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Mental health and Spirituality with a dollop of Comedy? We're UnBadding, Baby! One episode at a time. Dayna Pereira and Jessica Pressly, two sisters on two very different paths, explore what it means to "unbad". That Inner Critic in your head? We’re UnBadding it.. Societal pressure to make everything appear perfect? We’re UnBadding it! We’re UnBadding ALL the things, every Thursday. Join the journey! And don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!
UnBadding; A Mental Health and Spirituality Podcast
Unbadding.com
Email us at unbadding@gmail.com
Intro/Outro Music by Jenna Getty linktr.ee/jennagetty
Lyrics by Dayna Pereira
Bedding. Unbedding. To another episode of Unbadding. I'm Jessica Presley. And I'm Dana Pereira.
Jessica Pressly:Dana, it's been a while. It's been a couple of weeks. We are finally back, and I have missed it so much.
Dayna Pereira:I I should we didn't even give a warning that we were not going to be I mean, we knew.
Jessica Pressly:We knew.
Dayna Pereira:But we didn't tell anybody. Not for any particular reason, I guess. Maybe we just forgot. I don't know.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. I think that we just kinda forgot. I think also we thought it would be 1 week, but then it'd be 2 weeks.
Dayna Pereira:And then it ended up being 3 weeks.
Jessica Pressly:Oh, has it been 3 weeks?
Dayna Pereira:I think so.
Jessica Pressly:Wow. Okay.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. I think this is gonna be the 3rd week. But, I had a surgery, and then I was laid up for a couple of weeks. Yeah. I ended up with, like, a fever and thought that I had an infection.
Dayna Pereira:It turns out I just have kids.
Jessica Pressly:Yes. Those little germ monsters, they're bringing home all the yucks.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. Especially whenever you have just like, your body has just gone through a surgery, so it's just, like, picking up on all of the
Jessica Pressly:stuff. Yeah. Like, your immune system's already, like, focusing on healing and doing all these things, then it's, like, intruder, intruder, alert, alert, alert. Yeah. And what's really funny
Dayna Pereira:so, guys, I'll just be perfectly honest with you. It was a vanity surgery, 100%.
Jessica Pressly:This was elective. I don't know why the electric slide comes in my head every time I say electric. It's elective. I don't know. It's just there every time.
Jessica Pressly:Anyway
Dayna Pereira:So whenever I got this fever, I went into panic mode. I thought, oh my god. My body is going to, like, have sepsis, and I'm gonna die from my face.
Jessica Pressly:You know what? I could definitely see your brain going there. I definitely could. You're like, I'm gonna die because of a vanity surgery.
Dayna Pereira:Well, remember before I had the surgery, you were like, are you worried about anything? And I was like, yes. My biggest fear is that I die on the table and then everybody is like, oh, she was getting, you know, plastic surgery or whatever. And that's how she died. I'm like, that's how do you put that on a tombstone?
Jessica Pressly:I mean, for your sake, I wouldn't.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. Yeah. She was face lifted to god. If I would have died,
Jessica Pressly:that's what you would
Dayna Pereira:have needed. Put on. Yeah.
Jessica Pressly:That's what I needed to put on. Gosh. I wish you would have me that ahead of time. Luckily, we did not need that because I would not have been clever or witty enough to come up with that
Dayna Pereira:on my own. Oy. So that was my big fear. And whenever I was, like, fever dreaming, I just kept going back to, like, oh my god, Dana. You have wasted so much of your life scrolling on Instagram.
Jessica Pressly:As you're having, like, this, like, this life flash before your eyes?
Dayna Pereira:I I mean, it doesn't help that I also had a surgery many years ago that ended in them telling me that I had a potentially terminal disease that I did not. Mhmm. So, you know, now, whenever it comes to doctors, there's a little bit of some trust issues there.
Jessica Pressly:Right.
Dayna Pereira:And the doctor was telling me, no. No. No. You're probably fine. And I was like, I'm dying.
Dayna Pereira:100%.
Jessica Pressly:I know. I know I'm dead. I know I'm dying. Yeah. And I've spent all my life scrolling Instagram.
Dayna Pereira:And then I would be like, how much time could I have placed in other areas? Like, if I wasn't in a doom scroll or comparison scroll with, you know, other people, I could have, I don't know, bought all of the ingredients to bake a cake, and then my daughter come home from school and my little baker
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:Made a treat. Right. Or I could have, you know, I don't know, insert any other activity here. Right. That you could have done to be more present?
