Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Scarbrand is screaming. A C'tan is loose. And the only way to cage a star god is three hands on a Necron plinth while a daemon the size of a building tries to kill you. Chonkus throws Pi Brain like a bullet. Reeb finds de Fuckerby dying under rubble, grants him one final monologue, and grinds a boot heel into his skull. The prison reactivates. The crew limps home to a standing ovation from ratlings, gang members, and one very relieved child. Reeb makes Interrogator. Pi Brain gets recalled to Lemuria -- a real tech priest at last. Zedek inherits a second ship he will absolutely destroy. They leave teacups where only the others will find them, and fade to black as Tater Tot waves goodbye to the golden ghost of an old Fenrisian psyker walking into the stars.
Website: https://www.narrativedeclaration.com
System: WH40K Wrath & Glory
Creators and Guests
Host
Guest
Guest
Guest
What is WarHams - Narrative Declaration?
WarHams! The TTRPG live play show set in the grim dark world of Warhammer 40,000. Follow us @NarrativeDeclaration on all social media!
Three, two, one, go!
Excellent sexy!
All righty, chat!
Are you ready for another exciting episode of War Homs?
And many more!
Goddamn, hashtag respect!
You should have told me you guys were harmonizing.
I went this far.
I tried, but oh damn.
THX.
EA Sports.
It's in the game.
It's in the game.
All right, hi everybody.
Welcome back to War Homs.
We're at the finale.
The last stretch.
I think we've gone through so many things together.
So many adventures.
But first off, I want to introduce you to the players who have made this adventure happen.
To the ones who have come together with their amazing talents, their amazing personalities.
Bring you the story that we have told you today.
And all throughout the previous episode, starting off with Speaker D.
Wonderful individual.
Excellent writer.
Playing as Pybrain.
Tell them about yourself.
Yes, hi.
I'm Speaker D.
I'm one of the lead writers.
Of If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device.
And I'm also one of the lead writers of the current projects of Alpha Busa going forward.
I am a very funny man, and I am very happy and blessed to have been here with all of you and see the end of our story.
I play Pybrain the Skitarii, but you probably already knew this.
Next up, we have...
Aaron Dill, fantastic individual to speak with, excellent writer, overall fantastic personality, who has been playing Reeb Van Horn, if you want to tell people about yourself.
You know, Zoran, the bear's supposed to be brown, not the nose.
Oh!
Zing.
Yes, I'm Aaron Dill.
I'm right there with Speaker.
Been working with Alpha for a long while on his show, and will continue to do so for presumably a long while, come hell or high water.
But probably high water would drown me, so that would be bad.
And yes, I am playing Reeb Van Horn, Inquisitorial Acolyte.
He doesn't get to be an Inquisitor yet, because this show didn't get that far.
Fuck!
You're making sense.
And next up, we have Hulky Crow, who has been playing Captain Zedek.
You've been wonderful.
No, no, I gotta praise you, fucker.
You need to shut down.
We praising today!
Get him!
Hit him!
Hit him!
Praise the sun.
Get him!
Get him!
Fuck it!
Fuck it!
Fuck it!
Anyway, Hulky, you've been absolutely phenomenal.
Your voice acting skills are, like, even I'm jealous of them.
You do a phenomenal job for the things I've seen from it.
You've been an excellent personality on the show.
And you want to tell people more about yourself?
Sure.
I mean, I'm Hulky Crow.
I do some voice acting for the Empire Ahead text-to-speech device, and presumably some other projects in the future.
Don't really know what to say much about that.
But all in all, incredibly, incredibly blessed.
I don't want to sound too similar to Speaker, but I do echo the same sentiment,
that this has been an absolute blessing to be a part of this project.
To go from people who I knew and honestly looked up to beforehand
and had the privilege and honor of calling you guys friends, too.
It's been fantastic.
And it's been...
It's been fantastic.
It's going to be sad to close this chapter, but there's so much more to come,
and I'm looking forward to doing more stuff with it.
And next up, we have our illustrious Game Master,
the one who has been torturing us the entire time,
but torturing us with happiness.
I can say definitely that I have been enjoying the ride all throughout, like, a year and a half,
I think we've been doing this.
I think over a year.
It's been a while.
Wait, didn't we start this in 2019?
Did we?
Oh, shit.
Has it been two years?
Almost.
No, no.
Close.
It's like a year and a half.
Time is fluid here.
Yeah.
It's been a good chunk of time, but yeah.
But regardless, like, I've been sitting with Thurston all for helping for, like,
some session preps over, like, for some of the panels that you've seen,
a whole bunch of stuff, making him brainstorm a whole bunch of other things.
Like, he...
Like, Thurston, you have been so insurmountably helpful
on just even making this possible.
And I can just say thank you from the bottom of my heart
from all the work and everything that you put into this.
Like, and is there anything else you'd like to, you know,
tell people about yourself?
No, no, no.
That, no, no.
Actually, thank you for that little lore tidbit.
So, for those of you who don't know, Zoran and I,
every session we have a pre-thing, him and I,
where we go through and set up some of the assets
and make sure everything's running well for the session.
We'll sit down.
Usually it's three hours of us doing that and bullshitting
because we're good friends.
And, yeah.
On Thursday, when we sat down and did that,
what we realized is that we have a spreadsheet we do
and, like, we had over 250 different little asset items in there
from tokens to handouts to backgrounds.
And, quite honestly, just seeing that number at the end
kind of hit me and, like, just what we've put into this.
For those of you who don't know, I work in the games industry.
I am a developer for Paizo Publishing.
And, you know, prior to that, I've had my, like, names in books and stuff.
But, like, honestly, this is probably the greatest achievement
I've had in the gaming industry
because, like, this is something that we've all got to share together as friends,
something we've enjoyed, and something that, you know,
a whole ton of people have enjoyed and really shown their support and love.
And I could, you know, talk about myself here,
but I really just want to throw it back at all of our fans
who've just been utterly amazing.
And just the comments, the private messages, the emails,
the Twitter messages, the fan art,
all of you are just such fucking badasses.
And I'm really glad that, you know,
you've all been here for this wild and crazy ride
that started off with Zoran approaching me
while I was huddled in a corner at Gen Con going,
I hear you like the Warhams.
It's fucking unreal that we've made it to this point.
Yeah.
Jesus, God, you're all great.
And I love your faces.
I'm getting emotional already.
I think it literally started with somebody who was like,
hey, like, but you like Warhammer a lot, right?
I'm like, yeah, yeah.
And he's like, you'll love Thurston.
He's over there.
And then immediately this out all kind of spiraled.
But yeah, but also I think we could also kind of say thank you
to Alpha Boots and the other TTS gang.
Absolutely.
You know, like, you know, like, like Fresh and Zegarum and Trinstog.
And Thunder Psyker and Stringstorm.
Also our artists, Skelly Bean, Magnificow,
who did Warhams Animated,
like Garrett, who did phenomenal art for the show.
Like everybody, like Jamie helping me out with little,
like website things and stuff like that.
Like whole bunch of people, like just part of the gang,
pretty much just, you know, helped us test things out,
look over through things, like just overall,
just being amazing.
Yeah.
People.
So, yeah.
So before we start, so before we start everything,
we at least wanted to say, you know, thank you to all the people there.
We're like without Alpha, none of this would also really kind of get
off the ground for what it was.
And I owe a lot of stuff to him because, because we've sat down in the past,
I've tried my best to help him out on projects he's helped sit down with me
and can help me out with things here and there.
And to pretty much has been, you know, a nice professional
relationship and stuff like that.
But we both, you know, really care about a lot of stuff.
We both really care about each other.
We both, you know, are really good at being good at being good at being good
at being good at doing things and really entertaining people.
So for that I'm just, I think that it also thank you to everybody who watches us
because without people telling us that we exist, other circles, without people
telling people that like, Hey, Warhams is a show that you should check out
without those people, like sharing the videos, telling people about the show,
like presenting it to their friends.
so thank you to you guys have absolutely been amazing and still amazing people i think this
is gonna be last time we're doing this career we'll be changing the patreon thing soon so what
servitors who are supposed to be looking after tater tot but apparently failed their mission
their mission still in the debt collector the uh the the list of servitor corpses that are at the
bottom of the star god summoning pit uh for this week include uh mechanicus inept the digital demon
volant nine ben maglio as the demon intern chem dog trout frederick acker and doxus and along
with with those uh servitors that we've caught up on who've supported us over on our patreon just
another shout out to all the other servitors who came before uh who showed up in episodes or showed
up in in pre-titles and just everyone else on that that patreon that this that this the shout
out goes to you absolutely um yeah before before we get started
can i say something very quickly yeah go for it um yeah and i i don't know if earned a little
until also joining on this this is kind of off the cuff but i'm realizing that um as far as we've
planned this uh episode today is essentially the very last piece of tts media that will be made
uh unless things change within you know games workshop or whatever whenever we come around to
it so as of right now this is the last piece of tts media that will be made uh unless things change
within you know games workshop or whatever whenever we come around to it so as of right now this is the last piece of tts
um that will be produced and speaking as one of the lead writers and someone that's been on this
journey for a long time urndel's been here even longer than i have um i just really like to thank
everyone not only that's enjoyed warhams but that has enjoyed if the emperor had a text-to-speech
device um this project has been one of the most important in my life i'm very thankful to alpha
busa i'm very thankful to all of the people who have contributed to this project i'm very thankful
to all of the people that have worked on this project be it warhams be it tts and um my heart
really goes out to all of you guys and everyone that's ever enjoyed our content
that's why i do what i do and um while this is not the ending i'm sure we all would have loved
um i hope that in some way this can be a nice send-off to this lovely project and um i move
forward to what's coming next because we're not going anywhere
and um i'm very thankful to everyone that stuck around with us i don't know if urndel would want
to say anything i'm sure he echoes my sentiments but um you could ask me i did i said i'm passing
the book we don't have to hear a dead talk actually we could just go if only i was here
no i don't agree move on i'm giving an extremely heartfelt and sentimental statement i'm sure
urndel if he were here would have something
different i had a text-to-speech device he would tell us he would tell us this understand urndel go
ahead and speak you've been here you're my you're you're this you're you've been here longer than me
so i think i just want to let you finish fair enough i'm done i i'm i'm just happy to be here
and i'm i'm happy uh yeah it's it's been something let me tell you coming coming from the start and
all this nonsense and fine working my way to being on a freaking tabletop show was not exactly the
direction i saw that taking
still technically isn't i guess i'm still mostly a writer and other kinds of things but uh it's it's
it's a hell of a lot of stuff to cover in a short span speaker really did say most of what i would
have wanted to say and such that kind of thing so i don't feel the need to repeat myself mostly
because we're kind of just pushing the ball down the road road now and we know we're stalling for
time letting people get in here i guess i don't know tim's all cynical not at all yeah no not
actually from the heart
fact that i've been preparing assets last minute yeah yeah yeah if only we we have spent a lot of
time working with off on a lot of things uh zorn has been you know he's been instrumental in helping
us way back when he would like stream the openings to episodes and we could all be there and just you
know around and talk after the episode answer dumb questions about like who would win in a
fight magnus or what the hell is this russ thank you i forgot his name because i already don't care
but that's that's just the thing is like we'd we'd sit here and we'd around and
we built up plenty of rapport doing you know around that's what we did until we do best
and that's why we're here so really want to thank everyone who's been around mostly because
you guys have really helped out alpha he's been one of my best friends for the longest time
uh going on i think 10 or 11 years now so he's he's he's earned a lot of the the
the good support that he's gotten i occasionally have to lean back and restrain myself from
pummeling people being like uh no he didn't deserve anything it's like uh dickweed we we
are sitting behind the scenes here busting our asses eating this working so it's it's
good to see that he gets a lot of recognition for a lot of the work he's done and of course
we're happy to we're happy to make stuff for you and i'm happy i'd be i'd love to make this
my full-time job we're working on that because let me tell you it's
be a damn sight more fun than working for the government
as a hitman yeah sure yeah we we know he's earned deals up to something sincerely we we are going to
be continuing to work in fact we're making good progress on some stuff right now i think y'all
might like it but that remains to be seen you just gotta hope that y'all stick around in addition to
whatever all happens here with war hams which is really it's a really great name for a show that is
worth a lot of feeling like that we're gonna make thisULUG Mafia
aware
de meditation
luz
badly
be quiet
crystal to see we wouldn't need photographs to remember the past that's right also i want to say
this and i'm gonna like take the mood a little bit here by saying this y'all don't don't hammer
on games workshop overly much we're we're trying to just put distance okay y'all y'all can have
your individual like irritations with them and that's okay but just let's let's keep the riling
to a minimum okay we're we're just wanting to put space between us and them because we've already
got plenty of people being like ah of course they did it for the drama it's totally not because
they just want to be secure and not deal with this so you know let's just let's just dial it
okay let's uh anyway so with that
i guess well i don't want to start
we'll be ready for the finale in two weeks
everybody
what adventure do you have for us today all right look let me be let me be completely honest here
like typically this is where i would do the recap thing and i'd be like all this stuff happened last
episode if you're coming here and this is your first episode you're kind of fucked like just
just point putting that out there um all right so where we start is at the end of last episode a lot
of crazy shit happened uh are are in like in
trepid band of chuckle fucks went on to some kind of dead planet uh with xenos technology
where they found that they're their foes they have burgo de fuck be the 24th of his name
uh turning on some button that activated something that summoned some kind of screaming entity from
beyond the veil of reality uh and then lauren did all of his darndest to make sure that didn't
happen our poor sanctioned psyker passed away in the process leaving a tear in reality that
ended up i don't know causing this
uh this this silliness to happen as a uh entity of the warp manifests into our reality
lorne our our great hero sacrificed uh to to the immaterium to stop slayer burgo de fuckerby from
gaining all of the power of this entity but now there is a raging embodiment of the star god
hovering in the background but out of the rift and the warp comes a new entity a red
tinged demonic figure befitted in armor and brass decode in the style of skulls with tattered
wings and twin great axes and it just emerges into the reality uh of our material plane shouting out
one word and as it does so in the foreground of our great cinematic image as we begin this session
we have three diminutive figures
and the fourth incredibly even more diminutive tiny figure of tater tot uh standing under the
shadow of great tattered wings as this red demon entity manifests and begins shouting its hate
