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After her son Jesse was killed at Sandy Hook, Scarlett Lewis found three words he left on the kitchen chalkboard. They became the Choose Love Movement.
A podcast dedicated to Rapid Inner Transformation, hosted by Dr. Tara Perry. Featuring the work of those who help people resolve depression, stress, anxiety, phobias, and a broad assortment of physical, mental and emotional struggles.
For 25 years, Dr. Perry has successfully treated celebrities, olympic athletes, first responders, doctors, parents, children, and more. A Hypnotherapist & Doctor of Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine, Dr. Perry shares a message of hope and healing in every episode.
Tune in for conversations with Dr. Tara Perry and her guests, as she works to end human suffering and share Next Level Healing with the world.
Next Level Healing with Dr. Tara Perry
Guest: Scarlett Lewis, founder of the Choose Love Movement
Recorded October 1, 2026.
Dr. Tara Perry: Hello, everyone, and welcome to this episode of Next Level Healing. Today's guest lost her six-year-old son in the Sandy Hook tragedy, but what he left behind, three words written on a kitchen chalkboard, would ultimately change the course of her life and reach millions of others. Instead of allowing grief and anger to define what came next, she made an extraordinary choice: to turn unimaginable loss into courage, forgiveness, compassion, and love. Today we're going to talk about what it really means to choose love when choosing anything but love seems so much easier. Welcome to Next Level Healing, Scarlett Lewis.
Scarlett Lewis: Thank you for having me. It's great to be here.
Dr. Tara Perry: Wow. Take us back to that moment. When did you start to realize that going a different direction rather than resentment, hatred, was the way to go?
Scarlett Lewis: I think the first thing that really happened that started to wake me up was literally that day at the firehouse, which is where our reunification plan was. So the kids being evacuated from the school would meet their parents at this firehouse which was at the end of the cul-de-sac, and so that's where I went to pick up Jesse, and of course he wasn't there, so I waited for hours. My older son, who was 12 years old at the time, Jesse was six, was in lockdown in his middle school Spanish class, and he texted me and asked if he could come wait with me.
Now, my mom and my stepfather live across town, so they picked him up and brought him, they all came to this firehouse. And so there I was. Now, I was the only single parent of all of the 26 bereaved families, and so it was just me. Jesse's dad was there, but we weren't together. And Jesse has a different dad than JT, and JT's dad was not in the picture. Probably way too much information. But anyway, so it was just me for JT, and I'm sitting there, and it's the worst day of our lives. JT's already been through a lot of trauma in his life. Obviously, I had no idea that it was gonna turn out the way that it did, because those kinds of things don't happen to people like me in Sandy Hook, Connecticut, of all places.
And so JT comes, and the day moves on, and we still don't have Jesse. The first responders are coming and asking me really telling questions like, "Did Jesse have any identifying marks on his body?" And I would think, "Oh, God. Yes, he had a mole on the top of his right foot." And I'd look over, and JT was out of earshot, but he was looking at me. And I think it was right then and there that I realized, okay, everything that I do and say—and of course we know communication is more about energy and gesticulation and body language than it is about our actual words—everything right now is being monitored by JT, and I'm gonna have to lead him through this, however it turns out, but it didn't look like it was gonna be very good.
And I think right then and there I sort of made a decision, like I am going to try to be my highest and best version of myself, because I'm teaching him in the moment how to move through difficulty, roadblocks, challenges, possibly even a tragedy, and we're gonna have to get through this together, but he's gonna be relying on me. And I think that realization early on really, really helped me to have more of a thoughtful response than I might have had if he wasn't there.
Dr. Tara Perry: And what guided you through that? I mean, did you think... I can't even imagine what your thought process must have been through that. How, what was your thought process initially, and how did it evolve as you went day after day, week after week?
Scarlett Lewis: So I was used to being a single mom. I was a single mom almost the whole time that I had both of my boys. So I'm sort of the head of the family, you know? So I was taking control at that time.
There was something else that happened. So we... My mom lives on the other side of town, and I could not imagine walking into my little farmhouse that I shared with my two boys. I was just really terrified thinking about, gosh, I'm gonna walk in and Jesse's boots would be there and his toothbrush on the side of the sink, his PJs on the floor where he threw them when he got out of bed. I couldn't imagine going home. In fact, I said I was not going to at that point, so we went back to my mom's house.
