The Tension of Authority and Affection with Dr. Mike Ayers

In this episode of Raising Men, host Shaun Dawson sits down with Dr. Mike Ayers, author of Father Friend: How Intentional Dads Lean In, Lead Well, and Love Big at Every Stage, to discuss what it takes to stop parenting on autopilot and build an intentional roadmap for raising sons. Drawing from over 25 years of studying developmental psychology and organizational leadership, Dr. Mike explains how fathers can transition from direct command-and-control tactics into trusted lifelong advisors as their children grow. He outlines the core philosophy of the "Father Friend" model—balancing the tension between authority and affection—and breaks down the four developmental stages of parenting alongside seven essential competencies every dad needs, including self-awareness, affirmation, and sacrifice. Together, they explore practical tools for managing anger, navigating the unique needs of boys, and avoiding the trap of passive parenting.

Key Takeaways

1. Love Must Be Intentional: Most fathers naturally love their children, but without intentionality, life causes dads to drift into career focus, leading to long-term regret.
2. Balance Authority and Affection: Successful fatherhood lives in the tension between being an authority figure who directs and leads, and being a friend who connects emotionally.
3. Parenting Styles Must Evolve: A father’s leadership style should adapt to the child’s developmental stage rather than relying on a single, rigid approach.
4. Self-Awareness Drives Character Growth: Children naturally test boundaries and push buttons; a father's willingness to grow his own character is the foundational skill of parenting.
5. Instill Belief in Your Sons: While love communicates value to a boy, active belief in his capabilities builds the self-efficacy needed to face life's challenges.

"Love says I'm valued; belief says I'm capable." — Dr. Mike Ayers

"Love is giving to someone what they need when they need it." — Dr. Mike Ayers

"Stop surviving the days and instead start shaping the years." — Dr. Mike Ayers

Books, Links and Frameworks Mentioned

• Father Friend: How Intentional Dads Lean In, Lead Well, and Love Big at Every Stage by Dr. Mike Ayers https://books.google.com.ph/books/about/Father_Friend.html?id=SczsEQAAQBAJ&redir_esc=y
• Father Friend Website: https://www.fatherfriend.net/
• Situational Leadership Model (Ken Blanchard): Framework adapting leadership behavior based on the follower's development level.
• The Monks of New Skeet: Referenced for their philosophy on dog training and spirit enablement.

What is Raising Men?

Raising Men is a podcast about parenting, masculinity, and the lifelong journey of raising sons—and ourselves—to be men of courage, character, and purpose. Hosted by Shaun Dawson, each episode features real conversations with parents, leaders, and thinkers redefining what it means to raising men in today’s world.