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. You know, it's like we always get more out of something than we're asking for whenever your heart and your mind are open to the lesson and the deeper understanding and the deeper meaning of things. And surely, you didn't go into this with the idea that you were going to have this profound revelation or this deeper understanding of yourself and your time. Yet here you are, like, with all of this time to reflect and no capability of moving around or going anywhere or doing anything for yourself. And from that, like, you've really had this this impactful, revelation come up for you.
Dayna Pereira:I did. And it's it's funny too because you and I have talked a lot, and we will probably talk in the future about duality as well. And so I had this revelation, and I was, like, that is it. Like, I don't wanna be on social media. I don't wanna be doing this, this, and that.
Dayna Pereira:I I, like, I really wanted to make a change, but with that, you also need to give yourself some compassion and grace because changes don't happen overnight. Right. And so, you know, the next day I would find myself scrolling, and I would be like, nope. Put it down. And I would put it down and I would try and do something else, but some days are gonna be better than others.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. And we gotta give ourselves some grace. Right? And and another thing that we talk about a lot is balance. Mhmm.
Jessica Pressly:It's not all one or the other. A lot of what, we do with the podcast, a lot of, what you do with your other podcasts or other outlets creatively, that you use on social media, that's a part of you, and it's a part of your life. So walking away from that doesn't make any sense, Yeah. But having balance within that so that you can, on a day, have a little mom and daughter time and baking and having a treat or however you wanna spend your time.
Dayna Pereira:I think mostly it's that I don't want to get frustrated. So it it's funny because a lot of these episodes that we go into, we don't, like, always preplan what it is. Jess and I get together, and we go, what's coming up for you this week? Mhmm. And that's kind of how we go.
Dayna Pereira:And this was something, obviously, that I had been, like, going through. And so a lot of times, we kind of trip and fall into whatever subject matter that we but I think that's what makes it authentic to us.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. Absolutely. I couldn't agree more.
Dayna Pereira:So this week, we're talking about being present. And what is being present? It's being focused intently on one thing
Jessica Pressly:without, like, all the distraction. Right. But, also, I feel like a a another piece to add to that would be, to focus on one thing that you are currently experiencing.
Dayna Pereira:Mhmm.
Jessica Pressly:So, for me, I could be focusing really intently on a worry or anxiety or an obtrusive thought.
Dayna Pereira:Right.
Jessica Pressly:That is not being present.
Dayna Pereira:No. It's not.
Jessica Pressly:But when I'm in that space of over worry, overthinking, sometimes I use the skill of being present to get me back in my body and to get me out of my head. And sometimes for me, that looks like just saying, where are my feet? Mhmm. And it's, like, such a simple thing to say, but really when I start to focus, I'm like, okay. My feet are in my shoes.
Jessica Pressly:My shoes are on the ground. I am sitting in the podcast. This is what I'm doing. And that helps me from a very simplistic place, get back to where I am now and being fully present.
Dayna Pereira:One of my favorite things about being present is really savoring flavors, and I know that that's, like, such a silly thing in life, but, like, food and drink and taste and texture, all of that, like, it just makes me feel good.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:And so, like, especially in the morning, like, holding my mug with both hands and feeling the warmth in between there Mhmm. And then bringing it up to my mouth and feeling how that warmth transfers from here to there Mhmm. And then taking a sip and tasting the coffee and the cream that I had put into it. It's oat milk creamer, actually, that just turned me on too. And, like, focusing on that and, like, how it feels going into my mouth and then that warmth transferring down my throat and that just all of that, like, really paying attention
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:To those little things, like, that is a moment of being fully present.
Jessica Pressly:So this what you're talking about with the coffee has me, thinking about something that I do with 1 of the girls. My oldest daughter, Shay, has a lot of trouble sleeping. We've talked about it before. And sometimes at night, she's getting a little caught up in her head, a little trapped in her worries. And one time, just on a whim, I forget what we were doing, and she always wants a little snack before bed.
Dayna Pereira:Mhmm.
Jessica Pressly:And so she had some cashews, and so I was like, hey. Let's play a game. And so I was like, okay. I want you to close your eyes, and I want you to just trace your mouth with the cashew. And so I went through this whole thing.
Jessica Pressly:We were like, is it rough? Is it smooth? Uh-huh. Is it colder than your tongue or warmer than your tongue? Yeah.
