Episode 32 - The Right After - It's All Integration

Show Notes

Welcome to your weekly dose of The Psychedelic Psychologist. This week we follow up with part two. Tyler who has just come off a radical experience that has transformed the way he is walking in "this world". He describes the the light and dark and finds love in both. 

Tyler drives home the importance of letting go and leaning into all the learning a psychedelic experience can provide if you trust the experience.

Are you looking for more integration support?

The Psychedelics Integration Handbook 
or 
Healingsoulsllc.com

What is The Psychedelic Psychologist?

The Psychedelic Psychologist is a conversational-style podcast hosted by Dr. Ryan Westrum with clients and guests who use talk therapy to integrate Psychedelic experiences for healing and personal transformation. Tune in to hear people’s experiences, breakthroughs and stories of healing addiction, depression, and trauma through Psychedelics. Dr. Ryan Westrum gracefully and empathetically narrates real therapy sessions with people in their most vulnerable and transformational moments.

I'd like to invite you to take a moment,
finding your comfort, finding your peace,

finding a seat, or lying down something
that feels right to you in the present.

And taking this breath in and this
breath out, I invite you to imagine

being on the other side, being on
the other side of expectations, being

on the other side of thought, being
on the other side of experience,

breathing in and breathing out.

Imagining what that is to you.

To look at the other side, potentially
getting clarity, potentially finding

more confusion, and ultimately getting an
understanding or a curiosity to go deeper.

Breathing in and breathing out.

Expanding your awareness
of the other side.

What does it look like to you to
integrate these experiences, these

thoughts, and these expressions of self?

Taking a moment to take one
final breath in and allowing

the, knowing the other side.

To soften and taking one breath out,
surrendering to the expression of

integration of seeking and processing.

Breathing in and breathing out.

Finding yourself back in
your body, back in this room.

Hi, it's Ryan.

Welcome to your weekly Dose of the
Psychedelic Psychologist, where I

invite my guests to share stories
about their psychedelic experience.

We cover a variety of topics
from overcoming addiction

and severe depression.

To finding wholeness
and spiritual emergence.

Today's podcast, you're going to
hear from one of my guests, Tyler,

who we will be revisiting after
their psychedelic experience.

This is the first time I've done this
where previously we talked about their

intention setting, his desires, his way
of setting himself up for a psychedelic

therapy experience, and now getting
the privilege to hear where he's at

and helping him integrate the process.

Tyler, as always.

How are you coming in?

Hello, . I'm good.

I'm great.

. You sound fantastic.

You sound like there's a full level of
energy that's been downloaded on you.

, let's start with how are you physically
doing well, Still still a little tired.

I still have a lot of.

energy that I'm really processing
through and yeah, I feel good.

I feel rebooted.

Let's say rebooted is a beautiful,
tell me what rebooted means to you.

Rebooted more of like a reset within
myself, so . Well, you know, we talked

about your desire, your soul's desire
to leave, your soul's desire to fly.

And now Yep.

Meeting you on the other end of
this , paint a picture for me.

What's landing, what we need to
integrate, and, as you know, integrating

with me what's most heartfelt and
important to process the information.

Yeah, what information is landing?

What feels right, what makes sense,
What's still potentially leaving you

a little bit, confused or curious?

Well, it all makes sense and
still, can we, can we paint a

picture of what the experience was?

Maybe let's start there.

Can I ask you to paint the experience?

I know you have a tradition of
working under the blindfold.

Can you share with me
what the experience was?

Yeah.

So we can start.

I was throwing all over the place.

So I did have this intense
energy that came through, this

higher force, this higher energy.

, it could be more of a, a Jesus energy to
guess that's the best way I can put it in.

It was within myself too.

It was telling me that to trust it
with it, it took me all over the place.

So it, it took me to the
past with the ancestors.

It took me to like,

Oh wow.

To,

What's coming up right now.

Something you're ing deeply.

Yeah, it's, it's a deep sense of, of
myself, deep sense of like ,what we are.

So it's still there.

I'm still sitting in that.

I'm still, it, it, it,
it's all, it's like home.

It's home.

It's there.

So,

It's home . I really appreciate your
courage, and I know it's a sense of what

I'm hearing from you, vulnerable, raw.

