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Welcome to The NICU Translated Podcast, where we break down the complex world of the NICU into clear, relatable insights for families and the professionals who support them. Hosted by Mary Farrelly—a certified NICU nurse, doula, and educator—this podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the NICU with confidence and compassion.
Whether you’re a doula looking to better support NICU families, a healthcare professional seeking deeper understanding, or a parent preparing for or living through a NICU journey, you’ll find actionable tips, evidence-based guidance, and heartfelt stories to inspire and empower you.
Each week, we’ll explore topics like:
-NICU 101: Terms, diagnoses, and medical equipment explained.
-Preemie care basics and developmental milestones.
-How to advocate for your NICU baby with confidence.
-Emotional and trauma-informed support for NICU families.
-Insights from NICU professionals and families who’ve been there.
With episodes featuring expert advice, list-style guides, and real-life interviews, The NICU Translated Podcast is here to equip you with the tools and knowledge to make the NICU journey less overwhelming and more empowering.
Subscribe now and join our community dedicated to bringing more joy and less trauma to the NICU experience—because the NICU is only the beginning.
Let’s navigate this journey together.
Mary Farrelly (00:00)
Some NICU journeys start long before a baby ever arrives. My guest today, Natasha Bohmann lived through one of the highest risk pregnancy experiences.
a mono-mono twin pregnancy, followed by an extended inpatient stay and a NICU journey that changed her life. Natasha is a yoga therapist, Ayurveda wellness counselor, grief and bereavement specialist, end-of-life doula, and a graduate of NICU Doula Academy. She brings a rare blend of personal experience and professional wisdom, and she's building an incredible vision for supporting NICU families through integrative trauma-informed care. Today, we're talking about high-risk pregnancy, the emotional reality of the NICU, the transition home,
and the kind of support NICU families actually need in each chapter. Let's dive in.
Mary Farrelly (01:16)
Hi everybody and welcome to this week's episode of the NICU Translated podcast. I'm so excited to have one of my NICU Dula Academy grads with us here today. Welcome Natasha to the NICU Translated.
Natascha (01:29)
Hello, thank you for having me.
Mary Farrelly (01:31)
So Natasha is a graduate of NICU Academy, but she's also a NICU parent herself, along with many other hats that you wear. So let's just start by letting everybody get to know a little bit about who you are, and then let's kind of start talking a little bit about your NICU story. Let's start with who you are first.
Natascha (01:50)
Sure. Who I am.
Well, yes, I have a varied background. Professionally, I've worked in marketing and communication and sales for many years on the vendor side in health care. And I'm also a yoga therapist, ayurvedic Wellness Counselor, end of life doula and grief and bereavement specialist. So life has taken me many places and I'm always one interested in learning more.
as I navigate things. that's what led me to NICU Doula Academy. And yeah, yeah.
Mary Farrelly (02:26)
So you have a unique pregnancy journey with one of the rarest kinds of children. You have mono-mono twins. So walk me back to the beginning, maybe when you first found out that you were pregnant with your babies and whether or not like the NICU was ever kind of on your radar and maybe what your just that early pregnancy journey looks like for you.
Natascha (02:49)
Sure. So first off, I think it's important to mention I got pregnant via IVF and that was a crazy journey in itself. We had one embryo, just one. I had one successful round of IVF, one embryo, and that was kind of our mindset. Let's see what happens with this one. We thought it was one at the first ultrasound.
So with IVF and working with a fertility clinic, you get those early ultrasounds, early blood work. So my HCG levels all indicated a singleton pregnancy. So I had my first ultrasound at six and a half weeks. And then at nine and a half weeks, we were in for the biggest surprise when we learned there were two, two babies, two heartbeats, which was, it was crazy because you think about sometimes, you know,
how you can think things into existence. I literally the night before was like, well, we're going to have one and hey, that's great. They're going to be an only child. I always wanted to, but they have cousins that'll be, you know, great friends. And literally like that morning before the appointment, I was doing some work and I thought, you know, wouldn't that be funny if it turned out to be twins? But it's too, you know, it's not possible at this point.
Well, I had no idea about the different types of twins. I knew fraternal and identical. And so we get to the appointment and she's there. I'm seeing two babies. And my husband and I were just we got it all on video, actually. So we were like in total shock. I just couldn't stop laughing because I couldn't believe it. ⁓
Mary Farrelly (04:18)
I will.
my god.
Natascha (04:25)
But at that stage, so again, I had no idea what a mo/mo pregnancy is and later found out that it's when they share the same sac and placenta. So it's less than 1 % of twin pregnancies. As it is, twin pregnancies are considered high risk. I'm geriatric, so I'm considered high risk going through IVF, you know, all of that. And so if you Google
anything, it'll freak you out about that sort of pregnancy because the risks involved because they're sharing resources, cord accidents, twin to twin transfusion where one baby's getting more nutrients than the other, a variety of issues. So I pretty much immediately found out that, you if you've got to take this day by day, you have no idea how this is going to be.
So it was very exciting and it was like, know, all we had been through to get to this point and then to find out, wow, there's two, but also, my gosh, we got to just make it each day. you know, there was a lot of questions and things in those initial weeks before we were able to connect with a specialist and go in for regular appointments and kind of learn more about what the course would be like. But I have to say in that
period between one of the things that was so helpful for me is I found a couple of Facebook groups with Mo/mo moms and families and that was way better than Google and my doctor was way better than Google of course you know so I just put that out there like there's a so we have access to so much information but there's a lot of outdated information and you just don't want to send yourself into a rabbit hole spiral either.
