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This Jewish Inspiration Podcast is dedicated to learning, understanding and enhancing our relationship with Hashem by working on improving our G-d given soul traits and aspiring to reflect His holy name each and every day. The goal is for each listener to hear something inspirational with each episode that will enhance their life.
All right, welcome back everybody. It is way number 40. Way number 40 is umachriyot l'kaf sechut, is to judge other people favorably, make others meritorious. You know, it's an amazing thing. If you look at at the words of the Mishnah, so in this Mishnah over here, chapter 6, Mishnah 6 in Ethics of Our Fathers and Pirkei Avot, it says machriyot l'kaf sechut,
judge unfavorably. But in the Mishnah earlier, it says, hevidan es kol ha'adam l'kaf sechut, judge every person favorably is what's popular, the popular translation. But if you look at it very carefully, hevidan es kol ha'adam, judge the entire person l'kaf sechut, favorably. You know what it means to judge the entire person favorably? Get the full picture. If you can't get the full picture, you have no business judging them. Many times we just get a glimpse. We see a little picture of the person's activity or something they've done,
but we don't see the backdrop. We don't see what's going on behind the scenes. We don't know what brought them to this point. We don't know what challenges they're facing. We don't know the whole story around it. We're just judging a specific instance, a specific moment. To be a good human being, you have to be as equally concerned for others. Their lives and suffering are just as real as yours. We mentioned that in the previous way, way number 39.
When we're helping others, our minds are objective and functioning well. Then we can do the same for ourselves. Help others. You're cognizant. You know how many times people ask for advice? And we can give them advice. We can give them sound advice. We think about it objectively. But then for ourselves, we can't. Because we're subjective to our own problems. We have our own our own emotions involved. We have our own concerns that come with it.
A person needs to realize if you can help others, you can help yourself, too. You're not exempt from being assisted. Don't suffer humanity's problems. Find a cure instead. Someone's got an issue. Don't make it your problem. I say this about parenting a lot. That parents are not allowed to make their children's problems their problems. If your child is dealing with a struggle, if you're going to make their struggle your problem, you're never going to be able to help them.
It's their problem. And I'm here to help as a parent. I'm here to help. But the minute I make it my problem, I'll give you an example. A parent gets a phone call. I don't know. My kids are angels. I've never gotten such a phone call. Right? Ever. But if the parents get a phone call from school, your child is misbehaving. I've seen parents make it their problem. And now they start battling with the school. They start battling with the teacher, battling with the principal.
You're not helping your son. You're not helping your daughter. You're not helping your child deal with whatever issue they're dealing with. You're making it your problem. And now you're completely erased from being able to assist them. Instead, realize that your child is facing some type of challenge. And now I can help them. It's my child's problem, not my problem. And to keep a perspective to it. Don't suffer their problems. If it's their problems, try to help them. Try to guide them.
Interesting that the word Dan L'kaf S'chut. Judging others to the side of favor. Like you have, a kaf means a spoon. But think of it as the weights of a weight, right? You can decide favorably or unfavorably. You see someone doing something. You could judge them favorably or unfavorably. You're the judge. But if you take the word kaf, kaf means a spoon. You ever look at a dish, you're spooning around, you're looking for something good, right? You're looking for, that's what the spoon is used for.
Yeah, you fish around for something good. Dan L'kaf S'chut, fish around for something good in another person. Use that kaf, use that spoon. Look around for something good, right? You put your spoon in the chalant. You're looking for like a good, a good piece of meat. You're looking for a good piece of something. Guess what? Every person has something good. Spoon around a little bit. Find something good. There's, every person has good to it. A kaf is also a shoehorn.
It's also like a spoon, right? It doesn't make the shoe larger or the foot smaller. It just makes it fit. If you try to be Dan L'kaf S'chut, use, then you'll make it fit as well. Sometimes you're like, the story doesn't fit. It doesn't fit. What do you mean? He's like, I'm gonna just, guess what? Use that shoehorn, make it fit. It doesn't make the person more righteous. It doesn't make the situation more, make it fit. That's why sometimes we have like,
the guy is guilty. I was there. I saw it with my own hands, with my own eyes. I saw it. I saw the person do this. Yeah, but you don't know the full circumstance. I don't need to know the full circumstance. Enough what I saw is guilty. And then you find that one piece of information. I'll give you, I'll give you a story, a great story. It's one of my favorite stories on the topic of judging people favorably. There was a man whose daughter got engaged
in Ashdod, in one of the cities in Israel. And he went to the rabbi and he shared with the rabbi a concern. He says, look, I get a mazel tov. My daughter got engaged, but I'm broke. I don't know how in the world I'm going to pay for a wedding. So the rabbi's like, we'll see what we can put together as a synagogue to help you out. So the rabbi speaks to a bunch of people and they put together a fund.
And they put together a nice sum of money for this person to do a wedding. They come to the wedding and the people are disheartened. It is a star-studded wedding. It is the most gorgeous wedding they've ever seen. With all the lights and the flowers and the food is top notch. They're like, what in the world is going on here? This is the same guy we made a fund for? A charity fund to assist this guy in paying off for his daughter's wedding?
And this is the type of wedding he throws? What a chutzpah. People were so mad. People were so upset. The next day he goes to shul. No one wants to say hello to him. No one wants to wish him on. He just made a wedding yesterday. People come over, say mazel tov. Mazel tov your daughter's wedding yesterday, right? No one's looking at the guy. Everyone was disgusted. So he goes to the rabbi. He's like, what's going on here? So what do you mean what's going on here?
You came to me. You told me you couldn't afford to pay for a wedding. We put together a special fund. We gave you the sum of money and that's the type of wedding you throw? A first class wedding? So the rabbi let me tell you the story. He says, I walked into the caterer and I told the caterer that I needed to make a wedding for my daughter. And these are the funds that I have available.
No problem. We'll make a wedding with the funds that you have available. He says, just fill out the application. Put out all the information. The groom's side, the bride's side. You put all the information, the date, the time, everything. They do that. They fill out the information. He says, one second. What's your last name? He says, so-and-so. Whatever it is. Goldstein, right? He says, Goldstein. Goldstein from where? He says, where's your father from? He says, my father's from this town in Poland. He says, one second. Your father is so-and-so?
He says, yeah. From that shtetl? He says, yeah. He says, I don't believe it. He says, your father single-handedly saved my father's life during the holocaust. I've been looking for a way to repay the family of this person for saving my father's life. He says, whatever money you have, it's fine. I'm doing the wedding. I'm taking care of everything from here on. And the man says to the rabbi, he says, I walked into the wedding. I was shocked myself. I was embarrassed myself.
For whatever the fund was able to put together is what I gave the caterer. But the caterer decided he's going to go all out. And he's going to make this the nicest wedding to show his gratitude and his thanks for my father saving his father's life. So you're right. You walk into that wedding. You're like, this is disgusting. What type of things? I saw it with my own eyes. But we don't know the backdrop of the story. We don't know what's really going on behind the scenes.
So the rabbi, of course, got up from the pulpit that Shabbos and he says, look, we all need to do teshuvah. Because the Mishnah tells us we have to judge every person favorably. Here is our lesson. This is what we need to know. What everyone here didn't know about that wedding this week is what you need to know. And he shared that information. Do everything you can to help other people. Everyone needs someone else. Feel your
responsibility. The buck stops here with me. I'm the one who decides how we judge other people. Judge the whole person favorably. Take everything into consideration. Not just the specific instance. My dear friends, have an amazing Shabbos. Thank you so much for coming. And thank you so much for listening.