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An episode about the facts inside fiction, punishment and fond memories.
A weekly podcast of fiction written and read by Jason Geary.
Hello, and welcome to episode 56 of the Dictionary of Moments podcast. My name is Jason Geary. I'm your author, reader, and host. Settle back in. Let's read some stories.
theme music:Pretty as I believe, look
Jason Geary:Well, it is a blustery old day here in Melbourne, Australia. The sun is out, but the clouds are zooming across the sky with the force of the wind behind them. The trees are scraping up against the building, and, it's quite lovely, I must say, to have a purifying, aggressive breeze. Things looking good here in Melbourne, Australia. As you know, we've been under strict lockdown, and today, we had zero new cases of coronavirus and zero new zero deaths.
Jason Geary:And I don't think we've had a death for the last seven days as well. So I hope that things, in your part of the world take a turn or are as good as they are here. We have, this is a hard fought victory for us here in Melbourne, Australia. We've been in severe lockdown for a very long time and are looking forward to having some of these restrictions lifted very soon. So with that excitement hanging in the air, announcements to be made tomorrow here in Melbourne, Australia, I hope that wherever you are in the world, you are being safe, and your government gives a shit about, about coronavirus and caring for their citizens.
Jason Geary:And, look, if, you know, you're locked up, you're in confinement, or you've had to self isolate, why not listen to some stories, and hear, three for you? Assistant. Noun. A person who helps in particular work. Assistant.
Jason Geary:I'm the main event, but not who they come to see. My job is to fold myself up and wait inside a box for forty three minutes until it is time to amaze you. I go into a meditative state. I have to. Otherwise, it's forty three minutes of my head on my stomach listening to me digest lunch.
Jason Geary:There's a little space in here that even if I have a couple of extra bites, the balance is off. There's such discipline to have the privilege of being locked in this case. The simple fact is I'm replaceable. You'd think there wouldn't be too many people wanting a job like this. There are.
Jason Geary:Still for forty two minutes, then I have to wiggle and get the blood back into my legs. When I hear the case click, I have two seconds to stand and smile. Then the lights hit me in the face and a collective gasp echoes through the theater. I look towards the magician and he offers me a wink, an acknowledgment of a good job. I smile and am pushed off stage.
Jason Geary:Job done. Tomorrow is a day off, so tonight is pasta night. Purgatory. Noun. A place or state of suffering inhabited by the souls of sinners who are expiating their sins before going to heaven.
Jason Geary:Purgatory. Pardon me. Did you say I was dead? Yes, sir. Just now.
Jason Geary:It was quite sudden. Please don't be alarmed. How? Well, sir, you were hit by a car. You walked out into the road without looking.
Jason Geary:Well, you were looking at your phone. It's very common. But there was nothing coming. I I looked both ways. She scrolled up her tablet.
Jason Geary:Nope. You were hit by a bus. Electric. We're getting a bunch of these recently. They don't make as much noise as other buses.
Jason Geary:You should have looked, both ways with your eyes, not your ears. But I did. Sir, there's no point arguing with me. You're dead now. There's nothing anyone can do about it.
Jason Geary:The simple fact that you were standing here is all the evidence I need that you didn't really look. Do you agree? I looked around. Where am I? Heaven?
Jason Geary:No. We can't just let someone with your record into heaven. My record, what does that mean? Well, sir, it says here that you are a lapsed Catholic. Yeah.
Jason Geary:But once a Catholic, always a Catholic. Right? Correct, sir. However, simply being a Catholic doesn't qualify you for entry into heaven. We have a process.
Jason Geary:Please follow me. She led me down a long corridor with doors spaced evenly every 15 meters on both sides. I tried to listen to what was happening behind each as I walked by. We walked for what seemed like a day. I didn't feel tired, hungry, or impatient, you know, the normal things that you would feel walking down an infinite corridor.
Jason Geary:In fact, I didn't feel anything except a mild burst of contentment. Even if I wanted to object, I couldn't. She stopped suddenly outside a door that looked just like all the others. It had no markings or numbers, but somehow, she seemed to know that it was mine. And here we are, Jason.
Jason Geary:This is where you'll be spending purgatory. The lesson you learn or fail to learn in this room will determine your fitness to enter the kingdom of heaven. There will be a test at the end, so please take note. A test? I wanted to feel anxious but couldn't.
Jason Geary:What do I have to do? I'm not gonna be tortured, am I? Oh, no. She laughed. You're not in hell yet.
