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A relatable and honest podcast about the highs and lows of being a youth hockey parent. Join us as we share real stories, struggles, and wins from the rink, offering insights and support for parents navigating the world of youth hockey.
Alrighty. Welcome back to day five of the Crazy Hockey Dads Mini Camp episode 29 here with the Hockey Dads podcast, the unfiltered podcast for parents. No politics. No sugarcoating. No sugarcoating.
Scott:Just real talk for hockey parents in the trenches.
Jamie:In the trenches.
Scott:Yeah, man. Day five. Day five. Here we go.
Jamie:Here we go is right. Last day of the Crazy Hockey Dads podcast, first annual minicamp.
Scott:First annual.
Jamie:May 1.
Scott:And let's just kick it off by saying and shouting out to our partners, Howie's Hockey. Crazy ten. Use the discount, 10% off on your next order.
Jamie:Oh,
Scott:yeah. That's right. We got ProStride Elite Skating, Angelo Circe. C h d 10 is your code there for elite skating Awesome. Camps, clinics, you name it.
Scott:And API, Athletic Performance Insight, video analytics where your team can have their games broken down
Jamie:Oh, yeah.
Scott:And have video review analytics, reach out to athletic performance insight, fill out the contact form,
Jamie:get Eric's a great dude.
Scott:Get a demo.
Jamie:Good dude. Yep. Yeah. Yep. Awesome.
Jamie:So here we are, day five.
Scott:Wow. Oh, man. What a week.
Jamie:What a week is right. My goodness. What a week.
Scott:Thank God it's Friday. That TGIF. That's what's up. I'm telling you.
Jamie:And most of us will probably be at a tournament this weekend.
Scott:Maybe? Showcase? Tournament?
Jamie:Definitely.
Scott:Oh, that's right. Yeah. A 100%.
Jamie:We definitely. All of us are gonna be out.
Scott:Oh, this is over here.
Jamie:Labor Day weekend. Right? We're all at showcases.
Scott:God. The summer's over. Terrible, isn't it? It's not Damn. Awful.
Scott:Another one in the books.
Jamie:It's awful. It's like it goes by way too fast, way too fast.
Scott:So does it. But just like time does generally. I mean, before you know it, you're gonna be like eating turkey and stuffing and Thanksgiving and then it's New Year's and
Jamie:You know what's funny is I remember what people said when I first got married. They're like, wait till you have kids. Time will fly. And I'm like, what do these people know? These people know you're gonna time.
Jamie:I'm like, time
Scott:is Why would you think that?
Jamie:Why would I think what?
Scott:That they have no idea
Jamie:what I the economy thought I was young and stupid because they obviously had more wisdom than I did, which is now when I tell my kids, I'm like, you should listen to me because I have more wisdom than they're like, you don't know what you're talking about. I'm like, okay. Yeah. I'm like, alright. You're right.
Jamie:I haven't got through it already.
Scott:Yeah. When you say that, it's like one of the yet another saying that the days are long but the years are short.
Jamie:Yeah. Dude, I thought my parents were the dumbest people when I was younger. I'm like, my parents are
Scott:no thing.
Jamie:I'm like, I'm so much smarter than they are. And then when things start happening, when your mom's like, you watch, you'll see. You're like, no, it's not. And then Nancy and I say it, we say it all the time, we're like, oh my god, our parents were so right.
Scott:So right. Youth is wasted on the young. That is very true. That's what's so. I'm telling you that BU education era is Fucking nailed it.
Jamie:Coming through like crazy.
Scott:Yo. Nailed it. Crazy. Fucking nailed it.
Jamie:But, yeah, man. So here we are, day five of our Crazy Hockey Dads mini camp. Again, most of us are at tournaments or showcases this weekend.
Scott:So good luck to everyone.
Jamie:I was just going to say good luck. Hopefully, everybody does well. Right? Hopefully, everybody does well. It has and hopefully, the last four days have helped you along with today and you're not having a meltdown week one.
Jamie:Listen, you're probably going
Scott:to have a meltdown. But listen, just use these tools to
Jamie:To mitigate.
Scott:Right. In our house, we tell our kids, you know, it's okay to feel however you feel, but like it's what you do with those feelings that is most important. So you wanna have a you're you're freaking out, that's not a problem. You're sad, you're crying, not a problem. But what are you gonna do next?
