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Kevin has big, life-changing news! Harley has a normal, unexceptional weekend! Plus: Dixon the Cuck Cow!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
For 25 years, Kevin Smith has tried to make his beardless, dickless twin of a daughter Harley laugh in real life. Now he does it every week on a podcast.
00:00:23
Speaker 1: Welcome bad. It's a beardless, dickless me.
00:00:27
Speaker 2: I'm Kevin Smith and Harley Quinn Smith.
00:00:30
Speaker 1: Okay, yes, we will address the big story right off the top is something that I could not wait to get to this episode to talk about. So as folks remember I had that artist painted cell.
00:00:49
Speaker 2: I was. I was waiting off of.
00:00:51
Speaker 1: The piece that I lost on eBay and my man Bobby d did a fucking phenomenal job. But this is where the story gets interested, and this is why people tuned in this week. The piece that I lost, the original Rocky check piece, is back up for auction and they put it up at one hundred dollars more than they started the auction last time. And it's the same person. So that person, what it looks like, was nudging it themselves hoping that I would then go over the top bid. But I missed it, and that drove me to as we listened to last week, go like, oh I got it. I can have somebody else paint this, and I did and it was victorious. But now it's available.
00:01:41
Speaker 2: Again, so don't get it.
00:01:43
Speaker 1: But there's two ways to look at this. I could punish that person and not get it, or I could get it because that has three signatures. It as June four eight, Bill Hurtz, who was the director, and Chris Jenkins, who is one of the writers.
00:01:55
Speaker 2: Come on, man, stand up for something.
00:01:58
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm not that spine. He just wants what he wants. He's like a field mouse. He just go runs from pain and runs toward pleasure. I guess I think.
00:02:09
Speaker 2: That's really fucked. I think that's fucked that the guide or whoever did can't prove it.
00:02:15
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure maybe that person might be like, oh no, no, somebody fucked me on the auction, so I just put it back up. But they could have then hit me up like independently.
00:02:23
Speaker 2: And one hundred dollars more.
00:02:26
Speaker 1: I think somebody was scamming two pieces. Both the pieces that I lost, one was the Rocky check piece and one was just a bowlinkle piece, a bowlinkle and Rocky piece that had those same three signatures on it went it and both of those I was quote unquote overbid on. And now both of them are back up for sale by the same seller.
00:02:47
Speaker 2: Like somebody wants is trying to Yeah, it's really trying to use you right now, really, and.
00:02:56
Speaker 1: That kid's is the subject of this week's episode. Should I or shouldn't I buy that rocky check piece on eBay? Now, before we get to that, I think Harley has something she wants to talk about it.
00:03:21
Speaker 2: No, you know what, let's keep talking about the check piece.
00:03:24
Speaker 1: Two of us. You know, we both host the show, so it makes sense that you should say a little something and then I'll go back into the rocky check I.
00:03:33
Speaker 2: Mean, priorities, priorities, What what's going on in your world?
00:03:38
Speaker 1: Would you have to pitch?
00:03:39
Speaker 2: So let's see, I didn't have any check art replicated, So.
00:03:45
Speaker 1: Not that fucking nothing's going on. Your sounds like I win this week again, kids, Most exciting life changing events are happening in Kevin Smith's world.
00:03:56
Speaker 2: Oh something, something normal, casual did happen?
00:04:02
Speaker 1: They asked your got back to school to do a modern day rendition of John Proctor.
00:04:10
Speaker 2: That would be top of the top of the show news that would come before.
00:04:14
Speaker 1: The check You're like, oh my god, you may have mocked me, but fucking Proctor Loser. I'm the fucking main Proctor. Proctor Loser. It's a whole fucking show with proctors from across the Procter verse and I'm the main proctor.
00:04:34
Speaker 2: I mean, talk about a dream come true.
00:04:37
Speaker 1: Speaking of dream come true, let's get to the real meeting Potato kids, ain't nothing bullshit about it, bugge.
00:04:45
Speaker 3: Even we were burying the lead, one of us got a whilest Appairly recently I got kid Or, to quote your Instagram.
00:05:00
Speaker 1: Post, we're motherfucking engage delightful. I was, like, I raised, I could, Harley and Austin if you don't know by now got engaged.
00:05:13
Speaker 2: We really did.
00:05:14
Speaker 1: And this week, naturally, instead of me fucking telling you you know, so, here's another wrinkling the eBay story. Like we're gonna hear from young Love, We're gonna hear how it happened firsthand, never mind what you read on Instagram. So true, walk us through it, motherfucker.
00:05:32
Speaker 2: I can tell you the story firsthand, dude.
00:05:35
Speaker 1: I want to hear it, man, first hand account of being on the receiving end of the biggest question you'll ever be asked, Oh my god, other than is your dad as nice as he seems in all the interviews, that's the big question.
00:05:52
Speaker 2: Can I meet your dad?
00:05:55
Speaker 1: That's the way comes a question in everyone's life, and is a biggie.
00:06:01
Speaker 2: Can I hear it was?
00:06:05
Speaker 1: Uh here? I naturally I just want to talk, but you it's your story. I'll jump in. It seems like, yes, I.
00:06:16
Speaker 2: Could give you the first hand, or but you could give the second hand.
00:06:19
Speaker 1: Can I kep explaining your your engagements? Everybody please now walk us through it. You just to set the stage. Harley and Austin have been dating for five and a half years, living together in sin As. Father Dave might say, dam I'm sorry, sainted Father Dave, who won't be performing this wedding. God, damn it he is. But it would have been amazing. He would have been like, oh, that's time he was done. You watch me. Don't even fucking kid you. I'll get up there and my mother will cry. She's like, oh my god, my my my granddaughter getting married. My son's singing, Father Dave, it is the best day of my life.
00:07:08
Speaker 2: Take me now, Jesus, me now, Maria.
00:07:15
Speaker 1: So they've been together? How long you been living together?
00:07:18
Speaker 2: Ever since? COVID that when you got the house? No, we lived here, remember, yeah, but I.
00:07:24
Speaker 1: Don't count, but yes they have. You know what that does count? They lived here in the house together. But when did you get your house. When did you move out?
00:07:32
Speaker 2: I think maybe three years ago.
00:07:34
Speaker 1: So they've been living together for three.
00:07:36
Speaker 2: Years because we lived in Dallas for six months while they were shooting.
00:07:43
Speaker 1: Not to and then they were here when we were doing soun in Lockdown. I called this ship. I've seen the future.
00:07:56
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
00:07:57
Speaker 1: That boy came in and I was like, everyone worked in this house. Boy, No one sleeps naked in this house.
00:08:02
Speaker 2: You really put him to work right away.
00:08:05
Speaker 1: And I was like, you're gonna play my son lo and behold all right. So they've been together for like a minute. There was certainly no like it will they won't they There was always a sense of like, well, these kids are heading to it, but.
00:08:21
Speaker 2: You had no I had no fucking idea. I didn't think this was coming for like a year. This was not even coming.
00:08:30
Speaker 1: You didn't think it was even more than hard. Thank you.
00:08:35
Speaker 2: Yep, took the words right off of my mouth. I had, seriously, no, not not an inch of me. Now, I had no fucking Let's talk about them.
00:08:53
Speaker 1: What what happened?
00:08:56
Speaker 2: Wow? Austin's sister and her Husban spend Jada and and David.
00:09:02
Speaker 1: On Instagram as Jada and David I believe correct.
00:09:05
Speaker 2: Check them out Day Rock once.
00:09:07
Speaker 1: Again like, yes, Harley has a story to tell. But let me jump in and say that Jada and David did photographs for us. They were here in town, not even under the pretense, literally to shoot our new pictures for for Beerless Stick with Me, which remind me to talk about when we're past your very selfish news and we can get back to our show. I said to you before we went, I was like, this will be the most heard I mean, it's always about you. I'm wait, what was I talking about?
00:09:43
Speaker 2: For all the hours I've sat and listened to your ebays stories and the retelling of the coal miner's daughter.
00:09:50
Speaker 1: I said, when I was upstairs before, I uh, before we were supposed to record like two hours ago. But then she was like, I'm hungry, make me some food. Jeeves actually made me some free there it is, and I went out and cooked and chip. But when I came back, I was talking about, Wait, what was it?