And I had never met another parent that had lost a child to violence. So someone arranged for me to meet this mom who had lost her son to violence 20 years prior. So this is where I started. I was sitting there. I was in so much pain. I thought I would dissolve. I never wanted to hurt myself. I had a 12-year-old son, but I was just, I remember looking at my hand going, "Wow, I can't believe that I still have blood pumping through my veins." And so they bring this mom in, and I'm looking at her going, "Okay, I'm gonna live." You know, she's 20 years out.
And so she starts telling me about how her life is 20 years after. And about five minutes into her story, I hold my hand up and I say, "Thank you so much for coming in. I really appreciate it." But I'm thinking to myself, my life is not gonna be like that. I am not gonna be filled with rage. I am not going to be thinking thoughts of revenge and filled with sadness and unable, really, to move forward. I have a 12-year-old son. I am going to figure out how to move through this.
I always talk about how I think, looking back and with a little bit of hindsight, I thought maybe she would roll out a roadmap on the coffee table in front of me and go, "Where do you wanna go?" Because the word, and I almost see it like this, you know those games? That was going through in my head, but for not finding a place to land, was joy. 'Cause we'd had so much joy, the boys and I. And I thought, "How do I get back there?" 'Cause I know that's what Jesse would want. One of the things I did, too, was I never railed against what was. I knew he was gone. There was no sense in me thinking like that. I was really focused on how I was gonna move forward, how I was gonna model this for my son. And so I just sort of thought, I'm gonna have to figure this out myself. And literally, the Choose Love Movement is the roadmap that I created, just a few simple tools that are powerful for all ages and stages, and that's what I tried to model for JT, and this is how I've lived my life since then.
Dr. Tara Perry: At what point did you actually come up with the Choose Love Movement?
Scarlett Lewis: Oh, I say it was at Jesse's funeral, and that was six days after he died. And I got up to speak to the congregation, because everyone until then had been saying, "What can we do for you?" And, "What can we do about this situation?" And I said, "There is something that you can do." I said, "This whole tragedy started with an angry thought in Adam Lanza's head. Everything starts with a thought, and a thought can be changed."
So I said, "Something that you can do that will ripple out and will benefit you and the world is thinking about what you think about and changing one angry thought a day into a loving thought. It'll make you feel better, and it'll help you show up better in relationships, and it will literally help the world." And I forgot I said that. And then about a week later, people started responding with calling and texting and emailing, saying that one simple act completely changed their lives. And I thought, "Oh, okay, that landed."
And I knew, too, that I had to do something with it, because we found out in that first week that Jesse had stood up and faced the shooter and saved nine of his classmates' lives, his first grade classmates' lives, before losing his own. And so realizing that, and I realized also that what happened was 100% preventable. I don't know why more people don't say that. You think, what's behind a school shooting? It's pain. It's revenge. It's grievances. It's not being able to move forward. And we can give kids the skills and tools to be able to do that.
So I realized, look, if Jesse can stand up to a shooter who had just murdered his principal and guidance counselor right outside his first grade classroom door, then I can quit my job as a single mom, which was a little scary. I can start an organization, and I can take a different path that's been taken already. I can address what I call, or what is called the grievance end of the pathway to violence, and I can be for something instead of against something. And I can also, while doing that, be a role model for my older son, JT.
Dr. Tara Perry: And it did indeed take off. How many countries are you now in? How many schools are you now in? How many young lives has your organization touched?
Scarlett Lewis: Yeah, so in the last, we've had our program for about 10 years. It's been downloaded and accessed by almost 18,000 schools in 135 countries, which is really incredible. And bottom line, what it does is help us individuals, I say all ages and stages from pre-K to prisons and everything in between, choose a thoughtful response of love—and we call it a heroic choice—over anger, prolonged anger, hatred, resentment, and revenge. And so be able to manage pain because we all feel it. And actually, I think it's completely overlooked as an opportunity for connection. But just to be able to manage pain and actually take it and use it rather than be overwhelmed by it.