for the universe um all right so uh pie brain rebe van horn and captain zedek what are all of
you doing as this is happening all right guys can we take him
no
no he's going the other way now he's the size of the building
bellowing is the the reverberations cause your teeth to shatter in your mouth and in the case
of my brain your bionics to to shake all about you uh and like tater tot stands there staring up
kind of like tugging at your cloak zedek but that's about it he is just as scared uh looking
up at this immense incredible uh demonic entity that is staring around and its eyes looking and
locking down at the three of you its massive axes the heads of which are the size of you
raised in the air as it shouts hurt
we need to leave yesterday we should go
we might win
because our speed all right let's go uh and and like as as you say all of that the the entity
like takes a moment and and draws one of its axes and like smashes it down in the doorway
uh blocking you off again shouting out
scar brandy and then there is a pause as it seems to to notice something else and the entity
turns its head moving away from you
and looking towards the screaming green xenos entity form that floats in the center of the
chamber bringing in the energy and like with that you you can hear that the the axe that's
blocking your path is being moved up and the the demon's face turns into a smile of addictive one
you
hate as he raises up his axes and turns towards the figure preparing preparing to rush it
i don't see any reason why we should get involved in that let's get out of here
yes now might be a battle that we can win best with orbital artillery
i agree let's fucking leave
and go and grab the
and go and grab the
and go and grab the
and go and grab the damn child and let's get moving
i'm working on it he's right here
and and as as you have grabbed the tot and you begin making your way to the doorway
uh i'll get all of you uh i'll get all of you to give me an awareness test
you got it
here we go
uh okay here we go
rolled
i got seven and the ref critical
ah one success making me the victor
oh i have three successes
i went below
okay
okay um so all of you uh hear hear sounds coming from like all around you but then you you hear
them from the tunnel you hear this like treading and like immense footfalls boom boom coming from
down the hallway boom boom um and pi brain you hear heavy heavy breathing coming from within the
hall it's kind of like reverberating down the hallway
it's kind of like reverberating down the hallway
boom
yes the space marine he must have won his fight and has come to enforce us
and then the immense shadow takes form in the hallway a a literal
bastion of muscle and size it's each step it takes boom boom boom
yes
yes
and then we're safe take the lights the light illuminates not one but two figures
as uh you see prefect malta behind which is chonkus walking out from the shadows
that's okay too
uh
rebun sings his fucking flamer
not at chonkus not at chonkus
hey
tonkus is so happy that you guys are okay
yes it's nice to see you again chonkus glad you managed to get out of that situation
please move to the left tonkus looks at that as chonkus moves to the left he points out there
the fuck is that thing worry about that getting out and the prefect grabs chonkus's and like one
of chonkus's fingers like her whole hand wrapping around it maybe don't go anywhere just yet yet
chonkus uh now now and she holds a data slate in her other hand now now listen i i understand you
might be very angry at me for some past events which i i can certainly understand but you have
to you have to understand that it's very important that you are in right places at right times that's
that's that's that's that's the whole thing you see that's out a puff of flame from it like a
not not to hit her just like threatening look look look ah i suppose i can i can tell you now i'm i'm
maybe not just an administrative assistant on fimbria um and and i had specific orders to
make sure you were you were shepherded along in a specific way which i think
kind of worked out well for us didn't it meanwhile in the background now the immense red demon has
begun slashing axes into the reforming green xenos entity their their shouts echoing through
this immense chamber yes about that amalda it seems as though being shepherded around managed
to land us in seriously hot water well yes uh but it seems that from what i'm seeing the the
entity is free and uh you you successfully stopped a fucker b we also have lorn
one thing at a time woman we have not succeeded in fact i believe you will find that the massive
green glowing entity is a sign that we have failed
oh well i wouldn't say say failure according to my calculations this had a roughly 5.3 chance of
occurring which which is within acceptable parameters we can still salvage this situation
i had to come on site to be certain myself to make sure everything else uh met my calculations
and and that's why chonk is here accompanied me he's been such a such a good protector
uh fending off all of those
you know
terrifying xenos and other things your calculations and lack of transparency has
gotten one of our number killed and seen this situation spiral out of control the planet was
almost destroyed by an inquisitor it has succeeded against your so-called calculations
so you're going to start being transparent or i'm going to hollow you out and show you what
transparency looks like hi reeb is going is like holding out his hand to keep pie back
and like of course
isn't nathan a topping of this hide monster
wait
even though i know holodeck is doing it
it seems that in the background of this event
like a magic
the red demon does continue to struggle
oemalda
this entire world is some sort of ancient xenos prison that was meant to keep that thing contained
reed turns around and looks at everything you don't bloody say yes but but as i as i'm saying
we can't simply go into orbit and destroy the planet though though the inquisitor lord would
very much like to do that he doesn't understand the ramifications if the planet were to be
destroyed this thing would be allowed free roam in our galaxy which cannot be allowed to happen
so what we should probably do is put it back in its prison yes that would be a very wise idea
in regards to inquisitor lord milk your has he been blown out of the bloody sky or is he still
going to threaten to shell us i'm going to deal with him next i had to come down here to make
sure this situation was handled first
so we we
still have an inquisitor lord with a much as much as it pains me to admit better and better
armed ship waiting in orbit to turn us into what is essentially maybe paste if we're lucky
and we have to put a building-sized cosmic ghost back in a box
and like as you say that you feel the tug at your robe you can do it i believe
in you from from the tot yes yes what what the child said um that would yes
but you can have chonkus here he'll help you hey oh bloody wonderful i like chonkus i really do
i like you too i don't know how that's gonna help us put the building back in the not building box
i don't want to sacrifice
him
you see uh if if my calculations are corrected she goes over to like the nearby wall where
there's some kind of strange xenose paneling should be around here somewhere based off of
the last recorded installation of this type just give me one moment ah here
and like press this button and you you you can feel the ground under you slightly shake as it
starts to move out slightly from the walls
all right well this this sequence should cause the the platform to lower down to the bottom level
there you should be able to hide as the voice rumbles around her and she pauses looking at her
data slate allowing the the demonic entity to finish screaming as i was saying you should
be able to simply uh press the button it looks like it requires uh for some reason that this
species always like doing things in threes it requires uh three depressions so three of your
hands on the button which should reactivate the prison and put that thing back into its stasis
could we simply not undo whatever defakrabi did he needed a sacrifice if i'm not if i'm not
mistaken would it not be so simple as to undo that well you see once the entity was
bound into a body it broke free of the prison temporarily overloading it but its powers are
no longer that level if you reactivate the prison it should it should theoretically
re-imprison the entity and then the body should still be salvageable
if i know what he's sacrificed it is likely that tech priestess i had been trying so
ever so bloody hard to keep alive no thanks to you pie
i suppose we have no choice no i don't know why who are you working for
what is your agenda here you know much about the xeno technology
you seem to have been manipulating events but of course you chose to manipulate four morons
working for the crusade rather than a battle man a pole what are you doing call me a moron
i'm sorry three some
she you could go people people people that's okay that i'll take that she she gives a smile
as the like green light of the chamber reflects off of her glasses obscuring her eyes
well you see i am one quite skilled at using information
information is perhaps the deadliest weapon so what would you like to give me
a scholar check read sure why the hell not how do we look at it we're full up
on glory fuck it can I take like three just cuz I don't want to bungle this
yeah probably fine yeah sure yeah you're dead Lauren shush unfortunately
that complicates bastard okay so the it is a success however we'll add in the
complication here so read that will be enough for you to identify that the
types of skills she's highlighting highlighting are very similar to the
vanis clade of assassins otherwise known as info sites who are a special branch
of the officio assassinorum the Imperium's assassins who specialize in
destroying threats and targets sheerly through the use and manipulation of
information now after the complication you've had some dealing with them in the
past the
until you discovered the
I understand that today Mark please repeat the past
but let's start with the last
Dzino's
yeah
disappearing
all of them
a
the right thing i'll look after the child and she kind of like waves to tater tot who looks up at
the three of you being ordered around again same as usual all right amalda that is almost certainly
not your real name but we'll go with it for now i will trust the assassin or i mean this regard
but understand this
not just thanks to your manipulations have we been able to survive this if you attempt to
dispose or double cross us i assure you i shall become the living monument of the omniscience
fury
you
what i'm threatening her i know you're threatening her pie but i i i must remind you
i'm the one who has a more significant issue with her can we can we work together on
intimidating her all right all right what are you i want to like silhouette this conversation
too as the star the literal star god and the demon entity continue their fight in the background the
two of you were like no i want to intimidate this person more no
yeah
also looks behind everyone we can't do anything about that that may as well be happening in the
next room talkus looks behind everybody it just sees the band playing the epic music as they're
looking around going like are they just gonna fucking keep talking like i know i was gonna say
i was gonna say living embodiment what were you gonna say did you say what that's cool thing you
can say say something cool i'm not interested in looking cool it's not about that katherine
zedek will walk up to amalda while the two are bickering
and just grab her by her scarf
betrayed us once i fully expect you to betray us again how did i betray you
you box of cake and sausage instead of guns
if anything i wasn't falls our group if you double cross us and especially
if anything
happens to that boy well i really do hope you're as good at running the numbers as you say
because i couldn't imagine the amount of math you'll have to do to figure out how
horrible i'm going to dispose of you after we're done yes right yeah do you want to do you want
to give me some kind of intimidation check there i would happily give it absolutely everyone steals
my fucking thunder uh you know we're gonna i want to make it though so he doesn't actually
steal your thunder and gets it too i'm gonna wrap i was trying to set this up as reed having the
major beef with them all then both of you just come in like we have major grievance with you
look the fucker man's dead he is a corpse i need somebody else to project my anger onto
it's the people's beef
you
yeah okay go ahead roll your six dice to fucking see what you salvage here
oh okay uh let's see you get a one two three four more so for a six okay okay okay like you've
you've you've made an impression with that
as as for the complication my friend
you
zedek my friend
you you were pretty pretty quick in rushing towards her and grabbing her weren't you
oh god yeah yeah i was okay okay one last time
there is a ripping sound as you do so
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
no i'm spending a wrath
no no
no no
no no
no no
no
no
no
no
a
between
adventures
between
adventures
adventures
はい
hi
ray
hi
ray
has
supported
his
captain
ray
has
ma
master
crafted
stepped
question
or an encounter
this is the power of lemurian hands
everyone's so mean to me dot png
that picture's there i will post it
yeah i bet you would
it's a sticker in the discord sir
i'll i'll i'll make sure the child is is all right
that you return to your ship and if you if you succeed in this
which which i know you you can
you will all be greatly rewarded with all of your wishes
let's go
i do like wishes
gentlemen it's time for us to kill god again
so we're gonna do that
we'll do it again
just another day in the neighborhood i guess
let us have this our friend's dead
oh i guess chakas is back he's pretty cool
yeah
yeah
yeah
hey chakas
hi
why don't you say something
look chakas has had a rough day
oh yeah can you please summarize like the hell chakas had to go through to get
chakas had a rough day
land down land down with the rest of his regiment
and then chakas being the top bitch destroyed all of his enemies all the way here
and then as he come through he saw all of his friends die
and from body parts
all the masses through and all the crosses with fire
pretty much tore through my entire regiment
and now i'm here
with new friends
ah don't worry it happens to everyone
except for the people that die
all right let's go
and so umalda take taking the tart under her cloak backs up to the doorway
and and presses the the the final sequence
of symbols
the strange xeno script
the walkway between the hall and this this jut you're on to separate and you realize you're kind
of on this this free floating piece of black stone that begins to slowly descend and as it
descends you now bear witness to more of the titanic struggle between the immense divine
entities that that rage across the chamber with eldritch green lightning raking across the red
demonic form whose axes begin to cut back and forth and you watch as lightning causes the the
red demon to to fly fly backwards he hurls one of his immense axes into the shoulder of this thing
where it embeds itself and he begins punching with one fist as his other axe wails blows and
more and more and more and more and more and more and more
lightning continues to to to score off of him what are you doing as uh as the elevators
descending i'm not looking at that we can't we can't deal with that i'm not i'm not even i'm not
even gonna recognize what's happening over there because it may as well not be happening it's like
god's fighting god shit dude i can't weigh in on that hey that red guy do you think that he was
part of that squid group what squid what you know the evil
demons that became the squids underwater the red ones i mean technically but don't look like a
member of the bloody auto malleus to you i barely know the green one oh oh you mean the other ah
i don't know anyway look i don't like those guys very much i'd imagine you shouldn't pie
and i'd imagine you really shouldn't especially in my presence yeah i'm glad we can have these moments
i wish we were back fighting the orcs there's things were so much simpler when they were just
stupid and not demons or gods i swear the most absurd and stupid things only happens to
inquisitorial acolytes actual inquisitors just sit around with their thumbs up their asses drinking
tea eating food and getting fat and occasionally blowing up a planet or two but isn't that what
you're working towards yes i don't like doing this zedek but it's so much more thrilling don't
you feel alive killing other things oh
mm-hmm
this is incredibly unpleasant as if on cue to that uh a score of eldritch lightning begins
hurtling towards where you are on the platform the discharge being reflected by the great red
demon's axe um can each of you give me an agility test please sure such things might be possible
yeah i'll give you a three but i gotta kind of
go here okay
oh my license
oh it's an application okay
uh that's a one that's a two successes
two successes
chancus don't long it he's been told
chancus yeah chancus uh chonkus's head just swivels to the side
um okay
okay so you're looking for difficulty three others one is collide okay all sc pete who is the next?
