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Tomorrow can be different from today.
Our lives often leave us feeling hopelessālike nothing will ever change. But perspective is everything. When you know where to look, hope can be found in the spaces and places you least expect.
Join Jason Gore (Lead Pastor of Hope Community Church) for a fresh perspective, practical steps, and weekly encouragement that hope really is possibleā¦ even in real life.
That doesn't mean that things are always fine.
Yeah, that's good.
It almost scared me for a while.
I was like, we're not fighting about anything.
Does this mean we're in it? Do we care?
Like, a lot of people will be like, oh, well a sign
of a healthy marriage is that you're having disagreements
and it is that you're arguing about things.
And I don't know, the biggest argument sometimes is just
like trying to figure out where to eat dinner.
Yeah.
Welcome to the Hope and Real Life podcast with Jason Gore.
Our team is passionate
and committed to bringing you more hope in the everyday
real areas of your life.
If this conversation and content is valuable for you,
please do us a favor, like, subscribe, and even share.
You never know how valuable it could be
to share a little bit of hope with someone else.
Let's get the conversation started.
What's going on? Hope in real life family.
Welcome back to a new episode where we here look
to share a bit of hope in the everyday moments of our lives.
Back here with our good friends, Aaron and Morgan Nelson.
You both are starting to become like a regular
face on your show.
Glad to be here. Yeah. Yeah.
This is fun. That's great.
Listen, I'm gonna take some time off.
You guys can start running again. Sounds good.
Hey, listen, this week we're gonna be talking about a
category that, uh, impacts so many of us in our lives,
which is how to maintain a high level
of hope in our marriage.
And, uh, we were talking a little bit
before the show just about how long we've been married
and things like that, but hey, let me turn the microphones
over to you all and tell us just a little bit about your
relationship, how long you've
been married, and what that's like. Yeah.
Who's taking it? You got it. Yeah.
So we, let's say from Morgan, this is a test.
No, let's not do that. Actually, let's go over if
This is a test.
Yeah. Uh, no. So we met in 2019.
Um, we actually met on a church trip, um,
and then, uh, yeah, dated for, uh, about 10 months
before we decided we were gonna get engaged.
There was, I mean, a lot over the course of that 10 months,
but I think all good stuff that just,
people always say when, you know, you know, you know,
and that was, uh, that was actually a real thing for us.
Um, so yeah. Dated for about 10 months. Got engaged.
Uh, going into 2020 was gonna be the best year of our lives.
It was gonna be so fantastic. We and everybody's
Lives. That's right.
Uh, actually I had a,
I had a bar in my, uh, you
Will never forget your anniversary.
I, yeah, that's true. Uh, I had a bar in our, um,
wedding vows where I said, uh, uh, I said,
going into 2020, I expect
it to be the greatest year of my life.
And I talk about covid and I'm like,
but today means
that 2020 is still the greatest year of my life.
Oh. And dude was so good, right? Dude was cooking back then.
It was all that free time we
had to come up with stuff like that.
But yeah, got married in 2020,
had a pandemic wedding and it was great.
Honestly. I mean, I wouldn't change a thing about it.
That was awesome. No. Yeah. Yeah.
Um, and then, yeah, since then, uh, kind
of making steady progress along the way.
We got married in 2020,
moved into our first apartment together.
Then a year later we bought a house Year later, we,
We got our track, we got our dog before
We got our house. That's right. We got
our dog, got our house.
Now we have a kid on the way.
And so just kind of a slow, steady trajectory of Yep.
Uh, yeah. Just growing
and intertwining our lives together and
Yeah. The old sounds like
the standard.
First comes love, then comes marriage, and then
There you go. You go all
on way. That's right.
So listen, if you've made it this far
and you've just realized, wait a minute,
they've been married for four years,
but maybe you've been married 10 years or 15 years
or 20 years, and you're like,
okay, am I gonna learn anything?
Stick with us. Two things.
One, we're actually gonna have, we're, you know,
we're gonna, we're gonna have other episodes
where we engage the exact same topic
and have some, some vets, uh, on the show.
And maybe like, literally there's a great couple, Carrie
and Martha Vet that would be fantastic to have on here.
Um, you all have been married for four years?
I've been married for 21. Yeah.
But we're focusing specifically in this episode on, uh,
the importance of having intentionality in
how you engage one another.
Mm-Hmm. And I'll just tell you, um, my wife
and I, we have a, a great marriage by most accounts.
Um, we're a phenomenal team. Uh, she's a great teammate.
I think on my best days, I'm a pretty solid teammate.
We understand our roles within our marriage.
We now understand our strengths, our weaknesses.
We get a lot of stuff done.
We're able to manage a lot of things.
