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Faith and masculinity meet kingdom living to help Christian husbands rebuild their confidence and masculine strength, so they can enjoy attraction-filled and passionate marriages.
You want to live a life on fire and on mission.
You want to be filled with such conviction and drive that you stop caring about what ANYone thinks.
You want to face each day alive, authentic, and fully present in every moment: with your wife, kids, on the street, at the gym, at work.
You want to bring yourSELF to the table, and to stop bringing the watered-down, nice, what everyone wants version of you.
You want that self to be a man who is burning in passion for Jesus, unafraid to bring his kingdom to anyone in your path, no matter the cost.
You want to love the one in front of you without fear, without needing love back, and without reserve.
You want to experience God for real, to not just believe, but to KNOW that he’s got you and that he’ll show up on your behalf. That he’ll show up THROUGH you.
You want to get to the end of your race and say, “Yep…I gave it everything. Jesus, you know I’m all in.”
...And you want to know just how to get there.
Welcome to Man Warrior King. Congratulations. You are among the violent taking the kingdom by force. You are among the chosen, answering the call to rise above your self. You are in the forge being stripped down and strengthened—and you WILL rise stronger, solid, unshakeable.
You are a man. You are a warrior. You are a king.
Matt (00:03)
The secret to absolute marital bliss is found in two places in scripture. And if you talk to most Christian guys out there, they'll tell you, well, the Bible doesn't really have a whole lot of examples of good marriage. And then, what it does say about marriage is limited mostly to husbands love your wives and wives respect your husbands. And then we...
We are expected to build a fully passionate, thriving sex life marriage on top of all of that. And I'll tell you what, that's not all we get in scripture. So today we're going to figure out how you can avoid the mistakes of catastrophe for your marriage and what to do about them instead. Welcome.
Well, good afternoon and welcome to another episode of the Man Warrior King podcast. I'm your host, Matt Halleck. Thank you for joining me today. I want to welcome you to episode number 100 of the Man Warrior King podcast. And I have not been on YouTube for the whole history of the podcast. So in case you're wondering about all the previous episodes, because there's not just there's not 100 on here.
Go check out Apple, Spotify, and you'll find the whole history of podcast episodes there. So.
Men are looking for real significant help with their marriages, especially Christian men. And I'll tell you something here. It's unfortunate. ⁓ I don't believe the church has done a great job of offering practical support for men or women in life. We have done a really good job of analyzing theology. We've done a great job of discussing the nature of God, the nature of sin, the nature of salvation, things like that.
But we haven't, by and large, there are some churches where I'm not, this is not true, but by and large, we haven't done a really good job of creating thriving lives among our attendees, have we?
Marriages. So my wife and I can really only think of a handful of marriages off the top of our head that we like ever really wanted to emulate in our entire married life. ⁓ In the different churches that we've gone to. There's only been a handful and usually most marriages in church are are like. They're they're OK, but they're not thriving.
They're not like, my gosh, my wife just knocks my socks off. My husband, that guy is too hot, right? You don't get that. And that is not okay. And because it's not okay, I'm doing something to change that. So if we want different results than what you've seen in the churches around you, you're gonna have to think differently. That is what I'm always gonna come back to.
you're always going to end up having to think differently. If you don't change how you think, you're not going to get new results. And so you're going to have to be willing to call into question some of the religious platitudes, some of the holy sounding lies that you've heard for years. Business as usual for married Christians won't cut it because all it's gotten us
is vanilla mediocre, very pain filled marriages. And then we've gotten a teaching that has almost reinforced that those marriages can just be full of pain.
And because you don't get much help for the practicals of life, men often have to figure out how to thrive elsewhere. Right? So if you have guys who are succeeding wildly in business and, you know, making money, whatever, ⁓
but they also want to love Jesus. They kind of end up feeling like their their business life is over here and church life is over here. And to be honest, yeah, I love Jesus, but this doesn't do much for me.
And then maybe same guy, different guys, whatever different set of problems, different set of wins, whatever. ⁓ I'm looking in this place for marriage help. And because I'm a Christian, I think that this is the brand of help that I'm supposed to get. And so I'm trying to do it well, trying to do it well, and it's not working for me. And so I'm thriving in some area over here and I'm not over here. And it's super frustrating.
So today I want to give you like like solid kingdom keys for thriving marriage. This is the stuff that I would give my coaching clients and everything as well. So.
