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We all carry something. In this soulful and deeply human podcast, Marilyn Getas Byrne holds heartfelt conversations with people who’ve lived through the unthinkable—and made their way back to joy. These are real stories of pain, healing, and what it truly means to choose happy.
Today's episode of I choose happy is brought to you by the comfy, wearable blankets that make life happier. Go to the comfy.com to get 20% off your first order by using the code I choose happy at checkout. The comfy, relax like you mean it.
Aundria:He had supreme intelligence. He was able to manipulate and brainwash very, very established people.
Marilyn:Welcome to I Choose Happy, the show about what we carry and what sets us free. You'll hear stories about loss, hardship, and reclaiming your joy. I'm Marilyn Giedis Byrne, and on the show today, Andrea Adams, who broke free from childhood abuse, but her search for safety led her straight into a cult. Andrea Adams understands the journey from abuse and suffering to freedom and healing better than anybody. Her story is layered with pain, but also with clarity, resilience, and so much grace.
Marilyn:Andrea grew up on Staten Island in New York. As a child, she faced unimaginable trauma at the hands of people who should have protected her, and yet, somehow, she made the brave decision to break free from the cycle of abuse. She ran away from home and then moved in with her grandmother as a teenager, and that small shift just four miles away marked the beginning of a very long, very personal journey. Today, she lives in Arizona. She's a loving wife and mother married for seventeen years, raising two boys, and she has done the deep inner work to understand that her past doesn't have to define her future.
Marilyn:In this conversation, Andrea shares what it's like to feel starved for love and how that deep pain could lead to some dark places.
Aundria:My parents were married very young, early twenties. They were pregnant and forced to get married, so they weren't really ready for a relationship. And I was the product of that situation. So they didn't know how to parent. They didn't know how to be in a relationship, plus they had their own baggage of their own.
Aundria:They divorced when I was about four years old. My father was in my life on the weekends, and he was a positive influence in my life. But my mother, I suspect, had mental health issues. She was very abusive, very violent emotionally, physically. She was a pit viper.
Aundria:There was no loving kindness that existed within her and I can't speak for her, my mother's past. I'm sure it came from her upbringing. She held a lot of pain inside and took it out on me and I think because she had me at such a young age, she felt resentful. She remarried an alcoholic. My stepfather was severely abusive, especially verbally to the whole family.
Aundria:He probably had PTSD. I'm not giving excuses for being an abuser, but this is his background. He was the Vietnam War, he had a lot of faced a lot of tragedy. The cops came to our house multiple times, he broke my mother's nose, he threatened to kill our family with a gun, like, all all the horrible things you could think of and this was the environment that I'd grown up in and it was really challenging. I felt love starved.
Aundria:My mother was not affectionate, she didn't hug or kiss me or tell me I was great, it was quite the opposite so I think feeling so love starved by the one person who is supposed to nurture you and protect you eventually creates so much pain inside that it becomes unbearable. So at a very early age, 11 years old, I attempted suicide and I used the belt from my mother's purple robe that she wore all the time. I tried to take my life in my closet and it fortunately for me did not work out. I think the reason I chose the robe, looking back on it, this wasn't a conscious decision at the time was that was the only comforting thing that existed between me and my mother was when I would put that robe on. So looking back on it, it was painful.
Aundria:Was painful to grow up like that.
Marilyn:What did you do as a child to find any love anywhere? I mean, did you have a grandparent? Did you have somebody in your life that you could count on?
Aundria:Yes. Both of my maternal and paternal grandmothers were very loving towards me. So that's where I learned love and unconditional love and the fact that it even existed. And I wanted more of that in my life. I just didn't know how to get it.
Marilyn:Did you have hobbies or something growing up that kind of helped balance a little bit of that chaos that you were growing up in?
Aundria:What helped me the most was the fact that society was so different back then. There were no there was no Internet. There were no screens to escape into. You just left the house and you found friends to play with or you were in the woods or you used your imagination. And my best friend lives around the corner and just to be able to be a kid and see the way she interacted with her family and just be a regular child and see normalcy, that's what really helped me.
Aundria:I mean, I did have hobbies in high school, but before then, it was just being a feral kid.
Marilyn:But you had this awareness of knowing and that you could identify that she was living in a household that had more of a normal, healthy, not a toxic environment. You could see that there was a a a clear difference there.