I think by God's grace, we're able to share a bit
of hope in the world around us through our everyday lives.
Um, but man, this is something just the her
and I time with three kids
and the activity that we have in, in our lives,
this is something we actually don't do great in.
And so I'm thankful that, well,
hopefully you guys do well in it since Yeah.
I say, I mean, we're just gonna sit around
and talk about how we all are not good at this. Okay.
Alright. Well listen, let's do this.
Lemme start out by asking you this then. Yeah.
Are you guys both routine people?
Like, Hey, if we're gonna spend time together, we need
to do it routinely to make sure that we stick with it?
Or is this something like, no, no, no, let's,
let's just kind of play it by ear
and let's, on a whim say, Hey, we're due, it's time
to go out and spend some time together?
I think we've tried both. Hmm.
I think there are certain aspects of marriage
that we have tried to, um, make routine.
Uh, I'm a big Google Calendar user
and if it's on my Google calendar, it's gonna happen.
Uh, so in, in trying to make sure that
just those core really important things in our marriage
happen, I, I told Erin, put it on my calendar.
Mm-Hmm. And, uh, it'll happen. Um,
And I'm not a calendar person at all.
Like, I, I will wake up
and I'll look at my Yeah,
you're not surprised by that at all.
I'll wake up and look at my calendar
and I'm like, okay, if it's on there, I'll do it.
But I'm not the one to add those things on it.
Like Morgan knows for a fact.
Like if I need to get something in front of him,
then yeah, throw it on the calendar.
I will see it. But it's not my default to do that.
I'm very much so, like, lemme look at what's in front
of me today, and then Morgan's like,
let me look at what's in front of me for the next 30 years.
And so yeah, there's a little bit of that.
I think that's where it comes from. I think it's a little
bit of give and take for both of us
where she is more structured routine
and then I can be more spontaneous,
but I'm also like, let's spontaneously take a nap instead
of doing what we had planned.
So yeah. It's, it's this weird kind of back
and forth balance between the two of us.
And I'll say we've both grown in
like the opposite directions.
Yeah. Like for each other.
And I think that's just like the beauty of marriage
and having spent four years together, I can't wait to see
what the next 40 look like of just, um, aligning more.
Aaron is now much more apt to use his calendar
and that he actually looks at it
and accepts my calendar invitations versus
when we first got married, it was just, man,
where's the wind gonna blow me today?
Yeah. And that's how he lived his life.
And then I think I've become more willing
to be spontaneous like, it,
maybe it's not on the calendar, but Yeah.
We can go to dinner tonight or Yeah.
Just be, be more spontaneous
or even more relaxed in the routine.
Because something
that I was really bad about was overcommitting us
to stuff adding too much to the calendar.
Yeah. That, that's probably something
that I can't imagine us not getting into at one point.
But like, even personality wise, we're pretty different.
Like, I am, um, more introverted than Morgan is.
Morgan is more of an extrovert than I am.
She like, let's go hang out with people.
Let's see our people. Let's have a great time.
And I, I will flake and not feel bad about it.
Like, I can cancel plans
and not feel anything about, I'm like, yeah,
I just didn't wanna do that, so I didn't do it.
Yeah. She's like, yeah, but we told them three months ago
that we were gonna go get dinner.
And I was like, yeah. But I didn't know three months ago
from that,
I, I didn't know that I was gonna wanna take a nap
right now, three months ago.
So then I Exactly. I'm,
I'm writing like a one page like apology letter
to the people that we've made plans with.
I'm, I'm so, I'm so sorry that like, something's come up.
Aaron got a little tired. I'm
Just trying to come up with something like,
Aaron missed his nap today, so we're not,
We can't, Sorry. We have
to like, make up for it.
So you automatically have
to make plans three months out again
and Yeah. Then the next it's
A vicious cycle. Yeah.
One thing that, that Diane and I have found,
and this is something that's, we're,
we're similar in our marriage in that I'm like you Aaron,
like, I, I used to be a bit more extroverted.
I don't know if it's the older I get
or I'm just around people all the time, but I'm finding more
and more I get more energy from being by myself
or like just with the people that I trust
and I can just be myself.
Um, Diana really, really loves to be around people as well.
I, I think she loves to be around me,
but like she gets, you know, she
likes to just be on the go a lot.
But like we have learned over the years. Yeah.
I mean, what you just mentioned, Morgan, like, I feel bad.
Like I find myself regularly reminding us, Hey,
it's not our responsibility to make everyone happy.
I mean, the truth is we're talking about marriage
and like relationships are gonna come and go.
People are gonna move on. Things are gonna change.
Like circumstances are gonna change, hopefully,
Lord willing, which we know it is his will
for you to stay together.
That relationship isn't gonna change. Mm-Hmm.