In two places in scripture, we're going to get exactly how to both ruin and save a marriage. And we're going to see how you can go from a hovering puppy dog husband to an attractive, bad-ass man kind of a husband.
Now the hovering puppy dog, let me tell you about the hovering puppy dog. The hovering puppy dog can exist in a man even when he's not always a hovering puppy dog. In fact, there are a lot of men who are real frustrated because it feels to them like they're one guy out here and they're a different guy as soon as they walk through their door.
And I'll tell you what most church culture teaching reinforces the hovering puppy dog. So what is it? Hovering puppy dog husband. He has this problem. He is not fulfilled, satisfied, happy as his own man on his own. He has to get a affirmation validation from his wife in order to be happy. And so I coined this term from my dog who is laying right down.
there at the moment, who always hovers and is always eagerly expectant waiting for me to make my move. Even if I just make a motion sitting in my desk right now as though I'm going to get up and leave. He'll look at me like, are we going now? It's finally and it gets really annoying if I actually do get up and leave and walk down the hall. He'll probably
Muscle is way to get in front of me and then he'll be he'll always like as he's walking in front of me He'll look over his shoulder and check and he's watching to see where I'm gonna go and he's gonna try to Anticipate my move so he can be there with me
And sometimes I'm like, dude, do your own thing. Just be.
Can you relate to this as a husband? Or maybe you have watched and anticipated your wife's every move and you've been trying to figure out where you can go to most make her happy. You've been trying to figure out where and how you can position yourself to most ⁓ create an opportunity for ⁓ sex or for ⁓ just more affection and a romantic moment, whatever it is. Can you relate to that? So in Genesis,
Chapter two, we see the first marriage come on the scene, Adam and Eve, obviously, right? And
This is also ⁓ some of it is in my book, by the way, The DNA of a Man. If you're not aware of it, it is a life changing book. And I actually just finished the accompanying tactical guide for it. So I would highly encourage you either click the link in the description or go to Amazon and find both the book and the tactical guide and grab them and work your way through them. But so this is some some of this is in there, but also some of it is not.
In Genesis chapter two, we see Adam on the scene first and God has given him this mission. He has told him to tend the garden to work it. And he also gave him the job of naming all the animals. Prior to this in Genesis one, we do see another grander mission that God gave humanity, which is to go and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish, over the birds, over all these things. So,
The initial plan, the initial mission for Adam, fill the earth, subdue it, tend the garden, work it, and name the animals, okay? God also gave Adam a principle to live by right from the get-go, which was, do not eat from this one tree, which it says he put at the center of the garden.
Then...
God says it's not good for Adam to be alone. So let's give him a helper. And that word for helper, I'm not going to go into all of it. It's not, helper is not a good word. It's more of a military partner. ⁓ Somebody who's got your six, who can wipe out your enemies when you're in a jam. That same word helper is used of God himself, bringing military rescue to his people. Okay. So Eve is created and you see
Adam is extremely excited. He says, at last.
This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Meaning, I've been so eager for this that I didn't even know it. Wow, this is incredible, right? At last. And it says, a man shall leave his father and his mother and the two, or cleave to his wife and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. And it says that he and Eve were naked.
both and not ashamed. So the first picture of marriage that you get is excitement, nakedness without shame, and a tight clinging to each other. You also see that both are given the mission of ruling and reigning. How many of you feel like you're ruling and reigning in your marriage? Do you feel that way? Because a lot of guys don't.
They didn't feel like they're just trying to survive in their marriage. Maybe they're ruling and reigning somewhere else, but marriage?
But that was the original mission. By the way, the other thing about the original marriage is that God put them in a place called Eden.
You want to know the the meaning of the name Eden. means pleasure. So marriage was intended to live in an environment of pleasure. Okay. This is all, all good stuff. Now what happened? Well, we all know in the next chapter of Genesis, a bunch of bad stuff happens.
And it says, serpent was more crafty than any other beast that the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, did God actually say, you shall not eat of any of the tree in the garden? And the woman said, well, we can eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden. But God said, don't eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden. Also don't touch it or you'll die.
Okay, so.
The serpent says to the woman, ⁓ you're not going to die. God knows that when you eat of it, your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil. So when she saw that the tree was good for food, and it was delightful to her eyes, and it would make her wise, she took its fruit and ate. And she also gave some to her husband.
who was with her and he ate. The Bible is so full of little phrases that are easy to miss. So the verse could have said, and she also gave some to her husband and he ate it, but it doesn't say that. It says, she also gave some to her husband who was with her. See, why does it say that? Because it didn't have to. If she gave some to her husband,
we could kind of connect the dots that he would have been there with her somehow.
