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Alison Kendrick and Matthew Bivins are nerds with ADHD talking about TTRPGs (and anything else that crosses their minds at any given moment).
Alison: Okay.
Okay.
Matt: Okay.
Alison: You wanna record
a podcast with me?
Matt: Recording podcast today
Where is, I wonder where is the
intersection between um, ADHD and OCD?
There are some.
Alison: There have to be,
Matt: That is for ding dang sure
Alison: But I, I would think it would
be more on the, the impulsive/compulsive
side of ADHD, which you tend
to lean not in that direction.
Matt: I know.
Isn't that weird?
Alison: But when, okay.
Okay.
Here's a question and let's get
Fitz on one day to ruminate on this.
Matt: Yeah.
Alison: What is the difference between
a hyper-fixation and a compulsion?
Discuss?
You know,
Matt: That is a good question.
Mm-hmm.
Alison: I don't know.
I don't, I don't have the
answers, so I guess it could
come up with some hypotheses and
have science destroy them all.
Matt: She destroyed me with science.
Alison: She destroyed me with.
Matt: Uh, we have a topic
Alison: We do.
Matt: As suggested to us by our friends in
the Discord, specifically our friend Tey.
What is that topic, Alison?
Oh, we haven't done
Alison: Yeah… know,
Matt: any introductions or anything.
We
Alison: Nah, let's get,
we gotta roll dice.
We have to, we have to say, hi Matt.
Matt: Hi Alison.
Alison: Welcome to my podcast.
Matt: Welcome to my podcast.
I'm so glad you could join me today.
Alison: This, of course, is the
podcast ADHd20, where we try and find
the intersection between ADHD, and
Matt: and TT
Alison: TTRPGs.
It's not like we haven't done that like
27 times already, but here, here we are.
Do you know what?
Do you know what today's episode is, Matt?
We're in double digits!
It's episode 10
Matt: Dang.
Alison: of our second season.
So I mentioned on the last episode
that I just went on vacation with
my family and while on vacation with
my family, I mentioned to my brother
whose name is also Evan, uh, that I
have, you know, a podcast about ADHD.
And he asked how long we've been
doing it and I was like, well,
we're in our second season.
He said, well then it's not a
podcast about ADHD cuz anybody
with ADHD wouldn't be able to do
20 something episodes of something.
And I said, haha, but but!
It's our hyper-fixation.
Matt: It is.
Alison: And he said, okay, that tracks.
So on that note, Matt, I'm about
to surprise round you real quick.
Matt: Uh, oh, boy.
Oh
Alison: Oh boy.
I have an I, I surprise you.
You surprise me.
Matt: Give and take a little
Alison: What if, every week on ADHD 20.
At the beginning, we just quickly shared
what was our hyper fixation for the week.
What was the thing that you hyper fixated
on the most this week, Matt, right?
Matt: I love that.
Yeah.
That's a fun one.
Alison: Yeah.
I'm asking you though.
Matt: Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Uh, undoubtedly, it, it is actually,
uh, usually editing the, this podcast.
That's, that's a, that's a pretty
rock solid way to get into hyperfocus.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: Also, uh, I have been working
very hard on my RPG methodology.
Alison: Ooh.
Matt: So, uh, I did definitely
have some hyper fixed mornings
where I was like, I can fix this,
I can do this, I can make it.
And I did.
I did.
Uh, those are my two.
Alison: Nice.
Matt: That's enough.
Alison: That's enough.
That's enough hyper fixations.
I think this week my hyper
fixation was definitely Patreon.
We
Matt: Mm-hmm.
Alison: We decided to give our own darling
little Patreon a little glow up this week.
And I spent a lot of time in
there and it was a lot of fun and
there's a lot more I'm gonna do
and can do and can't wait to do.
Um,
Matt: Yes, yes.
Alison: Yay fun hyper fixations.
Matt: Part of your dreams and goals for
Patreon, we're hoping to have, say, live
streams of this, where we, everybody hears
all of this nonsense at the beginning and
the end and the middle of these podcasts.