there's this balance between authority and affection

between correcting and connecting

between strength and tenderness uh between

you know telling and listening and in that attention

I think is found exactly what we need

with the underlying question

here's

here's the underlying question of the whole model

and the whole purpose

and that is what do my children need right now

welcome back to raising men

now on today's episode

we're going to dive

into what it takes to stop parenting

on autopilot

and start trying to build an intentional roadmap

for yourself and for your kids

joining us is Doctor Mike Ires

he's the author of a book called Father Friend

how intentional dads lean in

lead well and love big at every stage

Doctor Mike has spent over 25 years

studying developmental psychology

and leadership

to figure out how to identify patterns in ourselves

and our children

and he's here to show us how we can transition

from direct command and control

to becoming trusted lifelong advisors as our kids grow

Doctor Mike welcome to raising men

thank you Sean

appreciate it I'm glad to be here

well and so I uh

what what got you

you know I

you've been working on this book for

for several years now what made

got you interested in even going down that road

yeah well um

I think my story is not much unlike other dads

other dads

I did not grow up with a healthy model of fatherhood

and um

once I became a father

pretty quickly on I realized I was just winging it and

um

didn't know where to start

I love my kids I

you know almost all dads love their children

so my whole premise is

it's not that we don't love our children

it's the question is

whether we will love them intentionally because

you know over time life happens

we hold that Newborn and you know

we we kind of make this solemn promise

I'm gonna I'm gonna give this kid my very best

we're we know we're filled with emotion yeah

but then life happens things get busy

we begin to focus on careers

other things and we drift and drift leads to regret

and research bears that out

seven out of 10 fathers have regrets about

not spending enough time with their children

as they were growing up

so I was in the same boat when I started

I started off just really not knowing what to do

and so back then I've always been kind of a student um

I've taught in higher education for 23 years and um

I think in models and frameworks

and it's just the way my my mind works

I have a PhD in organizational leadership

actually my degree is in leadership

but I did so much research in um

identity development in children adolescence

but I began becoming a student of fatherhood

reading every book I could find

research articles

talking to other dads um

looking at my own fatherhood successes and failures

and I just didn't see out there anything that helped me

in particular with the idea of fatherhood

um I didn't find anything that provided a real

clear purpose so what is

what's a father what

what is the end goal right

what what are we supposed to be doing

yeah um

I found a lot of uh

stories and even struggles

uh I found

also

a lot of research that talked about how children grow

and how children develop

but what I didn't find was how fathers grow and develop

and how they should

respond to their children's development

so

I began putting all these things together and writing

and about five years ago

I started this book called Father Friend

and um

that's how I began to really

just father with more intentionality

and with a long term goal

of becoming something for my kids

that I didn't get myself but I wanted to hand it down

I wanted to hand down something um

better to my kids than than what I received

and so that's where all this came from

you know I love that you you

my take on that is that you

you kind of became a father

and then realized how out of

out of your depth you were

and I think that's a

an experience that is familiar to a lot of us and um

and the first thing that you kind of realize there is

okay what does being a good father mean

what's the definition yeah

so all the and you found there wasn't one right

you know you went out searching for it and realized

oh man there

there really isn't a good definition there

there really in my opinion

there really wasn't a good definition

everybody talks about fatherhood

but nobody defines what it actually is

and so it's like you know

somebody describing water to somebody that's drowning

right right

doesn't really help them but

you know we get lots of good ideas

so I decided what was necessary

what I needed at least

was a clear understanding of what a father actually is

so what did you come to for that

I came to that whole idea of father friend

I think in in the attention of those two words

we find a pretty clear definition

of what a father should be

and do um

what a father should be is a father

of course a person who has authority

who has title

who um

is directing and leading

and giving behaviors toward their children

to help them become better uh

as individuals to help them reach their potential

so there's a directing

kind of into the spectrum of fatherhood

all the way to the other end

which is friend

and I think every man listening would say hey

when my kids are grown I want my kids to respect me

of course

but I also want them to know they can come to me

and so on the friend side of the spectrum

that's all about the idea of connecting

to your children

and having a depth of relationship to your children

and so the idea here is

there's this balance between authority and affection

between correcting and connecting

between strength and tenderness

yeah uh

between um

you know telling and listening

and and in that tension

I think is

found exactly what we need

with the underlying question here's

here's the underlying question of the whole model

and the whole purpose and that is

what do my children need right now

and one of the things that struck me about

about the model when I first listened to

and it's something that I thought was profoundly simple

which by what

by what I mean by that

is that it's simple without being obvious

yeah and and that is that your

the your relationship with your children is different

based on how old they are

they need different things as they

they grow and and your role changes over time

and I that seems so obvious in

in retrospect and

I'm not sure I would have been able to put it like that