And so we have to make decisions in our marriage
where we say, you know what?
It might let that person down,
but it's better to let that person down than
it is to let my marriage down.
Mm-Hmm. And so, and that
Does go both ways, right?
Like, there are some days where I'm like, I do not want
to go to this thing.
You know? Um, I mean, just the reality of it is, you know,
with me working at a church, like, a lot of times, like,
just a common example, like I can think of one
of our worship leaders will go
and play live music at a venue somewhere.
And for Morgan it's like, yeah, let's go hang out.
And for me, I'm like, I'm gonna see a bunch of people
that I go to church with and they're all gonna wanna talk.
And it's gonna be like, I'm gonna,
I'm not even gonna hear the music in the background
'cause I'm having conversations with the
70, 80, 90 people that are all there.
Right? So it's two different experiences.
But I know, man, Morgan's been working a lot this week
and taking care of responsibilities
and taking care of the dog and all
that stuff, and she needs to get out the house.
And so I need to Yeah. So it, it, it works both ways.
Let's talk about like a, a relationship
when we do feel distant, right?
Mm-Hmm. Because when we don't spend intentional time
with one another inside of our marriage,
we can feel distant.
I'd love to hear from the two of you, like,
have you ever had a time period
where you have felt that way?
And if so, like what does distance feel like?
Like how do you know, like, okay, yeah, we probably need
to be intentional about spending some time together.
I actually think you were the first one
that put language behind it.
Um, we were doing a, like a marriage class
and we were talking about, they,
they basically asked us like, Hey, what are, for
The listeners that aren't watching, I think he's talking
to Morgan when he said, you put original language. Yes,
Yes, yes. Thank
you. I don't think I ever said that. Yeah.
Morgan, Morgan put original language to this.
Um, but basically we sat down
and the people who were leading our, our group were like,
you know, when we're done with this, you know,
eight weeks from now, what do you hope,
um, it's true about your marriage?
What do you hope changes about your marriage?
And something like that. And, uh, Morgan was like, right,
right now we feel like passing ships.
Um, and so I don't know if you just wanna explain a little
bit about maybe what you felt at that time
or what made you put that language together.
Yeah. And I will give credit where credit is due.
We were going through reengage, which our church offers, um,
us that program to go through.
And I, I think that might have actually been reengaged
language in our,
our notebooks was this idea of passing ships.
Um, and it was just,
I don't know, maybe a month, maybe three months
where there were just demands on each of us as individuals,
whether it was work for Bo,
I it was probably work for both of us.
Um, you had a lot of like evening events. Mm-Hmm.
I think that's where we kind
of feel the biggest strain is ministry has a lot of, outside
of your typical working hours, um, demands on your schedule.
So it's easy. Like if I'm working a nine to five
and you're working a nine to five, we do that.
We come home and we spend that time together,
and then we don't have that passing ship analogy.
Um, but because of like weeknight commitments
and just other things going on, it was,
it felt like we were never at the house at the same time.
Mm-Hmm. Or literal passing ships.
Like my car would pull in the driveway
and then Aaron would be backing out
of the driveway headed to something else.
And I was like, okay, well good to see you for five seconds,
like, long enough to give you a kiss on the cheek
and you're off to Yeah.
The next thing. Um, yeah, I don't remember specifically like
what was going on, but Mm-Hmm.
It, it was just like,
That was a part of it. I think
we just kinda looked up one day
and realized like, man, I feel like I haven't seen you all
week, or like, you've been,
what's been like, you know, what's been going on?
Where have you been? It was like, well, I'm here.
And it was, you know, I mean, we sleep in the same bed.
We even, there are times when we would sit on the couch
and watch a movie together that week,
but it, we weren't talking to one another.
We were just kind of being adjacent to one another.
And, um, yeah.
After a while it's just like, man, why do I miss you?
Like, we've been around each other a lot. Yeah.
But why do I miss you? And I think the thing that,
that's easy for the reason why it's easy for both of us
to fall into that, and I, I actually go back to this a lot,
is, uh, we were both raised as only children.
And so I can't speak entirely from Morgan's experience,
but my childhood was,
and my mom would even tell me this now, she's like, I used
to give you a book and put
you in the corner and you were fine.
Yeah. So guess what 30-year-old Aaron does when Right.
He defaults. Right.
Well, I'm gonna go grab a book
and sit in the corner and I'll be fine.
And not even recognize, um, just kind
Of the natural Yeah. There's never like
anger or like disagreements going on.
It is just kind of our default nature that, you know,
I'm just gonna go do what I wanna do.
I'm glad you said that. We don't argue a ton.
Like when people ask us like, what do you guys fight about?
Like, we genuinely, like there are times where we feel bad
because we're like, man, I really don't know.
