Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
You’re tired.
Not just physically; though yeah, that too.
You’re tired in your bones. In your soul.
Trying to be a steady husband, an intentional dad, a man of God… but deep down, you feel like you’re falling short. Like you’re carrying more than you know how to hold.
Dad Tired is a podcast for men who are ready to stop pretending and start healing.
Not with self-help tips or religious platitudes, but by anchoring their lives in something (and Someone) stronger.
Hosted by Jerrad Lopes, a husband, dad of four, and fellow struggler, this show is a weekly invitation to find rest for your soul, clarity for your calling, and the courage to lead your family well.
Through honest stories, biblical truth, and deep conversations you’ll be reminded:
You’re not alone. You’re not too far gone. And the man you want to be is only found in Jesus.
This isn’t about trying harder.
It’s about coming home.
Hey guys. Before we jump into today's episode, I wanna thank my friends over at Samaritan's Purse for sponsoring today's episode. Samaritan's Purse does something called Operation Christmas Child, which has been reaching millions of children each year with the good news of Jesus Christ through simple shoebox gifts.
Since 1993, more than 290 million children and over 170 different countries and territories have received a shoebox gift. It's absolutely incredible. Anyone can pack a shoebox gift and help send joy to a child in need. With Operation Christmas Child, you can pack a shoebox and fill it with fun toys and school supplies or personal care items, and then you bring it to a drop off location during National Collection Week, which is November 13th through the 20th.
Or you can even build a shoebox online, which is really, really helpful and cool. The good news of Jesus Christ is shared alongside of your gift, and each child is invited to join a discipleship program. You can learn how to pack a shoebox. You can view gift suggestions and find the nearest drop off location near you by visiting samaritans purse.org/occ.
Again, that's Samaritan's Purse. Org slash occ
man. Do you know that saying everything he touches or that person touches, turns to gold? I've been experiencing the exact opposite of that for roughly six months to a year. It feels like everything that can go wrong will go wrong, and we're just kind of in the middle of college football season here in the south, and I, and I feel like.
An offense outer rhythm that you just can't do anything right? And there's this place of insecurity that starts to rise when you feel and sense failure and don't quite have the solutions or the strategy to. To dig my way out of it, but in the middle of the season where I'm honestly kind of wrestling with some insecurities that are coming to the surface, I had this moment last week where I was laying in bed and I'm reading a book, kind of a development book, strategy book, and my daughter comes and lays down next to me and she starts to cry.
And you know, somebody hurt her feelings that day and. You know, in those moments it feels like, man, that's not that big of a deal. You gotta suck it up. But I'm reminded of that kind of meme where, you know, someone's shouting at God, why are you putting me through this? And, and God responds, it's just an email.
And I, I get that man, like one email can spiral me. And my daughter was just spiraled and she was crying, laying in bed and she said, dad, I've had a rough couple days. And she said, I think I just need to spend some more time with Jesus. Everything in me is like jumping for joy as I kind of like process this moment in my life and in my parenting, I realized that in this season of insecurity, frailty, weakness that I'm kind of living in, there is a sense in which.
I've modeled for my daughter that when you're struggling, you turn to the secret place to be with Jesus. That, that the source of strength is not in gritting down and arguing or building a case against someone. But the, the source of, of life, the source of, of real peace and joy is by saying, I've just gotta get alone with Jesus.
And so many times in this season, the last six months to a year, I'll say to my wife, man, I just. I need to get away for a couple days and just be with the Lord and to hear my kids parrot that back to me was one of the greatest successes in the season. That feels like just total failure, man. And so I've been thinking and pondering a lot on the Apostle Paul's words.
When he says, um, you remember he had this thorn in the flesh that was given to him so that he wouldn't become conceited because of these great revelations he had had and he prayed earnestly three times that God would remove this thorn in the flesh. You know, the kinda sincere earnest prayer and three times God denies his request and says to him, in your weakness, my strength is made.
Perfect. Second Corinthians 12 verse nine. I've been rolling that line around in my weakness. His strength is made perfect in modern leadership in the idea of what it means to be responsible and to lead well. We are taught as men that we need to be. Competent and to project confidence to project strategy and wisdom.
Fake it till you make it. If you don't have confidence, just keep pretending. And in my own, my ministerial leadership, there are times where there's just a weird pressure to stand before a group of people and to project. I've got it all together and I see where we're going, and I have perfect strategy. I just think that.
