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How to stop doubting yourself and trust the f**k up - a podcast about unbecoming all the things you thought you needed to be. Here’s to loving all parts of you & leaving NONE of you behind.
Abby: [00:00:00] Hello everybody. Welcome to I saw the sign. I'm Abby Hamble. We're here with Fallon J. The Fallon J
Fallon: The under double underscore fallen J on Instagram.
Abby: Yes,
Fallon: Hello, we're excited to talk to you today.
Abby: yes. We are [00:01:00] excited. And this is kind of a, um, a topic that is, What is the word? Like almost like a, a trendy or trending one. Because this is something that's like in the media right now, which is bridger tin. So like the newest.
The newest, yeah. Queen Charlotte, the newest kind of offshoot of Bridger Tin.
That's a little bit different, kind of sparked this idea for us. So I guess spoiler alert on that, if you have not watched that yet and you are planning to watch it and you don't want any spoilers, maybe bookmark this episode and. Go watch it and then come back and listen.
Fallon: Yes.
Abby: But for everybody else, um, we were just talking about how it is interesting. I, I feel like there have been some more interesting themes that have come up in this latest kind of iteration of, of Bridger 10, one of which is the one we're gonna talk about today more so, which is discovering, exploring, [00:02:00] diving more deeply into. Female sensuality and sexuality after, you know, the first blush of, of Maidenhood, you know, after the maiden period, which is usually when they are, you know, all of these kind of stories are based.
It's the, the 16, 17, 18 year old girl who is a virgin and is falling in love for the first time and experiencing, you know, Sex for the first time and love and all of these things. And in this series it really is more about, I mean, it it's about that as well, because it goes back to when Queen Charlotte, um, is younger, but it also talks about, you know, her and Lady Danberry and, um, violet Bridgeton,
who's the the matriarch
of the bridger's and just how you know, Exploring what it feels like, especially in that [00:03:00] era. But I think this is also very true to today of just how, you know, it's kind of like, oh, my husband died, so now I'm just
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: on the shelf sexually,
or I am of a certain age and so, you know, I'm not, I'm not this young, beautiful maiden, you know,
I'm now. A mother and a matriarch and more of like in Theron era,
if we're kind of going for, and I think there is no in between, right?
It's the made and the mother at Theron, there's no kind of in between, between the mother and Theron.
Fallon: Not that. No, not that I, not that I'm aware of. Um, I mean, there could, maybe we should have done our research. No, not that I'm aware of. But I think that, you know, as I'm in my early forties now, um, and Abby and I were talking about this and, and we see this. In society so much that the [00:04:00] Virgin is so celebrated and, and I think even now, men are the divine masculine, however you wanna reference that, is also seeing the value in an embodied, sensual woman, right when you are.
18, I would even say to early twenties. You are not really like embodied in that sensuality sexuality yet. I mean, so I think it's available. I'm not saying that it's impossible, but there's some things that you've gotta really go through and grow into to really get to know yourself, um, to feel like, oh, I can be an ownership of this in a safe way.
Because that's a, that's a, you know, that's my own journey of it. And so, not that we shouldn't celebrate the passage of Virgin Hood into ma, you know, the maiden and, and her, her flirtiness and all of that. But as women, we feel like when we're losing our youth, we're losing our beauty and we're losing [00:05:00] our ability to be sensual and sexual.
And I think because we put that in the hands of men, For too long. And that's on us. And granted, there's all these kinds of reasons, right, that, that that's happened and that isn't on us, but we get to take back that ownership, that as we age, we are still sexual and sensual and have, you know, like what is, um, violet, Bridger 10, the matriarch is like, what is she attending to her garden?
You know? Of course in that era they.
Abby: a, a blooming garden. Like we had a really. I don't know. Basically like Vivacious Garden, you know, with her
husband.
Fallon: Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's, it's just, it gets to be talked about more. And something that you were saying, and I'll let, I'll let you really speak to this, but the women that went before us don't talk about this. I don't think that they talk about it with their girlfriends.
Abby: Yeah. Yeah. And, and even seeing that on the [00:06:00] show, so she's talking about it with Lady, lady Danbury. And, but, and I think about that in my life today. Like I wonder if the, you know, older females in my life if they are even talking about this, because it just doesn't seem like they are.
and and it just feels, and we'd love to hear from you too, our listeners.
