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In psychology, we call it containment. In Numbers 6, God offers this necessary emotional regulation using the word, "kept".
Chris and Beth Bruno host conversations at the intersection of psychology and theology. This podcast is powered by ReStory Counseling.
00:09
Want to know what it takes to Restore Your Life? We are Chris and Beth Bruno and we lead a team of brilliant story work counselors around the country all committed to helping you come alive. We call it the Restorey Approach. So if you're a story explorer, kingdom seeker, or just a day-to-dayer, you've come to the right place. Welcome to the Restorey Podcast.
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I was 13 and it was the beginning of the summer and all of our best plans were laid out. We had so many plans that summer. And she was going to be babysitting a couple of boys for several days a week. This was going to be her first kind of regular job. We had camps planned and trips planned and all of the things. And it was day one of her babysitting job.
01:12
I was not in town. I forget where I had gone, but I was driving home and I received a call from her and there was kind of calm panic in her voice, if that's possible, right? I could, I could hear the panic that she was trying to stay on top of and in control of, but it was there in the background of her voice. And she said, mom.
01:41
I may have broken my leg. That was her leading sentence. Wow. And quickly, I'm needing to assess, is that the case and where are the boys? The youngest was three, I think, three and seven years old, maybe, were their ages. And so Ella, where are the boys? Where are you? And in her...
02:08
controlled panic voice. She was able to say we're all okay. We're on the trampoline. The older one has gone to get me a pillow. The younger one is here with me. He's being sweet. I can't move. And I am too far away to get there fast enough. And so I ask if she's called mom or dad and she said yeah, I've called. I've already called. Their dad is coming. Okay, great.
02:37
I'm on my way and so I'm driving there and before I get there, he calls me and he says, Beth, I think it's broken and the bone is not protruding but I'm not sure what to do here and I call the doctor immediately before I'm still driving and I say, you know, here's what's going on. I think I should go straight to the ER.
03:05
And they're like, no, we think you should come here first, as they always do, right? This whole anyways. And so I finally get to Ella. I get Ella in the car and I can tell on her face that things are not well. And I am trying to stay as calm as possible. I can't tell, it's not visibly broken. So we're driving, we're going toward her doctor and I'm still not convinced that's where we should be going.
03:32
And we call back and the doctor says, let me talk to her. And by now, Ella's controlled panic is starting to unravel. They hear it in her voice and they send us to urgent care. And urgent care takes an X-ray and is able to assess, actually, we need probably emergency surgery. You're headed straight to the ER. And so quickly, both Ella and I are now
04:01
you know, we're frazzled, I mean, we're unraveling and we're headed into the ER and her, you know, again, that controlled panic, which I now realize was shock, is starting to kick in and she's on the gurney and she's starting to shake and we're getting morphine and I mean, it's turning into emergency surgery for fractured tibias and fibulas and growth plates and I don't know, all the things, I don't even remember.
04:31
We're sitting there and I mean, Ella's needing me to be calm and inside, I'm feeling like this is really hard to stay calm and you're in the middle of work. I think it was probably an intensive that I felt like I don't know that I ought to call you and interrupt you and should I, and would you come and I need you, but I'm strong and I can do this and I can be here for both of us. And I eventually call you and
04:59
And I'm so glad you did need you as well. Yeah. You know, we're there all night and it turns into a pretty traumatic event. Yeah. So you just said a minute ago that Ellen needed you to be calm. What can you say more about that? What did you sense from her that she needed from you? She was mirroring me. So if I started to show like wide eyes and you know, terror, terror, like, oh my gosh,
05:28
she would have immediately fallen apart. Right. And so if I stayed calm until we, you know, really knew what was going on, then she would stay calm as well. Right. So in your calm, she found calm. Yes. And in your composure, she found composure and in your sense of peace, she found peace. And in your sense of containment, she found some level of safety and containment for her. Yes. And as she was kind of on the gurney, as you said, and
05:56
Morphine was happening in doctors and flurry and all that began to happen in the emergency room and in the operating room, she began to unravel. And so found some level of safety within you. And you also then internally, were trying to find a place where you could both stay calm for her but unravel for you. And you remember what happened when I showed up at the hospital?
06:24
No, actually. So I showed up and I called you and you came out to the parking lot. She was already moving into some, I don't know, pre-op or something like that. You came out to the parking lot and collapsed into my arms and you unraveled as well. That once now I was there to offer you calm, then you could unravel just like you offered calm to Ella and she could unravel.
06:54
And so, yeah, what a traumatic day for us as a family. And even now, just as we're talking about it, feeling some of the emotions of what that felt like to be there in the midst of all that. And all of us, you know, unfortunately have experiences like this where our children need our internal calm in order for them to feel calm. We are in the middle of a little series here on the podcast talking about
07:23
the blessing that is offered in Numbers chapter six, where God gives to Aaron and Moses this blessing that he says, speak this over the people. And we're unpacking from that blessing how there's this kind of beautiful understanding of what all of us humans need, both on a relational level, but then even on a neurobiological level, what we need from one another and what we need from God. And it's all like encoded in this blessing.
07:53
I recently kind of discovered this over, you know, just some studying of this, these passages like, Oh my goodness, how much theology is actually in here that informs our psychology and how we work with people at restoration. So let me, uh, why don't you read the blessing again for us, Beth. It's numbers six verses 22 through 27. The Lord said to Moses, tell Aaron and his sons, this is how you are to bless the Israelites.
