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Created by Roselis Cortez • Co-host: James Stanley
Seam Notes explores luxury as behavior
How you think, how you move, and the standards you hold when no one is watching.
This isn’t about status or appearance. It’s about composure, discernment, boundaries, and self-respect. The things that quietly shape how you live.
Through lived experience, we talk about growth, outgrowing environments, and learning to move differently without losing yourself in the process.
No performance. No exaggeration. Just real conversations about what it takes to hold your own.
New episodes every Wednesday.
Roselis (00:00)
This is Seam Notes. Taste standards and the decisions nobody sees. I'm Roselis, the creator of Seam Notes, with my co-host James. Most people are waiting for that moment where they get the house or the promotion or the car and are constantly working.
Towards the thing that's going to make them happy.
James (00:35)
Agreed. Whether it's career, family, kids. Exactly. Right.
Roselis (00:39)
The love of their life, the this the that and the other. And most people are frustrated or unhappy in that space. So what we want to discuss is that trajectory, that time of the looking over there.
To the what I want, the unobtainable or obtainable. Right? Where you are and how you do it and how you get there. Right. But what is it that makes us do that? Go to this place that all we're looking at is what's over there.
James (01:12)
Correct. Depending upon where you are.
I so this is a big one for me. ⁓ Roselis, you said they. They is me. I have spent the better part of my life and still do, and there's nothing wrong with that. You know, very goal-oriented, the thing. And for me, it is a lot about material things, but it's also about spiritual growth. I want that and I'm gonna be truly happy or peaceful, or I want.
The perfect partner, the perfect New York apartment, the perfect automobile, the career, the travel, et cetera. And all these things, which again, I will state, nothing wrong with. We can have great goals and really be ambitious. I am very ambitious. The switch for me, though, I think is what we're talking about here is just being aware that.
All of those things, the externals that we're looking for, and we're constantly balancing and rearranging throughout periods of our lives, prioritizing differently, thinking all the happiness is going to come, this eternal blissful happiness I'm speaking about. Not the happiness hits that we're used to. Because we have happiness hits. You have a great cup of coffee, you have great sex, ⁓ a vacation, et cetera. We we're familiar with happiness hits, but
Roselis (02:47)
Absolutely. Right. Yeah, yeah, Yeah.
James (02:53)
Sustainable, blissful happiness, we truly don't know what that is. And we spend our whole life looking for it. And we think if we can arrange all the externals, that's the ultimate happiness. But all of that is not going to give you a sustainable, blissful happiness. Again, they're hits of happiness. We've all been on a vacation and it rains. Or you fall madly in love and you're all over each other. And this person, what you're really saying is this person is going to make me happy forever.
Roselis (03:23)
And that's not the way it works. That is not the way it works. It's unsustainable, it is unsustainable.
James (03:24)
It's not possible.
So, we need to work on what is sustainable, and that is connecting to self as the word we use a lot in Seam Notes, standards. Right? Those preparatory things structure that really help us connect to self. Because once we are happy inside, continually happy inside, which we can be, the externals are that much more blissful. But we're really relying on self, regardless if the job pays off.
The partner pays off because they can't make you happy. We have to make ourselves happy. The job, the car, the sex, the money.
Roselis (04:06)
But see that's the thing. None of those external are the happiness. None of them are.
James (04:13)
But we're tricked into thinking they are, especially I think in today's world, more than at any time in history. Today we are taught, especially through our social media platforms, that happiness is in social media. Happy true happiness, guys. Here's the tip of the day. True happiness comes from Instagram.
Roselis (04:33)
Wow!
James (04:34)
And that's a whole nother level that we're adding on for the first time in history.
Roselis (04:36)
I had no idea. Have
no idea what is a true experience of somebody. I mean, we know that what we see in these platforms is going to be a very curated image of what they are. And a lot of times they do this take after take after take after take because they wanna have it perfect as the idea of the image. And then what's happening with that moment?