Alison: That's the best part is that
people think that you and I actually just
talk for 30 minutes a week about this
and have no idea that all that we cut.
It's great.
Matt: Super succinct, like, I, to leave
in all of our, uh, Uhuh stuttering.
Just as the example that I
have ADHD and that, that's my,
that's my jam because man alive
Mm-hmm.
We cut out lot of it.
A lot of it.
So.
Alison: Um, well there's our new segment.
We'll see if I remember
to ever do it again.
Or if, if season two episode 10
is the one, time we bring it up.
But I think it, I think it would be
interesting week to week to see what our
hyper focuses change to and what's the
thing that's just kind of like, getting
us all hyper and juiced week to week.
Um, so thank you for humoring me there.
Now let's do the, uh, the D 100 table
and then get on, then get on with it.
Uh, you got your dice ready.
Get on with our lives.
Matt: Our freaking lives, man.
Alison: I'm rolling, for anybody
who cares, now that this is
also a video format, I'm rolling
with my Jester dice today.
Um, I love them.
Jester is my favorite Critical
Role character, of course.
She's just the cutest, the most
unproblematic, and the D 20.
It's a cupcake.
It's a sweet, when you land on
the 20, you get a sweet little
Jester cupcake, and I didn't Okay.
Enough of that.
Enough of that nonsense.
Matt: I even know about, I even
know about the cupcake thing.
Alison: I have rolled.
What did you roll?
Matt: A 28.
Alison: Wow.
This goes right along with
the segment we've had.
What is your current hyper fixation meal.
Matt: I actually have one.
Okay.
So let me first say, um, I don't, I
don't usually hyperfocus in that way.
I don't hyperfocus about food.
fact, it is very hard for me to eat
the same meals twice in, in a week.
Alison: Wow.
Matt: like, like consecutively,
like I eat, I could eat pizza
twice or something like that.
But they have to be very different pizzas,
Alison: Fair.
Matt: Uh, I know that a lot of
people with ADHD don't have that
problem, which is also cool.
I mean, people, some people just
like, get on a, I'm gonna have
beans and rice every night kick.
I can't do that.
However,
Alison: Wow.
Matt: I really, really love this meal.
We've been making it for a while.
Uh, it, it's fish, rice, and coleslaw.
Alison: Interesting.
Matt: Yeah, it's really good.
Like a little slab of
some, the fish can change,
Alison: Uhhuh
Matt: Rice with a little butter.
And then my coleslaw, which is
Alison: Hmm.
Matt: Made with Duke's mayonnaise.
Alison: Of course it is.
I, knew it was either made with Dukes
or like mayonnaise you made yourself.
I would do that, but my, cuz my hyper
fixation is putting fruit in things,
so I bet that would be good if you
did like a little, like mango or
like pineapple to the, to the slaw.
I bet that'd be good.
Mm-hmm.
Matt: Good.
Alison: Treat yourself.
Treat yourself well.
Well I'm glad to know you
have a hyper fixation meal.
There's something we don't
normally talk about from you.
Um, I rolled a 13.
Matt: A 13.
Alison what is your alignment IRL?
Alison: Oh, I love this question.
Um, you know, I think I
want it to be chaotic good.
It's definitely chaotic.
There's, there's no way it's not.
But I I think lately, cuz I entered
my villain era not too long ago.
I think I might be skewing
more chaotic neutral in this
current uh, iteration of Alison.
I'm not apologetic about that either.
But yeah, it's definitely chaotic.
I'm not a lawful girl and I don't
think I could play a lawful character.
So
Matt: Mm-hmm.
still in your villain phase.
I approve.
Alison: Well, I've moved out of my
villain era and into my delusional era.
But yeah, we're, we're moving.
I'm just like Taylor Swift and really
moving through the eras here lately.
Matt: Amazing.
Amazing.
Okay.
So what are we going to talk about today?
Alison: So we polled our lovely
audience in Discord this week,
uh, with our favorite question.
What kind of topics do you like?
Got some good ones.
Got some real good ones.
