Fitness Goals Taking Over Your Life?

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Episode Summary:

In this episode Lindsay talks about the importance of striking a balance in life, especially when it comes to fitness. She explains the common mistake of letting fitness goals overshadow other aspects of one's life. She reveals that balance is an illusion and everyone struggles to maintain it. To help manage this, she emphasizes setting goals in different areas of life and writing out a vision of the future self. Through examples from her own life, Lindsay illustrates the power of being flexible and making consistent course corrections. She also highlights the danger of obsessiveness and shares the key to stay dedicated without being obsessed. She ends the episode with a Thanksgiving wish for her listeners.

Topics Discussed in this episode:

• (00:00) - 100 - Fitness Goals Taking Over Your Life?
• (01:08) - The Illusion of Keeping Everything Balanced
• (04:03) - What I've Learned
• (06:23) - It Comes Down to the Narrative In Your Head
• (07:14) - Needing More Than One Anchor in Life
• (08:06) - Most People Don't Have a Goal With Their Family
• (09:45) - Some Ideas for Fitness Goals in Your Life
• (13:15) - Who Do I Want to Be in a Year?
• (16:39) - Do I Stay Perfectly Balanced?
• (17:49) - Balance is an Illusion
• (19:32) - Write Out Your Future Self
• (23:29) - Fitness Can Become Too Big

Creators and Guests

Host

Lindsay

Wife and mother of three. I have a deep passion for learning and teaching. I also really love lifting weights and fitness.

What is LiftingLindsay's More Than Fitness?

Dive into the joy of fitness with Lindsay and other guests exploring how it goes well and beyond the gym floor, the number on the scale, the size of your waist or the calories you're counting.

Hey guys, welcome to the
Lifting Lindsay podcast.

Today, I'm actually answering a question
that I got on Instagram the other day

that I thought was really, really good.

And I feel like it's perfect as we
move into Thanksgiving this week.

And then we move into the holiday season.

We move into the
Christmas time next month.

The question that she asked
was "How do you prevent fitness

from taking over your life.

How do you stay balanced?

So there's a few things that, that I feel
like I need to be really honest with.

If you feel like Lindsay's over here,
perfectly balanced in all aspects

of her life, let me just give you a
little reality check that I'm not,

and neither is anybody else, right?

It's just, we're not, we're human.

A lot.

Of things pull at our time and our
attention, and there's actually

no such thing as perfect balance.

Have you ever watched
what are they called?

They're the entertainers
that are spinning the plates.

Have you ever watched them before?

These are the entertainers that
there's a long stick and they balance

a plate at the top and they're
spinning the stick and it keeps the

plate spinning and balanced, right?

So the illusion is that they're
all spinning at the same speed.

They're perfectly balanced,
but they're not actually.

Because when you leave one to work
on another, what happens is the one

you just left, you stop spinning.

will start to slow down.

So the illusion is that they're
all balanced, but they're not.

And the trick is how can we keep just
enough momentum that keeps them in motion.

That's the trick.

And that's the trick to life too.

So I feel like I am just a normal
human being that I have a hard

time balancing things in my
life, including my fitness goals.

But I can tell you some things that
I've learned along the way of trying

to stay, uh, more balanced person,
trying to keep my focus on the things

that really matter in life that aren't
going to be pulled in all sorts of

directions where I start to lose myself.

But I, I'm human.

And there have been times looking back on
the past, like seven, eight years of me.

Um, being into fitness,
diving into weightlifting,

um, working towards my goals.

There have been times I've
had really good life balance.

There have been times where
I've been, I guess, spinning

the plate of fitness, uh, more.

I'm giving it more time
and attention than others.

And there have been times where I've
done it well and times where things

have crashed down and I've realized,
like, I'm, my life is out of whack.

My fitness is taking too
much of the highlight.

And there's this point of diminishing
returns in that there's a point

of giving, giving, giving, and yet
you're not getting back any more

satisfaction or joy from the giving.

Right?

So there have been plenty of times in
my own life that many different things,

uh, have taken too much of a highlight
in my life, and I haven't been balanced.

So here's What I have learned over
my 38, almost 39 years of life is

that if you only have one goal.

You sit down, you write a goal,
and it only is fitness, then it's

going to be a lot easier for you to
get swept up and become obsessive.