Jason Geary:All of that depends on how you go here. With that, she opened the door. I walked into a living room that I'd had in a student house during uni. So many great memories here, parties, friends, play, first kisses, first breakups. This is my chair house from uni.
Jason Geary:It is where we determined you'd be the most comfortable. You need to settle in. We find it gives an improved chance to pass the test. This is a perk for being Christian, even non practicing, she jested to the TV. Once I leave, you will need to watch back every mistake you have ever made in your life and the ripples and ramifications of each.
Jason Geary:You will be tested at the end. She started to close the door. Wait. Wait. Wait.
Jason Geary:Wait. Wait. What what do I have to do? What? Relive every mistake you have ever made and witness their consequences.
Jason Geary:Oh, how long will that take? Forty seven years. Don't worry. She shooshed me as I tried to interrupt her. The only thing you will need to be able to feel in here is guilt and empathy.
Jason Geary:It'll go by in a flash. Trust me. You won't even feel the time. Actually, time doesn't really exist or mean anything here. It's an abstract concept that you are yet to relinquish.
Jason Geary:You will. She checked her tablet again. Oh, you have some doozies in here. Big mistakes. Alright.
Jason Geary:Well, you should get started. The quicker you do, the quicker you'll be done. She pulled the door closed. The room dimmed, and the TV flickered on. There I was, a small boy in brown corduroy pants and a red and orange T shirt, throwing a tantrum in a shopping center because I wasn't allowed to go on a ride.
Jason Geary:My grandmother had her head in her hands rubbing her temple. It cut to her in her kitchen, talking to my grandfather about what a brat I was and how she wanted to see my mother less because of me. This was gonna be excruciating. Limoncello. Noun.
Jason Geary:A lemon flavored Italian liqueur. Limoncello. It's late. Well, after 1AM, I'm in a restaurant that shows no interest in closing. Punters are still arriving from other places looking for tables.
Jason Geary:I'm full of delicious pasta, waiting at the counter to pay. I've learned that you don't eat dinner here until after eleven huge plates of pasta just before midnight. I couldn't be happier. The owner speaks to me in Italian. I shrug with an apologetic look on my face.
Jason Geary:My Italian friend steps in for support. The owner repeats himself, I'm trying to count my euros ready to pay. To my surprise, he's not asking for money. He's asking me if I want an espresso followed by a limoncello to close out the meal. He looks expectant.
Jason Geary:Everyone waiting looks at me and nods. Okay, I say. I walk over to the bar where lines of espresso are poured into tiny cups, which are partnered by slightly taller frosted shot glasses. The owner talks at me again, pride written on his face, Fabio translates for me. He says this is his family's limoncello recipe, a closely guarded secret for centuries.
Jason Geary:It seems almost every family has a secret for limoncello, and each is more proud of it than the last. Is espresso at 1AM advisable? I ask. Andrea joins us at the bar. He heard my question or approach.
Jason Geary:The espresso is to wake us up after the meal, then the limoncello is to calm it down. You'll be asleep by 01:30. We pick up our tiny espresso cups and drink, bitter and thick. And as soon as the tiny cups hit the table, we pick up our shot glass, the owner included, and we bring our glasses together. Cheers.
Jason Geary:Salute. We drink. The sweet lemon flavor cuts across the bitterness like an incoming tide, slow, steady, and a little overwhelming. Sour faces turn to smiles as we all make eye contact, then put down our glasses. While I was drinking, one of the guys paid for my dinner.
Jason Geary:Fabio puts an arm around my shoulder and smiles. It's a perfect little ritual that makes me feel like I belong. Thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you enjoyed those stories. I got a little warm fuzzy at the end of the last one.
Jason Geary:It is, in fact, a true story, of a late night, dinner one time in Milan with some improviser friends of mine. And it still makes me feel the warm fuzzies, and I hope it made you feel that too. I wonder what sort of rituals you've experienced around the world with other people, that made you feel at home. Well, write it in. Share that.
Jason Geary:You can join the dictionary of moments community on, Facebook. There's a page there. You can hit me up at jason@dictionaryofmoments.com, and I will have an email, on that. Thank you so much for tuning in this week. Dictionary of Moments has a Patreon.
Jason Geary:You can head over there to support the podcast. The other thing you can do, of course, is tell a friend, about the podcast and get them to tune in. Thank you for tuning in this week, and, I will see you again next week for more stories. Check out the Heartstrings Project on Spotify, because this is their beautiful music. Talk to you next week.
Jason Geary:Bye.
theme music:Pretty eyes, so I'll look