Scott:And those are the things that, you know, are gonna make a difference. And I think those are some of, like, what we've tried to share is that, like, when you're in these tight spots, you know, over the course of this weekend Yeah. This coming month, the rest of the season. There are things that you can do in order to get through those tougher times without your kids.
Jamie:Without having a meltdown.
Scott:Or if you do, but I don't know. The goal is not meltdown prevention. No, sort of. It's mitigation.
Jamie:It is. That's true. And if you do have a meltdown, at least you you handle it the correct way. Yeah. Like you did when when you called me.
Scott:Yep.
Jamie:Right? Go
Scott:go me.
Jamie:Go you is right. That was well done. You you're taking our advice, which
Scott:I am.
Jamie:Clearly is working because we're in 26 countries.
Scott:Fucking crazy. And thank you for all the listeners. I'm assuming when this is out, we've probably picked up a few new spots. Anyone that's just tuning in for the first time this week, thank you one, thank you all. Welcome.
Scott:So yeah, man. Calm parents raise Yes. Calm
Jamie:Manage stress and calm parents. That is today's topic.
Scott:Calm parents raise calm kids. What do think about that?
Jamie:Not emotional parents raise kids that know how to handle their emotions.
Scott:Yeah.
Jamie:Right? Mean, Warren Buffett always says, you want to be the the most emotionally checked person in the room. It's important. It's huge. Yeah.
Jamie:Right? Normally, when you're emotional, you don't make good decisions. You don't say the right thing.
Scott:Yep.
Jamie:Right? That's why I tell my kids all the time, you need to control your emotions.
Scott:And so when you say control your emotions, let's talk a little bit about some like real practical tactical things that one could do when inevitably they're gonna be in a spot where it is just, you know, not a good day at the rink. So something that I do
Jamie:What do you do?
Scott:One thing that
Jamie:Besides I do calling me.
Scott:Is I step out of the rink.
Jamie:And you call me.
Scott:I did. I called you. I said I'm in a fucking meltdown. Fucking crazy.
Jamie:Practice one, ten minutes in.
Scott:Done. Over. Yeah.
Jamie:When I saw it's funny. I actually didn't know you were there. When I saw that your your your number come up on my phone, I was like And then you could tell your voice immediately. It happens. It happens to all of us.
Scott:Yeah, 100%.
Jamie:Yeah. But it helped you.
Scott:Yeah, but so what did I do?
Jamie:Yeah. Like the fucking You have all these strategy and then once you freak out, they go out the window.
Scott:Well, listen, so strategy one in helping maintain my calm
Jamie:Was walk out of rink.
Scott:Walk out of
Jamie:the rink? Yeah.
Scott:I phoned a friend.
Jamie:Millionaire. Phoned a friend. Millionaire. Yeah.
Scott:You know
Jamie:I'll take a fiftyfifty.
Scott:What was the one where like the guy like he phoned a friend Phoned
Jamie:a friend?
Scott:He phoned his dad he
Jamie:Oh, he told me he's gonna win a million dollars.
Scott:He's like, Dad, I just wanna let you know dude, I just wanted to be the first person to know that I won a million know?
Jamie:I'm about to win a million dollars.
Scott:That's right. Was epic.
Jamie:What was he? It was a fifty fifty phone a friend. What was one of the other ones? I haven't watched I haven't watched the show I don't know. Since Reed just did it.
Jamie:So I I don't even know.
Scott:Okay. Well, anyway Anyway. So so that's
Jamie:your strategy. So you walk out of the rink.
Scott:Yep. Okay? And so all in an effort to
Jamie:And keep that was my helpful too.
Scott:It was 100%, it was helpful.
Jamie:I understand that. I've done it
Scott:before. And look, is there a part of me that wishes that I've had better emotional regulation at the time where I could sleep over course. And just like But no, didn't at the time. I left the rink, cooled off, and got some perspective and everything is okay. Nice.
Scott:So
Jamie:I like it.
Scott:You know, one of the things that's also important, I think that we're not gonna get it right every time. I certainly don't. And one of the things that's gonna be really important, we talk about modeling behavior for our kids and Yeah. You know, it's they're your kids are gonna see you having a tough time sometimes. And like, it could be as simple as maybe somewhat I don't want to say direct with them specifically, but maybe more passive where you leave the rink and that signals to your kid that you're upset.