James (04:58)
It's not there. You're not even in it. You're not aware of it.
Roselis (05:02)
Because here's the thing. So you say this and we start this episode thinking about it. And it brings me to that historic happening of people that work their whole life in a job. They do a nine to five that they don't really enjoy, but is giving them the necessary things to
Save for the future, save for quote unquote retirement and do life that way because their plan is to enjoy life when they get to retirement. And then there's a few things that happen. You hear the story about the guy that stopped working and two weeks later had a heart attack and was gone.
Never went on the trips with the wife, never went to the football games with the children, never did any of these things. Didn't spend for a meal. Was fully focused on saving everything for what was gonna be over there. Which when he got to the over there, he didn't get to enjoy. Then there's the other guy that gets to that place, they retire, they don't die, but they're bored to pieces.
Because they never nurtured the inner self to get to know what they like, what their tastes are that truly gives them joy because they thought when I get to that place, it's all gonna magically happen.
James (06:41)
Some kind of switch is gonna happen and I'm gonna be this guy and this experience.
Roselis (06:45)
Exactly. And then it's not that. Do I want the ideal apartment? Do I want the bigger this or the larger that? Not necessarily I'm really happy with small spaces, but the idea of it, right?
James (06:59)
Bigger's better, you know. I knew I was gonna get her with that. ⁓
Roselis (07:05)
Okay!!! Bigger is better. No. But the idea that whatever it is that we aspire to is gonna bring us happiness is where I think this entire concept is wrong. Because first of all, one of the main things about taking care of self or about the luxury of living is being able to live in the moment.
And being able to enjoy life and get those hits of happiness that you speak of on a daily basis, based on gratitude, enjoyment, giving, appreciation, all of those things are the ones that encompass happiness. That we need to have those goals, that we need to set those things so that in the trajectory we have a direction to go into.
Absolutely. But it's not I will be happy when.
James (08:06)
Which is a major distinction because that is not gonna happen. You know, you we've all had the experience where we've got the thing and the thing, maybe for a moment, it's like, this is cool or this is wonderful. And then eventually it brought dare I say it, pain and suffering. The bigger house.
Roselis (08:26)
Mm-hmm.Mm.
And then what happens?
James (08:28)
Bigger mortgage
bigger maintenance, all of the all of the suffering expanded. And I'm not saying having these goals and going for these things aren't great. Do it. If it makes you happy to have the thing and the place and the experience, go do it. But what must change is drop the expectation of when I get it, I'm gonna be happy. Because that's not gonna happen. It is
Roselis (08:47)
Absolutely. That's when I will be happy
Because
James (08:58)
Like you said, in the trajectory, the journey, the steps, if we can stay in the moment, things change. So quick story. Recently, two things. ⁓ I have an aunt who we had to put into a home and broke my heart very close to her, like a second mom. This woman, an immigrant, worked like an animal her entire life, saved every penny, wouldn't go on a vacation, wouldn't turn the air conditioning on in South Florida.
Roselis (09:25)
that's crazy.
James (09:27)
I would say at my aunt's house, I'm like, aunt, I can't stay here. You gotta turn on the AC. And so she winds up going into a home, never spending a dime, guys. Never had a great meal, never traveled. I would try to take my aunt, let's go see the world. No, that's foolish. We're not gonna spend the money. So what happens? She winds up being put in a home her whole life. She never saw anything, anything, and the money did her no good. Right?
And the second part of this, when I went to see her recently, I decided on the plane to leave all of my expectations in New York. And I thought, okay, practice what you preach, James. Stop attaching to what I need. That's gonna make me happy. And what was gonna make me happy is my family saying, how great you are. I love you. You're so wonderful. I need their attention. I need thank you. I need their validation. I need them to be curious about my life, et cetera.
But I cannot tell you, I'm sitting on a plane and I instantly said, I'm not gonna have an expectation. When I get there, I'm gonna try to stay in the moment. And for two and a half days, I did just that. And it was life transforming. I just went and I was in each moment just really salivating and luxuriating in the moment.