In biblical leadership, we have to model. Not I am competent, but I am leaning right now on the competent one. So as I'm struggling with insecurity, I want my kids to see my lean, that I'm leaning into the word, leaning into the word, leaning into community, my own discipleship, and I'm leaning on the one who is able, I am not projecting that I, in myself have all the solutions and the final authority.
The personal discipline and strength to accomplish every task at hand. But in my weakness, in my failure and in my frailty, my entire life is leaning on the spirit is allowing my weakness to be a platform, a vacuum, which God's strength and power can fill. And so I wanted to share just a few thoughts about parenting like my.
Kind of that flowed out of this moment where my daughter says I need more time with Jesus. The, the kind of win that I felt like I experienced and in the aftermath, the, the thoughts that came, I. First, I think that we've got a model for our kids, sincere Christian life, and we don't want to false advertise.
So if we embrace kind of the modern Western concept of what it means to be strong and we project to our wives and to our children and to our, our coworkers that I am. Totally self-sufficient that I am an independent, self-sufficient wise person. We are projecting a kind of standard that is unachievable.
God has not created humanity to be kind of lone, self-sufficient, independent, like no one is that. There's no such thing as a self-made man. Like everyone is developed as we lean into others, as we lean into wisdom. And so I don't wanna project to my kids that dad as a pastor, dad, as a husband, and as a parent, is self-sufficient, has all knowledge, is totally confident.
I want them to see my moments of insecurity. I don't want them to see me as self-sufficient, but I want them to see me as frail, but full, frail, I am struggling. I don't have solutions. I don't have answers. I am not self-sufficient, but I am full of the spirit. I am full of God's love for me. In my insecurity of not knowing how to lead right now, I am not experiencing an insecurity of identity because I've been alone with God and I know that I'm his son, that I am adopted because of the perfect blood of the lamb.
I'm fully loved, and so as I gospel myself through my own insecurity, I'm allowing my kids to see that look. Dad's feeling weak and insecure right now, but I'm able to laugh at myself and I'm able to lean back in the chair with my kids and have joy in the middle of failure because I am frail freely admitting that I am weak.
But I am also in the place of prayer full of God's spirit, full of joy and full of peace. I want them to see me frail, but full. I. Second thought that, that I've realized about myself and that I've. A mistake I've made over the years. I've taught a lot in kind of Bible study, Bible school settings for years.
I've taught that we need to have grit, that we need to embrace and lean into kind of this gritty state in the soul where I have a dogged conviction, I bite down and I don't let go. I find within myself the strength to go on. And that's really the construct of, of modern leadership, right? Is like wake up earlier, stay up later working, be the grittiest of the gr and you will succeed.
You will excel. And I do think that there's a place for grittiness in the Christian life. Even the psalm is saying, I tell my soul, soul, bless the Lord. Like there's a place of like, I'm feeling discouraged and I'm just gonna say to myself. Get up and bless God, and I think there's a place for grittiness in the Christian life, but I wanna model for my kids.
Grittiness, far overshadowed by grace. I want grace over grittiness, and so in the season of struggling and feeling exhausted and insecure, I don't want my kids to see gritty, bite down, convicted striving. I want my kids to see. Resting in God's love and in the gospel and in prayer, and coming out of my quiet time, coming out of my moments with brothers in the Lord where I've shared my heart and living my life full of grace, like having the power and the joy and the peace of the spirit that I experience only in intimacy and kind of communion with God.
There's a grace to live out of. So. We're all gonna experience moments of weakness, moments of frail and insecurity, every one of us in our life. I don't think God's gonna allow a single one of us to live a life of total success. Like you are gonna fail sooner or later when you feel weak and frail. As far as I can tell, you have two primary options.
You can look inward and dig down in your soul and get gritty and get this kind of self perseverance like, I'm gonna strive. Or you can go shut the door, open your scriptures, lay your weakness bare before God, and just say, Lord, I really need your grace right now. I need grace. And I think living out of grace, living out of dependence on the Lord is so much more.
Life-giving than living outta striving and, and grit. And so I wanna model in these moments of man my work. In some relationships, I feel like I've made some huge failures. I wanna model, I'm getting alone with God. I'm listening to the voice of the spirit, not. I'm gonna bite down and push harder than I've ever pushed.