Jamie:Yeah. So
Scott:on the other side of that is, like, kind of the idea of reconciling that with your kid just to let them know that, hey, listen. I need to step out of the rink for, like, whatever reason. And, you know, you don't I'm not saying, you know, use your kid as your therapist. But what I am saying is that give them some perspective as to what was going on potentially. And only say that because kids are gonna make up their own stories.
Scott:Like maybe I walked out of a rink because I'm super pissed at this ref. And I'm walking out of the rink because I don't wanna yell You at the
Jamie:don't wanna motherfuck the ref.
Scott:I don't wanna, but my kid sees me walking
Jamie:And out he's like, the oh, my dad's pissed at me.
Scott:My dad's pissed at me. Yeah, yeah. Right? So it's like that could be
Jamie:No, no, that's a good thing to obviously communicate. We talk about communication, right? Make sure you communicate with your guys to, you know, if that happens, right?
Scott:Yes. Smart? No, 100%. Very smart. So again, I think that that part is important.
Scott:Yeah. But the other the other thing that I think can be, oh, I don't know. I don't know if confused is the right thing.
Jamie:But
Scott:just because you're you're staying calm
Jamie:Right.
Scott:Right? Doesn't mean that like you cannot still be assertive or No. Of course. Or
Jamie:You just deliver it differently.
Scott:Whatever the the deal is.
Jamie:Yeah.
Scott:So again, I think part of like the staying calm piece is that you wanna have tools that you can use when things are getting out of sorts. And then also reminding yourself that if you do wanna communicate something that has more like, you know, seriousness behind it, that just a reminder that being calm does not necessarily mean like you're being soft either.
Jamie:No, no, does not.
Scott:Right.
Jamie:Yeah, no. You can be calm and pull the emotion out of it and still deliver a stern of course you can. It's all about how you deliver things, especially to young people. I think that managing your emotions and your stress level is very important because if you go into one of these games where your stress level is up already and your emotions are up already, most of the time that does not end well. No.
Jamie:Right? Because this game gets emotional. Parents get emotional in the stands. Kids get emotional on the ice, parents get emotional in the stands. Emotions and stress are a part of this game.
Jamie:So you need to mitigate that to set a good example for your kids.
Scott:So here's like a few scenarios where practicing where you think this is gonna come in helpful. Right? You're gonna have situations where you are emotionally losing it with your kid. You might have situations where you're losing it at least within between your own years with the coach. Yeah.
Scott:Right? Another parent or like one of your but your sons
Jamie:No question.
Scott:Or daughter's teammates
Jamie:No question.
Scott:That is just like would whatever
Jamie:Whatever the issue is.
Scott:Whatever the issue is. So there's a whole host of scenarios where you're
Jamie:Stresses and emotions are built into this game. Maybe more so than other games. I'm sure they have their stresses and emotions too, but for some reason, this game of ours, holy crap. The stresses are huge and real. And you don't want to take that out on your kid.
Jamie:We also have to be aware of that. Right. That's huge.
Scott:So here's some other things that are just like I don't know if they're not random. But we talk about tools that can help mitigate some of this stuff and some of the things that I do.
Jamie:Leave the rink.
Scott:Leave the rink.
Jamie:Phone a friend.
Scott:Phone a but even so, there was a game, and I shared this on a different podcast, but like Take some deep breaths. Well, I was just about to say breathing. Huge. Yeah. Breathing Resets everything.
Scott:Definitely helps reset. There was a game that I shared where there was a dad who was wildly loud and wildly obnoxious. So I put on my ear pods and listened to music during the
Jamie:I remember that.
Scott:So I didn't let continue to listen to him and continue to get mad and then continue
Jamie:to because all it does is wind you up.
Scott:Just winds me
Jamie:up. So
Scott:I was like, instead of
Jamie:That's not
Scott:good for anybody. Instead of, like, you know, saying something back, I I tuned Tuned to mouth. Literally That tuned to
Jamie:was the adult thing to do. Because it's easy to go over to him and say, hey, loudmouth. Shut the fuck up.
Scott:Right. Easy. Right? That's how I felt.
Jamie:I'm sure you did.