Mary Farrelly (06:10)
Truly the internet
is so...
the information overload can be really intense but sometimes the power of that community that finding other people that aren't just as statistic they're real humans that have lived it can give you the ability to like see yourself and your journey and other people's stories too. so i am a firm believer of the goodness of social media like it gets a bad rap and there is a lot of downside to it for sure but it connects people in ways that otherwise people would not
Natascha (06:28)
Mm-hmm.
Definitely.
Mary Farrelly (06:41)
have
been connected like especially with something that's more unique the likelihood of you finding some random person in your town you know that has I mean it's not possible but that has a similar story it's much harder than finding this larger so I love that you found a community early on so tell me a little bit about how you were maybe were or were not prepared for the possibility of a NICU stay did you talk about it at all did you have an idea what that might look like
Natascha (07:08)
Yes,
really from the beginning. the plan of care typically for a mo/mo pregnancy is that mom goes inpatient between 24 to 28 weeks for more monitoring. And then the aim is to deliver VSC section between 32 and 34 weeks, if you make it that far. And so.
Pretty much from the beginning, I knew that I would be going inpatient. Some moms like to do outpatient, but for me, where the hospital I was going to is about an hour away and it was just not realistic. And I knew that, I mean, things can change so quickly too, so it's best to be in the place you needed to be. And fortunately, my MFM early on connected me with one of the neonatologists on the team to have...
We had a call and he had a whole PowerPoint presentation talking about viability. He showed us the calculator, you know, 20 weeks, 21 weeks, you know, that sort of thing. What what to expect. And as far as in the area we live in, the hospitals, all the NICUs work together and basically saying, OK, this is, you know, it's low down. will accept 22 weeks, you know, this and then we'll help with, you know, keeping them alive and things like that.
So early on, we were given a lot of information. We were walked through what it might look like after delivery, what they're looking for when they, I mean, because they were definitely going to be born premature. And so they were definitely gonna have a NICU stay, that was guaranteed. But what that would look like after delivery, in the days following, kind of all the things that they watch for in the first 24, 48 hours.
So in that way it was helpful to have a picture of what things could look like and prepare as much as you can. But you soon learn that you can never fully prepare too.
Mary Farrelly (09:03)
So what did your birthday
look like with your babies and what did your very early NICU experience look like?
Natascha (09:12)
Yeah, so I delivered at 33 weeks, six days, and that was scheduled C-section. Nothing was emergent. Everything was, you know, right on plan. And up until that point, there were no concerns with the girls at all. you know, we had fetal monitoring all throughout the eight weeks I was inpatient. There were never any concerns with the ultrasounds, but they turned out to be very sick when they were born.
And that was very shocking. Everything had gone smoothly and I'm recovering and I wasn't able to see them yet. And all of a sudden the nurse practitioner comes over and just to sit down and have a serious conversation. So they both had respiratory distress pretty significantly and their lungs were underdeveloped. For being where they were gestationally, they were behaving more like 28 to 30 weekers.
They were running smaller, but it was never a concern. So really one of those initial conversations was giving them surfactant and they both needed multiple doses. So it's very much a whirlwind, you're in the moment and oh my gosh, what does this mean? How serious is this? But the team was really great about explaining things. And even when we got to that point where were we able to
visit the, my husband was able to visit them pretty much right away. It took me a bit after recovery and I had nausea and all these things, but the team was really, the team of nurses really great and just, you know, how we approach them and, know, making sure like, you know, more neuroprotective sort of approach and things like that. But it's, it was definitely very, very surreal. You just don't know until you're in it.
we were very surprised too.
Mary Farrelly (11:04)
Yeah, I love that you changed that even being prepared in a way, like you know the gist of the NICU, you know outcomes, you know statistics. It's very different when your physical body is going through the experience and you're seeing your own children in a NICU setting for the first time. And then on top of that, you have two babies and you're trying to have your heart beat in two places at the same time.
Natascha (11:08)
Yeah
Yeah.
Mary Farrelly (11:32)
So what did your very first visit look like? Were you able to hold your girls skin to skin? Were you able to connect and bond? Did you feel like you were able to kind of take it all in or was it more of like a day by day, little by little settling into life in the NICU?
Natascha (11:51)
Yeah,
well, my very first visit with them was the day of delivery and bless one of my antepartum nurses. because I had such bad nausea after my C-section, she at the end of her shift was wheeling me on a stretcher, which is not easy to navigate into the NICU and into my girl's room where there was all this equipment. I mean, you could barely get in there and I was just able to.
reach a hand over and touch Maple. I couldn't get to Mira and then I threw up. So then we go back, you know. Yeah, yeah. So it was like, you know, not at all how we expected. And until I physically was able to hold them, they were both, they were like three days old at that point. So it wasn't right away. I was still inpatient for a few more days in recovery. And I would basically just make my way over.
Mary Farrelly (12:27)
Of course. That sums it up, right?
Natascha (12:48)
few times a day, walking a little more each day or wheeling over. And then the hospital I was at had guest housing across the street. So I ended up for the nine weeks that they ended up being in NICU living there. And so I was close to the hospital and would come over every day. But yeah, it was not until they were three days old and the plan was for me to hold Mira, but then the door on the bed warmer for Maple broke off.
So they had to switch units. So I actually got to hold her and that was such a, I think I shared that in our NICU Doula Academy group, but there was this whole thing like the respiratory therapist, the nurses all like navigating her into my arms, but also having to shuffle out in such tight quarters, the warmer to bring in the new one. So it was quite the sight.
Mary Farrelly (13:37)
It's
truly a full production. The power of skin to skin with any baby, especially in the NICU, is just incredible. But there's also this practicality in the logistics of safely having a baby with lots of tubes and wires that are attached to many, machines, navigate it. The amount of times that I've literally crawled on the floor in the hospital to try to get... I usually... I've been like, okay, and we're all settled in. And I turn around and I'm like, I have trapped myself in here.