Like, we don't fight a lot.
That doesn't mean that things are always fine. Yeah. Um, it
Almost scared me for a while.
I was like, we're not fighting about anything.
Does this mean we're in it? Do we care?
Like, a lot of people will be like, oh, well a sign
of a healthy marriage is that you're having disagreements
and it is that you're arguing about things.
And I don't know, the biggest argument sometimes is just
like trying to figure out where to eat dinner.
Yeah. Or, yeah, I don't know. Really little things.
Yeah. So I thought, oh, we're not arguing.
Things must be fine. But that was also an indicator of Yeah,
but you're just not spending enough time together.
You're not talking in general, you know? So
Yeah. And there's probably
something too, you know, again,
to the listener that's, that's out there
that's been married 20 years, they're probably thinking,
well, we've been married four years.
Um, kids on the way give it some time.
We'll see, I'll bet somebody at some point it's got
Enough content, we've got some content coming up, you
Know, And it's true, man.
It's so important to recognize in our marriages
how we bring, how we were raised into our marriage.
Mm-Hmm. I can remember the first time Diana ever came over
to, uh, my house, like
with my mom and my stepdad and,
and a disagreement occurred between my mom and I
and like, things got slightly elevated.
And, uh, then my brother got involved and then,
and I looked around and I didn't see her.
And, and then I went upstairs
and she was in my room upstairs, and I went up there
and she was like, crying.
I was like, what, what, what, what's going on?
She's like, I just, with all the fighting
that was going on, I just didn't know.
I was like, that was, that was, that was not a fight.
That, that was, that was, uh, that was a disagreement.
That was a, a tussle that wasn't fight. Um, yeah.
But like, but her family, uh,
I don't know if they listen to this podcast or not.
Like they not, oh man. Nope. See if they listen or not.
Not only do they not fight,
like they, Thanksgiving is gonna be fun.
They like, I would even say they kind
of avoid conflict to a degree.
Mm-Hmm. And so it's just very, like, if there's something
that's a problem, no, we're just not gonna, yeah.
We don't necessarily talk about it as much.
And so, and then that played itself out in the first fight
that her and I got into.
She was like, I just, you, it seems like you're so upset.
And I was like, honestly, I just kept pushing
because it seems like you were not
emotionally involved and engaged.
And so if you weren't upset yet,
then you clearly didn't care.
I was like, okay, that's not so, so
for all you young pups out there, um,
just recognize you might not be the same as your spouse
and you could scare them.
So just know hope in real life family.
I want to take a moment and let you know about a resource
that we have for you for your own personal development,
spiritual enrichment, and really a way for you
to find a bit more hope in real life.
We have a tool for you called the Hope in Real Life app.
It offers things like parenting tips, financial resources,
marriage insights, uh, if you're looking for it,
there's even Bible reading plans in there.
And there's a community
where you can even share prayer requests
and know that someone is praying for you for whatever it is
that you have going on in your life.
It's available right now in the Apple App
Store or in Google Play.
You can search hope in real life in both stores,
or you can use the download link that is in the show notes.
Remember, tomorrow can be better than today
and hope is possible even in real life.
You mentioned the, the passing ships.
Man, when we were, when I first went on staff at Hope,
and actually before I went on staff at Hope,
I was working full time, I was managing a sales team.
We had started a college ministry that was growing at Hope.
Um, I was also involved in the youth ministry
and then the lead pastor of the church basically came to me
and was like, Hey, listen, what if we pay you
for your ministry stuff to kind of free you up, you know,
to pay you for the work that you're doing,
and then you don't have to worry about
getting an income from another job.
I was like, oh, that's awesome. And then
there's never enough time, right?
There's always needs.
And then fast forward a year, I ended up getting a job offer
to go and be a worship leader at a church in Texas.
And Diana and I prayed about it
and she was like, I think we're supposed to go.
And I was like, what in the world?
How, how have I missed this? Mm-Hmm.
Because I don't think we're supposed to go.
And when we actually really sat down
and dug in, she's like, here's the deal.
I don't know if we're supposed to go or not.
I, I want to go
because I feel like the time that you're giving
to this ministry, I, I feel like you have a mistress.
Mm-Hmm. And it feels like it's your job.
And I mean, I, I just think like
that hit me like a ton of bricks.
It's radically changed how I approach what it is that I do.
And I don't get it right all the time,
but the boundaries that we try to put in place, mm-Hmm.
But it's just important to realize, man, if we don't,
if we're not intentional,
at some point it's gonna start to tell on us.
Yeah. That's good.
One of the things that the two of you do to kind of build
that time into your relationship to make sure,
'cause you said you went through a season,
you're passing ships, you said, I don't,
um, I don't, I miss you.