before encountering that concept

and so you've defined

um four different stages that

that we go through tell us about that

yeah and really

the father

friend model grew out of my leadership experience

um I'm sure you've heard of Ken Blanchard

in the leadership space years ago

he developed situational leadership model

and all that is based upon a theory of leadership

called the Social Theory of leadership

that's about exchanges

between the leader and the follower

old day leadership was hey

you tell the follower what to do and they line up right

well Blanchard came across this concept that says hey

you lead based upon the developmental level of

of your followers any good leader

adjust his leadership

depending upon the person they're leading right

right makes sense to us in business

in leadership we

we know this is intuitively true

and Blanchard said hey

based upon the level of competence

and confidence that an employee has

you change your behavior

on the spectrum of directive behavior

or supportive behavior

you give to your followers what they need

so the mindset is really more of a servant leadership

it's not a top down model

but it's a bottom up model

to give to those who are leading what they need

the same is true with fatherhood

because if a father is anything to his children

he's a leader of his children right

yeah right

that's that's it

and so the idea here is

based upon where my children are in their development

a dad needs to give to that child something different

at these different stages

all of this is based upon research

by the way it's not just made up by me

I did a ton of developmental research about what is

what is actually needed in these different phases

so yeah

a child needs different things at different stages

I like to say the love of a father never changes

it's not like you're reinventing yourself

but the focus of your leadership changes

during these different stages

and I think that's really important for dads to get

again

because many dads are comfortable giving one thing

regardless of you know

where their children are

I found that some dads are very comfortable confronting

and uh

that authoritative type of leadership style

um other dads are comfortable being their child's buddy

but the question that we ask is

what does my child need right now

at this stage of their development

not do

what do I feel like giving or what does my child want

so the model is a call for a father to grow

it means we ask a question and that question is

what does my child need and then

I grow to the point where I'm willing to give that

even though it may not be comfortable

because that's what my child need

needs and that's what love is

love is giving to someone what they need

when they need it

yeah man

I like that definition too

I so there's

there's two there's two things that are

that really resonate with um

with what I have seen during this Raising Men project

um with that

and the first that I'll mention is

a lot of things start with definitions

it's very important to get the definitions down

and to be very clear about what you mean

and so you've done that you've

you've what um

you know this is what we mean by father ship

this is what we mean by love and

and because a lot of times

we muddle through our lives without

you know

kind of having a vague sense of what the thing is

but not being able to put it into words

mm hmm and if you can't put it into words

then it's not really in your prefrontal cortex

it's in your Conan brain yeah

and um

and the other thing is

and this theme is so constant in this whole project

which is that everything is attention

everything is attention and so

being successful at turning your boys into thriving

young men is all about managing those tensions

and you talk about the tension between uh

between authority and connection

and there is a there

there is a big tension between those things it

it does not feel like connection

when you are getting onto your son about hey

you can't be doing this or you can't be doing that

but it is important

it is part of forging that connection

if you don't if they're not able to thrive in the world

then then you're

not gonna be able to have that connection with them

at all you'll be correcting them all the time you'll be

you'll be constantly I I

I'm reminded

uh when I first got a dog

a friend of mine turned me on to a book

by a group called the monks of New Skete

and these are a group of guys in upstate

New York that are actual legit monks

from what I understand

and they raise German shepherds and they um

and they had a they tell a story in the book about

where there's a woman that came to get a dog from them

and she said well

I I I

you know I don't want

I don't want him I don't want him trained like that

I don't want to break his spirit

and they took her on a walk and they showed

uh

one of the brothers with one of their dogs who had been

you know an older dog who had been like

gone through the process and been trained

and they were out in a field

just enjoying each other and playing and and

you know they were

they were almost dancing

is the way that it was described in the book and

and the monk that was giving her the tour said

you talk about spirit that's spirit

spirit is not having to yell at your dog constantly

because he's not able to work in the world

in a way that the world expects

him to to work

uh huh spirit is enabling him

and giving him the skills to thrive in the world

the way it is

and and that is something I think

you know that's a really useful model to think about

what our role is

what our job is with respect to our boys

yeah yeah

and you're so

you know you said prefrontal cortex

and so you know

a part big part of the model

in fact it's

one of the commitments that I asked dads to make

in the book is

hey commit to self awareness

that's that's probably the most important thing um

for a for a dad

a skill for a dad to have and

and and to be aware of what he is doing

in relationship to his child

and then to have a sense of purpose around it

um there is

there is real power and purpose we

we know this inherently we have business models

if we construct a house we have blueprints

but then when it comes to being a dad

we'll just kind of wing it

right and just well

I'll just make it up as we go

and take one day at a time

my challenge is for dads to stop surviving the days