for difficulty three here so it looks like zetic and um zetic and uh pie brain both of you fail
are you happy to fail or would you like to burn some resources like wrath or some glory
i'll wrath it i guess can i get some glory in there too
i'm not very agile my ass is absolutely yeah that's the thing is we uh i i think it's probably
better for you to reroll than me because i only got one success i'd have a lot more
but i need to you got a wrath back by the way bigger oh yeah no i i know but i'm not
gonna raft two dice open for three successes okay uh
speed some glory glory spender gold spins how many do you spend two all right
successes off of that which is enough okay and speaker you're happy with the the fail on this
yeah
not happy but you'll take i'm not thrilled with it be happy so like as as this conversation is
going on and you you because clearly you were talking about this pie um some of the lightning
arcs and smashes into your side uh dealing you three mortal wounds from ritz fits back and uh
because for some reason it just has me fucking internally associated with you
oh
it blames me because i'll cut out richard's
fuck it's because he hasn't washed his hands in weeks i'm just gonna like i don't know put his dirty
greasy palms goodbye
hooray it's fixed all right um so yeah this is green lightning arcs and even smashes up up your
side and then like you continue to hear the hate as the red demon bashes his fist into the face of
this like strange entity um and like yeah you you see this uh and then you see this uh and then you
see this um reeb as this like electricity arcs through uh pie brain and sends him like her
hurtling uh down to the ground momentarily as it like scores his frame
reeb uh back to this again
yeah the motive force is spicy in this part of town
oh
nice holy crap that will that will definitely restore those uh those lost wounds to i i put
pie's power sword on the other side of him and turn it on this this fixes his electrocuted spine
at this point you are probably very used to i'm balancing his chi
and with that the the platform has it has one of those distinct like sounds as it locks into place
at the very base of the chain and then you're like oh my god i'm gonna die
at the very base of the chain and then you're like oh my god i'm gonna die
and so now you're kind of staring up at these two titanic entities battling one one another
and you can see that there is a walkway that leads to the to the middle of the chamber itself
upon which is a pedestal
what's on the pedestal frustum uh the pedestal from from this far away you can't see exactly
what's on top of it um but it's like something jutting out from the center some kind of big
button perhaps
uh that must be a final spot
watch carefully and with that reeb's gonna make an awareness test to look around absolutely
four and a complication okay um so that's enough for you to tell that there is like more of this
lightning that's kind of arcing around unbound in the area so there's some kind of environmental
hazard of that i don't know if that's what you're trying to say i don't know if that's what you're trying to say
that is going on here um the complication that i am going to say is um that as as you are as you are
seeing this um you are one second i'm going to see what good complications we have from the
struck by lightning struck by oh man that would be so appropriate wouldn't it uh no um
okay okay
um you you are like for some reason uh distracted by the smell of your favorite food thanks rx529
for this complication uh as the ways of hunger overtake you and in this strange strange titanic
cataclysmic moment of fate you smell something really good and tasty that kind of makes you
hungry
uh bloody wish i could have some food right now what kind of food do you specifically want
uh he is a fan of tea cakes it's like they're like tea sandwiches usually like cucumber with
butter and salt on them yeah so you're just like you're just like grumble stomach thinking of those
i keep telling you guys you gotta get rid of the weaknesses of the flesh i haven't
tasted anything since i was like six you poisoned us in one of our first goes at this situation pie
and you would have been less poisoned if you had augmented yourself now there's no need to cry over
spilt nutrient paste uh what must we do at this pedestal need to watch our steps as we approach
it there's lightning knocking around better move quickly um is there anything like perhaps like um
utilize as some sort of lightning rod like uh like with some yeah yourself remember besides yeah
you have the power sword i do have that power sword now don't i you did any uh any objects
nearby maybe that i could perhaps use instead of the weapon that i need to kill
no damn um i mean like are it like what kind of object would you like to have appear here
i guess uh i'm thinking like something
maybe like of metal that perhaps i could like just large enough to be able to like um uh mac
diver into some kind of lightning rod to perhaps like draw the incoming electricity away from
people okay okay okay give me give first of all you i'm gonna make you spend a wrath to to
narratively declare that there is a piece of metal around here because again i never let you do
anything fun that is true there there are using that statement eventually thurston no this is the
last episode give me this all right so so then you and then i will i will graciously allow you
to make a tech check uh the difficulty on this is going to be eight uh in order to like properly
find some kind of metallic strip or or pole underneath all of this strange black stony
that is around the chamber um and like fashion it into something you could effectively hold up as a
lightning rod i see fair enough there wouldn't be like a railing or something that i could like cut
off and like uh potentially fuse together okay fair enough let's roll it uh seven successes i
was so close um i will spend our last glory if that's okay um to uh roll one more tonkis will
agree
yeah and so like you you you manage to to break off this sort of jutting um half pillar of black
stone crack it open actually there's probably like some of that the strange like symboled
filigree that you're able to carve out of it with your power sword um similar to what we have in our
background art like right here um like and grab it and like take it out and be able to hold it up
and sort of a high gloss brass metal but still enough to attract it um it does it does require
like both hands to hold it's heavy but you're able to to get that sort of impromptu uh lightning rod
going excellent um i will uh plant it in the ground relatively close to where this lightning
is striking and hopefully uh make this place less dangerous to approach okay yeah yeah so so you kind
of start walking up the up the bridge towards the the central section with the pillar you get about
a quarter of the way up when where the lightning starts to really intensify and then plant this
thing and the arcs of of electricity and strange xenos energy are crackling uh onto the points of
this object this sort of six six jutting points of it um dancing across it but but absorbing them
the remaining three quarters of the way up the bridge towards the central section with the pillar
of the of the path are still somewhat wreathed but most lightning is now arcing away uh as you do this
you you begin to hear something some some loud growling voice from what are you doing what are
you doing down there no i like this fight i don't hate this fight this fight what are you doing down
there bro it is okay keep fighting you're doing a good job no no no and suddenly like the immense
hand of this titanic being lowers itself down towards you like swatting at the bridge
stop that you need to keep fighting as scarbrandt continues to fight the green entity with his one
axe the of the second axe embedded into this thing still and his free hand swatting down at you
that's right leave it to the chaos the climactic fight of our campaign is against literally a hand
right smash brother yes um all right so uh we're kind of in a combat situation now as you were
basically battling against the hand of scarbrandt who would like to go first
i think probably should charge it yeah i agree
tonkis can take the hits
tonkis can take the hits
tonkis can take the hits
out of my way and i am going to take up the sermonizer oh there we go yeah because i imagine
scarbrandt is probably big enough to not be too difficult to hit and so i think the extra damage
would probably come in handy here okay um i will charge okay and i am going to just try to
underneath his uh wrist and maximum
damage absolutely for lemuria you red bastard
all right so that is going to be 10 successes uh you'll be able to shift your two dice
excellent um so i'll be shifting those all right another two successes and i don't think it calced
the fours as successes so that is going to be 22 damage ap4 okay yeah yeah so so you you like
tear into this and you can see that this like horrific entity is like screeching as it is
struck as you tear a gash into into the flesh of this this red demonic
right
um and then the hand will go
um and the hand will attack you uh it will strike at you high brain understandable
okay uh so it will get a seven to hit you that will still hit yeah okay
okay
uh and it will do 13 points of damage ap minus two as one of the fingers like flicks at you
and it complicates and it complicates perfect perfect perfect cool cool cool cool um oh no
this is good people hate me i love it okay um so yeah would you like to determination yeah
i'm gonna go ahead and determination i'll be adding my rank because i'm a skitari uh all right
i'm thirsty you can just run the
out of ammo complication again yeah exactly that's that's that's exactly what i want so
i'm gonna soak five on shock one on wounds as i'm just able to power through this and as this
finger comes down i'm going to shift around the sermonizer um and wait yes you you determine
you determination um after determination i need you to give me an athletics test you got it
uh that's only going to be three successes on that one okay so what he is trying to do is like
as the finger hits you it's trying to basically like flick you away um so the difficulty on this
is five so if you want to spend any resources here yeah i'll spend a wrath on that because um
it is important enough for me to be able to counter-attack here yeah i'm in the game
baby back yeah okay so you you stand your ground it like flicks you and you don't go flying you
hold your ground you're able to raise up the sermonizer and make a secondary attack yeah i'm
going to take it around as this finger comes out i'm going to quickly kind of peel myself to the
side and i'm just going to rake the running chain sword against the underside of the finger through
the palm uh and uh we're going for it baby um let's rock
you
uh that is going to be six successes so no shifts there no shifts uh 14 damage ap4 okay perfect yeah
uh you you tear more into it um and with the uh with that you can see that you have torn off
one of scar brand's five fingers and where where the finger once was the index finger now is a
stump that like bleeds
out warp energy and this is like this terrible warp energy is flying everywhere and the
complication that i'm going to use here is that something something flies out of of that little
warp portal in scar brand's hand it flies and like goes over your form pi brain and lands like
hitting hitting the hitting the the bridge and sliding across towards
reeb and captain's attic and this is from uh lamenter's devastator this complication um
a small fissure opens in this case through scar brand's uh
severed finger depositing the frozen form of a jerkari at your feet you know the one
oh i hate you as as the frozen form of a dead jerkari lands
lands right in front of Reeb and Captain Zedek.
Thurston, I roll a wrath to start kicking it
until it shatters.
If you'd like to spend a narrative declaration
to immediately redispose of this body,
you absolutely can.
Finally!
Hot seminarial!
The world is hers!
It falls out, so you immediately shatters on impact.
Reeb, it's like the return has come!
Reeb spends the wrath, kicks the frozen body down.
No, no, he's like, he's doing, he's stomping.
He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Nice, nice.
Yeah, like cracks and shatters.
All right, I mark your wrath.
Okay, beautiful.
All right, so that was the hands action.
Who would like to go next?
Well, I would rather cauterize that wound of his
before it's gone.
Don't start spewing out any further nastiness.
I won't let you do that.
Thurston, I wish to ask your question.
Okay.
I'll give you a question.
Which would be more prudent,
trying to cauterize Scarbran's wound with fire
or performing a Medicaid check on him?
Both of those are pretty fucking awesome.
I'm okay with whatever you think would be best.
If you're asking like, hey, my Medicaid's way better,
I want to do Medicaid.
Fuck yeah.
Reeb.
Reeb is going to-
But I want you to describe to me
as like the four fingers are like,
now like, hey, stop that,
like against Pi in the epic combat.
How are you Medicaid-ing?
Reeb has a thought for a moment,
looking down at the frozen,
now completely powderized corpse of Hatsum and Ariel.
Yes.
Reeb scoops a whole bunch of the dust into his arms
and is going to,
hurl it at the bleeding chaos wound
to try and cold seal it.
Oh, okay.
So like the corpse that has been shot out,
you're trying to basically use it to stuff the hole?
It's powder now, but yes.
Okay, okay.
It's like silica dust.
Oh, that is jacari powder too.
Oh, fun to play with, not to eat, eh?
That's actually probably warp dust.
Like, yeah.
Give me, fuck it.
Give me a Medicaid test.
Absolutely.
Good.
Mark yourself on the second raft point.
Well, no.
I'll count that as part of the first.
The curb stomping led to this,
so you can keep your ass here.
Yes, he was thinking very tactically.
He was performing as...
He was doing an alchemical thing.
He's like,
put the Drukhari corpse in a mortar and pestle,
ground it up.
It's fine.
No.
She who shall not be named
is going to perform admirably in this situation.
I'm going to add three glory to this,
if that's no problem.
I have no problem.
It is good with chokas.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
That's a lot of fish.
I don't want...
You know what, Thurston?
I'll use my last raft to reroll that.
Okay.
Give me eight more dice.
Okay, here we go.
Slash our 8d6.
Rull.
That's pretty good.
Wow.
That is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 additional successes.
That is 16 successes.
16.
16.
To try and seal...
Skarbran's boo-boo with powderized dark elf chat waifu.
Hot piece.
Zubu.
What does this show become?
Only in Warhams.
Only in fucking Warhams.
Yeah.
Who let him get away with this, Zoran?
I want people that tell others about our show going like,
yeah, man, yeah.
And they were fighting Skarbran,
and he had like a cut in his arm,
and they would have admitted to him
by basically crushing a dark Eldar waifu
and just basically...
Powdered all inside of it.
You know?
And then he would use it as a healing bomb.
He's...
I want to really quickly point something out
before I narrate what happens here.
I want to roll back the clock to Thursday night
when Zoran and I were setting up the scenes for this episode.
And I was like, yeah, okay, and Skarbran's hand.
And he's like, his hand.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're going to fight his hand.
And he's like, I don't get it.
And I'm like, no, no, his hand.
It's going to be really good.
And I'm very glad that we have reached this fucking point.
Yes, the dark Eldar crystalline powderized substance
gets hurled into the gaping wound of the missing index finger of Skarbran,
causing it to immediately begin to seal with vigor.
And as it does so,
what happens is that the stump just disappears,
and the three remaining non-thumbs
all readjust to take over their places,
and the one stump of the index finger is gone,
and the middle finger begins twitching erratically
as though it's taken in some of the damage from that.
Hate, hate what you're doing to my hand!
It's not the first time someone's yelled at me
for using a silica dust packet instead of a cauterization method.
Um, at this point,
Skarbran's second digit will go.
Oh, that's how this is going to go.
What?
Excellent.
What?
The reason, again, I sealed the wound
is just to stop more chaos bullshit from happening from that wound.
And, like, for mechanical purposes, yes,
each one of Skarbran's five digits gets an action.
However, I will say that by doing the warp dust thing,
you have temporarily,
we negated one of the additional actions,
so he's down two actions,
so he's going to take his third action now,
which will be to try with now the, um,
the second, uh, second from the end finger
to try to, uh, to try to...
Get away, Pybrain! Get away!
Um, and we will see how this one goes.
This one is not quite as brutal.
This is a littler poke-poke than the first one.
And we'll actually take a slate penalty.
All right.
Rude!
Rude!
Oh.
Okay.
Um, so...
He does hit me.
Yeah, so nine successes.
I mean, Skarbran's halved weapon skill is still pretty, pretty fun.
Yeah, yeah.
This game.
