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home is a place. a people. a memory. a home with open doors to those who need them, 1471 Thomas Sloane Avenue, better known as Laurie's House, is, has been, will be a place of becoming. but it is too late. 1471 Thomas Sloane Avenue, Laurie's House, is gone.
// Laurie's House is a TTRPG Actual Play, produced by tendervicious studios. Using The Home We Remember as its system, Laurie's House tells a tale of memory, identity, and community.
Hamnah: Welcome and thank you for listening to Laurie’s House! Laurie’s House is a Home We Remember Actual Play produced by tendervicious studios, a multimedia production studio that creates experimental shows with intent. We aim to challenge and redefine what is possible across mediums. Laurie’s House features Cai Kagawa as the Architect; Gwendolyn Kelly, Hamnah Shahid, and Amir or Nada Alami as the players; Sea Thomas as the dramaturg; Jordon Moses as the podcast editor; and Lexi McQueen as the theme composer.
Hamnah: This episode of Laurie’s House would not be possible without our sponsors, Frivolous Bear Studios and Blackbird Revolt.
Frivolous Bear Studios is a new gaming studio focusing on tabletop roleplaying games that tell untold stories and uplift marginalized voices. The studio is currently accepting pitches for tabletop roleplaying games and other gaming experiences, as well as interest from artists, editors, and designers. Go to FrivolousBearStudios.com to submit your pitch or to express interest for creative work!
Blackbird Revolt is an abolitionist design studio creating designs that shift culture and build power. Through design, they aim to inspire people to engage in activism and movement work. Check out BlackbirdRevolt.com to hire them for graphic design and video production, and to buy their art!
Thank you so much to Frivolous Bear Studios and Blackbird Revolt for supporting our show. We hope you’ll join us in giving love back to our sponsors, so we can all continue to make weird, experimental art. Without further ado, let’s walk together into Laurie’s House.
Hamnah: Content warnings for this episode of Laurie’s House include flirting, descriptions of food and cooking, snakes, birds, complex and complicated relationships, references to sex, references to self-harm, fire and burning, explosions, and blood. Please take care of yourself while listening and thank you for Going There with us.
Episode 1, BURN/BORN/BURIED.
Cai: Take a step forward. Walk into a different room. A different building. A different part of town. Look around you. Where are you? When are you?
Memories are not perfect snapshots of places, people, emotions, experiences. They are paintings, recreated every time we step foot into the past. The act of remembering is a rewriting of our personal histories coloured by the moment we’re in, by who we are right now.
Memories are held in places. In rooms. In buildings. In parts of town important to us. Time is a place you find. When you find it, you remember. You rewrite. You erase. You relive.
What story will you tell about yourself? And how many times will you tell it?
Cai: Home is a photograph hung on a wall. Home is wooden floors creaking and loved. Home is silence you are alone with yourself in. Home is a place. A people. A memory. A home with open doors to those who need them, 1471 Thomas Sloane Avenue, better known as Laurie's House, is, has been, will be a place of becoming. Established in 1977, Laurie's House has hosted dinners, game night every first Wednesday, fights, wakes, at least one birth, that sacred moment of inspiration, Super Bowl Sunday, and today, a wedding. Like her namesake, Laurie's is warm like the sun and colourful like stained glass. She's a three-story townhouse with a shallow front porch that butts right up to the sidewalk, and a large backyard. When she first bought the house, her and her sister could barely afford the down payment and put their best suits on for the last time to impress the bank. Laurie, who hasn't been here for going on twenty-seven years, but her memory hangs in every corner. Just like Theo likes it.
Cai: Theodore Ito— Theo to anyone who's known him for longer than a handshake— keeps the memory of his first love alive by celebrating her passion for her community, and keeping the doors open, just like she had done for him. Today, for maybe the first time ever, it isn't about Laurie. It's about Theo and Pascal. Pascal, who was the one who waited. Pascal, who will be the first to admit that, in his old age, he thought that love at first sight was a fairy tale. But then he met Theo and that instinct that he usually reserves for parsing out case law or cooking his Ma's recipes kicked in. And now, under the twisting old lemon tree in the backyard, whose roots bind up water lines and whose flowers look like unseasonable snow in the spring, the two men are going to finally make it more official than just shared bank account. Today is about Theo and Pascal. Or at least it was supposed to be.
Cai: The invitations have been sent on the nice recycled stationery. You know, the kind that still has those delightful imperfections with the fibers, and signed by hand, each and every one of them. Food is cooking. Chairs are being set out. Rings are in hand and being worried over. Flowers arrive in 23 minutes.
Eira, as you approach the front door, who are you? What do you look like, and what did you forget to do this morning?
Hamnah: As Eira approaches the front door of the house, they stand at a tall 6'1". You see a very muscular person with very deep brown skin and at first, the most striking thing about them that you notice is their eyes. They are a gray color that are looking, at this point, all over the place. They are looking at the door of the house. They're looking up towards the patio on the second floor. They're looking around to all of the people that are around and there is this very, almost anxious energy about them as they approach.
Hamnah: Eira is, well, first and foremost, a firefighter. Secondly, a new, but welcomed member of this community. And Eira, as they stand here with their nice pressed slacks, their dress shirt that is slightly open, unbuttoned down a little bit more than it perhaps should be, they have suspenders on and a nice jacket on top, ready for this wedding. And their mind is not on the wedding, but rather thinking back to earlier in the day when they were at work and, well, they could have sworn- they could have sworn that they did every single part of their ritual correctly. But there is this nagging feeling in the back of Eira's mind that they had messed up one of the steps. That instead of putting on their turnout gear from left to right, that they may have accidentally done it right to left this time, and they can't remember. They can't quite remember and they're extremely distracted by this, worrying their long, straight, ash-colored hair that's worn up in this very tight ponytail. And their hand keeps going up to it, kind of like smoothing it out as a nervous tic, as they walk up towards this door, hoping- hoping that- No, no, they did everything correctly. They always do. They never forget. They never slip up. It'll be fine.
