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During the month of March, we are going to be launching our latest series called “In the Thick of It: Small Steps for Quick Wins”. During this series I will be bringing you some of my favourite tools – things that are not rocket science, are totally able to be integrated into your life, no matter how crazy and chaotic it is, and that are guaranteed to make a difference if you apply them consistently.
Today I want to tell you about one of my all time favourite tools – called Opposite Action. Before I tell you about the tool, let’s talk about when you are going to use it.
The most substantial way we can use this tool is when we are in trauma reactivity. When you experienced something traumatic, you had a response in the moment. It might have been to fight back, to run away, to hold still and wait it out, or to placate the situation to get through it by the skin of your teeth. More commonly we know these responses as fight, flight, freeze and fawn. I’m going to add a response type that many of you in First Response and Front Line Work might actually feel is more appropriate to when you are in work-related crisis situations, and I call it “Hold”. Hold is a weird mix of all of the trauma responses. It’s a little like freeze, because you are staying in the situation. It’s a little like fawn, because you might have to talk someone down or come across like an ally to try to deescalate. It's a little like fight because you may have to take action and engage. And it’s a little like flight because you are on edge and ready to move. When you are the responder in a crisis, your job is to stay. The role is to hold. To run into the fire when everyone else is running away. While this is the job, you are still human within your work and your brain is still firing off all of the natural stress responses, it’s just been trained to background those responses and hold in the moment.
Whatever our response to a trauma-related event might have been, and regardless of whether the trauma is work related or something else, that response becomes imprinted on us and embedded in the wiring around the memory of that experience.
Commonly, the response we had in a moment, is not the response we wish we could have had when we look at it in hindsight. And when it becomes embedded into our systems, it can become the triggered response over and over and over and over again. And that my friends, is crappy. Because each time we repeat this, it becomes further embedded into the wiring AND it starts to generalize not only to that one specific experience, but to others that your brain perceives as sufficiently similar.
Think about it like taking a pen and scraping a line into a wood surface. One time wouldn’t be particularly deep, but if you kept doing it over and over, that divot would get deeper and deeper and become harder to repair. That’s what it’s like when you repeat trauma reactions over time – the neurological connections around it become more and more deeply entrenched.
Now here is where opposite action come in to play – opposite action is like sandpaper. Every time you engage this tool, rather than further entrenching the trauma response you are creating a new neurological pathway, and every time you repeat this you are undermining the trauma reaction pathway. It like taking a piece of sandpaper and running it over that gouge. Slowly but surely, the trench we wore will smooth out and look brand new.
Ok, so how do we use opposite action? Start with these 3 questions:
1. When you think back on the traumatic experience what do you wish you could have done or said in that situation?
2. When the traumatic situation happened, what was your need?
3. When you reflect on your body’s response to the traumatic experience, what would be the opposite of however it was made to feel and respond?
In focusing on these questions and the responses that naturally come in answering them, you will get a sense of what would be a corrective emotional experience. In the moment of a traumatic experience, we lack choice and the freedom to make decisions – something hard is thrust on us without our vote and we are just left to figure it out. But as we continue to live with the impact of that experience, we have choice in how we allow it to continue living within us – in our bodies and in our responses.
Opposite action can show up in specific moments of being triggered, but also in general decisions you make to support yourself being aligned to the kind of person you choose to be. …This will connect a bit to where we’re headed in next weeks’ episode around the story we tell ourselves. If you are a member of the Beating the Breaking Point support experience, my enhanced resilience training program, you will find a worksheet in the training vault that includes and extensive list of examples of opposite actions. If you’re not yet a member – I really encourage you to go check it out – the program includes my signature self-paced online training along with access to a private support community where you can connect with me for support in applying your learning, and our growing training vault with bonus materials to help you continue to grow in your resilience.
Episode Challenge:
· Register for Beating the Breaking Point (choose the enhanced support experience – it’s worth it!), my online resilience training program.
Additional Resources:
Register for Beating the Breaking Point, our top-rated self-paced resilience training program tailor made for First Responders and Front Line Workers to protect against (and recover from) Burnout and related concerns (eg. Organizational Stress, Compassion Fatigue and Vicarious Trauma).