00:10:08
Speaker 2: I don't know.
00:10:11
Speaker 1: Oh, then I pretended, as I said, Austin, you know, he asked our permission, And then I said to him, don't you never had to do the point. That's what her dad does don't you never hit her boy, and don't you never take her away from home far from home or some shit.
00:10:29
Speaker 2: I've never seen the movie, but your retelling was so so detailed that I was able to recognize.
00:10:36
Speaker 1: The quote thank you. That's that's you know. My clinics are free. So they were here, Jada and David taking photos which I'm only popping in here to say, we're fucking fire.
00:10:56
Speaker 2: I know. I can't wait to see those.
00:10:58
Speaker 1: Fucking fire like. I was beyond delighted.
00:11:02
Speaker 2: They're so talented.
00:11:03
Speaker 1: We all made some art on a Friday night. Many they shot like Harley before me, like would you get a jotstone or something. But then when we did our new art work, which is fucking stunning, Like Harley was like, what's the new artwork going to be? And I gave a theme and she was like, oh, the kids killed fucking killed it. So boy, that was that was like for me, like this is the best thing is going to happen all weekend.
00:11:33
Speaker 2: I mean seriously, I've yeah, I was just having a good time. I was like, we just had a great time on Friday. Then the next day we had a little vegan barbecue.
00:11:43
Speaker 1: That's true.
00:11:43
Speaker 2: Life was just good.
00:11:45
Speaker 1: Harley was here three days in a row this week. On Friday, we all here were taking pictures and sh and then Jennifer was like, Harley's coming back to have barbecue. Like the next morning, I was Harley Quinceman. She was here already for her one day a week quota.
00:12:04
Speaker 2: So you know how not often children see their parents.
00:12:08
Speaker 1: I know, believe, I know, I know, we're blessed. So she came over second day, but by that point I also knew she was going to be over a third day in a row. That's crazy because Austin Spoilers was here. I guess it was the day that Jada and David first got here, So it was that Thursday or Wednesday, I.
00:12:30
Speaker 2: Think Wednesday, Wednesday. Wednesday.
00:12:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, we had to sit on this for a while. So Wednesday they came over. So that's so funny, Like they got here like in the afternoon, then they went out to eat and blah blah blah. But by the time they came back here that Harley was recording, Austin came with them and we showed them around the house and shit, because Jada and David were staying here in Harley's old room, so after excuse me. Everything is like in place and they're you know, settling in and Austin's about to go, goes, can I talk to you guys for a second before I get out of here? And Schwambach, you know, is in hostess mode dialed up to eleven, so she like was focused more on Jada and David, but the moment he was like, can I talk to you too? I was like, oh, it is one of two things. So we get into a room and Jennifer's still like talking to Jada and David as they're going down the hallway and then she's closing the the bedroom door. So before Jennifer fully gets in the room, I'm just there with Austin and I go what did she do? And he goes nothing. She's fantastic instantly right then and there I knew what it was.
00:13:49
Speaker 2: What was mom's reaction?
00:13:52
Speaker 1: Fucking clueless? Like seriously, So she closes the door and he's like, She's like what and I was like, you need to sit down and uhr, and Austin was like, I said, Austin has something very important he wants to asked. She's like what she fucking man? And so he was too I just want to say that I'm really in love with you know. She was like, oh, like really yeah, But I was like wait, like that, I was so self satisfied. I was like, I'm like a detective, I'm like Batman. But yes. Then she was caught on and she was like and so you know, she was like what, Oh my god what. I was like, you don't know, and she was like no. It was like he said that he had something you wanted to talk to. Yeah, I know.
00:14:44
Speaker 2: You said that. Four days was a long time to sit on it, like to tell no one I want to know a secret?
00:14:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, did you know?
00:14:59
Speaker 2: No? No, fucking Nap and Pa have known for like two months for a while, but they were like, you can't tell them.
00:15:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't bump into that.
00:15:13
Speaker 2: Because they're gonna they're not gonna be able to sit on it.
00:15:16
Speaker 1: I don't bump in it out now.
00:15:19
Speaker 2: For two months.
00:15:20
Speaker 1: I believe that, contrary to I would be able to keep it very quiet because that's like not you know, some people are like, well, gun's go big man, that's what about my movies and ship like that, like not when it comes to anything important, And I would never like let that moment be stolen from you because of some fucking thing I did and stuff. So I don't bump into that, but like I get it, like honestly, between the two of us, she's the one that would have broke first because in that four day span, I think she did tell people. I think I told nobody because that was like I don't know, maybe, but she even talked about like once, like I didn't even talk about it with Nan and Pop or nothing like that, because once he told us. He told us like Nanapop no and blah blah blah, but he told us, you know, the plan and Harley will get into that, so he, you know, did the traditional thing and ask ask us, let me tell you something like I told him right then and there I was like, you did, don't even have to ask? Oh my god, like that's very sweet of you. But yeah, a thousand times over, man, we adore often. So that was very That part was way easy. What was difficult was like, you know, not for me, because as long as I didn't tell Momily, everything was gonna be good.
00:16:37
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Mom would have called me and.
00:16:40
Speaker 1: Oh I heard the news. You Momily's a fucking sick. I'll tell you right now, So she would have told everybody and then you know, because she'll tell you herself. She's seventy nine, so she repeats questions. She would have told everybody three times, and it probably would have traveled back to you, and then you would have found outing. So I was like, I'm not telling my mom, and you know her and I knew, so naturally we could.
00:17:03
Speaker 2: Sit around and be like, remember what he said when we called her?
00:17:09
Speaker 1: What she said? She was like, I saw her first thing was like I saw Austin in two Tide commercials.
00:17:15
Speaker 2: I was like, yes, and she was awesome, Like I hope that you guys have a love like me and princessa.
00:17:24
Speaker 1: She was talking about her dead cat. I was like, all right, mon, up with the dead cat. She's it's a live engagement. Yeah, not even like I love like me and your grandfather had pulled Princess into.
00:17:38
Speaker 2: It, and she and you were.
00:17:40
Speaker 1: Like, okay, that's an like a good cat. You'll get twenty plus years out of him.
00:17:45
Speaker 2: Oh my god, let.
00:17:46
Speaker 1: Him be your pussy like mom, enough of dead cat. Let's talk about what's going on in the moment.
00:17:52
Speaker 2: She was like, oh, yes, very nice, and then she was like I saw Austin, but.
00:17:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, She's like, I saw too tight commersion. I was like, that's why he's proposing now, ma, because he always told himself if I could get two tied commercials. But the moment I get.
00:18:10
Speaker 2: To to I think I think.
00:18:13
Speaker 1: It's one or maybe she saw him into commercials. One of them was.
00:18:20
Speaker 2: It was the first thing she said, when.
00:18:23
Speaker 1: I'll be honest with you. I was deeply impressed that she remembered, and she remembered it was a Tide commercial.
00:18:29
Speaker 2: Was the first thing she said. When you put the camera on Austin, yeah got gage.
00:18:38
Speaker 1: Instead of being proposed to her granddaughter, instead of being like, oh my god, she was like, Austin, I saw you in the tied two tied commercials. He was like thanks, oh my god. So we told you know nobody and she wouldn't talk to Nana Pop about it because.
00:19:00
Speaker 2: She was like because they knew.
00:19:03
Speaker 1: Yeah. She was like, how could they not. I'm like, I could not.
00:19:09
Speaker 2: I can say it here because she no, she will never hear it.
00:19:13
Speaker 1: But she can't know although this might be the show she listened to. She's like, oh my god. They talk about the engagement.
00:19:21
Speaker 2: And then I'm like, what the.
00:19:24
Speaker 1: Son of.
00:19:26
Speaker 2: How many other times down the.
00:19:28
Speaker 1: Rabbit hole beardless sick. Now, my impression is that she is enough of us in real life.
00:19:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's my that's my impression too.
00:19:38
Speaker 1: I think so if it was called beardless stickless ma episode. All right, So we knew and we had, like as you saw on Instagram, some cakes standing by, because the idea was when he told us, He's like, you know, maybe everyone can be here Sunday, like Nana Pop can come over after the thing happens. And we were like, oh my god. Yes, so we were able to like have the moment like prepared for and shit like that. So that's our end. Now let me hand you over.