Jessica Pressly:Is it salty? Now crack it open. Feel the inside. What does the inside of the cashew feel like? And we would just go step by step by step.
Jessica Pressly:And now she asks for that at nighttime whenever she's having a hard time falling asleep. She's like, mom, can we do the thing with the cashews? Kind of able to settle in and go to bed. And these, like, little things that we're gonna do, like, kind of able to settle in and go to bed. And these, like, little things that I do with the kids and this thing that you do with your coffee, it's like, why not fully if we're gonna nourish our bodies and feed our souls, why not be fully present in that moment and and enjoy it?
Jessica Pressly:This is where joy can come from, the smallest things.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. And it's hard to do. It's really hard in our everyday lives to slow down and be fully present. I mean, one thing, our brains are going a 100 miles per hour every single second of the day. Like, how often are you in your head and it's just like, it doesn't stop.
Dayna Pereira:There's non stop chatter worrying about something that happened in the past, or you have to get ready for something that's coming in the future. You know, like I, especially having kids, it's like, okay. Well, okay. I gotta get up. I gotta let the dogs out.
Dayna Pereira:I gotta make lunch. I gotta wake the kids up. I gotta make sure they're ready for school. I gotta and so it's not easy to wake up in the morning and be like, I'm fully present in this moment because you have 7,000 things to do. Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:Mhmm. So, I mean, it's just there's a lot of reasons why it could be really hard. Also, in our brains, we're judging all the time.
Jessica Pressly:Sure. Yeah. I think that, that is definitely a skill that requires practice Mhmm. Turning the voice down, turning the volume down on a business cards. Here's one for you.
Jessica Pressly:Here's one for you. Here's one for you. I think everyone should read it. It's called The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.
Dayna Pereira:I was gifted that one. Yes.
Jessica Pressly:It's a good one. But it is just really about this realization of what is going on in the mind. One of my favorite quotes from there, there is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind. You are the one that hears it. And that book was so life changing for me.
Jessica Pressly:I've heard the saying, like, you are not your thoughts. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not my thoughts. But this book explained it to me in a way that was so visceral. And I was able to digest it and put it into practice, and it really helped me. And and I still go back and read the book, because, again, it's a practice.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm. I've been living a certain way for, you know, maybe 38 years of my life before I read that book. Right. And our brains, like, they just wanna go the easiest direct route that it's used to taking. Mhmm.
Jessica Pressly:And so it's gonna keep going that route. The brain is going to go, it's going to go, it's going to go until you tell it to stop.
Dayna Pereira:Until you change those neuro pathways and make them go somewhere else. Right,
Jessica Pressly:Right. And so I was having a conversation with Dave the other day, and he's like, I just want, I don't know, 2 to 6 months of no stress and no worries. And I was like, I hear you. And he said some other things that he wanted too, and he was like, but, but, you know, the stress and worries thing is, like, the hardest one. And I was like, actually, I think that's the easiest one.
Jessica Pressly:And he's like, well, that's easy for you to say, because I'm the one that has to worry about our finances and paying the bills and this and that. And I'm like, that is your responsibility to our family. That is an area in which you support us. Mhmm. But worrying about it is a choice.
Jessica Pressly:That is a choice. Stressing about it is a choice. Mhmm. The way you interact
Dayna Pereira:you know, bring home the bacon or mousse or whatever the hell he was bringing home.
Jessica Pressly:Right. But being stressed about that. He wasn't sitting in his cave pacing back and forth, ruminating. Oh God, I gotta get food. What am I gonna do?
Jessica Pressly:I have to get food today. What, it's the winter. I don't know what's gonna happen. It's gonna be food. Oh my god.
Jessica Pressly:Like, think of the amount of energy that this person is expending Mhmm. Just in thought alone. It depletes your physical energy. Well and think about
Dayna Pereira:how often we're in a conversation with somebody, and I don't know. They say, I don't know, something, and it makes your brain go, I forgot. They say eggs, and you're like, oh, shit. I forgot. I need eggs at home.
Dayna Pereira:Okay. So I need to I need to to the grocery store, and they're still talking. Yep. Your brain has completely gone off the rails because they said a word that triggered a thought that made you go off the rails with it instead of being like, I know I have a thought. I'm gonna have to put that on the back burner while I continue to focus on this conversation.
Jessica Pressly:Right. Our brains are so easily distracted. And let's be real, everything is fighting for our attention. Yeah. And so our little human brains are like the the salesman's dream.