Mm-Hmm. So what are the things that you found
that you can do to make sure
that you don't get to that place?
Yeah. Um, we have some that I think are just, so
that's another thing on top of us being okay.
Being alone. Uh, we also just have different interests.
Like she loves Gilmore Girls
and I can watch WWE wrestling all day long
and never the two shall meet.
You know, those are two very different worlds.
Um, so for others, right.
So for us, um, yeah, we've had to, we've really had
to work at trying to figure out what those things are.
Um, that's actually a reason why we started our podcast
was it was kind of a good, it was part
of the reason it was a good time for us
to intentionally sit down
and like, okay, for at least an hour a week,
we're gonna process through this together
and this is gonna kind of give us some face time
and it's just something fun that we both enjoy.
Um, so that's one we enjoy eating
and traveling a ton.
So those are probably gonna be the
two that we naturally go to.
So I would say, I mean, ever since we started dating,
like it's been pretty consistent that we had
vacations times away where we go to go away for, I mean,
literally weeks at a time, um, with just the two of us.
That's been, um, that's been great.
So the good thing is, is that it's just the two of us
and we don't have to worry about anything
or anyone else getting in the way of that, which I'm sure,
uh, will be the case come September
as well when the baby's here. But
I do think it's important to realize though,
it is possible for there
to be distance when it is just the two of you.
Mm-Hmm. Like, don't take that for granted. Mm-Hmm.
You can actually be in the same space,
like you said earlier, and actually be distant. Yeah. So,
Yeah. Morgan, What do
you, would you add anything? Yeah.
Uh, one of our trips has now stemmed a, a ho,
well not a hobby, but like
something we enjoy doing together.
We're now watching baseball together, um,
which has been really fun.
It's a sport that I can keep up with that I know the rules
and we can have, um, like, I don't know,
I would call it boy conversations.
You know, like I can, I can keep up in the group chat with,
um, with what's going on in, in Dodger baseball right now.
I'm working on memorizing numbers
and names and where they play. Um,
Yeah. Inside jokes about
things we also don't understand. Yes.
Or Dodger fans o's supposedly the, one
of the greatest players in baseball right now.
And every time we've watched him, he's been horrible.
And so now I just inside thinking, man, ohtani.
So to bat Ohtani sucks. You know?
I don't know, it's just like, it's such a little thing
that like, we know probably isn't true, but we just, he's
Not gonna be a sponsor that's,
We just have a, we just, uh, have a Yeah.
It's just those little things that like,
create those little moments that are a lot of fun.
Yeah. You took my food answer. We love to eat.
Um, but then you also love to cook
and I can be of some assistance.
I mean, I'm, I'm able to cook
and I think I can follow a recipe pretty well,
but like being in the kitchen together is fun.
Mm-Hmm. Even if it's just like I'm sitting at the island
while Aaron's cooking, or, um, sometimes it is vice versa.
Mm-Hmm. Um, yeah.
Just like spending time, like together cooking.
Yeah. Yeah. I think if I were to give any advice, uh,
to, to younger folks especially,
but it's really anyone is man, put the phones down.
Mm-Hmm. Uh, you, you go out to eat and,
and Diana, I inevitably end up, I don't wanna say making fun
of, but it's probably is making fun of,
and you see couples going out to eat
and they're in this nice, beautiful environment
and they share their phones the whole time.
It's like, man, goodness gracious.
You, you could do that at home.
You could do that plenty of other times during the day,
but I actually put your phone down and engage one another.
Yeah. I think that's, uh, something that I've seen.
Um, the other thing, I mean, you mentioned, um,
dinner together.
Um, a mistake I made, there were times early on when I,
this was before I ended up on staff at Hope again,
I mentioned I was, worked on a sales team,
was managing a sales team.
And there were some times, I'm ashamed to say this,
but there were times where I knew
that Diana was cooking dinner
and I just ended up working late just
because I wasn't where I wanted to be yet as far as, um,
goals quota for the month, that type of thing, and work home
and then come home late and then dinner's cold.
And I, again, you're kinda like, whoa, what's the big deal?
There's, um, it's under foil
and I'll throw it in the microwave.
And, and so it's like, man, no, no, no.
Young people, especially again,
but anyone in marriage, like, don't be a bonehead.
Like if you're, if your spouse is cooking
dinner for you to come down,
Down somewhere, but Don't be a bonehead.
Like if your spouse is cooking dinner for you to come home
and eat, go home and eat.
Mm-Hmm. You know, work's gonna be there tomorrow.
Um, but, but guess what?
Like, I mean, look, I've experienced this realities on a
number of levels from my wife's, one
of my wife's previous company to even having to go
through it as, as a leader myself.
Like at some point, like, your job might not exist. Mm-Hmm.