I understand what I'm hearing.

Is that correct?

That you're still in a sense of
rawness, a sense of vulnerability

within the experience?

Yep.

And you know it.

, I love it and I, I'm really,
really working hard on

integrating this into this life.

So it's, I'm trying to really
hon onto this to really, really

understanding and get to know myself
even more, just the other side.

So usually I don't do that,
but it's very loud, right?

Say more about that.

What's very loud?

The desire to be on in this planet,
or the desire to be on the other side,

The desire to be on the other side.

So it's, it's still there.

I could, I could easily just like not
pay attention to it and really hone

back into this life, but I'm like
bringing my life into this feeling and

still like juggling both to, to, to.

To gain that strength within myself.

There's a lot of wisdom there.

So I'm like really taking in
that experience and allowing it

and really just honing into that.

So like I, I'm, I'm cherishing
every moment, moment of, of it.

I really appreciate that.

Thank you.

I hear you.

And I witness you.

I witness you, and I admire you for
this because I know the longing and the

draw, some would call to the other side.

I used the language in past conversations
as de personalized or either body,

and yet what I'm hearing from you is
infinite wisdom about being able to

keep one foot in still processing the
psychedelic journey and one foot in

reality that says, Okay, there's time
and place for me to continue to process

or be pulled to the spirit, and then
there's time and place where I need to.

Really hone my everyday
life and this world.

How do you do that right now?

So recently coming off this experience,
how are you keeping one foot in

and one foot out in the processing
of being drawn to the spirit and

being called to everyday life?

Just learning, like, just balancing
it yeah, just learning to balance that

and , having the strength to do so.

and really allowing it to be part of me.

So, So you indulge in it in a way,
you allow it to kind of take over

you in a safe place, in a safe
setting, in a safe environment.

Yep.

That's courageous.

What would you say your.

Fully engulfed with at this moment.

I know you've said to me that
there was a lot of things that

came up in this experience.

Can you give me a for instance of
what's coming up that you're grappling

with, that you talked about the
Jesus energy and you going home.

What's that like to live?

So I've got thrown all over the place.

I've experienced,, a little bit
of, Hitler's energy, so like the

pain and suffering all around that.

So I felt like I was part of him.

And then, I felt all the pain and
the, the, the, just everything he

caused and I felt like the karma of.

Within myself that I was having to see
all that pain and all that suffering, and

I had to like really, , shoulder strength
to this higher power, this energy of

like, you know, forgiveness and like,
like just being in that and just really

like seeing and understanding like, like,
like this karma that's on this earth

that, that, that caused all this pain.

I was able to just witness
that and just really,

Just to understand that.

And then I, also experienced being
a joker, that I swung into like this

crazy life of like bringing me in
and out of like, Hey, you wanna go

do this, or you wanna go do that?

And like distractions, let's say.

Sure.

Being lost.

Being, being lost in the game, as a
joker and just having that awareness of,

I'm not gonna get caught up into that,
but I see it and I understand it, but.

This is happening.

So it it, it would shift me
back into like, you can go back

to this life, or like, you can
go do this and this and that.

And I felt thoughts coming up in
my, my experience too, of should I

go do this or should I go do that?

Then I like, Oh no, I'm actually in this.

So then I was, it was kind of cool
to know that I was having thoughts

and having that, but while experiencing
this and then coming to like.

Yeah, it was, It was wild and then
it calmed down and then it went to

this other experience of me exp.

Being part of an elephant, but then I was
right across from the elephant, I was

shown to, to connect with an elephant, to
really understand the energy behind that.

And I had thoughts on that too
when I was in the experience Oh,

should I leave to go scene elephant?

I felt inspired and motivated.

Just get up and go see an elephant.

I was planning something in my
mind back in the head , we're

gonna go see an elephant.

So it's, it's kind of cool to really
be in it, but then have thoughts and

then still plan on doing something.

Cuz you have this high tense energy that
gives you this motivation too at the same

time, but then you're in it, then you get
shifted back I got shifted into like this

other part where I, experienced ancestors.

Again, they came through
and it was very powerful.

And then, what were they teaching you?

, I'm curious about what were the
ancestors providing you when you

hit that stage of this experie?

Wow.