Jessica Pressly:You know? It's like, oh, I want one. Oh, I want that. Oh, I want this, you know? And so it's it's it's easy to distract us until you enter the exercise or the practice of remaining focused, remaining present, and intentionally choosing and noticing when you're not, and choosing to go back, and that's building those new neuro pathways.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. Well, so one thing that I've always taken pride in, I'm sure you have too. It was beat into us from and this is generations, not just from, you know, our parents, but women are so good at multitasking. Right. Well, if I'm so good at multitasking, that means that I'm really bad at being present.
Dayna Pereira:Exactly. Because I have to because I'm doing 17 things at once. If I'm doing 17 things at once, that means that I cannot fully focus and pay attention to one thing at a time. How shitty is that?
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. You know, and this is like the process of unbadding for us is, like, realizing these patterns and these generational ideas that have been put into us and with good intent. Right? Yeah. We come from generations of women who had to multitask and were pretty damn good at it, and they did a lot, and they did it well.
Jessica Pressly:Uh-huh. But that also has its consequences.
Dayna Pereira:And I think it has a lot to do with what your goal is. If my goal is to be the CEO of fucking Google, then, yeah, I'm gonna need to know how to multitask. If my goal is to, like, calm my mind and be present and lessen my anxiety and soothe my racing thoughts. Well, yeah, multitasking is not for me then.
Jessica Pressly:So let's talk about that though. We we talked a little bit about duality Mhmm. And we talked, earlier about that. But if you're the CEO of Google, I hope that you make time for yourself to slow down and be present and calm your mind and calm your racing thoughts, because you present and calm your mind and calm your racing thoughts, because you there's a time and a place for multitasking, and that can also have a time and a place for quieting the mind and being present so that when you are multitasking, you're doing it well.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. Totally. And and that goes back to the goals because you can have 2 different goals at different times. Right? It like, right now, I need to focus on being CEO, And then in 3 hours when I'm at home, I need to focus on being mom.
Dayna Pereira:And then when it's bedtime, I need to focus on calming and doing the things. Right. You know, like, it's it's all about what your goal is in that moment.
Jessica Pressly:And I love that. That's such a good way to paint the picture. It's like we are multifaceted. We can do so many things. But being present in the one thing that you're doing instead of making yourself so thin Mhmm.
Jessica Pressly:That you're not doing anything well. If you're giving yourself these, like, chunks of time to be fully present in your job, to be fully present as a mom when you come home, to be fully present with yourself at bedtime. We were that's not, like, really common culture, but I feel like with practice, it can be. It can be a part of your daily routine. Like, okay, this is the time where I give to myself.
Jessica Pressly:This is the time where I give to my kids. This is the time where I give to my job. And I really feel like that's, like, life balance.
Dayna Pereira:It is. Yes. I I've noticed too many times, and, honestly, it, like, makes me a little ashamed of myself, where I am, I don't know, looking something up for the show, or I'm trying to find a good trending reel so that I could do, you know, whatever for to grow on Instagram or something. And my daughter will come to me and she'll be like, mom, can we practice this, or can you watch me do that? And I'm like, oh, oh my god.
Dayna Pereira:Just, like, hold on a second. You know? Mhmm. Because whenever you are multitasking, have you noticed your inability to control your emotions? Have you noticed that when you were trying to do the dishes or make dinner or an a child or your husband or somebody interrupts that that you immediately get frustrated.
Dayna Pereira:And it's harder for people to regulate their emotions while they're multitasking.
Jessica Pressly:Do you think that's personal, or do you think that's across the board?
Dayna Pereira:I think that's across the board. I didn't write it down, but I I was reading about it earlier.
Jessica Pressly:Oh, okay.
Dayna Pereira:And it is like multitasking. For most people, it makes it harder to regulate your emotions.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. I would say that one of my biggest triggers as a mother is whenever I'm being interrupted or I'm trying to let's even say I'm trying to cook breakfast for my kids.
Dayna Pereira:Uh-huh.
Jessica Pressly:If they're in my way, I'm like Like Yeah. Like, I lose my breath. I'm like,
Dayna Pereira:get out of the kitchen. Yes. Just move. Yes.
Jessica Pressly:It feels really hard because I am. I'm cooking breakfast, and and cooking is multitasking. You know? I've got a lot going on in the brain. But trying
Dayna Pereira:to make sure your kids don't touch the stove in the middle of it.