Cai: You hear the wooden sound of a bike impacting the railing of the patio as Aspen puts their bike against the railing. Aspen is a trim, fit person with medium brown skin covered in dark freckles like a desert night sky. They have chin length hair with soft wide waves that hide the occasional slipped- skipped shower after a tough day of climbing at the gym. Today, they're wearing a comically oversized shirt tucked into high waisted stonewashed jeans, and their peacock teal suit for their appointed role as Theo's Best Man is in a clear plastic dry cleaning bag slung over their arm. Off the side of their backpack, as they lift it off of the saddlebag of their bike, has a very thick, rolled climbing rope.
Cai: "Hey."
Hamnah: "Hey!"
Cai: Aspen looks Eira over from head to toe. "Looks good."
Hamnah: "Yeah? You think so? Jacket's not too much?"
Cai: "You're wearing a jacket?"
Hamnah: "I can always take it off."
Cai: "You can do it upstairs if you want. I gotta get dressed."
Hamnah: "Okay, I'll follow you."
Cai: As the two of you ascend the very short steps into the front door that is open today completely wide, ready to receive any guests arriving, turning down the stairs, the narrow shoot of stairs that climb up the center of all three stories, you see one of the men of the hour, Theo. He takes his time as he descends step by step. Theo is a petite, older, Japanese man. He's a transplant from California who fell in love with a woman, a house, a home, and never left. He walks slowly. His knees just aren't what they used to be. He's measured and often somewhat soft spoken. But he has a big laugh that pulls at those well-earned wrinkles under his eyes at the corners of his mouth. Today, for now, he wears a house robe over comfortable clothes, soft house slippers, and his boxy glasses. And he smiles as he greets both of you.
"Hello. You made it."
Hamnah: "Of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world." And Eira walks up towards Theo and immediately and pulls him into a hug.
Cai: And his arms can reach all the way around you, but it's like the middle of you because you're very tall. And he pulls you in a tight embrace, so much so that it squeezes some of the air out of him.
Hamnah: And Eira will, I think, pull Theo back and, holding onto their forearms very gently, will look at Theo. "How are you feeling?"
Cai: "I didn't think that any of this fuss was going to be worth it, but here we are."
Hamnah: "Don't tell me that you're having cold feet, are you?"
Cai: "Never."
Hamnah: "Never?"
Cai: "I just don't like all the fuss."
Hamnah: "Well, I think it's worth it given that it's for you."
Cai: "For both of us."
Hamnah: "Right. We never get to celebrate you, though, in this house, and that's a shame given all you do to run it, so..."
Cai: "Oh," and at that, Aspen inserts themselves into the conversation immediately.
"Yeah, come on. It's- it's time to actually celebrate you and all the things you do and all the money that Pascal keeps bringing in." And lightly pokes Eira in the side.
Hamnah: Eira is going to, I think, not acknowledge the fact that Aspen poked them and just look sidelong at Aspen and give this kind of, what is meant to be this charming smile, but it doesn't reach their eyes at all as they look at Aspen. "Yeah, anything that keeps this house running, well, it keeps the community running, so I say all of that is worth celebrating. But you're not dressed yet."
Cai: "I didn't want to get it dirty. I still have to go into the garden."
Hamnah: "Of course. Well, we won't keep you. Aspen themself also needs to get ready, as you can see."
Cai: "I also didn't want to get it dirty. Come on."
Hamnah: "Smart," and Eira will take Aspen by the hand, interlocking their fingers, and will gently pull them up the stairs, kind of walking around Theo and giving him like a wide enough space to head over towards the garden.
Cai: Theo turns down the long hallway full of photographs that hang from- people from all of the life of this house. Some on Polaroids, some printed, some framed, just sort of posted all around. On the end, near the kitchen door, is a shelf with an old Polaroid camera, clearly the source of many of the photos hung on this wall; two disposable cameras sat there that don't normally live there, but today is a special day; and a recent edition, an instant Fujifilm mini-camera that also has replaced the Polaroid. And Theo goes down the hallway and into the kitchen to go into the garden, but Aspen, without looking back at Eira, ascends the stairs, knowing who's behind them.
Cai: The kitchen is a sacred place in this home. It is the place where love has come from every day, at least three times a day, and in there, we find someone else. Dione, who are you? What do you look like, and who taught you to cook this?
Gwen: Dione is a 5'9" woman with a pear-shaped body, with the physique of someone who doesn't work out, but doesn't stop moving. She has big, crimson, voluminous coils that are tied up by an emerald green scarf to keep out of her eyes while she's in the kitchen. She's sweating just a little bit and running down the deep hazelnut skin on her brow. She holds in her hand a kitchen knife, a Santoku kitchen knife specifically with a Western, curved handle made of turquoise. She brings, with her other hand, a spoon up to her lips that are not yet painted for the occasion, and allows them to burn as the chiltepin peppers that are specifically added to appease Pascal's spice taste to the shrimp étouffée that she has been managing. It's almost done. It just needs the cream.
Gwen: And she stops for a moment, turns her golden eyes that normally would be an indication of warmth, but it would be a bit of a mockery to the sun to say that the gaze isn't a little cold. And she looks over the spread of what has already been made almost exclusively by her. She thanks herself silently that the tres leches was made ahead of time. The appetizers as we have it, the finger foods have all been put out. The main courses, of course, she is working on. And she takes a moment to take the ladle and skim the scum off of the top of the sancocho that she has specifically made with beef, otherwise she wouldn't be able to eat it.