00:20:17
Speaker 2: Oh was it mine too?
00:20:18
Speaker 1: Oh? Yes? To young love itself, the embodiments of young love, of romance, of that magical special moment of it of a Disney dare I say, Hallmark Channel worthy engagement scenario. I was deeply impressed with the kid, like he had a plan, He.
00:20:43
Speaker 2: Had a plan and he knows you. It blew me the fuck away. I can't believe he planned. I cannot believe he planned it.
00:20:51
Speaker 1: So what happened?
00:20:53
Speaker 2: All right? So Jada and David are in town and Jada says that Austin's other sister, Holly and her husband Will had gone to the Farm Sanctuary Farm Sanctuary while they were out here, and that Jada was jealous and wanted to go. Now I'm airing out there, but.
00:21:17
Speaker 1: It might have been part of it wasn't.
00:21:18
Speaker 2: Yes, it was all part of a plant. But it sounds I was like, yeah, that checks out. But and so Jada said that their mom Lisa, scheduled a VIP tour at the Farm Sanctuary.
00:21:34
Speaker 1: So so far, so far, nothing smells fish any of it. Yeah, same old, same old. You're you're what do you call Jada.
00:21:44
Speaker 2: And David my my sister lawdy.
00:21:50
Speaker 1: But prior to that anything, just like Austin's Yeah, yeah, so you ain't. Nothing's reading fishy. Austin's sisters in town for a thing that you had pre arranged. Yeah, and you know, oh while we're there, we're gonna go to Farm Sanctuary. Yeah, and you're bumping tone of this smelling nothing. Now, let me ask you this. Yeah, if Austin was like, oh, we're going to Disneyland.
00:22:21
Speaker 2: I probably well I would be like, why do you want to go to Disneyland?
00:22:24
Speaker 1: Right?
00:22:25
Speaker 2: But the farm sanctuary all made sense.
00:22:28
Speaker 1: Right, without ringing, without tripping any alarm.
00:22:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, I wasn't seeing it. And they're photographers, as we said, and so they were like, we want to take pictures of you at the farm sanctuary. And I was like, oh my god, perfect.
00:22:45
Speaker 1: Like such a good cover. He told us about this, and I was like, that's good.
00:22:49
Speaker 2: It's such a good it was such a good cover. I was like, yes, absolutely, So.
00:22:53
Speaker 1: You're suspecting nothing. You're like, I'm gonna have more pictures taken of me by these pictures taking fools, yes, with a cow in the background this.
00:23:02
Speaker 2: Time, absolutely nothing will seemen Semon sauce.
00:23:05
Speaker 1: I'm realizing now I could have We could have been there for it as well.
00:23:09
Speaker 2: You could have been there if.
00:23:10
Speaker 1: I had been like, oh we should take some shots for beardless, stick with the cow, and then we both and.
00:23:18
Speaker 2: Your mind and then you're in all my engagement, yes.
00:23:22
Speaker 1: Right beyond you guys and the cow. And I'm like you dot com.
00:23:32
Speaker 2: Got shopified. Also, by the way, buy my shirts new shirts. Everybody, listen, how do you think.
00:23:42
Speaker 1: You can pay for that wedding? Come on shirts?
00:23:45
Speaker 2: I got requests for these restock of shirts. I restocked them. How about you buy them?
00:23:50
Speaker 1: I think we'll added it to beard listick nice.
00:23:54
Speaker 2: You can easily find them.
00:23:56
Speaker 1: Please please, well please, has my bar? Has my hair come out yet?
00:24:02
Speaker 2: Only one hair?
00:24:04
Speaker 1: I used Harley's product? What is it? The dart r and coat, dart pom pomade Palmad's palmade stick Man to like tamp to him my fucking hair. I was thinking this black cap was keeping it all down, but no, it's not. It's coming out like a rube.
00:24:22
Speaker 2: Anyway, back to you, unsuspected up.
00:24:26
Speaker 1: Surrounded by family and your loved.
00:24:28
Speaker 2: One, and even I was just so goddamn.
00:24:32
Speaker 1: I just realized we could have been there and still not like queered the deal as they used to say in the fucking twenties. I don't say no more because you know obviously, but you had well they used to say in the twenties. Man, of course, so we could have been there, but we also well I can't speak fair. I also felt like this is special. Yeah, and we you know, we were gonna fucking be involved the moment you guys got back here and stuff like that. So but yeah, in retrospect, I.
00:25:06
Speaker 2: Remember the day before I was like, you guys should come to Farm Sanctuary.
00:25:10
Speaker 1: I said it, remember you got because I already knew, but I was like, what are you guys doing tomorrow?
00:25:15
Speaker 2: I was like, farm Sanctuary, Oh yeah, and then you made that fucking comment and then we got and then you annoyed me. Ye oh my god. Yes. I didn't even want to say what it was.
00:25:28
Speaker 1: It was annoying, but I was playing because I knew it was yours. And when I said it like your, Mom was like no.
00:25:36
Speaker 2: For like, now, looking back, there were signs.
00:25:41
Speaker 1: What were the signs.
00:25:42
Speaker 2: One of the signs was I had a self tape that I had to do an audition, okay, and Nana was freaking out. I had this is on Saturday, and Sunday is the day that we went to Farm Sanctuary. But in my mind I could just come back from Farm Sanctuary and do this tape.
00:26:02
Speaker 1: That Sunday was going to be an average normal Sunday.
00:26:05
Speaker 2: Your average Sunday.
00:26:06
Speaker 1: So you'd be self tape and it all be good. But Nana, for some reason, who's not even a momager or a nanager if you.
00:26:12
Speaker 2: Will, no, but she had very specific specific feelings about me doing it Saturday night. And Mom was like, I don't know. Nana's got a calm down, and I was like, Nana, it's fine, I have two days to do it, and she was like.
00:26:25
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, Nana almost blew it. Nana at the zero hour, Nana almost blew it.
00:26:31
Speaker 2: And then there was a crazy sign that I just completely went over my head. Austin put out a dress, like, hung a dress one of my dresses. Oh, because they wanted me to wear a dress, because they thought that I would want to be wearing a dress for the photos.
00:26:51
Speaker 1: Him his sister. Yes. So he was plotting around you, going like what she wears to farm Sanctuary is what she'll be wearing in these photos for the rest of our lives. And I know, going in what's gonna happen she does it? If I don't somehow alert her and she's dressed like, dare I say a rube crige ratchet or something, then she'd forever kind of be like, why didn't you tell me? We were sitting in there, So he was like, I should put out something good.
00:27:26
Speaker 2: He hung up a dress, and then.
00:27:28
Speaker 1: Which does he dress you often? No?
00:27:31
Speaker 2: He just hung but I didn't even it did not even register. I thought it was just a piece of laundry that he weirdly hung up on the fucking cap.
00:27:43
Speaker 1: He was like, he could have grabbed anything. He just grabbed his dress.
00:27:46
Speaker 2: Well he not like it was in the laundry. It was in the laundry, and I thought he was just putting away the laundry, but not putting it away and putting it in a really weird spot for some reason. And then the day of Jada takes the dress and is like, this is really pretty. You should wear this today and I'm like why, why Why would I wear dress? It's like dusty and like sweaty and I should just wear jeans. Fucking I was being fucking play.
00:28:18
Speaker 1: I was like, you wear dress reality.
00:28:23
Speaker 2: And then the day before Jada was like, what are you gonna wear tomorrow to the farm Sanctuary And I was like, I don't I'll tell you that much. Jeans, I don't know. And she was like, well, like you should wear something cute for the photos and I was like, yeah, okay.
00:28:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll tell you what to wear.
00:28:44
Speaker 2: Something cute. Wear I always wear something cute. And then the whole conversation of the dress before we went and I was like, no, I I so.
00:28:57
Speaker 1: Who what was the conversation of the dress before you?
00:29:00
Speaker 2: Is Jada being like, this is really pretty. You should wear this, and you were like, and I was like, no, I'm gonna wear these jeans.
00:29:05
Speaker 1: Did Austin make another dress attempt or No?