Natascha (13:54)
Yeah.
Hahaha! ⁓
Yeah. It's so funny. It's so true. Yeah. ⁓
Mary Farrelly (14:06)
I don't want to stand here for two hours staring at you, so I'm gonna ninja my way out. It is
a full, full-blown, like, circus production, but a 1000 % worth it, because the magic of those first connections and first bonding is like...
Natascha (14:19)
Mm-hmm. Oh my gosh, it's I can't even explain that feeling. It
was amazing. Yes. Yeah. And it definitely like immediately you can feel the value of the benefit of skin to skin and even see it in them like, oh, you know, it was wonderful. Yeah.
Mary Farrelly (14:39)
big exhale for the baby and
for you too. And even as a care provider, I exhale when they're together too. Instinctively, like it just feels like, okay, all is right in the world. I can step back, like we're connected, we're together, and it's worth it there.
Natascha (14:52)
Mm-hmm.
Mary Farrelly (14:56)
You said you were there for nine weeks and there's a lot of well skin to skin, but there's a lot of logistics with navigating just life, being with hospitalized children. What were some of the logistical challenges that you came up against that really were potential barriers or overwhelming points during your NICU stay?
Natascha (15:15)
Part of it was we lived an hour away and we have our firstborns, our dogs, at home. So my husband would come to the hospital during the day and then at night go home to make sure the dogs were taken care of. We fortunately had a neighbor that really helped us out during the day with them too. So there was that, there were things like...
I mean, we eat so much hospital food just out of convenience. that's obviously, you know, not your first first choice. And I was fortunate to be able to to stay within walking distance. I think we we didn't have kids at home. We had our dogs, you know, we didn't have to navigate that. But, you know, some of the things that because I had also been inpatient for eight weeks, so that I mean, I was not home for a very long time. So things that
like the whole nesting stage and things like that. was doing that like when I was impatient having my husband do things for me at home and FaceTiming me or things like that. And then in the NICU itself, it's more so I feel like it was truly.
taking it day by day, but then also you'd have these false starts where, okay, maybe they'll go home by the end of this week. And so you're starting to get things prepared and then it's, ⁓ just kidding. We're back, you know, we're back to square one sort of thing because they have a lot of breathing issues. So they would have a lot of events and then the count would start over. So I think it's just more so for me at least it was those logistics of
Mary Farrelly (16:28)
me.
Natascha (16:49)
what it was gonna look like when we got home. And I think the other piece for me was just what my breastfeeding, feeding journey would be like too. It was interesting when our girls were in the NICU, the very first week they were in the NICU, the nurses at the hospital went on strike. there was that too. like starting off with like teaching, I had no idea what I was doing.
Mary Farrelly (17:06)
my.
Natascha (17:13)
There was a lot of figuring my way and that way without having much support, know, knowing what I know now, yeah, I probably would have done things differently and prepared differently. And I think another big thing that we learned after experiencing that, that the strike and having travel nurses and one to two ratios, one to one ratios on our babies to going to
I mean, having a different staff every shift really taught us a lot about how much, you know, we needed to pay attention to what was going on and advocating for ourselves, advocating for the girls. And again, these are things you sometimes you just don't realize until you're in it. And so just, you know, that could could be stressful at times,
Mary Farrelly (17:56)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I mean, at a baseline, getting
to know different caregivers, coming and going, and just the number of faces that you meet.
Anyways, in the NICU but to add a strike on top of that and your postpartum and you have two babies and you already had been hospitalized for eight weeks like that is a Really intense culmination of a lot of different things all coming together into one place So how did you I mean there's only? Realistically you're like I got through it, but was there anything that you did or any practices that you had or any mindset shifts or anything that you
Natascha (18:24)
Hahaha
Mary Farrelly (18:41)
had in your toolkit and that you pulled out to use to help you navigate all of that uncertainty and potentially really intense, maybe even traumatic experiences while you were living it.
Natascha (18:52)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I definitely think my yoga background was huge. And particularly while I was inpatient myself, for me, was, yeah, I don't want to be in a hospital, but I'm not going to sit here and have a bad attitude about it. I'm going to have, you know, it's not where you want to be, but how can I make this the best experience? And so in that, that
time period for me it was like I looked at it as a retreat like this is the last time I'm going to have by myself even though people are coming to my room all the time you know that I'm not like free of interruptions it was my time and how could I use that time to nourish myself as much as I could.
It wasn't the perfect experience, but things that I did, I did a lot of like meditations and like visual guided visualizations. I had a whole area in my room set up. I set up my yoga mat and props and I had weights. So I would do yoga practices or little prenatal strength practices. I was cleared to to walk the campus. So I got outside every day. I walked. I tried to walk a mile every day. That was kind of my routine.
And then I also worked the whole time I was inpatient. So all of those things kind of gave me plus the monitoring throughout the day. I had this routine and I feel like routine can be really important in times of high anxiety, know, in uncertain times, having that to kind of ground you was really helpful for me. So I had a lot of those sorts of tools in my toolkit and even in, you know, I had a lot of anxiety around
having a C-section, my birth was going to be something I had never envisioned. This was all like, you know, not what I had envisioned, but yeah, exactly. I did not manifest this. But, you know, how what was it that was going to make me have the best mindset? And so I even like watched a video of a C-section being performed beforehand is weird as that may sound, but it was helpful to me. So I knew kind of OK, what to expect. So I felt like I had
Mary Farrelly (20:37)
This wasn't on the vision board.