I love everybody's brains, man.
I really, really do.
Uh, and this particular question came
from our good friend Tey: I think you
might have touched on this a bit already,
but how about going in depth on things
that made y'all feel welcome to show up
as your whole self at a gaming table?
Or conversely, what will put your
walls up or make it harder to engage?
What are best practices for the
neurotypicals around you to make gaming
table rad for their neuro spicy friends?
Matt: Oh,
Alison: I, I I love everything about that.
I mean, obviously I love the spirit
in which Tey asked it, within the
lens of TTRPGs, like what can cause
us to just shut down in a game?
Has that ever happened to you?
Have you ever had a gaming moment
where you just kind of wanted to
like Homer Simpson into the bushes?
Matt: Yeah.
Alison: Do you wanna talk about it?
Matt: Sure.
Um, I, I've definitely had, I've
definitely had that moment as a Game
Master and, uh, it's, it's a little, okay.
It, it, it happened cause I felt like
all of the players were against me.
Alison: Oh,
Matt: So
Alison: think I know the
time you're talking about.
Matt: It wasn't a happy moment,
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: But I got very upset and angry.
Uh, and I didn't know what to do about it.
It, I mean, RSD right?
Like it was a full RSD attack.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: That I was feeling because
it wasn't like anybody was
doing anything particularly,
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: You were definitely
not attacking me.
Cuz as, as we've said many, many
times this game, the beauty of
it is that you can be yourself
and yet you're not yourself, so.
Wouldn't that apply to the Game Master?
Well, it should.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: There was, there
was this moment where,
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: I was just, had prepared this thing
and, my, creature or whatever it was or
the situation, I don't even remember.
I've, I've, I've put it outta my mind,
but it was, I was very, I got very, I.
Like, oh, oh boy, I got, I wanna stop.
Just like,
gotta, I feel so bad.
I, I, you know, I just kind of went
into myself and, it wasn't the best
feeling, but it was, it was a real thing.
And then, you know, we just discussed it.
Cuz that's the kinds of friends
that we are, if, if we weren't
kinds of friends that we are,
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: then that would be
a bad situation, right?
Alison: Yeah.
Yeah.
Matt: That could turn you off
of role playing games forever.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: So, you know, that's, so,
that's a bad side of this, right?
If if you don't, if you're
not in a safe space,
Alison: mm-hmm.
Matt: And there's so many, so many, so
many articles online, about making your
gaming table a safe space, as safe as
humanly possible, so many great ideas.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: This, mechanic called the X Card,
if something happens, you're, you're
not calling someone out, you're just
that says, this makes me uncomfortable.
Alison: Yep.
Matt: What is it called?
Veils.
Alison: Lines and veils.
Matt: Thank you lines and veils.
Uh, there are lots of systems out
there where, to make everybody feel
comfortable in, at, at a table.
And, and that time anytime that I've ever
felt weird, I've been able to talk about
it and say, Hey, you know, I felt weird.
Um,
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: How about you?
Alison: I know which time
you're talking about.
And I do remember that cuz I knew that
we were, I knew that we were off kilter.
I knew that we were off sync.
And that's never a good feeling
when you know that you're usually in
sync with a group to feel very like
why is, why is today raining chaos?
Um...
Matt: Yeah.
Alison: i, I'll say this because I
obviously we're not here to like talk
trash about anybody or anything, but
there have been other games, not the ones
that I play with you, um, but games I
played with other group were like, there's
a member maybe even two that like you
just don't jive with as a person, right?
Matt: Yeah.
Alison: And that's, that's hard.
And so there was, uh, not too long ago in
one of these games, one of the, people
that personally I just don't jive with
rolled up a new character and it felt
very like shoehorned in, it felt like
in rolling up this character and kind
of, because we were a very close party.
The party had been playing together for
years, So like we'd been through some
shit together and then suddenly there's
this newcomer here and we were kind of
like asking questions to determine if we
wanted this character in our party, but
suddenly it started to feel personal.
Suddenly it felt like it wasn't,
you know, our character's
asking another character thing.