Hey guys, hope you're enjoying the episode so far. Stick around because Caleb's gonna share a lot of really helpful things for us on the backside of this podcast. Before he does though, I just wanna take a minute to remind you that we do dad tire conferences all over the country and world. And we would love to partner with you as a local church to help equip the men of your church to see the gospel, change them as a man, to see them change as a husband and as a father.
If you're interested in partnering with us and us partnering with you to equip the men of your local church, you can go to dad tire.com, click the conferences tab. You can fill out a form there. We'll give you some more information about what it would look like for us to host a conference there at your local church.
I love you guys. Let's jump back into today's episode. Third, I think that. In my weakness, God's strength being made perfect. It does imply that we are not living and modeling. Intellectual arrogance or a type of perceived omniscience. In the modern concept of of leadership, we are told that we should always have a strategy.
That we should always have a solution. We must be full of answers, and we've gotta come to 'em quick. We've gotta have strategy quick in the gospel, in the scriptures. I am free to confess that I am not omniscient. I don't see every angle. I cannot predict the future. I do not understand other individual's perspectives perfectly.
I have a lens by which I see things and my lens can be distorted. I don't have a complete, full, perfect grasp of the scriptures and the principles in the scriptures that God intends us to live by. And so. We've got six kids and two teenagers, and we're in this season. We're like, we're having troubles with, with one of our teenagers and having the discipline and how do you lead?
And it's been kind of regular for my wife to say to me, here's the issue, here's what the kid did wrong. What do you want to do? And sometimes I feel the pressure to respond right away. Like, I need to have this solution, the perfect parental guidance, but I'm coming to this place where I'll just say out loud, I don't know yet.
I'm not sure yet. I don't understand yet. Gimme 24 hours. I know that we need to make a decision. I know we can't ignore this issue. But I need 24 hours to pray. I need 24 hours to look at the scriptures again, to examine the word of God. I need 24 hours to talk with godly counsel, to be with brothers and sisters in the Lord.
I'm big on biblical eldership, man. I think you need to be involved in a local church where you have access to elders and the faith who are wise and have integrity, and you need to have access to ask questions like. I'm struggling with this teenager and I don't know how to respond. I need 24 hours to acknowledge that I'm not omniscient, that I'm not perfect in my understanding.
And by confessing my weakness, I create a platform by which I can explore. All of the resources that God has for his children in the word of God, in the people of God in prayer, I can access the strength of the spirit. If I run into every problem with a snap my finger solution, I will never tap into the well of wisdom and discernment that God has for me.
Outside of my own person, right? There is a fountain of discernment in the people of God. There's a fountain of wisdom. The word of God, and you can read it every day. I read it every day. And there's still a free confession that the scriptures are, some issues are so nuanced that I don't have a perfect understanding of the scriptures.
I need to go back and look again. And so I think that if we teach our kids leadership is. Making decisions quick, always having strategy, always being the person that can solve the problem. Then we're teaching our kids to avoid or to discount the fountain of wisdom that we have in the word of God, the people of God and in prayer.
And so I think in this season where I've had real problems and I'm just been in my own head, you know, just frustrated, I think I've been able to subtly model for my kids. You don't have to have all the answers. That you have a fountain of wisdom in the word of God, a fountain of wisdom in the people of God.
Lastly, I think that when we embrace this western. Projection of what it is to lead that looks inward for knowledge, that looks inward for strength, that looks inward for strategy. We can train our kids, we can train the people, we lead around us to be judgmental and competitive. If, if everything in my leadership is about me having.
Within myself, power and competency, I will quickly begin to judge everyone else who's struggling. I'll nitpick everyone else's decisions. I think in my context in pastoral ministry, it's really easy for pastors to look across the street at the church, whether it's growing or declining, and have six reasons why it's experiencing what it's experiencing.
And we just slide really quickly into this judgmental posture. That's competitive and that judgmental competitive posture leads to isolation. It leads to seclusion because everyone around us becomes the competitor rather than the support system. And so we, we wanna model for those we lead. I wanna model for my kids and I want you to model for your kids.
I. That I am not in competition, especially with brothers and sisters in the Lord. And when I am struggling, when I am feeling insecure, rather than competing with my brothers and sisters in the Lord, I can go have a cup of coffee, sit down, cry, even confess my sin, and have a brother and sister in the word say to me, Caleb, you're not a man who strives.