and instead start shaping the years what

what I wanted what I wanted was an outcome

I wanted to I wanted to uh

both influence my children

so that they would embrace the values that I

think are important in life

um they would

they would have the character

that I really desired for them to have

my children are not perfect

I'm not a perfect dad

but these were the outcomes I was seeking

and I also

wanted them to reach their potential for life

and um

I found that my involvement with them

meant a constant question of saying okay

well what do they need right now at this moment

maybe I need to back off and give some affection here

um you know

dads can make their kids hold the line

but do they hold their kids

you know and kids need that um

and and

and other times I need more courage

cause I didn't want to discipline

you know but I needed to

it's what my child needed

and each one of my kids were different

my oldest son was very compliant

just a real sweet kid uh

to have an authoritative approach with him

would have crushed him yeah

my middle child my middle boy was completely different

when he was a young kid

he would often do things he knew that were wrong

over and over again and so

a passive approach

with him would have crippled his future

yeah and my daughter

she needed the most attention

um in the years 10 to 13

so different kids different situations

different needs and I found like

I found that at different seasons

I need to give them different things

so yeah you're exactly right

that's that's

that that balance is really

really important my challenge is for dads to grow

to be able to give their kids what they need

now you've identified a number of

competencies that you feel represent the various

things that you need to be able to do

to be an effective father

like can we talk

let's talk about those yeah sure

so uh

you know going back

just to build a foundation for that

going back to the whole definition of fatherhood

found in the concept of father friend

what I like to tell dads is

you think about the father friend

to me it involves really these three things

that is to lean in with presence

nothing is more important than being there right

I think we all know that to lead well with purpose

to have an underlying purpose to the daily craziness

right that I can

I can see

that there's some long term goal that I'm striving for

that helps me to interpret what's going on today and uh

help me transcend the craziness of the day

to get through it uh

so to lean in with presence

lead well with purpose

and then I say love big with passion

just love your kids just extravagantly love

I'm not talking about giving them everything

buying them stuff

they should have no doubt in their mind that you

as their father

are committed to their well being

and you you love them with your whole heart

so with that foundation that definition

you know I developed the four stage model

but then the seven competencies are

are what I say is necessary to live it out

those competencies are self awareness

first of all that's the first on the list

um

to to grow as a man

not just develop skills as a father

and cause children you know this uh Sean

you know children have a way of pushing buttons

children have a way of poking around and

and causing us to need to grow in our character

I talk about this all the time I

I so I'm not an angry person

I don't get angry at people very often

I don't either um and

and this this actually was maladaptive for me

when I first had kids because

I never had to develop the skills of managing anger

I just kind of it

I got it by default but man

my boy when he first came out

he was so good at making me mad that I

I I didn't know how to deal with it

I I

I just

would flash just into a rage at a moment's notice

and um

man I had to

I had to learn I had to figure out how to manage that

it's

it's amazing to me how that happens and um

it's just a part of life

and I really came to believe that god had put me on

this earth not just to change my kids

but for them to change me

so self awareness

and then the second competency is affirmation

I try to instruct men on how to just

affirm their children

I think we can get in modes as dads

where we're constantly critiquing

seeing what's wrong

instead of what's right with our kids

I talked to one dad

after a parenting conference that I taught

a workshop I taught he came up to me

cause I was talking about this thing that I call

projected vision that our kids begin to see themselves

the way that we see them

and it doesn't have to be with our words

it's our tone it's our attitude toward them

they begin picking up on these signals

he came this dad came up to me at a break and said

I'm that guy I said

what do you mean he said

I don't think I like my daughter

and he began crying

he just came to the realization that over time

he had become she was different than he was

had a different personality

he had become critical of her

that was his filter through which he saw her

he came to realization I love my daughter

but I don't think I even like her

and she picked up on those signals

so I I really try to train men

in particular

on that soft side of giving affirmation to our kids

the third uh

competency and I

hope I'm not taking too long here

but third competency is leadership

I talk about what leadership looks like as a father

and how to steward power and authority properly

the model that I teach is a servant leader model

um we use power and authority for the sake of others

and we use it for the sake of our kids

um it's not for them to uh

prove their allegiance to me

or to build me up in some way

but for me to help them reach their potential through

my power authority and title

um the fourth competency is integrity

um that we have to model the message for our kids

there's probably nothing more important

than being a person of integrity

that doesn't mean being perfect

it just means being authentic

yeah and so that in our lives

we have to have an alignment between what we say

what we do and what we believe

and to the degree our words

action and values align

is the degree that we have more integrity

which also is proportional

to the impact that we have on our children

for them to embrace the values

that we believe are important in life

so we've got to have integrity

the fifth competency is courage

I challenge men to raise world changers

