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Sex education and sexual interest don’t end at a certain age. Melanie Ramey is here not only to debunk myths about sexuality, sexual involvement, and connection later in life but to shed light on sexual information for all ages. This podcast will answer the questions that were never properly answered in health class and address the sex information we need but are too reluctant to discuss. Join Melanie for frank discussions about bodies, sexual health, desire, and age, with honesty and humor.
Sex is fun and enjoyable, but only if we're safe and not putting each other at risk. Sexually transmitted diseases are all too common, and we'd be wise to protect ourselves. Welcome to the Sexually Speaking podcast with sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey. Today, Melanie discusses the basics about communication related to safe sex and how to protect each other from disease.
Melanie Ramey: [00:00:31] Hello, and welcome to Sexually Speaking. This is Melanie Ramey, and I'm really glad you joined us today because I want to remind you about something that happened in 2001. It was really quite interesting because in 2001, the Surgeon General of the United States, at that time he was General David Satcher, issued what was known as a call to action to promote sexual health and responsible sexual behavior. Now, this was the first time that the United States government really had recognized the importance of sexual health. The report really focused on sexual health as a part of overall health and well-being, and Doctor Satcher's report contained many of the aspects that were contained in the World Health Organization definition of sexuality that we also use on this program, that the sex, our sexuality, is the very core of who we are as human beings throughout our life. It's not the absence of disease, but it is a normal, positive and healthy aspect of human life. Now, I also want to point out that our programs do not focus on a certain age range because of sexuality being a part of your life from the day you're born till the day you die, there are many things that you will learn on these programs that will apply to you as long as you live. So, you know, I don't think that we want to think of it as just being certain times in our life.
Melanie Ramey: [00:02:20] Someone recently wrote in a question and they asked, Melanie, what do you think about going bareback? Well, since I'm not a veterinarian, my response to that is, first of all, if a person is trying to get pregnant and you are really, really sure that your partner does not have an STI or an STD, then it's fine. In case you aren't familiar with the term, it really means having sex without a barrier. And of course, it's taken from riding a horse without a saddle. I am sure that there are some sharp business types listening in who are familiar with the term RBA Risk Benefit Analysis. This is where the potential risk of an action is compared to the potential benefit. So let's do an RBA about going bareback. The risk is unwanted pregnancy and/or contracting a STI or STD. The benefit is a pregnancy, if one is trying to conceive, and heightened sensation from skin to skin contact. So that's what the RBA would tell us. But going bareback really requires a conversation between the two persons as to the risks, the expectations and the boundaries. Be sure both have been tested recently for STIs. Keep using a barrier until both have the results and then decide how you want to proceed. Just remember that you both have the right to change your minds at any time, regardless of the effect.
Melanie Ramey: [00:04:25] There is no question sex can be a very enjoyable experience, but only if it's safe for those involved. And there are really six important things to remember for sex to be safe. The first thing is, if you are sexually active, it's very important to be tested for STDs Sexually Transmitted Diseases periodically. Some STDs are have very mild symptoms and some not at all. You can ask your primary physician to test you or go to a clinic like health service if you're in college or university or a Planned Parenthood clinic. This is very important as you can transmit the disease to another person as it was transmitted to you. You will also hear the term STI. STIs and STDs are sometimes used interchangeably, although they are different. A STI is a bacteria or virus that can become a disease, and it's a disease when it interferes with a bodily process or function. Some STIs do not become STDs if they're treated near the beginning, but most do. The CDC reports that 1 in 5 people. Have an STI or STD, and that 50% are between the ages of 15 and 24. So that leaves 50% that are over 24. And that can be 50, 60, 70, 80, 90. Anybody can get an STD or an STI if they are infected by another person. So STDs are really serious matters.
Melanie Ramey: [00:06:32] A second thing to ensure that you are going to have safe sex is to use a condom correctly. It's really the only way to help protect yourself from getting an STD and pregnancy, but only if you use it the right way. Only put a condom on an erect or hard penis. Push any air out of the end and pull it all of the way down. When you are finished having sex, then take hold of the base and pull out. It's simple and necessary, but I am always amazed at how many people have not been taught how to put a condom on correctly. This is something that every father should be able to teach his son, or every mother should be able to teach her son. It's not that complicated, but it's very critical. Another thing about using a condom is do not use an expired condom. Condoms expire just like milk and other kinds of things. Check the date. If a condom is expired or it's dry or sticky or stiff when you take it out of the package, use another one because it's no longer effective.
Melanie Ramey: [00:07:55] A fourth thing to know about having safe sex is that birth control medications do not stop STDs, and that includes IUD. Barrier forms such as condoms or dental dams lower your chance of STD and pregnancy. Now, I will put some information on the Facebook page about dental dams and where to get them. And I also have a suggestion for any dentist listening, and if you have a dentist who's not listening, you should clue them in. You know when you go to the dentist and you go into the bathroom, they have a box or a basket or something with new toothbrushes. And so you're supposed to take these toothbrushes, of course, and brush your teeth more diligently from then on. I think they should also put a little box or basket in with dental dams, because that would do more to help people not get STDs and STIs than anything. So any dentist listening, you know, give it a thought and contribute to helping people have better sexual health.