Aundria:Absolutely. And I think her mother recognized the abuse that was going on in my house and had become a lighthouse for me. And when I looked at my father and my grandparents, I could see what I was going through wasn't normal for everybody. I saw that they complimented, encouraged their kids. My friends didn't have the depression, they didn't self harm, they didn't have eating disorders, they weren't suicidal, all the side effects I had of growing up in such abuse.
Aundria:So yeah, they were the beacon of hope for me saying my using my intuition saying, that's what I want in my life. This, I don't want any more of.
Marilyn:What got you out of the situation from that living environment at home?
Aundria:There came a point where the abuse got so severe and my suicidal ideation and depression was overwhelming that I said if I don't get out of this, I don't know what's going to happen to me. So I decided to run away. When you're a teenager and you're becoming a young woman at this point, getting beat is humiliating and you know, you're not a child anymore. So it just wasn't acceptable to me and it just felt like I was gonna stand up for myself. That wasn't gonna be something I was gonna allow in my life anymore and I wasn't coming back.
Aundria:I didn't know how I was gonna survive, but that was the choice I made. I packed up and I headed to my best friend's house and her mother took me in and she understood and she was willing to help me navigate how to be a 16 year old high school student who needs an apartment or whatever that was gonna look like, she was gonna help me figure that out. Then my paternal grandmother called the next morning and said, that's it, you're gonna come live with And that was what changed my entire life. The fact that my grandmother just loved me so much to give me a chance to be a normal human being.
Marilyn:Did that propel you that kind of feeling that love, getting some of that nourishment that you so needed at the heart level? Did that propel you to start thinking about the healing that needed to be done, or was that too early in your life to kind of make that connection that there was there was a way to heal all of this?
Aundria:I think it didn't happen right away. I just wanted a chance to make something better of myself to prove that I wasn't a handful, I wasn't a problem child, I wasn't destined for failure, and all the horrible things I was told. I got good grades. I joined theater club. I started counseling, going to counseling and an outreach center which started helping me and then I figured out I need to make some money.
Aundria:I need to go to college. So I started bartending and started to earn money and enrolled in college and it was from there I realized, okay, I'm doing all the things. I'm propelling myself forward, I'm becoming independent but inside, I'm still suffering. I still need to fix the depression. How do I make better choices?
Aundria:I don't wanna repeat the same mistakes. I was just petrified to just become my mother.
Marilyn:But and it's so remarkable to me that you had these thoughts that you were aware enough or had the desire to know that there was that there was a way and that you were gonna get there. Is that hardwired in you? What do you think that is? Is that a self awareness that you always had and carried and didn't lose along the way?
Aundria:Yeah. I I think it's hardwired partially, but I also think that children who grow up in super abusive situations have no choice but to become socially aware because you don't want to attract negative attention. So you're always looking at the outside as to how that's gonna affect you, who's in what emotional state, how are they being.
Marilyn:So Hypervigilance.
Aundria:Yeah. I think I learned from my environment, and I was intelligent enough to take that information and use it in a constructive way.
Marilyn:What were the next steps? You're getting some solid footing.
Aundria:Yeah. She taught me how to open up a bank account. Yeah. Be independent, going to college.
Marilyn:Did you feel joy? Were you feeling joyful, light? Were you feeling all the things that you were looking for?
Aundria:It felt like night and day from you know, I was living in a powder keg, and now somebody actually cared enough about me to give me a chance and I was I was doing well. I wasn't perfect, but I was doing well and doing all the things that were gonna give me a better life. So I did feel happy. I felt independent. I was proud of myself.
Marilyn:And then this helped kind of propel you into next steps of new growth.
Aundria:Right. So I think by the time I was 18 so this happened at 16, I ran away. So it took about two years for me to realize, okay, this looks good on paper, I'm doing all the things but inside, I'm still hurting, I'm still choosing bad relationships, I'm still gravitating towards negativity and I don't know how to change that. So I I knew I needed mental health treatment. So the person I was dating at the time was getting his doctorate in psychology.
Aundria:He was seeing a psychologist. I'd never seen a psychologist before, only like a counselor. So to see a doctor, that was really gonna help me. And that's where I started seeing doctor Henry. He was my boyfriend's therapist and mentor.
Marilyn:When we come back, Andrea meets a therapist who she thought was going to change her life, and he did, but for all the wrong reasons. Alright. Quick Comfy moment before we keep going. I wanna thank The Comfy, our presenting sponsor, and two people I just love, Brian and Michael Special, for helping bring this show to life. The Comfy is more than just a wearable blanket.