I was like, are we okay?
Like, are we are?
Is this the people
asking the player things?
And that wasn't a good feeling.
Um, but again, part of me felt like
we were put in that position because
this particular player was kind of
trying to, to shoehorn something
new in just for the sake of it.
Matt: Yeah, yeah.
Alison: And, and that felt weird.
That felt bad.
That's, that's the, that's the, the
most recent example I could think of.
Matt: And, and we, we, we both
started off with negative ones.
But I can, I can speak to the positive
side of, of Tey's question which was,
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: what are things that have made us
feel welcome to show up as our whole self?
And I would say personally, it
is the, role playing abilities
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: of my group, right?
That includes you, of course, it
definitely includes my brother Evan,
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: includes our friend Fitz, and
includes our friend Matt Williams.
Like the fact that y'all are
always, almost always willing
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: to go for it to bring in the
emotion, to, to really try to put
yourselves into this character and what
the character would say, even if it
isn't what you would say is inspiring.
It always changes
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: what I am doing and saying.
It always does.
And, and when, when I play with Tey,
I can literally see him doing that.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: So I know same for him.
I
Alison: Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Matt: been in moments where like, that's
not what he was going to say, but he's so
inspired by what the players are doing.
It's these moments where you feel
comfortable shedding tears or these
moments that, uh, where, where a character
just kind of breaks, breaks down any
barriers and really talks real stuff.
We don't talk about him all that much,
but our friend Matt Williams, he's a dad.
He works in family ministry.
And, uh, to be honest, this is not
an insult in any way, but I, I would
not walk down the street and see
Matt and go, oh, that's a, that's an
excellent Dungeons & Dragons player.
And man, just some of my favorite moments,
the moments that I have, that has cemented
my love for this game are things that
he has said both out outside and inside
that he, he, he just comes up with.
It's so real.
It's so.
It's so meaningful, well thought
out, and it's so intelligent.
And that just to me, uh,
basically, and this is, this
goes, this goes in real life too.
If you are willing and able to sit down
with me even as a perfect stranger and
tell me real things about yourself,
I am, I am going to be interested.
I'm this before and I'm going to be there.
Right like immediately fascinated.
Alison: Tell me more.
Matt: ...already puts you in a
position where that's easier to do.
And then the players that
I play with are phenomenal.
Alison: I wanna, I wanna, yes, and so
much of that, Matt Williams really is
a master at acting as his character.
In fact, if you know Matt
personally, IRL and I, I do not
know a kinder, more gentle soul.
He is the epitome of a good
listener and a good friend, uh,
to, to all that he knows, right?
Um, And in the game, Matt
is a hothead and I love it.
Like I love it.
Yes.
He's a fire genasi and he, like, he
went off a few weeks ago in session
and I like, I mean my mouth was on
the floor cuz I just, I wa I wasn't
expecting it from his character.
So you're so right, like when a character
gives you something that you're not
expecting and then, and, and for it to
be coming from Matt Williams was just,
uh, the best kind of shock to the system.
I'm going to go even further back, uh,
for my "Yes, and" what's the positive
of like, what gave me permission?
I'm gonna go back in time to like our
first session of D&D when I didn't
know Jack Didley about how to play.
And we've talked about this a
lot on recent episodes of how
like I knew immediately and I
will credit you, Evan and Fitz.
Because like I, my wish is that
everybody in the world would get
to play Dungeons & Dragons with
Evan Bivins and Anna Fitzgerald.
Matt: Mm-hmm.
Alison: Because they are just, they're
so wacky in such a beautiful way.
And so it's, it's almost like when you
see somebody, that level of unhinged,
I swear this is an, is a compliment.
It gives you permission.
When people say like, what advice can
you give to newcomers and first time
players or people who haven't played
in a while, it's always get a ringer.
Get somebody in your group who knows
what they're doing and play with them
because no shade to being a newbie.
I never felt shade, but I knew
I didn't know what I was doing.