Scott:I'm also surrounded by parents that don't need to put in their headphones and also don't motherfuck the
Jamie:So parent out
Scott:those parents, that wasn't a situation that was getting them worked up. But for me in that time, that's what I needed to do to keep calm.
Jamie:Listen, at the end of the day, I think that all of the things that we've talked about for the last five days, as parents, we need to be disciplined.
Scott:That's definitely part of it.
Jamie:Right? We need to be very disciplined. And if you have a hard time staying in a rink and not freaking out, remove yourself. That's why I don't watch practice because I would get so wound up I'd stop watching practice. Now maybe because of our podcast or our podcast obviously has helped me, I can watch practice and not give a shit which is shocking to me.
Jamie:But we always talk about baby steps, little progresses. So it's worked for me for And whatever reason,
Scott:I was listening to this parenting it was, I guess, more or less a parenting podcast. And the woman who's very well known, and my wife says to me, her name's like Doctor. Becky.
Jamie:Okay.
Scott:And so Doctor. Becky apparently has, you know, she's well thought of In that in the parenting space.
Jamie:Yeah.
Scott:And so I was telling her, I was like, you know, so I had this like Doctor. Becky on and she said a lot of things, and she's like, you're only listening to doctor Becky now. And I was like, listen. At least I'm listening.
Jamie:Know, probably my progress. She tried to get you to listen to, like, ten years ago?
Scott:No. Well, she had sent me things, and and I'd listened to them, but they were more, like, just, like, clips. I never listened to,
Jamie:like They're like, doctor Becky sucks.
Scott:No. I never said Doctor. But Becky what she was talking about and she was like, you know, parents when, you know, you have your bad moments and then you start maybe you feel guilty. Then maybe you start thinking to yourself, I'm a bad crazy parent. And she made a point of differentiating between a good parent that has a bad moment as opposed to being a bad parent.
Scott:And those are two very different things. And the story that you tell yourself, and these are the things that we also tell our children, like the words that you, you know, and the stories you tell yourself, they matter. They do. But in moments when I've gone off the rails, in the context of You've hobby
Jamie:been off the rails?
Scott:No. Yes. Maybe. Possible. Sometimes.
Scott:It's possible. Maybe Regular. Maybe one time. Once, but only once. Then there was many years ago.
Scott:I
Jamie:just remember the Billy Crystal movie when he was with Robert De Niro just once and it was a thumping and the guaccalude. It was from Analyze This, I wanna say.
Scott:Oh, Yeah. Analyze This. Yeah.
Jamie:Goes he goes, hit the pillow and he shoots the pillow. He goes, you feel better? Yeah. I do. So, guys, if you have a gun, just shoot a pillow.
Jamie:I'm joking. Don't shoot a pillow. But you can punch a pillow, just not in front of your kid.
Scott:Fair. And just yeah.
Jamie:Anyway Anything to manage your stress. We need to shoot a pillow.
Scott:Right. But but part of this is also
Jamie:like Just
Scott:do it safely. Like, you're you're not gonna get this right every time. And if you do get it wrong and in those moments you do get it wrong, just also remember that like everyone everyone has their moments
Jamie:Everyone.
Scott:And it doesn't mean
Jamie:We all made
Scott:mistakes. That like, you you know, just because you ripped into your kid doesn't mean that that's the end of it, right? Like, don't make a habit out of it, Of course.
Jamie:Right. If you could not make a habit out of it.
Scott:But then she would also say, and I thought this also makes a lot of This is Beck. This is Doctor. Becky, so shout out to Doctor. Becky. Doctor.
Scott:Beck. So she was also talking about the importance of like, if you have those moments where like you over, like lean into your kid or dig into your kid or hit your head, your kid over the head with like, you know, I can't believe you. You know, what a terrible game. What the
Jamie:hell were
Scott:you thinking? Like, oh, everyone, this was something you should have done last year. Whatever the fuck it is. Right. Right?
Scott:She was saying after those moments, like, you're gonna have them, but how the importance of like repairing like with your kid and, you know
Jamie:Yes.
Scott:Just acknowledging that, look
Jamie:That you made a mistake.
Scott:That I made a mistake. You're gonna make mistakes, I make mistakes.
Jamie:And that is a good I tell my kid that all the time. It's funny you mention that because I say, hey, listen, mom and dad make mistakes too. It happens. You recognize a mistake, you apologize for it because that's what men do. You have to recognize mistakes and then apologize for it.