Natascha (20:56)
a good foundation before birth. But then when the girls are, it was like, what tools? It was kind of like that because you're just, you're exhausted. There's all these new things and you're worried about them, you know, and it was like really realizing, you know, I am their protector. I'm responsible for these two babies and they can't speak for themselves. And for me, like, you know, I can advocate for myself.
and say how I was feeling, but they could not. And I was just, I'm just meeting them, right? I'm learning who they are. you know, they're going through it. They're hooked up to all these things, you know? And so it was really hard. I definitely would say, anytime I've gone through those sort of periods in my life where something is, you know, very uncertain or stressful, I find if I lose my practices,
of course it makes it even more challenging. And sometimes you're just in that, in the moment and you're just trying to figure it out. And so for me, it was really, I think the most grounded I could be in that time was just to know that I can only be here in this moment and take it moment by moment. you know, for me, it was just being aware of my girls, trying to learn them, listen to them in ways or
really trusting what that mother's intuition is, you know, and really, you know, I think that that was a huge piece to like say, I may not know everything I'm learning, we're all learning as we go. But to really trust my gut, if like, I don't know that this is working for them. Can we do this instead? And every time that I ended up advocating for those sorts of things, it did end up being like that that was a better route for them, you know, and it's just, I think
you know, being a first time parent and you're developing all of that too. And, you know, it's like that crash course and as a parent, can't really control everything, but you know, you can as much as you can, you know, control your mindset and how you approach things. And that's kind of, you know, what got me through.
Mary Farrelly (23:11)
I am really the part that you said that the your antepartum stay as a retreat. I think that that mindset shift is so so incredibly powerful because it's out of your control. It's like you're you're in there no matter what, right? Like this is where we are. You're in the NICU, your antepartum. But shifting it to be like this is my time to reflect and to journal and to be with my babies and to to be in this bubble as much as you are allowed to have can really just make it seem almost this like
Natascha (23:26)
Mm-hmm.
Mary Farrelly (23:41)
treasure, but it's so hard. You still would rather not be there, but that doesn't mean that you can't find the pockets of joy, those micro moments of joy throughout each part of the day. And in a way, the NICU has some elements of that too. Like you have this time where everything else kind of melts away, right? Like you have all these other responsibilities and they're all there behind the scenes that are causing and stress. But sometimes when you're in those moments of skin to skin with your baby and there's literally nothing else that you can
Natascha (23:43)
Hahaha
Okay.
Mary Farrelly (24:11)
should be doing in that moment. Everything else just kind of disappears and you're there in the connection.
Natascha (24:15)
⁓ that is the best.
That's the best. ⁓ gosh. It's like just thinking about that is just like, like I said before, immediate exhale. There is nothing like that connection. You just would want to be there all day holding them as long as you could, you know. Yeah. And I think of one of the things I think of is the, for example, the travel nurse that we had that very first week, she was incredible and had been at, you know, some of the top
NICUs throughout the country and brought really great experience and perspective. And I always called her an angel, like the angel we needed at that time, because there were ways too that, you know, I, you know, when you're kind of in this state, like everything's a blur and surreal. She just kind of grounded, helped to ground us in ways and.
even advocating for me to get some lactation support, even though there were no lactation nurses there that week. She worked with one of the CNAs to make little boards for the girls with pictures and footprints and dress them for the first time, just little things like that. And her really encouraging the skin to skin and making it happen and encouraging us to take our time with that too.
Just there definitely is some angels in the NICU and the antepartum space too. I I cried when I discharged because I just loved the nurses so much and getting, it's just to me, I think the perspective also of yes, I was a patient and my girls are in the NICU, but then also having the experience of working on the vendor side and kind of seeing the workflow, seeing the challenges that they face too. that's.
Mary Farrelly (25:50)
Mm-hmm.
Natascha (25:57)
what really led me more into looking into the NICU Doula work too. We're all humans and we're doing the best that we can, but there's definitely, you realize as you're in a space for a while, there's gaps or areas of opportunity.
Mary Farrelly (26:15)
I think that having sharing your perspective as a vendor being able to see the.
the, I guess, behind the curtain, behind the scenes of how healthcare works. It is so important to have that idea that, yes, healthcare has a lot of flaws as an entity, but in those points of connection, it's a human taking care of a human. There are people taking care people, and there people working within this system that it doesn't always set up for their own benefit either, for their wellness or their positive experience as a healthcare provider.
Natascha (26:39)
Mm-hmm.
Mary Farrelly (26:51)
too. So I think having that, seeing people for who they are, for humans, and finding connection points throughout the entire experience can be so, so powerful. Bringing the humanity back to, especially the NICU, where it is such a key part of the journey of becoming a parent, of changing into this new role.
Natascha (26:51)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think too, because of the way, you know, there are systems and checks and balances and all those things in place that things can become very mechanical in the NICU. And just by nature of the work, you know, you have how many babies that you're taking care of as a nurse and you're trying to, you know, make the most use of your time and just kind of witnessing those sort of stressors and things too, like.
Mary Farrelly (27:21)
Mm-hmm.
Natascha (27:39)
Nope, we have to eat every three hours or those sorts of things, especially like when our girls got to like ad lib feeding, it's like, it's not ad lib. But yeah, but it's like, that's the thing in the times of frustration too, like where, when we were frustrated with staffing issues or things like that to understand they're just as frustrated too. And they're trying to navigate that as well. us,
Mary Farrelly (27:47)
I'm ready.
Natascha (28:05)
I feel like my husband and are pretty easygoing and it's like being understanding in that way, having compassion for each other is so, so important. ⁓ And really like, I will say this all the time, our babies feel that energy. And no matter if you're a parent or a clinician, it's so important to always keep that top of mind. And I think like the, you know, the...
