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Happy Thanksgiving y'all! Stephen is flying solo today as he shares three tips for how to model gratitude in your mentoring relationship in this short and practical Thanksgiving special.
Show Notes
Tips for modeling gratitude:
- Saying "Thank You", "You're Welcome", and "Sorry"
- Sharing highs and lows
- A regular rhythm of prayer
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What is You Can Mentor: A Christian Youth Mentoring Podcast?
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You can mentor is a podcast about the power of building relationships with kids from hard places in the name of Jesus. Every episode will help you overcome common mentoring obstacles and give you the confidence you need to invest in the lives of others. You can mentor.
Speaker 2:Hey, today's episode is all about gratitude. How are we modeling gratitude in our mentor relationships? We'll give you 3 practical ways to do it, and we hope this practical ways to do it, and we hope this episode gives you or your organization value. And if it does, we'd love to hear about it. So leave us a review, rate the podcast, and share this episode with someone you think would benefit from the content.
Speaker 2:Thanks for listening. Welcome back to the You Can Mentor podcast. My name is Steven, and it is Thanksgiving 2020. And and your ears may be on fire when when I say Thanksgiving 2020, because this year Thanksgiving may not be happening like normal with your family. It's it's been the year of the coronavirus, the year of social, political, racial, and economic uncertainty.
Speaker 2:It's been the year of the murder hornet that just gives you a frame, a frame of mind of looking at this past year, and and you may be asking yourself what do I have to be thankful for? And today's episode is going to be short, quick, and practical because I wanna ask you a question, how many times has your mentee heard you express something you are grateful for? How have you modeled gratitude for your mentee? Today, I'm gonna share with you 3 simple ways to model gratitude in your mentor relationship. But first, I just wanna hit on something real quick, and that's it's the greatest myth about gratitude, and that's this.
Speaker 2:Gratitude is circumstantial. That is not true. It it's not conditional. If things are great, I can be grateful. That is a lie.
Speaker 2:Years like 2020, we are screwed if that's how gratitude works. Gratitude, if it finds itself or its foundation in the temporary, it will always be that temporary. True gratitude is grounded in an understanding and a knowledge of the goodness of God, not in a good circumstance. And so what I want to talk about today is us growing in a state of appreciation for the Lord and who he is and what he's doing and what he's done, and that trickle into our mentor relationships. Because really, gratitude is never a passive act.
Speaker 2:It's always something that we have to choose. And so if mentors choose to be grateful, I believe that mentees are gonna be given a model for what it looks like to walk in gratitude, and learn how to express gratitude in their relationships. Because really gratitude is probably one of the greatest relational skills you can have. And so here we go, Three ways to model gratitude. Number 1, saying thank you.
Speaker 2:You're welcome and sorry. Thank you. You're welcome and sorry. So who who are you saying thank you, you're welcome, and sorry to? Are are there anyone, is there anyone around you that you could be saying those things to that your mentee could hear?
Speaker 2:Maybe you need to say them to your mentee, but more often than not, the opportunities for us to say these three things can encourage gratitude in the heart of our mentee. So may maybe you recognize someone while you're you're eating dinner and the waiter comes and brings things to you, you can say thank you in that moment. Or maybe you help someone and show and they're modeling to your your mentee being generous with your time or with your gifts, them hearing you say you're welcome acknowledges that that someone else is grateful for you. And so you responding to that gratitude in a way is modeling for them what gratitude looks like either in giving it or receiving it. And then the last one is just sorry, saying sorry.
Speaker 2:I think really something that happens with gratitude is that when we think about what we're grateful for, we can also consider the things that we may have done or the the troubles that we may have caused to someone else and to communicate those things, vocalize them. And so if your if your mentor or your mentee hears you say thank you, you're welcome, and sorry on a regular basis, they're gonna have a framework for the relational skill of gratitude in their own life. So making sure that they're hearing it from you, but then secondly, who are who are you encouraging them to say thank you to, you're welcome for, and and sorry to. So in a way a mentor needs to identify those moments that may feel forced in in the moments to say you have a a kindergartner who just received something, but but it didn't say thank you. You need to help him verbalize that and and tell him what do you say, like or or or actually just telling him being being blunt and saying, say thank you.
Speaker 2:Now I I think that that practice is something that is a learned behavior and it may feel forced at first, but as they do it, they'll begin to recognize that they're interacting in a world with other people and and they can acknowledge the things that they've received and things that they've given by saying you're welcome and also saying sorry for the things that they've cost. So those are the 3 things maybe you can ask yourself that question to help you say thank you, you're welcome, and sorry is what have I received, what have I given, and what trouble have I caused? And I think those three things are gonna help you in modeling gratitude through saying thank you, you're welcome, and sorry. Number 2, modeling gratitude. This is this is similar, but it's really helpful.
Speaker 2:It's highs and lows, sharing highs and lows. So you wanna ask your mentee to recall the good and the bad of their day and to make that a regular practice. So this this helps them cling to what is good about their day, but it also helps them acknowledge and recognize and process the bad things that that may have happened. And so remembering the bad is not a bad thing. It it actually helps you appreciate the good in your day, but if both are left unexpressed, we aren't allowing ourselves to process our lives or remember those things.
