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Hosted by a Doctor and a Degenerate, Sunday Punch is a Chicago podcast that talks about sports, pop culture, and politics.
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welcome to another episode of the Sunday punch podcast, your monthly podcast. That's that's what we're doing now monthly, or weekly or daily. Again, it's up to me.
Curran live from Cleveland, Ohio. Ever heard of it?
Actually, it's better. It's better than it's better than you think. Cleveland is underrated. Okay.
I would say it's above Detroit. I would put it above Detroit.
I can drink again. I'm off my medication. I'm feeling good.
I'm visiting a friend in Cleveland. Him and his wife are having a baby. So that means they're basically going to in my world die. I'll never see them again.
It's bittersweet. I get to see my friend one last time
until the baby comes.
And it's all over for me.
Now become uncle Adam.
I'll show up every so often. And we'll just drift along that that way. For a while. We'll see what we'll see. I'm going to think positively. I've been reading self help books and they say think positive.
But I have been here with my buddy
may have met may have heard me mention him. Travis and we have been playing a lot of tennis. That's right first sport mentioned.
But I'll tell you what, man.
I do not know how any athlete
over the age of 30 functions. I played. I would say some of the tastiest tennis I've ever played, you know, running slowly back and forth.
tossing the ball back over the net. retrieving the balls serving it probably around 70 miles an hour. Hitting it not super fast, not running super fast, pretty much staying in the same place.
And I want to die after every single match.
I come back from those tennis matches.
A zombie unlike a zombie in the car.
I'm just staring out into the distance not quite knowing what my brain is going to tell me what to do next.
I get back into the house. I'm just zoning out my legs lock up my lower back locks up.
And I'm thinking
I'm 33
Tom Brady
must have gone into a hyperbaric coffin chamber after every single game.
He must have just gone home and dove face first into an ice cube
I don't care how many Giselle back rubs you get you're not getting over that feeling because I felt that way after a leisurely tennis game. And he's playing against monsters
I'm sitting on the couch here they have two cats.
And you know cats they're looking at me like he might die we might get to eat him soon.
With their dead eyed stares
that's the thing with cats. They would eat you immediately upon death.
scientific fact.
Let me look it up actually.
How long until a cat
eats your face off?
After you die
oh my god. After a Romanian woman died in 2008 Her cat ate her entire corpse
if you die by
eat the entire corpse. Why is
it
This woman had no friends. Because that had to take like weeks upon weeks.
While she had a cat, maybe she had no friends.
By the way, when did it like become cool to be like a crazy cat lady? It's like a trending thing on Twitter now. You're like, Ooh, I'm a crazy cat lady. Isn't that fun? Like back in the day, it was like, Oh, she got a cat. What a loser. Might as well pack it up, lady. Yay, never finding a husband.
Now, it's like, I'm gonna get a crazy cat lady mug. And I'm gonna say I'm a crazy cat lady.
I'm not, you know, I'm just stating a fact, the evolution of it has taken place. And it's now cool to be obsessed with cats. Whereas back in the day was not cool.
You know? It was like
I don't know, I don't know what the relation is.
It's like something I'll tell you. It's like something.
It's like, you know what it is? It's like, how like fat people are super cool. Now.
It's like Liz's backup dancers.
That job did not exist before. Lizzo by the way, like, backup dancer for a fat person. That didn't exist until Lizzo came along.
And now they're turning on her.
So what she made you eat a pussy banana? Who cares? You didn't have a job before this.
Now it's like,
you know, it's progressed, and I'm not fat shaming is progressed to a point now. Where
there's one of the cats right now. Did you hear it?
It's checking me out. It's seen if I'm gonna die soon to eat my face off.
Well, that's just going to be the background of the podcast now get ready for
there he is again.
What was I talking about? Lizards, lizards, dancers? Or was he talking about cats eating people again? Who knows?
Now let's get back to the lizard thing.
At some point, there is a switch much like the crazy cat lady thing. At some point, there's a switch of like, hey, we shouldn't make fun of fat people. That's not nice. I completely agree. And then it was like, Hey, you can't even say anything about, you know, becoming healthy, because that would kind of shame a fat person. And then people are like, okay, and then it became like, fat people is the way to go. And Lizzo or Adele, if you even think of losing weight, then you have gone against the fat community, and we will cancel you.
