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Micro wisdom delivered to your ears every morning in voice notes ranging from 3 to 15 minutes long. Wisdom on how to live a healthier and more fulfilling life. Every podcast will ground you in the present moment to ensure you know what's important, the here and now.
Hello. My name is Allie, and I am a cognitive behavioral therapist working for the NHS in West London. Today's podcast is about something that affects everybody in some way or another, and it's about body image. So everybody has body image. Sometimes that may be a positive body image, and for some people, it may be more of a negative body image.
Speaker 1:So what body image means is is basically just the time that we use to describe our internalized sense of what we look like. So we can think of this, as a mental representation or a map of our body, and this is what we use to judge our external appearance. So it's not just about what we do look like factually. It's about what we look like in our own minds. So it's how we perceive that we look, and it's how we perceive that we are looked on and judged by others.
Speaker 1:So for some people, they may be in agreement with the factual representation of their body image, but for some people they may disagree with that. That is because their perception of what they look like doesn't match with perhaps what they factually look like. So perhaps what other people see when they look at that person is very different from what that person sees when they look in the mirror. For some people, it's almost like looking in one of those fairground mirrors that sort of distort certain features of your body, and that can be really, really difficult to live with. So what kind of things can impact our body image?
Speaker 1:Well, there's quite a lot of different things that can have an impact on how we see ourselves. For example, our cultural background, our societal background, our friends, and also the way that we were brought up as well. So for example, fashions and body types change as the years go on. If we look at the nineteen twenties, for example, the fashion for women was to be quite athletic and to have an almost boyish frame because it was the frame that suited the fashions of the time. Then we move forward into the nineteen fifties when the hourglass silhouette was the most coveted silhouette for women due to the role of film stars from the golden era of Hollywood, such as Marilyn Monroe.
Speaker 1:And then when we look at the nineteen nineties, for example, we've got the very, very slim supermodel look that stars such as Kate Moss would wear down the catwalk. And today, we have a popular figure that is quite unobtainable for many women, the sort of Kardashian figure of certain very extreme body parts, such as a large rear and also large breasts for a woman with a very, very tiny waist. And that can be incredibly difficult to sculpt. So through history, body image and what is fashionable has changed very much. So and social media does play a part in how we might view ourselves.
Speaker 1:For example, we might be comparing ourselves to those people or to our friends, for example. But it's definitely not the cause of body image difficulties. These have been around for many, many centuries. Sometimes body image difficulties can be part of something more enduring and severe. For example, a condition called body dysmorphic disorder, which is where somebody has a fixation on a certain part of their body or their face that they feel is very flawed and it becomes quite obsessive.
Speaker 1:So it's very very closely to OCD and this kind of problem is best treated with a full course of CBT, or by a combination of CBT and medication. In any case, if you feel that perhaps your body image difficulties are tipping into something which is quite severe and commanding most of your life, and starting to take over, and impacting upon your work, your enjoyment, your friendships, for example, then it's always a good idea to just go and visit your GP for some support. So when we have a negative body image, we might find ourselves doing certain behaviors that we think are helping us, but actually might be having quite a negative impact on our lives in general. So here's some of the common avoidance and safety behaviors that I've come up against when working with people who have difficulties with their body image. So for example, repeatedly checking appearance in the mirror, repeatedly seeking reassurance about the feature or the features that you are unconfident about, comparing yourself against other people, covering up or trying to alter the shape, for example, of your body, for example, by wearing baggy clothes, wearing lots of makeup to conceal floors, maybe just not going out of the house unless you were wearing makeup and repeatedly retouching it during the day.
Speaker 1:Changing your posture, for example, or using things to cover that particular feature. So, for example, if you are concerned about your stomach, then maybe when you're sat down, might always have cushion or something or jumper over your stomach. When you are taking photos, perhaps to put online, maybe using lots of filters or using lots of different angles, trying lots of photos until you get it just right. And you may also find yourself brooding a lot on the past or maybe thinking about how perhaps you used to look. Now it may feel that these are helpful things that are relieving the pressure on you, and maybe temporarily they might do.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, they can have quite a different impact on your life and on those around you. So here are some examples of the impact that these behaviours have on some of the people I've worked with. So some people might be very, very late to important engagements or work because they are trying to get themselves looking just right. Avoiding social engagements because they don't want to show their face. Frequently seeking reassurance can leave other people feeling frustrated because whatever they respond with, it's not going to be right.
Speaker 1:The impact and restriction of socialising can result in less opportunities to feel good about yourself because you may find that people start to withdraw their social invitations because they think they're not going to come anyway. It might restrict physical intimacy with a partner, for example, because of the worries of how you think they're going to see your body. You may find yourself avoiding eye contact or walking with your head down. People may assume that during conversations, for example, you're not interested in what they have to say, or they might think that there's something wrong with them. And then all that does is lead to the reinforcement of the belief that there's actually something wrong with you.
Speaker 1:So sometimes the solutions that we come up with to deal with this are actually part of the problem. So in this podcast today, I want to introduce you to an activity which was taught to me by Professor David Feale, who is the president of the Body Dysmorphic Disorder Foundation. I have been on lots of his trainings and he has written a fantastic book called 'Overcoming Body Image Problems' which I strongly recommend anybody goes out and has a look at if you feel that body image difficulties are a real problem for you. But the exercise that I'd like us to go through today is to do with checking in mirrors. So for people who do struggle with their body image, mirrors can present a real problem, as can other reflective surfaces as well.
