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What does it take to be successful as a mentor? What questions should we be asking? In this episode we share three essential elements for finding success as a mentor.
Show Notes
Episode: 8
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WELCOME
You Can Mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others.
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SHOW NOTES
1. Trust the Lord.
- In mentoring, we are actively making a commitment to relationship. Commitments come with conflict.
- Pray for your mentee. It will soften your heart. It will stir up faith and belief for the relationship. You will begin to see what God sees in them.
- God loves when we face tension head on and learn to trust Him in it. When you face a trial in your mentoring relationship, don’t let it discourage or deter you from moving forward.
- Difficulty is not failure. Facing difficulty in the relationship is not a clear cut sign that the mentor relationship is failing. It may actually be a sign that it’s working.
2. Mentoring is a Marathon.
- We’re in it for the long haul. Sometimes what you say today won’t actually register until years down the road.
- Tackle today's issues, not tomorrows problems.
- In a marathon, some miles are a lot tougher than others. You’ll have seasons where it’s uphill. Seasons where it’s downhill. Find your rhythm, and stick with it when it gets tough.
- Don’t expect them to change overnight.
- Don’t compare yourself to other mentor relationships.
3. Celebrate every improvement.
- Ask yourself, “What’s the trajectory?” If you move an inch every week for a decade, you might look up and be rather impressed with the amount of ground you’ve covered.
- You will gain so much more ground if you tell a kid what he is doing right instead of what he is doing wrong. Focus on the positive. If he is doing one thing right and ten things wrong, focus on the good. The rest can wait.
- Celebrate the wins. Focus on the good. Be your mentees biggest fan.
- When you encourage someone, you show your committedness to their growth. You are interested in their flourishing. If you can’t find something to encourage, it’s more about your committedness to them than their lack of performance.
- No kid has been celebrated too much.
- Something is encouraging them, and that encouragement is influencing their identity.
- In a world that assumes the worst, we are going to believe the best and call it out.
Creators and Guests
What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
You Can Mentor is a network that equips and encourages mentors and mentoring leaders through resources and relationships to love God, love others, and make disciples in their own community. We want to see Christian mentors thrive.
We want to hear from you! Send any mentoring questions to hello@youcanmentor.com, and we'll answer them on our podcast. We want to help you become the best possible mentor you can be. Also, if you are a mentoring organization, church, or non-profit, connect with us to join our mentoring network or to be spotlighted on our show.
Please find out more at www.youcanmentor.com or find us on social media. You will find more resources on our website to help equip and encourage mentors. We have downloadable resources, cohort opportunities, and an opportunity to build relationships with other Christian mentoring leaders.
You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Yo. What's up? You can mentor podcast. I'm over here spitting rhymes like my name was Outkast. I'm hanging out with my girl, Caroline Cash.
Speaker 2:And then after that, we're gonna go fast to Chick Fil A so I can grab some lunch. And then after that, I got a hunch that Steven's gonna put in work on this podcast. Dang it.
Speaker 1:And that's the end, everybody. See you next time on the You Can Mentor podcast. It's been
Speaker 2:too long. The podcast was just just messed it up. My bad. You did
Speaker 1:great. That was really good.
Speaker 2:That's on me. That's on me.
Speaker 1:Lord, we thank you for the You Can Mentor podcast. Thank you for every person mentoring these children
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:That are yours.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And just thank you for tools and resources that we have, but mostly that you have to equip us in how to do this better.
Speaker 2:So,
Speaker 1:Lord, would this podcast just be glorifying to you, and would someone take something away from it from these 3 little hooligans just talking about what it means to mentor? Amen.
Speaker 2:You are welcome in this place.
Speaker 1:My least favorite song.
Speaker 2:Oh, are you serious? Spirit. I love that song.
Speaker 3:I hate
Speaker 1:it. He's already there. You don't need to he's there.
Speaker 2:Yeah. But sometimes we don't welcome him in. Sometimes we're like, holy spirit, you're here, but I'm not gonna let you in because I wanna do things on my own accord.