Gwen: There is a determination, as she takes off her black kitchen gloves and tosses them into one of two wastebins. One for actual waste, the other for the compost, of course. And sort of wipes the sweat off on her red apron that is covered over her- well, the thing that she normally wears for work, which is her chef's uniform. It probably wasn't a good idea to actually wear the dress she was going to wear while she was in the kitchen, given how much needed to be made, and she has been making everything since this morning. But it's okay. She didn't go to sleep anyway, so she had plenty time to prep. After all, it was a special day. She leans back on the kitchen table for just a moment and rolls up her sleeve, revealing just a small portion of an eight-foot long tattoo of a black mamba that curls all around her body. There's just a peak of scales as the forearms are revealed and she sighs in a bit of exhaustion.
Cai: The apron by the door, hung on the same hanger it's been on since forever, lovingly hung there every day after a good meal was made, seems to stare back at you. Laurie's apron, set in its place of proper veneration, never moved since she was gone. It hangs just beneath a tea cabinet that is full of an assortment of loose-leaf teas that seem to always be replenished, and that wall goes- it wraps around towards the door to the outside. This kitchen is warm. It's full of light. Today, it's also completely full of food, but in here, hands have made more meals than maybe you've even served.
Cai: The swinging door from the front hallway opens slowly. You recognize the pacing of the steps, the sound of the door swinging. Without even looking, you can tell that it is Theo
"Dione! All this food, it smells delicious."
Gwen: Dione straightens herself knowing that Theo- dear, dear Theo is not actually addressing her. As she straightens herself up, her shoulders straighten out a bit. She is almost a few inches taller than she normally is. The apron fills in almost a different way, as if frame has completely changed, and the peak of coils around her arms dissipate into feathers. And Dione, as the person she learned this recipe from, not directly, Dione as Laurie says, "It's your special day. Of course. I can only do the best, but the best is everything I do, so you're in luck."
Cai: "You're a wonder in this kitchen. Always have been."
Gwen: "Well, it's home, isn't it?"
Cai: "It is. It is. Though, don't let us keep you here. You know, like your sister, you deserve to go and see the world if you want to."
Gwen: And there's a slight deflation for a moment. The shoulders fall back down and there is a movement of feathers to scales. Flash in Dione's golden eyes. "I'm sorry that she's not here, Theia. Um, she- she wanted to be." Completely ignoring the question or the- the notion. The gesture.
Cai: "She sent her regards. But I'm glad that you're here to represent your family. It means a lot to us."
Gwen: Dione nods. Just for a moment, her crimson curls looking almost golden like her mother's. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
Cai: "Don't let us forget to pay you for all of this time, too. Don't think you're getting away without it."
Gwen: "I- Most of these ingre- Theo, most of these I just took from the kitchen and it's not something that you need to worry about. You worry about-"
Cai: "Ah, ah, ah! I will not hear it. Not today."
Gwen: And another softness falls over Dione again. But again growing taller, Dione as Laurie says, "Of course."
Cai: With a satisfied smile, Theo begins to potter his way through the kitchen to the back door, a route that he takes at least three times a day. As much as he says he has to go into the garden, you all know he could spend the whole day there, but today of all days, he's not allowed to. He has too many other things to do. And just as he slips out the door and you can hear the familiar sound of the latch closing, a much more thunderous set of steps follow into the kitchen. These also very familiar, as shortly behind Theo is a mostly dressed for the event, tall Pascal.
Cai: Pascal is a well-tailored man with rich, dark skin and a smile big enough to brighten the room. His shoulders have rounded with age, but it makes him no less formidable when he stands up tall like he's addressing a judge. Today, he's in midnight blue tuxedo pants with velvet embroidered loafers. His tuxedo shirt is still unbuttoned a little, and his tie and beautiful brocade jacket are nowhere to be seen yet. He holds in his hand his wallet and his phone in the other.
"Dione, have you seen Theo?"
Gwen: "Just that way."
Cai: "Wonderful. Um, the food, has it- It all looks delicious. It smells delicious. Can I get you something for it? Do you need anything?"
Gwen: "Actually-" And Dione turns for a moment, once again taking the spoon into the- probably one of the spiciest things she's ever made, and pulls it around. "Taste."
Cai: He leans in to taste and we follow Theo down the stairs. Out in the garden, the chairs are in the final moments of being set up. There are a few guests mulling about, but for the most part, the wedding is still a ways away and at this point, there's about ten minutes until the florist arrives. Deen, who are you? What do you look like, and what repair to the house is next on your to-do list?
Amir/Nada: Deen is currently leaning over the last of the chairs in the last of the rows, like gripping the edges, trying to maintain an even breath, but in the way where it is very clear that someone is out of breath, so they have to hold it in and wait for the lungs to catch up. And even when they stand, it's not actually clear if they are 5'11" or if their posture ages them in a way where it might just shrink forever, or they could be not even standing up straight at all. They are very front-leaning in that their shoulders are rounded. They have a mean forward head tilt and most everything about them is brown. They have dark brown eyes, dark brown hair that is very tightly cropped, shaved with a tight fade. Thick dark brown brows, disconnected goatee, dark brown arms. Dark brown arm hair, and basically anywhere else where you could feasibly imagine someone having body hair, they have it.