00:29:08
Speaker 2: He did not.
00:29:09
Speaker 1: However, comes out of a closet wear and he's like, you'd look like this. You're like, what the fuck?
00:29:13
Speaker 2: You could look like this? He we have a Farm Sanctuary hat and I was looking for the Farm.
00:29:21
Speaker 1: Sanctuary photographers, so he could have worn the dress and they could have swipped your head, switched your heads in posts like use some of that photoshop and ship. Then you could have been wearing a dress. I mean, there's ways to accomplish this. I'm just saying, next time, Austin should ask me.
00:29:36
Speaker 2: Next time, use your brain, use your brains.
00:29:40
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, So wait, you're not you're not nibbling on the wear a dress hook.
00:29:48
Speaker 2: I'm really not. It's it's not working for me.
00:29:52
Speaker 1: And how often do you ever wear a dress?
00:29:54
Speaker 2: I'm wearing a dress right now, all right. I wear dresses a lot.
00:29:59
Speaker 1: I'm always seeing and pants jeans because I'm coming over here right.
00:30:04
Speaker 2: No, no dressing.
00:30:05
Speaker 1: Up, sorry, I am nice to check it on it picked out special.
00:30:12
Speaker 2: Well, you look very nice. So we have a Farm Sanctuary hat.
00:30:17
Speaker 1: And for those who are not here on the regular and for those who've never heard of this joint, what is farm Sanctuary? Oh?
00:30:27
Speaker 2: I thought you're like, what is beardless? Finish my story? Like I told you it was a comedy podcast.
00:30:38
Speaker 1: Sometimes there are people who you know we're rushing to. Yes, of course a place and not everyone knows this.
00:30:43
Speaker 2: Farm Sanctuary is an amazing organization and rescue sanctuary for work started by Jene Bauer for farmed animals who have been rescued from the animal agriculture industries and very horrific situations and they're given this beautiful chance to live out their lives safely in sanctuary.
00:31:08
Speaker 1: These I've been there. I can vouch you this place. Big ass cows, how they would grow if people weren't like, let's eat it.
00:31:19
Speaker 2: People are shocked at the size of the cows, the pigs, because that's they're able to. Did you know this is going to get sad for a sec But I know I'm going to say it. I'm going to say it. You say stuff I don't want to hear all the time. All right, what do you want?
00:31:33
Speaker 1: This is the wedding, I.
00:31:35
Speaker 2: Know, but it's I'm going to use it. I'm going to use it to spread awareness. Did you know that I'm going, I'm going it's going to be such a bummer. Also, did you know that pigs are usually only six months? Six months?
00:31:51
Speaker 1: All right? Man, come on, fucking we're having a good ass time, don't pigs? Moving on?
00:31:56
Speaker 2: Yes, pigs, I had to I had to say, true.
00:32:00
Speaker 1: But here my point is, these animals get massive, Yes.
00:32:04
Speaker 2: They get when they're allowed to live, they they get massive.
00:32:08
Speaker 1: But I'm like, I'm not exaggerating.
00:32:12
Speaker 2: They're just yes, like this one cow.
00:32:15
Speaker 1: I was like, this must be a mutant cow and they're like, no, this is just they would get like this.
00:32:20
Speaker 2: Shocking site. Shocking site.
00:32:22
Speaker 1: Fucking nuts in any event, lovely place. If you go online, you can find me and her there hanging out with some turkeys around Thanksgiving many moons ago. Yeah, so one of your favorite places in the world, One of my favorite places in the world, one of my favorite organizations started by one of my favorite people.
00:32:39
Speaker 2: It's they do such important, beautiful work.
00:32:41
Speaker 1: And where is it located?
00:32:42
Speaker 2: In Acting, California and then there is another one in upstate New York.
00:32:47
Speaker 1: John Stewart involved with any of this or no, he's a cow friend guy.
00:32:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, he works with the New York one, but I can't super remember remembering about.
00:32:58
Speaker 1: He has also referenced arm Sanctuary very famously. He had adopted or saved that cow that ran away. You know, he's a big he's like, I mean, look, we all have animals, but quite like you, he likes that place quite a bit.
00:33:14
Speaker 2: If it's a very special place.
00:33:16
Speaker 1: And if you want to help, you can reach them at Farm Sanctuary dot org. I'm sure, yeah, and donate and stuff. But I'm telling you, if you could ever see this place, if you're on the East Coast, or if you're in New York, or if you're in California, you get a chance to go fucking nuts. I'm sure there are some people who work farms out there, like I've seen big cows and shit, I don't think you've ever seen a cow as big as this cow. Man, Like if they would run the planet does.
00:33:43
Speaker 2: And still we do these things to animals.
00:33:46
Speaker 1: We don't. Yeah, I don't fucking louve me in with this. I hadn't done ship in like fucking seven years plus.
00:33:53
Speaker 2: That's true. I'm very proud of you, thank.
00:33:55
Speaker 1: You so much so that I ordered yesterday, I was with Mamily and I ordered her some I hop and they had impossible sausage on the menu, so I ordered that for myself. But they also had sausage patties on the menu, and I was like, well, I don't know, impossible. It was really fucking good at like convincing you. So I didn't know if I got real or not. So I took a bite and I'm chewing. I was like, this is fucking too good to beat fake. And then I looked on the website before I smiled to make to see if maybe they did links for one and then pass for the but they did patties for both, so I was like, god, damn it. So I didn't swillow and ship. I took it home and my brother came over at one point and I was like, do you eat sausage? He goes never. I was like, fuck, he goes why. I was like, because I don't know if this is real or if this is impossible the sausage, and he goes, let me look at it, and he goes, that is way too white to be real sausage. And I was like, fair enough, but it was too late to eat. Such a great story. That's our show this week.
00:34:58
Speaker 2: Thank you so much everyone.
00:35:01
Speaker 1: She couldn't buy letter, tell her twe.
00:35:04
Speaker 2: Can I finish the hat?
00:35:06
Speaker 1: Yes?
00:35:06
Speaker 2: All right, so we have a form sanctuary hat and I was looking for it and.
00:35:13
Speaker 1: Just to be on brand while you're going to the point.
00:35:15
Speaker 2: Also, because I have a skin condition called malasma and I was trying to cover it from the son.
00:35:21
Speaker 1: That got real real quick.
00:35:22
Speaker 2: What the hell, man, Yeah, it's it's caused by my hormone disorder. And I have something called malasma hormone disorder.
00:35:31
Speaker 1: Your hormones are out of order. Yeah, well, perhaps you shouldn't be saying yes or no to marriage proposals in the state. If your hormones are all up in arms and ship, maybe you let them calm down and then let them ask again.
00:35:44
Speaker 2: And see, I'm gonna throw something at you. I'm gonna throw this heavy ass Mike span at you. Okay, yeah, crap, walk out of here, you go, fucking crab, walk out of here.
00:36:01
Speaker 1: Crab backing in to jump up there to you.
00:36:07
Speaker 2: We're giving our vowels and what about me. You know what I'm talking about. And then you come back and you bring a.
00:36:21
Speaker 1: Day because like weddings are boring, everybody's seen those, but having us crab walking in and out in the background, people remember that, talking about it for years, even you hang him forever, that'd be the only fight you guys are at why did you let your dad do that? And you're like, why didn't you stop him?
00:36:39
Speaker 2: I swear I didn't let.
00:36:40
Speaker 1: Him for you puff.
00:36:43
Speaker 4: I wanted you to stand up like a man instead, my old man and his fucking dope befriend crab walking the on is on our greatest day.
00:36:52
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
00:36:56
Speaker 1: So you're wearing your hat, your brand.
00:36:59
Speaker 2: I couldn't because Austin hid it because he didn't want me to wear a hat because he knew I would not want to be wearing a hat in these photos.
00:37:07
Speaker 1: Once again, this is a man you want to marry, somebody who knows you that well, where he's stealing your clothing literally, But can can we just look at this too as an example of how one lie connects to another lie connects to another lie like.
00:37:22
Speaker 2: One should I be suspicious.
00:37:24
Speaker 1: Very much, so be suspicious of every actor. And he is one. No, but look how it's like, even in something like that, he has to like, you know, and this is a sweet lie about like I want a surprise her, but in order to surprise you and keep it going, he has to like go to the subjectfusion of hiding your clothing.