Marilyn:It's one of those small joys that can completely change your day, Whether I'm having my coffee in the morning, journaling, or just needing a little comfort, my comfy's right there, and you can grab yours at thecomfy.com. Don't forget to use our code, I choose happy for 20 off. The comfy relax like you mean it. Welcome back to I choose happy. So far, we have seen incredible resilience in Andrea running away from her abusive home life and finding some peace with her grandmother.
Marilyn:Now in her pursuit of deeper healing, her boyfriend has recommended his own therapist and mentor, doctor Henry. What was it that he portrayed to give you that sense of confidence right away?
Aundria:Was just the way that my boyfriend spoke about him, the gains he had made in his own life being in treatment with him, just how stable he was as a human being and he was so unlike anybody I'd ever dated before, much more mature and together and I think I saw that and saw that as validation.
Marilyn:And here you are seeking this safe haven of healing. Were there red flags in the very beginning that something could be off with doctor Henry?
Aundria:There were hundreds of red flags. He was like a snake, you know, slithering in the grass and you didn't even know he was coming until he bit you. He had supreme intelligence. He was able to manipulate and brainwash very, very established people but when you're 18 and you don't know any better, you're I was naive. And I think the information that's becoming available now was not out back then.
Aundria:So, yes, there were tons of red flags I would say. The first one was being invited on vacation as a group of patients. Before I was his official patient, I was invited to go with my boyfriend and a group of patients on a retreat for the weekend with his therapist and his girlfriend.
Marilyn:Woah. That's different.
Aundria:I just thought, wow. This guy must be amazing. They all wanna spend time with him, and he's so caring that he's gonna volunteer his time to do this for his patients.
Marilyn:More and more validation. Everybody else trusts him?
Aundria:Mhmm. And when when I got there, this these weren't people like me. These were doctors and lawyers and military professionals. These were established people.
Marilyn:Did you feel out of the loop because of your age at all, or did you feel quickly brought in by the rest?
Aundria:No. I had tremendous insecurity, but it was all me. They wouldn't make me feel like an outcast. Just felt like, wow. How did I get here?
Aundria:What is this? I don't and I I don't belong. I'm just this teenager and these people are so successful. How do I get to be like them?
Marilyn:You talk about in another podcast about a moment when you're now seeing doctor Henry regularly in his office, and you break down for the first time. And there was a reaction by him that alarmed you when he went to comfort you.
Aundria:I was in the middle of coming to some sort of heartfelt realization. And he got up from his chair, scooped me up like an infant almost and brought me over to his seat and like cradled me and I felt like my skin was on fire. Like I did not come from affection. I didn't come from this was not normal and the I mean, when I look back on that, I don't even know how he could think that that would go over well with anybody. But I immediately got up.
Aundria:I I think I left. I think I was just so panic stricken that I had to leave the office at that point and somehow got reinforced by my boyfriend, some other patients to say, he just cares about you, he was trying to comfort you and made to believe that my instincts were questionable, that I just didn't understand what affection looked like, that this is the way I was being helped, and he's just unconventional.
Marilyn:Right. And here, this this this voice of authority who I'm guessing, and I know you've actually shared before too, always going back to the childhood trauma and you just didn't understand. So it always was coming back onto you.
Aundria:Right. Always self blame, questioning myself. Even though in my mind, it was clear as day. Like, I didn't have to understand my physical reaction was telling me, you know, fight or flight.
Marilyn:Was visceral. Visceral. Yeah. Oh, absolute. Okay.
Marilyn:So so this relationship goes on. You are deepening this ritual of seeing him twice a week, I believe.
Aundria:Yeah. Twice a week for six years.
Marilyn:Wow. Where did things fall apart?
Aundria:I think it was a slow unraveling. It wasn't a quick one thing happened and then it was over. It was a slow erosion of my instincts, learning my vulnerabilities and replacing himself as the solution. He had started to recommend that I distance myself from people that were in my life, they were toxic, family members, friends and all of a sudden I found my social circle becoming smaller and smaller and mostly containing other patients and then he would invite us out together. We would go on trips to the city, out to dinner, he'd reserve tables as Doctor.