Um, as, like, the finger lashes out and smacks you in the chest
for 12 points of damage at AP, uh, minus one.
Yes.
As, uh, you're, like, like, again,
there's more of, like, a crunching sound
as this, like, immense digit kind of flicks out towards you.
Indeed.
Uh, that's quite spicy.
And it's going to bring me down to, um,
I think three wounds.
Okay.
You got determination, though.
Oh, wait, you don't have much left.
Yeah, I only have one shock left.
Yeah, that's right.
So, and I'm not going to waste my last one.
All right.
So that was the effective, uh, third digit of, uh,
of Skarbran.
Um, that leaves us with Chonkus and Captain Zedek.
Who would like to go next?
How about it, Zedek?
Okay.
Uh, Captain Zedek will, I suppose, rush up and rebuff Pi
to not let him go.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Let him get smacked to death by the finger of a demon lord.
This is a good plan.
How will you, how will you rebuff him?
By taking him away and throwing him in...
No, I'm kidding.
Ah!
Ravenga!
Uh, no.
Wow, Pi, that is definitely going to leave a mark.
It's kind of ironic.
At least it won't scar...
Brand.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Take your health back.
Yes!
I'm so glad this is the last episode, so I don't have to tell you.
Like...
My pun's been awful, really fucking shitty lately.
All right.
You know, Zedek, you always come in handy.
Ha ha ha ha!
Don't steal my thunder.
I'm sorry, don't hit me.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah, okay.
You know what?
No, I won't use Galil's humor now.
Fuck you.
No!
No!
All right.
All right.
Who also knew that the last episode would be a PvP episode?
Yeah, 2.5.
Oh, it will be.
4.
I need Starbrand now.
Oh, fuck.
It's going to be icons.
Reba's just sitting over there, like, not listening to a goddamn thing Zedek is saying
because he's busy, like, spitting and coughing.
Like, peh, peh, peh.
God, awful.
How many beautiful points of shock do I get back?
All of them?
All of them.
Essentially.
Yeah.
Thank you, my boy.
I fucking thank you.
All right.
Nobody missed another digit goes me like the next digit goes and you hear the voice of
the mechanic.
Red demon.
Starbrand hates shitty jokes.
And he will attack you, Captain Zedek.
Bitch, you can try.
I will sidestep.
If you want to do me a favor and double complicate it.
Oh, yeah, as well this one. Oh, okay. Sorry. I've been managing stuff at the back. So no, you're good. You're good. You're good dog. Oh
My god
Mark me down a rune point. Oh
Sorry, sorry Zedek
Cuz what's your defense with the the sidestep? Oh
Oh, it's plus sidestep. It is six. Yeah. Okay, we're
For context for audio people
Scarbran rolled a three like a bitch. Yeah, he he rolled terribly
He rolled four successes only which was terrible. So yeah, he's doing good
But now he is he has recouped this and will deal 12 points of damage to captain
Zedek and
AP
One now normally this would like cause you to possibly go flying captain Zedek
I'm assuming your athletics isn't too great
The complication that I will probably regret that I will allow here is captain Zedek
Would you like to hold on to the to the finger?
Yes, and basically grapple Scarbran
Absolutely, all right, absolutely
Okay, you you like this finger hits you in the stomach like winding you
Please give me your determination. I guess if you want to
No, don't it'll be funnier
Double fail
But I got a crick for a practical like oh, okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna give you I'm gonna give you an option here as well
You have devotees
Do I still have devotees?
I will allow you to negate the damage from this if you want
want the potato squad to come out of your jacket in one final display taking the brunt of the blow
they would be honored to die for their captain all right so like as as like captain zedek has
has come up uh done his quip stands there the finger goes to flesh captain zedek's like
bustling jacket cloak opens up and the mashed potato squad emerges several ratlings jumping
in the way like we see this the slow-mo shots of each of them flying as the finger like tears
through them like breaking them apart and sending them flying before like stopping just in front of
captain zedek who in a captain kirk-esque maneuver manages to grapple onto the finger
now there's thurston i do have to ask this might prompt another decision uh what finger on scar
brand's hand is this a second from the right like basically the the second from the end yeah
yeah
uh can i make a narrative declaration for it to be the pinky finger well yeah you can absolutely
yes i will allow it he attacked you with the other one but narratively i'll i'll allow you
to get onto the pinky finger as a result of this oh no mr scar brand he almost messed up my
my coat but i can see it's a kind of a peace offering here so i'll i'll take your pinky
promise for exactly what it is scar brand doesn't even say he hates this he just screams in
rage at that um that leaves us with the chonkus
chonkus is gonna charge for him okay and he is winding up a fist and he is punching
scar brand's fist as hard as he can going like all right it's like i may have lost top
bitch in the prison but i'll take top bitch here and then pretty much he'll just go right in sorry
there we go
sorry there we go
wow okay going straight in there just trying to gain scar brand's attention
okay yeah seven successes to hit yeah and so you you smash into it and you could see like one of
the fingers um the second finger is like receding slightly like um but it's still barely holding on
the last finger then like goes in response uh this is the one that now has captain zedek on it
clutching on to
so it's going to take a very massive penalty here uh reducing it uh its effectiveness quite a bit
uh so i'm just going to rule this and we will see what he gets and he's attacking chonkus this time
the pinky finger after chonkus comes at him uh only getting a four and complicating and doing
minimum damage um chonkus i believe your defense is pretty it's what is it two yes yes two so
so he will strike you but will only do uh ten points of damage which i think in your case um i block it all my resilience yeah like like you're like this this this little pinky that has zedek like holding on um just just can't get enough force to even like budge you chonkus as it like smacks into your chest
oh hey chonkus
hi friend
oh yeah you're both like face to face looking at each other as the pinky is like
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
ah
i reach out a fit a close fist to chonkus prompting a fifth a fist bump are you fist bumping on a fist yes tonkus fist bumping scar brand with his attack fist bumps zedek is like you could use a hand
oh chonkus you'll always be the bitch in our book
all right that's the end of the first combat round who would like to go next
in the first combat the second first round of the second combat who would like to go i will just so i can get another counter attack in case i am targeted only once um
tactical choices
um i'm i am going to go ahead and um i am going to try and get my eviscerator up and i'm going again for the wrist and uh i'm slashing
okay
okay
um i will go ahead and i honestly have no faith in me not getting hilariously pummeled so i i'm not gonna make this an all-out attack actually
okay
um so let's roll
that is going to be eight successes
oh my god
and 23 damage shifting three i assume
uh shifting two
okay
so shifting two
two more
so two more
for uh so it's going to be 25 damage ap4
uh you begin just tearing tearing into the wrist as this this immense entity screams out in rage
and you can see that like some of its fingers are recoiling now uh like clearly you've dealt just a
massive amount of damage
of damage to this thing i'll show you what hate looks like you big screaming moron
all right um is anyone interrupting going once going twice to be yeah you're good
okay uh can you mark me down a rune point please okay all right so this time uh scar
brand is going to use a special attack and like clenching into a fist uh zedek you have
the option of letting go as he clenches into a fist or you can attempt to stay on if you want
if he clenches me into a fall if he clenches his hand into a fist it really depends on where i am
on his pinky because i can either end up inside or end up outside i think i think like you could
end up outside if you want to tactical stupidity yes no do a roll of 1d2
heads
do a roll of 1d2 heads
do a roll of 1d2 heads
yeah on two you stay on no always be stupid don't roll
it's up to you what are you doing zedek oh you stay he stays
so you're like you're like holding on for dear life as the fist comes up and like pie brain
you're ready you're ready for the fist to come and like punch at you but instead it it just
smashes down into the bridge like trying to do some kind of like massive reverberating attack
um can i get um chonkis pie brain and reeb uh to give me athletics tests please you might be able
to have that happen i know so i gotta go well chonkis gets a seven a six from pie uh a surprisingly
get a four okay so the difficulty here is five so i'm gonna go with a six and i'm gonna go with a
seven so um reeb would you like to spend some glory or wrath yeah i'll throw two glory at it
but i don't have any wrath to work with okay i would throw one so we could still interrupt all
right
okay success nice um so so like all of you like are suddenly like shaken
now um i require a different uh athletics test for you captain zedek
okay because i need to see if you can hold on the difficulty here is gonna be six
good luck buddy uh i'm almost certainly going to have to uh actually i don't even know if i can
fucking get this let's find out oh dear oh dear i mean if you roll you and i use the last glory
but also re-roll i don't i don't think that's wise i think you should just that's fair
i'll just i have two dice so it's like i don't know i'll just i'll re-roll but
this won't eat the glory okay do it well thanks i don't know if you can actually succeed if you
rolled uh he was gonna re-roll one oh re-roll the entire thing fair enough yeah uh which i will
allow uh all right so captain zedek you go flying off um taking two mortal wounds as ritzvis backhand
suddenly reappears um
at like what?
what?
what?
are you here i'm always willing to work for the right price
for some for the for the audio folks the reason i say ritzvis backhand appears is because that's
how my rolls are coming out in foundry um you go flying back like like basically like landing
onto chonkis as the fist smashes down um and at this point like that was the sort of special uh
rune action uh special rune action and then the the finger
flicks out towards you pybrain and uh we'll see if it can hurt you
little poke poke
full force full poke
uh a little seven to hit you yeah that will hit for 11 ap minus two okay so that is going to be
four damage incoming to me i'm going to try to determination it okay adding my
rank
nice
and i will soak four of it giving me two shock left okay
um i can potentially counter attack
would you allow me to counter attack with a lightning rod
well remember you set the lightning rod oh yeah it's far away yeah never mind in that case i'll
uh counter attack with my uh my weapon perhaps
okay absolutely
we might be we might be real imaginative here
so as this hand's coming down and it's polarized
me a bit i'm rolling with it and i'm gonna try to i'm gonna try to make him regret this i'm gonna
try to cut off another hand another finger another hand yes another i gotta make him
grow a third hand and cut that off too um not a super hot roll i will re-roll it um with the
so that's gonna be one two three four five six seven to re-roll okay
um leading to an additional uh yeah so three um allowing me to shift to i believe yes okay
so let's roll it uh excellent that will be one additional uh one because yeah so that'll be 19
damage ap4
um
yeah so you you continue to just tear tear into wait i'm sorry 20 because it doesn't it doesn't
count before uh in the main calc so it should actually be 20 damage oh okay perfect uh yeah
and you continue to just tear tear in bloodily um as as like you're you're like cutting almost
halfway through his wrist now and just like the the hand sort of recoils back as he
scrunches and you can hear the hammering of more axe blows onto the
the strange alien star god entity which he has now kind of turned his attention back to but the fist
is still sort of hovering above you uh following your counter attack all right uh who would like
to go next uh it's there's a lot to to do here realistically speaking could i get past him
i get the hat like the hand is now raised up like you could run to that dais if you want
yes i'm going to do it on a dance set if that happen if i had to then and also make sure that ac
he maybe lost the tower he never roots on another Portugal contest or any uh he didn't actually win the
world daughter worked for those or the cosmophobe flat so it doesn't matter who he's ни er meals when she decapitated
charles garcia isn't Hispanic they it ones sometimes they knew I thought they weren't supposed to fight
for a зар sure enough there are so many minor reasons but um still talking about the world you can't
to do that because he is busy okay yeah so you like bolt it's a full run action like you run
past him um basically yeah like the equivalent of a run uh but you get to the to the to the
the pillar the sort of plinth that's raised up uh in the central area and you can see that there
are three depressions in it it looks as though some kind of like triarch symbol uh of where
like almost like human hands but like roughly shaped would be placed into
and it looks like we're gonna need two others here
damn uh is there anything else around here that i really need to make note of beyond that
oh you can give me an awareness test of course i can of course i can why why would i give you
anything less yes oh fuck there you go um
um
um
six and a crit six and a crit so get a glory um yeah so you can tell that it looks like the the
way that this pillar is set up is it connects to each of sort of the the obelisk devices around
here uh so sort of gives credence to what amalda has said are you looking for like anything in
particular though as your sort of uh defenses defenses or something stupid that'll happen when
we press this thing uh so yeah you can tell that this thing probably activates those those uh the
obelisks around the edge which would probably start constraining the creature possibly both of
them given their position
so we would want to be pretty far away from those whenever that happens this would actually be all
happening above you oh yeah i'm talking about where we're at because i don't want like ah you
press the switches and like any good necron you fucking die no in this case it looks like this
place has been set up entirely to be
protected from the above fighting stuff
okay well in that case i suppose we're safe for now then and there's really no other issues with
this spot there's no like tricks traps anything stupid like that no no necron like tomb spiders
gonna come out to attack us nada the silent king is here yeah but not not yet that's the real that's
that's the second boss fight way to ruin it hulky crow all right um i am going to uh spend a
second action uh writhing as the hand like as basically scarbrand shakes his wrist and it begins
to knit um mark me down a rune point please uh who would uh who would like to go next i believe we
have a zedek and a chonkus there you go all right so where am i relative to the position at this
point because i've i've been flung across the arena well you were flung into chonkus so you're
basically at the same point as like a chonkus so you're basically at the same point as like a
pie and chonkus right so you were right by where reeb was too you were all generally so you could
like follow up uh and like like basically spend a full run to get up to where reeb is i will do that
okay and like yeah you you rush up just in time to see there's like the three hand hand print markers
on this device well if it's one of us then i might as well help out and captain zedek will slam his
hand down on the device as well
okay um yeah i'm going to continue shaking scarbran's fist angrily uh that brings us to
chonkus what are you doing so the fist is like shaking up in the air um what are what are you
gonna do okay so to help me understand the scenario a little bit better are we just trying
to bat him away so i can press the button or are we waiting for a thing uh well he was blocking the
path to reach the button
with the big hand so the big hand has now been wounded enough that it's now shaking up in the air
and two of them have reached it both reeb and um captain zedek pie brain had spent this round
basically standing and doing enough damage to cause the fist to go up in the air but the fist
is also like repairing itself okay so pie is the only one left right left back yeah chonk is gonna