Now just because somebody is dedicated
doesn't mean that they're obsessive.

I think that that's really important to
understand that you can be completely

dedicated and not be obsessed because
you're flexible and you're coming at it

from a place of joy, fun, and excitement.

I think sometimes people look at
people in fitness and they're like,

Oh, they are really good at nutrition.

They seldom miss a day working out.

Well, they're obsessed.

It just, it depends actually.

Um, are they not very flexible or
are they actually flexible and you

just don't see how flexible they are?

All right.

If they miss a day, let's say they're
used to training five times a week and

they can only train three times a week,

one week.

Are they beating themselves up?

Oh, I'm failing at this.

Oh, I just, I'm, I'm going to get fat.

Oh, I'm going to lose all my muscle.

Is all of that going on?

Then maybe they are obsessive.

I'll tell you a few weeks ago, I wasn't
able to hit five days in the gym.

I got in my three, and I didn't
care because I know that I'm

in maintenance right now.

I couldn't do it because of life
and business and other goals.

I was very flexible.

I knew that nothing bad was
going to happen because I

missed two days in the gym.

I didn't try to go back and somehow
make it up the following week.

I just, whatever.

Moving on.

You can be committed without
being obsessed and it comes down

to the narrative in your head.

Are you flexible, and are you
actually driven from a place of, of

positivity and joy and excitement?

Or are you coming at it from a
place of, I won't have value.

until.

Or I'm less than, until I hit this goal.

Well, yeah, if your whole identity,
and value, and worth, and beauty,

and all of these things are hinging
on that one goal that you've

written for your life, then yeah.

You will find it, it obsessive,
it running your life.

So what I've found is that I need
more than one anchor in my life.

Like goals to me are me
striving for my future self.

And I can't just have one point
of reference for my future self.

I have to have many.

So for me, I don't just
have fitness goals.

I have other ones.

In fact.

Uh, in mentoring, in talking with
people, it is interesting when, when

I see them becoming obsessed or,
or they are worried that they're

becoming obsessed with fitness.

And I say, so what's the issue?

What is it taking away from?

Well, it's taking away from
my family and being present.

Oh, okay.

So what's your goal right
now with your family?

Most people don't have a
goal with their family.

They have, they've never sat down and
said, this is what I'm going to work on.

This is how I want to
see my future family.

And this is how I have to act today
to realize that in 30, 60, 90 days.

Most people don't do that.

They just want to passively show up
for their family every day in hopes

that everybody else passively shows
up as their best selves so that they

can all just have joy and happiness.

And then when they're They're not
connecting with their child or their

spouse, then something's wrong with them.

Why can't they just be easier or right?

There's just, it's this
passive reactive way to life.

And then they finally do sit down and
make a goal towards something else.

And then they're shocked when that
something else, the only goal in

their life that they've written
down, all of a sudden becomes bigger.

Well, you have no other anchor
points to hold you or to steer you

in the direction that you want to go.

You have none other,
you just have that one.

So having goals for other aspects
of your life is very important.

If you feel like fitness is becoming
too big and it's taking away

from other aspects of your life,

maybe you need to sit down and
write out specific goals for

these other aspects of your life.

So let me just give you some ideas here.

So I do have health and fitness goals.

Now, when I very first started, I
would say they were bigger because I

was trying to create a new identity.

An identity of somebody who, uh,
had balanced nutrition, got enough

protein, was aware and mindful of
nutrition and how it fuels their body

and themselves to feel better.

I was trying to track everything to
be in a calorie deficit, which in

and of itself increases cortisol.

It makes me very aware of the
goal that I'm trying for, you

know, this isn't a passive thing.

I was going to the gym six times a week.

It was a big goal.

And it did consume a lot more of my
time then than it actually does now.

So maintenance is where I'm
sitting right now is actually You

still need awareness over food.

You still need to keep your
habits, but my habits are in place.

So the amount of mental bandwidth that
my lifestyle takes now is very little

compared to when I very first started.

It took a lot of my mental
bandwidth because I'm trying

to create a new identity.

Now I am that individual.

And I wish I could go back to that
Lindsay eight years ago and be

able to say these tips would help.

That's what I'm trying to do with
my BeStrong community is help

people be aware of like, these
are the things I wish I knew.

This is what the big rocks are.

Just focus on this.

