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Listen as Kathy Schoonover-Shoffner shares her story of her husband’s traumatic brain injury and the deep challenges that followed. Kathy reflects on suffering, faith, and how God met her with strength, hope, and presence in the midst of uncertainty.
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Creators and Guests
Host
Lara Kay Kaiser
Lara is an Associate Director of Student Ministries for InterVarsity's Nurses Christian Fellowship. She lives in Jacksonville, FL with her husband, son, and two cats. After graduating from Michigan State University in 2012, she came on staff with InterVarsity as a campus minister and then area director in southeast Michigan before joining the NCF team. Her hobbies include indoor rock climbing, volleyball, crocheting, and hanging out at the beach.
Guest
Kathy Schoonover - Shoffner, PhD, RN
I serve as the Director of InterVarsity's Nurses Christian Fellowship/USA and Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Christian Nursing. I am married with three adult children and live with my husband and cat in Wichita, Kansas. Bible study is my lifeline; I participate in a weekly, in-depth study that offers accountability and guidance into the Word of God. I love playing the piano, assisting with worship, and exercise at the local YMCA. Education BSN -- University of Texas, Arlington, Texas (1979) MSN -- Oral Roberts University Anna Vaughn School of Nursing (1982, Clinical Nurse Specialist in Critical Care Nursing) PhD, Nursing -- University of Kansas (1995; minor in Communication Studies with emphasis in Organizational Communication)
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Nurses, Students, and Educators -- Nurses Christian Fellowship is here for you as you follow Jesus in nursing! It’s a struggle to stay spiritually grounded with a heavy and stressful workload. What does it look like to be cared for by Jesus in a job full of daily challenges where you can also be surrounded by all kinds of trauma? Maybe you’ve wondered how to offer spiritual care to patients or how to face an ethical challenge. We will be hearing inspiring stories from nurses and students and getting sound, faithful advice from experts on these topics and more.
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Hey y'all and welcome back to Following Jesus in Nursing. We're in season 3, Finding Hope in Hard Places, and today we're joined again by Dr. Kathy Schoonover-Shoffner, National Director of Nurses Christian Fellowship and editor of the Journal of Christian Nursing. And today she's sharing a deeply personal story of sudden tragedy and what it looks like to trust in God when answers don't come. Our Scripture for today comes from Psalm 34:18.
Lara:Let's begin with a prayer. Lord, draw near to those who are hurting today. When shock, grief, or confusion leaves us without words, help us rest in your presence. Remind us that you are close even in the deepest pain. Amen.
Kathy:My knee jerk response was to run to him, and the officer tried to stop me and she said, "You can't go back there." I have never been through that kind of trauma before. I've been frightened in different times in my life, but I couldn't think. I couldn't process. Your brain just kind of freezes. Your body freezes. And all I could get out were these words, "Jesus, I trust in you." That was all I could say. You know, God's original plan for creation was that we wouldn't suffer like this. This isn't the life we were meant to have, but it doesn't stop God's purposes in our lives.
Kathy:The Word of God can continue to go out boldly and without hindrance despite severe traumatic brain injuries and changed marriages and changed lives.
Lara:Welcome back, Kathy. We just have had so much fun doing all of last season with you that we had to have you back on again this season.
Kathy:We did have fun.
Lara:Yes. Especially for those listening for the first time today, would you just introduce yourself real quick and give us maybe nugget or two of what's happening in your life these days?
Kathy:Yeah. So I'm Kathy Schoonover-Shoffner. I'm the National Director for Nurses Christian Fellowship in the US, and I'm also the editor-in-chief for the Journal of Christian Nursing. I've been the editor of the journal for 25 years. And I've been the national director about 9 years.
Kathy:So my life is always fun. You know, a really cool thing in the last few months, I got back into camping. My husband and I have been camping for 40 some years and we sold our camper and we hadn't camped for a while. Then I thought, I really want to do this. And so I found a little small camper, an
Kathy:And so we've been taking that out or I've been taking that out around Kansas where we live, and we're actually gonna be able to spend Thanksgiving in our little R pod.
Lara:Oh, that's so fun.
Kathy:I know. It's just a cute little camper, and I can manage it.