Amir/Nada: Even though they don't look like they're dressed up fully for the occasion because they are in work clothes right now with a jacket on, which is just plain corduroy, but under it, there is like a peak of a mint green thobe with golden accents down the middle that's tucked into what appear to be silk pants. But there are work pants hoisted over it because they're in the garden and they need to... There are two things that have been itching in the back of their head and it's that somebody brought too many extension cords and plugged them into each other, and rather than having the time to go and figure out who that was, they need to get a longer extension cord after the chairs. But of course, they also wanted to drain the aquarium, so they don't know which one to follow up with first: either the cables or the aquarium. But the chairs are done and the- the appearance of the first moments of a wedding are basically done, and that is what they are basically looking out into, as I don't think there is a podium, but they're looking out into the rows of the chairs and the garden, which in it's not fully started upstate, they look wistfully.
Cai: As Deen looks wistfully at the garden, the primary custodian of the garden emerges from the house. He should be more ready than he is, but he has to do this. There is a dogwood tree sapling that needs tending. The mint still needs a little bit more water. It's been combating some aphids. There's thyme and poppies that all require such intimate care and he refuses to let them go a few hours without his direct attention. He turns, "Hi, Deen," as he continues down, going past you, not even taking in the full spectacle yet, like perhaps seeing it makes it too current, too present for him. And he goes towards the garden, which is along one of the fence walls of the backyard.
Amir/Nada: Which pings as strange to Deen because normally, there is at least an acknowledgement of effort that goes with every single thing that Deen has ever done in this house. Even though this is supposed to be their special day, they ping this and wordlessly, they just hop over in step behind, on the way to the garden as well with Theo.
Cai: Before you follow Theo too far, shortly behind him, still wiping a little bit of something off of his lip is Pascal. "Oh! Dee! Just the person I was looking for."
Amir/Nada: Stops immediately.
Cai: "This looks great. Um... Few things. One. The florist is going to be here in about-" and he checks his phone. "Uh, six minutes. Can you give this to him?" And he just holds out a thick stack of money.
Amir/Nada: Yeah, and Deen takes it. There is a continuous tremble in the hand that to everyone doesn't indicate any abnormalities or stress, but they haven't had time to eat this morning, and they take... They take the money dutifully.
Cai: "Thank you. I still have to get him dressed and there's still more people arriving and I need them to come back here and not go through the house every single time. Is there anything I can do to make your, ah, last touches better? Get you anything? Send someone on errand? Anything like that?"
Amir/Nada: They shake their head. "No. No. No, that's- that's my job. You two shouldn't be doing this is what I- is what I was planning to say because things are about to start and everything is going to be okay." And they look at Pascal with the full stark sincerity on their face.
Cai: "You're right. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be great," And he looks over the chairs. They're perfectly set out. You do not fail at the tasks that you are given. You do them until you don't eat, until you don't sleep, until you're aching. But he does have a genuine gratitude on his face as he smiles over the whole situation. There's carpet laid out so that people aren't walking in the muddy backyard and hopefully, it doesn't horribly disrupt the little bit of lower grasses and things that grow back there. And at the end of the aisle, which faces the house, so you are all walking from the house down the aisle towards the front, is a tripod set out. One that is a feature of the backyard. It often lives in the small shed when it's not being used. That has been here forever, but it's set out and ready to take photos of the big moment when it actually happens.
"Right. I should, um... Theo!" And he just turns and starts to follow his soon-to-be, in hopefully less than a few hours, husband to try and rope him to get him to go upstairs, which will also take time because he still has to climb every single step carefully to get dressed. To finally put these rings that are burning a hot hole in Pascal's pocket on their fingers. And behind every thank you, every offer, every motion that he gives you, Deen, Pascal is so nervous.
Amir/Nada: Who wouldn't be? Like, that is the- the most that Deen was expecting from that, as they fumbled to get the stack of money under multiple layers of clothes to the correct pocket. And they're wearing boots, and the boots sort of like almost sink into the ground a little, as there is a diverging path of things that need to be done. And they decide that the extension cables are probably the most imperative thing that need to be fixed, and the aquarium doesn't have organisms in it, so that can wait. And they walk past the somewhat magical looking wedding setup with what people don't comment on, but is a bit of a noticeable limp as if they aren't really- if they aren't in motion, then they're often leaning on the left leg. But they have adapted it into their gait, so that it is just onto the next checklist of things and it- it doesn't matter if they get it done because the wedding's on. The wedding's on and the last thing those two need to be doing right now is sitting in the garden while everyone else is almost dressed. As the time starts ticking down, I think they start to feel it.
Cai: The guests begin to arrive. It is not hard to hear them even from the third floor, Eira. And Aspen, while they have been a little bit excited to, quote unquote, help you finish getting ready, they have also been running around and actually working and trying to do everything that they can to be the best Best Man because they've never done this before. In fact, no one involved in this situation has ever done this before. They don't have a wedding planner. Neither of them- neither of the grooms have ever been married and Aspen has never known anyone that doesn't just have a civil service from City Hall. So, they are anxious to say the least. But they are an organizer and so, they are splitting their time between investigating what you're wearing, actually getting dressed, and running around the house trying to do odd jobs, finish things, button things up, make sure things are clean, sorted, moved. And as they are running around, barking orders, you hear the door open and people from all over, the neighbours, people from downtown, people from out of town, all have been arriving and walking through. And you hear just the commotion of everything beginning.
Cai: Dione, there are people walking through your kitchen. They theoretically have been told to use the other door and go out around along the side yard, but they still keep coming through your kitchen. And as the throng of people begin to march through the house, also Deen, you have to get to the front door. The flowers are going to be delivered to the front of the house. As the last of the first, second, third wave of guests leave the house and start to go into the backyard to mull about, Deen, it's time. You enter the house. Which door do you use?
Amir/Nada: The back door to go to the front.
