More's the Pity

"We bring him back to Rome to keep an eye on him"

"Did you say, "bring him home to keep a lion on him"

From family news to new ideas, Caesar and Sensus entertain new ideas deal with siblings as well as streamline the Empire, ideas that will surely pay off, and if they fail will surely never be tried again in the future. Because we learn from our mistakes. Don't we? 

Credits:
Nate Gothard as Caesar                
Hester van der Vyver as Sensus                
Thomas Taufan as Pittius, Voice, and Guard                
Linda Chong as Intercom 

Written by Mike Jones and Iley Jones
Produced by Bass Mike Studios and Iris Lantern

What is On the Roman Nose?

Turning back the pages of history, In the yesteryears of time, there once was an empire that was mightier than any before and held land greater than any since. A culture rich in architecture, education and art, but there is so little remaining of the Great Khan's dynasty that we can't make fun of it. So to Ancient Rome instead!

Here we join Lord Caesar and his loyal assistant, confidant and friend, Senator Sensus in the famed marble palace, facing diplomatic issues, comedic characters and the burden of leadership.

From the mixed bag of stories in Getting You Home On Friday, On the Roman Nose is slapstick happy, witty, and full of humour in a collection of short and sweet episodes.

(On the Roman Nose, Episode Eight, More's the Pity)

THEME SONG: ROMAN MILITARY STYLE DRUMS WITH A FLOURISH OF HORNS.

VOICE: And now, to Rome!!

CROWD CHEERING.

CAESAR: Sensus?

SENSUS: Yes, my Lord Caesar?

CAESAR: What news of my brother?

SENSUS: Your younger brother, Sextus?

CAESAR: No, Septus. I am quite over Sextus.

SENSUS: Never thought I'd hear you say that.

CAESAR: No, neither did I.

SENSUS: Septus is well my Lord, but.....

CAESAR: But?

SENSUS: But, he is trying to sell off part of the empire.

CAESAR: He wouldn't have the stomach. Well, not if I get to it.

SENSUS: Interesting and harsh.

CAESAR: And what do you suggest?

SENSUS: We bring him back to Rome to keep an eye on him.

CAESAR: Did you say, "bring him home to keep a lion on him"?

SENSUS: No, my Lord, keep an eye on him.

CAESAR: I preferred my idea.

SENSUS: It has merit, but he is family.

CAESAR: More's the pity.

SENSUS: Shall I call him?

CAESAR: Call my brother?

SENSUS: No, Pity, or rather Pittius.

CAESAR: A bit of stretch, but why not?

SENSUS: (CALLING OUT) Call Pittius Sake!

GUARD : (DISTANT) Call Pittius Sake!!

INTERCOM: (OVER PA) Oh Pittius, Sake, pity’s sake no moooooore!

DOORS OPENING, SANDALED FEET ON MARBLE.

CAESAR: Fix…

SENSUS: I'll fix that Lord Caesar.

PITTIUS: Ave, Lord Caesar.

CAESAR: Ave Pittius, welcome. What’s new? Entertain us with some false hope or ideal.

PITTIUS: Well, In fact, I am working on a new project.

CAESAR: Do tell, Pittius.

PITTIUS: I think that I may be able to relocate some of the Empire's services to provinces that have
cheaper labour costs.

CAESAR: Interesting, Pittius.

PITTIUS: It could save the Empire millions.

CAESAR: Very interesting. What services do you intend to relocate?

PITTIUS: Those that drain the budget and serve no real purpose; such as the complaints department.

SENSUS: But…

CAESAR: But? Sensus would you kindly refrain from thrusting your butt into these conversations.

SENSUS: Forgive me, Caesar, but won't this mean that any complaint, regardless of its merit, will take
months, if not years, to process?

CAESAR: People will start to feel that we don't care and eventually give up complaining.

(PAUSE)

Do it, Pittius.

PITTIUS: Very well, my Lord.

CAESAR: Just a question?

PITTIUS: Yes, my Lord?

CAESAR: We couldn't move the reporters over there too, could we?

SENSUS: Not unless we move the lions over there, too. Reporters are a staple!

CAESAR: Of course they are. Thank you Pittius.

PITTIUS: Ave Lord Caesar, Ave Senator Sensus.

CAESAR: Ave Pittius.

SENSUS: Ave.

PITTIUS: Oh, forgive me, my Lord.

CAESAR: Yes Pittius?

PITTIUS: Do you require your orgy indoors this week?

CAESAR: No, al fresco will be fine.

SENSUS: Weather permitting, naturally.

PITTIUS: Naturally. Ave.

SANDALED FEET EXITING, DOORS CLOSING

CAESAR: Nice enough fellow.

SENSUS: I suppose.

CAESAR: Mind you this whole offshore relocation may have merit.

SENSUS: Thinking of the senate, Lord Caesar?

CAESAR: And my family. Christmas is always a bore.

SENSUS: Chris…what?

CAESAR: Oh, too soon.

THEME OUT.

END

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones