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The Space Between is the podcast where strength and vulnerability meet for families navigating life with cancer.
Hosted by Amri Kibbler, a cancer survivor and parent, each episode offers honest stories, expert insights, and heartfelt support for those balancing treatment, caregiving, and parenting - often all at once.
If you're walking this path, you’re not alone. This is your space to feel seen, find connection, and heal.
[00:00:00] Mercedes Wilson: I'm living in a, in a place of surrender, and it's a process because we want to control everything because everything has to be right for the kids and the bills have to be paid and this has to be done. But now I feel like I'm doing soul work and that place of surrender is a freeing place. And then what is supposed to be, because you are open for what's to come and letting go of that.
[00:00:20] Mercedes Wilson: God's peace has been so real and so strong, and I'm looking at all the things that I've carried that I didn't have to carry.
[00:00:30] Amri Kibbler: Hi, I am Amri Kibbler, and this is The Space Between I'm a cancer survivor and a mom, and while those roles don't define me, they have shaped who I am. I created this space to share honest stories, expert insights, and meaningful support for families navigating life with cancer. If you're balancing treatment, caregiving, parenting, or just trying to hold it all together, you are not alone.
[00:00:53] Amri Kibbler: This is your space to connect, to heal, and to feel seen, and I'm so glad that you're here today on The Space Between. I'm speaking with Mercedes Wilson. She's a TV personality, entrepreneur, speaker, and the author of three powerful books. She's also the founder of For Our Daughters, a nonprofit empowering young women through health education.
[00:01:17] Amri Kibbler: First diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011. Mercedes is now living with stage four metastatic breast cancer after it returned this year. We talk about parenting through a diagnosis being truly supported and what it means to live with both strength and hope. Mercedes, thank you so much for being here today.
[00:01:36] Amri Kibbler: I am so excited to be having this conversation with you and welcome you to The Space Between.
[00:01:41] Mercedes Wilson: Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm so excited for this.
[00:01:44] Amri Kibbler: Perfect. Let's kick off with you sharing your story with us. Can you take us through from your first diagnosis in 2011? At 28 to where, where you are today?
[00:01:55] Mercedes Wilson: Yeah, so my first diagnosis, I mean, both of them had been a doozy, but the first one was, I guess a huge shock. There was a lump in my breast that was just there. I didn't think anything of it. And I would go to my doctor every year because my husband and I did not want any more children, so I was on birth control.
[00:02:13] Mercedes Wilson: They would kind of feel the lump and say, how old are you? And I'd say 26. Okay. Not a big deal. And I would go on the next year, I went back for my yearly, how old are you? 27. Not a big deal. Keep going. The next doctor that I went to, she felt the lump and she said, wait a minute. What is this? She was the one that saved my life because she said, you know, if you want me to take you on as your doctor, I will not take you on unless you get this checked.
[00:02:36] Mercedes Wilson: I don't feel right about it. So I went to our local cancer institute here, um, Roswell. They did some, some tests. They did a biopsy and quickly came back. Breast cancer stage two, um, in my left breast. It had started to spread to my lymph nodes. So that process was, ugh. I did, uh, chemotherapy. Radiation, couple different surgeries, and I was good to go.
[00:03:04] Mercedes Wilson: I mean, I thought. That's until I got a cough about a winter ago, and the cough just wouldn't go anywhere. It just would not go anywhere. And so after like seven, eight months, my family's like, mom, why aren't you getting that check? Like, what's going on? So I went to my primary and she said, Hey honey, uh, let's, let's get some scans.
[00:03:22] Mercedes Wilson: She gave me medicine for the cough, and it stopped the, the cough for the most part. But there was still a little bit left. So she sent me for scans. The first scan, she said, I see something not quite comfortable. I'm gonna send you back for more in depth scans. Those again, just like, it was kind of like deja vu.
[00:03:39] Mercedes Wilson: The second scan, she said, okay, I have to send you to Roswell. I have to. On my birthday last year, I went for a series of tests, October 23rd, 2024. And sure enough, breast cancer that had spread now on the right side in my lung, breast, bones, and liver. So we are now going through that process. I am on hormonal therapy.
[00:04:01] Mercedes Wilson: So full blown menopause, my friends. And the goal is to stable, you know, get it stable to which, which, that's where it is now, and just do what I need to do to live. Yeah.
[00:04:13] Amri Kibbler: I have a question about your original diagnosis though. So it sounds like you actually had a lump for a couple of years before you were first diagnosed.
[00:04:21] Mercedes Wilson: Mm-hmm. Yes. It was about when they caught it, it was between two and three centimeters by that time. And again, had started to spread to a few lymph nodes. So, yeah, it had been there for a couple years at least.
[00:04:33] Amri Kibbler: Wow. And now you're the mom of four kids, right? Yes. So can you talk a little bit about the communication that you've had with your, with your children?
[00:04:42] Amri Kibbler: And I know that your daughter was around for your first diagnosis. Yes. What was it like having to share the news with her then? And, you know, talking to your kids now?
[00:04:53] Mercedes Wilson: My son was a little older, so we have a 22-year-old son, a 19-year-old daughter, and then 10-year-old twins that came after the first diagnosis.
[00:04:59] Mercedes Wilson: So my son and daughter, they were very gracious. They were very kind. They were younger, they were like six and eight, and Isaiah was a, I guess, a little bit more aware than Gabby, but I remember having to shave my head and, and I wore wigs because I didn't wanna startle them. And one night I was in his closet looking for something and he was awake in the middle of the night and he popped his head up and he goes, mom, you cut all your hair off.
[00:05:25] Mercedes Wilson: And that was the moment I just kind of like, I had my back to him and it was like, oh no. And he goes, it looks good. I sat with them, they knew what was going on, but I didn't give them the depth of it at, at that time, they were spending a week with me, a week with their father. On the weeks that I did not have them were the weeks that I went for chemo.
[00:05:44] Mercedes Wilson: So I had a week to kind of. Try to get back on my feet so then I can actually spend time with them the weeks that I had 'em.
[00:05:52] Amri Kibbler: How did those conversations change as your kids got older? You know, as you said, now they're older. What is communication like with your older children?
[00:06:00] Mercedes Wilson: Um, we're open. We're very open with it.
[00:06:02] Mercedes Wilson: We talk about it once a month. I go to get my luron shots. We talk about those that you know, mom, how are you feeling? My daughter goes with sometimes we are very open in the communication. My son went to get with my husband and I when I went to get the results, so he heard everything the doctor said. He got to ask questions because we all know that the goal is to live and we're all in this together.
[00:06:23] Mercedes Wilson: And I know it's hard on them. So a part of me, I do kind of hold in, you know, maybe some bad days because I don't want them to worry. But we have very open communication about it. My daughter actually wrote an article in a magazine that was out last month. And she talked about it from a daughter's perspective and how she learned so much the first time around because after the first bout of cancer, I started a nonprofit organization and I went to schools all around our area and talked about my battle with breast cancer.
[00:06:50] Mercedes Wilson: So she learned pretty much everything about it through going to the schools with me and talking about, Hey, this is my mom's story. So I didn't hide it, but I would say it took a couple of years. I wanted them to get a little bit older. Um, but we're very open. We're very open about it.
[00:07:06] Amri Kibbler: That article that your daughter wrote was so beautiful.
[00:07:09] Amri Kibbler: I found it to be so, so touching, and she also talked about how it was important to her to be a support system for you and also for her siblings.
[00:07:18] Mercedes Wilson: Yeah. The twins, their 10-year-old twin girls, we told them, they don't quite grasp it because immediately after they're like, Hey, so can we go for ice cream?
[00:07:27] Mercedes Wilson: Because they just, they didn't quite grasp it. We talk about it. I would say honestly, we don't talk about it fully in front of them, but they know what's going on. Their school knows, their teachers know, you know, we told them just so that in case they came in feeling down or something like that, the teachers knew exactly what was going on.
[00:07:45] Mercedes Wilson: So if they have questions, I answer it, I answer them. But the older two know everything.
[00:07:51] Amri Kibbler: Are you comfortable maybe sharing a little bit more about conversations with 10 year olds? 'cause I feel like that can be a tricky space. I have a 9-year-old and I feel like sometimes I think she really understands a lot of things that are going on.
[00:08:05] Amri Kibbler: And then sometimes I, I think that she really doesn't, and for me, I, I made some choices to not share things with her because I thought she wouldn't understand and then later I regretted it. So it, I find that's like an age that's really hard to decide how much is appropriate to share.
[00:08:21] Mercedes Wilson: Yeah, and I think I, I think having the older two really helped because we all sat down as a family after the older two knew.
[00:08:27] Mercedes Wilson: We sat down with the, with the girls and it was, you know, do you know what cancer is? And they said, yes, it, it's a disease. And we kind of talked through that a little bit. We didn't go like in, in, in depth, but we talked through it and we talked about how I had it. So there might be some days where I don't feel well, there might be some days where maybe daddy does a little more.
[00:08:48] Mercedes Wilson: But the goal is for us to be happy as a family. And the older two kind of stepped in and said, and any questions you guys have, feel free to ask us. And they were, again, I think because they felt safe in it, they were okay because we were all there together and everybody was like, Hey, we're gonna do this together.
[00:09:06] Mercedes Wilson: So they felt the safety and I mean they were safe enough to ask for ice cream right after. I think with each family it's, it's different depending on your dynamics. But we all sat down as a family and everybody said, Hey, we're in this together. But there are gonna be some days mommy does not feel well, and in those days if you want to talk, that is fine, but there are gonna be those days.
[00:09:25] Mercedes Wilson: Yeah.
[00:09:26] Amri Kibbler: Yeah. I think what I'm hearing you say that is important is to, um, create a safe and warm space to have the conversation.
[00:09:33] Mercedes Wilson: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and they know that if they have any questions, they can ask any of us. So just kind of give them that room. So if they do understand more than what we think, then they feel, you know, free to ask.
[00:09:46] Mercedes Wilson: Ask what they need to ask.
[00:09:49] Amri Kibbler: So you also wrote a beautiful article to accompany the article that your daughter wrote for, is it Buffalo Healthy Lifestyle Magazine? Buffalo Healthy Living. Yes. Healthy Buffalo. Healthy Living. Very close, yes. And you spoke about having a living plan, and I just love the sound of this.
[00:10:05] Amri Kibbler: Yeah. Can you share a little bit about what that is exactly?
[00:10:08] Mercedes Wilson: Absolutely. So a trusted mentor of mine in the community, I started treatments November 7th, 2024. I started therapy November 4th, 2024 because she recognized the battle that was in front of me and she said, I would love to set you up with a therapist.
[00:10:25] Mercedes Wilson: And oh my gosh, she's fabulous. But we called it the living plan because the goal is to live and not only live physically and and fight this disease, but to live spiritually, to be well mentally, because as much as it's a physical battle, it's mental. And so. At first, I was seeing the therapist three times a week because it was, he was like the, it's the mental, it's the stress, it's the, you know, we don't want to add anything that is unnecessary.
[00:10:50] Mercedes Wilson: So there was a whole lot of tears. We dealt with traumas. I'm dealing with different traumas from my childhood that kept me in fight or flight since I was 12 years old. Keep my body in constant stress because we know stress. Cancer, love stress. My doctor gave me a book, she recommended a book that talks about, you know, how healthy eating for people that have cancer because she dealt with her mother having, uh, late stage cancer and she's still here close to 10 years later.
[00:11:17] Mercedes Wilson: So she said, this is what we live by. So I changed my diet. I found local chefs, I found people that juice. In the area. So I'm not drinking the juices that have all the preservatives. I have natural juices. So it's the diet, it's the spiritual, it's the, my church family stepped up and people brought meals and people stopped by and it was the cards, it was the love, it was accepting a lot of things that we women struggle with doing, which is accepting help because we don't want to be a burden.
[00:11:45] Mercedes Wilson: I kinda let those guards down and when I did the love is what's carrying. Carrying me and it carried me through so many nights. It literally is the love the cards, the, the nice notes in the cards. My family, the kids love the pizza nights, you know, when people brought pizza by, but it was the thoughtfulness of people, and I cannot tell you the text messages of prayer.