Roselis (10:37)
But that is it.
You know, and that is it, right? Part of it is staying in the moment, and the other part is acceptance. Again, we're talking about the trajectory that is where the luxury and the joy and all of those things take place, not the when you get there, not the when this happens, et cetera, et cetera. Think about it in a intimate relationship or a partner.
You go into it, you're madly in love, you're in that, you know, blissful first six, seven, eight months that sometimes can turn into a couple of years. And then all of a sudden you find yourself where that little pink cloud comes down and you have this person with you and you go
James (11:40)
You're annoying me.
Roselis (11:43)
Why can't they put the glass back or close the drawer or put the dirty clothes in the bin? Why do they have to leave them on the floor next to the bin? And then you start doing the nitpicking thing. So who's suffering there? It's not the person who's leaving the thing on the side. It is you who has this
James (12:06)
You are creating it.
Roselis (12:11)
Expectation that this person is gonna meet all your needs, is gonna do the things the way that you want them to be done, and that then they must change to do it the way that you want it done in order to become the person that you fell in love with and that you were in that blissful stage for the first two years.
James (12:32)
Correct. And we want that
We want it but we want it forever. Our expectation is you will make me happy forever. And when you don't make me happy, then I'm not gonna be happy with
Roselis (12:42)
So I remember as a child I used to hear my mother say Cortez!!! and then she'd go through his whole litany of things that she wanted him to change and to be different. And he would just sit there and he'd listen to her and acknowledge her, and then he would still do the same thing he always did.
James (13:03)
Correct. Because did the person change that you fell in love with? No.
Roselis (13:06)
No it was always the same person.
But she wanted him to be something that he wasn't. Right? And so when I encountered those moments in my relationship, at first I was suggesting that things change, and then I went, it's not gonna change. And the only one that's really getting frustrated and unhappy here is me. Correct. So what does it take me
To grab the thing that's next to the basket and just move it into the basket. It bothers me. It doesn't bother him. And they're not gonna get there. I mean, maybe they get there by seeing it being done, but that doesn't necessarily mean that that's gonna happen. Correct. But what I'm saying is that that expectation, that desire to control and change another.
doesn't work.
James (14:06)
No agreed. And the happiness, we're talking about, you know, where the happiness is coming from. It's not coming from the partner. It's coming from here. Correct. Correct. That is so the ultimate happiness is giving to other.
Roselis (14:14)
And it's about giving.
Exactly. So when you're like, well, why is he not being so... first is what's going on? Because it could be that something's going on. And secondly, give what you want to get. Don't just be like, well, you're not. And again, this all has to do with when I get there, this is gonna be different. Because
If it's your expectation that other and that the thing and that the aspiring thing is what's gonna do it, it's not.
James (15:00)
It's not, it's gonna, it, we're leading ourselves up for disaster. And unfortunately, society has taught us that when we get the thing, the perfect partner and the perfect thing, we're gonna be blissfully happy, which none of it's true.
Roselis (15:13)
Here's
the other thing that I've observed at this stage of my life. A lot of my friends, a lot of the women that are going through the change in life. Our bodies change, our mind changes, our hormones change, everything changes. I've talked about this before. It happens. And you go from one body to another, seemingly overnight. And then you think, my God, I just have to work out more, eat less, change this, do that. But
I am not accepting this body that I'm in. And so they have a closet full of clothes that don't fit them. They have a frustrated morning trying to get ready because nothing is pleasing them at the moment. They're completely dissatisfied with their bodies. They want to turn off the lights in the middle of the day when they're being intimate with their partners, because that's the only time of day that they can do it. So they
Turn down the blackout shades because they don't want to be seen. Well you know what? You're gonna go through a period of time where these things are gonna happen.
James (16:21)
For sure. And it happens to men too, by the way.