00:37:43
Speaker 2: He really went above and beyond to keep this going.
00:37:46
Speaker 1: And it was crazy romance or sociopathy.
00:37:51
Speaker 2: You decide, teach the room. He he did hide the hat and it worked. But then she could wear that hat because.
00:38:02
Speaker 1: That was nowhere to be found. Did you replace it with a different hat?
00:38:05
Speaker 2: Well, then when I got to the farm Sanctuary, I was like, I'm going to go buy a hat because God. And then I bought a Trunker hat and I am wearing a Trucker hat in the first photos when the proposal is happening.
00:38:25
Speaker 1: Was it by any chance backwards?
00:38:29
Speaker 2: It was most urgainly not. It was sweet.
00:38:33
Speaker 1: A T shirt sold it. Silent bott gets engaged. Oh my god, it'll be on zel the secret stash next to our Halloween T shirt. Silent Baba Duke.
00:39:01
Speaker 2: Oh my god, wait does that exists? It's kinda though. Silent is crazy, Oh my god, so wild.
00:39:19
Speaker 1: Anyway, you bought a new and you ride out together with Jada and David.
00:39:29
Speaker 2: Yes, all four of you, Yes, the four of us, and the whole time we're talking about like and.
00:39:35
Speaker 1: Jada and David were staying here at the house before they went to meet you at your house. Was liquor nuke there? Nick was Was he engaged in any of this or hiding in the back room melancholy?
00:39:50
Speaker 2: It with the infinite said perhaps the ladder.
00:39:55
Speaker 1: So then it's safe to say before Jada and David got there that you had some of you had your last one on one not of financed conversation with Austin and didn't even know it.
00:40:12
Speaker 2: That's so true.
00:40:13
Speaker 1: That was the end. That was the last time that you have a conversation without wearing a ring on your finger and knowing what the future looks like.
00:40:22
Speaker 2: That's pretty wild and that nuts.
00:40:24
Speaker 1: There's always a final time. Oh, but that's not a bad thing because it leads to the next chapter, which is now every conversation you've had since that moment is a conversation you have full in the full knowledge your Yeah, teas, So you get to the place you're wearing a hat.
00:40:45
Speaker 2: Wearing a hat.
00:40:47
Speaker 1: They he told us the plan what was his secret plan once you were there?
00:40:53
Speaker 2: The secret plan was, well, first we watched a welcome video that you and I happened to be in.
00:40:58
Speaker 1: Oh I feature in this. I love what I'm.
00:41:01
Speaker 2: Involved in the steward and I was like, oh my god.
00:41:03
Speaker 1: What Speaking of which sidebar, we'll jump back to your little wedding thing. But you know I'm writing that Archie meats Jane's. So I just got the pages that have you, Millie, your character really and you know, it's like the Archie house style. They all kind of look like an Archie character, but they gave you your little fucking and it looks like you really. And I also did like, there's a flashback to Emma from Clerks too, so Mom is drawn in the style as well. But he did a really good job like capturing you. It's kind of sweet. Anyways, back to whatever is going on in your life, all right?
00:41:47
Speaker 2: So they ask us what we want to who we want to go see first, and Austin knows that cows are my most favorite of all of the animals, of all the animals, and so he's like, let's just do pigs and then cows and sounds.
00:42:07
Speaker 1: Like a teenage farm boy bes friends after some corn squeezes. Oh god, let's just do pigs cows. Oh my god. And in the twenties I should say, oh my god, sure, nothing like that happens nowadays.
00:42:22
Speaker 2: All Right, I'm gonna start ignoring you. So in my mind, David was really excited to see these pigs, and so it was all about the pigs. And I was like, very focused on hopefully this. I was like, hopefully this visit changes some perspectives, you know what I'm.
00:42:42
Speaker 1: Saying, because he's a not a vegan.
00:42:44
Speaker 2: Yes, Jaden and David are not.
00:42:47
Speaker 1: Vegan, so they will engage with bacon. They do bacon, they are bacon.
00:42:54
Speaker 2: And I was hoping that this trip would change a few things for them. So that's what I was focused on. And I was like, the our guide was giving us facts, facts, was dropping straight facts, and I was just yeah, the guy I knew too.
00:43:15
Speaker 1: Everybody knew except you.
00:43:17
Speaker 2: Everybody knew everybody. Yes, That's how I fucking felt. I was like, wait, you also knew this cow, did you know?
00:43:28
Speaker 1: Dixon was like I'm in on it.
00:43:29
Speaker 2: Dixon was like, bitch, why do you think I'm sitting here?
00:43:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't call me Dixon. Otherwise they could call me Dix off bitch. I have Dixie.
00:43:38
Speaker 2: He got cute. Oh my god. But we saw the pigs waved to the goats, and then we I don't know, we couldn't go see the goats for some reason.
00:43:53
Speaker 1: You were forbidden.
00:43:54
Speaker 2: Yeah. The goats were like on their own.
00:43:56
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, they were like Sunday.
00:43:58
Speaker 2: Yeah. I guess black samonas.
00:44:04
Speaker 1: They can't be bothered. It's like William, the coats are like, You're like, I mean I want to, but like, I think those goats are practicing Satan him over there.
00:44:20
Speaker 2: I feel like we kind of got to give our attention over there.
00:44:23
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, I'm all for fucking marriage, but that might be a Baham type situation of it. I gotta go.
00:44:30
Speaker 2: We went to the cows and I got it.
00:44:36
Speaker 1: There was and then he's like, oh, fucking defeated by Satan. From now on, I vow my life to Sweet Christ and the power of the angels, and it becomes a Catholic super and you're just a part of the origin story.
00:44:56
Speaker 2: So there was one cow sitting by himself, and then all the cows were yes, that's stickson, and all the other cows were on the other side. They were eating. They were chilling, like, we.
00:45:08
Speaker 1: Don't dig romance. We heard what's going down. We don't want to part.
00:45:12
Speaker 2: Dixon was just sitting there and we went over and I was I got on the ground and I was petting him and giving him cases and hugging him. And then Austin was like, can you stand up? And I was like, sure, I guess, but I'm kind of hugging cow. And I stood up and then he got down on one knee and he proposed to me.
00:45:38
Speaker 1: What did he say?
00:45:40
Speaker 2: He said, he was really sweet. He said something like ever since because backstory, when Austin tried to tell me that he loved me, we were at a Cure concert and seriously, yeah, nineteen and he really wanted to tell me he loved me during the concert, but he broke down and had like fucking cried on the floor.
00:46:19
Speaker 1: At the Cure concert, even though the man on stage is like, boys down cry literally there's a fucking wrong.
00:46:28
Speaker 4: Literally, it was it was funny day.
00:46:36
Speaker 2: He's literally crying on the floor. And so when he proposed, he was like ever since the day that we saw the Cure, And I tried to tell you that I loved you. I was so overcome with emotion because I knew that you were going to be my person. And he asked me to marry him.
00:47:00
Speaker 1: Really yeah, and wow. He was like, so will you beat my wife?
00:47:06
Speaker 2: You being my wife?
00:47:08
Speaker 1: Or I would like to hit your hand? How did he phrase it?
00:47:11
Speaker 2: Honestly, I can't remember that part, because you were.
00:47:13
Speaker 1: Like, and I've seen the video, and I've seen the picture Jada and David, since they were framed up to take a ostensibly to take a photo of them with the cow. They had cameras on.
00:47:24
Speaker 2: The actual I was just taking a picture with the cow.
00:47:27
Speaker 1: Jada had the like the camera, the still camera, and David was running video. So I saw the video and yeah, at a certain point, you're just like and he was, he said, I.
00:47:42
Speaker 2: Could not believe. I blacked out. I was so I never saw that coming in a million years. I was so fucking shocked. I was just petting a cow and I never, I never, in my wildest dream, was expected to be getting engaged.
00:47:58
Speaker 1: So utterly romantic.
00:48:00
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you very much.
00:48:02
Speaker 1: I don't want to milk it. But he's a good boy.
00:48:06
Speaker 2: That is the house out there. The whole time. Yeah, him never got up.