Um, It just feels like there's this, you know, after you, you go through like 45 or 50 or the, you know, kind of the menopause time and it's almost like you feel, or you're told that that part of your life is over and that part of your like body is over, or you sh maybe shouldn't talk about it. Or, or it's just like, Maybe you've been married for a long time and your sex life is kind of the same and
Fallon: Or non-existent, cuz
Abby: or nonexistent. E
Exactly. [00:07:00] And so I guess one of the things we've really just wanted to bring home is and ask the question of, has it felt this way for you? Do you feel like you are buying into this idea that this part of you is, is kind of, you know, Not dead. I don't wanna say that that feels very dramatic, but like, I don't know, just like dramatically
Fallon: Yeah.
Um. And the light, maybe the light feels like it's just the flame is barely flickering, trying to hang on, and
Abby: like the pilot light's gone out.
Fallon: you just need a little bit of, little bit of spark to To turn it back on. Yeah. Because we get to be in ownership of that, and I think as. Well, let me give you a story real quick. So my mom was here this week, um, and I have, um, a coffee mug with a bunch of birds on it, and it's all kinds of cocks.
So like game cock, you know, like, so it's, and I was drinking [00:08:00] out of it this morning, uh, or maybe it was, yeah, I can't remember. Maybe it was, I don't know. This week I was drinking out of it. Um, and she said, I saw that and I wouldn't even let myself drink out of it. And I said, well, maybe you should. Maybe that would be a great thing for you to ease up around, like not in a judgy way, because I understand, and that's her generation and her own life and her own stuff that she's been through, but it's like, what if that's where you started, mom?
What if that's you started to drink out of a cock mug? It's it's literally just birds on it, right? Just co that's just their names. And you sort of just to find some lightness in that it's, it's okay to still want that in your life no matter how old you are. It's okay to still want connection and sex and, and feel sexy and sensuality and, and, and turning that back on for yourself.
And there's all kinds of fun ways you can do it. But I am not gonna subscribe to this idea that because now I'm in my forties, I'm gonna be perimenopausal and I'm gonna, I'm like, no. I feel like for the first time through my late, my late thirties and early [00:09:00] forties, I am more sexual and sensu than ever in, in ownership of it.
And it's like, if that's just starting for me to feel that level of ownership of it, how am I gonna just be like, oh, there's like four to eight years left, you know of this versus Oh my gosh, how good can I get? And, and women, we are so good at changing with the tides. And this is all that this is, the tides just change in the different seasons that we're in, but you were already masters of that.
We just get to move into mastery of that with our sexuality.
Abby: Yeah. And where have you been buying into the idea that this part of your life needs to be over?
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: kind of. Ask yourself, have you been, have you been subscribing to that story that you know just because you've been married for a long time, or maybe you're single, or maybe you're divorced, or whatever your situation is [00:10:00] that because of X reason and because I'm of, you know, ex age, this part of my life is maybe just gonna be less now.
Fallon: Yeah, and I think, you know, I was, I was, um, I did a team event recently for a local business, um, and we talked about sexuality and sensuality and, and there was a woman there that, you know, Just, and this is, this is true. I have, I have received this a lot from women through the years that it's like, well, I just kind of don't really need it.
But underneath that, you can feel they're not totally telling the truth to themselves. Because women, we can talk ourselves into we're fine without sex. Right? And sure, it might be the sex, but we're not fine without the intimacy. We're not fine without the turn on and turn on is like, It can be anything.
It can be walking out and just enjoying the sunshine on your face and being like, oh God, that feels good. Or like, I just got a pedicure today and like getting the massage. I was like, woo, [00:11:00] I needed that. Right? Like turnon isn't always, we don't have to do it in, in phy, like a physical, sexual way. But when women say like, I just don't really need that, I always sense the undertones of, I may not need it, but I want it.
But I'm too scared to admit that I want it because then if I say that I want it, then how do I get it back?
Abby: Yeah. Or what if I will never be able to have it the way that I had it? Or what if I'm just not capable? What if my body's not capable?
Fallon: Yeah,
Abby: Yeah.
Because of all of the, the stories, all of the conditioning around women's sexuality as you get older.
