“Why Does Everything Fall on Me?” - How to Lead Without Carrying the Whole School

Have you ever caught yourself wondering, “Why does everything fall on me?” In this episode, we’re unpacking one of the biggest mindset traps principals slip into—the belief that they must carry the entire school on their shoulders. You’ll learn why highly capable, high-capacity leaders often become the default problem solver, how this pattern unintentionally trains your staff to rely on you, and what it takes to shift out of that role.

We’ll explore the Problem-Solver Trap, the thoughts that keep you catching every task, and how delegation becomes a powerful form of capacity building rather than “giving things away.” By the end, you’ll walk away with practical reflection questions, identity shifts, and delegation strategies that help you stop firefighting and start leading with clarity, calm, and confidence. If you’re ready to stop carrying everything yourself—and start building a school full of empowered problem solvers—this episode is for you.

Check out The 8 to 4 Principal Blueprint here.

What is The Principal's Handbook?

Are you feeling swamped by the demands of being a principal? From juggling emails, calls, and decisions to boosting test scores and wading through endless paperwork, the pressure is real.

But imagine a scenario where you no longer feel this overwhelming stress. Picture yourself as a more resilient leader, concentrating on enhancing your school rather than merely coping with the daily tasks that currently consume your time.

I‘m Barb Flowers. Drawing upon my eight-year experience as an elementary principal, with a Ph.D. in Educational Leadership and certification as a life coach, Along the way, I've mentored and coached school leaders, guiding them to change their mindset, set boundaries and focus on their own well-being while navigating their roles.

Each episode offers practical insights on time management, communication, overcoming overwhelm, boosting confidence, and fostering a positive mindset. We'll also discuss topics like working with stakeholders, implementing new initiatives, and managing discipline. Let's set boundaries, focus on well-being, and reignite your passion for being a principal. Welcome to "The Principal's Handbook."

I firmly believe that to be an impactful educator, you must first become a confident and well-rounded individual. Join us in this journey to empower and enhance your confidence as a school leader.

“Why Does Everything Fall on Me?” — How to Lead Without Carrying the Whole School
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[00:00:00] In this episode, we're going to talk about the question, why does everything fall on me as a principal? That's all coming up next here on the Principal's Handbook.

Speaker 2: Welcome to the Principal's Handbook, your go-to resource for principals looking to revamp their leadership approach and prioritize self-care. I'm Barb Flowers, a certified life coach with eight years of experience as an elementary principal. Tune in each week as we delve into strategies for boosting mental resilience, managing time effectively, and nurturing overall wellness.

From tackling daily challenges to maintaining a healthy work-life balance. We'll navigate the complexities of school leadership together. Join me in fostering your sense of purpose as a principal and reigniting your passion for the job. Welcome to a podcast where your wellbeing is the top priority. I.

Welcome back everyone.

Today we are talking about why does everything fall on me and how to lead teams without carrying the whole school.

And I chose this [00:01:00] topic because it came up as. One of the top themes for a survey I just did for my email list where principals just feel like everything falls on them. And when I saw this was a top theme, I could totally relate to this. I have felt like this in my career many times. I feel like I have overcame this.

And so, , I thought this is great for a podcast episode. A great topic because I think a lot of people can really relate to this and a lot of principles are natural problem solvers. That's why we became principals, right? We were teachers, we saw things happen, and for most of us, we wanted to make.

Changes at a bigger level make a difference. So we wanted to move up. And so naturally, more often than not, principals are problem solvers. They're fixers. They're the person that everyone wants to turn to naturally, right? You're the leader of the building, and that is really why we took on the role.

That's why we lean towards this role. But I want you to just think about what if the problem isn't that everything [00:02:00] falls on you, but that you've been trained? By yourself or by other people to catch everything, like what if the problem isn't actually that it's all falling on you, but it's how you've been trained by yourself or your environment?

What if you could choose not to have everything fall on you? And that's what we're really talking about in this episode. So we're going to talk about the pattern that the problem solving principle has, the issues behind it. And then we are going to talk about how to work through that. So I just want you to think about, what pattern do you get caught up in where you become the default problem solver for your entire school?

Where in your building does everyone depend on you for decisions, answers their emotional regulation, I always say as a principal, I think one of the hardest things is we are there to support and coach students and teachers and parents, and everybody comes to you with all of these emotions and you really have to keep [00:03:00] your emotions intact.