Roselis (16:23)
So buy yourselves a few things that make you feel better. Find yourself a way of accepting this new you. If you're able to work with your hormones and work with your aging and lift the weights and get the thing done and get to a place where your body comes back down to a space where you want it to be. Fantastic. But don't go through years of this transition period.
not enjoying what it is.
James (16:54)
And not staying in the moment. We a very good point. You know, all of us age and we spend a lot of time thinking, ⁓ when I have the perfect body ⁓
Roselis (17:04)
I wanna recapture my youth. It's a different stage
James (17:06)
I mean it's
the reality is we are on a one way car to sickness and death. That's not changing. Except that we are getting older. This is who we are and love self for who we are. Not the image, especially again, I'll go back to Instagram where true happiness is found. ⁓ and I say that sarcastically, hopefully. ⁓ I eat healthy. I really want to try to stay in great shape. But the reality is I'm aging.
And there's nothing I can really do about that. I can help it along, slow it down a little bit and stay healthy, but really it's gotta be less about my appearance and how well I'm able to move, I'm not gonna be competing with a twenty something year old. I nor do I want to. Been there, done all that. You know. So, you know.
Roselis (17:55)
You know, how's my strength, my dexterity? Can I get up from a chair? Can I get down? Can I do all of these things?
I'm not saying don't face the sickness because I think that that is exactly what we have to do when we are in that space where something shows up. I mean, I can talk about the journey that I've had with autoimmune. What do you do? You have to deal with it, you have to accept it, you have to live with it, you have to learn how to live with it. But you don't have to be in a suffering state because of it.
When you say it in those definitive forms, it sounds like punishment and bye-bye. And like that's how the wording for me sounds that way.
James (18:49)
Yeah,
and The reality is it's coming. So we're talking about the peace inside or the happiness that's inside. The true connecting to self. The most important time when we must connect to self, when we have a plethora of things to go inside and sit within joy is when we need that strength from inside to face sickness.
To face death. So that reservoir that we're filling up and we're constantly going to and sitting with in peace and love and kindness and all the happiness inside, those are the tools that'll be most important when you're ready to check out.
Roselis (19:27)
And see, when I think about this in this sense, I mean when we talk about sickness at any time in life.
It's really so interesting when you meet people that are like, I am so sick and then there's the other one that's like, Yeah, well, I'm dealing with and then we gotta keep going. And that there's so much to learn from that. Because that's again acceptance, that is loving self. That is rolling with the punches, if you will. And that is really what life is, The luxury in life.
is being able to take all those curveballs, look at them and go, okay, what do I do with this now? It's not poor me. I should have done this, I don't deserve this, none of that. And again, I know we're deviating a little bit from the subject, but it does have to do with it.
Because if you get to that space where you go into retirement and suddenly you're immediately sick and you saved all that money to go travel, to go do to be with your family, to do all of those things and now you can't enjoy any of it.
James (20:45)
All the externals that we think will bring us happiness. all of those externals will go away.
You wanna be able to sit in happiness and joy, not suffering, not fear.
We're choosing to attach our happiness to the future that hasn't happened yet.
Roselis (20:59)
Exactly. I mean like and that's the thing, right? We create our own joy. We are the ones that decide whether we are going to do this as a joyous experience or not.
And so if we're in a job that we just absolutely detest, because it brings us all the money that we want in order to get all of those things, until you get there. What's happening to your life? To the life that you're supposed to
Be living in the trajectory.
we're not saying don't have goals or don't have
James (21:32)
Yeah.
And structure and responsibility, yeah.
Roselis (21:36)
Exactly. You know, we all have to, pay the mortgage do this, do that. But I'm gonna say something that may seem very superficial here But I remember my parents were given this set of beautiful hand blown glasses that were made in Poland, and they were all
etched with a toast in a different language. There was a set of eight of them. And they had this shimmery, radiating glow to them. And these little daisies. I still have one of them. And my mother gave them to me at some point after I had moved to New York. And I used them and they were so delicate that they broke. Right? And she was like, Oh my God
You've destroyed the glasses. And I enjoyed the glasses, and that's the point that I'm trying to make is don't save your good stuff for later. Because it's about enjoying the now. It's about you know the beautiful cup that means so much to you that you can like sip your espresso from.