[00:12:11] Mercedes Wilson: I'm praying for you. I'm thinking of you. That was a part of the living plan. It's all a part of the living plan. Your circle, your mental, because we know the, the mental piece, it's a. Sometimes you're fine and then you think, holy crap, I'm, I'm, I'm battling this. And it immediately, and I've been there the last couple of weeks and I text a girlfriend of mine in another state that has been battling for eight years and she's thriving.
[00:12:33] Mercedes Wilson: And I said, I am just struggling. And she sent me a nice two paragraph text and it changed everything. You know, that's a part of the living plan, being surrounded by the right people. So it's all of it. And then having great doctors. My doctors are on it. I'm doing what I'm asked to do and I also let them know when I need, I need some help with some things as well.
[00:12:55] Mercedes Wilson: So just being vocal. That's a part of the living plan
[00:12:58] Amri Kibbler: and I'm so glad that you shared some of the things that people have done that have been the most supportive of you. That's, you know, a big question that I get 'cause we know that friends and loved one. Really wanna support and they wanna do whatever it is that feels, you know, feels like it's gonna be the best for the thriver.
[00:13:16] Amri Kibbler: Yeah. But sometimes they just don't know what to do or, or what to say. And hearing you say that, cards and little notes and supportive passages and. Those things have been really powerful for you. Yeah. I think is, is super helpful. Is there anything else that you can think of that someone has done for you that could be good advice for anyone that's, that's trying to figure out how to show up for someone they care about?
[00:13:41] Mercedes Wilson: I would say people show up, I guess how uncomfortable with them showing up. So how I am allowing people in, that was a choice that I made for someone else that may not be their choice. For someone else, maybe they wanna be, I don't know, taken off for ice cream maybe. Um, I remember my aunt who sadly passed from lung cancer, some survivor sisters and I got together and put a nice package together because she was going through chemo.
[00:14:07] Mercedes Wilson: So she had the. What are they called? The scalp. The it, it kind of helps make your scalp feel comfortable after you've had chemo because you lose your hair and it hurts. So there was cooling, kind of like cooling, um, hats. They got those, they got certain lotions that we used because she was not, she was a very private person, so I took the basket to her, but they each put a little note so she didn't want visitors, but that basket blessed her whole life.
[00:14:32] Mercedes Wilson: So everybody has different comfort levels. Be willing to learn what that comfort level is, and then just do what you can within those parameters. And maybe they'll let their guard down a little bit. It's a, it's a two-way street. Even though we're the ones going through it, the people around us are going through it as well, and I had to make a choice to let that guard down.
[00:14:50] Mercedes Wilson: I had to make a choice. And for some they don't want to, and that's okay too. So just figure out where their comfort level is and then do the things that you know, they love.
[00:15:00] Amri Kibbler: It's so true. And some of the things that can be the most supportive are just little things that feel like normal, like as you said, could be going out for ice cream, could be inviting them to a book club or just sharing some little bit of inspiration that you have that makes them feel loved and supported.
[00:15:17] Amri Kibbler: And, um, sometimes just like it's a, a little bit of joy and a little bit of fun can change your whole mindset.
[00:15:24] Mercedes Wilson: Yep. I agree 100%.
[00:15:27] Amri Kibbler: I teamed up with Stacy Igel and Elyse Ryan to create S.E.A. Waves of Support: healing selenite bracelet sets. You keep one and gift the other to someone facing cancer or life's challenges. A powerful reminder, they're not alone. Learn more at seawavesofsupport.com. You've said that you have a deep faith, and I was really inspired by a beautiful post that you made last week on Instagram, and I'm gonna read a little bit of it you said. I've learned the miracle of prayer, the power of the right relationships, and what it means to be cared for by doctors who lead with both skill and compassion.
[00:16:01] Amri Kibbler: And you talked about not surviving, but becoming. Can you talk a little bit about how your spiritual life has shaped your mindset?
[00:16:10] Mercedes Wilson: So in this journey, I've learned God in a new way. I've learned God in a new way and I've grown up in church. And it's not until you go through something deep that you really get the intimacy part and you and you really get to learn how much God loves us.
[00:16:28] Mercedes Wilson: And my therapist said something that hit me in the beginning, one of the beginning sessions. He said, honey, it's not time for you. This is a wake up. And it's all about the the view that you have. And it kind of shifted my view. So then my view went from, oh my gosh, how long do I have to live to, okay, God, what is it that you have for me?