The whole concept is called post-traumatic growth, and there's so much out there about PTSD, and everybody has heard of that. But in reality, as human beings, we are designed to learn, grow, and be strengthened by difficulty in our lives. And so can you imagine a generation that understands that? And that when they are faced with difficulty in their life or pain, instead of doing what our brain would have us do, just as a protective measure—resist, avoid, or numb ourselves—they're able to stand up to it? 'Cause they know, be courageous, be curious. Not that they want it, not that they would ever choose it, but they can choose how they respond, and they can assign a more positive meaning, and they don't have to carry it with them for the rest of their lives.
Dr. Tara Perry: This is blowing my mind on so many levels 'cause it is so many of those protective mechanisms that our brain is firing from the amygdala and the hippocampus that ends up getting us in trouble, and unless we show it, "Oh, look, you're trying to protect me, and I appreciate that, but you're the iPhone 4, and I really need you to be the iPhone 17."
Scarlett Lewis: Yeah. Thank you, brain.
Dr. Tara Perry: Yeah.
Scarlett Lewis: Yeah, I know you're trying to protect me, but I got this.
Dr. Tara Perry: Yeah. How long does it take people to absorb and utilize these tools? How quickly can they realize, wow, this feels better, it gets a better response?
Scarlett Lewis: It depends. I mean, it depends on how open they are.
Scarlett Lewis: And some of the elements I got a little pushback on to teaching to kids because people thought they were gonna be too overwhelming and hard to teach, like forgiveness, which is a really important skill to learn if you want to move through pain and use it for you rather than against you. But you know what? It’s amazing. Kids get it, and they love it.
It’s more adults that may have a little bit of a preconceived notion about what we're teaching or resistance or think that it won't help them, mostly out of fear and even fear of change. What would it be if I did use the Choose Love formula and the Choice Moment model and I was able to move through whatever blocks I have right now? What does that look like? So it’s a little bit harder with adults. Kids actually recognize it.
I mean, we start with teaching this formula, which is like having the courage to be kind when someone's not kind to you. So you're kind of thinking, "Oh, wait a minute. Yep, I see how that can be all ages and stages," right? But courage is a skill. You can practice it. It’s like a muscle; you can practice it and grow it.
And then the next thing in our formula—it’s all so simple, but simple isn't easy. The next is gratitude. And you may be thinking, "Well, I know gratitude." But when is the last time that you consciously chose a grateful thought over an angry, hateful, or resentful thought? And it’s a mind shifter. It's incredibly powerful, and it actually builds resilience from the inside out.
Then we have forgiveness, and forgiveness is a thing in its own. It was probably the number one thing that I did to help me move through. It’s taking your personal power back. And then compassion in action. Also imagine a world where people understand that when you help others, you actually help and heal yourself. So this is all designed and neuroscientifically accurate to return your locus of control, the location of your personal power, back inside you where you can create change for a better future. That’s the definition of hope.
And that’s opposed to having it outside you where you feel helpless and victimized. Hopelessness is the single most consistent factor in suicide and violence. And so this formula is designed to bring that power back to you, and then the way that you put it into motion is through this Choice Moment model. I’m telling you everything here. It’s really simple. And your audience can take it and use it today.
It’s that pause. It’s called the Choice Moment model. It’s the space in between what’s happening and your response. You can only respond in two ways. You can react out of habit or memory, and if you do that, you get rewarded from your brain. You get a hit of dopamine. And that’s great, and that’s how you operate most of the time, because a lot of your work is based on that. But memories aren't always accurate, and habits don't always serve you.
Or you can pause. You can take a brave breath. Pause when you feel that redness in your cheek, when you feel yourself getting triggered. Or even if you are having a grievance, a pain that you're holding onto, if that memory comes up, you can pause. You can take what we call a brave breath, which is breathing in for four and out for six to regulate your... to even start your parasympathetic nervous system coming online to calm yourself, and then get curious. That curiosity moves the data from your fear center, where you process information that comes in from your five senses first, to your prefrontal cortex. This is where the brake on your instinctual reactions is. It’s also where your understanding of right and wrong, your executive functioning, and then this is also where you can make a thoughtful response of love.