So it showed me this, this, powerful
energy of Native American energy where

I felt like I was in a past life where
they were doing, where they were.

I was also doing like a, a ceremony
with another, me back in the past

life where I felt like I was there
and then, and then also I'm doing some

work in this little, this little area.

And I was called to really hone into,
that area to the energy, to really

just look at it and feel into it more.

I was called to do some work in a location
and work on some energy,, around that.

And,

Embrace the, the land there, the, the
people around it and just really take

in, take in the experience and, what's
happening and just in the present moment

of when I'm there and then just really
reflect on the past with our ancestors on

the, with what was planted in that area.

So it very, Oh, that's fantastic.

It was.

It was really, really,
really, really powerful.

How do you manage the powerful
nature of all those emotions?

I can't imagine I've had experiences
similar to you, not directly

with Hitler's energy, but other
really dark shadow archetypes.

What's it like for you now to walk
with knowing that you've got a glimpse.

The divine source of Jesus, the
archetype of the shadow being Hitler,

and then coming back into concert
with animal energy, spirit energy, and

specifically your personal ancestors.

How are you managing that within
your psyche at this moment?

That takes a lot of courage and a lot of.

Yeah, so I'm actually like
trying to work on that right now.

,trying to understand.

I know we have darkened light
within us and, I, I just really.

This experience really humbled me.

let's say, I knew we had darkness
within ourself, but like, I didn't,

I knew better to really not like,
like really feed into that side.

But at the same time, I
knew that that's this life.

And I know that deep down that's
within me too, if that makes.

What I'm hearing you
say is the dark energy.

We all have a shadow side, so
clinically speaking, spiritually

speaking, and as you say so
eloquently, we all have dark and light.

And if I hear you correctly, you're
suggesting these archetypes are shining

light into both the dark and the
abundant love that the world provides.

Yep.

Tell me about that.

Do you, are you okay living integrated?

It sounds pretty well integrated,
this is a version of integration.

Yeah.

Yep.

I know that's just, that's part of who
I am, so it's, it's just more of, like

I said, I'm a geek in life, so I really.

Want to understand why.

Well slightly understand why
and how dark this world can

be, So it's like, it's just,

hmm, you're pausing.

What's the emotion coming up right now
as I hear you, as you're processing this?

I think it's a beautiful expression of.

What are you coming up against?

Wow.

Like,

like, I just, Hmm.

What's your body telling you right now?

Let's try to get out of our thoughts.

What's your body saying to you right
now as you're grappling with this?

Concept of light and dark and
the expression of the archetypes.

So do we have to challenge ourself to
know it's that it's there, but at the same

time we have to keep ourself good, Right?

So if you, if you're challenged dark
energy out in this world and it's.

You don't wanna play into that,
but then you have to have this

slight healing energy that you can
provide, but then still set this

healthy boundary within yourself.

That's a great question, and I think it's
a beautiful direction we should take.

What would it look like for you to
be able to honor the darkness and the

shadow without becoming, engulfed by it?

Or think we would have to act.

Okay.

Okay.

Because at the same time,
the darkness is teaching us.

Beautifully said.

What would it be?

Teaching us wisdom.

I fucking love it.

Wisdom and what?

Wisdom and growth.

Growth and what?

Love.

Thank you that that.

Pretty remarkable that to get the glimpse
and the embodied feeling of being an

elephant, or having Hitler's energy,
or Jesus's energy, or our ancestors'

energy, we're growing into love.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

There we go.

What's landing for you?

Mm.

Like the process of why
everything's happening.

Oh, like, okay.

Keep going on that.

The process of everything happening,
say more with what life is, is like

everything happening the way it's
happening, for it to really land

into this, this love that we, we are
creating for the next generations.

Yeah.

And the next generations
deserves and is provided.

We need guideposts, right?

So if it's not us feeling into our past
life regressions, or experiences with

our ancestors, or the archetypes of evil
and the archetypes of bliss, Sometimes,

From my experience, we learned that these
magnifications, these de personalizations

within these experiences offer us
hope in how to walk then in our life.

Right.

Okay.

I, I don't believe it's like, Oh,
I felt this negative archetype's

energy, so now I'm going to embody it.

It's quite the opposite.

It's how do we express love?