[00:16:47] Mercedes Wilson: And there's something about surrender that gives you freedom. And going through my life and going through the traumas and going through all of it, I can see where God is saying, I need you to let this go. That's none of your business that, no, that's not you. That's not for you to carry. I need you to focus on this.
[00:17:06] Mercedes Wilson: And so there, there's a freedom that came with surrendering and saying, God, whatever it is that you have for me, I want. And then there's things where I'm, if it's, if it's too heavy, then I'm like, okay, well this isn't it. This isn't it. Because it's not conducive with the living plan. It's just not. So it's kind of like a change of vision.
[00:17:25] Mercedes Wilson: It's like a wake up call and it's. You know, even this morning I do more meditation as well, and I just sit still. Where before I'm running, running, running, running, running, and I'm sitting still now every morning and every night and saying, God, what is it that you have? And that is where I learned to surrender.
[00:17:40] Mercedes Wilson: That is where I learned to let go and say, I don't know everything. This earth was here before me. It'll be here after me. So it's smart of me to say, God, you created it all. So what is it that you want from me? Because he knows better. I'm living in a, in a place of surrender. I can honestly tell you that, and it's a process because we wanna control everything because everything has to be right for the kids and the bills have to be paid and this has to be done.
[00:18:06] Mercedes Wilson: But now I feel like I'm doing soul work and that place of surrender is a freeing place. And then what is supposed to be, because you are open for what's to come. And that's a really hard it. It was, it was a really hard place to get to because I was running businesses. I had a business that I let go of.
[00:18:22] Mercedes Wilson: Yeah. But in, in letting go of that, God's peace has been so real and so strong. And I'm looking at all the things that I've carried that I didn't have to carry.
[00:18:32] Amri Kibbler: And when you were talking about surrender, all the hairs on my arms were standing up. 'cause that's really one of my big words that. I feel like I had a moment where I was really unhappy and just kind of trying to hold it all together in treatment and in, you know, what I was going through.
[00:18:51] Amri Kibbler: And then I just decided, okay, you know what? I'm just gonna surrender that to the God and to the universe, and I'm on his path. He has a plan for me. And I'm gonna go with it. I'm gonna look for signs and I'm gonna look for direction, and I'm going to live my life in the day that I have today and see what good I can do and what impacts I can have, and how I can have connection to the people that I love in my life and all those things.
[00:19:16] Amri Kibbler: And it was. Such a huge shift. Um, and I always think back to that word surrender and connect to it so much. And I think that sometimes when people hear that, they think of it has a, a negative connotation to it. But it was really like a moment of when I felt so much relief from the stress and the burden that I was carrying.
[00:19:37] Amri Kibbler: So I just hearing you say that would just, it had a lot of impact for me.
[00:19:42] Mercedes Wilson: Yeah. Yeah. It's true. And it's a daily thing too, because we're so used to. Get up and go. It's a daily choice.
[00:19:50] Amri Kibbler: And you talked about meditation. Are there any other practices that you return to regularly or other things that you do to make, to feel connected to your family?
[00:19:59] Amri Kibbler: Could be music, family, rituals, anything special that your family does?
[00:20:04] Mercedes Wilson: To be honest, right before I was diagnosed, we planned a family trip and we had to kind of put it on hold. So we're, we're, we're planning more family things, things that we can build toward, look forward to. In the next month, we're going away together.
[00:20:20] Mercedes Wilson: So it's intentionally putting things together, together, because before I, I had two devices. I had my laptop. I was always just busy setting things down and looking at each other, doing Sunday dinners. It's intentionality, it's showing love, it's doing it on purpose, and it's taking the time to when someone is speaking.
[00:20:45] Mercedes Wilson: Just kind of stop and be in the moment. That's a part of the surrender process, but be in the moment because I realized how much I was missing running. So yeah, it's being intentional. Besides Sunday dinners, we don't really have any rituals, um, besides when Christmas comes around because I go nuts and we do all types of Christmas tree decorating and they're stuck with me.
[00:21:06] Mercedes Wilson: But outside of that, no, it's just being present. The goal is to be present.
[00:21:11] Amri Kibbler: Well, Sunday dinner is a, that's a great ritual. Having time to connect over.