Aundria:Henry and you just felt like you were in this special elite group, he would teach you that, you know, nobody understands you guys. You are becoming healthy. The rest of the world is not. So you wanna surround yourself with us healthy people and not
Marilyn:So he's wanting you to discard friendships, family members, and devote all of that attention onto him.
Aundria:In a slow burn kind of way.
Marilyn:Sounds cultish. Sounds like a cult.
Aundria:It was a cult now that I look back on it. At the time, cults were reserved for Jim Jones and Charles Manson, so you would never think and this wasn't a spiritual environment either. So Yeah. Your therapist certainly isn't gonna be a cult leader. Little did I know.
Marilyn:Yes. How easy for him to sort of fly under the radar when he's so manipulative, so narcissistic it sounds.
Aundria:Right. Yeah. And then he started recruiting, having us recruit people into treatment. So at one point, I had recruited probably seven people and my father was one of them. My father was swept up pretty quickly into the cult, my best friend, some other friends of mine.
Aundria:Yeah, so if you wanted to be in my life, I was convinced that you needed to go to treatment because he was gonna make you better. He you were gonna be healthy and this is Wow. This was gonna be good for everybody.
Marilyn:Wow.
Aundria:So that was the the start and then what ended up happening was, he had a patient who was a licensed psychologist and seemed to be his star patient. And at one point she had suggested to me that since she did not have a daughter and my mother was just not much of a mother at all, that she would be my new mother. She would be honored if I would be her daughter. So she took on that role of my mother in this cult environment, and now I have this new mother who
Marilyn:And she's sweet to you and generous to you.
Aundria:She was one of the most beautiful people at the time that I'd ever met. Sweet, generous, successful. She was a sergeant in the military. She was a pianist. She was an author.
Aundria:She was all the things, like, mind blowing. Like, is this a real human being? And you want me to be your daughter? And
Marilyn:And it's what you've always wanted.
Aundria:Right.
Marilyn:What you've always wanted, that motherly love.
Aundria:Right. So that was another aspect of my treatment was treatment twice a week, friends through therapy, social situations through therapy, my new mother through therapy.
Marilyn:And there is I'm hearing betrayal coming again.
Aundria:For certain, there was a lot of betrayal that ended up happening. And I don't mean to smile, but I mean, when I look back on it, it's just if you don't laugh about it, you gotta you're probably gonna cry. So at one point, the therapist, my therapist, Doctor. Henry, he would slowly insert himself inappropriately into my life where he would after sessions, you know, he'd give me hugs and then he would kiss me on the lip. I thought it was like a grandfather type like, oh, he's just being affectionate and and then he would grab my face and kiss me on the lips and I just, anytime I would express to him that this feels a little uncomfortable, he would tell me that I don't know what a true friendship is like.
Aundria:I I don't know what affection is like and that's why my alarm bells are going off. That it's my issues, not him. He's trying to help me.
Marilyn:And you've had a life of of blaming yourself, so that probably felt pretty comfortable. Or were you getting to a breaking point where you thought, no. No. No. No.
Marilyn:There's something here that really is not okay.
Aundria:Over time, it progressed. So it went from kissing. And now my new mother who had watched him kiss me once on the lips and tell me, we're going to take care of each other, looked at me and said, doctor Henry really loves you instead of, what the hell is going on right now? Like, he shouldn't be kissing you on the lips. So she's reinforcing his behavior of my new mother and the lines were so blurred but it had gotten to the point where he was inviting me out alone.
Aundria:He was making inappropriate comments and at one point physically touched me where I said, this is this is not questionable. This is not maybe. This is wrong. Mhmm. And I think that was
Marilyn:That was the breaking point. And was she more of an accomplice? I'm trying to understand her relationship with him as it related back to you.
Aundria:I think this is the question I ask myself to this day. Was she just another victim or was she instrumental and as maniacal as he was? She was an intelligent person so I know she had to at some point know better. There there had to have been a point because he was he was doing horrible things to other I was not the only one. He's breaking up relationships, he's breaking up marriages, he's having doctors oversee some of his patients and consulting with them on how to change medications and really over the top behavior and one, the thing that broke my relationship off with her was Doctor.
Aundria:Henry didn't like some somebody that I was seeing at the time and he wanted that relationship to be over And I had shared all the secrets about this relationship with my new mother and Doctor. Henry convinced her to tell them all to my father. So, the one time I'd confided in my mother about things I would never do because I could never trust a woman, she completely betrayed me because Doctor. Henry wanted this man out of my life.