So say we get on here, say I’m five minutes late to the podcast, and you're having a busy day, and this is gonna make you late for the rest of your day, and you get a little annoyed, and you're triggered. And how does our thought process go? It could go like, "Wow, that’s sort of disrespectful. Maybe she thinks she's bigger than she actually is, and I prefer people that show up on time." And so that could set the tone for the entire podcast. That didn't actually happen, people, but this is an example.
Or you pause. You take a brave breath. You say, "I’m not going to allow my thoughts and feelings to assign a meaning that I’m not even sure about here." And you say, "Hey, I hope everything's okay." And I go, "Oh, my gosh, my horses got out, and I had to run and get them. I’m so sorry." "Oh, no problem." That’s resolved.
However, you could not ask me. You could hold onto that grievance. You could call a friend afterwards, like our mutual friend Shawn Gallaway, and go, "Wow."
Dr. Tara Perry: Hey, Shawn.
Scarlett Lewis: "Hey, Shawn. Scarlett, you said so many great things about her, but she was late, and I thought that was disrespectful." That’s a grievance. And so you can carry that with you. That can turn into revenge. And by the way, people who are listening, hopefully you're going, "Yeah, that’s happened to me before," because we all can do that. But just to be aware of what that looks like and how to move through it.
You pause. Even there, even on the phone call with Shawn, you can pause, and you can go, "You know what? I’m gonna let it go. I’m gonna have the courage to just let this go, maybe give her another chance, or maybe not and say, 'You know what? She's not somebody that I would prefer to be friends with.' But I’m not gonna let it bother me going forward. I’m not gonna give her power over my thoughts that impact my feelings, that are going to determine how I show up." In this conversation with Shawn, I’m gossiping. I’m complaining. I’m sure he doesn't appreciate that. It’s bringing the energy of the whole call down.
So obviously this is for adults. I gave you an adult situation, but you can see how it works with kids, especially kids that are coming in and they're having a really hard time these days. Kids are in pain and they're more disconnected than ever. I’m holding up my cell phone for those of you who are just listening, which I equate to a crack pipe, honestly. I mean, I don't know about you, but hello, my name is Scarlett Lewis, and I’m addicted to my cell phone. And my real life is not happening on there, and I’m not really being connected to anybody on there. A lot of kids are doing way too much screen time.
So teaching them how to be present in the moment, aware of what they're feeling, able to move through hard feelings and assign an appropriate meaning, this leads into healthier relationships. And Harvard’s longest ever study on human life, it’s the Grant Study—they followed three generations, found that healthy relationships equate to greater happiness. So this is how it happens.
Dr. Tara Perry: This is all music to my ears, and you and I just love the same sandbox, so you couldn't have said that better. You said that it’s simple but not easy.
Scarlett Lewis: Yeah.
Dr. Tara Perry: I think that’s a really important distinction because a lot of times it really is just the difference of a switch being on or a switch being off. But having the awareness and taking the time to take a breath and have the courage to do something different. Because as we know, our brain doesn't like different. It likes what’s familiar, and a lot of times when we grew up in a family environment that was not healthy, that feels familiar. It feels good. It feels safe even if it creates nasty outcomes in your life.
Scarlett Lewis: Yeah, but not only that. Our brain is wired to protect us. It puts up what I call metaphorical dukes. Right? So it’s like, "No, you're not gonna hurt my person." And so that’s not conducive to healing. So you gotta pause, put down those metaphorical dukes because your brain doesn't want my person to be hurt, physically or emotionally. And so we have to remember about the emotional.
Obviously we want our freeze-fight-or-flight instinct online, and it always will be, so don't worry about that. But we don't wanna be ruled by our emotional selves. We wanna have agency and control over that, and this pause is golden. It’s key in doing that. And you're right, it’s hard. And then we even forget that we have a choice in the matter, which is why this is a daily practice.
Come on, guys, think about it. You're walking down the hall at work and somebody gives you a look, and everything in you starts to light up and you're like, "What the hell?" Right? And everything in you, your body, your brain is telling you, "Get even. Get back." I was at a high school a couple months ago, 2,000 kids, and I walk up to this girl and I say, "What does your brain tell you to do when somebody's mean to you?" So I’m the Choose Love lady when I’m in schools. And she’s like, "Be kind and compassionate." And I’m like, "Really?" And a girl behind her goes, "Punch them in the face." And I’m like, "Yeah. Exactly."