take pie brain and throw him god you can throw me closer to him
straight to the button go push button and then just tosses him as hard as he can to get close to
his friends okay god god damn it all right first of all this is gonna require two rolls
um and and mark yourself down a wrath point because i see what you're doing here um the
first is going to be an athletics check because pie is literally made of metal
i mean chonk is a big boy like chonk is a big boy that's why i'm allowing you give give me this
athletics test here yeah let's let's see here let's do it yeah let's do it
oh shit um six good enough for you six is good enough if you wanted to fish for more there might
be benefits but it's up to you because after this i'm gonna i'm gonna warn you the next check
you're gonna have to make is a ballistic skill check no he's not i don't know i don't know i don't
know he's not good at those all right uh would you like to keep all your special dice for the
well we can't do athletics because i from when you're warning i succeeded yeah yeah
but now you must aim the pie bullet
you have faith in me right your face and chonkers
that is correct chunk man you and i are the weapon of the omnisire
fire
wow all right that's five five five that's that's a four uh one more success
you got three glory throw it up yeah i tell you yeah i technically have i want to spin three but
someone just gave us one so i'll spin three but keep one so that's three more
emperor oh i got the one more
got the one with the four so pie goes like flying over uh like basically just under the the shaking
wrist of the immense daemon hand um and yeah so so pie you land like kind of like crunch on the
floor um can you give me uh what check do i need you to make um give me a athletics test
difficulty is four you got it
don't make a run me look oh yeah you're looking directly so like you you like land um calling back
to uh the the prison arc you land in your spider bot mode um like not taking any damage from the
fall just like perfectly landing in front of this days and as as you land you can hear from behind
you hey hey hey
as as the immense red daemon is slowly turning towards you our engines are at full power your
destruction is our aim our truth has come online and i'm going to uh begin crawling as soon as i
can okay okay so that's terrific that is the end of the second round come the third round
who would like to go first currently the only one like actively pressing the button is zedek so
who would like to go
tonkus would like to volunteer
oh two tonkus would like to make a narrative declaration oh boy the taunt scarbram to keep
scarbran's attention on chonkus so they can get their button pressing done unhindered
i'm cool with it chonkus looks at scarbron and goes hey
it's like do you think you're the biggest and baddest chonkus is top in this tomb and
then chonkus will start slamming on his armor making a loud noise and just start saying like
saying like you couldn't hurt chonkus before you can't chuck chonkus now and chonkus is
gonna just start encouraging scarbrand to not pay attention to them all right i want you to
give me an intimidate check i want you to intimidate scarbrand
and it's one two three four four okay okay okay um
four is enough to slightly get his attention but it's not it's not gonna be it's not gonna be all
the way um i'm looking i'm looking for a five here and you've got that one glory point so
is that okay with the group yeah fuck it
go buy a roll
and it's a six six yeah
scarbrand's eyes like like narrow blue steel turn towards you
scar brand hates materium false top as the fist like comes smashing towards you chonkus
tonkus will look to the group
and nod as he braces himself chonkus i want you to give me an athletics test
chonkus got a eight with his aesthetic check and he could've and he could've
that is a point so as the fist comes down like you give the nod
and then brace and then you manage to grab the base of the wrist holding it up
holding scar brands hand in place hey hey what are you doing stop that focus
now all right so that X already pressing the button who would read and pi brain
like to go and press the button I can I do it can I go first and medicate pi
back to full health or try to absolutely you can okay I'm gonna do
that I'm gonna heal uh-huh that's a six not great but I'll take it
give me back a wound yes and I will also press a button okay and then pi brain
will you place your hand down hi I look I will raise my hand forward
and
engage the linkage of Messiah our victory comes online smash and as your
hand goes down to smash onto this device let's take a break right here and we'll
come back in just five yeah let's go ahead and we're gonna take ourselves a
little break a Rooney yeah go ahead and get yourself some snacks get ready
yeah get yourself some snacks get yourself a little walk around
we will be back soon let's roll my man my man and we're back hello
greetings friends you're I'm being quiet because every time I've talked after the break the last
few episodes I've got yelled at yeah because you like start early during the transition bit
and then it's like thirsted no one can hear us yet
alright go ahead and you just throw a relaxing
roll幹 oh you're handing it off to me okay good good good good get hi welcome
back okay so pi-brain reciting his SDF canticle smashed down on the on the
five the four good picture.
his plants have seen their fates.
slap in hand.
energy to move out along the three the three markings down the sides of the down down the
sides of the kind of central platform you're on running around all the way down to the utter base
of the pit here and then snaking up along the great obelisks that lie in this chamber which
immediately begin crackling with energy lashing lightning tendrils reaching out and grabbing
uh the various figures that stand in the chamber mostly though centered on the the green enigmatic
xenos entity tethering it in place with scar brown howling triumphantly and smashing his axe
pulling his his remaining axe out with his his fist after shaking off chonkus and chonk is sort
of falling down back onto the bridge the the red demon begins smashing smashing axes in but but as
his axes begin to crackle the red demon begins to crackle the red demon begins to crackle the
red demon begins to crackle the red demon begins to impact suddenly they stop and go through as
though the the tethering effect that is caging this this green entity in place are removing it
partly from our own reality causing the blades to whir through and scarborough howls in utter rage
and hate as he can no longer attack this being and he he wails against the confines as the the
green entity is moved towards the center of the chamber as this is all happening for for the three
of you on the
platform the the platform is now descending to the absolute base of this area and you can feel
yourself just like going down probably a good 50 more feet under these two titanic entities
where suddenly the the platform like links into the ground and as as that happens you can see
there are various like thick tall pillars of black stone here which then all begin to burst
up with green energy that shoot up to continue
so that the platform is now descending to the absolute base of this area and you can feel yourself
skewering this xenos entity capturing it further in place locking it and the energies themselves
forming together to create a cage around this being which scar brand can no longer strike and
scar brand is howling and as you you look up and see this howling entity of scar brand you can see
that he he is slowly dissipating as though he can no longer maintain cohesion in our reality
and he looks down
scar brand hates hates not having fight fight me and like looks down you and he points towards you
pie brain i challenge you fight me
i'm going to look up at him
i would love to unfortunately you're not a worthy foe
and like he like comes flying
towards you
pie brain both axes raised but as you say that it's it's it's like it's like you just you
blew a kiss into an oncoming wall of dust causing it to dissipate and scar brand utterly
dematerializes from reality leaving you entirely alone the entity above caged now by by strands of
energy
bye
hmm
reba's going to clap pie hard on the shoulder
thank you for holding back
character development
was really hard i really wanted to yell
but
you know
i think if i don't walk away from this having learned something
...
Then I will have failed.
Quite.
Well, gentlemen, and I say this again, as I have said effectively since we started this nonsense,
and I suppose I'll say it again before we're finished.
Shall we get a move on?
I think so.
I think so.
For the briefest moment, you catch some kind of, like, ghost-light figure in, like, golden light of an old man standing on the platform,
giving a nod as these three walk off.
Before that, that ghost-light entity disappears as well.
Talk us away. Goodbye, friend.
And so, to the three of you, as you approach,
Chonkus seems to be waving in your direction.
We're not bloody going anywhere. Come on, you.
Can everyone give me an awareness test?
Yes.
Five for complication.
Okay.
Three successes and no complication.
One success and no complication.
All right.
So, you're now walking.
Uh, towards the elevator, and it's, it's you, Reeb, who, you hear something.
A cough, a gasping.
Coming from between two of the pillars on this base floor.
Uh, he's gonna ready his flamer and whip about to see what this fucking coughing is.
And so, the, the complication, the complication, I'm going...
I'm going to have here is that the other three have reached the platform and are now, like, trying to study their way to, to activate the elevator.
And so, you kind of walk off on your own to look down this, this area.
You see what appears to be a, like, section of collapsed rubble.
Like, it looks like some object has fallen here and shattered.
And you, you recognize the equipment, because it's equipment you used.
It appears to be some form of...
Uh, medical equipment, like a stasis device that had fallen all the way down here and then, like, shattered on the floor.
But, located in it, amongst a section of fallen over rock, is a coughing figure.
Who you recognize as being completely pinned down, um, and, and just utterly immobile, bloody, covered, and damaged.
As you see...
Sleherbergo de Fuckaby, trapped under wreckage here.
Coughing, like, one hand barely able to escape out of the wreckage.
I'm supposed to become a god.
Look at him. Look around.
No, you're not...
No, no, no, it's Reeb who's there.
Oh, it's Reeb! My apologies, I thought it was us. My apologies.
No, I appear to have been the only one here.
No, I appear to have been the only one here. No, I appear to have been the only one here.
I'm the only one who succeeded the awareness.
No, you're the only one who succeeded the awareness.
That is correct, nevermind shut up. I'm shutting up.
Oh, you're telling me to shut up?
Yeah, shut up!
Okay, continue.
...I...
I'm not supposed to be a god.
Why won't you bloody die? What is your major malfunction, de Fuckaby?
Is...if you help me...I can make you a king.
I can make you a god, too.
Whatever.
Whatever you want.
Using Medicaid as a knowledge, can I tell that he may or may not be screwed?
You can tell this is, like, fucking critical damage.
Like, just based on the debris, he's not even, like, getting out of here.
It is a medical miracle he survived this fall.
This is, like, absolute tenacity, unwillingness to stop.
Defuckaby, take a look at what you've gotten out of all of this.
You have such incredible, powerful drive.
You have caused so much havoc for us, the Imperium of Man,
and anyone who dared to associate with this crusade,
which just so happened to coincide with...
With your little absurd scheme.
You have all of this capacity for strength, intuition, and intelligence,
and you're sitting here, at the bottom of a well,
half buried in Xenos bricks.
People will remember me.
They will remember the name of Slayer Berko.
Defuckaby...
The twenty-fourth of my...
My...
And he's, like, struggling to get these words out.
Yes, yes, I imagine you'll make an excellent page in a history data slate at some point.
The tale of a man who had every single ounce of power
stripped away from him at the last possible moment because he dared sail too close to the sun.
Well done, man.
Well done.
He's still, like, sputter-coughing, like,
like, he can't even form words now.
Reeb is going to ignore him for a moment and is going to look around in this collapse section.
So you mentioned there was crashed medical equipment, right?
Mm-hmm.
There it was, yes.
Can I take a quick look around to see if there's anything else of note amidst this rubble,
beyond Defuckerby, who is still murdered?
Miraculously alive.
Um, what you can see is that there is a, there is a, like, a tube here
that seems to be a stasis unit
that is slightly glowing with some, like, residual lambent green glow from the inside.
But the glow is now fading.
Uh, Reeb knows this stasis.
Stasis unit, can I pop it?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
You can just walk up it.
He's just going to, like, kick it on the side because he knows fucking ZX technology.
It, like, hisses open and you can see the preserved form of a tech priestess.
Hmm.
Uh, Medicaid going to give me any information on if she survived any of this or if she's just, you know, dead?
You can give me a check.
All right.
Roll for it, I guess.
Here we go.
Yeah.
Ugh, that ain't great.
That's a six.
Six?
Um, six is enough for you to tell that clearly this, this body was, like, this body looks pristine
as though any of the blemishes, anything that had happened to it seemed to have been restored.
If you had to guess, it was like the body was, like, sucked away for some purpose
and then put back and reconstructed and, like...
Like, a perfect reconstruction inside.
Well, if you've been in a stasis this long, I imagine now's an excellent time to come out.
Come on, you.
Reba's going to try and just lean down and just try to hoist her over his shoulder.
Presumably she's still completely out.
Yeah, yeah.
She, like, there doesn't seem to be any awakeness to her, but you can pick up the body.
She's not super augmented.
So, yeah, it doesn't, not, not super heavy here.
Me looking at pie.
Metal eye.
Me looking at fucking pie.
He's like, I'm going to deconstruct the mostly fleshy, fleshy tech priestess.
Hello.
Yeah, of course.
Um, and, and, like, as you, you pick her up and I assume you start heading towards the elevator,
you can, like, you can...
He's going to stop, hear the sputter again.
The, like...
He's not going to leave the area.
He's going to take one last look into Fuckerby.
They'll all remember me.
Yes, yes.
I'm sure we're all going to remember you very well.
I pray that this is the last thing you see.
And I'm going to use this opportunity to grind my heel into his skull.
There is a, a wet crunch sound that pie and Zedekir, just as pie has finished figuring out what button to press to activate the elevator, the Necron up symbol.
Um.
Ha, ha, ha.
And then, then, like, Reeb walks from between, like, some of the pillars he'd went to investigate,
coming with the, the, like, body of this tech priestess slung over his shoulder.
What was that?
Ah, it seems as though we, uh, we managed to come out of this without a total loss.
She managed to survive, all things considered.
Amusing.
It's, it's good.
It's very good.
Actually.
Why did they bring her down here?
Sacrifice.
Ah.
Yeah, so you remember the whole business of sacrificing someone?
Well, obviously he clearly couldn't get this going by sacrificing the tot.
Had to bring someone else along, someone who had been working very hard to keep her alive despite everything.
Hmm.
Well, it is a good thing she is still alive.
Metallica will be most pleased to have their errant tech priestess returned.
Ah, most definitely.
I intend to curry favor with anyone we can after this whole debacle.
Well, at least it's over now.
Have you found the up button yet?
Oh, yeah, it was the one that was pointing up.
Go figure.
Click.
Wow, that's incredibly ergonomic.
Who would have thought they were kind of like us?
I know in the Lemuria it's completely different.
What do you mean it's different?
Okay, okay, so, so the elevator goes up.
This conversation starts.
And then this is the point in the, like, the movie where it, like, does the, the fade transition.
As we, we fade to black.
And we find ourselves back on board debt collector.
A bit, a bit of a fast forward forward.
As our, our intrepid band of surviving chuckle fucks make their way out of the dead world.
Going through.
The, the ruined remains of the Xenos planet.
The weapons now inert.
The, the prison complex reactivated.
Taking their trusty, trusty Arvis lighter back into orbit.
Greeted at the surface by a ragged Belba and the survivors of the rattling platoons that landed.