And if I hadn't had y'all there to
show me those ropes and to be weird
and wacky and vulnerable and, and
just like hand me that permission slip
into the journey of my imagination,
um, we probably wouldn't be here now,
having this podcast playing every week.
And thank you to, you know, our
original, um, Dungeon Master
Jeff Melando for fostering that.
Because he made it very clear the kind
of table that he wanted to run was
one that we could, we could go for it.
That, that the focus was gonna be on the
characters, the game, enjoying our time
with each other And I think Tey does that.
You definitely do that Matt, whether
it's a one shot or whether it's gonna
be a campaign or a mini campaign
to sit down with your players
in some kind of a Session Zero.
And to get the goals and to say,
what kind of player do you wanna be?
What kind of session
do you wanna have here?
Is this a focus on combat?
Is this a focus on role playing?
Um, do you like puzzles?
And then something else that you
said that can kind of segue into
the real life aspect of this , and
it's something, you know, I've been
mulling over for the past couple weeks.
I mentioned on our last, episode
that I, I took a, a family
vacation that didn't go well.
And, and I don't wanna harp on that,
but I've been thinking, you know,
you think about these things, right?
And you think about like, what could
I have done differently and what, and,
and I thought about it honestly through
like the lens of my neuro spiciness.
Especially because I had a conversation
with my mom about the fact that my
dad has undiagnosed ADHD and that
hinders my relationship with him.
It hinders a lot of different things.
And she was asking me a similar
question to this of like, what can I do?
Like, and so I think you kind of
touched on it at the beginning
where you said like having that
conversation outside of the game.
So obviously if, if like tensions are
high and we're not speaking the same
language in game, having the wherewithal
just to say, we're gonna get through
this, we're gonna take a break, and
then coming back later and saying like,
What could I have done differently?
And that was, that was a big
piece of advice I gave to my mom.
And that I give people with me personally,
like when I get really riled up about
something, it is hard to stop that train.
So don't try, like, and I know when I
get to that level of anger, emotion,
sadness, whatever that, that peak
level is, I know to, to remove myself.
I know myself enough to know that like
I just need to step away and take a
breath and like, please don't push me.
But if somebody can come back to me
later and, and, and say like, okay,
what could we have done differently?
Like where did, where,
where did we go wrong?
Um, calmly trying to
have that conversation.
But a lot of people are
so afraid of conflict.
I feel like, and maybe this just comes
with our age, that they never want to go
back and have that conversation because
they don't wanna reopen that can of worms.
And I'm kind of like, if, if I'm calm,
like we can have that conversation.
If I'm riled up , we cannot
have that conversation.
Matt: Right.
No, really good at that.
You're really good at that.
Alison: And I think, too, one realization
that I've had, and I think this is
a generational thing, I, uh, this is
not shade at my parents, but rather
the people of Okay, Boomer Generation.
Is is and something that makes
you, Matt Williams, Evan, Fitz, Tey
really good D&D players and Dungeon
Masters is why you're listening.
Are you listening with the intent
to respond or are you listening
with the intent to understand?
I think you and Tey as Dungeon Masters
do an exemplary job of this, where
you're listening to us, you're not
like, you know, I know it sucks, Matt,
when like, we tear down your plans
Matt: Yeah,
Alison: know, but, but you prove
over and over again what's what
we're supposed to do, right?
We're supposed to go off those rails.
But like that ability in game or
in conversation, if we're talking
about real life again to pivot and
say, what did that person just say?
And, and respond to that instead
of what you wanted to say,
the point you wanted to make.
And I just, I think what the people that
I never feel heard with are the people
that listen with the intent to respond
to me, to make their opinion known
rather than to hear what I just said.
So there's my diatribe there.
Matt: I love that.
Gosh, that's amazing.
And uh, that was probably the lesson
that I enjoyed learning the most in
improv, my year of improv schooling.
it's ironic how many tools,
rules and tools there are.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: for improv comedy.
They're all like that.
that.
I mean, if you come in angry.
It's not gonna be good.
If you don't
Listen to understand and then, and
then be able to respond no matter
what you wanna say, and you can tell.