Stop obsessing about
those other things, right.

My only goal in life wasn't.

Losing 30 pounds.

Cause that's how my journey began
was I wanted to lose 30 pounds.

But that wasn't the only goal in my life.

And even today, it's still
not the only goal in my life

is to maintain my physique or

build muscle, that's not the only goal.

I love journaling, um, when I express
that I love journaling, I think

people think I don't miss a day.

She doesn't miss a day.

She's, you know, rigid.

She always, no, I don't, you
know, it's a good week if I

journal four, or five times a week.

That's a good week.

There are some weeks where it's like,
oh, I only got two to three journaling

sessions this week, but I still got them.

That's still good, but
I do love journaling.

I find it very powerful and I'm
not talking about at the end

of the night being like, let's
see, what do I tell my journal?

So it was a good day.

I was reading through my
grandma's journal once.

I love reading through
other people's journals.

I was reading through my grandma's
journal once and I thought she only,

like, she always tells us what the
weather was, the temperature today was

this, and I thought that was so funny.

There was light rain, mist on the grass,
like it was very, that's not the type

of journaling that I'm talking about.

So I sat down and I wrote out who
I want to be in 12 months, in a

year, the person that I want to be.

Um, and how, how emotional, um,
things that, um, how I want to be a

more stoic individual, you know, the
storms raging around me and yet I have

control over my emotions because I'm
not that person and I'm striving to

become more stoic, more level headed.

Stoicism is very misunderstood and kind of
becoming this, this student of stoicism.

I've been reading all the books.

I have daily stoic quotes that I read
anyways, a lot of times people think

it's without feeling, but no, you feel
everything, but you're seeing it from

a clearer perspective, you can take
in the information, the feelings, but

you are proactive in your reaction.

You have control.

You're not a reactive person.

And so as a mother, I find myself reactive
and I don't want to be that person.

I don't want to show up like that, right?

So here's this goal that I have.

This is who I want to, this is how.

I want to show up for my family.

So I write down exactly who I am
as if I've already achieved it.

This is who I am as a mother in 12 months.

This is how I show up for my children.

Very present, not being
constantly drawn away by my phone.

Um, they know I'm there.

They're important.

They're safe.

They feel safe with me.

They feel safe to be honest, and share
all sorts of uncomfortable feelings

with me because I'm a safe person.

Like, so I write in detail who I am, the
relationship that I want with my children

and my husband, as if I already have it.

I also write down, um, the relationship
that I want with God, and how my faith

has developed, and my connection with
him and who Christ is in my life.

And I write down my business and
what's happening with my business?

And how am I serving people?

And what type of things am I creating
to make this world a better place?

And I write these things out as
if I have already achieved them.

And then every day, this
is what I try to do.

I don't hit every day, right?

Cause I'm not perfect, but
that's okay because I'm flexible.

I'm flexible.

And I try daily to open up this 12 month
vision of who I am as an individual

as if I've already achieved it.

And I read through it and that in
and of itself shifts because if

I have to be that person today,
if I want it in 12 months, I'm not

overwhelmed by it, I'm excited.

I'm excited by the opportunity of I have
a chance today, to be that person, to make

that family, to make that a contribution
to the world, to all of these things.

So I have these goals in tons of
different aspects of my life, and I

feel like those goals are anchor points,
but do I stay perfectly balanced?

No, I don't.

I don't always, and that's okay.

Because I'm flexible, it's a
constant monitoring and coming back.

I visualize this idea of somebody walking
on this balance beam, and there's going

to be times where something pulls them
a little bit more to the right and they

kind of have to re get their balance.

They notice I'm being pulled too far.

I need to now adjust.

Being pulled too far, starting
to lose your balance.

There's nothing wrong with that.

A lot of shame often comes from
people when they think, Oh,

I'm not perfectly balanced.

Oh, I let this goal take
too much of my time.

And they want to go through
these shaming cycles.

And we have to break ourselves of that.

There's no shame.

There's just learning.

There's curiosity.

There's what made me lose my balance.

I'm going to get curious about that.

And I'm going to learn from it
and I'm going to move forward.

So as I'm walking through this
balance beam of life, there will

always be something that is going
to pull me one direction or another.

Always.

Because none of us are perfectly balanced.

Balance is an illusion.