Speaker 1:I don't like that song.
Speaker 3:Holy spirit or we have come?
Speaker 1:Holy spirit.
Speaker 3:Okay. Just making sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah. That we
Speaker 3:have come. We have come was
Speaker 1:this song. Good. That one's good. Holy Spirit.
Speaker 3:Katie walked down the aisle to that song.
Speaker 2:Oh, Treadnought. Thin eyes there, Cash.
Speaker 1:I didn't I didn't say anything about that song. Let's talk about the other Holy Spirit song.
Speaker 3:I want everyone in podcast land to understand why these podcasts are 30 minutes long. It's because we schedule an hour and 30 minutes of that time, we are freestyle rapping and and praying. So those are the 2 things
Speaker 2:we do. So really pushy.
Speaker 3:We wish we could give you more content, but we're just having too much fun. So
Speaker 2:Alright. Welcome to the You Can Mentor podcast where today, we're gonna talk about what it means to have success as a mentor. There isn't anyone who likes to feel discouraged. Right? There's anyone who likes to feel like a disappointment or like you're not making a difference.
Speaker 2:It's those things that the enemy can use to keep you from investing into a mentoring relationship, specifically with a kid from a hard place. The enemy hates it when we invest, when we spend time, when we share the gospel, whenever we love. And so often how he kinda keeps us from doing that is to make us as mentors feel like we're not successful. The first thing that I want to talk about in, attacking the question, how do we be successful as a mentor? What is success?
Speaker 2:Is this, us as mentors, we have to be very aware of the mindset that we have whenever we're going into a mentoring relationship. There might not be anything that's more important to a mentor than their mindset. How you view, how you think about, how you evaluate your relationship with a student that you're mentoring will determine what kind of relationship you have. Simply put, if you think your mentoring relationship is successful, if you think that you're making an impact, that you're making a difference, you're more likely to keep at it. You're more likely to continue showing up, continue investing.
Speaker 2:The other side of that though is if you feel like a failure, then you're more likely to quit. The question, what is success? Am I being successful? That's actually a really dangerous question because the enemy can grab hold of that and make you feel like, 1, either you are successful, which might Shoot. Which might help us fall into sin and say, well, I'm doing all of these right things.
Speaker 2:It's me, me, me. Or on the other side, he can make you feel like you're a failure, and that's going to keep you from spending time with the kid that you mentor. Yeah. The question isn't, am I having success as a mentor? The question instead that we should be asking ourself is, is the kid that I'm spending time with, is his life better because of our mentoring relationship?
Speaker 2:If the answer is yes, then I would argue that you as a mentor are on the right track. Instead of focusing in on us as a mentor and what we're doing, and if we're having success, let's focus instead in on the kid. And if we are even if we're just moving his life one degree, is this kid's life better because we're spending time together? Is this kid feel more loved? Does this kid feel encouraged after I spend time with him?
Speaker 2:So here are some things that we need to remember to protect our mind from becoming discouraged and disappointed whenever we start to mentor.
Speaker 1:The first thing we're gonna talk about is number 1, trust the Lord. What does it look like in a mentoring relationship to trust the Lord? How does that practically play out? Because that's a super hard thing to just say and, you know, expect to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah. If we share the gospel with this kid, that's success. If we love this kid, that's success. If we show up on a consistent basis, that's success. And those things are so important because we're just here to toss out seeds, and we trust that the Lord, whenever he's good and ready, he's gonna take those seeds and he's going to help those seeds grow.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And so the first thing that comes to mind is, is a kid that we had in our program, whenever he, was in 4th grade. His name was Junior. And, little Junior was without a doubt the hardest kid that we've ever had in our program. I mean, this kid was smart as a whip. He was a leader.
