how do we put that into practice?
for family, knowing these triggers are going to come up. How do we get that mindset? I'm thinking about deny yourself. One of the first words, take up your cross. These might be two words that are perhaps most applicable to our family that we are going to, I'm just going to serve. I think we, came up with that one as a one potential mindset. I'm going to serve without an expectation. my family, that's very powerful or.
maybe in terms of take up my cross, whatever comes out of their mouth, I'm gonna die for them. I'm going to preserve them. I'm not gonna practice condemnation. I'm not gonna practice judgment. I'm gonna practice forgiveness. And then some of our family, they actually might be our enemies. you mentioned that you're not with your family anymore. And I know that you've been trying to do some of that and reaching out.
But we might be estranged from family, so you might want to share that Nancy, but we might be estranged from family and they might be our enemies. And so what does it look like to love them? What does it look like to try to reengage in a loving way? It doesn't mean that you're going to have to trust. That's a totally different thing. But letting them off the hook and letting them know because their family, you love them. What are your thoughts on this in terms of kind of your your family and history how do we repair and create mindsets that?
help us to be more loving, to die for people, to be salt to them, to preserve them.
Nancy Dayton (28:15)
So, you know, it's hard to do when you have a sibling that doesn't want to really meet with you. I have one brother that I still interact with. He lives in Nevada. And then I have one brother that lives here in Santa Barbara. And I feel like our relationship has gotten better because
When my brother, when my other brother from Nevada is visiting, he'll allow me to go to dinner with them and share a meal with them. But this time around in Santa Barbara and I reached out ⁓ to his girlfriend, not to him because he hasn't been responding to my texts, but she'll respond. And I, and I asked, I said, can I come see you? He's actually ⁓ not doing well health wise. He's dying from cancer.
He's trying to hang on so that his girlfriend who he's been with for many years, and I see her as a total blessing to him, ⁓ can get some benefits when he does die. so he's trying, you know, I heard from my other brother in Nevada that he's trying to hang on until June of 26 so that his girlfriend can get some benefits. But, you know, I try, I try and reach out, I try and connect.
but it just isn't received. So that's all you really can do when you're in that circumstance. One of the words of Jesus is, ⁓ be quick to settle matters quickly with your brother. I relate to that with my actual brother. mean, they're talking about anybody be quick to settle matters.
it's been a lifelong thing with us. And it's, it's, it's been not a good relationship ever from, you know, we were, we were kids and it's been something that's been hard to swallow and, and deal with over the years. But, I would say if you can, if you can reach out and try and reconnect with people, your loved ones, your family during this time, it's, it's a good time to do it and to put your
differences behind you and just at least try. It may not work, but at least you're trying.
Rob Dayton (30:39)
So good. we, think the reason, you know, there's many reasons, but the one that I think of most with Jesus wanting us to, he wants to have our, our mind. he wants us to adjust the way we think. And I think the main thing is that if we adjust the way we think, we will manifest love, pretty easily. If we change the way we think, if we try to love without changing the way we think, I think people can.
feel that, they kind of sense that it's fake. And so I think that that reality is actually something we should talk about because, when we get in these situations, some of our family members may not even be, they may be pre-Christians, they're not Christians, they don't know Jesus yet. And then I know many families where that's the case, where
Then it becomes, and this happens politically too. It's like, let's talk about it. Let's, let's talk about Jesus. and you, as soon as you say that, then the other person might get triggered or, talk about politics. gets even worse. But I think what Jesus would have us do in terms of implementing his words and being repentance changed the way we think is that we would, we would simply be love. We would be love to the people around us.
Nancy Dayton (31:49)
Yes.
Rob Dayton (31:53)
rather than talking about.
Nancy Dayton (31:55)
Yes, you live by example. You don't have to make a point. you understand the dynamic and you accommodate you try not to, take any jabs it's easy to do when when people are gathering and you're in a small space and it's cold outside and, know,
I mean, we're not experiencing that with our current situation and family, but you don't want to escalate something that you know can happen because you know that there's like a political difference or there's, a heart wound with a family member. You just try not to trigger it during the holidays.