Why can't someone become healthy? It's like, I get it. Don't make fun of someone you don't know their past. You don't know their mental history. You don't know if they have slow metabolism. I get it. Don't make fun of people. But like when did it become like, you have to be fat to be cool now.
And then to have the goal to be one of our backup dancers.
Who the job didn't exist before Lizzo there was like Taylor Swift wasn't hiring like the fattest people of all time to become her dancers.
You see, I'm saying like, like, Am I going crazy here? Like
a little appreciation?
I mean, they're mad because they're like, why are you making the workout so much? Alyssa gets to come up like strat up there and play a flute and then the fucking show's over.
They have to be dancing every single night as a larger woman that's bad on the joints. It's hard. It's hard doing it. It's hard dancing every night as just a normal person. It's like, like, if you ask me, the guy who can't play tennis for more than an hour without seizing up, and I work out every day. If you ask me to be in the Lizzo backup dancers every night.
I would quit. I couldn't do it. I don't know how a larger woman does it. Now that woman has anything to do it but that's what they are.
I don't know how a larger human would do it.
Right? So now they're a little angry. But again, back to my point, the job. Fat backup dancer was never a job description before Lizzo and like if you got to eat
various fruits out of various orifices to keep that job I just I just don't see the big deal. Anyways, back to the crazy cat lady thing. That's the same progression it was like, up she is a crazy cat lady to like, oh god, she's turning into a crazy cat lady to Oh, she's a crazy cat lady, too. Isn't it cool and quirky of me to be a crazy cat lady to women should have cats and if you don't, you're not cool.
I feel like I've spent yeah, I've spent 10 minutes on this subject and it's totally worth it
so the cats are looking at me like I'm gonna die after my tennis matches here.
And they would let me get back to this they'll eat you immediate. Okay, so Romanian woman died, and her cat ate her entire corpse in 2008. I'll tell you what, she wasn't the size of those lizard dancers because it would have taken way more than a couple of weeks to eat one of those lizard dancers, so she must have been like a small little woman
of color according to the phenomenon called post mortem predation. A cat will eat your dead body one or two days after you die. It's not even hungry at that point.
Studies have shown that dogs will least wait a week before attacking your corpse.
A cat barely waits like the end of the Seinfeld episode.
You haven't finished your Netflix show before the cats gnawing on your ear.
Why else do cat sock?
I mean, I'm kind of starting to like these cats here. Oh, there's a reason for that. Here it is. The reason you even like cats in the first place. First place is because of parasite in your brain.
So they're just tricking you.
Toxoplasma gondii manipulates your behavior to force you to like cats
can only reproduce in the digestive track of cats.
This is wild. Scientists study the behavior of T gondii. In the brain of a rodent an animal normally petrified by cats and uncovered extraordinary results T gondii. manipulated a rodents brain or move the rodents fear of cats slow the rodents reaction time and make the rodent attracted to the smell of cat urine. Now the newly brave manipulated rat thinks they can be friend it's mortal enemy. So if you like cats, you're just being tricked
you know?
That doesn't seem right.
They always say oh dogs are like guys catch like women. This is true. They trick you.
Yeah, woman. Oh, no trickier. She'll be like, she'll wear that perfume. She'll get all done up. You you propose to her and then before you know it, you're waking up to
Fright Night came early. And you're like what happened here? They probably that perfume that she was wearing she has Toxoplasma gondii in it. And she's like, I'll show you motherfucker. I'm going to trick you into marrying me. And then you have no choice now.
Damn time isn't time is crazy. Because
something
something you like now in five years you could totally not like and if you get tricked into that
I mean, it's a completely ridiculous point. Obviously women don't.
It's comedy. It's called a joke. Okay, let's get back to sports. We're talking about
back to sports. NFL linemen. Let's let's connect here. Lizzo backup dancers. NFL linemen. They're basically the same thing. Let's get into the NFL. I've been gearing up for my fantasy
The draft,
which is exciting. You know, it's that time of year when you're like looking at like the fourth string on the Miami Dolphins and you're like,
wonder when I should reach for him. But I love it. It's like Christmas to me. Fantasy Football has taken the place of Christmas for me. I used to wake up is like a kid.