To handle everybody else's. And then they come to you with all these questions and you have to make a lot of decisions. And so there's a lot that goes into being a principal when it comes to the mental load. And there's no way that you can handle it all the mental load, it just can't be carried by one person.

Okay? And so the pa, what happens is the pattern often develops slowly over time. And again, this is what I saw when I first took over the building that I first became principal is. And even as assistant principal. Y you've become the problem solver because just slowly you're doing everything and it just happens subtly until all of a sudden you have this feeling of like, how did everything fall on me?

So I just wanna talk about some common science that you've become the principal problem solver for your building. You, Jo, you jump in to solve problems before others even attempt to figure it out. . Teachers just come to you with problems or staff members, and they don't have solutions. They're [00:04:00] just looking for you for the solution, and so you just automatically step in, come up with a solution and handle it.

Another sign that you are the principal who's problem solving everything. You're looped into everything, every task, every decision. You have to be involved in that, right? People CC you on everything. They text you. They constantly ask for your approval out of habit, whether you need to give approval for certain things or not, but they want to make sure that you give approval for everything.

Another sign could be that you become the go-to for decisions. For answers on every decision, even emotional management. So they need you. The staff need you, , to keep their calm. They need you for reassurance. They need you for clarity, even when they're capable of providing it for themselves. Maybe the staff dependency has even gone up over the years and continues to grow where they're very dependent on the principle.

They're very, , dependent on your answers. [00:05:00] And they come to you first before trying to come up with a solution on their own. And then another sign could be, you feel guilty if you don't jump in immediately. And so you start to spiral and overthink , and think that you have to have all the answers,

you're the principal, you have to have the answers. You can't delegate because you are the leader of the building. And so that's a sign that you became the problem solver principle. And really, here's the problem is we want to be a leader who supports teachers and who knows what they're doing and who is aware of all the decisions in the building and all of these things.

But when you find that everybody in the building is depending on you, especially depending on the size of your building, you end up overwhelmed . It happens all of a sudden that you're like. Oh my gosh. Everybody needs me all of the time. And it's not because you're a weak leader, it's because. People are looking to you to solve every problem.

You're competent. You're very capable as a [00:06:00] leader. Maybe you're even very calm under pressure. You get things done, you're productive. So of course, people wanna come to you first, but at some point without you even noticing, that becomes the expectation. They see that you have a high capacity for holding a lot on your plate, and so they come to you.

You know, this is a conversation I've had with some principals that I coach, is we have to remember as principals, we usually have a higher capacity than other people. However, we should be helping to build that capacity in others because, I mean. I always say we probably got to where we are as principals because we had high capacities as a teacher and we were able to do a lot and get a lot done and be productive and, be a very efficient and effective teacher.

And so then we move up to the principal role and it's the same thing, but not every teacher or staff member is like that. And so we have to help. Build that. So what happens though is they see your capacity, they see your productivity, they see your [00:07:00] ability to solve problems, and then they see it as a way to just get an answer quickly, effectively, efficiently.

So people start bringing every problem to you. What happens is people go straight to you because , they know that you'll fix it. It feels, , faster than having to fix it themselves. It's like I said, it takes less on their mental load if they just come to you, or maybe they don't even have the confidence to solve the problem because it's just natural.

They just go to the principal. Maybe you're taking over a building that that's just how the culture was, that they had to go to the principal before. There's all these different reasons why that could be happening, but here's the thing, the more problems that you solve. The more problems that are going to find their way to you to solve in the future.

And again, it's not because people don't care, it's not because your staff is incapable of solving problems, but it's because without ever even meaning to or intending to, you trained people to rely [00:08:00] on you. Or like I said, maybe you're a principal taking over a building and the last principal trained people to rely on you regardless of what it is.

If people keep coming to you and you're not helping to build their capacity and build their ability to solve problems, it's going to be that you just keep solving them. And it's not a personal flaw for you. It's a leadership pattern. And so it's one that most principals slip into at some point in their career.

If not, that's very impressive. But . . It is something that truly happens to most principals because you feel like you are the school's full-time problem solver. You're the principal, you're the person that gets paid to do this, right? I always hear people say, you're paid the big bucks that's above my pay grade, right?

Like these are the comments that are made sometimes when they are problems or things that other people can be solving, and so , the more time you spend solving problems that maybe aren't even that big of a deal, or they're more managerial, the less time you have to operate as the school's instructional leader and focus on the things that matter to you most [00:09:00] as a principal.