Jamie:Yep. Right? And then you move on and you fix it.
Scott:Right. And you fix it.
Jamie:And you fix it.
Scott:Yeah. And so it's a learning process on both ends. Yes. And you know, again That's for sure. This is gonna be a long season.
Scott:Oh, yeah. And I just want to take a moment, kind of just to scroll to top, James, if we go back here and take a look and like over like kind of like a recap, if you will.
Jamie:Of day one through five?
Scott:Well, yeah. And then, you know, just what I was about to reintroduce is the idea of remember why you signed up.
Jamie:Remember why you signed up, day one.
Scott:Right. So check-in with yourself. Why are we here? And it's about building
Jamie:It's about Raising
Scott:a good child.
Jamie:Right, building skills that will help your child move forward and become a good human being, a good adult.
Scott:Right. And you want to maintain positivity. And you want to make sure that there's joy and that this is all something that they're going to stick with so they can absorb all these life lessons and not just be hit over the head with this is a job and you're a professional, my seven year old son.
Jamie:Right? Right.
Scott:And then, okay, so along the way, day two. Day two, Communication. So that's gonna have to be part of this season. And in your toolbox, you're gonna need to use your voice to either talk to your kid, to your team To manager
Jamie:your coach.
Scott:To your coach.
Jamie:Another parent.
Scott:Whoever it might be.
Jamie:Whoever it is.
Scott:So what do we talk about? Twenty four to thirty six hours?
Jamie:Yeah.
Scott:Right?
Jamie:Oh,
Scott:yeah. And then try to do it as the camera sees it. Right? Like
Jamie:Yeah. Well said. I like that. By how the camera sees it.
Scott:Yes. Right. Yes. Remove the judgments, remove the criticisms. Just like what are the facts as the camera sees it?
Scott:Yes. Right?
Jamie:Correct.
Scott:All right. So day two. Then rolling into day three, we talked about managing expectations, and we talked about the comparison problems. Yes. The problems that arise with comparing yourself.
Jamie:Don't compare your kid to another kid.
Scott:Right.
Jamie:Yeah. Make sure you're honest with yourself about where your kid is at the start of the season Yep. And go from there. And look six months down the road when you're finished and see what got better. And that's how you do it.
Scott:And if and if you're not sure where your kid is or how your kid stacks up or you just either want
Jamie:Ask the coach.
Scott:Ask the coach. Yeah. Ask the coach. But it's really He'll
Jamie:give you an honest assessment. You would hope. I would think so.
Scott:I would think so.
Jamie:Unless he's a dick.
Scott:Well, I mean, listen. Which is
Jamie:which there are coaches that are dicks.
Scott:But, like, there are coaches out there that don't necessarily do a great job of communicating Hopefully, you're hard conversations with parents. Right?
Jamie:You're right about that.
Scott:So that that does No
Jamie:question does. I have my fingers crossed that none of our listeners are in that situation.
Scott:Right. So you don't wanna compare your kid to the other kids on the team. No. You wanna compare your kid to To your kid. To your kid yesterday.
Jamie:When they started the
Scott:season. Right. Yeah. You were here, now you're here.
Jamie:Right, what got better?
Scott:What got better. Right, keep it positive. Yep. Exactly.
Jamie:Yep, that was day three, right? So now day four, yesterday, Thursday, we were all about staying positive, like you said. Yeah, staying positive and keeping the confidence high.
Scott:Right, so we want a positive mindset. We wanna try to do what we can to help keep our kids confidence. Good head space. And if it breaks down, we wanna work to build it back up.
Jamie:Yeah, it'll
Scott:take time. And that mindset, again, is something that they're gonna go through, their ebbs and flows. No question. You're in a position you just are, I don't know, there's a bad game or a bad shift Yep, happens. Absolutely.
Scott:Say Before anything, just remember your kid's confidence, if you're the kind of person that is always giving your kid negative feedback, their confidence is more important than any one game, any one shift.
Jamie:No question about it. It's a long game. It's a marathon, not a sprint.
Scott:Right. And also be a good listener.
Jamie:Be a good listener to your kid.
Scott:Stay positive, not punitive. And also let's not forget that many say your reaction becomes their inner voice. So if you say something, do I want my kid saying that to themselves in the same way that I'm saying it?