You are not trying to earn anything. This feels like failure. This is a blip in the map. I need to have. Brothers and sisters say to me, Caleb, even if you fail, God is still good. Your salvation is secure. You will be cared for. Even failure is not failure when you are bought by the blood of the lamb. I need brothers and sisters in the Lord to look me in the eye and give me the gospel in seasons where I feel insecure, weak, and frail.
But. If all I do in life is compete and judge and isolate because I'm trying to project to everyone around me that I am wise, competent, and self-sufficient, then I will model for my kids that life is about striving ahead of the crowd rather than living in community and finding. A well of encouragement in the body of Christ.
In the hardest seasons, every one of us. We're gonna have hard seasons in the next. I don't know if we could linearly kind of weigh out the next three years of your life. At some point you are going to really, really struggle. And the thing about parenting is. I can fool a lot of people. I can fool people in the church.
I can fool my coworkers into thinking I'm doing well and I'm doing okay, but I cannot fool my wife and I cannot fool my kids. They are going to know when I struggle. What do I model? If I can say with Paul, his strength is made perfect in my weakness, then I can lean back into the gospel and say to my wife and my kids, I'm frail right now.
I'm insecure right now. I am struggling right now, but I am full of confidence that God loves me. I am full of joy in the gospel. I'm full of. Peace because his sovereign hand upholds the universe. Yes, and the natural things are bad. But even if I take an L, even if everything falls apart, I am so loved. So I can model frailty, but fullness, I can model grace over grit.
Life is not about biting down and pushing harder. Life is about learning to lean. Lean into the spirit. Lean into the presence of God. Drink from the well of life. I can model for my kids. Not intellectual arrogance, not I'm omniscient, not I perceive all things, but I can model. I don't have all the solutions, but I have great resources.
Ultimate resource in the word of God. I have a wonderful resource in the elders of the church and godly counsel in the church. I have prayer. I can get a hold of the garment of Jesus in prayer. And finally, I'm showing my kids. I'm not in competition with anybody. I'm not gonna live an isolated life. I'm not judging.
I am able to say to the community, say to brothers and sisters, here's my sin. Here's my struggle. Here are the lies that I have believed that have led me here, and I can sit at a table and hear brothers say back to me, Caleb, here's the word of God. Here's what we see. Faithfulness. In a season of struggle, we see perseverance.
In a season of hardship, I'm able to be washed by the encouragement of the saints only because I am transparently. In vulnerability owning weakness. And so I think we could probably have 18 discussions about all the implications of what Paul means when he records the words of the Lord saying, in your weakness, my strength is made perfect.
But as it pertains to parenting and leadership, I think it's really important that we have a level of transparency and a level of vulnerability that just says, man. I don't think that I am the end all of leadership. I'm actually not. Theologically speaking, I am not the master of my life. I'm not the shepherd of my own soul.
I at my best, am a follower at my best. I'm walking in the spirit. I. At my best, I'm in prayer, hearing the voice of God, leaning into it and following the leadership of the spirit. I'm, I'm actually not a modern, competent leader. I am a weak, frail follower of the spirit of God, and my hopes and dreams for my kids is not that they'll have total success for all of their lives and.
They'll be valedictorian and be doctors and lawyers and physicians. My hope for my kids is that when they experience trial, they know where to go. They know how to get ahold of the garment of Jesus. So man, I think it'd be worth meditating on Second Corinthians 12, nine this week for my power is made perfect in weakness and maybe jot these few things down and and chew on 'em with your spouse.
One, I wanna be frail and full, frail and full. Two. I wanna model grace over grid. Three, wisdom and discernment over intellectual arrogance. Four. Encouragement and community over competition and isolation. I think if we can deposit these traits of leadership, these traits of what it means to really walk with God, be a disciple, and make disciples, we'll, give our kids a huge advantage.
Over allowing them naturally to kind of be marinated in the ideas of, of modern leadership. So, man, I'm, I'm praying for you guys. I'm so, so blessed to be a part of this community and just believing that the Lord's at work in our families.
Hey guys. As always, I hope that episode was encouraging to you and helped you on your journey of falling more in love with Jesus and helping your family do the same again, if you want to partner with us. To see your men equipped at your local church, we would love to do that. We'd love to host a one day conference at your church.
You can do that by going to dad tire.com. Click the conferences tab, fill out the form there. We'll send you some information about what it would look like for your local church to host a one day dad tire conference, and see the men of your church equipped. I love you guys. We'll see you next week.