Marilyn:Oh, just so heartbreaking.
Aundria:In the end, what happened was I felt that same instinct I did the day I ran away from home was I have to get the hell out of here or I'm I'm not gonna survive this. And the cult had sucked my father in so badly that he had turned on me too. So he was defending Doctor. Henry and I just said, if I'm gonna leave this, I have to move. So I put a proposal together to the advertising agency I worked for to open up an office in Arizona.
Aundria:They said yes and I just by myself and there was somebody on my team that was willing to go too, but just left moved across the country and said I wanna start over. I don't know what I'm doing, but not this anymore.
Marilyn:And you did it.
Aundria:And I did it.
Marilyn:And you did find ultimately some support in another therapist that you could finally truly trust and that helped get you through.
Aundria:I didn't give up on therapy. I did know there were benefits, and I wasn't gonna let one bad apple ruin the whole bunch. I couldn't. So my choice was to to be a victim of my circumstances and blame them for every horrible thing that would happen in my future or take control of my future and say, okay, I'm gonna try again. At least I know what to look for.
Aundria:I know what I don't want, right? So I didn't find my therapist right away. I went through a couple before I'd found the one and let me this was very important. The reason he stood out to me was because in his profile, he didn't talk about how wonderful he was, he didn't talk about all his accolades, He talked about how he was gonna help his patients and how he did it and how much he cared about his patients and it just felt so genuine and authentic and I said, you know what? I'm going to give this man a chance.
Aundria:And I saw that man for twenty years until he the day he retired. So especially
Marilyn:I feel that with you right now. What a journey, Andrea. And for you to have the courage because recently, someone said it was a cancer patient who was saying, everyone's telling me I have all this courage, but I really just have strength because I don't have a choice.
Aundria:Right.
Marilyn:And courage is when you have the choice. And when he said that, that really struck me. Yeah. You you had the strength and the courage. You had the courage to make a choice.
Marilyn:And somehow in you, you knew that choice was an option. That's so powerful for people to hear and understand.
Aundria:And I hope they understand it's an option for everybody. It's an option. You just have to be self aware and and never settle. Never settle.
Marilyn:To be betrayed so many times in your life, in your young life, but so formative. And to somehow keep following your gut
Aundria:Mhmm.
Marilyn:And saying, no. No. I'm I'm gonna I I do need this. I still need this healing. It's remarkable to me.
Aundria:Thank you. Thank you.
Marilyn:And and it just gives I think everyone listening to this can't help but feel some hope in whatever situation they're in, that there's always light in that darkness. And there is always this this joy that you can find through the process of discovering yourself, your true self. And you are so aligned with who you are, and you are giving it back. How much has owning this life, owning your experiences I don't even think owning, but accepting accepting, and then looking back and seeing that you keep showing up, that has got to bolster you in ways that has led you now to a life as a mother, a wife. You have two young boys who are playing hockey, and and and you support them in a loving marriage and tell us about you're happy now.
Aundria:I think it was a continuous course of healing that went beyond therapy and to always had have seeked out the light in others and life is not black and white. Just because I went through this horrible experience doesn't mean I didn't learn anything from it. So I had a choice to take the information and use it in a positive way or fall victim to whatever that was and when you take your experiences as learning experiences, when you look at them from that perspective, you can't help but grow. You can't help but influence others in a positive way. I think that's what brought me to my happy and I am happy.
Aundria:Like I said, I'm not perfect but I love who I am today and I don't regret anything. I hope other people who have gone through adversity and this is why I advocate, this is why I wanna educate people on therapist abuse awareness and people who've gone through really tumultuous situations is it's not over. There is joy. You can find it. If I was looking at me from the outside, I would say, oh my god, that girl is destined for failure, like how how would you ever come out of this?
Aundria:So if I could do it, you could do it.
Marilyn:How have you been able to heal some of those betrayals in your own life by becoming the mother to your boys that is so precious? This relationship you have with your own children is so precious. How has that shaped you as a mother?
Aundria:Fortunately, my father's third wife was a phenomenal woman and is still a phenomenal woman and was the mother figure that I had longed for and always stayed supportive. So I had her to fall back on but I learned what I was missing as a child and I wanted to give that to my own children. And I'd say for somebody like me, parenting is very hard because you never learn those fundamental skills that you get from a mother. So you have to work extra hard and you feel very easily provoked or anxiety ridden or I didn't have the toolbox to handle certain emotions that come along with being a parent, but I did the absolute best I can. I have a wonderful family, and I I think I've succeeded.