That's, know, throw a few cocktails in there and it's like, my gosh, it could just blow up in your face.
Rob Dayton (32:42)
Right,
because the cocktails, the unfortunate reality of the cocktails is they almost let down your guard. It reduces your self-control. The fruit of the spirit self-control, when you're intoxicated or buzzed, you're more likely to say the thing you didn't want to say.
Nancy Dayton (32:49)
Yeah.
Rob Dayton (33:03)
Interestingly, with my family, although everyone was a Jesus follower, we actually had challenges in the, in the last 20 years. even, well, actually more than that. Um, how long have we been married? It's been 20. Yeah. So we're almost at 28 and you and I kind of grew differently in our relationship with God.
Nancy Dayton (33:18)
or she knew it on 28.
Rob Dayton (33:29)
because of Jessica. now everyone's kind of at that same place, you know, concerning Holy Spirit. It's really wonderful to talk to all of my family members, but there was some tension there. was some tension that, felt like maybe our, our faith was more religious. And we were trying to all exercise. How do we get to real? Which I think is exactly what we're saying is how do I live love versus talk about love?
Nancy Dayton (33:55)
Well, and that was more you. That wasn't me, because it was your family.
Rob Dayton (34:00)
I'll confess.
Nancy Dayton (34:03)
Like you're the one who was struggling because you had your family triggers going on and I didn't. I'm like, ⁓ I love this family. There's no issue.
Rob Dayton (34:12)
It's so true. And then,
yeah, that was my issue completely. then you're just watching it and just having fun and enjoying the whole thing, wondering why I've got all these problems.
Nancy Dayton (34:24)
Yeah, I just had to calm me down when needed. I was there for you.
Rob Dayton (34:29)
which you're really
good at. Yeah, and that kind of goes back to the story, my story in 100 X Life and your involvement in really bringing me out of the duplistic lifestyle of saying, believe one thing, but acting completely different. you were the one, you were the one who challenged us. I don't think we should be doing drugs anymore.
You're like, aren't we supposed to follow Jesus? Doesn't that look like not doing some things as well as doing some things? And so really setting me straight, which by the way, praise God for you. Thank you so much. Because I think when we had that moment of baptism in the Holy Spirit, I truly believe in my conversations with Papa about that, that Holy Spirit was just waiting to pounce on me because you had created.
So much more discipline to obey to practice obedience. We have the cross we have the power of the cross and now we get to Not sin we get to be slaves to righteousness and you really challenged me on that and then and then that actually gave birth to this moment we were able to experience which we talked about on this podcast of just experiencing Love course through our veins in ways that ⁓ changed our behavior, which is another
It's another good reason for us to reflect on like that is the core of what we want to do. And what we want our listeners to do for this holiday season is be loved. Let's not talk about love. Let's actually play it out. Any thoughts about that whole situation and how they came about?
Nancy Dayton (36:02)
I mean, yeah, for me, I had conviction, like the Holy Spirit was convicting me. And it was it was easy, like it was easy, because I'm like, Okay, that's wrong. Like, it was so obvious.
Rob Dayton (36:15)
That's interesting.
That's interesting because that what that makes me want to say or observe about my situation is that the conviction of the spirit was quieted with my not responding. So for you being a fresh baby Christian, the
Nancy Dayton (36:31)
in my
thirties and you were at three. So you can get a big difference.
Rob Dayton (36:35)
Yeah.
Yeah, like yeah, I became a Christian at three. You became one of your 30s and so your minds developed. You've had all this life and then you're like no duck. I feel Holy Spirit telling me not to do this, but I had gotten so used to to ignoring that feeling it no longer did anything for me. That's a powerful difference. I hadn't even thought about that before that that is part of what when
Nancy Dayton (36:50)
Mm-hmm.
