Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
The stories from the places where people gather.
Dana Kadwell (01:30)
Right everybody, so excited to be here today. We are going to be doing another quick chat about our interview with Kelsey from two weeks ago. If you haven't heard, make sure you go check it out. Last week we had a quick chat talking about what if you fail? And...
It was a moment in the interview when, when she said the thing that I love and I literally, have it on my dry erase board. It's like, if I fail, I'll just start something new. ⁓ which I love so much. If you haven't heard that, make sure you go check it out, as well. So today we're going to be talking about something else that me and Kelsey really kind of dove into in the podcast. I wanted to talk a little bit deeper about, which is, ⁓
when we were talking about your gut instinct and she was saying how the times when she regrets and her biggest mistakes and failures had been from when she just didn't trust herself for gut instinct. And I asked her, I said, what caused you to go against that instinct? Like what, was the thing? And she said it pretty quickly, empathy. And I like love like digging into that and it really, and I jotted it down immediately,
when you are empathetic, does it go against your gut instinct? And we kind of talked about it a little bit, but I wanted to kind of dig a little deeper into it here.
So it really made me kind of think back to my, the moments where I regretted the most. And I don't want to say a failure because I don't, I don't really feel like there were always failures. There were just moments that I regret and things that I regret doing, saying, being all that stuff. And, and really going back to the question, the going back to, talked about a little bit like last week of like questioning my life choices. And in those moments when I questioned my life choices, I agree it's most of the time it's because I did not follow my gut. I made a decision.
⁓ where I let empathy rule the conversation. And there's lots of those in my life, like so many of them. And I said it then at the podcast that I can't tell how I feel about it because there's a part of me that like loves the fact that I'm empathetic and I think it makes me super human and approachable. And it's a thing that I'm actually very proud of the fact that like I can look at somebody and and and take the heat or take
you know, be the one that is, I don't know, I was actually saying this some of the other day when I talked a little bit about like, you know, my partnership and that dissolving. said, there was a moment when I felt like screaming as Taylor Swift lyric, like I would have died for your sins. Like I would have died on the sword for you. Like I would have, you know, out of just sheer amounts of love for you.
at the detriment to myself. And so there's so much of like, where I look at moments of...
⁓
in my, in the past, you know, especially in probably the past, like four or five years of my life, that I really regret, like, things that I've allowed to happen and things that I ⁓ didn't handle or, or even decisions that I made. And when I go back to it and, I can look in the, can look at that moment and I'm not going to rewrite history and tell you, my God, I knew, I don't think that's true at all. I think I had a guttural instinct of what was right and what was wrong and what I should do and what I shouldn't do. But I,
always filtered it through somebody else. Well, how would this make this person feel? Like, is this gonna be a good thing? Is this gonna hurt their feelings? Is this gonna be hard? Is this gonna, like, should I, like, should I, should I consider the fact that like, yeah, maybe I should say something, but like, also they're going through like a really hard time and like, and this happened and this happened and like, maybe I should just like, let it go, right? And that consistent feeling of, no, I should speak up for myself. I should stand up for the situation, but.
Instead, I'm just gonna let it go, let it go, let it go because of my empathy for somebody else. I honestly can't think of a situation where it has ended well, like truly. And I'm not saying that's the case for every single situation. There have been situations where I have wanted to like bite back and stand up for myself and be defensive, but gutterily I'm like, this is not the right move. This is not the time. Like I should not say this. This is not the right.
moment, I need to wait a week, I need to sleep it off. And I've trusted those instincts and those instincts have totally paid off. ⁓ And I think, you know, there was that and it was also wrapped into this idea of empathy, like because the thing that God really told me this wasn't the right move is because this person can't hear you right now because of all this stuff going on. But it's those moments where you're like, and I want to be kind of clear here that I think
some of these decisions that were made, I want to tell myself it was empathy. And I think there was a piece of it, but there's also a little bit of cowardliness to it. Like I just didn't want to deal with it either. Like I just didn't want to handle it. ⁓ I just wanted to make it easy. I just wanted the problem to go away. I just wanted to pretend like it didn't happen or I just wanted this to be the easy solution. And Kelsey talked a lot of the situation she was talking about was a hiring somebody and that.
And I've had that situation where I'm just like, I just want to get to the end of this. Like I just want to get to like passing off this things on my plate because I am literally drowning. And even though against my better instinct, I want to give this person a chance because I like them because I like their vibe. I like who they are. Even though gutturally I'm like, I don't think that they're going, like my first instinct is I don't know if they're the right fit.
but then you go into this, well, but I like them, but they're nice, but they're kind, but they're gonna work hard or whatever excuse you have ⁓ for them. you're your mind like, I just wanna give them a chance. Let's just see, let's just try. And every single time that happens, it ends in someone getting fired. And then I have more on my plate anyways. And I am back to saying, what in the world did you just do? Why didn't you just trust your instinct to begin with, right?
Dana Kadwell (07:39)
All right, guys, we all know, that Gen Z has fully entered the wedding market and they are not going anywhere. So here is the reality that we are facing today. Today's couples, they need instant gratification. They need information at their fingertips. They do not want to wait to get the information. They want something that is easy and they need consistent reminders. They are being bombarded by things all over the place.