But it points out he was with her. That's really important. Because if he was with her, it means that he wasn't on mission at that moment. He was given the task of taking dominion, filling the earth, subduing it, multiplying. Why was he in the middle of the garden instead of at the edge of it, pushing it outward?
That's a good question. Is it possible that when he saw this woman that was so enamoring to him that he began to crave more of
And is it possible that as he began to crave more of her, he wanted to always be around her?
And he wanted to always be available should she need anything.
And is it possible that if he wanted to get more of her, that he also wanted to keep her happy and make her happy and well, have a hard time standing up to her and telling her, no woman, don't eat that fruit. If she's all into it, maybe he was right there with her and he knew what God had told him, but he also didn't want to start a fight and lose out on the opportunity for some nice heated passion leader that day.
Is that possible? I'd like to think that it is quite possible because I know how men work. And I think you know how men work and you know what I'm describing sounds real familiar. Where we try to rig the day so that I might possibly get another fix of my wife later that.
And so what Adam did is he laid his mission down.
And he, instead of leading his wife into their joint mission and his mission, he let her set the tone.
⁓ she's going to stand around in the middle and talk to this snake. Okay, I'll stand with her. And suddenly he was not leading anymore. She was.
because just maybe she was so incredible and it caused him to want more. And he didn't trust that if he continued with his mission oriented life, his life grounded in principle, that that's how Eve was wired to be attracted to him. And he wouldn't lose her at all. He'd gain her more and more, even if there was time where he was removed from her.
So he became a hovering puppy dog, hovering around Eve, trying to get any bit of her femininity that he could get his hands on. And in so doing, he exposed his marriage and his home to the work of Satan. And he stayed quiet. And instead of speaking up and standing up to her and saying, no, this is not, this is not okay. This is not what we're going to do.
I don't like this. He just went along with it. He didn't have his own opinion. Guys, I am familiar with this. I'm very familiar with this. This used to be my primary way of doing life.
And even now I work to not, you know, fall back into that.
I like to say that I don't work at it and it's, and you know, I'm perfect, but I, but I work to not go there every day.
So when a man
begins to do all these things. Here's the signs. His wife loses respect for him. His wife loses her attraction to him.
And he begins to feel like his own opinions, his own desires don't matter. And things feel very one-sided. And he starts to feel like his wife is controlling. Like she is just critical. And she's gone cold.
And in reality, he went soft.
So, second place.
in scripture, or we can find a key to save your marriage. And I'm sorry, this is pretty cliche. Song of Solomon. I bet you didn't know that it has instruction for men on how to win their wife, but it does.
So notice, Adam began hovering around, following around his wife. Look at the difference in Song of Solomon.
In chapter one, the woman.
says, draw me after you let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers. She actually wants to be enticed to go chase him to go pursue him.
We hear all the time about husbands pursuing their wives, but what if your wife is supposed to pursue you? What if husbands pursuing sex all the time, because we've been told, we've been lied to, that by the church that sex is mostly for men and it's just normal for women to not want it. so,
You just all have to accept that fact and the lucky guys are the ones whose wives, even though they don't want it, are totally, I'll say yes whenever you want it.
So at best we get this formula for a lifetime of duty sex that is really only ⁓ minimally fulfilling for the man and not fulfilling for the woman.
But in the Song of Solomon, it's actually the woman who can't keep a lid on her libido.
What if that's possible, gentlemen? What if it's possible that your wife actually have a resurrected, like, I can't help but hunger for this guy?
That's what you see. Either God is right or he's wrong or he's intentionally misleading us because he's cruel, I suppose.
But she's like, ⁓ draw me after you. And then she says the king has brought me into his chambers. See, he brought her into his domain and his realm. In Genesis, Adam is revolving around Eve, who's become the tone setter. He didn't lead her out onto the frontier to start spreading the garden.
He was standing around in the middle. And that's where the danger was.
Then we also see a little layer.
in chapter two.
The woman says, the voice of my beloved behold, he comes leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. See, she's saying, look, there he comes leaping over the mountains and bounding over the hills. He's off doing his own thing. He's out on mission. See, the Song of Solomon is a picture of what Adam and Eve were supposed to be.