Check out some of our related episodes…
- Impacts of Trauma Series (S3E9-13)
- May Mini’s (Quick Tips for Regulation) (S2E35-39)
- Impacts of Trauma Series (S3E9-13)
- May Mini’s (Quick Tips for Regulation) (S2E35-39)
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Creators & Guests
What is Behind The Line?
Created for First Responders and Front Line Workers to tackle the challenges of working on the front lines. Dig into topics on burnout, workplace dynamics, managing mental health, balancing family life...and so much more. Created and hosted by Lindsay Faas, clinical counsellor and trauma therapist. View the show notes, and access bonus resources at https://my.thrive-life.ca/behind-the-line.
Hey there and welcome back to Behind the Line.
I’m your host Lindsay Faas. If you are new to Behind the Line, what you should know about me is that I am a clinical counsellor specializing in trauma therapy, and after over a decade working with First Responders and Front Line Workers around issues like burnout, compassion fatigue, PTSD and related OSI’s, I have become a passionate wellness advocate and educator for those who sacrifice so much for our communities out on the front lines. Behind the Line is a place for us to talk about the real life behind the scenes challenges facing you on the front lines. I created this podcast with the hope of bringing easy access to skills for wellness – allowing you to find greater sustainability, both on the job and off.
Before I tell you about our new March series, I want to take a moment to thank you for being here with me. I know there are a lot of demands on your time and energy, I know there are a million other things you could be doing right now, and I want you to know how honored I genuinely am that you choose to spend some of your precious time with me. During the month of March, we are going to be launching our latest series called “In the Thick of It: Small Steps for Quick Wins”. During this series I will be bringing you some of my favourite tools – things that are not rocket science, are totally able to be integrated into your life, no matter how crazy and chaotic it is, and that are guaranteed to make a difference if you apply them consistently. Currently, I am admittedly in a moment in my own life where there are some increased demands on my time and energy, so I am scaling this series back a bit and you’ll notice that the episodes will be a bit shorter – but they are packing a punch, don’t be fooled by the run time!
Today I want to tell you about one of my all time favourite tools – called Opposite Action. Before I tell you about the tool, let’s talk about when you are going to use it.
The most substantial way we can use this tool is when we are in trauma reactivity. When you experienced something traumatic, you had a response in the moment. It might have been to fight back, to run away, to hold still and wait it out, or to placate the situation to get through it by the skin of your teeth. More commonly we know these responses as fight, flight, freeze and fawn. I’m going to add a response type that many of you in First Response and Front Line Work might actually feel is more appropriate to when you are in work-related crisis situations, and I call it “Hold”. Hold is a weird mix of all of the trauma responses. It’s a little like freeze, because you are staying in the situation. It’s a little like fawn, because you might have to talk someone down or come across like an ally to try to deescalate. It's a little like fight because you may have to take action and engage. And it’s a little like flight because you are on edge and ready to move. When you are the responder in a crisis, your job is to stay. The role is to hold. To run into the fire when everyone else is running away. While this is the job, you are still human within your work and your brain is still firing off all of the natural stress responses, it’s just been trained to background those responses and hold in the moment.
Whatever our response to a trauma-related event might have been, and regardless of whether the trauma is work related or something else, that response becomes imprinted on us and embedded in the wiring around the memory of that experience. Hear that again: whatever our response to a trauma-related event might have been, and regardless of whether the trauma is work related or something else, that response becomes imprinted on us and embedded in the wiring around the memory of that experience.
Commonly, the response we had in a moment, is not the response we wish we could have had when we look at it in hindsight. And when it becomes embedded into our systems, it can become the triggered response over and over and over and over again. And that my friends, is crappy. Because each time we repeat this, it becomes further embedded into the wiring AND it starts to generalize not only to that one specific experience, but to others that your brain perceives as sufficiently similar.
Think about it like taking a pen and scraping a line into a wood surface. One time wouldn’t be particularly deep, but if you kept doing it over and over, that divot would get deeper and deeper and become harder to repair. That’s what it’s like when you repeat trauma reactions over time – the neurological connections around it become more and more deeply entrenched.
Now here is where opposite action come in to play – opposite action is like sandpaper. Every time you engage this tool, rather than further entrenching the trauma response you are creating a new neurological pathway, and every time you repeat this you are undermining the trauma reaction pathway. It like taking a piece of sandpaper and running it over that gouge. Slowly but surely, the trench we wore will smooth out and look brand new.