Your spouse is gonna be there. Mm-Hmm.
And so, and for goodness sake,
like, don't take that for granted.
Yeah. Do what you need to do.
Make sure you're spending the right time together. That's
Good.
Maybe along that note, as marriage,
like we should hopefully we go into marriage thinking, Hey,
this is a lifelong deal.
And so if that's the case, maybe some conversation around,
uh, some things you found.
How, how do you treat each other Mm-Hmm.
That can actually build to that level
of connection that we're talking about.
You wanna start off on this one?
Yeah. I mean, I don't even know if I've
talked to you about this yet. Um, oh,
This is gonna be good.
Yeah.
Um, but I'm biased.
I like myself and I think I'm
a great person and a great wife and a great friend.
And this just sounds like now I'm
just bragging like, I'm awesome,
Everybody, I haven't told you
how great are lately in the morning
and we haven't had this conversation recently enough.
Lemme just lay out right here. Lemme
Just remind you how great I am.
But I, how
Great Is Morgan?
Um, I, I have this like, tendency to think like,
if anything, God forbid, like happened in our marriage
and we like separated, it could never be my fault
because I'm such a great wife.
Like, I, I always think about Aaron's needs before my own.
And, um, I, I just like, I have this list of like, man,
I am meeting the mark and all of these things,
but I can give you a list of things that
he's missing the mark on.
And the other day I was like, how stupid am I
that he has a list?
Like I know there is a list. I,
No, he actually gave it to us. Where
about it? Where, that's the next question,
Put it down. But it, it was just
This moment that I was like, gosh, like I,
I have flaws
and I miss the mark so many times of being a wife.
I watch Gilmore Girls constantly
and the sound of their voices as much,
Oh my gosh, nevermind.
I'm sorry. The same
Way I feel when wrestling is on
and I'm like, this noise, it's wrestling
and it's video game commentators, the guys that just sit
and they're like, oh, and then this guy's doing this thing
and this guy's, I cannot stand the sound
and it's different guys all the time.
And I'm like, this is so annoying. How
Dare I don't like any of them. They all,
How dare you not use headphones to listen to that
or to listen, like to watch wrestling.
But here I am, like full volume Gilmore Girls on Living Room
tv and Lorelei
and Rory's voices sound like the same to him as
wwe e commentary sounds to me.
It's worse, it's worse. Um, so yeah, it was just this moment
of like, I have been so naive to the fact
that there are things that I do that annoy him that
he probably doesn't appreciate.
Um, like yeah, we could put our, our lists side by side.
Like, you know, maybe he doesn't shut the drawer
in the kitchen all the way.
Maybe it's a hypothetical,
But there, I'm sure there are things like,
I've caught myself leaving my shoes in the walkway.
How dare you? I didn't notice that she left her her shift.
Um, but yeah, it was just this really humbling moment of
man, I have been thinking like I am the, the greatest wife.
But I, I'm sure I have been a disappointment
numerous times in the four years, and I'm sure in the next
however many the Lord gives us together,
I will be a disappointment.
Can you repeat the question? I'm just thinking about
everything I've done wrong for the last six months,
As, as lifelong partners of marriage say, how,
how are we called to treat each other?
Yeah. What, what, what, what are some steps that we can take
to make sure that we're, um, I would even say outdo Yeah.
And showing honor towards
Each Christ. Did I answer the
Question? Yeah.
I don't know if you did, but he,
I think you satirically kind of, uh, you alluded
to some things that I, I do think are important.
One of them that you mentioned was putting the other person,
Whatever you did answer, I'm certain
that you did a great job on.
Yeah, right. That's right.
Because I'm so great.
Um, is is putting, uh, the other person's needs
above your own, um, genuinely trying to think through that
and trying to process that.
I mean, there are so many things that, like, I, again,
going back to just our personality styles, there's
so many things that I'm just
so nonchalant about in the sense of like,
it's not a problem right now.
It might be a problem later,
it might not be when it is a problem,
then I'll deal with it, whatever.
But now I'm not just thinking about like, Hey,
I'm not gonna remember that.
Um, yeah, I don't know that I left this pair
of shorts in the middle of the bedroom
floor, but you know what?
I'm at work and Morgan's working from home all day.
So guess which one of us has to stare at it
and which one of us is prone to like, literally,
I'm not thinking about that throughout my day,
but in the moments I have to try
to be mindful of that sort of stuff.
Um, so I think that's one is definitely, you know,
being mindful of the other person.
Um, in that same vein, I would say it is the,
the sacrificial part of it.
Like, there are certain things for me, like certain things
that I try to incorporate.