Speaker 1:And also the sort of camera on your phone as well. They're commonly used as a safety behavior to check appearance. And you may find that you're spending a lot of time each day actually looking at yourself in the mirror. So a great place to start is actually to maybe keep a tally of how many times you do find yourself checking your appearance in the mirror, or even thinking about your appearance in the mirror. So you might want to just keep a diary of the kind of things that you do or stop doing related to your body image, and also the thoughts that come along with that, and the emotions.
Speaker 1:That can be really, really informative. Treat it as data. And then you can look back after a week and see, you know, what have my problems with my body image stopped me from doing? How are my problems with my body image really holding me back? It's important to also consider the reasons why we might be checking our appearance or doing other things to try and keep ourselves safe from projecting a negative body image.
Speaker 1:So some of the reasons that we check are to make sure that we don't look as bad as we think that we look. Needing a certainty of how we are going to appear in public to try and keep us safe from judgment. Some people feel that if they don't look in the mirror, if they avoid it, then they might feel worse. And at the very, very extreme end of that, some people might even think, if I don't look, then I might forget about the flaw. I might forget about the thing that I don't like about myself, and then I might go out into the world and people might see it.
Speaker 1:So our goal with changing our behaviors around mirrors are to be able to see the whole picture. So studies have actually shown that when people who have body image difficulties look at something, and that's not just themselves, could be anything at all, that they tend to fixate on one small area of that rather than using the part of their brain that is engaged in looking at the bigger picture. That's both literally and metaphorically. So this could provide some kind of explanation as to why people with body image disturbances might fixate on certain things that they see about themselves. So we want to actually encourage people to take a more holistic view of themselves, to see the whole picture and get used to doing that.
Speaker 1:We want to encourage people to focus on what they're actually seeing reflected back in the mirror and not just what they think they are seeing. It's important to try this experiment using a variety of different mirrors. You might have a mirror that you trust in inverted commas more than others because you like the lighting, for example, but we want you to get used to looking at a variety of different mirrors And to avoid making judgments about your appearance. To be aware that if any intrusive thoughts about your appearance do come up, then that's okay. Let them come up, but don't buy into them.
Speaker 1:Sort of take the position of an observer of passing traffic. So you can't control that traffic, but you can just let it pass by. And an exercise that can really help with this is the leads on a stream exercise from the other days podcast. This exercise is also really helpful for you to not give in to the urge to check yourself in the mirror whenever you want to, and instead to delay the response. And also it's good for people who are avoiding looking in the mirror, because it's helping you to see yourself objectively, rather than treating it as something to be feared.
Speaker 1:So with this mirror exercise, it might be a bit hard first of all to start off with a completely new mirror that looks at your whole self. So if you want to, you can take a graded approach with this. So maybe, for example, you might want to vary the levels of light in the room. Maybe you might start with just looking at one area of your body that doesn't have such an impact on how you feel. Maybe you want to start with a smaller mirror and then work up gradually to larger ones, or working up to ones that are a little bit more threatening to you.
Speaker 1:So, the idea of this exercise is that you position yourself in front of a mirror. Maybe try and set a time for you to do this. Again, keeping it as an appointment for yourself. And that might help during the day when you do feel the urge to check yourself in a mirror to know that actually I am going to be checking myself or looking at myself in x amount of time. So stand in front of your mirror.
Speaker 1:It's absolutely fine to be fully clothed in front of the mirror. This isn't one of those exercises where I'm gonna tell you to be naked in front of a mirror or wearing your underwear or anything like that. That can be very threatening. It might be something you want to work up to, but definitely you can be fully clothed when you're looking in the mirror. And to start with, you can wear makeup as well, if that helps you.
Speaker 1:Now the idea is to scan your reflection in the mirror, and then to either think or say aloud statements about yourself that are factually true and that are not driven by emotion. So I'm gonna give you an example. I'm gonna just go through. I'm facing a mirror right now, and I'm going to just describe what I see in the mirror just of my head and face. So I'm looking in the mirror, and I can see my hair.
Speaker 1:My hair is brown, and it's curly. And my hair goes down to the middle of my back. My forehead is largely smooth, but there are some lines over the right eye. My eyebrows are a lighter brown than my hair on my head. They are in a small arch.
Speaker 1:My eyelids are hooded. My eyelashes are small. My eyes are gray. There are some small lines at the corners of my eyes. My nose is small, and there is a gentle slope down the bridge of the nose down to the fleshy part of my nose.
Speaker 1:My cheeks are rounded. There are two lines that run from my nostrils down to my chin. There are also two lines that run from my nostrils down to my top lip. My top lip is thin. My bottom lip is fatter.
Speaker 1:My chin is rounded and slightly pointed. My ears are partially covered by my hair. I can see my ear lobes. Each earlobe contains two ear studs. And that's how I would go through scanning my body.
Speaker 1:And you can scan as much or as little as you want. You may find that this is really hard at first, and you may notice that it's very, very hard not to make a judgment. You might find yourself, for example, talking about the lines on your face and making an internal judgment about what other people must think or about how you're aging. And that's absolutely fine. Just allow that judgment to come and then allow it to pass by and return to describing factually what you see in the mirror, wherein what we're doing is encouraging, at yourself as a factual whole without passing any judgment on the way that you look.
Speaker 1:So I hope that you are able to try this exercise. And in my next podcast, I'm going to take this a step further by looking at how we can show compassion for ourselves. And again, if you do try this mirror checking exercise, would love to hear how you got on. So do please post on, for example, the turtle page or on socials. Get in touch and let us know how you got on.
Speaker 1:I hope you have a fantastic day.