00:48:10
Speaker 1: I was just like, look, man, fucking I was just I was just chilling out a lazy Sunday, and fucking engagement broke out all over man. Shit. He was just trying to hang yeah, and I was like, oh, these two were getting married. Good for them.
00:48:22
Speaker 2: I'm just going to sit here.
00:48:23
Speaker 1: He's like, you know what, I found it kind of moving? Oh, very nice, pretty emmotion.
00:48:32
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you're up to four.
00:48:38
Speaker 1: All right, So you're twenty five on the cusp of twenty six and a was he twenty nine? He's not thirty, is he?
00:48:50
Speaker 2: He's going to be thirty in August.
00:48:52
Speaker 1: In August, it's twenty nine. So a twenty nine year old young man proposes to you after five and a half years of a relationship. You've been living with them for many years, at least five of those five and a half, if not the entire five and a half. Yeah, you have a home together, share cats, a rabbit.
00:49:14
Speaker 2: We have four cats and a rabbit.
00:49:17
Speaker 1: Does it feel different?
00:49:19
Speaker 2: It feels so different. I can't stop every single time I see my ring, I'm just like, I'm engaged. I can't every single time. I just can't believe it. I'm a fiance.
00:49:33
Speaker 1: I mean, I'd taken the shinaway. I love it, But like, didn't you knew this was always?
00:49:38
Speaker 2: I just had no idea was it was going to come now. If you asked me how I thought my march was going to go at the beginning of the month, it wasn't like this.
00:49:50
Speaker 1: True.
00:49:51
Speaker 2: I really had no fucking idea.
00:49:54
Speaker 1: It's weird that we knew something you did, even for four days. Apparently Nanapup knew much longer, but even for four days, it was I felt a little dishonest, like not telling you, although I was never in a billion years would I spoil them.
00:50:11
Speaker 2: I'm glad you felt that way though, that way, there are no secrets between us.
00:50:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, the same way that like when I if I have a dream about eating like meat, that I wake up and I'm like, I feel like I cheated on her or something like that. I did feel like it's weird knowing something like about your future that deeply profoundly affect your future ahead of you and not share it with you. But what a like horrible fucking betrayal that would have been to share it with you? Oh that'd be crazy in that surprise, How often does anyone get surprised in this life?
00:50:52
Speaker 2: I told Austin that the most, the thing I wanted the most when I got proposed to was I just wanted to be so surprised. I did not want to see it come in.
00:51:03
Speaker 1: That's why I think if he'd been like, let's go to Disney, you might have smelt it in the air.
00:51:08
Speaker 2: And also, a farm sanctuary was just the most perfect place. It means so much to me, being around, being around cows, being around all the sweet babies, and I just couldn't think of a better place. I wouldn't want it to be Disney.
00:51:29
Speaker 1: What what do you think other than you know, you look at your ring and you're like, wow, what is was different? What makes it different?
00:51:40
Speaker 2: Suddenly there's like this whole other part of life where we're going to have a wedding and get married and I have an engagement party in all these crazy but all these things that didn't exist like a few days ago suddenly exists.
00:52:01
Speaker 1: A factor in your life.
00:52:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like so fun to think about and be like, oh my god, they work working.
00:52:08
Speaker 1: Get married. Once the parties are done, and the yeah, you know, fucking back to living. But now as a couple bound in holy matrimony, and so it'll go from being your fiance be like this has been pev me? Is it? Uh? You know you're twenty five, you're gonna be twenty six, I knowing you know myself and knowing we're cut from the same cloth, Like I'm very deeply romanic. Is this everything you dreamed about since you started dreaming about this kind of shit?
00:52:52
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, this was I never when I was younger, I never like dreamed about a wedding or you never. Yeah, it was never like a big thing for me.
00:53:04
Speaker 1: You were more ammals ammals animals than like I, you know, imagine I get married and the prince.
00:53:09
Speaker 2: And aminals and but I love being surprised, so like that is one of my favorite things in life. Like I love surprises. It's like the if my love language could be surprises.
00:53:29
Speaker 1: That's the move.
00:53:30
Speaker 2: It just is Like so I don't know, it just means so much to me, And wait, why was I saying that? So just being surprised, being that surprised was what I was dreaming about, Like I wasn't necessarily dreaming about like a big wedding or what or whatever, Like I just I was like, Wow, maybe one day I'll be so surprised, and I was, and it was crazy.
00:54:03
Speaker 1: Well, fuck, now that now he set the bar. He has to keep surprising you, I know, because it is clearly this wouldn't be the first time he surprised you.
00:54:13
Speaker 2: But then oh and then we he was like, we're getting engaged and we are going to Malibu for two days.
00:54:21
Speaker 1: After that was like a celebration.
00:54:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I was just talking Malibu.
00:54:28
Speaker 1: Oh my god. They it's reopened. You can go the.
00:54:31
Speaker 2: Part that we went to. Yeah, we were just like by the hotel, so we didn't really see anything.
00:54:39
Speaker 1: I was the hotel. They were unaffected.
00:54:41
Speaker 2: They were unaffected. It's the hotel that Austin asked me to be his girlfriend at, the Surf Rider.
00:54:52
Speaker 1: Is there more than one hotel on the water down there?
00:54:55
Speaker 2: It's across the street from the water, the Surf Rider is.
00:54:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I was at one with your mom. That's like on the water.
00:55:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, this one's right across the street from it.
00:55:06
Speaker 1: It was across the street and it's still got spared from the fire.
00:55:09
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:55:09
Speaker 1: Incredible, Oh my god, was meant to be. So you go there for like what Monday and Tuesday just showing him we're fucking and show.
00:55:20
Speaker 2: Up just you and we were. It's a really small hotel and we were in the same room that he asked me to be his girlfriend and also.
00:55:29
Speaker 1: Get at it.
00:55:30
Speaker 2: Here's crazy.
00:55:32
Speaker 1: Did did he pick that on purpose? No?
00:55:34
Speaker 2: It was it just happened. It was crazy.
00:55:40
Speaker 1: The did you guys go to the beach and across the highway and go to the beach or.
00:55:43
Speaker 2: No, we saw the beach, so we did not go in the sound.
00:55:48
Speaker 1: Well if you went to the beach, if you're at a hotel on the beach, you didn't go on the beach. But did you do the whole time?
00:55:53
Speaker 2: Well? I had an audition.
00:55:55
Speaker 1: Why seriously, that what kids call sex these days? I audition. Then I had another audition, page five auditions while I was there. Oh my god, you had a what a page and a half monologue? Yes that you did during that whoa, Like there's a time to put it down and like, I fuck it? Like you know you only get engaged once and ship look at you still working on.
00:56:21
Speaker 2: I gotta grind man man, got a grind.
00:56:24
Speaker 1: Rise and grind man. So you did that? You did some fucking.
00:56:28
Speaker 2: We went to No Boo that was crazy. The vegan ship they did, and that was amazing.
00:56:36
Speaker 1: Did he eat the vegan ship? Or is he allowed to eat fish? And you don't go like, what the fuck? Right now, it's don't give a fuck what he does for the rest of his life. He made me happy, you put a ring on it.
00:56:46
Speaker 2: I don't love it obviously for now, for now, one day he'll be vegan.
00:56:55
Speaker 1: Can I tell you, yes, No, you're gonna have adding wedding traditional like fucking like somebody. I'm sure I'll be the priest. No, no, I told you. I already said to your mom. I was like, I ain't being the officiant. I said, I get to be the father's bride walking down the aisle and ship like that. But once I walking down the aisle and then you're there with him and stuff, and you guys are having this blessed moment when the officiant priest or otherwise says, if there is anyone who knows why these two should not be wed in holy matchmony, speak now or forever hold your peace.
00:57:42
Speaker 2: You're gonna crab walk in.
00:57:46
Speaker 1: I thought, what if I was just like, yes, this isn't this isn't so much an objection, But she owes me money. How do I How.
00:58:02
Speaker 2: Do I contact her?
00:58:03
Speaker 1: How do I collect before this happens? I mean this sounds expensive. Should I get my money first?
00:58:10
Speaker 2: Do you want to give it to me? Now?
00:58:12
Speaker 1: First money in? First money out? No? I mean, God, bless me.