'cause what you always have to remember is you are carrying an emotional load, right? I always say the job of a principal is not physically draining, but it's so mentally draining. I mean, it can be if you're walking around the building all day, but it can be so mentally draining because. You're Thinking, like I said, about all the initiatives that you have to get done and all the managerial things that you have to do throughout the day.

What are the students doing? What do parents need? And then everybody's emotions in the building. It can be exhausting. And so what you really need to do is make sure that you're being very strategic about how you spend your mental energy, and that's why really to. Make this better to help everybody else increase their ability to solve problems.

We have to get to the bottom of why is this happening in the first place? Why is everybody going to you in the first place? Like I said, is it the fact that you just do it because it's quicker and it's easier? Is it because you're taking over a building where they're used to the principal solving problems?[00:10:00]

Is it because, , teachers don't feel confident to do it themselves? , What is it? And then you wanna think about your own mindset behind the thoughts of, I have to do everything because. If you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you know that your thoughts create your emotions, which create your actions.

So the thought of, I have to do everything, or everything falls on me. If you're having that thought, then the action is that you have to do everything and that everything falls on you. And so that's something I really want you to think about is what is the mindset that you're having If you believe the thought.

I have to do everything. Okay. So really dig into that if you're having that thought. So I want you to ask yourself a couple of questions first. What part of your identity believes if I don't do it, it won't get done? That's really important for you to think about when it comes to solving problems, and maybe it's certain kind of problems.

If you have an assistant principal and you feel like you have to have a [00:11:00] say in all of the discipline, like that's a problem because that's why you have an assistant to help with that stuff. , Or maybe it's the fact that you are involved in everything your secretary's doing, or you're making all the decisions, even though you have teacher leaders who can help, like all of these things.

Why do you have the thought that you have to do everything or everything falls on you? And then, , where in your job are you thinking that? People will think, I'm not doing my job if I don't handle this. This was a thought I had a lot as a new principal. It's like I had to prove myself as a principal.

And so if I'm not solving the problem and another teacher is, or a secretary or the assistant principal, then I must not be doing a good job. So really think about that, and then, , when do I tell myself it's faster if I just take care of it?

I think a lot of people do this. They tell theirselves it's just faster if they do it themselves. And so when are you telling yourself that? Do you assume that parents or teachers expect you to fix problems [00:12:00] immediately? Do you have that assumption? Is that a thought? Is that something you're carrying around?

Or if something goes wrong, it reflects on me personally. Is that something that you're thinking about a lot? Because what's happening with all of these thoughts is that you are really taking ownership of everything when you could be delegating that ownership, when you could be building capacity in other people, and it you're making everything belong to you even when it doesn't.

And so what happens is other people are not empowered. So I want you to think instead of asking why does everything fall on me, think. Why am I catching everything? Why am I feeling like I have to do everything? Just think about that. If you shift that question from why does everything fall on me to why am I catching everything?

It can totally change your perspective about how the building runs, have the perspective. If everything didn't fall on you, what would that look like? Who would you need to become as a leader? If everything didn't fall on you, [00:13:00] how would that change the way that you lead? I want you to really reflect on that.

So what would it look like if everything didn't fall on you? Who would you need to become as a leader and how would that change the way you lead? This all has to do with your identity, the 2.0 version of yourself. And I have done a previous podcast episode. If you go back, , I think. , It was at the beginning of August.

So if you go back, I did an episode about your 1.0 and 2.0 self, and it's really important for you to think about who is that person that you would be if you allowed yourself to not have everything fall on you. So really take some time, focus on that identity piece of your work. And then I also want you to really.

Think about how you're delegating. How are you building capacity in your staff through delegation? You have to remember that delegation is not offloading to other people. It's not you being lazy. It's not giving up control. It is capacity building. It is building capacity in others and [00:14:00] empowering others.

So you're not just giving someone a task, you're actually giving them leadership skills, confidence, clarity, ownership and whatever they're working on. I think about teachers that I've watched, the principal I worked with as an assistant principal, I watched her build their capacity, build their leadership skills, and their confidence grew so much.

It was so cool to watch. And so I knew that was something that I wanted to do as well. And so when I took over as principal, that was something I really tried to do. And it was hard for me at first because I wanted to do. Everything. I had grade level chairs and I wanted to do their job because I was trying to make it easier for them.

But what I realized was I was not empowering them. I was not building their own capacity. I was just taking on that role. And really I didn't know this until a teacher said this to me, but what I was saying is that I didn't trust their leadership skills, or I didn't trust in their ability to lead their grade level team.