Jessica Pressly:Exactly. Exactly. So, yeah, I can see how that multitasking makes it so hard to regulate.
Dayna Pereira:Mhmm.
Jessica Pressly:And to what you were saying before about, like, your daughter interrupting while you're, like, mid scroll or trying to do something, all our kids want is our attention.
Dayna Pereira:I know. That's like Mhmm.
Jessica Pressly:That's all they want is our attention. And so, can we give them all of our attention all the time? No. Is it even good for them? No.
Jessica Pressly:They can't have all our attention all the time. It's just not realistic. And our kids would have the biggest egos ever. Yeah.
Dayna Pereira:And and to that point, it's okay to be like, I gave you attention for 7 hours today, and right now I'm going to take time for myself. Right. Please go the fuck upstairs. Go to bed.
Jessica Pressly:But it does seem like they just want the attention right in the most inconvenient moment.
Dayna Pereira:Always. Always. Because because your focus went somewhere else. Right. And they're like, excuse me.
Dayna Pereira:Wait a minute. Right. I'm gonna need you to
Jessica Pressly:look at me. I saw you look away, and I am not okay with that. And what is the message that we're giving them in that moment? This thing, this laundry, this scroll, this text I'm sending for work
Dayna Pereira:Uh-huh.
Jessica Pressly:Is more important than you right now. Yeah. I had heard somebody share a story about, going into their parents' room at night. It was, like, her dad and stepmom, and she had a bad dream. And my ears perked up because my kids come into my room all the time with bad dreams.
Jessica Pressly:And she went in one time with a bad dream, and they said, you're fine. Go back to bed. Changed her life. How? Like, just never feeling, like, important enough or loved enough or worthy enough or that she could speak up for herself because of this one thing that happened.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. And that makes me so much more aware of what I'm doing with my kids, because I will say my kids Jordan's a decent sleeper. Shay has been a terrible sleeper all of her life. Yeah. I have not had consistent sleep for 8 years.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. It wears on a person. Yeah. For sure.
Jessica Pressly:So I'm a gremlin at night when they wake me up.
Dayna Pereira:Am I. And and I've noticed too that if you interrupt my sleep, and I don't care who you are, you're my husband, you're my kids, you're a dog, I don't care what it is, I snap Mhmm. Immediately. Mhmm. I don't know what the mechanics behind it is because I don't even realize I'm doing it.
Dayna Pereira:It's just like, if if I am, like, pulled from sleep, I immediately am like, like, I just it just is. Like, I am the Hulk Yeah. The second you wake me up. So that's interesting. It's also, we can try, try, try, try, try, and do our best to make sure that we aren't giving our kids something to, like, focus on when they're adults like, oh, like that changed her life.
Dayna Pereira:They said, you're fine, go to bed. And that was like something that changed for her. But there's always gonna be something.
Jessica Pressly:Well, that's the human experience. Right?
Dayna Pereira:Yes.
Jessica Pressly:It's the soul's journey. It's the growth. We didn't come here unscathed to live an unscathed, perfect life. And that's one of the things that really helped me on my parenting journey Yeah. Which is understanding that my kids' experience is going to be their experience, and they have to have challenges in their life.
Jessica Pressly:They have to build resilience. They have to learn the lessons that their soul came here to learn. Yep. And I am a part of that in many ways. And some of it will be really great, and some of it will be not so great.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. But it's a part of the human experience. It just is what it is. There's nothing. There's no amount of perfection I can give as a parent that will change that.
Dayna Pereira:No, not at all. It's just giving love. As long as they feel love more love than anything else, then I feel like that's a success.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. I agree.
Dayna Pereira:So another thing that really interrupts us being present, our phones are notifying us a 100% of the time all day long. Oh, you got an email. Ding. You got a text message. Ding.
Dayna Pereira:Social media is going off. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And that's what it's meant to do. It's meant to draw our attention away.
Jessica Pressly:Right. And it works. It does work. It definitely works. And what I say to that is you're the driver.
Jessica Pressly:Totally. You have control over that.
Dayna Pereira:Some people do. And I think that there needs to be boundaries though. Right? Because there are some people that for work, they need to have their phones on.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:There are first responders that are on call that you don't need to have their ringers on or you know? And then maybe spam is calling or, you know, you know, whatever it might be.
Jessica Pressly:So my husband is, like was the king of notifications. He also tends to run a bit on the anxious side. Uh-huh. Natural disasters really get to him. However, he has this app on his phone that tells him about every earthquake that ever happens anywhere in the world.