Mary Farrelly (28:13)
Mm-hmm.
you.
Natascha (28:30)
environment that we were in at the time because there were uncertainties with the strike and things like that. were people were stressed and confused and you know and we felt that for sure you know so just always kind of grounding in that we're all we're all just trying to figure things out you know yeah yeah yeah
Mary Farrelly (28:37)
Mm-hmm.
We're all taking a moment by moment, day by day. I love that.
compassion and also balancing it with advocacy for your babies. Like we are having compassion for the situation that you're in, the resources that you have, what you're working with. And also I'm a voice for my baby and I'm going to optimize the experience for them as much as possible too. So let's kind of talk a little bit about the advocacy piece and becoming the voice for your girls too. Do you have any experiences or instances
that you can share about ⁓ maybe times when advocacy and you were able to have a collaborative conversation or any instances where maybe a choice of providers words or things like that shifted how you were able to interact with them.
Natascha (29:32)
Mm
hmm. Yeah, I think ⁓ earlier on ⁓ when they were fortified, fortifying and, you know, kind of messing around with that, what they needed for calories to gain weight and all of that. Our girls did not respond well to the formula and had a lot of like gastro issues with that. And, you know, in my mind, I was like, well, when we go home.
we're not going to be, I don't want to use this. I want to be using something different. So I started asking questions around that is that, so it worked out that it was okay. We ended up bringing in our own formula and figured out how to fortify that. We brought in our own vitamins too. So they were getting a multivitamin and they, that's funny. The nurses were joking. We used to have a good one, but now this one's nasty and all the babies hate it. But
But it was one of the doctors said, like one of our nurses had her babies here and she used this, you know, these vitamins or this formula and we know the fortification ratios and everything for it. So having that conversation was helpful. And then we just start, you know, bringing those things in and immediately noticed a difference. They did a lot better. And, you know, I think things like that, it's like if they were in discomfort for long, you know, that would have just prolonged everything.
Mary Farrelly (30:51)
Mm-hmm.
Natascha (30:52)
longer. So in that way, I felt like for the most part, the team was, you know, very good. It was a collaborative discussion. I think some of more of the frustrations that we had, was related to staffing and general staffing issues where particularly like overnight shift, we'd get a lot of float staff from like the Peds from PICU and
They just, our girls had feeding challenges, but it was like, you in knowing how to feed preemies too, and also looking at the patient rather than the monitor. So we ran into, at night sometimes we would have issues or the girls would have events. And, you know, we weren't there typically, like we would go home for the night and then be there during.
Mary Farrelly (31:23)
Mm-hmm.
Natascha (31:38)
during the days, but we started to notice a pattern. And we started asking more questions and making sure that it got to be like at every feeding. One of us was there and even one of our doctors in the last couple of weeks, the girls were inpatient. He said, you know, are you able to be here around the clock? And so we kind of split our shifts. My husband would come at night. I would come during the day so I could be there for like lactation and things like that.
And that's really, I feel like what helped us get the path home because they were comfortable that they never had issues when feeding with us. You know, but that was one of those things. And sometimes the communication around things or ⁓ they would go, you know, their oxygen levels and support would be changing. We had one time where an RT came, a respiratory therapist came in and the nurse was kind of talking about, we might be able to lower their oxygen a little bit. And she just.
pulled it and then one of our girls had an event and the nurse was mad. We were like, okay, that was like, you know, spur of moment, just like, you know. So I think for us, it was really, and for me as a person, finding my voice and speaking my truth has always been something I've had to work on. And then it's like, I have my girls and like.
I have this responsibility. got to figure this out. And it was definitely a practice in that if there was something I had questions about, you know, or I wanted to make sure, for example, I was there when whatever, if it was like OT or PT or speech was coming by, sometimes they would come by and we wouldn't be there. And then they would be making recommendations and we wouldn't know why. So really advocating for, you know, let's set a time.
Mary Farrelly (33:17)
you
Natascha (33:20)
So then we can make sure we're here and things like that too. ⁓
Mary Farrelly (33:25)
Yeah, I think
if you bring up so many great points there, a lot of it is.
We were saying like you have to meet lots and lots of different people and get to know them. The babies are also trying to form these micro relationships with all these different people constantly, especially when it comes with feeding and styles of feeding and comfort level and sometimes just the nuances of feeding that individual baby. They have their own personality and styles and bringing in our own biases as an individual healthcare provider and all the things that come with that.
Natascha (33:49)
Right.
Mary Farrelly (33:56)
having consistency and a plan for how to, like, what's our next step and having it be those collaborative conversations is going to lead to better outcomes for the babies and for you as a family, because you're going to be able to feel more seen and heard and validated, and then for the healthcare team, because ultimately the goal at the end of the day, and I do see this looking back on my NICU career with some instances, is that sometimes we forget the goal is to have the baby go home with the family.
Natascha (34:07)
Mm-hmm.
Mary Farrelly (34:23)
Like it doesn't matter if I can feed the baby as the nurse, if the family can feed the baby, whatever it is that they're doing, as long as it's safe, right? We're not like coercing or whatever. And that's the point. Like that's the point. So I think sometimes rewinding and remembering that that is literally the goal is to have families be able to appropriately and safely feed the baby so that they grow. So I think that that's wonderful. So let's kind of talk now. We're at that point where that
Natascha (34:24)
Right.
Yeah.
Right, totally.
Mary Farrelly (34:52)
discharge day that was elusively coming and going is finally here. What do graduation day feel like for you? Did your girls go home at the same time or were they going home on different days and then what are those early days home look like?