Speaker 2:He was the life of a party, and he gave us all sorts of issues each and every day. He was one of those kids that was so smart that he could kinda outsmart a person who was in charge. He would ask certain questions that would kinda toss our, toss our toss our toss our great coaches off track. And he really just did a fantastic job of getting absolutely every person in our program off track. I'm gonna be honest.
Speaker 2:Every time that he showed up, there would be this thing inside of me that was like, oh, man. Junior's here again, and we're gonna have a really, really hard time today at program. Junior stuck around in our program in 6th grade. We didn't see an improvement then, but he had this one mentor. And his mentor continued to show up day after day, week after week, month after month.
Speaker 2:He just spent time with him. He invested. He loved Junior exactly where he was at. Little Junior moved schools, and he didn't have an opportunity to be in our program each and every day, but his mentor still continued to spend time with him. Seemingly out of nowhere, Junior went from this immature kid who was a leader, but he was going in the wrong direction to all of a sudden he shows up and he's this mature leader who people are following, but this time he's going in the right direction.
Speaker 2:He is the life of a party, but this time in a good way. He's kind and he's polite and he's funny, and he's just a really, really, really good kid. We took him to camp this past summer, and he actually won an award for being being such a good leader at camp. We're so proud of him.
Speaker 1:That's awesome.
Speaker 2:And this is what's so crazy is that it wasn't like he had some, like, huge moment. What happened was his mentor continued to show up on a day in and day out basis. And what I believe is some of the seeds that were tossed in 5th grade whenever he didn't have his stuff together, whenever he was acting in a way, that most people would consider bad. Those seeds that we planted in in 5th grade, they didn't actually sprout until 8th or 9th grade. And now he's about to be, a junior in high school and he's just a fantastic kid.
Speaker 2:And it's amazing to watch. And all that the only thing that his mentor did was trust the Lord. He showed up time after time, regardless of the outcomes, regardless of the fruit, and the Lord transformed his life whenever he was ready.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Facing difficulty in your mentor relationship
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:May be a sign that you are successful.
Speaker 2:That's good.
Speaker 3:The tension may actually show that you're doing a good job, not you're doing a horrible job. Yeah. And I I think that can, yeah, be really freeing, like, that that conflict and difficulty within relationships. Those are like, good marriages have good conflict Yeah. And are healthy because of of the the difficulty, not despite of it.
Speaker 3:As as mentors, we need to understand our our own difficulties when it comes to engaging in relationships that have conflict. And, I mean, that's that's why our culture's divorce rate is so high. It's why we'd rather have a lot of surface level relationships than a few we invest deeply in. And that's because when conflict occurs, when it's not working out, we're free to walk away if we have surface level friendships. So we don't have to confront, we don't have to change personally, and we don't have to deal with it.
Speaker 3:We can just go elsewhere.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:And I think, ultimately, in mentoring, we're making a commitment to relationship.
Speaker 2:That's good.
Speaker 3:And it's not a covenant, a contract, but it is a commitment. And I think with that comes conflict and difficulty, and it may feel like failure. But for this kid to have someone who's committed to him that's not family, that speaks volumes and trains him in relationships that he's never had. That's good. Practically, what does it look like to trust the Lord in this mentoring relationship?
Speaker 3:Mhmm.
Speaker 1:Pray for your your kid. Pray for them. Surrender them to the Lord. Because of Jesus, we get to approach the king of kings so boldly and so freely for anything. And the fact that we can just approach God who is all loving, all knowing, knows exactly what this kid is going through, knows exactly where this kid will be in a year, 10 years, 20 years, 40 years.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And so on, getting to talk to God about this child is huge. I think in my own life, I have seen, like, my heart softens so much more for the people that I am praying for.
Speaker 2:Yes. Yeah. That's right.
