Open to What Is

The more I try to engage with my thoughts and feelings as content to be quantified by some omniscient ranking algorithm, the more shallow, narrow, and defended my experience of myself and of others becomes.

Show Notes

Whenever I make certain ways of being/thinking/feeling a problem (and, by implication, elevate some ways of being/thinking/doing as superior to others) I'm acting like a ranking system. I morph into an evaluation mechanism, and divide myself up into warring parts.

There's Good Me. Bad Me. Extraordinary Me. Disappointing Me.  All these categories that are just a reflection of how I perceive the world outside me.)  And the more that internalize this system and the longer I'm in dialogue with myself this way, the farther from my intention I get. Because what happens is not that all the parts of me suddenly fall into line. It's not like berating myself magically inspires the resistant parts of me suddenly rise to the occasion and I magically behave the way I think I ought to behave.

On the contrary. The more I engage with my thoughts and feelings as though all I am is content to be quantified by some omniscient ranking algorithm, the more shallow, narrow, and defended my experience of myself and of others becomes. 

What is Open to What Is?

This isn’t the podcast I was supposed to create.

I had something polished and impressive in mind.

This is more interesting.

You should listen to it.

A bit of background:
I’d already committed to publishing a daily podcast when I got (very, very, very) sick with Long (very, very, very long) COVID.

So, I had a choice:
I could give up, or I could keep my commitment and include my constant exhaustion, fever, foggy-brain, relentless cough —and do my best.

I chose the latter.

My “best” varies quite a bit according to how well or poorly I feel on a given day.

The episodes are raw, out of order, unedited, with uneven audio quality, You’ll often hear my Pekingese, Bija barking in the background.

Sometimes I talk to myself, sometimes I talk to you. Sometimes I have no idea who I’m talking to. It’s a true potpourri.

And it’s not just overhearing me wax poetic through a stuffy nose about new insights and the insufferable discomfort of upended plans. There’s more!

In between the fragments of thought, feeling, and utter nonsense, is a timely and universal story about expectations, meaning making, dropping all agendas, and discovering what’s possible when we Open to What Is.

Tune in.
Sample a few episodes.

See if you can drop all expectations and allow yourself to be surprised and delighted by something you didn’t know you were looking for.

So we're going to talk about why there never needs to be an inner conversation of about quitting not to the things that we're deeply committed to. before we talk about this though, I'd like to invite you as always, just to check in with where you are as you are notice how you're feeling in your body

notice the quality of your thinking notice what emotion or emotions are most present right now
and just welcome whatever is here to be here there's nothing to change there's nothing to get rid of. And for the next few minutes there's nowhere to go nowhere to be and really nothing to do it's just us and the rest of the world

letting ourselves be still and I'm taking a little extra time in this in between pausing space because I know when I'm practicing sometimes my mind can and have a tendency to want to rush forward
or drop out in these in between spaces and so if you're anything like me just notice that and welcome that, say 'hello!' hello rushing mind. Hello restlessness Hello impatience if there's a part of you that is really grateful for the extra time to linger and stillness and no agenda say nice to notice I want to do more of this This feels good. Where you can affirm what feels good, what's happening. just acknowledging witnessing your lived experience seeing yourself as you are paying attention to all your beautiful details

the more those parts within you that need nourishing and nurturing the more those parts
will respond with the resonance of your awareness

maybe this will go in a different direction. Maybe this won't be about quitting at all. It will just be about listening in. The choice the opportunity The the privilege that's always available that's always available to acknowledge the truth of our experience our whole experience with kindness gentleness openness Something I've noticed is that when I've made certain ways of being/ thinking/ feeling a problem... when I've made certain ways of being/thinking /doing superior to others... I've created kind of an internal ranking system - an internal evaluation. The good me, the bad me, the extraordinary me, the disappointing me ...when I've created all of these divisions ( and the categories are just a reflection of the world outside.) But when I really internalize that and I'm I'm in dialogue with myself that way. What happens is not that like all the parts of me just getting into line and they just, they just everything just rises to the occasion and behaves the way I think I ought to behave... it's not like I just get it together.

On the contrary, it's, it's more like I just I just stop seeing more and more - like I'm hiding from myself usually it's with busyness - and it becomes kind of like blinders. And I noticed that it's harder and harder to slow down and pause and get quiet and take a look you know, turn on the the inner lights and see what's what's going on because I don't want to see the mess.

And a lot of that has to do with the fact that there are parts of me that just don't want to get screamed at or put down or yelled at or whatever.

I think it's possible to go years decades even a pretty fragmented conversation with ourselves if we don't think it's safe to tell the truth it's a place we can start - just acknowledging the fear.

it's like I know something is up self. I know everything is not above board right now. I know. Some things out of integrity. Something something is just not right. I don't know what it is. Somewhere I know what it is somewhere unconsciously but but it's not available. I can't see what to connect. We can trust that there's a wisdom there that slowing us down forcing us to take our time. And we can just honor that and say okay, I get it. I get it. It's okay. It's okay. But I know there's something there and I want I want to see more.

We might start to notice the way we talk to and about ourselves just in daily life the kind of casual throwaway language we use to talk about how we are how we look - things like oh my God, I'm such a mess. Or slob aren't so disorganized or I'm Oh, I'm just a lazy person or alternatively I'm so stressed out I'm just always too busy my dog is singing in the background you might hear him or I just not good at relationships...

I guess that's my cue. Dogs are amazing because they say they let us know when they want attention on our bodies to to an our emotions due to we do so much communicating or just need to listen

I'm gonna listen to my animal but I invite you to check back in with yourself. See how you're feeling. Notice if you've become aware of anything going on within you. thank yourself for showing up and practicing and if you'd like to dedicate this episode to a part of you or to anyone that brings you closer to the truth of yourself. I invite you to do that. Oh wow. He's really going now. All right. That's my cue.