00:58:17
Speaker 2: Only take a second.
00:58:18
Speaker 1: She owes me money. I don't know what else I know.
00:58:21
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, this is embarrassing, but we get just to talk about it in advance, so wait, I'll wait for it.
00:58:31
Speaker 1: People are like, oh, they're doing a sketch. I'm like, it's not sketch.
00:58:35
Speaker 2: I'm like, crab walk out of here, crab walk all the way on out. I want my money now.
00:58:44
Speaker 1: If you were watching the show that Kevin Smith called dot Com, you would see me crab walk in and the craw crad walk out. But if you're one of those people that just listens to it. Number one, I'm sorry about all the ads. Oh my god, there's so many ads.
00:58:58
Speaker 2: So sorry about that.
00:59:00
Speaker 1: That's just the iHeart way. I think it's iHeart ads.
00:59:05
Speaker 2: We love I heeart though.
00:59:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, why you're like, I need to be gamefully employed, about to get married. I got a wedding to pay for. You're paying for your own wedding. Yeah, yeah, I believe traditionally the bride's family is on the hook for that sort of thing.
00:59:22
Speaker 2: Is that?
00:59:23
Speaker 1: So, man, let me tell you something I don't mind. Here's why only got one. I gotta do this again.
00:59:31
Speaker 2: What if Bird gets married?
00:59:34
Speaker 1: Bird is cute? Bird is eso cute. Look of that sleeping angel she's like to get married.
00:59:46
Speaker 2: If you were watching the show, you could see a sleeping angel.
00:59:49
Speaker 1: You see her sitting there in the bed, dreaming of a boy as good as often what a good man.
00:59:56
Speaker 2: Him is is such good met.
00:59:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, I told him I was. You didn't have to ask for permission. It was very sweeties. But that's how much I gotta pay you to take her off her hands?
01:00:05
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, mister begging me to move back into the house.
01:00:09
Speaker 1: When she came home. So they got you know, it all happened at Farm Sanctuary. And then Austin and Jada and David did not tell Harley that we knew.
01:00:21
Speaker 2: Austin was like, so your family doesn't know yet, and I was like, oh my god.
01:00:25
Speaker 1: So even after then, the lies continued.
01:00:29
Speaker 2: They it continued, but it was another surprise. But he said that you guys didn't know, and I was like, on the outside, I was like okay, but on the inside I was like, oh my god, my mom's gonna freak the fuck out.
01:00:44
Speaker 1: Yes.
01:00:44
Speaker 2: I was like she's gonna be so bad.
01:00:46
Speaker 1: Not one I owed it of. You was like, oh my god, Dad for any way, shape or form, no, because you were like, fuck, he rolls with everything, man.
01:00:54
Speaker 2: Yeah.
01:00:55
Speaker 1: But her, you were like she didn't get her part.
01:00:59
Speaker 2: Yeah.
01:01:01
Speaker 1: But then so the whole ride home, like, what do you think she might have been like, oh, well, fucking no, no, no.
01:01:09
Speaker 2: Well I thought she'd be like so mad at Austin for not telling her, even.
01:01:14
Speaker 1: If it went down that way, I don't think it would have. But she, oh, she knew. She was like, we're gonna do that. Yeah, Yet what did we get? We should we get food? Did you go get this food? I was like, how about instead of fucking food, because you don't know when they're going to get there, let's just get a cake? The cakes and so she was like, sweet, AJ makes a cake. We get first. She was like, uh, you know, the only place to go is Aaron McKenna. I was like, I would rather eat a dead rat. Oh my god, I've nothing against Sartana. It's just not Papa Ganache back in Jersey. Oh my. So I was like, nowhere McKenna and she was like, well, what about Lady Jane. I was like, do they do vegan? And she said to me and she gets in touch with them, She's like, didn't you La and do a chocolate whe should we get? And I was like, well, answer that question is always why not both? And I said, on one cake you can put the gratulations Hardley in Austin. The other cake you can put gratulations Austin and Harley that one. And your mom fucking love that. She was like, oh, do keep them. It was like, yes, you have enough money for two cakes. Everyone is happy. We are a two cake family.
01:02:36
Speaker 2: It was so sweet.
01:02:38
Speaker 1: So the kid comes in and meanwhile I'm here, gen zer Nana Popper here as well, and I guess and the dogs.
01:02:48
Speaker 2: The dogs were there.
01:02:50
Speaker 1: That's it. That's it. So then they get back and we're upstairs waiting, and then Jada and David come in ahead of the kids, kind of get in position to take more pictures and ship We're hiding around a wall. Harley's coming all the way up to the top stairs. And what's going through your head? Oh my god, they don't know. Well.
01:03:11
Speaker 2: I was like, fuck, it's so quiet and here, and then I.
01:03:14
Speaker 1: Was like, oh, we should have had a fight as you guys are coming up the stairs. I should have been like, well you're a fucking bitch. How about that? And the worst fucking thing I ever did, We'll get it, like fucking that would have been amazing.
01:03:27
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I would have ran back down. I've been like, god, damn it, I don't live here anymore. I'll gotta deal with a bike.
01:03:33
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, that would have ruined the moment, but it would have been fucking funny. So we were hiding right around the wall and we heard them come all the way up. So when did you see the cakes? Start to register? See cakes? Jennifer got a bunch of roads. Yeah.
01:03:48
Speaker 2: I saw flowers and I saw cakes, and I.
01:03:50
Speaker 1: Was like, before you even saw the top of the cakes.
01:03:53
Speaker 2: You were like yeah. I was like, okay, the he d know we popped out and she goes.
01:04:05
Speaker 1: Yeah. It was it was like a crazy you know, it's a big fucking moment and one will only get to do once. It's not like, well, next time, when Harley's sister or brother gets engaged. Well, no to do this like, this is it, this is it and it couldn't have gone better. I couldn't ask for a better son in law. And I know you know, I've seen your relationship man like you too give a fuck about each other in a big, bad way. We really do, really do. It's a great partnership them so much. Hopefully you're seeing as ask every day for the rest of your goddamn life.
01:04:42
Speaker 2: That's crazy crazy, just crazy enough.
01:04:46
Speaker 1: To work, crazy, yes, but no crazier than that. What motherfucker did with that rocky check cell on even to walk away from this episode of Beardless stickles me with anything. It's that people aren't scrupulous.
01:05:05
Speaker 2: On eBay, may not be able.
01:05:08
Speaker 1: To be trusted, but love conquers all off of the bank.
01:05:13
Speaker 2: What a beautiful message.
01:05:15
Speaker 1: I only have one kid, and you always hope for the best, and naturally we have tried to provide best for as long as we possibly, you know could from the moment we heard about your existence every day of your life and stuff in terms of like trying to you know, fucking make things better, give you a better education than we ad fucking like, you know, just you're supposed to try to make your kids' lives fifty percent better than yours. That's the aim and shit. So in terms of you know, having been there from the jump with skin in the game and tested in your happiness, there's no part of this that doesn't elate me in terms of how it went down and how happy it clearly makes you, how happy he clearly makes you. I mean, but that part we've known for a long time. But the new information is like the guy was like, let's make this official, and you weren't like, well, I don't know. No, you're way into it. I know twenty five, you're gonna be twenty six in a couple of months. Yes, you're not getting married anytime soon.
01:06:35
Speaker 2: I don't think so. Probably like a year and a half, two years engagement.
01:06:40
Speaker 1: You don't want to have one of those super long engagements though. No, man, big, big life moves, So happy for you.
01:06:51
Speaker 2: Big moves.
01:06:52
Speaker 1: Are you happy?
01:06:53
Speaker 2: I'm so happy?
01:06:54
Speaker 1: Time of your life, kiddo. Boy, oh boy, man, you know I could do another hour on how Just the other day you're a little kid in a diaper, crawling across the floor an ocean port, stopping fucking and dancing when law and orders starting. And now you do that like in a music video where you're like you scared me, And now when you do that on stage, you'll do it with a ring on your finger.
01:07:33
Speaker 2: That's crazy, Nuts, that's so crazy.