And I'd run downstairs on Christmas morning, and I was so excited.
And I still get some of that excitement seeing the joy and my brother's kids.
But for me, personally, the start of the NFL season and fantasy football is now my Christmas. I can't sleep the night before. constantly thinking about how am I going to be picking. I'm already choosing out my games I want to go to
it's amazing thing.
And even though I've gotten into some of the other sports, baseball, I've mentioned that on the podcast, nothing replaces football.
It's just
you wake up on a Sunday morning.
I have to make sure though, on a Saturday that I've done like
I've like completed the work I have for Monday on Saturday, then I have to wake up on Sunday. Work out really hard. Do a couple more things for work on Monday, just so my mind is completely clear. And I feel like I've worked out right.
So I feel like I've been very productive in the weekend. So I'm allowed to from noon or one in an Eastern Time sit on a couch and watch football all the way till 10pm.
Because if you don't do that, I mean, so that's my weekend now.
I have too many responsibilities at work.
To like back in the day you had a job, but you're like fuck that. I'm going out Saturday, I'm going to Friday.
Hell, I'm going out Friday. I'm going out Saturday, and I'm gonna watch football day Sunday.
And I'm gonna roll into work, because I don't have any responsibilities. Now, that's not the case anymore. I have to be ready for Monday. So to compensate, I sacrifice the rest of my weekend so that I'm allowed to watch and be a lazy piece of shit all day Sunday. But I love it. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I mean, I would like if they paid me what they paid me now. expected nothing, no responsibility.
I would still go out Friday and Saturday night i think i would
i would also buy an NFL team if let's say I won the lottery.
We just watched this movie Blackberry. And he becomes super rich and almost immediately his passion is the NHL. He immediately tries to buy an NHL team. That's exactly what I would do, but for the NFL. So if I created the next Blackberry or iPhone or won the lottery
I would definitely buy a team and then I would become my own worst enemy.
Right now I'm looking in the Orioles. I'm like what a piece of shit owner they have.
John P Angeles.
Not signing the lease getting meddling in the broadcast team meddling with the team. I would do the same shit.
I'd be like Jerry Jones, it'd be like on a golf cart on the field. Tell him like an elite athlete. Like have you ever thought about catching the ball like this?
And everyone would be like, you don't know shit about football. You played like grade school football. And I'd be like, Yeah, but I own the team. So now I'm going to metal.
Speaking of metal, I went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this weekend.
That was I was interesting. Very interesting. Because you see the progression of like humanity through music. And I gotta say, it's progressing pretty poorly.
Like if you used music as the barometer
of how we're doing as a nation, it's only been going downhill like we start with like Elvis and we're having fun, right? We're having fun, then we're still having fun in the 70s but we're getting in the psychedelics, right so it's a little bit more dangerous. There's little bit more dark
But we're still having fun, then we're not then we're then okay, where we take a turn. And we're in punk. Right? So a little bit more violent, but we're still having fun quite is like the progression from cat lady or being fat. It's like, at a certain point, when do we just tell ourselves that this isn't good for us?
So we're getting from psychedelic to punk.
And then we go from punk to grunge.
And that's when things we should have stopped there and said, What are we doing?
And now like now I'm looking at it and like, we jumped like Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They don't even have rock and roll in their mind anymore rock and roll died in my opinion, years ago.
And now it's just like, we like jump from grunge to basically rap. And then from rap to EDM and like,
it's not like the you have look back. You're like, what happened to Elvis?
You know, I'm saying like, what happens like we should go back to then.
Like, EDM, it's like a reflection of society. It's like, oh, well, we just have fuckin you know, BP booboo noises and robots will create everything, and AI will handle our daily decisions. And we don't really have to think anymore, and we don't really have to go out doors anymore. And before you know it, we're plugged into the fucking wall, like we're in the matrix.
But maybe,
just maybe
I don't need to win the lottery anymore. And I don't need to build Blackberry, because I won't be able to tell the difference between when I'm plugged in. And I'm a fake owner of an NFL team. And if I really was doing it.
It's a wild thought, I know. That's what I'm here for.
But I'm happy for the NFL.