So a strong sales funnel is more crucial than ever before. And this is where LeadLock Pro comes in. In today's world, that means that we have got to focus on our speed when we are talking to our leads. Text message communication. Yes, I know being a geriatric millennial, this seems counterintuitive, but they love text messages. And nurturing to sell. So right now, if your current lead process relies solely on manual responses, I guarantee you that you are leaving money on the table.
Really what we are trying to do is yes, we want to be fast. Yes, we want to great communications. We are trying to create that deep sense of trust with our clients. So LeadLock Pro, where they are helping venues and wedding pros is they are creating streamlined and career systems with a lead management software designed to track leads, leverage automations and increase your marketing ROI. All where it doesn't just feel like everything is automated and doesn't feel like a robot is
book a demo and to learn more, head to leadlockpro.com. And don't forget to tell them that I sent you.
Dana Kadwell (09:08)
So I don't know, I thought that that was like a little close to home for me because I think I have spent a lot of these past two years not trusting my instincts. And I think I mentioned it a little bit in the first episode of the season where I just was told that like my emotions weren't real, my feelings weren't real and you know, they weren't valid. And so I struggled with
believing what I felt and thought was a real thing. So
Again, like I don't, I don't like to look back and say, ⁓ I should have done this or I should have seen this or you know, whatever that kind of should scenario should be. I don't even look back on this on these two years and say, ⁓ my God, like, why didn't you trust your instincts? Why didn't you do this? Why didn't you say like, that's not healthy for anybody and it's not helpful for anybody. But I can totally recognize where these, when you go through something like this, when you go through
someone betraying your trust when you go through something traumatic, when you go through something really hard, when you go through anything that kind of puts that like Spidey alert up a little bit, you know what I mean? And where you feel taken advantage of, where you feel like a boundary has been crossed, all of those things, it makes you question yourself and it makes you question, is what I'm feeling real or am I just sad?
is what I'm feeling real or am I just angry? Is this something that I should care about or should I just chalk it up to being in a tough position, right? All of those things make you question that gut instinct that we are all given and that 99 % of the time is the right instinct. And there has been...
I think that's been the most healing for me in all of this. Um, cause I can say that I walked into like the end of 2025 not trusting myself at all. I didn't trust anything about, about anything. Like I felt so completely broken. Um, that if someone would have told me like, what are you good at? I would have been like,
nothing. I'm good at sleeping. That's it. was just so completely broken. didn't, I, the imposter syndrome was overwhelming. ⁓ I felt like a failure in so many, so many ways, but I didn't trust anything that I felt. I thought all of it was, because it just, it seemed larger than life. And what I was going through seemed so freaking absurd. Like some of the things that like transpired were so incredibly absurd that I was like,
how can this be real life? This has to be a movie. I have to be getting pranked. Like where's Ashton Kutcher at this point, right? Like it just didn't make any sense. And so I couldn't make heads or tails of it. So then I didn't trust it. And so I walked into the latter half of last year, like just so, so broken. And it really wasn't until I like started dissecting like conversations, I started dissecting situations, realizing
this idea of gaslighting. when you are actually a victim of being gaslit, is like... I can't even describe the feeling to you. I literally cannot because
You question everything. You trust nobody. You trust nothing because the whole purpose of being gaslit is someone telling you that you can't be trusted. They're telling you that you're crazy. That didn't happen. That's not real. And then when you're confronted with like literally evidence and truth and like a freaking government printout of what you said happened and this person's like, that never happened. I was like,
I can't describe it, I literally can't describe it. So like, it was really then that I started going back and saying, okay, am I actually crazy? Like, is this something I should have been upset about? Is this something that like, I should have listened to my gut and seen knowing that there was something going on, knowing that there was something wrong.
And instead I pushed it down. I smashed it down. I pretend like it wasn't real. I pretend like it didn't happen. Or I was told like you're crazy. You're irrational. You're a bitch. You're awful. Like whatever name you want to call me. Like I have been called that name in the past two years. Like all of those things. Is that true? Is that true? Or. Gutterly knowing like. I'm honest, I'm real. I don't lie.
Is that enough? You know? So anyways, I felt like that was like a...
a really great reminder of not that you want to get rid of empathy, but recognizing when you're asking to go against your gut instinct, filter it through that. Why is it because you're being overly empathetic? And I'm not saying there isn't a place for that, but there is a way to look at that and question it and say, is that valid? Like, is that real? You know? So.
Anyways, I thought that was great. I loved that little nugget that she gave us. I think I'll be thinking about that for a while. ⁓ But anyways, thank you so much for joining us with our quick chat. We're going to be back next week with a whole new guest ⁓ and super excited. The season has been going so well and I've just enjoyed just getting back into it. So thank you guys so much and I will see you next time.
Dana Kadwell (14:55)
Thank you so much for joining us for Gathered Here. To learn more about my new properties, be sure to follow us at McAlser Leftwich and at the Graham Mill. If you want to stay in the loop for all things Hustle and Gather, the venue masterclass, or our mastermind group, be sure to follow us on Instagram at Hustle and Gather. And for updates to the podcast and see all the fun things we're going to be doing this year, be sure to follow at Gathered Here Podcast. I'm your host, Dana Cadwell. Join us next time on Gathered Here.