Traveling up into orbit where a small flotilla of imperial ships has now gathered.
Facing off against Inquisitor Lord Mel.
Melchior's vessel, including now, not just the Marengo, but several other vessels, including vessels from the Adeptus Arbides, the Astra Militarum, and even a few other inquisitorial ships that have arrived.
The entire situation is a bit of a standoff, but it seems to be holding.
Zedek, Reeb, Pybrain, and Trunkus, you make your way on board the Arvis back onto the debt collector.
The rest of the crew will be on board the Arbides.
What a wonderful operation this has all been.
Well, no.
No, you know what?
No, we're not gonna be sad.
Lorne?
Please.
We'll meet him again someday, in some other form, no doubt.
But beyond that, we've done a great thing.
Dethacropy was attempting to be a god and summon a green man, and all of that was very confusing and high-concept, I admit.
But we stopped it.
Just us four and Trunkus.
But this crew did it.
Reeb and Captain Zedek.
I think we have done something really important.
We have done it today.
I would certainly hope so.
We have done what many would never actually accomplish, and certainly that many more would die trying to do.
And though we did not all necessarily make it out, we the best we could, and we won.
I agree with Pi that someday, maybe in the Emperor's golden light, we'll do it again.
I agree with Pi that someday, maybe in the Emperor's golden light, we'll do it again.
I agree with Pi that someday, maybe in the Emperor's golden light, we'll do it again.
and light. We'll see our friend again, and maybe even sooner than that. Who knows? The universe is
a strange and wild place, but hopefully this is the last we have to deal with that. I'm not even
going to bother remembering his name. That would give him some sort of power over us, but let's go
home. Right. Looking forward to having tea by myself, it seems. Again. Reba? Yep. Zedek? Yes? I love
Lenoria. I would certainly be upset if you didn't. Well, I would be upset too, but my real home, I think,
is with you.
I couldn't ask for a better bodyguard, assassin, and friend, Pye. Likewise, could I not ask for a better
advisor, tactician, friend, like you? And accountant. Look, he hasn't got a chance to do that.
He has that under his breath.
And accountant.
Yes, yes.
In spite of everything that has happened, I'm still able to keep up my candor. I've enjoyed my time, much as I bemoaned everything that has befallen me, and will likely continue to befall me as I have no other place to go. So congratulations, Zedek, Pye. We're not breaking up the band quite yet.
I intend to stick around until something comes along that spirits me away for whatever reason.
Reb's going to look out the window.
We're going to look out the window of the Arvis at that, because he knows he knows damn well what he's talking about.
You can see that, and yes, as you look out the the Arvis, there's, like, the reflection in the in the glass, the glass plating of the Arvis seems to seems to show a jovial green figure patting a belly that's off screen with a
read my boy.
Hmm.
Right.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
And that image is replaced by the approaching docking bay
of the debt collector.
Your ship, your home, and Captain Zedek,
can you give me a piloting check to land the service later
and complicate it and murder you all?
You know how funny it would be if I complicated it
and got a one?
If you don't get a single success,
you fly into the engines and you all go,
oh, God, I can't.
There's a lot of ones.
It was almost nothing.
It was almost nothing.
Oh, my God.
That would have been a superb expectation.
That would have been.
Hey, Zoran, will we get in trouble with DMCA
if we elect to try and just play the choir from Gangsta's Paradise?
We would.
We would.
We would marry us.
Yeah.
So as you said,
as you have this heartwarming moment,
Zedek gives you the worst landing
that you've ever experienced.
It's like he can barely keep it together
as he puts the Arvis down with like a thunk
that causes all of you to shake around violently.
But he does manage to actually land the Arvis
on board the vessel.
So close.
Uploading, the servitor says.
Uploading.
It's head turned.
It's head turns to you, Captain Zedek.
Captain Zedek,
I am now uploaded with 35 new maintenance requests
for incidents that must be resolved on this vessel
as dictated by Tech Priestess Gamu4224.
The first instance,
life support problems.
The life support system
could fail in the next five years.
Should be resolved immediately
to preserve flesh-based crew.
Item number two.
The engines are currently
only operating at 93% efficiency.
More efficiency required.
Zedek, I hope you're making note of this
because I'm sure as hell
I'm not going to let you get away with it
now that things are finally under control.
Oh.
We'll cross the bridge when it comes.
No, we're going to cross that bridge
right bloody now, Captain.
Get off this Arvis lighter.
You had best get moving
and you'd best get started.
Reeb is going to beckon
using his own power sword
and force Zedek out of the Arvis lighter.
Fine, fine.
I'll get off the damn Arvis.
Won't fucking fix the ship thing.
Doesn't let us die.
Oh, Captain.
So as you exit the Arvis lighter,
there's a wide,
wide array of crew members
standing here.
Several dozen
from the gangs
of the lower decks
to some of the bridge crew
to the ratlings
who survived the attack on the surface.
Even a few strange bloodbats
who somehow still have survived
on board this ship.
To that one guy who like you broke his leg
and is now standing up in a crewman's uniform
after coming onto the ship
and taking the right turn instead of the left turn.
Uncle, Uncle Hedge-Hedge
holding an impromptu barbecue
inside of the docking bay
and everyone cheers
and like there's a big streamer sign
that says welcome back on it.
And then you could see rushing out
from the crowd towards the three of you
is Tater Tot
like running towards you, Captain Zedek.
It's so good to see you safe.
Everybody here,
you're in one place.
Oh, I'm so glad it's over.
Uncle Ransom's on the bridge.
Oh, he finally came too.
Awesome.
Very good.
Thank you.
You better not bloody say anything to him.
I don't want to continue this
murder nonsense.
Actually, no. Strike that.
Please talk with him about that.
Please stop having people be murdered
in the lower decks, Captain.
I will talk with him about that.
We would really appreciate that,
one of the lower decks.
You've done a lot of murder on this ship.
Yeah, I've come to know
and I'm really actually still mad about that.
We're going to have a talk, Pi.
Oh, you're mad, he says
with the overcharged plasma gun already out.
Oh, it went bad!
And he'll put it back slowly.
All right, let's
let's go see what
Ransom has to say.
Everyone here performed
incredibly admirably.
Really?
I'm sorry, I'm a bit
a bit shook up.
The landing girl.
You're drunk again.
I'm not drunk.
I ran out of alcohol
like three hours ago.
Nevertheless,
you all performed admirably
and I'm very happy
that all of you are
safe and sound.
Well,
most of us.
Tonight,
we will
we will celebrate.
Break out the good,
the good food.
There's only a little bit of food left.
A little.
We'll make it work.
We'll make it work.
It's going to be
it's going to be great.
We're all going to eat like kings.
I promise,
even though I'm back
and he might have fixed the ship.
Things will get better.
But don't expect a raise.
No.
I'm a cheap bitch.
The collective, like,
shoulders slumping
from everyone.
But you will get better food.
You don't bloody pay me.
I get paid.
The rattling shoulders
all go back up.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
And maybe we'll talk
about vacation time
that I should have.
But not right now.
We got to go figure out
what the fuck
we're supposed to do about.
I guess looking back,
is there just still
a firefight going on out there?
There's no like
there's a standoff.
There's no like
ordinance being fired.
We'll have to deal with that.
Later.
You deal with that, Captain.
And Reeb is going to
shift uncomfortably
because he still has
the fucking dead weight
over his shoulders.
I need to see
if I can wake this woman up.
She has been asleep
this entire bloody time
and I believe I'm
I'm finally over this.
Let me know
if there are any developments.
I will accompany you,
the dick,
and then I will go
and say hello
to the tech priestess
and I don't need her leg anymore.
And then I will
begin requisitioning resources
for the
lawn memorial closet.
Good.
Crackle, crackle, vox.
Comes on.
Cap, Captain?
Yes, Ransom.
It's so good to hear you.
You should get up here
with your comrades immediately.
The, um,
the Inquisitor Lord
is back at it again.
Out of the frying pan.
I suppose this can wait.
It's not like she's dying this time.
All right.
Come on.
Let's go.
We'll make our way to the
Reeb's going to spend
the time.
We're going to have a
fire conversation
with like the
the hind end
of a tech priestess.
Yeah.
Performing surgery.
She's next to him.
Like clearly the crew
come and take her
back to the Medicaid wing for you.
It's like,
I've got a bunch of logs
over my shoulder
like a lumberjack
and I'm intimidating
an Inquisitor.
And then you,
you manage to take the,
the now working
horizontal escalators
through,
through the bowels
of the ship,
directly taking you
towards the strategium
where Ransom
immediately,
eventually,
evacuates
the command throne
and like ushers
you into it,
Zedek.
Cap, Captain,
um,
several new vessels
have arrived,
including Lady
Katja Van Nord
and the Magnum
or Victorium.
Um,
but,
uh,
the Inquisitor Lord
seems to,
um,
not be happy.
Not happy at all.
Well, yeah,
he wouldn't be happy.
We tried to fucking
kill him.
To be fair,
he's kind of a dickhead.
Anyway,
I don't know.
Yeah,
it wasn't a big deal.
What of the,
yeah,
what of the,
the Magnum or Victorium
and
the Marenko?
Well,
the Marenko's
holding position,
uh,
it seems that
interrogator Landon
is still
in nominal command
of the vessel.
Uh,
they're,
they're still
blocking the path
of Melchior's
vessel.
However,
um,
well,
the,
the Marenko's
not quite
at the exact location
yet it's making
its way in.
Once it's here,
Melchior shouldn't
be able to cause
any problems.
Uh,
the,
the Victorium's
a much more powerful
ship.
Well,
how long do you think
we have until
it arrives?
Oh,
perhaps an hour,
maybe two.
Oh,
we've got to play
for time then,
I guess.
Well,
what do we think?
Should we,
should we try and-
Oh,
and,
before,
I suppose,
Ransom walks off,
he'll,
Zedek will pull
Ransom back in
and just hug him
very tightly.
Captain,
not in front
of the crew.
Thank you.
And he'll just,
he'll lean in
and just
whisper,
I know
what he did,
don't fucking
do it again.
Everyone else
is like,
oh,
how heartwarming
in his face.
He's like,
oh,
don't fucking
do that shit
again.
I don't care
if you're like us
dead to me.
No,
you're not doing
that again
and out of my
ship.
Not even the
ratlings?
No,
not until there's
no more population
issue.
Okay,
I can wait.
How heartwarming.
Captain,
there's a
Fox transmission.
It's,
it's the
Inquisitor Lord.
Open comms.
Let's go.
Stand up
next to Zedek
for this because
this cast
crackles into being
as the form
of the wizened
Lord Inquisitor
Melchior
appears.
Hello again,
Lord Inquisitor.
This cannot
be allowed.
I,
I'm going to
bomb them,
bomb the planet.
I've loaded
a whole new set of
cyclonic torpedoes.
Well,
I mean,
you would be
bombing nothing.
We,
we stopped it.
In fact,
even bombing it
would probably
unleash the nasty
space god that's
down there,
make things worse.
Exterminatus,
get your ships
out of the way.
I'm bombing
this planet.
I'm going to
destroy it.
I,
I,
I defuck
and be,
put me in
retirement home
before my time.
I'll have my
vengeance.
Zenos,
filthy Zenos,
take all of it.
I can't risk
it getting out,
affecting the
Imperium.
We,
we,
we took
care of it.
Move your
vessels aside.
Look,
old,
old man
wheelchair,
we already
took care of it.
We've locked
the planet up.
It's snug as a
bug in a rug.
What did you
say to me?
Zedek.
We fixed
the problem.
If,
if,
if you don't
move your ships
out of the way,
you will be struck.
And he seems to
turn to make
some orders off
screen.
Inquisitor Lord,
might I
please speak
before we do
this?
Crackles
a bit.
Martian,
what do
you want?
I'm from
Lemuria,
actually.
Are you
well,
actually,
Inquisitor
Lord?
Well,
actually,
I'm from
Detroit.
As you
no doubt
are aware,
hmm,
uh,
the
Vizio assassin
norm agents
may not be
deployed
save for a
vote from
the High Lords
of Terra
itself.
What are you,
what,
what are you
talking about,
Vizio assassin
norm?
I have no
assassin agents
here.
You don't.
But there
were some
present,
and we
have a
lot of
them.
So,
I'm
going to
try to
get a
little
bit of
time
for this.
Do you
want to
give me
any kind
of
check here,
Pi,
like,
like an
intimidate?
I could
try and
intimidate.
I would
probably,
if anything,
go with
him.
Okay, so
that glory
doesn't disappear.
Um,
like he's
like you've
flustered him
like the
the information
like,
why are you
bringing up
assassins?
I have no
assassins here.
Reeves going
to come in
to try and
help if he
can.
Yeah,
absolutely.
Lord Inquisitor.
Listen to
me.
I may
be an
acolyte,
but we
have secured
the situation
down there.
This situation
is under
control.
Every lock
and key
that could
possibly be
combined has
done down
there.
There is no
danger down
there.
In fact,
the only
thing you
will succeed
in doing
by throwing
your cyclonic
torpedoes
like a
bloody
football
through
the wall
is to
throw
your
cyclonic
torpedoes
into
the
wall.
That's
the only
way you
can
do that.
You
can't
do that.
You
can't
do that.
You
can't
do that.
You
can't
do
that.
You
can't
do that.
You
can't
do that.
You
can't
do that.
You
can't
do
that.
I
can't
do that.
I
cannot
be
the
leader
of
France.
I
cannot
be
an
allegiance
of
the
United
States.
I
can't
And you see one of the Sensorium Auspex operators turn.
Captain, I'm detecting a power surge from inside the vessel.
Train cannons on that source of power and get ready to fire.
Captain, it's...
And as you're watching, you see Melchior suddenly turns
and the lithocast fades out.
And as that happens, you can see around the vessel,
Melchior's, like, utterly dark black Inquisitorial vessel,
lines of, like, red flame seem to be going or, like, spidering the vessel
before a section of it bursts into flame
and then another section bursts into flame.