Jamie:No. You need to deliver it the right way so you don't tear your kid down.
Scott:In a way that's productive.
Jamie:And then managing stress, which is manage your own stress. Manage your own stress. And your own discipline levels. That's super important. The discipline is huge.
Jamie:Like you said, if you cannot stay in the rink, walk out. Have discipline. Do not speak to the coach until twenty four hours or thirty six like Scott said. Do not be standing there waiting for them at the door. All of these things have discipline.
Jamie:If discipline in talking to your kid, even though you may be mad, but you know what? You need to know again where they are in their development level. You can't just be mad to be mad. If you're not working like Johnny's working, you can't compare your kid to that so you can't be mad about it. So you need to check yourself and have discipline as an adult and really remember, day one, remember why you signed up for this.
Jamie:What's the end goal? I think if you think about that, you will be able to navigate this season's waters maybe a little easier.
Scott:Yeah. And remember to breathe.
Jamie:Oh, yeah. Deep breaths.
Scott:Lots of Don't hesitate to hit the pause button.
Jamie:Don't hit the send button.
Scott:And don't hit the send button. Look, all these things, they're simple but not easy. Are with plenty of experiences between us where we got this all wrong.
Jamie:Definitely simple but not easy. What we're saying is not easy at all.
Scott:Right. Yeah.
Jamie:But as an adult, I think you need to look at the bigger picture. And the bigger picture is obviously the development and the growth of your child. And you need to kind of check yourself a little bit if you
Scott:can. Right.
Jamie:And I hope that these five days have given you some tools to check yourself and maybe have you deal with your kid in a bunch of these situations in a better way than you did in the years past.
Scott:Yeah. Right? Yep. Progress, not perfection. And just keep trying to practice these tools.
Jamie:Yeah. It doesn't happen overnight. But like you, I'm clearly getting better at this. Clearly, you are as well. So it's working.
Scott:Yes. Right? 60% of the time.
Jamie:It works every time.
Scott:That's what I'm saying.
Jamie:That doesn't make any sense.
Scott:Not even a little.
Jamie:So I hope you guys all have a wonderful hockey season. I hope you
Scott:Yes. Good luck to everyone that's playing this weekend.
Jamie:Let's go. I hope you guys have an awesome season. I wish you no heartache and nothing but success. I'm excited. I'm sure you are, Scott.
Scott:Absolutely. I'm sure
Jamie:all of you guys out there listening are. We really hope that this helped you, this little mini camp that we put together. Drop us a line. Let us know if you liked it, something a little different.
Scott:Yeah. And honestly, any experiences that any of you listeners have had, been in tight situations or perhaps you've done, you have other tools that you've used to help you get through sticky situations, please don't hesitate to share, wanna learn from all of you. We certainly don't have all the answers. That is for sure, but we're just sitting here talking to you about things that and we've things that we've used that have worked sometimes not all the time.
Jamie:Listen, we're still learning too. We maybe just be a little farther down the road than some people.
Scott:Or not as far down as others.
Jamie:That is very true. So we wish you guys nothing but the best this weekend. I hope your kids crush it. Enjoy it. It doesn't last long.
Jamie:I have a friend of mine whose son just finished playing last year.
Scott:Oh, wow.
Jamie:He graduated high school and she's like, Jamie, I don't know what to do with myself. Hockey's over. It comes to a grinding halt. I don't think he was good enough to play juniors, so it just stopped.
Scott:It just stopped. One day, it just stops.
Jamie:And she misses it terribly. So all of us should just like when our kids were small and you don't want to rush your kids are small because they're only small for a certain amount of time, our kids are only playing this game for a certain amount of time.
Scott:We want
Jamie:to make sure that we enjoy it.
Scott:And make the best of it.
Jamie:And make the best of it. This was awesome, dude.
Scott:It was, absolutely so.
Jamie:This five days was great. I hope you guys really enjoyed that. Yeah. Because we enjoyed doing it.
Scott:Absolutely. All right, bud. Thank you, Juan.
Jamie:We'll see you guys after the Labor Day weekend.
Scott:Yeah, have a great holiday. Yes. Good luck, everyone.
Jamie:Yes, take care. See you, bud.
Scott:Alright. Peace.
Jamie:See you later.