That is our brain’s natural response. It’s okay. Our brain has sort of an eye for an eye sense of justice. And when somebody does something to us, it’s painful, and we want to get even, and our brain thinks that that is going to resolve it. Here's the problem: it never does. It never resolves it when you think in terms of revenge. It simply escalates it, the pain comes back, you have to double down. It is not healing.
What is healing is going back to the Choose Love formula, doing that pause, getting curious, having the courage to do that, because it does take courage, and forgiving, really. Forgiveness is key. And all this "Choose love" may sound soft. It’s not. It is the strongest and hardest thing that we will ever be called to do.
Dr. Tara Perry: So a lot of people get confused about forgiveness, and I’m totally on board with you. Forgiveness and gratitude, I think, are two of the strongest forces on the face of the earth, and I’ve just watched what it can do when you get the right tools to apply it. But that doesn't mean that you're condoning the act. Can you just talk about that really briefly?
Scarlett Lewis: Yeah, absolutely. I’ll just bring up something. Like with Adam Lanza, I’ll bring up three things for forgiveness, just sort of personal examples. I knew that there was a lot of pain behind that action of the shooter at Sandy Hook Elementary School. I mean, people who are well-adjusted, people who are connected, people who feel good about themselves do not wanna cause harm. We know that it’s hurt people that hurt other people. So that empathy that I felt for him built a bridge towards forgiveness, and my ability to forgive him enabled him not to have any power over me, and also enabled me to be a fantastic role model for my son in that regard. Probably the second-hardest thing that happened was the trial with Alex Jones.
Scarlett Lewis: Alex had been out there talking about the fact that Sandy Hook didn't happen, presenting it as a fact. I had a really hard time being in that trial because it was the first of its kind—the first time a parent had to basically justify the fact that their child had died in a tragedy, and a very public tragedy, by the way. It was just a really hard thing to do.
At one point during the trial, I'm on the stand, and his attorney had a Boston University magazine in his hand. He said, "Okay, I have an article in this magazine, and the title of the article is Scarlett Lewis Forgives Alex Jones," or something like that, right? And he throws it down on the desk, and he goes, "Why are we here? So why are we here?"
It was such a great teaching moment because this whole thing—I guess trials are now entertainment to people—it's being broadcast out to the world. And I'm like, "I am so glad that you asked that question, because I have forgiven Alex Jones, but forgiveness doesn't mean that you don't hold somebody accountable." I think that was a great teaching moment for the world.
I will also go just a little bit further because I learned about forgiveness that day. Most of the time that we were in that courtroom, Alex wasn't there. He was doing his broadcast. One time, the judge gave me a break and I went off the stand. I was being brought back, but I think they thought that I was done, so Alex came back in. So I come back and I sit down, and he and I are now looking into each other's eyes.
And what did I see? Fear. I saw the reason why he was doing and saying what he was saying, and I felt such a tremendous amount of compassion for him. Love, in fact. And when I felt that, all of my fear and anxiety dissipated, just completely left me. I sort of, in that moment, actually realized the power of love and forgiveness—feeling compassion for the person who hurt you, feeling love for them. When you do that, everything comes full circle, and you literally get your personal power back in its entirety.
I had basically done that with Adam Lanza. I have worked in prisons. I've worked with at-risk youth. I understand that there is always a horrific story behind somebody who commits mass violence like that. But I hadn't quite done that with Alex Jones. I did it that day, and it was really an incredible transformation within myself. Even beyond just making the choice to forgive, actually coming full circle to feel compassion and love for that person was amazing.
With all that being said, I still struggle with forgiveness with, say, my family. You know? Because these are people that I don't really know. I never met Adam Lanza. Despite the fact that he murdered my son, I have to say in my journey, it was easier to forgive him than it was members of my family who were hurting people that I loved.