Yeah.
Anyway,
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: That's huge, huge
compliment, that you just gave me.
And I really, really, really appreciate
that, because not only as a performer,
you know, I, I, I'm not an improviser
anymore, but I, I did take that to heart.
But then with ADHD that is,
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: That is a known challenge, which
is, I, I have something to wanna say.
Well, what if the conversation moves?
Or what if it doesn't really suit for
you to say what you want it to say?
You have to let it go.
It's, it's it's
Alison: Oh,
Matt: Thank
Alison: it sucks
Matt: you.
That, that, that made me feel good.
Alison: Oh, but I meant it, I wasn't
just, I promise I was not blowing smoke.
Matt: I can tell.
No, I, I can tell, I can tell.
You've started to dive in to the
second part of this question,
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: The, the practices for
making a gaming table more rad in
Tey's words, uh, for neuro spicy
Alison: Yeah.
Matt: and, and that's, that's a big one.
I think that's a big one uh, that can
apply to anybody really, but especially
if you know for a fact that somebody has,
you know, an impulsiveness, for example,
just like understand that maybe you might
need a to, to have a little more patience.
Why are you laughing?
Alison: It's me.
Matt: And see this is why
we are such dear friends.
We are, this is why
we're such dear friends.
This
Fitz and you have become such dear
friends, is that you, you do have, that.
You, I mean, you do, you
have the impulsive side.
You do I can see it.
I can, I could feel, I can literally
feel it in can see and feel that,
like I gotta say what I wanna like.
And, and sometimes your,
your brain won't...
you just can't.
You cannot not.
Right.
You
Alison: yeah, yeah,
yeah,
Matt: Uh, but we are like, yeah,
that's, that's, that's okay.
That is okay.
We accept you.
Um, now is so funny cuz I was, I
was talking to Lindsay yesterday
about this and just things, things
that people with disabilities
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: Uh, traits with
disabilities might have.
Mannerisms, that would make it
impossible for you to be their friend.
Right?
And of course that's going
to be a sliding scale.
And, and you came up as an example
of of just someone that I know a
challenge for you is impulsiveness.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: And I said, we
just, we just love her.
We just love her.
That's what it is.
I mean,
Because knowing is half the battle
and there's things that I, know
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: That are challenges for me,
that become challenges for y'all.
Probably a lot of it's time blindness,
but, There's a lot of stuff.
There's stuff, but you love me, right?
Like that's,
So at a gaming table, just understand.
And, if you are, if you are the neuro
spicy person, um, within reason, like
don't, don't make it all about you,
but come in and say, Hey everybody,
this is the way my brain works.
So if this happens,
just don't be surprised.
You know, we've said this before,
but like, can you put yourself
into someone else's shoes?
That is I, that has got to
be number one skill to learn
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: your lifetime.
I think,
I don't know.
I don't know.
A better skill.
I don't know one that, that
is more important as you age.
I don't know one that's, that's
more important to have lasting
friendships and relationships.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: I don't know.
And I'm not
saying that I'm perfect at it.
By stretch, but it's, it just,
it seems like every communication
issue comes down to that, right?
Alison: Yep.
And like the more you're able to do
that, first of all is like to try and
say what are they experiencing right
now that is making them act that way?
Matt: Mm-hmm.
Alison: And then the more you're
able to recognize how people treat
me, has very little to do with me
and everything to do with them.
Matt: Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Alison: You know, we've talked a little
bit, we've skimmed the surface on
rejection sensitive dysphoria, RSD.
Um, I think we could go
miles deeper on that one.
Um, but I used to care like in a
debilitating, borderline, non-functional
way, what people thought of me.
Just like waves of tears
throughout high school because
of people that didn't matter.
Like that was the funny part of it too.
It wasn't even like it was my close
friends, you know, I would get hung up
on like just little one-off comments.
And the older I've gotten, the more
I've realized that never was about me.
People always see their insecurities
on display, so the thing they
disliked about themselves is the
thing that they're gonna pick on.
It's basic human nature.