Aundria:My kids seem to like me, so
Marilyn:that's okay. We're so happy for you. You know, I think it would be so helpful if you could share maybe some of the tools that you have learned along the way to bring you back to center, to bring you back to peace, to bring you back to happy. Like, what do you do when you're feeling a little overwhelmed? Where do you go to kinda get back to that place of, oh, okay.
Marilyn:All is well. I
Aundria:think it's going to be different for everybody, and this is only what I do for myself. So everybody has to find their own happy, but I love nature. I love to be in nature. I feel comforted in nature. I do love to hike.
Aundria:I love to be in the outdoors. We have a cabin. I also love to try to self reflect and meditate and I really think that helps me calm my mind and bring me back to that sense of self awareness. Not let your thoughts run away from you, not get caught up in the chaos. I like to experience new things.
Aundria:I like to think about expanding consciousness and trying sound healing or you know, some new yoga or whatever. I just like to try new experiences and I'm a writer. I love to write and that's what got me through a lot when I was younger was I would just write poetry and even if it sucked, just wrote it all down and it came out of my soul and I think it was very therapeutic to me. So and spending time with my family now. I've created this beautiful family and I'm so grateful.
Aundria:So any minute I get to do something fun with them, I I really enjoy that. That's my happy.
Marilyn:And gratitude. Right?
Aundria:Oh, for sure. I think I do that every morning, and that makes a huge difference. And I try to teach my children that as well. Just wake up in the morning and think of three things you're grateful for, and then go to bed and do the same thing so that those are the seeds that you plant in your heart.
Marilyn:I always say that's what then you're marinating on throughout the night for the next eight hours is is is that gratitude and something. And it's so powerful because it's intentional. And I think our minds automatically imprint the negative experiences of our lives so quickly and easily. But I think when really good things or we're noticing something, and it could be the beauty of a landscape or a bird or a tree, you know, being out in nature and and and recognizing that we have all of this around us. But I think it's so important at times to to be intentional about imprinting that moment of gratitude and just acknowledging, being aware enough to say, oh, wow.
Marilyn:I'm gonna take this moment and really take in this good stuff. For me, that is that's helpful.
Aundria:I completely understand that. And just to be in that present moment, to be in that present moment of gratitude and whatever you're experiencing at the time. And I think that's even helpful when you think of negative experiences. So even if you're going through anger instead of trying to avoid it, you just stay present in it for a minute and really think about what it's trying to teach you instead of running away from it and then having it resurface again later. So I I agree with you.
Marilyn:Whether you've had this betrayal or abuse in your life or you've had cancer or you've had, struggles, people who've had struggles with mental illness. I mean, whatever it is that we're facing in our lives. I know when I was diagnosed with cancer and I had two young children, I was so afraid of orphaning those kids. I did not want to leave them. Right.
Marilyn:And there were times that that fear was really overwhelming. And cancer gave me a lot of opportunities to practice overcoming. And practice just sitting in it in the moment. And I realized the more I turned into the fear and even invited it in, I could get more comfortable with the uncomfortable. And then the real visceral feeling, that scary feeling would dissipate.
Marilyn:And it became like a little superpower because I instead of running away or trying to distract myself, I just learned through practice to say, okay. This is a scary feeling, but this is not gonna last long. And if I actually just acknowledged it, I think within about ninety seconds max Right. I was already feel I was already feeling better. And it was almost like that energy could just move through me and not get stuck or buried down.
Aundria:Incredible.
Marilyn:And and it sounds like that's kind of what you're you're relating to.
Aundria:A lot of people wanna push that away. Even when you're telling me this story, I'm feeling that fear for you because you put yourself in that situation and I can only imagine but to be able to sit with it, that's so brave and and then you're telling us that it passes right through you. I mean, wow.
Marilyn:That's just one trick, one tool, one tool. But I think, you know, hearing your story today and having our listeners get to tap into the way you think and the way you feel and the way you process is really truly powerful because we can see your light. I can see the joy in your face. And it's important because everybody goes through something. We always have something that's kind of coming down the pike that and I think fear is thinking something's coming that we can't handle.
Marilyn:And look at you. You've handled everything that's come. And you are living this very full rich life, and that's all possible.