I will say it's not an easy thing to do, but everyone can do it. It's just a choice. You can make it right now. You could make the choice to take your personal power back through forgiveness. It's amazing what they've seen in fMRI machines. They had people in machines, watching their brain in real time, and they're telling them, "Think about somebody that you want revenge on." The pain center in their brain lights up. And then they said, "Think about forgiving this person." Notice, they didn't say, "Go through the process," or "Actually forgive them." No. They just said, "Think about forgiving the person." You know what happened? The pain center shut down completely. That is how powerful forgiveness is. And who does it benefit? It benefits the forgiver.
Dr. Tara Perry: Well, I love what you said about the shooter. You said, "When I forgave him, I took my power back." That was so clear the way you said that.
Scarlett Lewis: Yeah. There's so many scientific benefits.
Dr. Tara Perry: But it wasn't to benefit the shooter, it was to benefit you. And as you said, you weren't condoning the experience. I'm curious what you would say if you were present with somebody who had just lost their son in something similar. What can you say to somebody that's in that amount of tragic grief?
Scarlett Lewis: That's a great question because I had everything said to me, including, "I know exactly how you feel because I lost my dog." I love dogs; it's not the same.
I would say the best thing that was ever said to me was, "There are no words." I think trying to fill that space is not something that you have to do. Proximity is really important—just being with that person, showing up. I probably wasn't the type of person that would do that 14 years ago, but I saw how powerful that was. I also saw how much fear there is in just showing up. With my son going back to school, no one ever said Jesse's name. No one ever even asked him how he was doing because they were afraid that if he was having a good day, they didn't want to remind him. By the way, you'll never remind somebody of a tragedy. And if he was having a bad day, they didn't think they had the skills and tools needed to help him.
Here's what we learned. It has nothing to do about having skills and tools. It has everything to do about having the courage to just show up, to be there with somebody, just sitting next to somebody and saying, "There are no words."
You asked me what I would say. Having the credibility of having been through something like that, I struggled with this because another really hard thing that I've done is speak with communities that have gone through something like this—individual parents, as well as the whole community. I struggled in my mind with: should I talk about forgiveness? Is it too early? Will they be angry at me for even discussing it?
I decided that I would, because I wanted to plant the seed. I don't know any other way to move through a tragic loss like that. I'm saying any kind of loss—not just by shooting, but by disease, by accident—any sort of loss to my mind is tragic. I don't know any other way than to forgive. And it's not just forgiving the person who did it, it's forgiving yourself too.
Dr. Tara Perry: Mm-hmm.
Scarlett Lewis: Because that was something that I had to do. As a parent, you're responsible for the safety, health, and wellbeing of your child. Doesn't matter where they are. He was six years old. I really struggled with forgiving myself, believe it or not. You may be thinking, "Well, that's ridiculous. He was at school." But I think what we don't realize is we feel responsible for their safety even if they're at school. I think that that's a really big piece that everyone also has to consider: that forgiveness of self.
Dr. Tara Perry: Again, you and I are sisters from another mother because that is a huge part of forgiveness. Goodness. Taking my breath away here. Well, we might as well give Shawn some props while you have a song coming out. Tell us about that.
Scarlett Lewis: Yes. Oh my gosh, okay. So Shawn Gallaway is an award-winning musician and storyteller, presenter, and performer. He's an amazing person. Check him out.
Dr. Tara Perry: Artist. Most all the art in my living room is from Shawn.
Scarlett Lewis: An artist. Oh my gosh, what doesn't he do? He is incredible. He also has courses and he's just a beautiful human being. He wrote a few songs for Choose Love. Maybe when your podcast comes out you could link them.
Dr. Tara Perry: Absolutely.
Scarlett Lewis: One he actually performed in an elementary school that has the Choose Love program, and it has the kids in the background singing the formula. It is just, oh my gosh, you listen to it and it elevates you so much. Another one of the songs that he did, which is one of my favorites, is "I Choose Love."
I was actually in a school with an administrator that was the first person ever to implement my program. Remember, it was a new program and he was waiting for it. He kept saying, "When is it going to be ready?" He taught it in two different schools, and we were there with the entire school. He played Shawn's song and everyone was singing it. It was so gorgeous. I'm videoing it, sending this to Shawn. It was so great. I've traveled with Shawn, and he has opened for me and closed a presentation, which was just magical. So love him, love him, love him.