And within just maybe a few moments,
Lord Inquisitor...
Lord Inquisitor, Melchior's vessel completely explodes.
Ah!
What the hell was that?
Mmm, the good old Vannis Temple.
Well, it looks like there was a detonation from within their weapons stores.
Blasted old fool, why couldn't he see reason?
What a waste.
What a rotten way to die.
Well...
But he deserved it.
In some ways, it's good.
There's another...
There's another communication coming in.
Um...
It's...
It's from the Marengo, sir.
Open it up.
Another hololithic visage appears
as the stark form of Interrogator Landon reappears.
Hello?
Hello?
Hey, Landon.
I trust you've seen what has occurred?
Yes.
It is done.
This affair is done.
Harlan's will is done.
Well.
I suppose there's not much more to it at this point
other than for me to give a debriefing tour on what happened.
Yes.
By the end of the day, you will be coming here,
and we will be going back to meet the Inquisitor together.
You, me, and the InfoSight.
Of course, Imelda's coming along.
Yes.
She is one of the Inquisitor's operatives in this sphere.
How is she now?
I apologize, I could not tell you.
Of course she would have encyclopedic knowledge of all my goings-on and all the...
I'm going to have some words for Harlan.
When I get back, I've had it up to here with this nonsense.
Well, perhaps, but my understanding is that when you meet with Harlan,
you shall be doing so in my role, as you will be taking over as interrogator.
What?
What's the matter, Landon?
Retiring?
No.
I am...
I have been given a commission.
It appears now there might be some openings in the Inquisition in this sector.
Hm.
I can think of no one better to be my replacement than you, Reap.
Well, Landon, it is greatly appreciated, finally enjoying that notion.
Before we depart, I would encourage you to come over for tea.
Bring Imelda over as well.
I could use the company.
I am afraid not.
I have received word from the Magnamorum Victorium.
Once they arrive, you are to travel there for a...
...immediate debrief with...
...Catcher Van Nord.
I trust my compatriots are coming along with this as well?
Yes, all of your group, apparently.
Once that is done, you will come to our vessel.
Then we will depart this system.
I look forward to seeing you, friend.
The Hall with cuts out.
Well, likewise, Landon, I suppose.
Oh, well.
Tea on suspense, I guess.
I suppose that means that you will be...
...leaving the debt collector.
Eh, for a time.
I have the distinct feeling we're going to cross paths again regardless.
After all, I...
I would like to point out that you all have an immense propensity for getting yourselves into various...
...not only heretical, potentially Xenos-related heretical incidents.
It would only be natural that I come back here to keep an eye on things.
I'll be sure to raise that to you.
I'll be sure to raise that to her when we have our discussion.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Sad as it will be.
I imagine there'll be a lot of explaining to do in regards to bringing the fucker back alive, but...
...I think in this instance, him being...
I think he'll...
I think they'll understand.
A man took over an entire planet.
I think it's fair to call him a security risk.
Yes, indeed.
And Reeb's just gently wiping the heel of his boot off against, like, the edge of a nearby surface.
Acceptable losses, as it were.
Time passes.
The Magnamorum Victorium arrives.
Other vessels begin to move out.
Departures occur.
Our dear friend Chonkis is one of the first to depart.
Returning back to the Arbides to travel back into service of the Imperium.
Each of you have a brief moment to speak with him before he departs.
Chonkis.
At the same time.
That's when we leave.
Friends.
Turns around.
Chonkass.
Chonkass.
Chonkass.
I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that. We can keep that.
Uh, go on.
How is life in the Imperial Guard?
Oh, uh, Trunkus isn't with the Imperial Guard.
What is your job?
Trunkus is head...
Fuck it, we're both at the cop people again.
Arpides.
Arpides. What's the head, Arbite guy?
Judge.
The head Supreme Judge.
Yeah, Trunkus is a judge now.
You're the head judge?
Yes.
Trunkus disses out justice
and fairness where he goes.
Trunkus is the raw.
I believe.
Trunkus is the raw.
You know, Trunkus,
we have not known each other long,
but your great strength
and strangely high intelligence for an old grin
have seen us victorious in two very deadly situations.
I have no doubt we will meet again
and probably crack some skulls
and show some who's its what's what.
Oh, that sounds wonderful.
Trunkus,
Trunkus,
would love to bump heads with you.
Me too.
And I will put a hand on his enormous,
huge, muscular shoulder.
Trunkus will headbutt pie.
Yeah, headbutt.
Just crashing metal
and like splitting skulls.
Kill him.
Trunkus is bleeding.
There's oil coming out.
Trunkus is taken onto the shuttle
in the stretcher.
We,
we cut a bit later on Pybrain waking up
from the impact himself having been knocked out.
He's clearly.
Ten years.
Everyone's moved on.
You're,
you're like,
you're,
you're,
the,
the Arvis has now moved on to the Magnum Orum Victorious
where you are,
where you are woken up by,
by Reeb and Captain Zedek
who have kind of slapped you enough
to get you back into consciousness
as you have boarded Kachavan Nord's vessel.
Yeah,
yeah,
I don't think that was real.
Hey, where are we?
We're here.
Okay.
Slept the entire way through.
Yes.
Trunkus's head is made of powerful material.
Unfortunately, his flesh is weak,
which is a tactical disadvantage.
Get over it.
I am trying.
As you exit the,
the Arvis onto Kach's vessel,
a line of stormtroopers comes to attention,
each holding hell guns.
And they,
they form a procession along almost the entirety
of the ship towards Kachavan Nord's meeting platform.
Wow.
We're getting the royal treatment.
Or we might be about to be executed.
No, when I'm getting bloody executed,
Pye, that'd be a waste of time.
I agree.
I mean,
you thought it fit to blow up an entire planet
even after we saved the day.
So never counted out.
He did.
He's dead.
Along with the entirety of his ship.
We're fine.
Stop worrying.
You carry on walking the entirety of the vessel,
coming to the immense rectangular raised area
that you've climbed many times before.
You walk up the outer edge stairs,
eventually reaching the top.
You'd expect to see Kachavan Nord,
but instead, there is nothing.
And you come onto an empty planet.
I don't like this.
Assassination theory is back in business.
Shh.
And in a moment of crackling light,
the hololithic projection emerges into being.
in the center of the floor,
creating the holographic form of Katja Van Noord,
who, with her mechadendrites waving,
Ha! Greetings! You have come!
That we have, we can see that you have not.
I apologize. I am currently on board
one of the vessels of the Holy Primarchs
that are making their way through this system.
They wish they could have attended here, but they could not.
So I am here to meet in your stead.
Though, I say I am confused.
There are only three of you here, and I expected to see four.
Yes. Unfortunately, we lost Lorne during the altercation on the surface.
She instinctively...
She uses her mechadendrites to clutch the diamond at her neck.
Lorne.
Oh.
A true hero to the Imperium.
He always was.
But I have received reports, many reports,
that indicate that you have defeated a grave threat to the Imperium.
You have done great work for the Crusade, Fimbria.
It was not only...
It was not only for the Primarchs to transition through,
but it seems you dealt with many problems here
that would have required their attention.
It seems you have also dealt with this Xenos threat
which will now be investigated,
and hopefully a way of disposing of it discovered
that will not unleash this nightmare terror upon us.
Yes. I would encourage you to get a Xenos inquisitor
who is not so keen to audibly bombard something he doesn't understand.
Yes. We are going to create a cordon
to prevent any from attempting to attack the planet.
This place must be preserved and properly studied
so that we do not risk this thing getting out.
Or another would-be slaburgo da fuckaby
to appear and attempt to tame its power for themselves.
But that...
That is a struggle for others.
Not for you.
You have done well,
and have served the Crusade honorably,
and, in the future,
shall be considered again for Crusade service
should the time be needed.
But for now...
Per the Primarch's orders,
your obligations to the Crusade are now at an end.
We are being fired?
No.
Each of you is being allocated.
I believe, from what I have heard,
Reeb, you are to take up the position of interrogator for an inquisitor.
A promotion of great magnitude,
which will take you away from our efforts.
And perhaps you will be involved in whatever is happening with the Inquisition.
I don't quite know if it is still around or not,
but things are very in motion with that organization.
They could use your steady head.
Well,
if anything is considered around here,
we're down one...
gung-ho inquisitor.
I suppose it would be best to have someone replace him in that regard.
Yes.
And, well,
I have on board my vessel
someone who is to meet with you, Highbrain.
From your own Forge world,
Acolyte Ro Hector has arrived.
Oh...
It appears you are being recalled to your Forge world for upgrades.
Oh...
I...
Yes!
Yes, this is very good!
You see, I keep telling everyone how great Lemuria is,
and have I been a big hero and good tech-priesting?
It appears that you are, indeed,
to return to Lemuria for formal training.
As a full-fledged priest of the cult Mechanicus.
You know, I was wondering when I was going to get that.
I had to do everything on my own.
This is most auspicious, and thank you for telling me this!
I'm very excited!
Ah! Ah! Ah!
Okay, now Zedek's turn.
I don't think there's anything left to really give me.
Where...
Where do you need me to go next?
Captain Zedek, you are...
You are a rogue trader.
You have served your contract to this crusade to the utmost of your abilities.
However, following certain financial discrepancies that were noticed...
It appears...
It appears that several terrible acts, including...
Including...
Lack of vacation days...
Lack of payment in some cases...
And...
Well, various...
Untenable maintenance situations...
And various untenable situations in the Lower Decks...
Require new management.
So...
I hope you will...
Not...
I feel like she pauses as though thinking of the way to say this.
That you will not...
Be upset with the decision that has been reached regarding your warrant of trade.
But...
We hope it will not be...
Too much of an inconvenience...
For you...
To take...
Ownership...
Of these terrible actions...
That have taken place on board the Marengo.
Prefect of Malta was very clear in all of the details...
Of what sorts of terrible things were occurring on board that vessel...
And...
Well, we saw the exemplary record of your vessel...
And it was the crusade's decision that you be upgraded to a fleet master.
And that...
You take...
Take ownership of that vessel.
Absolutely.
In addition to your own fleet, of course.
Given, again, the exemplary record of the debt collector based on these documents.
But of course...
What captain would I be if I did not take ownership for the shortcomings of...
Another ship under my management?
Surely...
This will not happen again.
Yes.
I believe...
That...
Mistress Lecoq has already vacated the vessel...
With some sort of arguments...
Taking one of her other vessels...
I believe there was a vow of vengeance involved...
But truly no vengeance is needed...
As this is simply a matter of due diligence.
She was not up to the task of maintaining a vessel.
Well, clearly you are.
Of course.
And I...
So...
I am so gracious...
To see that you recognize...
To see that you recognize that.
Thank you.
While this is happening, Reeb quietly turns away from the rest of them and is just kind of like...
Thumbing through his own data slate.
Just clicking a checkbox next to everything and hitting a trash can next to it.
Delete, delete, delete!
That's no good.
That contradicts this.
Now...
There is still one final...
Item.
It is with great...
Honor...
Great...
Ceremony...
That I bestow upon...
Each of you...
Three here...
Two hundred...
And fifty...
Thousand...
Points.
And like, as she says this, the like, screen...
Pops up with the point tallies...
The point tallies bumping all of you up to the top of the points brackets.
Your team reaching the top.
Yes!
You see me now, Lorne?
Do you see me?
Ah, yes.
Lorne...
The Psyker.
The one...
The abominant...
Mutant...
Of our society.
Necessary...
But loathed.
And yet he did his service...
For his Emperor and his Imperium.
And to Lorne...
To Lorne...
We grant...
The boon...
Of a million points.
And Lorne's name just like goes to the top of the list right above Pi.
Ding!
Salute...
The flag...
Of Lorne!
Like a camera would just have like a background shot at some point.
There's like the golden ghostly thing of Lorne somewhere in a corner going like...
Yes!
Yes!
You fucking...
Yeah!
Fuck yeah!
So fucking...
You fucking...
Yeah!
You can eat my dick!
Yeah.
It's like Metal Gear Solid 3 where like you can take the camera and the scenes and you
can see like the ghosts nearby.
I see you, Sorrow!
Yeah.
So he's hanging out like the Sorrow like...
Fuck it!
Fuck it!
Yeah!
Fuck!
And like with the spectral voice of Lorne...
Yeah.
We fade to black and then cut...
Cut to the...
The hangar of the debt collector with two shovels.
No longer harvest lighters but proper well-armed Imperial gunships.
One bound for an Adeptus Mechanicus vessel that has entered system to bring Pi-Brain
back home to Lemuria and one bound to another more mysterious vessel for Reeb Van Horn.
And inside this lonely hangar now is simply our three remaining intrepid band of chuckle thucks
and one small child.
Tater Tot standing at Captain Zedek's side as the three say their goodbyes.
It has been a very long and arduous road.
But...
I have come to...
I have come to know no finer gentleman than you.
And though we may be diverging our paths for now...
It is my hope that fate will see us reunited yet again in new time.
And especially after both a well-deserved rest and well-deserved motion.
I will be keeping tabs on all of you like you've been keeping tabs on me.
And know that you are always with me on my ship.
Plus I need you back because I can't run this shit show without you, bud.
You've also got to come back for me.
I'll miss you too much.
Sure thing, child.
Sure thing.
Captain, I feel you shall have a hard time keeping tabs on me.
You will find keeping tabs on the Inquisition is harder than it looks.
Look, it's the thought that counts.
Just take the fucking compliment.
Oh, bloody fine, I will.
Thank you.
It's been fun, Captain.
No, I think I'm going to stop lying, Captain.
This was not fun.
Hanging with you all, however, as it were, was quite fun.
I agree.
Hey, Riempa.
Yes, Pai?
Back in the underwater fake Lemuria?
You know, we had a bit of an encounter.
And, you know, you said that you were not my friend.
And I'm sure you meant it.
But I wanted you to know that you are still my friend.
And I hope you consider me the same.
I'll tell you what, Pai.
As soon as the burn scar heals, I'll consider it.
Riempa's going to smile at that indicating.
He kind of means that.