And the other, and the other point too, I wanna bring, go back to is the, Is the friendship piece of the, the sisterhood piece of having people in your life who you feel like you can be honest with this, uh, about, because it can feel very, um, I mean just with like the Puritan culture in the, [00:12:00] in the US and like with your mom, the, in the kuck
generation. The generation of where they're coming from and how they were raised. It's like, is it even okay, or can I even talk to my girlfriends about this, or are they gonna think whatever about me
because I still wanna feel sexual, or I still wanna feel wanted, you know?
Fallon: yeah, yeah. Yes. And I wanna feel in touch with myself and I want that to be okay. And we don't have to go into like all the details that maybe like you and I would, or, you know, they don't have to do that, but, But I think just giving breath and air to the conversation and admitting that to yourself or your girlfriends actually opens up more of a deeper connection.
You know, because then, as you and I know in this work, anytime we allow ourselves to be seen in that vulnerability or that fear, that's, I don't have my shit together here. The level of connection deepens. [00:13:00] And a lot of times there's camaraderie in it. It's like, oh yeah, I, I have been there, or, I feel you too.
And this is the way that we get to take back ownership for ourselves. That this doesn't have to be, the story doesn't have to end at 50 or 60 or 70, or 80, or even 90. I mean, it just doesn't, and we ju we, we get to learn as women how that changes and then continue to educate the next. Generation because I, I know for me, being a mother to a daughter, I wanna teach her that when she went, as she's coming into her thirties, how things might shift and change that she's coming into her forties 56 and I'm 90 years old.
I wanna be like, yeah, I felt that too at 60, you know, if I live that long. Like, so that she knows like what her mother experienced also, you know, um, especially where genetics play can, can play such a role, but just. Have a safe space
Abby: exactly.
Fallon: what is [00:14:00] quote unquote normal, you know, whatever that means.
Abby: And like with anything, just being curious about it, being curious if, you know, being curious enough to look at the stories that you've been. Assuming are the truth or the truths that you've been operating from and being curious to ask, okay, well if this isn't true or if I don't really want this to be true, then what might be like a fun thing to try?
Like drinking out
of the mug or reading a sexy book, or watching a sexy show and you know, whatever. Something that just lets you kind of reconnect to that spark a little bit.
Fallon: Yeah. No, I love that. I love just finding the look, you know, Abby and I are big fans of the baby step. Let's just baby step our way into things. You don't have to climb the entire mountain. You don't have to climb the entire mountain right away, but you do get to start to. Look at what your path looks and feels like.
Like she said, drinking out of the, [00:15:00] the cock mug, that's not an actual cock, it's just birds, right? So even that's a little bit easier. Um, maybe playing around on a dating app. Maybe not necessarily activating your profile, but filling it out and seeing like if you're a single woman. Um, I love the idea of reading a sexy book.
I love, you know, the book by Regina Thomas Howard Pussy. I think that. That is, it's such a great read on the education behind the etymology of, of the word itself, let alone just even the cortisols and like adorning your body. It really gets you back in touch in your body and that's, as we know, sensuality lives there because that is our senses.
You know, sensuality is your senses, but finding ways to come back into your turn on cuz a turned on woman really is a mag magnet for so much goodness.
Abby: Yeah. I'm glad that you brought that up because I think that that's one of the, A great way to step back into, [00:16:00] you know, the curiosity of like, how can I sort of reignite the spark within myself because it is all about learning and you know, kind of deconditioning from the, you know, the sex is just the sexual act
and you know, something that's dirty or whatever and it pl and it reestablishes the reverence around a female body
Fallon: That's
Abby: and just, yeah, and just like,
Fallon: We just
Abby: After you, after you read that, you're just like, yeah, what el, what can I do?
Like, what can't I do? Actually, I am super powerful and I have all of this, you know, innate wisdom inside of me and this ability to do all of these things. And so I think that's a great recommendation for the listeners if they haven't read it or heard of it.
Fallon: Yeah, and it just read it for you. You don't even have to tell anybody you're reading it. This journey is not for everybody else. We don't have to advertise it if you don't want, but, but finding the ways to reconnect to you and your body. [00:17:00] And there was something I was gonna, oh, just man, that what you just said, oh, woman.
Um, reestablishing the reverence. Because we also, like how many mothers out there now have older daughters that you rarely even talk about sex with because you're like, Ooh, I just don't wanna know that my daughter's doing that. But what if you ha you have an open dialogue, not because you need the details, but because it's, there needs to be something safe.