Lara:Alright. Tell me you're not baking a whole turkey in that tiny little oven.
Kathy:No. I'm not gonna do a feast in a camper, but it's more the feast of being out in the woods in nature.
Lara:I love that. That's beautiful. Good place to be grateful.
Kathy:It is.
Lara:Well, thanks for catching us up a little bit. And now we're gonna jump into the deep end. So you have a pretty shocking tragedy that struck your life about 7 years ago. Could you just take us back to that time and share a little bit about what happened?
Kathy:Yeah. So I'd been the national director for just a little over 2 years and was just trying to absorb what that meant and being in that role and was working way too hard. And it was a crisp fall evening in October 2018. I was working at my kitchen table and I heard a knock at my back door, not the front door, the back door. And I thought, well, that's weird. And so I opened the door and there was a police officer, standing there with a gun drawn on me. I know it was really strange. And she said, "Are you okay?" And I go, Yeah. And then she said, "Do you know Richard Shoffner?" And I said, "Yes, he's my husband." And then after I had the door open, I heard my husband yelling in the backyard like a frightened animal. And my knee jerk response was to run to him. And the officer tried to stop me and she said, "You can't go back there." But it was a reflex reaction and I said, "Well, I'm a nurse" and I just couldn't stop running. So I get back there in the back of the yard and there's these two policemen. They're dragging Richard out of some big evergreen bushes that are at the back of my yard. And something horrible has happened. I tried to talk to Richard, but he was so disoriented, and he really couldn't respond to me. He didn't know me. There's blood on his face, and he's just fighting the policeman and screaming.
Lara:That's terrifying.
Kathy:It was. And I thought, "What's happening?" It's like he'd been beat up really bad or something. And so the Emergency Medical Services ambulance arrives, and they're putting him on a stretcher. And I'm trying to figure out what happened. And it suddenly dawned on me. Early in the evening, Richard had been sweeping locust tree pods off of our garage roof. I don't know if you know what locust tree pods, these huge, thick long seeded pods. They're a bane to our existence and every year we have to clean them up and he had been cleaning them up and he'd been up on the roof and the thought hit me, and I just yelled this out. I said, "Oh my God, He must have fallen off the roof." And I'll never forget the police officer asked me, the one that had the gun on me, she said, "Did you push him off the roof?" and that was like a ridiculous question. Why would I push him off the roof? Yeah. And then she said, "Well, have you and your husband been fighting?" And it was so crazy. And I remember just going into shock mode and they're trying to get Richard out and, you know, take him to the hospital. He's obviously been severely injured. He's walking, but his face is swelling and bloody and he's totally disoriented and screaming and yelling. And so couldn't figure out what the police, want? And so the EMS tells me they're taking Richard to the closest tertiary care hospital and the policeman says, "Do you want to ride with us to the ER?" and I remember thinking, "Well why would I go with you if you think I pushed my husband off the roof?" I thought, maybe they're going arrest me or something. I couldn't figure that out.
Kathy:So I chased the ambulance to the hospital and that started a really long, horrible experience. I learned that my husband had had a severe TBI, traumatic brain injury. It was a grade 3 diffuse axonal injury and he sheered the neurons throughout his brain. He had hemorrhages all through his brain: subdural, intracerebral, intraparenchymal, subarachnoid. And I'm saying all that because I just want you to understand it was severe traumatic brain injury, and he had multiple rib fractures and he had other bone fractures, his clavicle. He punctured a lung. He had a left orbital fracture on his skull. And I realized as all this came to me that night that this level of brain injury often ends in death or if the person survives, they're in severe persistent vegetative state. People don't survive this. They don't come out of this. And so this man I've been married to for 35 years at the time was gone from this fall.
Lara:That is a lot. That is a lot. How did you feel in those moments? Like physically, emotionally, spiritually? What was going on for you?