Cai: Yes.
Amir/Nada: But they wanted so badly to get that previous thing done, so that they wouldn't be disappearing during this very important event to do work that nobody was going to see or notice. But they didn't find the cables and they know that the florist is going to come in less than three minutes, so they just go down the main hall to the front.
Cai: Where you enter the kitchen and there's Dione.
Gwen: Only slightly irritated that everybody used the wrong way to go. It's fine. Everything's almost done and she needs to get dressed. And as Deen enters, she stops herself. "Deen! I know- I know you're busy, but- but-"
Amir/Nada: "But."
Gwen: "Are you okay? Do you need help?"
Amir/Nada: Ah, they- they were mid-motion and stop at the very start of your words and then it appears as if they like stop again at the question. And there's a bit of a thousand yard stare before they grip the nearest maybe probably a kitchen counter, as they lean forward to probably get- get like the- the wave of sense coming in to maybe distract themselves from the question that you just asked and they say, "Yeah, this is- it's almost over like just setting things up. I imagine you're in a similar state. Uh, this wasn't here when I went to bed last night."
Gwen: "Right. Yeah... If I could have done that, I would have done that, but might as well use my time."
Amir/Nada: "Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I- Yeah, I- I- I wasn't trying to say that this was like rushed. That's nobody's fault, really. Um, but I just need the- the florist. The florist is coming, but everyone's coming and they're- they're like, they're being a little inefficient."
Gwen: "Hey."
Amir/Nada: "It'll be okay," They- they stutter at the last word as you say that.
Gwen: "I'm going to put some chairs in front of the door, so the people will use the other way. You," and she goes, she takes a small paper plate. Dumplings, carrots, other vegetables, orange slices. Hands it to you. "I need to go get dressed. Hopefully nobody will come through here again."
Amir/Nada: "I think- I will- I hope everyone is smart enough- Uh, I'll put- I'll put the chair behind me. And I'm going to take this to the front door, if it's okay?" And then they like make a motion as if they want to like hold you by the shoulders, but then restrain themmself a bit. "Thank you. Uh... Yeah. It- this- I can also help you set them- Oh, fuck! The tables- there- they-" They say that loudly and a bit out of character.
Gwen: "Hey, hey. We'll get together when this is done. It's okay. We are on-we're on a good schedule," As the scales turn into a crest of feathers and Dione's hair seems to almost darken like her sister's. "We're okay."
Cai: And you and you hear the doorbell ring.
Amir/Nada: "Ah... Right. We're on Theo's time, so... Uh, I'll get that. That should be for me." They take the plate as if it's like a balancing act, even though they're holding it with two hands. It shouldn't look like a balancing act, but it is. And they- they get like, they turn around and look over their shoulders like, "I am dressed, so I might be more prepared than I look like."
Gwen: "I know you are. I'll- I'll be upstairs."
Amir/Nada: "Okay. Okay."
Cai: As you two awkwardly head in the same direction. The florist is at the front door and this guy has a wreath and three large industrial buckets full of flowers and Deen, A) this guy needs to get paid, but B) it is very clear that he is here to drop them off, not place them. So, these buckets are for you. And Dione, you see the quantity of flowers and you know someone who will happily and could easily move them.
Gwen: "You know what? I will be right back with Eira. How about that?"
Amir/Nada: "Thank you!" They- they look like their hands are full and that is like the thing that is keeping them sort of rooted in place. And then like, they find probably- they probably put the paper plate on the floor next to everything, and then rustle around for the money like, yes. And there is a sense between the both of us probably that the list of things that Deen just said that they had to do is going to extend and extend and extend. They hand- they hand the- the money to the florist without looking at it.
Cai: He takes the money and while he is looking at you, you can feel the aquarium in that front room staring back at you, needing to have the water changed. You can hear the filter glugging a little bit, the moss beginning to kind of overgrow because it does need to get the water retreated again, but! That can wait. No one is supposed to go in the common room until tonight.
Cai: Dione, you retrieve Eira. Eira, how hard was it to retrieve you?
Hamnah: Dione came upon the third floor bedrooms and found a room with the door closed. And when you arrived and probably knocked to make yourself known, you could hear from inside of the room a sort of shuffling occurring and very quick, clipped, "We'll be right there. Ah, just- just one second. Just getting dressed." And you can hear like, scrambling and- and like footsteps, as what sounds like two people inside- is starting to sort of like run around. And after some time, Eira opens the door and what you see is they are no longer wearing their jacket, and their dress shirt is not properly buttoned, and they have their sleeves rolled up. And with their sleeves rolled up, you can see that along their forearms, there are these tattoos of pine trees that, if you look close enough, obscure self-harm scars along their forearms. And their hair is undone at this point, the- out of the ponytail, and they open the door slightly out of breath like they have just been running a marathon or something in there.
"Hey, Chef. Uh, what's up?"
Gwen: You see the look on a person's face whose patience was snapped and then dropped, as she takes in all of Eira and there's a pause. Not a stuttering, not a fluttering, but a pause. And a loud heartbeat before that patience snaps again.
"Ah, Eira. Do you know what time it is?"
Hamnah: "Uh- Um, probably like, I assume almost time for the wedding to start. Though, we still have- we still have some time, right?"
Gwen: "Uh, you don't. I need you downstairs helping Deen with the flowers."
Hamnah: "Oh! I was just helping Aspen with Best Man stuff," And Eira-
Gwen: "I know."