Dayna Pereira:I wonder why he's so afraid of them.
Jessica Pressly:I don't know. It's just a thing. Right? Yeah. And so I said to him, why do you do that to yourself?
Jessica Pressly:Uh-huh. That's a choice. Why do you have those notifications? Because you go in this little area of your phone, it's called notification center, and you get to choose which ones are important and which ones are not important. He had choose that earthquake feed was important enough to send his heart racing multiple times throughout the week.
Jessica Pressly:Right. Now earthquakes happen all the time.
Dayna Pereira:Yes. They I mean, even, like, a 2.3 on the Richter scale. You know? All the time.
Jessica Pressly:Not even just in the US. Yeah. All over the world. Mhmm. The big, big world.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm. And so it was like a constant reminder. I'm not safe. I'm not safe. I'm not safe.
Jessica Pressly:I'm not safe. So when I said you're the driver, we have autonomy of choosing what notifications we want and don't want. Yes. If I want to go on social media, I can go on social media and choose to see what the notifications are, or I can allow social media to intrude my thoughts on a daily basis.
Dayna Pereira:You when you need to know what the notifications are. Like, somebody liked your post. You need to know this. Exactly.
Jessica Pressly:Exactly. Or so and so went live. This person posted a new reel. That person did whatever. If being present is a skill that you want to hone in on and if your phone is one of those things that's always fighting for your attention, go in your notification center.
Jessica Pressly:Yep. Give yourself a mental break. You can also silence notifications during certain time periods. Mhmm. Maybe that's 2 hours before bed so that you don't catch yourself in a doom scroll or whatever.
Jessica Pressly:We cannot fall victim to these things because we have a choice in the matter.
Dayna Pereira:We do. And reducing distractions is definitely a way to be more present. And reducing distractions isn't just your phone. It's the TV maybe. I mean, there's so many distractions in our world all the time.
Dayna Pereira:And and being able to if you wanna be more present playing a game with your husband, I'm going to say, cause I like to play Yahtzee, then turning off the TV. Is probably a good way to do that. That I mean, one of the reasons they say don't have a TV in your bedroom because it'll ruin your sex life. Right?
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. Yeah.
Dayna Pereira:Get rid of the distraction so that you can focus on the other parts if that's what you so choose. Or if you wanna have, like, a good conversation, turning your phone upside down and pushing it away during dinner time. I was reading a thing that said, like, if you're not enjoying your breakfast, you're and you're like listening to a podcast or whatever, turn off the podcast, have a silent breakfast where you are just sitting and focusing on the food that you are nourishing yourself with.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:And it's just you and your thoughts and your breakfast.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. Yeah. And could you imagine if you were able to direct your thoughts also in that time, and it wasn't just like a bee buzzing around from here and there and everywhere? If you decided, this is the time where I'm gonna sit down, and I am going to affirm myself in all ways. Uh-huh.
Jessica Pressly:How nice would that be to start your day?
Dayna Pereira:It would be so nice. I will definitely say one of my biggest problems is I know what I wanna do. I know what I have to do. I know that I can do it. I have a hard time pushing myself over the edge to do it.
Dayna Pereira:It's like exercising. I hate lifting weights. I'll do cardio all day long. Lifting weights kill me.
Jessica Pressly:I don't wanna do it. The the world never surprises me from our yin and yang ever. If there is one thing that Dana loads, you best believe I love it, and vice versa. I'm like, don't make me walk or run anywhere, but let me lift some heavy shit. I'll be good.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. And I'm like, I will walk 20 miles if you want me to, but if you tell me I have to lift that 5 pound dumbbell
Jessica Pressly:You know, you've never really loved to lift heavy stuff. No. No. Even
Dayna Pereira:though I know it's good for me. I am an aging woman.
Jessica Pressly:You gotta lift heavy shit.
Dayna Pereira:You won't be able to tell from my face in the future, but I am in fact Asian.
Jessica Pressly:It's elective. Yeah.
Dayna Pereira:And so I know that lifting is actually what is better for my body at this point. Right. Cardio did me fine in my twenties. Right. But now if I wanna have a stronger body that lasts a longer period of time, I have to fucking lift shit.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:So now it's like talking myself into doing it. Once I'm doing it, I'm, like, I'm fine. After I'm done, yay, I did it. I'm so proud of myself.