um I think we have too much acculturation going on

where kids are afraid to stand up for their values

and be who they are um

and especially with all

the social pressures they're facing today

so I talk about in the book this uh

the skill of being a type of father

that develops courage in our children

to the degree they live lives without fear

and are able to risk

and are able to make a difference in the world

contribute to the world

rather than just being consumers in the world

um the next competency is discipline

um I teach in the book

I teach dads how to express loving

yet effective discipline

finding the balance there with not only correcting

but also connecting to our children

and then

the seventh competency is the competency of sacrifice

I in the book talking about women and children first

that's what it means to be a man right

and so we have a window of opportunity with our kids

I know it's tough we

if I if men say anything to me

it's time and time management and priorities

and how do I build a career

how do I provide for my family

and yet also have presence with my kids

it's a constant

um tension to manage

that's for sure and so uh

what I try to do at the end of the book

is just inspire men to

the idea of time is passing quickly

leverage your life

there's nothing gonna be more meaningful in the end

um you know

the only one that will remember that you worked late

20 years from now are your kids

nobody at work is gonna really care that much um

you you

you just don't

and I talk to so many men who have regret

whose window of opportunity is closed right

so that's that's why I try to uh

just inspire men hey there is something better

there is a way of making this work

and my challenge to you is

you've got to sacrifice for the sake of your family um

and that means giving up some things we love

for the people we love more and um

sacrifice really isn't sacrifice

if you're not giving up something you don't love right

so we we we

we we give up things that are important to us

for the sake of those things that are more

important to us

and so that's the book

and those are the seven competencies

I love that what do you you know

the book is obviously geared towards what

what you saw as a gap in in the literature

and I think that you noticed

just like I did when you were looking around

that there are plenty of books about

how to be a great mom

it seems and maybe that's not true by the way

you know it's not like we're the audience for that so I

I don't know and maybe that's

maybe that's such a hunger and it's not filled either

but but what do you think

do you think there are any lessons um

or what do you think the lessons are in

in your research about

about being the mother to a boy

hmm yeah

um first of all your

your premise is correct I mean

I saw it cause I researched it there

there are more books on motherhood

there's a lot of books on parenthood

but

but when you look at a lot of books that their approach

and there are a lot of good books

by the way not saying that

but their approach is often

understand how your children develop

and you'll be okay

I I have a different approach

it's it's how do dads need to develop

yeah and so um

there are a lot of books on parenthood

there are a lot of books for motherhood

very few that I think approach fatherhood this way

I'm hoping there will be more not

not just by me but we need more

men need to be equipped

what I found Sean

was that with with men and fatherhood

um

men are viewed as kind of replaceable

um

interchangeable with a mom

and what I try

the point I try to make in the book is that

there is something really unique to a strong loving man

in the life of a child

that mom is of course important

uh

she's irreplaceable but so is a dad a

a uh

now can a single mother

and I write a section in the book to single moms

can a single mother raise whole and healthy children

of course

she can do an amazing job

but that doesn't negate the fact that strong

loving men

as fathers need to be present in children's lives

so I don't think the roles are

you know interchangeable

I think both are necessary

and my challenge is for men to uh

do their part in the relationship

and not default to mom

but to be present at every stage of their child's lives

but um

you know your question going back to a mother's role

it's it's greatly important

I think

some of the paradigms that need to be changed is well

a mom

and I've talked to dads who've actually

you know said this

maybe you've heard this um

well I'm

I'm the disciplinarian and the mom is the comfort

yeah my hmm

that's a big mistake daddy uh

mama for comfort daddy for body slam

yeah yeah exactly

Dad's Dad's the hammer and

you know Mom's the

Mom's the uh

comforter and all that I

I I know

you're really giving your child a

skewed view of what it means to be a man

and what it means to be a father eventually right

so uh

you know both need to

to do both yeah

I I think that's right

that's that's a

that's a really good point

I uh we

we had I mean

like I said I

I joked about it but that was

that was our version of that in our family is

is daddy for body slams mama for comfort

yeah and well

you know we say it all the time playing the mother say

yeah exactly

which is of course part of being a man and

and rough housing with your kids

but you know

mom says say it all the time

wait till your father gets home

that was definitely I uh

I did a Father's Day episode with my dad and um

um and one of the real memories I have of

of being a kid was

um my mom would recite his office phone number

if I was starting to get out of line

um she would say 7 6

8 2

1 5

3 and hahaha it's been 45 years

wow since I've heard that number

and I still remember it to this day

sure because it was

I'm gonna call your dad

and the way that it worked in my family

is that my mom would send me to my room for 15 minutes

my dad would send me to my room for 15 days right

so as soon as he got involved it

it got amped up to 11 right

and so and that

and that was the dynamic but

you know I

yeah it

it probably wasn't it wasn't necessarily the best way

yeah well

you know that

that's how they that's how they managed yeah

between connection and and authority

one of them provided the connection

the other one provided the authority

well the

the bummer about that is

then the dad has to be the jerk all the time