Hamnah: "Right. Yeah, no worries. Don't worry about it. Just give me a couple minutes to..." And I think Eira like opens the door completely, revealing Aspen in whatever state they are in inside of the room, presumably having enough time to compose themself, and sort of like walks back in. And you can see that the nightlight that is plugged into one of the outlets is turned on, and it has bathed the room in this like very light red light, despite it being presumably like the afternoon I assume, and has kind of like bathed the room in this red light. And Eira walks back and starts like fixing up their shirt and tying their hair back into a ponytail by the bed as they look back at you and say, "Uh, so, you said help Deen with the flowers. Is there anything else? Do you need help in the- with food or the kitchen or...?"
Gwen: Dione, again, there's a level of patience that falls for a moment, noticing the childhood nightlight being used for the purposes that she knows it's being used for. But then she shakes off very quickly, luckily for Dione, the hinge of poorly timed jealousy in her voice. "That's all for now. Just do that. Get ready. Um, I need to get dressed."
Hamnah: "No problem. Room's all yours."
Cai: "Not just yet!" And Aspen has put their pants on. They're fishing a belt through the loops and they're just wearing like a tank top undershirt that isn't even tucked in all the way to the pants correctly. They're working on it.
Gwen: "Sure. Um, good to see you, Aspen. You didn't come by the kitchen when you came in."
Cai: "I didn't want to be a pest. Hi, Dione."
Gwen: "Thank you."
Hamnah: Eira will, as Aspen is getting dressed, will just quickly lean over and give Aspen a kiss on the forehead. "I will go and save Deen from the flowers," and is going to head out, leaving their jacket on the bed, completely forgetting it, and will go down and rush over to find Deen with these intense amount of flowers.
Cai: Yes. The florist has left. It is just Deen and a hallway of flowers.
Hamnah: Yeah, in what state does Eira find Deen with these flowers?
Amir/Nada: Um, they- they never balk at jobs that are this big, but it is very clear that the- the grips of these buckets mean that they're only able to take what looks to be like one- let's say like a gallon- a big gallon bucket worth of flowers at a time in one hand, so it is... They're also walking very deliberately and slowly, not unlike the way that Theo walks, but still able to open the doors and such, but emotionally, it's- it is dissociative. It is blank. It is bad. That is the- that is the phase of overwork in which Deen is trying to repeat the mantras that have been going on for the day, but people are already here. Flowers just got here. So... They- the wreath is on the ground also. They haven't been able to pick that up.
Hamnah: Eira coming upon this and seeing that Deen is very obviously showing signs of like struggling and pushing themself too far, which is a sight that Eira is all too familiar with and can see when Deen is perhaps on the precipice of pushing too far and into collapse, Eira will I think start to rush down the stairs when they see this. "Hey, hey, hey! Slow down." And Eira is going to put their very strong, calloused hands over Deen's and I think just take the bucket that they have, and take it into their own hands. And I think you can see that like Eira relieves Deen of this pressure and then stands there, sort of juggling this bucket in their hands. "You could have asked for help, you know, earlier."
Amir/Nada: Deen does jump at the touch, as they're prone to do, but they relax at the voice and then adjust to the touch with a few seconds, as they sigh, not fully having turned to you yet, and look over their shoulder, like... "I- I have been keeping tabs. I couldn't find you and I'm not about- I'm not about to disturb the two people that shouldn't be working." And then there is a pause in their voice, as you can clock that Aspen was probably also physically able to help out, but Deen was not going to ask them for help, so they sort of grit their teeth about it instead. And they sort of like slide the handles of one bucket from their arm and into yours without actually holding your hand, and sort of shake their whole body. "Here to save me. That's... Thank you. I... Yeah, clearly, um-"
Cai: Deen, you are interrupted by the sound of very frantic footsteps running down the stairs. Aspen is coming bounding down, almost ready to barrel into both of you until they hard stop at the door and with kind of a wild look in their eyes, turn. "Where's the dog? Oh shit." And they run into the backyard.
Amir/Nada: "I haven't seen a dog." And they're not saying that to anybody. They're just like, another- it is like the sound of another thing being written down. That's how rote it is.
Hamnah: "I'm sure that they'll find them. Uh, come on. Who decided that we were going to have a wreath at this wedding? I mean, isn't it kind of tacky enough?"
Amir/Nada: They- their eyes kind of soften. "I don't know. It's- it's kind of whimsical in a way that, you know, we don't often get to indulge in. Like, you're so serious and monochrome all the time." Sort of look at you.
Hamnah: "I guess I just was envisioning our whimsy being in a different kind of event, different kind of celebration, you know? Didn't really see this happening."
Amir/Nada: "That's- yeah, um... I- it- I- it is a community event. I want to imagine that one of them really wanted this moment at least once in their life, so..."
Cai: Another group of guests begins to ascend the front stair.
Hamnah: "Whoa! Okay! Come on." And I think Eira is going to like shuffle along, taking Deen with them into the backyard where presumably these flowers need to go-
Amir/Nada: Yeah.
Hamnah: And is going to start setting the buckets down, I think like near the- We are going to go through the kitchen because it is the fastest way to get to the backyard. Sorry, Dione. And I think we're going to set the buckets down just outside of the kitchen door, in the backyard, and then start taking the flowers and arranging them as needed around the chairs-
Amir/Nada: Yeah.
Hamnah: and where the actual like reception is happening-
Amir/Nada: Down the aisle a little.
Hamnah: And all the while, Eira is staying very close, I think, to Deen, trying to prevent Deen from taking on too much of the work themself.
Amir/Nada: Yeah.
Cai: Eira, as you set down the buckets and begin to work, there's a lingering smell. You did shower when you left work, right? You didn't bring smoke with you?
Hamnah: Uh, yeah, I definitely would have- would have showered after work.