01:07:38
Speaker 1: Your first live performance with Cinnamon you'll have a ring on your finger. Nuts. Man, that is such happy news. And I mean I don't know, I do know because I saw your Instagram people were very positive about it. Yeah, mine as well. There wasn't like a bunch of people going like so fucker.
01:08:02
Speaker 2: Everyone was like, oh, it was very nice. Yeah, it was very nice.
01:08:07
Speaker 1: You know, Happiness is a warm puppy, as Charles.
01:08:11
Speaker 2: Schultz said, or warm, a warm puppy.
01:08:16
Speaker 1: That's what. There's a Charlie Brown hugg and snoopy and happiness is a warm puppy.
01:08:22
Speaker 2: I think that was mois warm sometimes, No.
01:08:25
Speaker 1: Charlie, Charles Schultz never said happiness is a warm cat. Nobody ever said, because there's this thing as a warm cat, warm sometimes wet fire, warm and cat don't go together. Happiness is a cold and different cat.
01:08:41
Speaker 2: Yes, no, I loving little cat.
01:08:45
Speaker 1: You don't need any fucking warmth or affection from your cats. You get it from your from your your Beyonce. Yeah, your human puppy.
01:08:54
Speaker 2: He is a human puppy.
01:08:56
Speaker 1: He puffed the human puppy, A puff the human A finance the girl. Oh my god, he told her that he would make her the happiest in the world.
01:09:13
Speaker 2: That's really good.
01:09:15
Speaker 1: You're very easily impressed. Whenever I rhyme words, man, I really am I feel you make me feel like eminem, make me feel like this ship is eight mile and ship mom spaghetti just as good as I hope I make you feel as good about yourself as you make me feel from time to time where you get impressed that I'm not an idiot, Like, oh my god, that was a good lyric. Those Cinnamon songs, they could use a hook, all right, Come in, you know I can sink back up, or every once in a while, take my own track, you know, like Ringo had his own track.
01:09:55
Speaker 2: Thank you for listening to.
01:09:58
Speaker 1: Under the Sea in enough to poos his god you call it a novelty version, whatever the fuck, But like, let me rock one, let me sing.
01:10:05
Speaker 2: One song for Cinnamon, and thank you so much for coming to be list Let me write Oh You're a star.
01:10:14
Speaker 1: You scare me.
01:10:16
Speaker 2: Rookie here, get out of here.
01:10:24
Speaker 1: My little girl's all grown up and getting engaged kids, or in the words of Mushu, my little girls all grown up and saving China.
01:10:35
Speaker 2: Exactly.
01:10:37
Speaker 1: That's how I feel right now, as proud as Mousho Bulan took on the Army of what's his name? Oh yeah, because that's the name of the character in Jane so Bob Reboot. Oh really, yeah, it's the name. I took that name from Mulan from The Bad Guy Mulan, Oh my god, the soldier from the Mountain scar That was Jose Ferrer's son, Miguel Farrer, who acted at a number of things, but one of my favorite was he played Albert on Twin Peaks, the forensics expert who's like so fucking cold and indifferent. So like, you know, they're having a fight over the dead body of Laura Palmer and stuff, and they're like, she's they she's supposed to have me at a funeral and stuff, but he's like getting ready to cut into her head and ship, and he's just like, let me explain something to you. You can have a funeral any old time you dig a hole, you throw a body into it. What I need to do right now requires precision timing. So if you'll leave me alone, I will get to my work. Want to end then the fucking cop atasim and shy of that has nothing to do with your getting engaged another whatsoever. You just the soldier from the mountain. This is your Mulan moment, motherfucker.
01:12:03
Speaker 2: Thank you.
01:12:04
Speaker 1: This is you, fucking you know, launching the firework that fucking creates an avalanche that takes out the hun army.
01:12:13
Speaker 2: Dude, well, who are you in the story? The unsupportive dad?
01:12:17
Speaker 1: Oh, no, supportive d fucking nuts. Yeah, I'm the dad. I will look unsupportive dad. He just didn't want to get hurt and ship. You think he's a bad guy in the story, not fucking shan you and ship, Oh my god, he learns and grows by the end. The father is just like, that's the true greatest honor of my life is having you for a daughter. That's how I feel very happy for you.
01:12:45
Speaker 2: Thanks.
01:12:46
Speaker 1: I know I'm going to be losing a podcast partner, but I'll be gaining a married podcast partner, so you'll have perspective that you don't have right now.
01:12:55
Speaker 2: Fantastic bringing some ship to.
01:12:57
Speaker 1: The tables marketable skills. If we do one of the lifestyle podcast, I gotta pitch for your next episode. Where when we hit episode fifty two of this we end it and start a brand new show. Why not nobody? We can nobody fucking you know what I'm saying. Okay, like, now you're financed, you shouldn't be on something with the word dickless in it.
01:13:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so true.
01:13:21
Speaker 1: That's for the sayre a lady, she's a light day. She oi, she's a light day. She is just through lavender at my dad laugh ininder blue, dely dely laugh nder green. No, old fucking some old bullshit.
01:13:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're stalling right now.
01:13:46
Speaker 1: I don't want to end because when the show ends and then then you're a grown up married, then.
01:13:51
Speaker 2: The after show starts.
01:13:53
Speaker 1: That's true. We got an after show, kids. More of this is gonna go on. We're gonna review this show and talk more about fucking what to expect when you're expecting dot dot dot to get married within two years. The book I'm working on, see if I can get that title clear legally. Yes, so there it is. Kids.
01:14:15
Speaker 4: Oh my god, my little girl, my little girl has found up boy and.
01:14:23
Speaker 1: That boyson.
01:14:29
Speaker 2: Was that to the tune of the Christmas song. It sounded like you're like five.
01:14:36
Speaker 1: I just kept using that over and over. It's not bad. I wonder if anyone's ever done that, because that's everybody's favorite part of it is. It is a bit where he's like, oh, people will run in from other rooms for that five golden rings pilot five God. So you could literally do a whole song just of that part. It's a good part, you know what I'm saying, Yeah, part of my God, she's garde. Uh there it is. Man, there's your beardless dickless me. Special edition for this week, Harley Quinn Comma no longer an innocent little girl Dash a wife to be Comma the woman in John.
01:15:31
Speaker 2: The woman in charge is or else the woman in charge.
01:15:38
Speaker 1: Wow, how lovely is to have watched your entire lifespan up until this moment. As it continues forward and new ship keeps happening, it's crazy as a longtime fan fully approve of this new chapter.
01:15:55
Speaker 2: Thank you. It's going to go to a wedding that you are probably gonna pay for it.
01:16:04
Speaker 1: I need your job, your job fast. You can't get married for a little while. I'll tell you right now.
01:16:10
Speaker 2: I was gonna say the wedding can depend on whenever the person think it.
01:16:14
Speaker 1: Really, I mean, you gotta wait until I make something profitable and like that. Yeah, and that might not even be a Jane Sobob movie. I said, profitable.
01:16:23
Speaker 2: I can wait.
01:16:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll figure that out. What if I was just like throwing you the wedding of your dreams? Yay, but I had to sell Birdie to do it.
01:16:38
Speaker 2: He is just like.
01:16:40
Speaker 1: Allies are supposed to go away from their mothers. So I'm okay with this. This is good for all of us.
01:16:47
Speaker 2: Love this plan.
01:16:49
Speaker 1: Co signs are Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn got married. I wish I knew that song Peggy.
01:17:00
Speaker 2: So got married by cool.
01:17:08
Speaker 1: Is in Ye. Yeah, here comes the bride. Kids, Look out, close your eyes, put your goggles on. Here comes the bride.
01:17:20
Speaker 2: You'd you check books that.
01:17:27
Speaker 1: I pitched the kid away. She can make money on her wedding if we held it its modcastle and sold tickets. She said she'd think about it. There it is. Uh, there's a beardless stickless me. Ah, my friends are beardless stickless me.
01:17:43
Speaker 2: I'm Kevin Smith and Harley Quinsy.
01:17:47
Speaker 1: Go have yourselves a beardless, sickless day. This has been a s podcast production, some podcast podcast using our mouths on you since two thousand and seven. Hey kids, did you like what you just heard? Well, guess what. We've got tons more man thousands of hours of podcasts waiting for you at that kevinsmithclub dot com. Go sign up now,