Jessica Pressly:Ransom repeat the next day.
Dayna Pereira:I will talk myself out of it. I will find every excuse in the book. I will sit there and doom scroll on Instagram and be like, whoops. Missed the window. You know, like, it's, it's just something that I have to but being mindful
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:Is also being present. There's to be more present, there's mindful breathing, movement, eating. There's so many mindful activities that you can do that increase you being present in that moment.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. I think that really you can be mindful in any situation. You and I like to talk about, like, different seeds that we plant for the kids, and mindfulness is one of the things that I plant seeds for with them. And it sounds a little something like instead of being like, be careful. There is a edge there.
Jessica Pressly:I don't want you to slip and fall. Mhmm. I'll say, be mindful of your surroundings. Uh-huh. Just little ways to remind them and me that being in your body and present is a way of being mindful.
Jessica Pressly:My oldest one is like a bumper, she bumps into things, and I'm like, I can tell she's not in her body because she's bumping into walls, because she's stubbing her toe on everything. If you're walking into walls and bumping into things, and you are clumsy, it's a good chance that you are really heady.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah, you're in your head. Yeah, for sure.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm. So getting back in the body, that body movement, body breathing, or mindful movement, mindful breathing, are all ways to stay present and get back in the body. So what are some of the things that we will benefit from by practicing being present?
Dayna Pereira:I think that it's so important. I mean, one of my biggest reasons for trying to be more present is to just have better relationships, whether that's a better relationship with myself, a better relationship with my husband, a better relationship with my children. Like, I want them to know that I care by being present while they're speaking to me. If I'm at my son's volleyball game, I wouldn't be fully invested in watching his volleyball game and not constantly picking up my phone to be distracted by something else. Yeah.
Dayna Pereira:If my daughter wants to play a game or practice her lines for a play, or I want to be fully focused on doing those things that whenever she gets older, she's going to remember. If I am constantly distracted by other things and not being completely present, she's going to remember that too.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. And, and speaking of remembering something that comes up for me is that I really struggle with remembering things. And I wonder how much of that is because I'm not fully present in what I'm doing.
Dayna Pereira:That is one 100% accurate. How do you remember something if you weren't fully present for it? Right. I mean, our brains are already crazy. They already make stuff up, insert things here, like, it's like going to a crime scene and asking all the witnesses what they saw and every single person's gonna tell you something a little bit different.
Jessica Pressly:It's very creative. Yes.
Dayna Pereira:So if we're also adding to that, that we're not completely present, we're not completely focused, then, yeah, how are we supposed to remember that? At least, not accurately.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. Yeah. Like, I it's very spotty, bits and pieces. But, you know, as our children grow and as I get older in my life, like, these memories are what I cherish. Yeah.
Jessica Pressly:You know? Having old memories, making new memories, I wanna remember those things. And, about where I'm at when I'm in a moment, my hope is that that'll help me retain some of those memories.
Dayna Pereira:I definitely have, memories, and I remember when I'm sorry. I'm getting distracted here. What I'm trying to say is that I definitely have memories of when I was being very mindful. When Mason was just a couple of months old, I remember sitting on my couch in the middle of the fucking night, and I was so tired. And I was breastfeeding him and looking down at him.
Dayna Pereira:And I just remember, like, thinking to myself, like, remember this moment, you know, like, really pay attention to it because he's gonna get older and it's then you're gonna cry on a podcast. But I do, like, I do remember that moment and I try and do that more throughout life, like going on a nice vacation or going on a hike, taking in the scenery, doing like those very mindful things where you can say, just really remember this.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:Because my kid's 18 now, and I really remember that.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. And it's like, a feelings photo. Yeah. You know, it's like capturing that feeling in a moment and just keeping it so that you can refer back to it in this moment. Like, you felt everything in this moment that you felt 18 years ago when you were nursing your first baby.
Jessica Pressly:My first baby.
Dayna Pereira:I know I always tell him, you were my first love. No. Don't tell anybody else that, but you were.
Jessica Pressly:He really was. He was. He really was.
Dayna Pereira:And so another reason that being present is so important is just like that savouring experiences because our brains aren't going to there's so many hours and seconds in our lives. We're not gonna be able to remember all of those things. You remember the ones that you savor.
Jessica Pressly:That's right. And, unfortunately, memories also have a tendency to stand out if they're negative. Yes. And so you might reflect on your life or a period of time and notice that there's a lot of negative ones. And so if we know that our brains are kind of prewired to hold on to a negative experience, then balance that with the mindfulness of a positive experience, and take that feelings photo.