Kathy:Well, I remember everything just kind of froze. It's like time stopped. You feel like you're being punched in the gut and you can't breathe. And it was just, everything that became really surreal. And I have never been through that kind of trauma before. I mean, I've been frightened in different times in my life, but the emotional shock in a way kind of helped me because I couldn't think. I couldn't process. Your brain just kind of freezes. Your body freezes and you are like, Ah! and you're going through the motions, and I'm calling my children and, you know, call my pastor. What can I do? And I remember trying to pray and realized, you know, I'm a national director of NCF. I've been a Christian all my life. I've never had trouble praying ever. And all I could get out were these words, "Jesus, I trust you. Jesus, I trust in you." That was all I could say. And I kept saying that over and over and over for days. And it was all I could find the words to say.
Lara:The beautiful prayer. Really. I mean, sometimes it's the simplest prayers that I think are so beautiful in those hard moments when we just need to hold on to whatever we can, just cling to Jesus.
Lara:I mean, a lot of times when these really startling sudden, hard things hit our lives, I think that can send us into a little bit of a questioning or it can challenge our faith and challenge our sense of calling and you know, what does our faith mean in times of crisis? Did any of that happen for you? Were there any specific challenges there that made you question your calling or faith?
Kathy:Absolutely. You know, you think, Well, why would God allow this? Why is God doing this to us? My husband was a godly man. He worked as an internal medicine physician. He offered free medical care through a program in our city for people who have no health insurance. So he donated his time through this Project Access, and he also did a free medical clinic at our church. He taught Sunday school to little kids. He led the children's program at a local men's Bible study. So, I mean, this is a guy that's working for Jesus and working for the Lord and he's kind and, you know, your tendency is to say, why? Why is this happening? Why did God allow this? And what I came to realize is that there is no why. There is no answer to why horrible tragedies occur. Why is not a good question because, you know, maybe you can find some answers, but really there's no answer when something this horrible happens, when something this difficult happens. And I came to learn a better question was to ask, "What next? What next? What do you want to do next, God?" It was a sort of, how do I move on? How do we move on? How do we move forward? And my husband survived, of course, and he returned physically to full functioning. He is now mentally disabled. But so, what next?
Kathy:What does God want to do now? And I'll be honest, even to this day, you know, when you live with this, like my husband's here, but he's not here. You know, it's this ambiguous loss in my life. You know, I still want to say why? Why did this happen? Why are you doing this? And the Lord just reminds me that He's here and so I need to say, "Okay what now God? What's the next step?" And I suppose the why will be shown someday in heaven or something. So yes, of course, it caused me to question my faith. Why does a good God allow evil in the world?
Lara:Yeah. Especially to such a good kind person. I mean, he sounds like such sweet guy. Why would that happen? Another good helpful question for us to ask in moments like this is what is God doing or where is God in this? So looking back now, how do you see God's hand in that season?
Kathy:Well, and remarkably, some things happened that were just could only have been God when he was still in the intensive care unit, and we weren't sure if he would live or die. I got a card in the mail from my daughter. I have a daughter that lives in California and it was a card from her boyfriend's parents. So think about how far removed this is, my daughter's boyfriend's parents. And I come from a Protestant tradition and I'd never heard of this, but the card was from a Catholic order of the Marian fathers about the divine mercy. I've never heard of that before.
Lara:I haven't either.
Kathy:Yeah. So the divine mercy is a message and a vision this young Polish nun had of Jesus around 1931. And she saw Jesus in a white robe. There were two rays of light kind of coming from his heart area. One was red and the other was kind of this paler whitish blue, and they represent blood and water. And she felt Jesus telling her to create a painting of this image and to put these words at the bottom, Jesus, I trust in you.
Lara:Wow.
Kathy:And so I get this card and I open it and here's this picture of Jesus. And at the bottom of the card, it says, Jesus, I trust in you. And I remember just the Holy Spirit speaking to me saying, you can trust me. That had been my simple prayer. The only thing I could That pray
Kathy:That was my prayer. And it's not like I pray that all the time. I mean, you know, in your prayers, sometimes you say, oh Lord, we trust you, but I'd never done that before. Jesus, I trust in you. And I thought, you know, it was too coincidental.
Kathy:And, you know, these people far distant from me. And Jesus was, like, supernaturally saying to me, you can trust me. Keep trusting me. I know this doesn't make sense, but I'm with you. I'm with you. And so that was huge. That was very significant to me that that was the only words I could pray. And then I get this card and it's they had enrolled me in this divine mercy and these married fathers would now pray for my husband and pray for us every day for a year. You know, it was really, really sweet.