Dr. Tara Perry: Did you hear that, Shawn? So Scarlett, I have to say, when I got on the call with you—we hadn't met prior to this call, although I knew of you and we have friends in common—I expected to see somebody that had really deep creases. Because when you go through that kind of emotional pain, it's so clear to me—at least this is my hallucination—that all these processes that you've done, the forgiveness, the gratitude, the courage, the going out and sharing these gifts with millions of other people, it's nourished your light. Can you talk about your experience of that?
Scarlett Lewis: It has. I think that part of that is living my life in service. Now, that's not something that I did 14 years ago, I'll say. But I started doing that because I wanted to be part of the solution. I realized everything that we were doing up until that point wasn't working, and so I wanted to figure out a proactive and preventative approach. I just basically started this nonprofit, the Choose Love Movement, and serving.
I have to tell you that the research behind "compassion in action," which is our last character value, is accurate. When you love—and what we say is give nurturing, healing love to someone or something, or dedicate your life to service—you get it back. All of my efforts nourish me as well. And I do want to explain—because I don't think that we talked about the chalkboard message during this podcast yet—I also want to say, because I generally have this little angel on my shoulder, this whisper like, "Don't take any credit for this," and I go, "I won't." Because this whole Choose Love movement was not my idea. It literally came from a chalkboard message that I found days after the tragedy.
Scarlett Lewis: Jesse had written three words, and this is on a spray-painted chalkboard on the side of my oven. The words are phonetically spelled too because he was in first grade and just learning to write, but he wrote: nurturing, healing, love.
It floored me because I realized that's the solution. We focus on the problem in our society, like the war on drugs. I mean, how's that worked out for us? Or anti-gun. Well, how has that worked out for us? More guns and violence than ever before. All of these movements—anti-bullying—focusing on the problem. We know that what we focus on grows, what we resist persists. And I was like, "Oh my God, that's the solution." And it's so simple. As complicated as the problems get in our world, and it seems to be escalating, the solution remains the same and simple, and it's nurturing, healing love.
Look at me 13 and a half years later, I am still spreading this message, and I feel so grateful and honored to have been chosen to do this. Now, does that mean that I would give it all back to have one more second with Jesse? Of course. It doesn't make me grateful for what happened, but I'm grateful for the mission that I was given from this. I truly believe that it is a joint effort because I know that I couldn't do this myself, and so I am grateful for that.
Dr. Tara Perry: Scarlett, you are a beam of light, and I can't thank you enough for being here today. How do you want people to stay in touch with you, follow you, support you?
Scarlett Lewis: I really appreciate that. Thank you. Because this is a grassroots effort. We spread our message by word of mouth. Believe it or not, I still believe that's the most powerful way to spread a message. And so go to my website, chooselovemovement.org. You can donate if you want to. Join our summit at the end of the year. That's coming up; it's going to be great. There's Giving Tuesday. We're on social media. JT actually runs our social media now, which is really exciting.
So tell a friend, pay it forward. If you know an educator or anyone that you think could benefit from a culture shift internally or at work, wherever, please tell them about our program. Our program is no cost and it is very comprehensive. It's no cost because I realized we were priced out of the market on these essential life skills really, even in Sandy Hook, Connecticut. And they're so important. They're not skills that we're born with; we actually have to learn them.
I was 44 years old when Jesse was murdered, and then I'm taking these out and I'm looking at them. They're not anywhere else put together like we have them, and there's no other program, by the way, that's school-based focused on love, connection, and belonging—which is a little bit shocking but true—as well as post-traumatic growth. I really wanted to make it no cost because I know that if Adam Lanza had had access to this, this tragedy would never have happened. And so I wanted everyone to be able to have access. So please share it far and wide. Anyone that you think can benefit, please let them know about it.
Dr. Tara Perry: I love that you're basing this all on neuroscience, and the neuroscience is totally there to support this. Just love that. Scarlett, thanks so much. Everybody share this with a friend. There's so many people that need to hear this message and get these tools. Scarlett, one more time, just give the website that people can just get the tools directly.
Scarlett Lewis: Yeah. Thank you. It's chooselovemovement.org, chooselovemovement.org.
Dr. Tara Perry: Leave us a comment and subscribe, and we'll see you on the next episode of Next Level Healing.
Scarlett Lewis: Thanks.