Rob Dayton (37:02)
Jesus is telling us to do a thing, he's saying, follow me. And the Holy Spirit is there, prompting those individual decisions with people, with life, that if you don't, if you don't pay attention to those, to that conviction over time, you're gonna dull and you're gonna nullify that conviction. That's truly what happened to me. I had no...
I really was done with conviction altogether and just lived how I lived without any kind of regret.
Nancy Dayton (37:34)
Well, I think that that's true for a lot of Christians, know, who have been, just claiming that they're Christian and doing the things that they think are Christian, but they're kind of numb to really what it looks like to have that relationship with Jesus. And that is, multiplying, doing the things that he's asked us to do.
You know, and I think, like even with a book, ⁓ 100X Life, it's like, it just lays it out. It's so simple. We've talked about this, but this is what he told us to do. But people just kind of don't believe in that. Like, it's like they're numb, they're lukewarm.
Rob Dayton (38:13)
Yeah, the lukewarm is definitely a numbing thing. And then, what I really have a strong conviction to is how do we snap the body of Christ out of that? I really think it has to do with the vocabulary we use, because it's interesting when we talk about church, we don't necessarily call attention to, how are you following Jesus today? What is that looking like in your life?
As Jenna did the quote, as if it was me said, Jesus didn't ask us to study him. He asked us to follow him. And so if you just switch that vocabulary, now I can use my imagination and create a mindset for what following would look like.
we're studying to to learn about him. And then once we find out about how he operates, we've got to put that into practice in our lives so that we're actually prompted. when people hold up the Bible on Sunday and say the word of God, that's awesome. And the word, the Rhema word of God is also alive and well and dwelling inside us. And we need to listen to that one. Of course, we got to compare it with the scripture to make sure we're not getting wonky or sideways.
but listening to the voice of God within us. All three of them, I believe, are dwelling in us and talking to us constantly. That's how we're gonna learn to follow. Any final tips? How would you craft Jesus following and apply that to, let's say, the Thanksgiving week or the Christmas week in terms of dealing with your family?
Nancy Dayton (39:42)
I mean, mine is practical, okay? So, you know, I've got 20 people coming over and I know that it'll be harder for me to be emanating love if I'm doing all the work. So it's like, okay, what do I gotta do so that, I feel like I'm not the only one in the kitchen while everybody else is out there having fun, having conversations. So I just ask people to help, I'm out of
I'm not afraid to do that. I love asking people, okay, can you do this dish? Can you do this dish? And then, coming together in the kitchen while people are doing the dishes, like that's where I get to interact with people. I know if from past Thanksgiving, it can get overwhelming, it can get to be too much for me.
It could be frustrating because I'm back working and everybody else is chatting and having fun. And it's like, I do want to serve, but it's it's honestly too much for me to do for 20 people. So I've just learned over the years to to ask people for help. that that's how I that's how I relate it to Thanksgiving when you're when you have a large group. ⁓
just to pull people in and make it fun in the kitchen.
Rob Dayton (40:57)
That's really,
really cool. And then how do you, how can you transpose that? Cause I know that you have a lot of internal dialogue going on that's unsaid with members of the Trinity, with God, What does that actual strategy look like in terms of following Jesus? can you take that very practical exercise and apply it to, okay, where's he going?
Nancy Dayton (41:18)
practical wise, I am thinking I don't want to get myself into this mindset of frustration because everybody is off doing something and fun and interacting and I'm just in the background, doing all the work.
I know my limits and I know what I can and cannot do and I know my frustration point. so practically ask for help because everyone wants to help. I tend to want to do things myself and that's something that I've learned to let go of and just ask for help. And so, you know, with respect to
the conversations that we'll have throughout the day as we're prepping. I sometimes I'll even have to say, hey, I need to think about what I'm doing right now. Can you give me 30 minutes?
Rob Dayton (42:11)
Don't
talk to me right now. I really need to think this through.