Melanie Ramey: [00:09:12] The fifth thing to know is that anal sex is not a sure way to avoid pregnancy. The reason is that the semen can move from the anal area to the vagina. STDs are your main concern in that instance. Rectal tissue is thin and can tear easily, letting infection in. Using a condom every time you have anal sex and use plenty of lubrication is important. Condoms may break more easily during anal sex, and there is less natural lubrication in the anus. Do not have unprotected sex when you are having your period. Now some people think they can't get pregnant if they have sex during their period. It may be unlikely, but it is possible. Your fertile period starts five days before you ovulate and lasts until one day after. So if you have short periods or irregular cycles, your chance of getting pregnant during your period is increased. So there's really no safe time during your cycle to have sex. If you don't want to get pregnant the best way to protect yourself is to use contraception.
Melanie Ramey: [00:10:37] You know, we're talking about condoms, they have really a very interesting history. I will put a historical reference on the Facebook page. And this is a book written by Professor Donna Drucker of Columbia University School of Nursing. She does an excellent job in tracing some of the interesting historical facts about condoms. Some scholars, for example, think that the Egyptians were the first to use condoms and that they were likely made of linen. But it's also known that the ancient Romans also used a sheath method. The intestines and the bladders of sheep and goats were also used to create a barrier in women to prevent the spread of diseases, and syphilis was the main disease known in that time. The ancient Chinese also developed condoms out of silk paper and used it with oils for lubrication. In the 15th century, there was actually an epidemic of syphilis in Europe, and during that time, an Italian anatomist, Gabriele Falloppio, was the first person to actually write down anything about using a condom, and he described a linen sheath that that people could make and tie it with a ribbon to prevent syphilis. So there were all sorts of attempts to create better and more comfortable ones, but in reality they were not widely used before about 1840, because they cost about $1 each. And the average wage at that time was $14 a week. So you can see people did not have money to spend on sheaths of various kind. Then came along Charles Goodyear. Charles Goodyear was a self-taught chemist, and he got a patent for vulcanizing rubber in 1844, and the first condoms made from rubber became available in 1855. However, Charles Goodyear did not own the Goodyear company. When a factory was formed to make tires it was named in his honor because of the vulcanizing of rubber made it possible to produce tires in large quantities. As a matter of fact, Charles Goodyear died a debtor. Many people infringed on his patent and made a lot of money from it, but he did not.
Melanie Ramey: [00:13:30] Interesting enough, the condom was used basically to prevent the spread of venereal disease until the mid 20th century, when it became the main form of family planning. This continued until the 1960s when the contraceptive pill was developed. By 1965, 22% of couples using contraception used condoms for that purpose. By 1976, that figure was down to 11%. However, there was a great resurgence and the use of condoms in the 1980s when HIV AIDS began spreading. In 1986, the Surgeon General at that time, Doctor Koop, issued a recommendation that condoms should be used to prevent the spread of the virus, and since then, of course, our knowledge of STIs and STDs has grown and their use is still recommended. You and your partner really do have to talk about sex before you decide to do it. I know many of you have told me that you don't know what to say. There are no really exact words for every situation, but basically start the conversation by saying you want to talk about whether or not to have sex. Ask your potential partner if he or she has been tested for an STD, and ask if they had had sex with anyone since. And then you need to reveal whether you have been tested. Ask about condom use. If you cannot talk with someone that you are considering having a sexual relationship with, then you really don't have much of a relationship.
Melanie Ramey: [00:15:31] One extremely important thing I want you to understand about a relationship is that if you are with a person who is very controlling, wants to know what you do all of the time, and is very jealous, don't misunderstand that. This is not love. People too often think that kind of behavior is because someone loves them. It has nothing to do with love. This is also the kind of person that you can't discuss having sex with because they want to have sex however it is that they want to have it. But listen to me. What this shows is that this person is very, very insecure. Jealousy is a combination of two very strong emotions, the emotion of fear and the emotion of anger coming together. They are afraid that you will leave them, and they are angry that you might. Head for the hills. This situation will not improve until that person has had some kind of therapy. You cannot fix it. And if you stay in the relationship, you may well be assaulted or even killed. Get out. And as again, this is certainly the kind of person, if you say that you'd like to talk about sex, they'll say they don't want to. They don't have to. I will also post some resources on the Facebook page for helping you understand about different STDs and how to talk with children about their sexuality in this regard. Until next time, stay healthy.
You've been listening to Sexually Speaking with sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey. Join Melanie again for more discussion about sexuality. Please visit Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.