How do we shower ourself
with understanding?

I call it quite often, and it's
a silly acronym, How do I cup it?

C u P.

How do I show compassion?

How do I explore understanding?

Okay, and in what way can
I be patient with myself?

Okay, Compassion,
understanding, and patie.

Tell me a little bit, Tyler, about
what you're walking with this moment

as we're spending time processing, What
do you need in this moment and what

are you certain of within this moment?

Well, that.

What we just talked
about is what I needed.

it makes sense.

Those were my questions that I wrote down
and, that I feel like what I, what I was

showing in my work, it, it landed to where
what, what this conversation needed to be

and you are going to walk with, and what
I know you to walk with is unwavering.

What?

Just be.

Nice.

Say more of the expression that,
what does it look like for Tyler?

Can you share with me what is it going
to look like for Tyler to walk with

love today and the days following?

Just, just be myself and,
just be myself and set healthy

boundaries to where I'm able to.

Really step into a better version
of myself, like strength wise.

,don't get lost in the, the chaos of
what other people are going through.

And just lead, just lead, lead
with love and kind, and just really

just have the power to do that.

Just follow the heart.

Like whatever the the soul takes me,
allows me to do is what I'm gonna do.

I feel that, how does that land in
your heart as you say it out loud?

It feels really good , So I'm always
a yes man, always there and it's, I'm

challenging myself to really set healthy
boundaries, but then like still show that

love and be that kind and not., really get
lost into the, the, the, the, the anger

and the sadness of what's going on there.

I do have, I do have anger, but
like I understand it, so I, I don't

project it or I don't show it to,
To like continue that, so, Right.

Well it's like you said in the,
previous conversation you and I had is

there are always going to be triggers.

We can't ignore the triggers that
we're going to have or the traumas

that we're going to be remembered, or
the emotional expression if we ignored

anger or sadness or frustration.

What we're doing is we're shutting
down our emotional spectrum.

So tell me a little.

About then what we learn from
feeling anger or sadness.

It doesn't mean we have to
act on it, but it could be an

opportunity to seek understanding.

Yep.

Yep.

Understand.

Tyler, what are you going to do, Tyler?

What are you going to do to walk
gently with yourself with this new

newfound experience under your belt?

How are you going to be gentle with.

Yeah, the last couple of days
I've been walking with humbleness,

so I'm, I'm a lot more aware.

I have my, my awareness is a
lot more sharpened now, and I'm

just being more cautious of.

How much energy I give out and
I just honed into, creating my

reality even more and not give out.

So only give, I'm learning to
only give to those who give to me.

So, I'm very, I'm, I'm a lot more
strict now, but I'm still going

to, lead with love and kind so
it's on my vision board so that.

My challenge is that cuz I'm
a giver and I just give out.

So I just, just challenging
myself not to do that.

Yeah.

It's okay to say no and sometimes
yeses happened and it's not

a selfish expression because
especially after these experiences.

There is ample time to kind of, hold our
reserves, not because we're incapable

of giving, but because at some time it's
okay to sit with and give to ourself.

What I'm also hearing at some level
is your desire to give to yourself.

I think you, Oh, go ahead.

I, I think I learned a lot of
lessons after my last experience.

So, and not only that, like I've
experienced so much that a lot of

awareness came to me to come to
like, oh, I, to set these boundaries

because I was unaware of it.

So now that I'm seeing a lot more,
I'm able to start setting boundaries

now, and it just, it just feels good.

You just really see who's
there taking and who's.

Who actually cares and don't.

So it's like, oh, okay.

Okay.

So I just, I'm just grateful that
I, that I'm able to see that now and

I'm able to really, really like step
into a better version of myself.

So I.

Yeah.

And it's gonna be a experience through
the people you interact with, with the

work you do and the people you come across
is you're not gonna be just taking, but

you're going to be giving and receiving
and receiving and giving together.

And that's what, I know that the
universe is, is there with me and.

If I'm able to give to somebody
that I'm, I'm able to help,

I know it's gonna come back.

So I know that's there,
so I, I can really start,

practicing that in my reality.

So Tyler, it's so great to hear you.

It's beautiful to support you
in your integration process

and most of all, be gentle.

Yeah.

Thank you.