Cai: Maybe Dione overcooked something. Maybe it was a searing smell. There's a smoky quality to the air that you can't place. You don't see smoke. There's nothing to be alarmed about, right?
Hamnah: "Uh, hey, Deen, uh, you've got the rest of this, right? We're pretty much almost done. I just want to check something real quick."
Amir/Nada: They laugh kind of weakly at that like, as if you were going to save them and now it's like the ball- the other shoe has dropped. "Uh... It'll just- I'm just going to take it a little slowly. Are you ok?"
Hamnah: "Yeah, I just, uh... Do you smell that?"
Amir/Nada: Deen makes the attempt. Do they smell anything?
Cai: I don't think so. It is kind of a smoky day, but it could be anything. It doesn't really smell like anything is on fire near you right now.
Amir/Nada: Yeah, and they're probably caught up with their own like, overwork in that- and the smells that brings, so they shake their head. "No, but obviously, you're you, so I, uh, I trust if something's wrong. You can-"
Hamnah: "Cool. Thanks." And Eira's just going to turn around and like, not like run back into the house, but with purpose is going to quickly walk back into the house, following their nose, their very well-trained nose for this smell of smoke, which is a smell that Eira is very familiar with. The cloying smells of all of their jobs. This acrid, harsh, sulfuric smell, one that often clings onto their own body itself, one that they are so, so familiar with. They try and follow to find its source, if any, inside of the house.
Cai: As you look around, time passes. Deen, the backyard is bustling. It took an age to get all those flowers out, but you did it. It's good enough. The heart-shaped wreath near the front to frame the inevitable photo of the two soon-to-be husbands is perfect. It's a bit saccharine, but it's wonderful. What do you feel, deep in your soul, when the building sparks?
Amir/Nada: It is a psychological sensation that comes when you have a chest pain that is recurring in your body, and it's on and off to the point where you have to ignore it because you are in the middle of driving and you can't put the wheel down, or you haven't done anything warranting it, so you decide to sleep it off. But that brush with mortality and the sense that the heart is keeping you here. It's- it's always going on when you're unconscious, when you're asleep, when you're underwater, when you're about to die. It's always beating and there is a throbbing right above- Their heart's on their left side, and there's a throbbing, something like a vein, something like an artery. They didn't know what it was then and they don't know what it is now, but they stop.
Cai: The kitchen is empty. Finally. The food has been set out. There are reception things set out in the common room. Dione is there. Dione is upstairs. Dione is in the backyard. Dione is at home, in the childhood home she grew up in. She's at a train station. She is at work. Dione, what scent sticks with you, as you smell burning that isn't yours, that isn't food, that isn't what it should be?
Gwen: Burning's a funny smell for Dione. She smelt it a handful of times when she was just learning. And it really did stick with her because she doesn't make a lot of mistakes anymore. And there's-at that scent, for once, in a long time, there is a hint of doubt. Maybe she did make a mistake. That quickly expands, as the smell is something that she doesn't recognize. This is not burning food. This is the smell of something dying. This is the smell of something that, in the small list of doses, almost brings her comfort now that she's smelt it on Eira. But not- not when there's this much. Not when it's filling the air, the lungs of everyone around her. Nothing could prepare her for having this smell be a new memory of burning for her.
Cai: The backyard is beautiful, and people are enjoying your food, and something is burning. Eira, you looked. You walked up and down the whole house. It must just be that permanent lingering smell of smoke from you and Aspen and everyone who's walked through here with a lighter, with a fire, with something burning deep inside of them. What ritual do you perform before you hear an explosion?
Hamnah: Eira puts on their turnout gear the same way every single time. First the left, then the right. On their pants, on their jacket, on their boots. They redo the velcro on each and every pocket. First the left on the bottom, then the right on the bottom, moving up on their jacket before finally putting on their helmet and walking inside.
Cai: The third floor is a wonderful place to put on your turnout that you left upstairs, your jacket for a special day.
Cai: The fire emerges in the hallway under the stair railing on the first floor. The first to burn is the photo wall. It peels away the outermost layer, superheats the silver salts that rupture and pop, as fond memories and familiar faces vanish. The smell is toxic and choking, and rises quickly up the staircase. The flames wrap around the swinging kitchen door, swallowing two cameras that remain on the shelf, and snaking onto the apron that hangs just inside. It catches the cabinet above where assorted tea catches like kindling. It's dry and seems to breathe quickened life into the spread of the flame and it jumps through the kitchen faster. It seems to only take seconds for the cabinets above the counter to lose structure, causing one of the shelves laden with dishes to succumb above the sink. Cups tip off the burning shelf onto a Santoku knife with a Western handle left carefully to dry, sending it flying across the kitchen to stick in a wall, cutting free an already ignored and ignited apron, and it falls into the flames.
Cai: Fire spreads across the first floor, beginning to bloom at the ceiling and climb up the staircase like a chimney. In the common room, the chairs, tables, and old hardwood floors dance with blues, reds, oranges, and yellows, as the fire consumes the furniture. It catches the cabinet beneath the aquarium, still mossy, causing it to list before crashing down into the entry hallway. The glass shatters. Water spreads, quickly extinguishing some of the fire for a moment before the plants, moss, and other contents ignite and sizzle. There is glass mixed with the ash and the fire.
Cai: Outside, guests flee backwards, but one person runs forward: Pascal. "Aspen and Eira are still in there!" He pulls off his well-fitted brocade jacket, as he charges down the aisle, but crashes into the tripod set out to take photos, getting his jacket caught in it, impeding him from moving, as his arm is tangled in it and two rings fall out of his pocket. It slows him enough that when he- when the gasline breaks, he's still ten paces back from the kitchen wall.