So this guy is out on his mission off in the distance and she's like, ⁓ there he is. He's coming home. ⁓ good. Because I'm going to jump that guy.
Man, that'd be, so many guys are like, envious of this.
So if you want this, have to do the hard work of refinding yourself. So the question is, what if I've lost my wife's respect? What if I've lost her attraction?
What if I become a hovering puppy dog? What do I do?
First thing, you have to earn her respect back. Well, how do I do that? There's many ways.
But the foundational way is you've got to tap back into your mission.
You've got to tap back into your identity. You've got to become your own man who is validated and affirmed, not by your wife primarily, but by God and by yourself. And you have to be willing to go fight and to go conquer and to push yourself outside of your comfort zone so that you can up level and become a better man than you were before.
You also have to earn her respect directly in communication with her. And you might need to establish boundaries, just like Adam was supposed to say, Eve, no, we're not going to do this. We're not going to eat of that tree. You might need to establish some boundaries that your wife may or may not like.
And if you want to...
Get the marriage happening. says right in the of Solomon, he's invited me into his chambers. If you want things to happen with you as the tone setter in an environment of your choosing, then you need to start.
speaking up about what you want in the marriage.
And guy Christian guys like no, no, no, no, that's not that's not me. I I wanted I just need to be patient. I just need to be patient and kind and I need to to just pray and wait and trust that God's going to change her. OK, go for it. How? Let me know how that has gone for you so far.
Let me know how that went for Adam. let me just pray and wait and be patient.
We know exactly how that turned out for Adam.
So if you want to earn your wife's respect back, you've got to A, up-level yourself as a man, find validation and affirmation with it between you and God and yourself.
You have to speak up in your marriage. And you have to...
Stop being passive.
You have to start actually taking initiative. You have to start taking responsibility to see the things change that you want to change and stop feeling like a victim that you just can't do anything. And you're powerless to save your marriage. You're powerless to win your wife. You're going to have to stop thinking that way because that won't help anybody. I've had to deal with that kind of thinking all kinds of stuff in my life, not just my marriage.
That victim thinking is tempting and it goes along with self-pity. Poor me. This works for other people but not me. You gotta stop thinking toxic thoughts that hell is actually behind. It won't do you or your wife or anybody any good if you love Jesus but you agree with hell.
might get you saved. It's not going to do you any good in this life.
And I'll tell you what, too many men, probably the vast majority of the church in at least America.
agree with All day, every day.
rather than with heaven. And heaven doesn't say that you are powerless. Heaven says that you're more than a conqueror and you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. Heaven says that if God is for you, who can be against you? And if he gave you his own son, how will he not also freely give you all things? So why would you assume that you won't get all things? Preaching to myself here right now, why would you assume you won't get all things?
God says you can freely have all things. Why would you assume that you can't win your wife back? God says you can do all things. Why would you assume that you are a loser and that you'll just never get this? God says you're more than a conqueror. So it's time that you and I start acting like it.
And if you don't even know where to begin with this, right? It's like, sounds good, Matt, but I don't even know how to do it.
that I want you to get in touch with me. Yeah, get my book, get the workbook, the tactical guide that goes with the DNA of a man. Absolutely. And get started on those. But I want you to get in touch with me because this is what I do.
I help men, Christian men, who are frustrated because they've seen varying levels of progress and success and performance in life. But man, the marriage.
is not budging. And you and I both know it's so painful to go out there into the world from a broken home. I don't even mean like divorced. I just mean it's broken. It's not functioning, right?
So I help men learn to find themselves in such a way where they are not afraid of their wives. They're not lacking confidence the moment they walk through the door. They're not heavy and discouraged and down.
They become a life source for their wife. They become attractive in her eyes. They become a leader again.
I help men learn how to bring vigor back into their bedroom so that sex is more than just once a month. some guys, it's been like, when they start with me, it's been like three years since they've had sex.
And then they start having it again.
So if you need help and you want to go deep and you want me to stand with you...
I want you to get in touch.
Because I know I can help you, my friend.
God bless you. love you. Thank you for joining me for this next episode of the Man Warrior King podcast. Would you please subscribe if you're on YouTube, leave a five star rating, a comment, a review on Spotify and Apple. Go ahead and comment on the video and let me know.
I'm no longer a hovering puppy dog.
That way I know you've watched it all the way to the end. It helps get the word out. Bless you, gentlemen. Peace.