Jessica Pressly:And be intentional about wanting to capture this moment and being able to, like, recall this feeling at another time. Because ultimately, that is gonna painful that you don't have to remind yourself. Yeah. Because when something bad happens, it's so painful that you don't have to remind yourself to remember that feeling because then you're in fight or flight for the rest of
Dayna Pereira:your life over that particular feeling. But if you force yourself to remember the good stuff that gives you that same big feeling, but on the good spectrum Right. Then it's there. And I I like that idea of, you know, rewiring to make sure that those are just as important more important. That your body isn't going automatically to the bad thing.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. Definitely. So another thing that, has been really helpful for me and a benefit for me about being present, is the reduction in stress and anxiety.
Dayna Pereira:Yes. And we talk about I mean, there's so many things that you can do to reduce stress and anxiety, but being mindful and present really reduces those racing thoughts that we have. Mhmm. Like, if you're being present at 3 AM, you know, you can't go to sleep or 11, whatever time it is for you. Being in your body, like you were talking about with the cashews.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:Somebody told me and, apparently, this is a whole method that I didn't know about. My friend, Stephanie, told me that you start at the top of your head and you tighten and loosen all of your muscles starting from the top of your head all the way down to your toes. Like,
Jessica Pressly:physically contracting them or energetically feeling it? It. Okay.
Dayna Pereira:And so I have been doing that before bed.
Jessica Pressly:Do you get to your toes?
Dayna Pereira:I get to my toes, but then I fall asleep instantly. Mhmm. And it's just because I took the time to not let my brain race. Mhmm. I focused on tightening my forehead, and then my eyes, and ears, and mouth and throat and going the whole way down.
Dayna Pereira:You're so focused, present in that, that your brain's ready for bed now. Mhmm. It's not racing. It's not thinking about that dumbass thing that you said to the waitress in 2003.
Jessica Pressly:Right. And that's that thing about that freaking book that I loved so much. It was just giving me the understanding that I control my brain. Uh-huh. I'm in con I'm in the driver's seat.
Jessica Pressly:I get to actually control it. And when I'm doing something that doesn't feel good in there, like worrying, ruminating, stressing, I can say, no. I'm not doing that. Yeah. I choose to focus on this.
Jessica Pressly:I'm gonna put that behind me. Detaching from the thought is so powerful.
Dayna Pereira:That is a good word because we do attach ourselves
Jessica Pressly:Right.
Dayna Pereira:To certain things. Yeah. So being able to interrupt that.
Jessica Pressly:Yeah. Sometimes visualization really helps me with that. So if I have something that I'm really stuck on that's gonna go over and over, I visualize that thought or idea on a bubble or a balloon or a bubble, something that's floating, and I'll either watch it float all the way into the sky till I can't see it anymore, or maybe a bubble will come up and I'll just pop it with my finger mentally in my brain. And that's just, like, a nice way to, like, say, okay. I saw you, and now you can go.
Dayna Pereira:Yes. See, I'm gonna have to try something like that. I did like the one that Cynthia told us on the last episode that we did with her about, like, making it smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller in your head and then tossing it out.
Jessica Pressly:Mhmm. Mhmm.
Dayna Pereira:Yeah. Many different ways to do all the things. Wow. I'm I'm so happy that we're back.
Jessica Pressly:I know. I missed us.
Dayna Pereira:I missed us too. This was fun. Very present in our moment, guys. I hope that, you didn't miss us too much. That's a lie.
Dayna Pereira:I hope you miss the hell out of us, and they're so happy that we're back. Guys, if you could do us a favor, we are just returning from our 3 weeks off. So, you know, doing a rate and review would really help push us in those algorithms. If you're watching this on YouTube, leaving a comment. And our social media.
Dayna Pereira:I know we have listeners that like some things, maybe you haven't even followed us yet. If you haven't go to Instagram at unbadding, a like and a comment, a save, a share, those all help push us out a little bit further to maybe somebody else that didn't know that they need us in their lives yet.
Jessica Pressly:But they do. But they do. Alright, everybody. We missed you. We're happy to be back, and we're happy that you're back with us.
Jessica Pressly:Until next time. We're on batting, baby. Unbedding. Unbedding. We're run batting, baby.
Jessica Pressly:We're on a journey, baby. We're run batting, baby.