Speaker 1:And when you daily get on your knees for the child that you are mentoring, you begin to see them even more how God sees them. And, like, when they do, we'll continue to talk about this, but when they do make improvements, you are able to recognize them as God's victory in that child's life and not your own.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because it's not we just we're talking about that. It's not about us, And we don't bring anything, like, super new to the table because we're sinful humans too.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But praying for your child and the kid that the kid that you're mentoring is hugely, hugely important and really is a an act of trusting God.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I know for me, there's 2 things. It's 1, I try to pray for the kid that I mentor like I pray for my own children. Mhmm. And like I pray for myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think that that helps me out a ton. For those of you guys out there who have children, it's so powerful when you pray for the kid that you mentored like you pray for your own children.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:The second thing that I that helps me pray a ton is to get an expo marker and just to write his name on my mirror. So that that way, every time that I look into the mirror, every time that I comb my hair or brush my teeth, I'm seeing his name. And it is just a quick, dear God, please be with so and so today. God, please watch over him. Please take care of him.
Speaker 3:Our second point today, when you think about are you successful in mentoring, is that mentor relationships are a marathon. This is, more than just, you know, your your typical 5 k little relationship over there at White Rock.
Speaker 2:You, Yeah. This is in the 40 yard dash.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So, I mean, it it's helpful to recognize that if you're facing a challenge that this is not the end
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 3:And to keep going. Yeah. So
Speaker 1:If I was to expect my mentee to change overnight
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I am just, like, the most prideful person in the world to think that that is possible because Jesus is looking at me like, okay, you know, you're 8 years down the road in this relationship with me. Right. And you have like turned 2 degrees.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You know, and like we it is a lifetime walk with Jesus. And so for us to expect anything different in a like, that is a relationship between God and man, like a perfect being, But then to expect a relationship to change, like, super fast between human to human Yeah. It's it's silly almost. And so we have to recognize that it is it is all about just consistency in showing up and loving a child. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, and it it sounds silly, but you think about a marathon and you get to mile 10. You're like, oh my gosh. I have so many more to go. But then every there is a mile marker every time, like, literally. It sounds so silly, but it is like a little victory.
Speaker 1:And so we have to recognize every time we hang out with the kid that we are mentoring, we have to focus on that moment. And, yes, we want to be focused and excited for the things that could be coming. Yep. And, like, just like in a marathon, you're excited for when you reach the end or when you, like, reach the next mile. But you are focusing on what you're doing today and what you're doing today with your mentee.
Speaker 1:And okay. I am hanging out with them this afternoon, and what is that going to look like? And what lord, what what can I say today, or what are you going to reveal today about my mentee or to my mentee about your character? Yeah. Which I just think is huge.
Speaker 3:When I've run races, I'm I'm not a I'm not a nerd.
Speaker 1:I'm not a fan
Speaker 2:of honor.
Speaker 3:I don't have a sticker on my car.
Speaker 2:I've got 4 stickers on my car.
Speaker 3:I I ran a I ran a half marathon. Okay?
Speaker 2:Congratulations.
Speaker 3:But when I ran my half marathon, I was not thinking about other people
Speaker 1:running. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I was thinking about me running. And so, there were old ladies passing me. I'm gonna be honest. And there were other people that I was beating, but I was not thinking about comparing myself. And I'm sure some mentor like, marathon people are comparing their race to other people's race, trying to win or whatever.
Speaker 3:But as a mentor, that's territory where you are going to feel like a failure. If you start comparing yourself to other mentors or other mentor relationships That's good. Because you have to run your race. Be excited about where you're at in the race that you're in, And you may have a season where you need to stop and check yourself and walk and not just run Yeah. Hardcore.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And so, I mean, I just feel like you need to understand yourself and your own health rather than, just trying to keep up with some degree of what you feel like your Yeah. Mentor relationship should look like.
Speaker 2:That's so good, Steven. And, that's actually going to be a topic that we'll cover here in the next couple of weeks. But for you as a mentor to invest into the life of this child, you've got to, 1st and foremost, take care of yourself. And there are seasons in your life whenever you've got to walk. There's going to be seasons where you might be able to see your kid only once a month or only once every 2 months.