[00:21:15] Mercedes Wilson: Yeah. A
[00:21:16] Amri Kibbler: meal with your family. That's something that's really powerful.
[00:21:19] Mercedes Wilson: I agree. I agree. I always say food is the great equalizer. There's something about a good meal made with love.
[00:21:27] Amri Kibbler: There is, there's also something about cooking together. Um, like as a community builder, I've done many events where I bring small groups of women together and we would prepare a meal together and then eat together. Yeah. And the conversations and the, the sense of connection and sharing when you sit down together and open your hearts and just really connect, it's really powerful.
[00:21:48] Mercedes Wilson: Yeah, I agree with that. I can agree with that. Um, in March, for my husband and Gabby's, the older daughter's birthday. We did a cooking class together with a local chef and out of all the gifts that we've ever done for each other, they said this is the best. So we cooked together, we learned a lot together, and then we ate together and it was so, I agree with you 100%.
[00:22:10] Amri Kibbler: I wanna talk about your nonprofit. For our daughters even powered thousands of young women to advocate for their own health. At what age should we start talking to our daughters about their own healthcare and about breast cancer, and how can we start those conversations?
[00:22:26] Mercedes Wilson: So for our daughters, our target age group was 12 to 19.
[00:22:30] Mercedes Wilson: I think we should start talking sooner. Gab and I were having these conversations when she was five, six years old. It was always, Hey, what's going on? And creating an atmosphere where she can be comfortable talking about anything. So nothing was too small. Because as we know, our kids go through multiple stages and I don't think they ever stop needing us.
[00:22:49] Mercedes Wilson: So the one thing that I learned while doing for our daughters, or that we learned because it was a group effort, um, is that 100% of girls care about what their parents think of them, or their loved ones. Think of them. No matter how they tell us to get outta their room or that they don't like us or get away, they care.
[00:23:06] Mercedes Wilson: It's our job to empower them and create a safe place for them to talk to us. So. Our age, our, our target group was 12 to 19, but I started with my daughter from as long as I can remember.
[00:23:18] Amri Kibbler: At what age do they suggest that girls start doing self breast exams?
[00:23:22] Mercedes Wilson: Oh gosh. I taught my daughter young, you know what I mean?
[00:23:27] Mercedes Wilson: Like, not to, not to freak her out or anything, but to be comfortable, uh, with her body and know when something is off. I know typically when they start going to their OB-GYNs. You know, they started to have those conversations and Gab started seeing a OB when she was about 18. So last year she, you know, started having her visits.
[00:23:47] Mercedes Wilson: I reached out to my OB and said, Hey, she's 16, and she goes, Nope. Normally it starts at 18. I'm sure my daughter does it now and she's 19. But that's because, you know, she's comfortable with her body. So I say the younger the better, but not in a way to freak him out. It's just knowing your body.
[00:24:03] Amri Kibbler: Okay. And last question, if you could send a message in a bottle to another mom who had just been diagnosed with breast cancer, what would you say?
[00:24:14] Mercedes Wilson: The first word that comes to mind is breathe. And I say breathe because it's a crazy journey. But when I breathe, I think of relaxing and letting down our guards and allowing those around us. To be the love and the light. And add to that, because we give so much as women, as mothers and breathing will allow us to kind of exhale and allow others to do what we do for them every day.
[00:24:45] Mercedes Wilson: The love, the care, the support, the cards, whatever it is around us, will help carry you through because this is the, this is a a tough journey. So I would say breathe, but in the breathing, truly let go and relax and allow those around you to love on you.
[00:25:03] Amri Kibbler: Mercedes, thank you so much for being on. This is a beautiful conversation and I really appreciate all of your insights and advice and just you opening your heart and sharing your day with us.
[00:25:15] Amri Kibbler: Thank you. Thanks so much for joining me on this episode of The Space Between If this show brought you comfort or a sense of community, I'd love for you to subscribe and share it with anyone who might need it too. You can join the conversation on instagram at thespacebetween_cancer.family, and head to amrikibbler.com for more resources designed to support parents navigating cancer.
[00:25:41] Amri Kibbler: Just remember, you're never alone. This podcast is here as a companion on your journey towards healing, growth, and connection.