, It's really important that we think about delegation differently and we [00:15:00] think about, what are our thoughts around delegation? What are our experiences with delegation? , And a lot of mine came from, I had a principal who was a great delegator and that's how he got so much done.

But I was somebody that he delegated to, and towards the end of my career as a teacher, I was tired. I was, working on my PhD, doing my leadership internship. And I was delegated to a lot. And so I think I had that mindset in my mind a little bit of how tired I was as a teacher, and I was just thinking about that and it was clouding my judgment for giving other teachers the chance to lead because I was just thinking about how tired I was towards the end of my career doing all the things that I was doing.

. Just think about that, like what are you building in someone else and why do you struggle to delegate if you're not delegating? Now I talk about delegating in depth in the eight to four principle blueprint, which you can find at the eight to four principle.com. , But I have a whole module about this.

I have a whole framework where I talk about , what are [00:16:00] the things that you can delegate If you want more information about specifically what to delegate. But really I want you to just think about , what would your workload look like if everything didn't fall on you? If you stopped catching everything, what would it look like?

What would it look like to delegate? Who would you wanna delegate to? What task would you wanna delegate? You really need to think about what are the areas you need to be delegating. , Think about discipline, for example.

, Are you taking on all of the discipline in the building, whether you have an assistant principal or not? Are you taking that on? , Do you have a communication guide for your building so that communication goes to the right person? If somebody is mad about the nurse. Are they talking to the nurse?

If a parent's mad about a teacher, did they talk to the teacher first? All of this can be put in a communication guide, which we do, and sometimes parents still defer to you, but just having that and helping people understand who to talk to can really help. , Also having a teacher leader running a [00:17:00] PLC or leading a committee, that is another way that can really help with your delegation.

Having a secretary who handles parent concerns that aren't related to things that you directly need to handle. , Having a custodian who has a great cleaning routine and takes pride in the building and cleans the building, and you don't have to micromanage everything, like all of these things are really important when it comes to delegation and building people's capacity.

So we wanna remember that delegation. Creates a team, a culture of problem solvers, , not a team of solution seekers. And I always think about my last school that I was in, and I was in it for a long time, and the principal, like I said before, me really empowered people, , to make decisions and things like that.

And so people were very strong at coming to me with solutions before they might have a problem, but a lot of times. They came with a solution as well, which was really [00:18:00] helpful when things were hard. Okay, so how can you do that? How can you build that up in your people? What do you need to do? What are the areas that everybody's coming to you with problems?

What's your mindset about the problems and how can you build their capacity and really help people feel empowered to come with solutions instead of problems? I want you to try asking yourself this daily for a week.

What task today do I need to stop catching? What task today can another adult do at 80% as well as I can do? What question can I redirect instead of answering And what decision can someone else make with a clear process that I don't have to make?

And just asking yourself that can really spark some mindset shifts of maybe looking at where you're not delegating that you could be. , So what I want you to try next is thinking about your delegation, thinking about your leadership, your 2.0 self, . Where do you need to be empowering others?

[00:19:00] Where do you need to be stepping back and building other people's capacity instead of stepping up and just solving problems right away? Because when you do this, you actually get to stop firefighting and start leading. You get to actually be the instructional leader that you want to be in the building.

Your emotional load decreases. Your team is going to grow in capacity in. Ability to lead in their ability to problem solve. And you model independence and responsibility that you wanna see in students and your staff. So it's really important that you think about where you're solving everybody else's problems and where you can be empowering others to grow, not only as a leader, but in their own capacity.

So if this episode hit home, if. You're listening to it and you're like, yes, I need to get better at building capacity at delegating so that I am able to have better boundaries around my workload so that I'm able to have a [00:20:00] building that is full of problem solvers instead of solution seekers. Then check out the eight to four principle blueprint.

It dives deep into delegation, into a module, and it's not just what, but it's the systems, the routines, the mindset that's going to help your school run. Without everything falling on you. So if you want that roadmap to stop solving everyone else's problems for them. And start building capacity.

Check it out at the eight to four principle.com. Alright, I hope you found this episode helpful. I hope you take some tips. I really hope that you take some time to think about where you can delegate to others. And if you try any of these strategies, reach out to me at Barb. Barb flowers coaching.com.

I'd love to hear how you tried these strategies, and I hope you'll join us next week on the podcast.

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