Speaker 2:That doesn't mean that you're a failure.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Because the Lord loves this kid more than you do, and the Lord is for your mentor relationship. Just be open and honest with them. Hey. Look, man. I just had a baby and my wife needs me and my kids need me, and I might not be around as much for the next 3 months.
Speaker 2:It's okay to say that to the kid who you mentor. It's okay to set those expectations. It's okay to walk every so often because you have to be filled up. You have to be good as a mentor if the Lord's going to use you to pour anything out in into the life of a child. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's so important. You have to take care of yourself because you cannot give what you yourself don't have. There are going to be times if you are in a mentoring relationship for a long period of time, there's gonna be times whenever you fall. There's gonna be times whenever you have a fight with your kid. There's gonna be times whenever you guys get mad at each other.
Speaker 2:That's okay. But what can't happen is you can't quit. You can't stay down. You've got to pick yourself back up and apologize or have that hard conversation. Do whatever you need to do to make things right and to pick yourself back up and to continue on with the race.
Speaker 2:What are some practical things that you do to remind yourself on a consistent basis that your mentoring relationship is a marathon?
Speaker 3:What I do is I I have these pictures of my mentee in my house. One of them is, like, he's a young kid, and his his face looks, like, really old for some reason. I don't know. But it's like a Benjamin Button kinda deal. And then another one, he's, like, in his football uniform, and he's like holding a picture frame, and he's like looking through it.
Speaker 3:It's just like your really cheesy high school picture.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You you know what I'm Mhmm. I'm talking about. But I just look at those and I I just see him Every year, he's getting older.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Every year, he's becoming a man. And just looking at this this short few years that I I've been with him, I've seen growth.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I've
Speaker 3:seen him progress in his own life. And I I think just keeping that those pictures before me of his life keep me from just evaluating myself and just looking at him and in enjoying and remembering. And, like, when I look at pictures of my wife and I, I don't think about, oh, man. I'm failing as a husband or I'm not doing a great job. This is this is what I could be doing.
Speaker 3:Like, when I look at that picture, I just feel joy. Yeah. I feel love. I feel appreciation. I feel this is like, I love my wife.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so when I look at pictures of my mentee, I don't think about my failures as a mentor or what I could be doing better. I'm just like, I love that guy.
Speaker 2:That's awesome.
Speaker 3:And, I think that's helpful to to keep you in the race. Because I think that's the goal is to stay in the race, not just get faster or what whatever notion. Just stay in the race. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Cash, I I think one thing that you said was to to celebrate the mile markers. Mhmm. And that right there brings us to our third point, which is celebrate every improvement.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Celebrate every improvement. When you see your mentee, when they bring a good grade to you, when they are even, like, polite in a social setting, you don't have to be weird about it, but you can, like, you can acknowledge their successes and acknowledge that you see them growing and acknowledge that you see them improving, which I just think is really important because it's way easier to focus on what is not happening Mhmm. And way easier to focus on the negative and to say or at least to think about what is not happening. And this goes back to our conversation last week about expectations.
Speaker 1:Yeah. But when we focus on the good and focus on what is happening and what what improvements are being made, we begin to become even more of a cheerleader in a sense for our mentees. Yeah. And, I think every every single person wants to improve whether they admit it or not.
Speaker 2:Who in here who if you're tuning into this podcast, who doesn't like being celebrated? Right? Now there's some people who might not be able to receive it, but I have never had a moment in my life where I'm like, hey, man, do you think you could stop encouraging me? I really could use less, positive things said about me. Hey.
Speaker 2:Thanks. Right? Like, kids love that stuff. Like, they they eat up whenever you're proud of them. Man, there is such power in saying, hey, man.
Speaker 2:I am proud of you. You're doing a really good job in this area.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:As mentioned when they, like, look away when you're encouraging them.
Speaker 2:Right. You're look me in the eyes. I am proud of you. I love you. Believe it.
Speaker 2:Believe it. You are full of worth. You have a ton of potential. You're doing a good job, son. Right?