So like when I get home from work, um,
I'll just sit in my car for a few minutes
and just decompress because I don't want to, one,
I don't want to come into the house
and just unload all of my stuff on Morgan,
but also if I haven't properly unloaded when she starts
sharing things with me, I'm not gonna meet that.
Well, yeah. So I know I'm like, okay, I need to calm down
and at least go into this with enough of a blank slate
that I'm prepared for.
If I walk through the door and she meets me at the door
and wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me,
and like, okay, that's one response.
Or if I get there and she's threatening the
dog, that's another response.
I need to be prepared for both of those
as much as I can. I can't
Remember it was this episode or the previous one.
She has both hands around the neck of the dog. Yeah,
That's right. If that's happening,
I
need to be prepared for disclaim both. Disclaimer,
I love dogs. I I was part of
The, not ours, but other ones she thinks are nice.
Um, but yeah.
To what can I do to prepare myself for both outcomes? Right?
Yeah. So if it's, I'm walking into the house
and it is gonna be rainbows and sunshine
and it's gonna be a great evening, then sweet.
I can go along with that. But if I also need
to go into the house and she's had a tough day
and I need to be supportive of that.
Like, I have to have the awareness enough in myself
to be prepared for both outcomes.
That doesn't mean that I always have to be perfect.
That doesn't mean that I always have to be on, uh,
but it does mean that I need to be mindful.
Yeah. At the least, you know,
Morgan, you mentioned, um, that you're great
and that, and that you had a list of
It's the key takeaway. Yeah.
But you had a list of the things that Aaron, you know,
needs to focus on and what, which, you know,
we all see those things
and we know those things with our spouses, the things
that we would like for them to get better and, and reengage.
One of the things that I regularly hear about is
how couples are, um, uh, impacted
by the illustration of the circles Mm-Hmm.
That you have. And so one of the things that they teach you
and reengage is to draw a circle around yourself
and then focus on changing the things
inside of the circle Mm-Hmm.
That you need to change. Don't worry about changing the
things that are inside of your spouse's circle.
Yeah. And, um, over the years now, I don't get this right.
Okay. But over the years, one thing that I've learned,
it's kind of this, this simple mantra,
and I, I don't know that I got it from anywhere,
but it's, um, it
learn the things about yourself.
So we need to learn ourselves for a healthy marriage.
We need to learn ourselves, and
then we need to learn our spouse.
Like we have to be students of our spouse.
We have to learn what makes them tick.
We need to learn what makes them happy,
what makes them sad, what helps them thrive.
And then at the end of the day, um, our energy goes to
changing the things about ourselves that we know need
to work when we learn about ourselves,
but our energy needs to go to serving the things Yeah.
Uh, of our spouse. That's good. That, that we need to.
And so it's just a difference in what happens is a lot
of times we get that reversed.
Mm. Right. And we think, okay, these are the things
that I know to be about true, to be about me.
And so I expect my spouse to serve these things about me.
Yeah. And these are the things about
my spouse that I need to change.
And so how do we flip that paradigm and say, no, no, no.
These are the things that I need to work on
and change in myself, and then these are the things
that I need to serve for my spouse.
Yeah, that's good. But you can't learn those things
unless you actually spend time together.
Mm-Hmm. And connect. And so,
and I have found that it always goes better with Diana
when I talk to her about the things that I'm struggling
with when we're not in a fight,
just spending the time together,
sitting on the couch talking or going for a walk.
Yeah. They like in the heat of the moment.
And let me tell you another way, you're not meeting my needs
or expectations in the moment. Yeah.
Yeah. That's good hope in real life family.
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Hope you'll check it out. Okay.
Listen, we've been at this for a bit. Uh, here.
Here's, here's what I got One we said earlier on, you kind
of gotta find what works for you.
Like some people are
introverted, some people are extroverted.
We all get energy from different places.
Some people are scheduled routine people,
some people are a bit more, uh, sporadic.
Uh, Aaron, some people like to take naps, so who knows?
Love it. What it's gonna be. But,
but you gotta find what works for you.
That's, that's the one thing, uh, I took outta this.
Secondly, man, we do though need to be intentional. Yeah.
Because if we're not careful, we can be ships
that are passing in the night,
and then third, um, recognizing, wow, we all do know
how great we really are.
And it's just that other people might not appreciate
how great we are all the time.
There probably are some things that we need to change,
and that's where energy goes coupled with making sure
that we're serving, uh,
the areas in our spouse's life in the
way that they need Yeah.
To be served. Man, that's good stuff.
That's good. Yeah.
I, I appreciate you both being on here as always.
Can't wait to get back together again. Yeah.
And further the conversation.
Let me ask you this as we wrap up, uh, with the two of you.
You know, the podcast is called Hope In Real Life.
I love to ask our guests this question, what is it
that the two of you are most hopeful for in your life
and in your marriage right now?