But, you know, 14, 15 year old
adolescent brain couldn't parse that
and, you know, shouldn't have had to.
Um, but yeah, the older, wiser version of
myself now says, first of all, whatever
they're doing, however they're treating
me right now is a reflection of how
they feel about themselves, not me.
And second of all is, is the like, and
what are, what's going on with them?
Are they, I mean, I joke I'm
not that hard to figure out.
If I'm being cranky pants, I probably
am hungry, like I probably haven't
had enough water or enough sleep.
And I think a lot of people are like that.
I don't think I'm alone in
that behavior sometimes.
Matt: Yeah.
It's.
Isn't it interesting because, I
know that, I know that ever since
we started this podcast, I do tend
to armchair diagnose everybody
Alison: Yeah.
Matt: 10 times more than I ever did.
And I, I'm not proud of that.
I'm not proud
Alison: Yeah.
Matt: But I will say this going
along with what you just said,
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: It really, really is a part
of my journey to try to understand
other people in their shoes, right?
I run up against people that I have had
a very difficult time befriending...
and they drive me nuts or,
uh, things about them, can't,
I just cannot jive with.
Alison: Yep.
Matt: It does, it does help me to
try to say, okay, but why, like, do
they have an undiagnosed something
Alison: Yeah.
Matt: You know, it's just trying to
figure out how we relate to the universe.
Alison: Is anyone neurotypical?
Matt: I just,
Alison: We have doubts.
Matt: other I think that's the other
thing we're gonna discover is no
Alison: Nobody.
Nobody Exactly.
Matt: I like it.
Alison: But, you know, I think that
you touched on something really
beautiful though, Matt, that like,
as I'm thinking through this, I
think that you guys all credit to
you for creating a, an environment
that both modeled good behavior.
You know, yes, I have ADHD, but
I can get stuff done or whatever
the case is, and that, I'm gonna,
I'm gonna love them through it.
Because when you put somebody, especially
somebody who is neurospicy, especially
somebody who is prone to RSD and to
just kind of, I mean, I used to just
make mountains out of mole hills.
People would not mean anything
by the thing they would say.
And somehow I would turn it into
this big dramatic, oh, so you
hate everything about me and you
don't want anything to do with me.
And like, because they said like,
Hey, can you, like, I have a
headache, can you keep it down?
You know, or whatever the case might be.
But like in those situations, I
wasn't being loved through it.
I wasn't being met where I was.
I wasn't, I, these people were
listening with the intent to respond
and react instead of understand.
And so to kind of go back to the
original question of, of like, how can
we help make people feel comfortable
at a table, meet them where they are,
see them as they are, honor that.
And then, you know, and I think I get
this both as a neurospicy type and the
newest, you know, in our little microcosm,
at least newest to the D&D community.
remember what it was
like to be the new kid.
So I'm constantly trying to find ways to
make the other new kids, you know, one
of the things that we've rolled out is
we wanna start doing these one shots.
And I am screaming from mountaintops cuz
I've had so many people say, I wanna play,
but I don't have a way, like, I don't have
an interested party or things like that.
Or, you know, the people who are
like, oh, but I'm, I'm, I'm so
intimidated, you know, I'm not a
good actor, I'm not a good performer.
I don't, you know...
again, just trying to meet those
people where they are and say, okay,
but what questions do you have?
Like how, how can we bridge this gap?
How can I take you by the hand?
Because remember that's what I need.
Remember, I don't like to
walk into new rooms by myself.
That's where my friends are always
gonna have to usher me through that.
So I try and be that, that kind soul
in return to be like, I will meet
you at the door of the proverbial
dungeon where we will go play
Matt: It's with a welcome sign
Alison: And I will walk you in.
Exactly.
Yes.
And a halberd.
Uh, and I will walk you.
That's all.
I think that's all we need, man.
Somebody to meet us at the
door and walk us inside.
Matt: Yes.
There is an a, an absolute fact for
anything that has anything to do with
accessibility or inclusion in, the world.
There is one rule that kind of
tops everything, and that is do
not be afraid to ask questions.