Nancy Dayton (42:15)
I'm full of this recipe, so let's not chat right now.
Rob Dayton (42:18)
Did you just
give proof that there is no such thing as multitasking?
Nancy Dayton (42:25)
It depends on what it is. If I'm whipping up some cream, I can do that one. Yeah, it depends on what I'm doing. That's multitasking. But I just have learned my limits and my frustration points. And I'm just going to do my best to avoid them so I don't get frustrated so that I can emanate love.
Rob Dayton (42:30)
Okay.
So last thing would be ⁓ that we could talk about is, okay, so let's say I've created the mindset, I've got the strategy in play, but then the proverbial stuff hits the fan and someone says something. How do you look at that in kind of a 100xLife mentality to navigate it?
Nancy Dayton (43:10)
Well, it kind of goes back to, what we were talking about earlier in that I've learned to hear that somebody is saying something that I used to say, that's not true, or that's, you know, that's not the case. But I've learned to instead.
respond with a question to understand it better because usually it's a misunderstanding between two people. if you take the time to not become offended, but to ask a question to help you understand where that person is coming from, it won't go down a negative path. It'll...
Rob Dayton (43:39)
Yeah.
Nancy Dayton (43:56)
allow your relationship to go deeper because you are taking the time to understand that loved one better. that's where my mind is right now, out of the season that I'm in. it's not just the holidays coming up. I'm just in that mindset to make sure that I am understanding my loved ones and asking
instead of getting frustrated or offended.
Rob Dayton (44:28)
one might characterize what you were saying is that's the family gym, the a 100x life family gym and learning to love them. you've created the perfect mindset. You've got some great strategies. Then stuff happens.
⁓ You're going to be in the gym. So that's so don't waste the workout but don't waste the the the tension the pain of the conversation the struggle of the conversation to Actually grow look at it. here's my opportunity to grow. How can as Nancy is saying how can I ask a question? How can I be curious? How can I be loving? How can I? avoid words disempowering words like yes, but or No, that's not true
Nancy Dayton (45:11)
next.
Rob Dayton (45:14)
And you maybe say instead and, or another possibility, you know, something empowering it's going to help you overcome anything more on that, Nance.
Nancy Dayton (45:26)
Yes, for sure. And the upgrade is you have a deeper, better relationship with that family member. Absolutely, every time when you take the time to do this, you're gonna go deeper and it's gonna be like a better life, a better ⁓ family dynamic, closer friends with your family. It's just wonderful. Like this is what I learned.
Rob Dayton (45:49)
service.
Nancy Dayton (45:55)
I've actually learned how to do this because of my relationship with my daughter. She's taught me over the last, I would say, three or four years how to improve in this area because she challenges me. And it's been beautiful. we have, we just, our relationship just keeps getting better. So, yeah.
Rob Dayton (46:14)
You've been in the gym with her. And then,
and then I would say, be reconciled with your brother. Again, why is Jesus asking us to do that? He's asking us to do that is because that's where the abundant life is. That's where the freedom is. And so you're just, what you're saying, Nancy is, Hey, this is where the love increases. This is where I get to have a better life. Even though it seems hard, this is where we want to go because this is going to be the best for us, the most oxygen, the most satisfaction.
the most feeling of love for the people that are in relationship with us.
Okay, guys. Well, Nancy, thank you so much for this conversation. It's been a joy for me and I was looking forward to having it. And guys, next week, we are gonna be talking about gratitude. So that will end our three-part series on preparing for the holidays. We're gonna talk about gratitude. So you got mindset, then you're thinking about, okay, so what are the triggers? What are the things I'm going to actually anticipate that probably will set me off?
imagining, fantasizing, you can use that word about how I'm going to respond to those things. And then how do I, how do I really implement that through the practice of gratitude? It's going to be really good. I hope you enjoy it and thank you so much. We'll see you next week.
Nancy Dayton (47:31)
⁓