Coming around the corner, and I'm really happy for my next stop, which will be Baltimore
for Orioles baseball in September, the start of the NFL season, so I'll get to see weirdly, I'll get to see competitive Orioles, and the Ravens start.
Before October starts, which is amazing.
I haven't had that happen ever.
And I don't think it has actually happened in Baltimore history in like 20 years. So
we'll say I'm ready for the mean streets of Baltimore. And then the NBA is right around the corner after that.
And the drama has already started in the NBA, we had James Harden, say Daryl Morey is a liar. And I will not work with him anymore. In fact, I won't be a part of any organization that he's a part of. And he said that at a child or at a camp for children in China.
To which I was like,
what are those kids thinking of?
They're like, do we get the dribble yet? What are you What is this? What is this soap opera you're going off on?
And then he came out and he said, That's nothing.
I'm going to make things very uncomfortable for them.
Dude, you're like, nearly 35 Like it's time to get over the bad breakup.
Like, can't you be mature in your breakups, like after 30. Like, you tell the partner you're with, like, look, because of this reason, and that reason I don't see a future for us anymore. And then you kind of just break up. What you don't do is set the house on fire. And that's what James Harden did.
And what a weird venue like lame did like, have your publicist. Just release that statement. What you don't need to say it at your summer camp for children. And they're all like looking at each other. Like what?
What did this 34 year old man just say?
He was like, that'll be on Twitter.
I'm gonna use leverage Twitter. What a lame time we live in.
I'm gonna leverage Twitter. Oh, my bad. I'm gonna leverage X
We need to go back to the Elvis days
before James Howard.
Before we were leveraging Twitter and thinking we were cool because we did it that way.
I but I do love the NBA drama. You can't beat this drama in the NBA. And it's because there's so little people on each team that they can actually sway and an organization. NFL, they're like, shut the fuck up. There's 52 other guys like you. And there's a billion more waiting to get in the NBA. There's only one James Horton.
I mean, there's many guys on his tear talent wise, but it's very few. There's only been 400 People that have played in the NBA.
And so James Harden really can stir up some drama and he and not and be in control of it.
He did that on purpose. He probably learned it from LeBrons playbook.
I although he LeBrons at least subtle James Harden came at it with like a sledge hammer and a fucking chainsaw.
I don't know if he what you do if you're them. I mean,
you i,
the whole reason they have the leverage is because they don't want to lose the player for zero. Get back, right? So they want to be able to trade James Harden, he only has a year left on his deal. And then he's a free agent, right? So you want something for him. He's saying I want to leave now. So you want to get some form, you might as well trade them. Again, if I won the lottery, if I created a Blackberry, why do I care about money? And why do I care about leveraging any of that for my team, I would say fuck you. You're not getting any money. And you're gonna sit out a year have fun.
Not going to be going to too many more strip clubs with $0 in your bank account.
I'm sure he has plenty of money. Okay, again, I make these statements as a point. I go a little bit over the top.
And like boohoo James Harden, you've made hundreds upon hundreds of millions in your career. You didn't play that well last year. And so the GM said, Hey, bud, I'm not going to be paying you another 200 million, take 50 million and be happy on giving you that. And he's like, throwing a temper tantrum because he's going to make $50 million next year.
Wild stuff I wish that was my problem.
I wish that was my although if you're him, you're probably thinking even a grander scale. Right? There's a certain point of rich were
like remember, when you're a kid, you're like, if I get rich one day
I'm gonna get a house like that kid and blank check. I'm gonna have like a fucking trampoline into the swimming pool, right? Because your kid and that's what you think is awesome.
And it is awesome. And we should keep to that thought process.
But then you get older, right? And then you're like, I'm gonna make so much money. I'm gonna have sex with any girl I want. I'm gonna you know, drive a dope car, I'm gonna buy a big house, right? And then you get to like James Harden rich, and then you're like,
I want my entire generation upon generations of kids to be rich. And I might want to own a team one day, and so I need to make like almost a billion dollars
and then there's even a step higher than that. And it's like Bill Gates rich and then you're like, I want to control the mosquitoes
hear about this
there's actually an article I was reading about mosquito control.
All right, this podcast gone off the real rails. But let me let me just let me close on this
mosquito vaccine.
Oh, is he an anti Vaxxer?
No, this is on NPR. Okay, NPR.