Uh, you know, a about a, having a safe space to talk about it and then find your girlfriends to talk about the details with, find somebody. I mean, really that that is fun and there is. Permission in that. And there is validation in that because when you start to talk to your, to your girlfriends about, You know, the more intimate stuff, whether it involves actual penetration or not, is not the point.
It starts to bring a lightness to it and a, a rekindling of that l love for the, for those feelings. Um, [00:18:00] again, so, and I think wherever you're at, you know, we can only speak to the age that we're at where Abby and I are at, but I think that wherever you're at, especially if you are in your Crohn's season, we would love to hear from you.
What tips do you have to share with us that we can share with our listeners? Share this episode with somebody, um, because this is just such an important topic that I can feel Abby and I are probably gonna be talking about again as we expand more into our own work and, and hear back from all of you too.
Abby: Yes. Yeah, and just let yourself bring, like you said, the lightness to it, but also just bringing it to the light. I think that this can be a topic that is just so like shoved in the back and in the dark. I mean, literally the act of, you know, having sex in the dark, but just like not wanting to bring your desires or your needs or your. You know, just maybe curiosities that you're interested in trying to your partner,
you know, it's just so kept in the dark. So bringing some of this more into the light, at least within [00:19:00] yourself, within your own mind, within, you know, just whatever you want to explore about
it.
Fallon: and a great place to start is even just like self-massage. And just sending love to all part. Like you can start at your toes and just sending love and just feeling your fingertips trace your own body. That will start that turn on. Just read that reconnection to yourself. And then journaling. What did you see growing up?
What? How was sex talked about? How was sensuality spoke, spoken about? I know for me there was a big fear around all of it, and so it was projected onto me big time and it was like, ah, I gotta cover up. And I was not a child that like, I was always very. Free in my body, but that part of me had to shut down.
And, um, my daughter's the same way. So it's interesting to have to guide her through this, but just noticing how you feel like you were born into this world and maybe what conditioning happened in your household and what parts of those do you wanna decondition?
Abby: Yeah, and the thing that just occurred to me too is just [00:20:00] noticing how the people in your life talk about their, not even just their sexuality or sensuality, but about their bodies.
You know how the women in your life talk about your bodies, how your mother talks about her body, or your grandmother, you know, because they were still holding onto so much of this conditioning that you get to look at now and let go of.
Fallon: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Weight was always a big one. We never spoke about our own weight, but we spoke about other people's weight. Like, oh, she lost 10 pounds, that, oh my goodness, she looks great. And I noticed my mother doing that this weekend around Nova, and I stopped her. I said, I don't do that at all.
I don't, I don't talk about weight at all. Um, And she was like, oh, good point. You know, and it's, we just, what are we still unconsciously perpetuating or subconsciously perpetuating because it's just all we know. Um, and I think that sexuality and sensuality is one, and I think a lot of women are ready to reclaim that.
And so we're happy to hold space and be witnesses of that. And, um, for all of you,
Abby: Exactly.
Fallon: And if you [00:21:00] want, I have an amazing class called WO and Pleasure Healing that I hosted actually last year, but the replay is always available and I also have something else up my sleeve that is coming, so keep your eyes open for that. That will be, um, Absolutely free coming up as I'm rebuilding my website and with Abby's sister, actually, Ashley.
And so I will be relaunching my website and there'll be some, some really some goodness, juicy goodness there for all of you. So watch for that in my stories, um, and my social media. I'll be sharing that hopefully soon. I don't know exactly when this is gonna air compared to that, but it'll be within a couple weeks of this episode.
Abby: Yeah. Yep. It's gonna be really good. Everyone's gonna love it. I can't wait.
Fallon: Yeah.
Abby: Then once it comes out, we'll share the story of how it came about.
Fallon: Yes. That's a great story.
Abby: All right, well, we love you. Please, um, share your story. Share any ahas or anything that landed for you during this episode. We'd love to hear from you. And [00:22:00] please go to our podcast and rate and review us
and share it with your friends.
Fallon: Yeah, share this with your friends, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna encourage you and invite you into being the girlfriend that initiates a conversation with another girlfriend, and let us know how it goes.
Abby: Yes.
Fallon: We love you.
Abby: We love you.
Fallon: See you next week.
Abby: See you next week.