Natascha (35:07)
Yeah,
so they they did go home on the same day. They twin hard. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, they did go home the same day. The day of discharge, of course, is, you know, whirlwind. We decided in talking with our doctor to have the girls go home on monitors. They really didn't need it, but it was more of like a security blanket. And I know it's it's not so much a common practice. They didn't have to go home with any other supports, but.
Mary Farrelly (35:11)
That is impressive. That is pretty rare,
Mm-hmm.
Natascha (35:35)
It was funny being in the car, like I'm in the back, way back third row, my husband's up front, the girls are in the middle and we've got their little monitors and they were false alarming all the time. So I remember like that first night we were just, first of all, it's the whole transition of, it's us. Like my mom had flown into town, so we had her support. But when you're in the NICU,
You call the nurse, like we're ready to feed them. Okay, they bring their milk. And we were very hands-on, so we were involved in like putting all their bottles and things together. But then you come home and you're like, you're doing it. You're doing it all. And you kind of got to get your systems in place. And, you know, of course the lack of sleep and you're just also it's that transitional care. Are they okay? Are they breathing? Are they, you know, all of those things.
And I remember, so we were discharged on a Friday. We had the monitors and the next morning, the neonatologist we worked with the most, called us to check in and I was like, we gotta get rid of these monitors. He was like, yeah, he was like, I had a feeling it would be like that and I'm sure they're fine, but we waited until our pediatrician appointment on that Monday and we were good to go to get rid of them.
Mary Farrelly (36:34)
I made a mistake.
Natascha (36:47)
Yeah, we kind of, was like, especially with twins too, we had to kind of figure out a system in place logistically what's gonna be the easiest thing. So we basically camped out on our first floor. had, you know, a pack and play with double bassinets. My husband and slept on the couch and we had easy access to our kitchen. So for me pumping throughout the night and making bottles and all of that. So it was, you know, easy.
And then my mom stayed upstairs with the dogs so that the dogs weren't getting up. So they had their little retreat. But, you know, that was huge, too, to have like those first, probably about the first month, probably a little less than that. We had support. So we don't have any family locally. And so we had my mom, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law's come in and help. And that was so huge. Just things like.
helping wash dishes or things like that. And that's definitely something we know when I look at the postpartum experience, the value of having a postpartum doula or just other support is so important. And really we're meant to be doing this in community. And I think the way of our modern world, a lot of times we can be really isolated in these experiences and especially postpartum with all the...
hormones and everything too. can be really rough. So it was a lot of us, you know, navigating what things would look like at home. I would say that in ways too, of course, it was a big exhale, like we're home and to see the girls, how they shifted too. And granted, of course, we're in our familiar surroundings, we're home. They feel that as well, you know, and
Mary Farrelly (38:24)
Mm-hmm.
Natascha (38:32)
So it was like immediately we came home and we're like, they're different babies. They're totally different babies, you know? And I think, you know, one of the things coming out of the NICU and having been in the NICU for nine weeks, those routines sometimes too can be a little constricting. And I know that was something like with my husband, he kind of took on, you know, and he doesn't...
Mary Farrelly (38:37)
Right.
Natascha (38:54)
care that I say any of this because he knows it's true. But he had a lot of things that, know, he took on like this real sense of responsibility of taking care of me, taking care of the girls and, all these things like every three hours, you know, we're we're on this schedule. And, you know, I was like, we got to listen to the babies. What are they? What do they need? And, know, there's a lot of like navigating that, too, because you're so stuck in this routine and you're wanting to make sure you're doing everything right. So that there was a lot of that. took us some
Mary Farrelly (38:57)
you
Thank
Natascha (39:23)
some time to kind of unwind a little bit. Yeah.
Mary Farrelly (39:26)
Mm-hmm. To take an exhale. That's interesting that you mentioned
that your husband was the one that really locked into the routines. That I hear...
Natascha (39:35)
that I hear
Mary Farrelly (39:37)
time and time again, that it's oftentimes the
Natascha (39:38)
time and time again.
Mary Farrelly (39:40)
partners, almost like a trauma response, like they need to keep this safe. Like my job is to control this environment as much as I can to keep people safe. And oftentimes it is that the non-birthing person that does not want to let the naked schedule go because it is the only thing that makes sense to them in that moment, which is, which is really.
Natascha (39:42)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mary Farrelly (40:01)
hard to navigate because the partner is so often that that like forgotten person and they have been behind the scenes and keeping life going in a way that sometimes the person gave her physically cannot do. But it often does really manifest I feel like and show up a lot for them at home to when things are almost back to normal but still have that lingering experience.
Natascha (40:07)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mm hmm. Yeah. And I feel like for
him, he's like, I would have lost it if I didn't focus on that, you know, because it's just all these uncertainties and everything. And that was kind of in his way. But like grounded him and keeping things in line, you know. But it is it is really interesting. then as time has gone on, how, you know, even realizing and having that self-awareness, like, OK, yeah, I was really in it. And
Mary Farrelly (40:33)
Right.
Natascha (40:54)
you know, how you kind of just relax a little as you gain more confidence too, you know, it's, it's a lot. Yeah. And then with, with two, it's, you're just like, is going on? know? Yeah.
Mary Farrelly (40:57)
Bye bye.
Right. The reality of it,
I feel like this is like, there's this point of reckoning for almost every new family when they're at home, whether it sometimes it's delayed after having been in the NICU for a little bit, but sometimes it's not too, where you're like, this is not stopping. Like this is it. And this is, have these babies, these children are here. Like we're doing this same thing that we did last night. We're doing it again tonight. And then we're doing it again next week until they're, you know, 18 and beyond.
Natascha (41:30)
Totally. ⁓
Mary Farrelly (41:34)
⁓ So that moment always can hit everybody at different stages, but it always, I feel like, comes in different ways.