You wanna start? I knew this was a question
and I thought I had an answer, but now that
Aaron would stop watching WW that's,
It's, I hope that his Love for baseball would outgrow.
I hope that they'd never make another season
of Gilmore Girls ever again.
No. Um, my biggest hope man, as we Yeah.
As we start to, I mean, we're Right,
I know we mentioned this earlier, but we're right
around the corner of welcoming this child into the world.
Yeah. Um, my biggest hope is that we parent together.
That's really it. Um, is that, uh,
parenthood is something that, um, uh,
draws us closer together and
that we actually grow in our teamwork together.
Yeah. Um, as opposed to like, I mean,
marriage can be this thing
where these two people are butting heads
and I don't want to feel like to use a WW reference.
I don't wanna feel like it's a triple threat mesh now.
Right. But instead that we're,
that we're on the same team, she's
Going to rock bottom And then That's right. Yeah.
Can I get a baseball metaphor
For that? There you if you got one. No,
you can do that.
Oh, I, I don't know. I haven't been watching long enough,
but, but yeah, just to recognize that we're, we're, uh,
both in the same bullpen.
There we go. There it is. Okay. Does that work?
Is that baseball? That's baseball.
Um, yeah, that's, that's the big thing that we,
we partner together, um, in parenting.
Yeah. That's a really good one.
I mean, it's hard not to look at like September 12th
as like a, a deadline of, you know, we're just,
we're running and we're trying to get to that date.
Um, and there's no guarantee that
that date will be the day that this happens.
Um, and then just kind of waiting to see
what happens after, you know, uh, parents will look at you,
oh, just wait for this and just wait for that.
And a lot of times it's, I think they have good intentions,
but it can be negative and scary and, um, yeah.
I think I'm hopeful right now we have five weeks, uh,
before the baby's supposed to be here.
Um, that, man, this conversation has been so good to just
renew the, the importance of
honoring our marriage or like, of prioritizing our marriage.
So I, I'm hopeful just in the next five weeks
that we take our own advice
and, um, just prioritize us together
and that closeness
and, um, set ourselves up well, so that when September 12th,
13th, 14th, 15th gets here, um, we feel like a unit,
we feel like a team, um,
and we're ready to like, tackle this next adventure.
I mean, there's so much excitement.
Like I'm, I, there's a fear
of like losing each other in, in parenthood.
Um, but there's just so much excitement of getting
to experience all of this together.
Um, I will throw like one more reengage reference in there.
Um, we talked a lot about like,
it's not you versus your spouse, it's you
and your spouse versus
The Problem. The problem.
Yep. Um,
I'm not calling our future child a problem.
Yeah,
No. That's the dog.
Right. Clearly established,
Um, our child is gonna be an opportunity and a challenge
and, um, something that we get to do together.
Um, so yeah, that, that definitely learning that
and reengage was something that really changed the way, um,
I viewed our marriage was it's, it's us we're on a team
and how exciting that we get
to walk into this cool season of parenthood together. Yeah.
I'll tell you this, um, I'm hopeful
for the same thing for the both of you.
You are two of the greatest people, uh,
that I've ever had the privilege to serve alongside of.
And, uh, man, you're bringing a child into the world
and I, I'm telling you as one who has three kids,
it is a beautiful thing and it
is something to be hopeful for.
And I'll tell you, it's hard.
And, uh, but by God's grace, I would say that,
and I know Diana would say the same thing, it's probably one
of the most beautiful things that we've ever been able
to say has come out of either one of our lives.
Mm-Hmm. Especially for me.
And I know that's not the case for everybody.
Sometimes people's kids are their primary challenge.
I've got, um, 99 problems, I assure you.
And there are days when I would say maybe my kids are on
that list, but like, by God's grace,
they're not the main thing.
Yeah. Um, and so I I, it's cool man.
I, I deeply believe that you guys are in, um,
for a beautiful surprise.
And I can't wait to see what it is that God continues to do.
Not just in your marriage, but as your fam in your family
as September gets here and in the years ahead.
Thanks man. Yep. Really appreciate that.
Well, hope and real life family, we are gonna sign off.
I usually say at the end of this, if you know somebody
that would benefit from hearing this, uh,
episode, share it with them.
So yes. But here's a more specific challenge for you.
Share this with your spouse. Alright?
Don't tag them on social media, uh,
unless you want everybody
to know you think there's
something that they need to work on.
But listen, share this with them
and then spend some time at your next time
where you're intentional about spending time together
and talk through what it is that stood out with you.
Hey, listen, love you all.
Can't wait to see you on the next episode.
Until then, let's keep sharing hope. See you guys then.
Thanks for tuning into this episode
of The Hope in Real Life podcast.
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I.