08:22
Say to them, the Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. So they will put my name on the Israelites and I will bless them. So today what we wanted to unpack was that word keep. That word keep. And you know, it's the Lord bless you and keep you. And that's not a word that we use often in English in this way.
08:52
Right? I'm going to, you know, I'm going to keep the leftovers. Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to keep this book or memorabilia or something. I'm going to store it away in the storage room. I'm going to keep something. It just means I'm not going to throw it away. But in the, in the Hebrew understanding of this word is an understanding of containment and protection that there is a containment, a surrounding, a holding,
09:20
a bringing of my calm into the situation so that you can be calm, a containing of you. Not a containing like I'm gonna limit you, I'm gonna put a container, I'm gonna put a lid on you. It's more like I am big enough to hold what you are going through. I'm gonna keep you safe. I'm gonna keep you in me. There's enough space inside of me in order to protect and contain you. And that's what you were doing.
09:49
For Ella, like you were keeping her as you came onto the scene and she got in the car and as she unraveled in the seat next to you and went through the process, her unraveling was possible because you were there to keep her. You were there to hold her and contain her. And then there's also this sense of protection, right? Now that you were there.
10:14
Now that there was someone who was bigger and stronger and wiser and kinder, now that you were there, she could kind of fall apart because you were there to keep her. She didn't have to keep herself anymore. And in the hospital as you're there and as you were calm, she found calm, your calm kept her in that way. And it's just beautiful to see that God is actually offering himself to keep his people.
10:44
to contain his people, to hold his people and to protect his people. And it's this, just this beautiful understanding of all the things that we need. All the things that we need from one another, all the things that we need from God, and this offering of himself to say, I can hold you. I am big enough, I am strong enough, I am wise enough, I am kind enough to contain whatever you bring, wherever you're at.
11:13
I will be here. And that's ultimately what we need from our family of origin. That's what we long for from our friends and from our spouses. That's what parents need from their children. That's what I need from you and you need from me. And so when I show up in the parking lot of the hospital and I can offer my keeping of you and you can then lean into and unravel with me, you borrow what's inside of me.
11:41
in order to calm the inside of you. I think this blessing is absolutely brilliant in all of that. So what was that like then for you to experience the offering of that keeping to Ella and then the receiving of my keeping when I showed up? I think in a...
12:05
healthy and safe relationship that Ella and I have and that you and I have, that feels natural and second nature. I think, you know, I can look back and I can feel those feelings vividly, instantly again. There was emotion there just recalling in my body.
12:29
what that was like to hold it together for Ella and then to let it go in your arms. I think what's more challenging is when we're in relationships where that is not the case, that safety is not there. And who then do we go to? Who do we borrow from? Sometimes that's in friendships.
12:53
And I remember in college having some friends that that was the case. I could borrow from their strength at different times and vice versa. And we share it was communal in that way. But if that's not the case, that feels like a scary and lonely road to travel. Because.
13:17
we can do that with the Lord, we can look for that from him, but he doesn't offer us physical arms. Yeah. And he's not sitting across from coffee.
13:29
you know, helping to metabolize the crazy inside of us. There is a lack there for those of us who don't have those safe and natural relationships. Yeah. A hundred percent true. A hundred percent true. And, and I think the fact that we all long for them is evidence that we were designed for them. And the fact that we'd want to be kept by someone else is evidence that there is, that is supposed to be part of our lives.
13:57
And what you just named is a sad, not like pitiful sad, but just like full of sorrow place that many people don't have that in those kinds of ways. And that's where it is so important for us to be so intentional about developing those kinds of friendships and relationships and pursuing health in our marriages and in our parenting and in our communities.
14:26
to find those kinds of places. And maybe some people won't be able to find that on their own. Maybe some people actually need to find that through a support group or a counselor or someone that they can go to, that they can learn how to be kept in order for them to then translate that back out into their world and their lives and their communities and other places. But...
14:55
The important thing I think is for us to just recognize like there is something about containment that we all need from one another. And whether it's from me to you and the parking lot or you to Ella in the hospital or us and all the other times and places in our, in our lives with our kids where we've had to hold them. And that's another word I would put to it is being held, right? We all just want to be held where, where there's something inside of us that can kind of collapse.
15:24
and let loose and unravel in the arms of someone else. And that holding is what ultimately God says that he offers, right? The Lord bless, the Lord keep you. And there is a spiritual discipline almost of learning what is it like for us to find that? And I say that with full knowledge that that is not easily done. Mm-hmm, yeah. Well, it's a beautiful...
15:53
as we've been talking, template of kind of the way that, that God has built psychology into, you know, we see this in scripture, it plays out in life and it's, it's been fun to kind of dissect this blessing. Next week we're going to go on and talk about, we're going to talk about what does it look like for the face of God to bring us peace? All right. Well, join us next week. Same time, same place. Thanks for listening to the Restory podcast today.
16:23
If you're curious about who we are over at Restoration Counseling, you can find links to learn more in the show notes. And I'll just say, we have a lot of good stuff going on. We have a Women's and Men's Restory Trauma Intensive coming up in the next few months, and you can learn more about those and other upcoming things by clicking Upcoming in the menu on our website. And if you're in need of some immediate intervention on a particular topic, one of our many, many courses might be of interest to you.
16:51
head over to Restory Labs to learn more, and that'll be in the show notes too. Have a great weekend, and join us next time as we unpack more of the psychology in the Aaronic Blessing.