Ok, so how do we use opposite action? Start with these 3 questions:
1. When you think back on the traumatic experience what do you wish you could have done or said in that situation?
2. When the traumatic situation happened, what was your need?
3. When you reflect on your body’s response to the traumatic experience, what would be the opposite of however it was made to feel and respond?
In focusing on these questions and the responses that naturally come in answering them, you will get a sense of what would be a corrective emotional experience. In the moment of a traumatic experience, we lack choice and the freedom to make decisions – something hard is thrust on us without our vote and we are just left to figure it out. But as we continue to live with the impact of that experience, we have choice in how we allow it to continue living within us – in our bodies and in our responses.
If, in reflection, I’m aware that my body tensed up during the event, and that my triggered response is to tense up, then an opposite action might be massaging specific muscle groups, sitting with a heating pad on specific parts of my body to ease tension, engaging in stretching for certain muscle groups, or using things like a magnesium supplement to support reducing muscle tension generally. I can engage in these ways generally in my daily life to show care for my body’s proclivity toward tension, but I can also use these as new pathway builders in the specific moments that I am triggered and my body wants to jump to tension when it doesn’t really need to. I can train it to go a different direction and create a new pathway.
If, in reflection, the traumatic experience provoked a feeling of helpless, alone and ashamed – the need might have been powerful, connected, and validated. Seeking out ways to create connections to these opposing feelings brings a powerful corrective experience that teaches us to see ourselves in a new way. We can learn that we are not defined by these feelings and that we are empowered to shape how we think and feel about ourselves. I might seek out opportunities to show myself that I am powerful. I remember taking a self-defence class that I valued so much for gifting me with a stronger sense of my capacity to protect myself. You might seek out people who are safe to know your story, and who encourage and build you up.
As you reflect, you might have wished to be able to take an action, like fight back or run away, when in the moment of the trauma you froze. Engaging in recalling the events with new responses can help us process them differently. For example, in sessions we will run on the spot while processing a situation where the response at the time was freeze; or I have had clients who have shadow boxed in session while sharing about their experience and what they wish they could have done if they had been older/bigger/faster, etc. I see the wishes most commonly in situation where people were small when trauma happened, or when freeze or fawn were the response. In these cases, we likely wanted to do something else in the moment, but freeze or fawn felt safest when we realized that we couldn’t win in a fist fight or a foot race. These are especially hard, as our response in the moment can feel like we betrayed ourselves. It’s important to remember that trauma is thrust upon us involuntarily and our bodies do the best they can to keep us safe to get through it. What we do with it after that is where we get to reclaim our power. Shaming ourselves and holding our natural responses against us benefits absolutely no one and really just keep us entrenched in the trauma.
Opposite action can show up in specific moments of being triggered, but also in general decisions you make to support yourself being aligned to the kind of person you choose to be. …This will connect a bit to where we’re headed in next weeks’ episode around the story we tell ourselves. If you are a member of the Beating the Breaking Point support experience, my enhanced resilience training program, you will find a worksheet in the training vault that includes and extensive list of examples of opposite actions. If you’re not yet a member – I really encourage you to go check it out – the program includes my signature self-paced online training along with access to a private support community where you can connect with me for support in applying your learning, and our growing training vault with bonus materials to help you continue to grow in your resilience.
As we wrap up today, let me say thank you again for being here with me.
If you value this podcast and want to help us in our mission to support front line wellness, there are 3 ways you can do just that:
1. Rate and review Behind the Line on Apple Podcast, or wherever you are listening
2. Follow me on social media, @lindsayafaas, and engage with me and this amazing little community we are building there. Every time you like, comment and share our posts you help us spread like wildfire thanks to the magic of the algorithm.
3. Share this resource and our other resources with those you know. Whether that’s forwarding our weekly newsletters on to your friends and co-workers, listening to the podcast as part of a team meeting, or using our burnout indicators checklist and triage guide as a staff-wide tool – every little bit helps us to take our mission to the next level and serve those who are sacrificing so much to serve our communities out on the front lines.
Know that we can be found online on our website, on most major podcast platforms as well as on youtube. We make all of our resources available to you because the work you do matters, but more than that, YOU matter and we want to make sure you have what you need to keep up the good work at work, as well as in your real life outside of work. So use it, and share it, and until next time, stay safe.