We are not perfectly balanced
100 percent of the time.

And if you think somebody is, you
don't know enough about them because

when they're really honest with
themselves, they will tell you.

That they're not, but we'll find ourselves
getting off the course a little bit.

We notice it, we take note and
we make a course correction.

And then in a few weeks we'll notice we've
gone a little bit more towards the right.

Then we pause, make a course
correction, get curious, learn

from it, come back over, right?

It's this constant life long battle.

Don't think that you're
going to ever master this.

Nobody ever has and nobody ever will.

But it's the consistency of course
corrections that actually gets you

to where you want to be at the end.

And as you get better at spotting when
you've gotten off, and getting curious,

you get better at not getting off.

But it doesn't mean that you're
never going to get off course.

You will at one point or another,
you will start leaning more

towards the left or right.

You will get a little off balance
and you just need to course correct.

So my biggest suggestion for you would
actually be to sit down and write out

your future self, who you want to be,
not what you want to necessarily achieve.

Those things are great.

Don't get me wrong.

You can do it, but I'm talking about life
experiences that you will have, that you

will make happen, um, better connections
with family members, and write it from

a perspective of you have achieved it.

And then every day you begin the
day by opening up and reading

this person that you are.

And then you write down if I'm to be that
person, what does that look like today?

Who do I then need to be today?

And you'll get certain goals of maybe
you want to connect better with a

child that you're struggling with.

Well, what does that look like day to day?

Well, maybe one thing I'll
share a personal thing.

I have one daughter that I have
a harder time connecting with.

I just struggle really finding
how can I be more safe for her?

How can I connect better with her?

And through a lot of prayer, and
thought, and journaling, this idea

came to me every single night she
lays in her bed and she reads.

She loves, loves reading.

I love reading.

So I want to say every night,
but I'm human, so it's not.

And I try to be flexible.

But ever since this idea came to me
I've been doing it almost nightly.

When I go in and I say good night to her,
I bring my book in and I say good night

to all of my kids, I leave her for last
and I bring my book in, and I sit down and

we read together and she has been opening
up to me and it is really exciting.

And then

I noticed that she'll just come
up to me during the day and

hug me, and say, I love you.

Okay.

That was not her two, three months ago.

And so I feel like this has been every
night that I've been doing this is

me putting in this investment of trust
of, I care about you, of you matter.

And so that's one of my goals
that I've really been working on.

So yours are going to be totally
different than mine, right?

Your goals, your other anchor points
that you need to sit down and make sure

you have and create quiet time in your
life so that you can think through and

know what you are supposed to have as
goals, based off of who you want to

be, the life experiences you want to
have, and what you want relationships,

and family, and fitness, and health,
and all of these things combined, what

you want them to be like in a year.

And then every day you act as though
you are that person with these goals.

So that is something that I have
developed over the past few years

and I'm flexible in my approach.

Every so often this changes, but the
main overarching point that I want to

make is sometimes the methods change,
but the overall point of I have to

have goals in other aspects of my
life other than health and fitness.

Otherwise health and
fitness becomes too big.

And it does, it starts taking over and
ruling our life, especially those that,

that love it and just find it so fun.

It can get way too big.

And we don't even see what's
happening, but we're missing out on

life, and connections, and people,
which is what life is all about.

It's just passing us by because
we're so concerned with our fitness

goals, and who's hitting what fitness
goals on Instagram or whatever.

So I just want to encourage you to
sit down and write your future self.

And then every day, , maybe
it's in the pickup line.

When you're picking up your kids from
school, maybe it's right after work when

you sit in your car right before you
drive home or right before you drive

to work, you make sure you have five
minutes where you can touch base with

that future self and write out goals of
who you're going to be, what experiences

you're going to have, how you're
going to show up for that future self,

today.

And that way you have way more anchor
points that hold you steady, help you stay

more balanced, and thriving in your life.

Thank you so much for joining me
today on the Lifting Lindsay podcast.

I hope each and every one of you
have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

I realize it's just a.

American holiday, but, um, I think Canada,
you've already had your Thanksgiving,

but I just want to let you guys know,
I'm very thankful and grateful for you.

I'm grateful for your support.

I feel it.

And I am so grateful for things like
podcasts, social media that have allowed

us to connect so that we can lift each
other up and become better together.

You guys have a wonderful week.