James (22:28)
That's such a thing
Yeah.
Roselis (22:50)
That's gonna bring you in those five minutes, those five seconds that you spend doing that are the root of the whole moment
James (22:59)
⁓
Moment. They are that true happiness. Agreed, agreed. I one thousand percent I think a whole nother episode there, boy, holding on to things from your lifetime and not using them. You don't enjoy them.
Roselis (23:12)
But it is all about the here and now, you know, there's this saying if you're looking at the past with your right eye and the future with your left, today is just one crooked view So you have to or you don't have to. We choose to ⁓ stay in the here and the now.
James (23:14)
Correct, correct.
Which is not easy. I have to work at it. I really do. But I am getting it. That now is the moment. Like this that we're doing is the moment. Not in an hour from now.
Roselis (23:44)
Exactly. And James and I will never have this conversation this way again. We may talk about the same topic again with one another, off or on camera, but it's going to be different. Because the experience will be different. Because the we that we are at that moment will be a different
James (24:02)
The
mind is totally different then.
Roselis (24:04)
Right. And so it's never gonna be the same nuggets that we felt today. And so I always think about that. When I'm with people and I'm having dinner and I'm enjoying a moment, I think about wow, how fabulous it is that we're here because even if we recreate this dinner again, it will never be the same
James (24:25)
It will never be that moment again. Never
be. When I was with my cousins, I told you that I gave up these expectations. We're in a vehicle. I'm driving this Escalade and there are a pile of us of it. I mean pile. And we're driving on a stoplight, and I look in the rearview mirror and I see everybody chatting. And I tell everybody, Shut up. And I have a big voice. And everybody's like, what!!!. I'm like, guys, we haven't been together since we're children.
Just look around right now and feel the energy that's moving through here. How beautiful. Just realize this moment will not happen again. Right? And love this moment. And not feel bad that it's gonna dissipate, because we tend to do that already. We looking at it as, oh in an hour we'll be gone. It's gonna be over. No, just stay right here. We're at a stoplight in Boynton Beach, Florida. How wonderful. And enjoy each other.
Roselis (25:23)
And here's the thing, because you took the time to connect with that moment emotionally and be in the here and now at that time, you're able to look at it and go, What joy! It gave you so much that you can still derive joy from that memory. And that is exactly what we're talking about. That's exactly what we're talking about.
James (25:44)
I can, well because that's what's here. Exactly. A thousand
percent. ⁓ I love this point. We're talking about happiness out there. It's all sitting here. How? Because we've created a memory sometime. We all have a memory of happiness, something, that we can go to and sit with that. If you're not feeling happy right at the moment, it's just here. Go in. And I remember sitting at this stoplight, I can see it vividly and hear it vividly. And I immediately have a smile on my face and my heart feels full.
Roselis (26:14)
But again, it's because you were in the moment at that time and because of that you're able to see it. So really that's the importance. It's not look, we repeat, we love the externals. We love our things. We love the good job. We love the money that it brings.
James (26:30)
Travel,
food, all of it. SEX.
Roselis (26:33)
All of it. All of it.
James (26:37)
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Roselis (26:40)
We can see what's on his mind right now. ⁓ but it is not about that. It's about the trajectory. It's about being in the moment. It's about being appreciative of every moment, whether you want to see it good, bad, right or wrong. All of it is to be appreciated. Right. ⁓
James (26:42)
One thousand percent
Yeah. Okay. True. Good stuff.
Roselis (27:09)
So this week, when you find yourself thinking, when I get there, when I have this, when I whatever that is, bring yourself back to the moment. Take something that's within you to appreciate and bring yourself back to being within. This is Seam Notes, luxury from the inside out. We'll see you again next Wednesday.