Speaker 2:Yeah. But for some of our kids, they literally maybe have never heard that before.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:It might be the first time that someone's ever told them, you're doing a good job. You're a good kid. You're smart. I believe in you. I'm proud of you.
Speaker 2:I love you. And, man, we have got to capitalize on those moments whenever you witness them doing something that's like Jesus or when you witness them improving in some situation. We've gotta point that out, and we've got encouragement that.
Speaker 1:Because you might be the only person that is literally actively looking for the good.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Because you don't know you're not there at school with these kids, and you may have teachers who are saying
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You're not smart enough. You didn't do this well. You're acting up again. You're going to ISS again.
Speaker 2:You're just some punk kid.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And you may that may be what these children are hearing.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And so for you to be someone to intervene and to say, no. I am gonna be the person that is looking for the good. It doesn't mean that you're condoning wrong behavior, but you are you are focusing on what is going right
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:And and calling out the worth and the value there
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Which is huge. And you are speaking truth over these kids. That may be the only truth that they are hearing.
Speaker 2:Yes. That's speaking to their identity because this world, which is of the devil, it is really good at telling them where they're weak or where they're failing or who they are not.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:What an awesome opportunity that we have to speak true identity into them. Mhmm. Because our kids hear so often, you act bad. You're a bad kid. You are a punk.
Speaker 2:You aren't gonna be anything but some thug. Right? And that is of the devil. I'm gonna say that right now that that is Satan speaking lies over our kids and our kids hear that on a consistent basis. Mhmm.
Speaker 2:And I'm not gonna stand for that. And that's so cool that we, as mentors, get to be the voice of Jesus and say, no. No. No. No.
Speaker 2:No. That's a lie. Let me tell you the truth. That you're loved for who you are, not for what you do. And I love you, and I'm not going anywhere because you're worth it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Mhmm.
Speaker 3:In a world that assumes the worst, we are going to see the best.
Speaker 2:We are gonna believe the best and call it out. That's right. Mhmm. That's good.
Speaker 1:It cultivates it really does cultivate a heart of gratitude in yourself when you look for the good in a kid, you when you're able to recognize even a small victory
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You are able to say, oh, thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord, for this victory. Yeah. And it brings all the glory back to God. And that is every every podcast that we talk about, all of these points are they all run together.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because we when we are able to celebrate a victory and then point it back to the lord, we are again trusting the lord with our relationship with our mentee. And then we're able to run the marathon, and then we are able to, again, call out the victories. And I just think that every time we notice a small thing in a child, the Lord is that much more glorified in this relationship because every improvement, every every time we look more like Jesus, God is getting the glory, and he is worth all of the glory. Right. When people recognize and celebrate me, like, I did not grow up in a home where the little things were celebrated well.
Speaker 1:And so when I started having people in my life say, like, Caroline, you are really good at talking to kids. Yeah. Caroline, you are really compassionate. And I started hearing that from older women. It was shocking to me.
Speaker 1:Shocking. And I didn't believe it at first. And I, like, even, like, acted out in some ways against that because I was like, you probably just saying that to be nice. I'm gonna prove you wrong. And they were still encouraging that in me, and I am now able to, like, walk in those in those things that I believe the Lord has gifted me in.
Speaker 1:Right. And so it is like a huge piece of calling out the identity of these kids. The true their true identity in Jesus.
Speaker 2:One of my favorite sayings is to encourage a kid is to open up his chest and to insert courage. Yes. Right? And that's what we get to do as mentors. It is really hard to live in today's society.
Speaker 2:And we get to open up their chest and insert courage and say, no, no, no. You have what it takes to succeed. You can do this. I believe in you and the Lord does too. You can become a world changer and a history maker in the name of Jesus.
Speaker 2:Let's do this.
Speaker 1:Yeah. That's good.
Speaker 2:And you get to, day after day, give them the courage that they need to fight against peer pressure or to fight against societal norms or to fight against their generational sin. Right? My granddad was in jail. My dad was in jail. My cousins are in jail.