Natascha (41:35)
you
That's so true.
Like I remember when I was pregnant, I would always say, you know, our lives are going to change forever when they're here. And, I would joke about like house projects or things like that. We need to get them done now or they're not getting done. And that's very true. But it is your and you don't realize it until you know your life is going to change, but you don't realize it until you're in it. You know.
Mary Farrelly (42:01)
Right,
it still seems so abstract and it's not even just your life. I feel like your whole personhood shifts, like who you are as a person is different. So there's sometimes, there's this level of almost like mourning and grief around the loss of your previous self. I mean, you're so happy to meet your new self in a way, but you know that that, just like the before is never going to be the same as your current. So there's a little interplay of grief there too. In addition to then having those multilayers of potential
Natascha (42:04)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mary Farrelly (42:31)
some really true and valid grief around NICU experiences and loss of certain milestones and moments too. So you had your NICU stay, you're coming home, and then you had a calling it and inkling to step into NICU doula work. So what is your vision for, I guess let's do it, there's two different places I'm curious about too. Where along your NICU journey would you, now that you know the
of NICU Dua and you've had some time to pause and reflect where you really think that this role of a NICU Doula could have positively impacted your NICU experience and then also what is your vision for taking your incredibly rich lived and professional experiences and then connecting it with the role of a NICU Doula? does that look like in the mean life for you?
Natascha (43:19)
Sure. Well, honestly, I see the value of a NICU doula all the way. So for moms who have an antepartum stay, just like general support there. I look from like a yoga perspective, know, mindset, mindfulness, those sorts of tools. And then in the NICU itself, I mean, I definitely see and just in support and advocating and educating.
I think is really, and where I see the NICU Doula being of great value is in empowering parents to give them the confidence to understand how things work a little bit or understand some options and to empower them to advocate with that gained knowledge and be a support there. And then I also feel the transition home is huge because
You know, when I really look back on the experience, yes, there are opportunities all along the way, but when you're unleashed out into the world and you're just like, feel so alone and you, you know, no one can really relate. And that's where I see a lot of value in peer-to-peer support. Not that you have necessarily an exact experience, but a shared experience and someone who can relate and also understand some of the things you may be.
navigating, like all the follow-up appointments and, you know, milestones and things like that. And it can be a lot. And for me, like, you know, each stage had its challenges, but the time since we've been out in NICU and been home has been the most most challenging. ⁓ And that's where, you know, what my vision is, you know, it's I definitely believe that
things happen for a reason. And I don't even know how like the Instagram algorithm gods worked, but in coming across you, but I can't even tell you at what point that was, but I know I was following your content and I was, it was at the point then when we were home and I just remember like sitting on the couch one evening and I was either looking at my Instagram or I got in your email about the NICU Doula Academy and all along, like prior to that, I was brainstorming ideas. Like I was even thinking of like,
maybe I could start like a nonprofit. And I was focusing on that antepartum space initially. But as you my experience changed too. I was seeing like, you know, in the NICU, when you see the staffing challenges and things like that, that there's this support that someone could bring in to ease that for the staff and for the patients. so it was the beta cohort and I'm like,
Mary Farrelly (45:37)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Natascha (45:57)
I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I'm going to do it. I have to do this. Like this is, this sounds exactly like what I want to be doing. And for me, it's really important if I'm there in support, whether it's in, you know, end of life, dual work, yoga therapy, things I've, you know, also do to have that foundational knowledge. So, you know, that you're a good resource for, for people too. And so that's what led me into, to NICU doula Academy, which is
phenomenal and I didn't realize it at the time how healing it was for me too. Like there's that wonderful aspect of it and connecting with everyone. And so my vision in going forward as NICU doula is really to incorporate my yoga therapy background. So helping throughout the way with just practices, if families are open to grounding and helping through those, you know, being present, grounding and
finding those spots of nourishment along the way to, which is so hard as you're navigating all that, your attention becomes outward. But how important it is just to find those nuggets of time for yourself, because it's it's going to be good for you and your baby or babies. So there that there's that piece. And then also, you know, lot of what I'd like to work on is.
just that postpartum experience and the transition home as well, navigating that. And I think there's something to be said to you, you mentioned it already, grief, grief work as well, that whether your hospital stay or NICU stay was, you know, were anticipating that or not, you know, there is a grief involved in whatever your vision may have been for your experience. And so,
Mary Farrelly (47:28)
.
Natascha (47:43)
My vision is really to create spaces in which, from a peer-to-peer sort of standpoint, people can come together and relate to others. You know, so I see a lot of like group work and individual work, helping families navigate the transition home and whether that means, you know, while they're still in NICU and helping them get groceries.
or whatever it may be, it's really to me about meeting them where they're at and what their needs are and it being a very, you know, individualized, customized kind of relationship and connection. Because of course, yeah, I have things that, I see value in or what would have helped me, but everyone's different and, you know, some people want a lot of hands on, some don't. But for me, the biggest thing is just being a person that can provide.
Mary Farrelly (48:08)
Thank
Mm-hmm.
Natascha (48:36)
that container, that safe space, compassion, that listening ear, as well as empowerment.
Mary Farrelly (48:45)
Well, the families that work with you are going to be so incredibly lucky to have you with your both your lived experience and your foundational knowledge and then all the background that you come in too just having a deep understanding and you just get it. You just get it and are going to be able to have families feel less alone because the isolation is very real. And sometimes by having someone there and this is coming from my own personal experience with other aspects of my life that almost like
not forces you, but gives you concrete time to have those pockets of connection and grounding so that you can't talk yourself out of it as a busy parent or a busy mommy like, well, yes, I should be doing this. And also I need to be, as you said, out facing, helping others around me, doing all these things, checking off your to-do list, taking care of the dogs, all the different things. So having someone like a NICU Doula be like, and while I'm here today, this is what we're going to, I'm going to give you space. I'm going to build this bubble this time.