Speaker 2:And so helping your mentee express his highs and lows will help him grow in appreciating his life experiences, her life experiences. It's it's very similar to a practice you may be aware of called the daily examine, which I believe was it it was established by a saint called a saint Ignatius, who this guy was just a a guy who started this deal, where in his own prayer life, he would ask for God to come meet with him, and he would review his day and ask the Lord what went well today? What didn't go well today? And and in asking those questions, he'd pay attention to his emotions, and he'd he'd kind of choose specific moments just to frame. Okay.
Speaker 2:Today, this went well and this did not go well, and he'd hand those things to the lord either in thanksgiving or in repentance. And I I think that asking highs and lows is really a I guess a non spiritual, but spiritual way to connect our experiences with within relationships and and be able to process our emotional life which most kids do not have an emotional life and so you asking that question may be starting the process of them recognizing that they've they have experiences and that those experiences how they felt matters, what they experienced, how they experienced it matters, and so ask we have coaches all the time who have kids come up to them and they're like, you haven't asked me yet the question today, and then the coach is like, what are you talking about? They may have forgotten, the kids always say, you haven't asked me about my highs and lows. They love being asked about their day, so they can share what what went well and what didn't go well. And as they share those things, they start to recognize they're grateful they're grateful for this and then maybe they're disappointed in another area and and so giving your mentee as many opportunities as possible to recall the good and recall the bad, I think are it's going to go well for you as as a mentor and so maybe you could even model that as as a mentor and share what went well for you and then what didn't go well And that that not only models for them how to do it, but also gives them a view of your vulnerability.
Speaker 2:It helps you build trust, and so you modeling sharing those things is going to to to really move the ball forward in your relationship. And the last way, the number 3 way to model gratitude to your mentee is in prayer. And so if you haven't had a regular rhythm of prayer with your mentee, I think this is a great thing to implement today and that's that's a prayer of thankfulness. And and I I think there's 2 things that you wanna highlight in your prayers, things that you're thankful for that you see in the Lord and thankful for that you see in your mentee. And so every time you pray with your mentee, I want you to express something that you see about the character and nature of god that that is worthy of praise.
Speaker 2:What what does the apostle Paul says? He he says whatever whatever is honorable, whatever is good, whatever is pleasing, whatever is worthy of praise, think about these things. And and I mean, honestly, if you have a revelation of Jesus, you're naturally going to be grateful. And so in in your prayer with your mentee, call out the things you see in God that are worthy of praise, and and namely the answer to Paul's question is really think about Jesus, because he is all of those things. And so call out the things that God brings to mind about who he is, what he's done, what he's doing, and then secondly, express thankfulness for the things that you see in your mentee.
Speaker 2:And and so 2 things happen here. 1, it it turns your heart to your mentee and so no no longer is your mind connected to all of your anxiety or fear or frustration or discouragement, but it turns your heart to thankfulness for your mentee and it does the same thing in his heart. Your mentee when he hears the things you're thankful for his mind cannot not attach to discouragement. He he only it's it's like the brain can only go in one direction at a time. I mean, I I highly encourage you to listen to Jim Wilder's episode, his interview blew my mind, literally blew my mind, but but if you if you can get your brain to attach to a state of appreciation, it can't do anything else.
Speaker 2:It can't be in 2 states at the same time and so as you're praying thankfulness for God and thankfulness for your mentee, this is really bringing your mentee into a right spirit, into a right mindset, and and giving him an example of what it looks like to express thankfulness and gratitude for our relationships, which if there's if there's one thing a kid from a hard place needs, it's gratitude for relationships. And it's so easy to think about the things that you don't have. That's that's the primary kind of neurological response is that we have a tendency to neglect the things that we do have, but focus and yearn for the things that we don't have. And so a mentee's mind will will naturally be thinking about the things that he's not doing right, or the things that he doesn't have. And so when you express thankfulness for the things that you see in him, that you believe and that you're bringing to the lord, it's causing his mind to come alive and and rewire his brain to see the things that you see in him.
Speaker 2:And so that's my encouragement for you today is really to get into a rhythm of praying every time you meet with your mentee to express those those two things, things you're thankful for the Lord, things you're thankful for that you're seeing in your mentee. That's what I got. Guys, I really hope that gratitude becomes a regular component in our mentor relationships. I know you've probably heard sermons and messages on thankfulness every time you get to this part of the season, but I think more so than ever, 2020 is the year for us to be grateful, for us to walk out in gratitude, and model gratitude for our mentees, because Jesus is amazing. Thanks for listening to today's episode of the You Can Mentor podcast.
Speaker 2:Once again, please share this with someone you think would be encouraged by it. And if you have any questions about growing as a mentor or would like to share a testimony about how mentorship has affected your life or how being a mentor has changed your perspective, we'd love to hear about it. Go to our website, you can mentor.com, and leave us a message, and look for our other resources. There there are a ton of resources that we posted online, a ton of episodes on our podcast, and so all of it is free and available to you. And if you're a mentoring leader, we'd love to connect with you on the flip.
Speaker 2:And so join our mentoring think tank that meets once a month. There are plenty of other like minded Christian youth youth mentoring leaders that you can connect with, learn from, and develop relationships with to to advance the kingdom of God through mentoring. So thank you so much for listening, and I hope you guys have a great Thanksgiving. See you.