Cai: Dione, what dish will never be the same again?
Gwen: There is only one dish that needed to keep that gas stove going and that was the sancocho.
Cai: The fireball bursts from the windows and the basement doors blast open, sending the multitool that had been left resting nearby flying across the yard and over the old storage garage, perhaps finally lost for good. Deen, without that tool, what won't be fixed?
Amir/Nada: I don't think Deen actually knows the answer to that question. I think there is a feeling where a more eloquent person would have a metaphor at hand, but sometimes it's not enough because some things just aren't like other things, so... They are feeling something they've never felt before.
Cai: Upstairs, Aspen pulls at the sleeve button on their shirt, the orange glow of a nightlight dancing across the wall. It shifts slowly over time, so it isn't unusual when the wall, the floor, things around the doorway begin to glow orange. They've been struggling with the button for what seems like an hour. It's been about fifteen seconds, but in that fifteen seconds, Eira, that smell of smoke comes rushing into the room. It's gotten a harsher edge to it than before, and a sense comes over you like a chill of ice water. Fire. Eira, Laurie's House is burning. What actions do you take and what burns away as you escape?
Hamnah: Eira's entire countenance changes as they realize that the house is burning. Any anxiety, any concern that they had earlier, that might have been found in the little movements of their eyes and the ways that they held themself wash away as Eira takes on this very firm, grounded posture and rushes into the house, knowing that Aspen is still in there. Eira rushes upstairs, not having the things that they need in order to stop this catastrophe, but having exactly what they need to prevent damage and that's themself. They are all that is needed to save Aspen, to save maybe even the house. And Eira rushes upstairs, turning very quickly along the corner- corners of the hallways and of the rooms and bursts into the room, the third floor bedroom where they can see that macramé decoration that Aspen had made hanging up just above the bed, starting to burn up at the edges. And as they find Aspen inside the room, wordlessly, almost as if it is practiced and rehearsed, they grab Aspen by the waist and they open the window to the third floor bedroom.
Cai: You open the window and Aspen pushes away. "We have to- Where are we going? What are- Downstairs. We have to go down the stairs."
Hamnah: "We can't go down the stairs. Everything's burning up. Trust me."
Cai: "Okay." Aspen pushes off, this time not to run downstairs. They go. They grab that climbing rope that they arrived with, the one hanging off of their backpack. They tie it to the bed. "Now we go." And they have fantasized about fast roping out of this window hundreds of times, their climbing spirit saying, 'I can jump out this window. I can get down.' But this isn't a moment for action movies.
Cai: The window is locked shut. It has been for years. There's no screens on it and unfortunately, the sash window itself has broken a long time ago. So, to open it, what do you do, Eira?
Hamnah: Eira takes the cane that is sitting in the corner of the room, as they scan around the room and find nothing else that would be hard enough, strong enough. They instruct Aspen to step back, and with one swift, decisive, strong movement, they bang the edge of the cane against the glass of the window once, twice, as many times as it takes in order to burst that glass right open.
Cai: This cane, no one really remembers where it came from. It sort of loiters around the third floor, the second floor, sometimes on the first floor, but very often, it winds itself back up on the third floor. It's old and loved and it splinters in your hand. You hold splinters, as you try and break open this window.
Hamnah: Eira, holding splinters in their hands, they look down at them and still with their sleeves rolled up, the pine trees along their arms almost start to elongate as if they are looking to connect with those splinters. And with that, Eira throws the remnants of the cane down onto the ground and takes a step back. Takes two steps back, and rushes towards that window, taking their bare hands and using them to try and break through this glass because there is- There is no world in which Eira cannot save somebody from a fire and Aspen will not succumb here.
Cai: Aspen, who is coughing, watches you, as finally, not the cane, you, Eira, break the window. Your hands are bloodied, the wedding clothes, the wedding, are ruined, but you break the window and very quickly after, Aspen throws the rope down.
Hamnah: Eira instructs Aspen to go first. "Tie it around yourself and go slowly, okay?"
Cai: "I know how to do this part." And they count to themselves, "Three, two, one." And they slowly begin to lower themself, very practiced, down one hand over the other, carefully. And you hear it. The fire. The macramé has caught the bed that the rope is attached to. The rope can only sustain so long and when there's ten feet left to the roof of the patio, you hear it break. Aspen falls onto the tar paper roof. They groan. They roll over and everyone on the street sees them right themselves and slowly move to climb down, but keeps looking up at you, Eira.
Hamnah: Eira has a moment, standing in the third floor bedroom of Laurie's House, as Laurie dies around them. This woman that they had never met, but somehow is larger than themself, larger than this house, is the community itself, and they know- they know that they cannot let her die. Because if she dies, then everyone else out there dies with her. So, there is a moment on this third floor bedroom that Eira thinks to themself that they have to do something. They have to save this house. They have to save Laurie. They have to save everyone, but they look around and they are no- They don't have their turnout gear. They don't have a hose. They don't have a ladder. They don't have anything but themself and this house and the ritual that they forgot to do this morning. And so, choking on the smoke as it starts to rise in this room, realizing that they have failed... They have failed. Eira turns around and follows Aspen, but being unable to do so through the door, rushes through the rest of the house, trying to find any semblance of structure that is left to allow themselves to climb down onto the main floor and out of the house.
Cai: You know how to run through a fire. Not unscathed, but you cross the third floor to the back patio. You unhook and drop the fire ladder that is back there. That was perilous. You are singed. Part of your hair has burnt, but you get out. You all stand in the street and watch. The fire department, your fire station, Eira, arrives a moment after you find a way out. But it is too late. 1471 Thomas Sloan Avenue, Laurie's House, is gone.