Speaker 2:I am going to be in jail. Oh wait, no, I'm not because my mentor says I can be different. And there's so much power in that because our kids need courage to be different because this world, especially in high school, especially in junior high school, especially in elementary school, as a kid, this world's a hard place.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And even just to come back, when we say a kid from a hard place, we're saying these kids are sitting at an intersection of injustice, that that their experience is not because of something that they have done Right. But because of their environment, the place they grew up. Right. The things they've experienced, that they had no actual choice within.
Speaker 3:And and that's that's the place that we are in to give encouragement. Mhmm. Not to get something from them, but to give something to them.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And and kids from hard places, they probably have a very developed BS meter when they hear someone trying to manipulate or get something from them
Speaker 2:Mhmm.
Speaker 3:When it comes to encouragement.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I I feel like for us, we come with encouragement with no strings attached. Right. Yeah. We just want them to feel valued, loved. And I I think that can be a very powerful thing to first experience when you receive an encouragement and it doesn't come with, hey.
Speaker 3:Could you do this for me? Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. For real.
Speaker 2:And there's been kids in our program who, whenever they get a mentor, they intentionally act in a way that will push the mentor away because they wanna see if they're gonna stick around. That's what's so crazy is they have been so hurt and they've been so burned by people that they should have been able to trust that whenever someone says, hey, I wanna spend time with you, their first reaction is, I'm gonna check out and see if this person's for real. Exactly. And I'm gonna act a fool, and I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna say this, and I'm not gonna open up, and I'm not gonna I'm gonna make it as difficult as possible for them to get to know me to see if they'll stick around. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we as mentors have the opportunity to say, hey, you can act however you're gonna react, however you're gonna act, and I'm still gonna be here because that's what Jesus does with us.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:We're gonna focus in on the good. We're gonna focus in on the one thing that they're doing right, and trust the Lord with the 99 things that they're doing wrong because we wanna show this kid that we're gonna celebrate who they are and we're gonna love them no matter what. And there was a kid who I was spending time with and he made a 50 on a math test. Right? And the old me would have just gone off on him.
Speaker 2:You made a 50? How come you didn't study? How come you didn't do this? How come you didn't do that? But when I step back and say, okay, let's think about the trajectory.
Speaker 2:Well, what I forgot was the kid made a 20 the week before. And so really, I've got a choice. I can say, you made a 50. That's bad. You need to study harder.
Speaker 2:You need to do this, this, this. Or I can say, hey, man. You made a 20 last week. You made a 50 this week. That's an improvement.
Speaker 2:Way to go. Yeah. Awesome job improving. Now let's talk about how to take that 50 and turn it into a 70. And then whenever he makes a 70, hey.
Speaker 2:Let let's talk about what it's gonna take to get that 70 to an 85. Right? So you're basically saying the same thing. One's focusing on the bad and one's focusing in on the good.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And that's what I wanna be as a mentor. I have had kids say, coach Garza, I don't like coming to you because you make me feel like a failure. I've had kids say that and that hurts. And that's not who I wanna be. I wanna celebrate the wins, and I want that kid to know that they can come to me and receive love regardless of their actions, regardless of their behaviors.
Speaker 2:Because that's how the Lord wants me to be with him. So, mentors, one thing that I charge us all to do is to be your mentee's biggest fan. Right? Be the person who encourages them the most. Be the person who celebrates them the most.
Speaker 2:And be the person who believes in them the most.
Speaker 1:Thanks everyone for listening to the podcast today. Just as a reminder, these are our 3 big takeaways, to trust the Lord, that mentoring is a marathon, and celebrate every improvement. We just wanna ask the question as mentors, not what is success, but what is the trajectory of this kid's life because of our relationship. And if we can change it one degree or 10 degrees, that is success. And when we are trusting in, in the Lord, the rest will follow.
Speaker 1:Check out our show notes for other resources that we have available, and we'll talk soon.
Speaker 2:You can mentor.