Aundria:Oh, thank you. And it's given me so much purpose.
Marilyn:Oh, god. And let's let's hear about your book. Let's hear about your book. It's a memoir?
Aundria:Yes. I that was one of my goals was to not sit on this experience that was given to me and hide it to myself. So I I wrote a memoir. I went to to school and classes and workshops and I learned how to be an author and I wrote a book and right now, I'm seeking representation because I'd like to traditionally publish it but memoir is a little bit of a unique situation in the world of publishing because it requires a built in following. So I'm working on my following so that it's appealing to an agent to wanna represent me and help me share my story.
Aundria:But until then, I'll continue to to speak on my experience and advocate for therapist abuse survivors and spread awareness and education, and that's really the whole point of what I'm trying to do.
Marilyn:Before we go, would you for someone who let's say you said you were I think you said you were 19 when you first went off to this retreat with your boyfriend and met doctor Henry.
Aundria:Yeah.
Marilyn:18. Someone oh, 18. Excuse me. So so for someone out there who's listening, who might be of the that same age, that young tender age, or someone who's older but but not picking up on some of the signs, what would be three or four things that you could share with somebody out there? Some warning signs that they could they could pay attention to.
Aundria:Yeah. For sure. One, clear boundaries. There should never be a dual relationship between a therapist and a patient. There should be an imbalance of power where the the patient is feeling taken care of by the therapist.
Aundria:You should not be listening to their problems, you know, being their friend, going out for coffee, anything like that. There should be a clear relationship boundaries that are built on respect and where you have your sessions are professional and that's most important. Make sure you check their license, that they even have a license. We didn't go into this in my story but Doctor. Henry was never even a therapist.
Aundria:He was a fraud. He never had a license. So there are resources out there now where you can check if your therapist is licensed, what state they're licensed in. Those are the first few things. And get yourself involved in educating yourself on the red flags of therapy, ethics, and harm because it happens way more often than you think.
Aundria:I thought I was a one off situation, and I have people come up to me constantly saying, this happened to me. This happened to me. So
Marilyn:So it's more prevalent out there. And let's let this audience know that, you helped put this man in prison.
Aundria:That's right. The FBI contacted me to let me know that he was a fraud, and my new mother was his coconspirator. They, were both sentenced to prison. So I was part of the investigation that helped put them behind bars.
Marilyn:Another big act of courage on your part, and I'm sure that was not an easy time, but I bet cathartic. Very cathartic for you in the end.
Aundria:Yeah. And the other people who you know, there were so many people in that courtroom and to learn that I wasn't the only one. It wasn't my only small group of culty patients. It was years and years of abuse for many people. So I think that was the best part was knowing that at least he was going to pay a little bit for what he'd done to so many.
Marilyn:And that was Andrea Adams. In surviving abuse and escaping manipulation, she has shown all of us that the path to healing starts with trusting yourself. And what a message. Morgan, get in here. Morgan's my producer, and I'm wondering what your takeaways were from this interview.
Aundria:It's funny you just spoke about her self trust because that is what is the shining moment here. She was betrayed her whole childhood. She was betrayed by her parents, and she stepped into another situation of betrayal, but never lost that sense that she could believe in and trust herself. Totally.
Marilyn:And then taking that trust and finding the courage to keep finding, some light, whether it was in her grandmother or she mentioned that third wife of her father that she felt like she could learn what, a motherly love felt like and then has transferred that on to her own children, and she is breaking that cycle, isn't she?
Aundria:I I think the message is don't give up hope. Don't give up on the idea that you will be supported and loved. That that support's out there. Yeah. Stay open to it.
Marilyn:Yeah. Totally. And, you know, I think even from the very beginning, we're all rooting for her because you can tell she's this articulate, bright, person who did have that sense of some positivity in the middle of of all of it, and you just want her to succeed. She is truly remarkable. I know one of the things too I wanted to mention, she texted me after the interview and said, I just want people to know one more thing, that if they are in therapy and a therapist starts to over compliment, tell you how beautiful you are, tell you, how different you are from everybody else, she said that probably is the biggest red flag.
Aundria:Well, I'm certainly glad to hear this story because I know I haven't been aware of therapist abuse, and it's it's a very dangerous situation.
Marilyn:Absolutely. And she says way more prevalent than we even know. So thank you so much, Morgan, and thank you everyone for listening. This is I choose happy presented by The Comfy. We'll see you next time.