Yeah, boy!
And I'm going to give him a big old hug.
That's very good.
I'm sorry I get excited.
It is my excitement.
Cogitator is right next to my murder.
Cogit, they get crossed.
But this is good.
Yes.
Thank you.
Yes.
Quiet.
Stop.
I need that arm.
Okay.
All right.
I'll release him from the hydraulic hug.
I'm going to turn to Little Tater Tot.
Little Tater Tot.
I knew that I had promised to teach you the ways of the Adeptus Mechanicus.
And I indeed will.
One day.
I'm sure.
If you wish it.
But Captain Zedek is the greatest man I have ever known.
And he is a great hero and leader.
And even when he fucks up and, like, is a loser, it's still really cool.
Because he always learns from his mistakes.
And...
I do not think I would have ever become a tech priest for realsies if it was not for him.
So there is no one I can think of that would be able to raise you.
And on top of that, he is very rich.
So that's cool, too.
All right.
I hope you come back, though.
I will.
I promise, tiny man.
Some day soon, you will have metal arms and legs.
And such.
It will be very cool.
All right.
Captain.
As a suggestion, if we are parting for the last time.
And I encourage you to take this to heart.
Because of all the things that I have seen and all the appalling things aboard your vessel in terms of upkeep and fair wages.
And other things that I, you know, was keeping track of but elected to spare the moment from instead of telling Cathy Van Nord about how much of a shitshow it was aboard here.
Of all the things that have been difficult aboard this vessel.
Please hire a better tailor.
For the Emperor's sake, man.
It's kind of embarrassing.
They were heirloom pants.
But you know what?
You must have more.
You know what?
Sometimes we need to let things go.
The past is where we keep what might have been.
It's time to get better pants.
Yes.
Please.
Captain Zedek?
Yes, Pye?
You are my captain?
And we will meet again very soon.
In fact, I'm not supposed to give you this.
But I'm going to rustle into my coat and pull out a small slate that has the coordinates of Forgeworld Lemuria on it.
I am technically not allowed or supposed to give this out.
On account of all of the reasons.
Because, you know, like, that way, it didn't really come up.
But, like, Lemuria makes, uh, can we look over there real quick?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Can we?
Oh, I get it.
We make bad shit to cover our ass.
Oh.
Yeah.
So, like, don't tell anyone.
Tell anyone what?
That's the ticket!
Okay.
Wait.
I'm, I'm honored that you think of me like that, Pye.
And I suppose you'll be happy now, right?
Uh-huh.
I mean, I don't want to handle that.
Uh-huh.
I suppose you, if anybody else, deserves a parting trinket for me, too.
And Zedek will reach into his coat and ruffle around.
He's had a couple things tucked away.
On his left breast, he reaches and unpins a medal given to him long ago,
back essentially when he first took service of the ship after, well, things happened and he got the warrant.
And he'll place it in Pi's hand.
I have had this as long as I have had this ship, which in relative terms is not very long,
but it was the first accolade I ever received.
Period.
Think of me when you're becoming a tech priest.
And hopefully the next time we meet up, you'll already be on your way to making a fine Magos Dominus.
I know.
I'm going to have, like, six arms, and I'm going to be, like, ten feet tall,
and, like, I'll give you all of, like, the cool refuse and, like, contraband,
and you can sell it, and we'll make a lot of money.
Yes, yes, I am not hearing any of this.
I mean, do normal things for normal people.
Boarding time is commencing.
Yes, yes, come along.
And bring the, bring the, come on, bring her along, too.
I'm not leaving her aboard this death trap.
Yeah, so, so, of course, the, like, the stasis unit is hauled onto your shuttle, Reeb,
and then you can see Ro-Hecta waving from the back of the shuttle towards you, Pybrain,
as the two shuttles are getting ready to take off.
Thurston, real quick, just one final thing from Reeb,
because he would never say so in public, and it's very small.
On Zedix, I suppose aboard his, in his room,
on top of the, like, one of his chest of drawers,
there will be one teacup there,
and next to wherever Py ends up sitting aboard his shuttle,
he will also find a teacup there.
One of his collection, of course.
Brilliant.
And, of course, what we see and how this comes to an end
is the two of you enter your respective shuttles.
Pybrain, you sit down to see the teacup.
Reeb, you come down to see the teacup.
You see the stasis unit placed in front of you,
and for the first time, the figure inside seems to turn,
her head inside the unit turning slightly,
and then eyes opening to look at you as though for the first time.
Tater Tot and...
Scary.
Yeah, Tater Tot and Captain Zedix stand as the shuttles begin to lift off
and take off to parts unknown,
and Tater Tot...
Tater Tot begins to wave happily at both of the shuttles,
and, of course, between the two shuttles,
one final time as Tater Tot waves,
sees the Aurum specter of an old man with a staff standing between
and walking out with the shuttles into the great beyond,
and Tater Tot waves,
and with that, we fade to black.
And that's it.
Hell yeah!
We did it!
Congratulations, everyone.
We got to episode 30.
Holy crap, we did it.
You freaking did it, thanks to all the people.
Holy butts.
Oh my god, I can't believe it.
I know.
This was made by Skeleby?
So thank you, Skeleby, for the fantastic art.
Fucking awesome art.
And everything else.
So, you know, we're going to have a special thing here in a bit
after we do our final blurbs and stuff like that here.
Seriously, don't go anywhere.
Yeah, like, seriously, don't.
You want to see our last little thing and stuff like that?
No, leave.
Don't turn that dial now.
Yeah, so first off, thank you so much, Speaker, for playing Pybrite.
Thank you so much.
Where can they find you?
My pleasure.
You guys can find me on Twitter.
I have an ad as well.
I'll tell you it once I stop tearing up.
You can find me at SuperSnakeKick.
You can find me at YouTube at SpeakerD.
Of course, there's no videos there, but there will be hopefully sometime soon.
And you can find what myself and Erndel and Alphabusa are working on,
on Alphabusa's channel.
And you can find me on Twitter.
And constant updates on our newest series, which I think I've never named in this yet,
but I'm more than happy to name it.
It's called Hunter the Parenting, with quite a few familiar faces, you might recall.
So please check that out on Patreon if you'd like to see that.
And I just want to let everyone here and everyone in the audience know that I love you very much.
And thank you for going on this journey with us.
And Erndel, thank you so much for playing in Brie Van Horn.
Thank you for having me.
You can find me in hell!
No, you can find me on Twitter at Erndelio.
I do much the same thing a speaker does there.
I just shit around, occasionally post about work as necessary.
Obviously, we aren't posting much, just because we don't have, well, anything.
Going on at the moment.
But we're working on stuff.
It's not quite all there yet.
And for updates, of course, just keep an eye out on Alpha's Patreon.
Seriously, that's the best place for it.
And I do want to send a special thanks to all the artists.
Like, all of them.
Talking Garrett, Skelly, Magnifico.
Everyone, really.
Jamie, too.
Seriously, anyone.
Even the fucking dorks in the fan art section who plague me with Hatsumen Ariel nonsense.
Which, by the way, fun fact.
I play up my hatred of it because I actually like seeing it get fucking wrecked.
Wrecked.
Because artists make this whole process.
It makes it good.
This is like, it is half.
It is half the whole fucking thing.
Because do you have any idea how irritating theater of their mind is?
Do you have any idea?
Do you?
It's very important.
And everyone is so extraordinarily skillful at it.
And I really wanted to say that.
Because I genuinely think the marrying of what everything that Zoran and Thurston does.
As well as everything that all of our artists do.
Both fan and, you know, professionally hired artists is of the highest quality.
Sincerely.
And I mean that.
And I've been at this a while.
So don't you take, don't you take my words as bullshit.
I'm not bullshitting.
You want me to bullshit?
I'll go to the toilet.
I'll show you bullshit.
That ain't bullshit.
You're all important.
And you're all incredible.
Thank you.
And Hulky, thank you so much for playing Captain Zedek, our resident rogue trader.
Where can they find you?
Well, they can find me at, well, on Twitter at Hulky Crow.
Posting funny memes there.
But most often, at least for right now, you can find me on the Warhams community discord.
Again, we should have a link popping up there sometime.
Just join my discord.
There's a link in there.
Yeah.
We'll get you taken care of.
You need directions to it.
But just pailing around, making funny jokes, hanging out with all of you.
Again, echoing the same sentiments.
This has made so much more fulfilling, enjoyable.
Every possible positive word and law that I could give to the show.
It's all because of you guys, too.
We have.
We have.
I have come so far as well.
I'd never expect it to be at this point either.
But.
It's because of all of you who've come out in support of us, who've just had fun week after week, watching our shenanigans and fuckery, chuckle fuckery, as it were.
And we couldn't have done it.
And I certainly couldn't have done it without all of you.
Again, super special shout out to all the artists.
Skelly.
Magni, Jamie, Revy, Dance War.
I know I'm missing some other people here.
Buzz, of course.
Buzz, our resident musician, too.
You are all phenomenal.
If I did miss you, I'm very sorry, but all of you are just absolutely incredible.
You make you make my heart sing and everybody else here in chat or listening in discord or wherever you might be, know that I appreciate every single one of you and I hope that you keep sticking around to see what kind of shit you make.
I appreciate every single one of you and I hope that you keep sticking around to see what kind of shenanigans we got up to next, because, God, I want you to be there with us.
And of course, I don't want to drag this out any further, but much love to all of you guys.
I couldn't ask for a better group of friends to do this with.
And thank you, Thurston, for being our game master through this.
Where can they find you?
I'm not going to cry.
I'm not going to cry.
I'm not going to cry.
You can you can find me at all.
You can you can find me at all.
You can you can find me at all.
You can you can find me at all.
The things that I'm called GM, I've started streaming because part of this has actually been just kind of finding a community here and people I like hanging out with.
And so I've been hanging out with some of you out there on my stream, which is, you know, I don't call GM surprise, surprise.
And yeah, like just we're we're not going anywhere like we're taking a bit of break to not break break.
We're not doing shows.
This slot for a bit as we prep for our new campaign and we look to bring all of you more content.
I know I'm busting my ass off.
A lot of people are busting their asses off for us to keep this going.
And while the the 40K story ends here, this is not the end of Warhams.
This is not the end of, you know, hopefully bringing all of you a lot of joy.
And I mean, I can't I can't just echo enough what my fellow castmates.
Said here, just with regards to the the artists, the fans, the people who can just DM me, private message me, tweet me and all of us, honestly.
But just the the rush of support has has been immense.
And it's just you make this so worth it to do.
If you know, I run games for chuckle fuck friends all the time.
But this is the band of chuckle fucks.
And the fact that you come here.
Listen to us and get enjoyment and through all of that, still support us is unbelievable.
And you're all just fantastic people.
And whilst again, this might be coming to its close, we are by no means done.
And I look forward to all the other stories that we're going to tell and all the other things that we are going to do together as the big Warhams family that we are.
And for for people who.
Haven't looked up on what we are doing in the future, Ian Thurston are making a custom setting that we can kind of nearly use anywhere that is applicable.
So if you guys are interested, you can go to our patron or patron patron dot com for slash Warhams and you can go and view rock grind.
Our grind is going to be the new setting that we do to have all the information there.
And it's something that we are very passionate to work on.
And everything else is going to be so cool.
You have to stay tuned to our Twitter.
Stay tuned to our website.
Warhams TV.
Stay tuned on the patron.
We'll be making public update posts as we go.
And if you are a patron, you will be getting behind the scenes stuff on it or anything else.
And remember, we are continuing with Warhams fantasy for now.
We are still finishing that.
So we're not 100% gone yet.
But Warhams fantasy is what we do on the other Saturdays.
And you can always check it on the website, on the schedule.
The find exactly when we're live.
It's the best way to kind of figure out things and everything.
Yeah.
Um, the other piece of art, they forgive me.
I'm trying to hold myself together, so I don't get this going.
Um, I think I also asked Skelly being the makers make as a poster, uh, just something to where I'll try my best to sort of find the best way to get this to people.
We're probably going to put in like a merch store or something and then like, let it go.
It's got to be really busted her butt off to really get this going.
Yeah.
This is.
It looks like Skelly did a phenomenal job on it and everything.
She, uh, busted her ass off on it.
So say thank you.
Skelly being for the fantastic poster.
Yeah, yeah.
So good.
So we'll try to get that to people along with some other, uh, neat little bits and bobs of art and everything else for that.
So.
So with that, thank you, everybody.
We hope you had a wonderful time here.
And we'll see you next time.
Got one more thing.
Oh, yeah.
Last thing.
Yup.
All right.
Let's go ahead and play the thing.
It is the 42nd millennium for more than a hundred centuries.
I have sat mobile on the golden throne of terror.
I am the carry in Lord of the Imperium for whom a thousand souls.
I am the carry in Lord of the Imperium for whom a thousand souls.
I am the carry in Lord of the Imperium for whom a thousand souls are sacrificed each day.
I am the carry in Lord of the Imperium for whom a thousand souls are sacrificed each day so that
I may never truly die.
this bleak and dismal horizon.
This age of futility promises nothing, for in the grim darkness of the far future, there
can be no victor.
You have known this, and still, you have fought.
Destroyers, survivors, faithful, damned.
Destroyers of the dark millennia.
I cannot say there was ever a purpose.
But know this.
Even here, drowned beneath the tide of war, there is hope.
There is love.
There is bravery.
There is compassion.
Buried deeper still, there is not faith.
There is will.
The will to stand defiant against an unbeatable foe.
To fight madness and cruelty.
Cruelty and hatred and despair, with every ounce of your being.
Even if you are destined to lose.
Though to mend this dark age, even here, these embers burn.
And if this fire must fade, then it will fade.
But so long, as it burns.
Children of mankind.
It may burn bright or still.
Fire and flame.
We are one.
We are one.
One.
One.
One.
One.
You say.
I've told this tale many times, but you won't remember the story.
But what I say is true.
There are stories of deaths.
There are stories of deaths.
There are stories of famous moments.
There are stories of him so proud to have made the movie this time.