yeah that's

that's exactly right the hammer

and then you don't get you don't

you're giving the mom the best part of the job

yeah yeah

I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with a

with a understanding of mom and dad being different

in the sense that dad is a picture of

of strength you know

and mom is a picture of nurturing

I I think that's fine

I think the problem is

is when they're solely and only defined by those roles

yeah where

you know mom is always the soft one and

and never disciplines and dad is always the

the hard nose yeah

and is is never tender with his kids

but you know

going back to the instinctive male

female things that we bring

those are good those are important

and research also bears that out

so anyway

but yeah

I get it yeah

yeah each

each parent kind of has their unique and

and it it comes down to the individual too right

you might find that that you

as a dad happen to be a lot more suited to this

to the to the

the connection side of that tension and

and you the mom has more of the authority

the authority bit but yeah

I mean you don't want to pigeonhole each other

no I tell dads all the time

I said listen

your kids are not gonna remember everything you say

every lesson you give them

every talk that you've given them

but they will remember how you made them feel

that's for sure right

and psychologist call it emotional memory

in the end

you'll look back and you'll have a feeling about that

and you know

we blow it I mean

Sean I blew it so many times

I lost my patience so many times and uh

you know was hard on kids when I shouldn't have been

or missed a few opportunities I should have been at

but um

in the end I kept trying

you know and in the end

also what I am proud to say

I'm not a perfect dad

but I am proud to say that I gave my kids

something much more healthy

and whole than I received

and if I did that then I'm happy about that

and in the end my kids are well adjusted

thriving young adults who still love me and still

who want to come back and see me when they can

and have grandchildren so

it's all a journey with lots of UPS and downs

lots of two steps forward and one step back

and in the end

uh

your kids are gonna really measure your fatherhood by

um your effort

not your perfection yeah

I think that's exactly right

yeah now

I always um

I almost feel silly asking the question

I'm about to ask you

because you've dropped so many great

definitions and principles

during the course of this episode

but I always like to end these conversations

with the same question to everybody

and that is if there is one principle

that every parent of boys should listening

should live by in your mind

what what bubbles to the top for you

if I ask you for just one principle

wow good question

well gosh

one principle for dads of boys or yeah

you said parents of boys right

yeah yeah

um

my my

you know I know it sounds generic

but it's so true and it's powerful

and that is you just have to keep showing up

you know

you just have to keep showing up with your presence

um you have to show up after you blew it

you have to show up after a bad day at work

you have to show up when your child is disobedient

and you want to withdraw emotionally from them

um

you just have to keep showing up

and I think presence

there's nothing more important than that

and so the commitment of being present

and I'm not just talking about

you know being at the house or being in the room

I'm talking about being um

emotionally present yeah

because you can be present

you know you can be present

physically present yeah exactly

you can be present at the dinner table

and be thinking about work

or browsing your phone exactly

or pushing your kids on a swing

as I've seen at the park several times

while you're scrolling on your phone um

so it's just about being present

and that's not easy for us in our distracted world

but for moms and dads

I think the most important thing is to be there

through all the UPS and downs

and to seek to be a loving presence in your kids lives

um nothing more important

and that may be more important to me

you know I had a dad who was not there a lot

so um

just being there for your kids

is gonna be something they're gonna

they're gonna really hold on to

for the rest of their lives

and I would say

let me say one more thing in particular with young boys

because Sean you know this

with the whole idea of men and boys

there is something within us

males that long to feel competent at some things

and so I'm always taking back to that Jim Valvano quote

who was the famous basketball coach at NC State

won the championship back in the late eighties

he said my father gave me the greatest gift another

any other person could give

um and that is he believed in me

and I think for boys in particular

that's really important um

it's one thing for your son to know that you love them

it's another thing for them to know

that you believe in them love

you know

uh love says I'm valued

um

belief says I'm capable yeah

and and worthy of life's challenges

exactly I can face life's challenges again

psychologists call that self efficacy

the idea that I am enough to handle what's ahead

and a huge premise is that our kids

and I think in this area in particular

our boys see themselves as we see them

children borrow confidence from trusted

authorities in their lives

and so parents need to instill this

this thing that says hey

I believe in you and let's risk

let's try and if you fail

I'm gonna reframe failure for you

uh because it's not a verdict on your self worth

yeah it means you attempted

but I believe in you and um

I believe that God has something special for your life

and I'm gonna be here to provide those opportunities

for you to see that come

come to fruition

that's a beautiful sentiment

thank you for sharing it yeah

that's this has been Doctor Mike Airs

the book is called Father Friend

it's available for pre order now

in the link is in the show notes

Doctor Mike

thank you so much for taking the time to be with us

here on Raising Men

thank you Sean

I thoroughly enjoyed it I hope I can come back

absolutely let's uh

let let

let's let's definitely have you back

when we get closer to the release

and as always thank you for listening to Raising Men

you are a great parent

raising men is produced by Phil Hernandez

this episode was edited by Ralph Tolentino