And that is the, the
symbolic reaching out a hand.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: And I understand this too,
I get it, but some people are
so terrified to ask questions.
you know, Especially of Lindsay, who
who is, you know, profoundly deaf.
I get, I get that even more, but
even me, like, just ask, don't
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: Chances are unless you are
out outright trying to be insulting,
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: There isn't anything
that you can do to insult
yeah.
If you just ask the question.
There really isn't.
So,
So that's, that's a game table,
or that's restaurant, or a
theater or any damn place, man.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: Just ask.
Alison: We should, we should just,
like, make buttons, you know?
I'm neuro spicy.
Ask me and just let the whole world
Matt: That's a t-shirt.
Ask me why.
Ask me why.
I'm neurospicy, ask me why.
That would be amazing.
I want that so bad now.
Uh, yeah.
I love this.
This is good.
This is good.
I hope that this answered Tey's question.
Yeah.
He knew the answer to it already,
but, but I love talking about this.
Alison: Yes.
Thank you, Tey, for an
excellent, excellent question.
And I always like the questions
that straddle, you know, ADHD, and
and D&D so perfectly, and this one
hit it out of the park, Sir Tey!
Matt: I love that.
I love the ones that straddle D&D, ADHD
and then outside of D&D at the same time.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: Like, like this one.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: Yeah, you could, yeah.
Yes, yes.
You could definitely
replace gaming table with.
Alison: Mm-hmm.
Matt: Taking someone home to
your parents for Thanksgiving?
Alison: Yes, for
Thanksgiving, specifically.
Matt: Yeah.
Unless you Thanksgiving.
Like me.
Christmas, uh, Hanukkah.
Alison: Yeah.
Matt: All of the holiday, any holiday.
Alison: Pre President's Day, Memorial Day,
Matt: Day, Memorial Day.
Alison: Indigenous People's Day.
Now we're just naming holidays.
It's time to end the episode.
Matt: We're just exactly there.
It's uh, what's your
usual, usual sign off?
start naming, we just
start naming holidays.
Wow.
That's
Alison: I, uh, I have been thinking
hard about like we do need a sign
off or a catchphrase and you know,
our friend Jax, Jaclyn Havington
came up with a really great one.
Matt: Yeah.
Alison: Neuro Spice and Rolling Dice.
Matt: Let's test it out.
Thanks, Alison for, for j
joining me on your podcast.
Alison: Matt, thank you for
having me on your podcast.
Matt: And thanks everybody for
listening and, and, and don't forget.
Oh yeah.
And thanks everybody out there
for listening, don't forget.
I can't do it.
You do it.
You can do it better.
Thanks everybody for listening.
Alison: Uh, Thanks everybody for
tuning in to our podcast about
Neuro Spice and Rolling Dice.
Matt: that's pretty good.
It's always that, that's
just even if we have Nice.
Alison: In a world where you can be
anything, be neuro spice and rolling dice
Anytime you can in a world
something, it's always
Matt: be neuroscience and
Alison: And rolling dice.
Oh,
Matt: Oh my God.
Alison: We'll keep work shopping, but
I think we're onto something here.
Matt: We gotta work on it, but
yeah, it'll, it'll be there.
Okay.
Awesome.
Alison: Live, laugh, love neuro.
Okay, I'll stop.
Matt: Love it leave it.
Thank you for listening and being
a part of our ADHd20 family.
If you're looking for more, we'd love
to see you in our public Discord server.
Look for the link in our show notes and
come join the chatter about all things
TTRPG and ADHD, but also TV, music,
pretty much anything on our minds.
Alison: We also have a Patreon where
you can get access to bonus content
and outtakes, be the first to hear new
episodes, join us for live streamed
recording sessions, and even play Dungeons
and Dragons with us and our friends.
Matt: The best way you can help us
though, is just to share this podcast
with people you think will like it.
Alison: Thank you for being a pal!
To us as people, to ADHd20 the podcast,
and to the greater Bivins Brothers
Creative Commonwealth of Nerds.