Kathy:Another just interesting thing that had happened, my son broke his ankle and had to have surgery the week before Richard fell and he had to drop out of school. He couldn't walk. I mean, he had this plate and screws put in his ankle. And what he and I both realized later is that that happened so that he and I could be together going through this crisis. So literally he's with me 24 hours a day, seven days a week. He was with me in the hospital when we went to rehab. We went to another state in Nebraska and Stephen's there with me the whole time with Richard. And so that was a poor severe mercy for my son who broke his ankle. But, you know, for me and for him, that was a divine thing that happened so that we could walk through this tragedy together. So, you know, was God's hand in the season?
Lara:That seems like a very clear reminder that God was looking out for you.
Kathy:Yeah.
Lara:So as you reflect on your story in that season of life, what did you learn about yourself and about God?
Kathy:Well, a couple of things. You know, despite the awfulness, the horrible situation, God is at work. And that doesn't necessarily make the pain better, but it's so meaningful to catch glimpses of where God is working. You know, like the card that I got, realizing Stephen's injury was so that we would be together for this time to see that God continues to work. This trauma in particular, I had been dealing with some difficult problems and challenges at work and this tragedy, in light of this tragedy, these problems I was having that had been so big and overwhelming, you know, I thought, okay, I'm going to deal with this stuff I needed to deal with, stuff I needed to take care of.
Kathy:This tragedy emboldened me to make some changes and do some things that needed to be done. You know, again, did God allow this to happen because I was not making the changes? No. But it emboldened me to do some things because I could. You know, I was like, okay. Life's too short. We're gonna take care of these issues and make some changes.
Lara:Yeah. It changed you.
Kathy:It did change me.
Lara:The experience changed you.
Kathy:Yeah. And, again, you know, God at work, God taking tragedy and doing some good things, making good come out of evil. And, you know, we say, well, we know God everything works together for good for those who love the Lord. But when you're in the middle of these tragedies, you're like, what's the good? What's the good? You know, God does do amazing things. God does begin to work good.
Lara:I love that. So how can listeners pray for nurses and others who might be walking through similar seasons?
Kathy:You know, I think praying for God's mercy, that divine mercy, pray for it to be evident or somehow revealed in difficult situations. You know, I could have missed that God was working through my son's horrible broken ankle. I mean, it was a severe ankle injury and really set him back quite a bit. But to see that as God's divine mercy to help us be together in this, pray that you can see God's mercy. Pray that God's mercy is evident and that we recognize it.
Kathy:Getting the card that had my prayer on it, Jesus, I trust in you. I mean, that was pretty obvious, but just little things that I noticed. This sounds really funny, but the Kleenexes in the waiting rooms for the ICU are horrible. They're like, so crummy, such bad Kleenexes. And my daughter and I had this thought that we would buy Kleenexes for the waiting room.
Kathy:And so we went out and we got really nice Kleenexes and we started stocking the waiting rooms for several months. Aw. I'm not doing it now, but, you know, praying that we could see the little things and just being there with other families and their tragedies and sometimes their their loved one died and just being together with them. So, yeah, just praying that we can see God's mercy, not miss it.
Lara:Yeah. Well said. As we wrap up this episode today, what would you say are some of the key truths that summarize what you've shared today?
Kathy:You know, when I think about the life of the apostle Paul that we read about in the book of Acts and, you know, he wrote much of the New Testament, It really hits me that when your life is surrendered to the Lord, he's going to continue to make his Word, his message go out through you. And I guess what do I mean by that? So Paul was in prison. He was in chains. And aAts 28:31 says, that's the last verse in the book of Acts.
Kathy:It says boldly and without hindrance, he preached the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ. So here's a man who's literally in prison, although he's in his house. That's how he was imprisoned. He's chained to somebody and he's not supposed to be able to be preaching the gospel, but it's recorded. The physician Luke that wrote the book of Acts boldly and without hindrance, Paul preaches the kingdom of God and teaches about the Lord Jesus Christ.