Natascha (49:20)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mary Farrelly (49:44)
to be able to regroup and reconnect, to help you feel supported in that moment. So I cannot wait to see all of the magical work that you're going to do with your NICU Doula role.
Natascha (49:46)
Yeah.
Thank you.
Mary Farrelly (49:58)
I'm that NICU Doula Directory is about to be published by the end of next week, so families will have a way of finding all of the incredible NICU Doulas in their area and the work that everybody does. So I'm just so honored and grateful to have had you as part of the beta cohort. It has been such that you all are the OGs, the very first that saw the dream and raised their hand and said, yes, like the magical part, I feel like the
Natascha (50:02)
Woohoo!
Hahaha!
Mary Farrelly (50:28)
that I've been such a surprise but such a joy with working with the Doula academy is really the friendships and the connections that have been made inside the live calls and the communities. It's not just the content, it's building a community with other people who are trying to make, the change and create new pockets of support and to kind of make a little bit of a culture change around NICU care in general.
Natascha (50:37)
Yeah.
Absolutely.
It's so powerful. And I even think one of our reunion calls that we had our first one, one of the other members of the cohort had reached out to me separately because, you know, I'm navigating things with my girls, early intervention, all these things. And it's that's overwhelming too. And you're talking about, you know, life after NICU and she reached out like saying, hey, you know, I'm navigating some of the same things. So we set up a time to talk and
you walking through like what our challenges are. And that's what's, it's like that doula role. You're the parent navigating life, post-NICU, but then creating, really seeing like, you know, the ways that we can really support and just to see the heart and, you know, passion of other participants from their lived experiences that have really inspired this work. And it's just so cool to see how this is all like just blossoming. And I'm so excited for everyone to see what, they'll be doing in the world.
Mary Farrelly (51:46)
Yeah, I have this vision of literally having a map and having little pinpoints everywhere of like all these little pockets of NICU Doula work truly around the world, which is also one of the most exciting parts as well. So if listeners are hoping to connect with you and maybe have you be there NICU Doula or learn more about your work, can they find you?
Natascha (52:08)
Sure, so on Instagram it's at underscore nourished being underscore. And then my website is nourishedbeingnow.com and then email is hello.nourishedbeing@gmail.com.
Mary Farrelly (52:24)
and we'll put all that linked in the show notes below too. So if you're listening and you want to just click a link, they'll be there for you too. So as we're wrapping up for today, have one final question and then we'll stop for today, but I'm sure we'll be able to connect again down the road. So for the parent that's like still in the thick of it, they're still in that high risk pregnancy, they're still in NICU life, unsure of how they're going to find that solid ground ever again. What is one thing that you want them to know about resiliency, connection, or
Natascha (52:38)
Okay.
Mary Farrelly (52:54)
just what comes next.
Natascha (52:55)
Ooh, that's a really great question. It's, you know, like, but this too shall pass, you know, like just it's so hard when you're you're in the thick of it. And when you're in the thick of it, you're like, this is the worst thing thing. You know what I mean? But you're you're always going to run into challenges along the way. And that's where I feel like just make sure you're taking care of yourself to how important that is. And yes, as a new mom or parent.
Mary Farrelly (52:56)
I never was like, one thing.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Natascha (53:24)
you may feel like you've lose yourself a little bit, but how important it is to ground into yourself and that benefits, as I said before, you and your baby. So, you know, anytime you can find those moments of pause, just like, you know, just pausing, taking a deep breath, centering yourself as simple as that may sound, it makes such a difference. So when you're in the thick of it, just take those moments to be present, you know, rather than looking toward the next thing and like,
what you're in now, what is my baby doing today that was amazing, or really finding those moments of presence and grounding yourself in the moment.
Mary Farrelly (54:01)
Yeah, because even though the NICU
is filled with a lot of intensity and overwhelm and hard, is the only day that you'll see your baby at that exact size and that exact stage of development ever again. So sometimes I always like tell myself, sometimes even in my workshops, like, what is one thing that I want to remember about today? Like, what's that one little good memory that I want to hang on to about today? And you might not always remember it, but it does kind of recenter yourself, as you said.
Natascha (54:06)
Thank
Yeah.
Yeah. But like a, yeah, like a gratitude practice.
That's, you know, there's always something, you know, positive, something you can be thankful for even in those hard moments. And I think that really does teach us resiliency because life is messy. It's not smooth sailing all the time. And, know, to really build those ways that, you know, we can help process our emotions and things like that. That's where I'm like really big with somatic yoga and, you know, all those sorts of
Mary Farrelly (54:41)
It doesn't follow the rules.
Natascha (54:55)
practices to help us process things and realize like, yeah, we're humans and life is messy and we're not going to always have like this calm nervous system, you know, but we have to have ways to, you know, to process. Mm hmm. Yeah.
Mary Farrelly (55:11)
bring it back.
It's messy, but the NICU is only the beginning. It's just chapter one and it's wonky chapter, but there's so many more beautiful chapters to come. Well, thank you so much for being with us today and sharing your story. And again, I'm just so honored that you, our lives intersected in this incredible way and I can't wait to see the incredible work that you're going to do as a NICU doula.
Natascha (55:18)
It is, yeah.
for sure.
Thank you so much. Thank you so much for everything, Mary. This I love this program. I love all that you do. You're such a wonderful resource. So thank you.
Mary Farrelly (55:46)
Thank you.