Kathy:And so it hits me now when your life is surrendered to the Lord, He's going to keep making His Word go out through you. He's going to keep doing it. Paul's tragedies, the shipwrecks, the imprisonment, the beatings, and all that, he's still wholly without hindrance. The word of God is going forth. And I thought, you know, God wants to say something through my husband's life.
Kathy:The injury, as tragic as it is, and he can no longer practice medicine. It didn't stop what God wanted to say through him. The Lord arranged for him. He now volunteers at a Union Gospel Rescue Mission. And just yesterday, he got an award from the mission.
Kathy:This is so funny and cool. It just happened. He served 7750 volunteer hours at the Rescue Mission in the last few years. Now you think about a full time job, 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year, that's 2080 hours. So he served like over 3 times that many full time position volunteer hours, you know, and I thought, well, what does that say that boldly Without hindrance, Richard continues to serve?
Kathy:It just rains out. It shines out of him, servitude and caring and being Jesus' man. You know, maybe my life speaks God's message more now. It's less pleasant. I mean, my husband has expressive aphasia. He's really having trouble with cognition. They told me he'd be at high risk for dementias, Alzheimer's kinds of things. And I'm seeing that, but the word of God is still boldly going out without hindrance. God is unhindered. God can work through a brain damaged man, through a totally changed marriage.
Kathy:Maybe our marriage says more now what marriage is supposed to be. God making two, one flesh and they together serving God and Him doing remarkable things because He brought the two of them together. You know, maybe that's what our marriage says now. I don't know. I feel like maybe that's a word for the Lord for me. Boldly without hindrance. Keep preaching the kingdom. Keep teaching about the Lord Jesus Christ. You know, God's original plan for creation was that we wouldn't suffer like this. This isn't the life we were meant to have, but it doesn't stop God's purposes in our lives. The Word of God can continue to go out boldly and without hindrance despite severe traumatic brain injuries and changed marriages and changed lives.
Lara:Yeah. I love that. Well, I would really love for listeners to hold on to and remember this story and what you've shared today. So what's one word or phrase that people can hold on to that captures your story and what you've experienced?
Kathy:I thought about this a lot, and it's kind of a strange word, but what keeps coming to me is the word chiseled, like sculpted, chiseled. So I picture this stone that was taken out of a big rock, it's kind you've got a chisel, and you're kind of chipping on it and working on it and you're fashioning it and you're shaping it. I can't, you know, chiseling doesn't sound like fun, but I kind of feel now like I'm chiseled. My life is chiseled that God is taking me, taking my husband, taking our marriage, taking who I am, what I am, leading NCF, leading the journal. And it's like, he keeps chiseling to make this perfect, perfect rock, perfect thing.
Kathy:So it's both hard. I don't like the chiseling, but in the end, what is he sculpting? Like you think about famous beautiful sculptures and how they were made. What is he sculpting? What is he chiseling? I like the idea. I'm chiseled now. I'm being chiseled. So strange, but it really hits me that that can be a good thing. He's making something good.
Lara:Well, thank you so much, Kathy, for sharing more of your story with us today and just for the ways that you've reflected thoughtfully about it. And I love your conclusion that that God's message will go out. That we can boldly and without hindrance preach the kingdom of God and teach about the Lord Jesus Christ. I want to hold on to that verse. So thank you again for being with us today.
Kathy:Thanks for having me.
Lara:As we close today, one truth stands out clearly from Kathy's story. God is present in suffering even when there are no answers and no words. In some of the hardest moments, he invites us not to understand but to trust and to take the next faithful step. Kathy's story reminds us that God's purposes are not stopped by tragedy and that even deeply chiseled lives can still bear witness to his grace. Through weakness, loss, and uncertainty, God's Word continues to go out.
Lara:As mentioned before, Kathy is also the editor of our Journal of Christian Nursing where faith, scholarship, and nursing practice come together to support nurses seeking to follow Jesus in their work. You can learn more about JCN at journalofchristiannursing.com. A JCN subscription is included in our NCF membership which is $10 off for listeners using the code FOLLOWING. You can check us out at ncf.jcn.org. Thanks for listening to Following Jesus in Nursing.
Lara:If this episode encouraged you, please consider sharing it, subscribing, or leaving a review. And to our listeners, may you know the nearness of God and His steady presence wherever you find yourself today.