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We all carry something. In this soulful and deeply human podcast, Marilyn Getas Byrne holds heartfelt conversations with people who’ve lived through the unthinkable—and made their way back to joy. These are real stories of pain, healing, and what it truly means to choose happy.
She was trying to wake me up. It was the middle of the night. And as she's trying to wake me up, she's saying, daddy's killing mommy. You need to help help. It was a lot, but events don't define you.
Keri:A childhood event does not define who you are and who you're meant to be.
Marilyn:My god. This woman, she has been through more pain than most of us could fathom, and yet she has never ever lost her strength of spirit. I'm Marilyn Giedisburn. This is chasing happy brought to you by The Comfy. I'm gonna start today's episode with a warning.
Marilyn:The topics we're covering are heavy. They are tragic. We're talking about, the death of a mother and her young child, but we promise you if you stick with us, you are gonna be inspired. We're gonna take you on a journey through resilience, through love, and you're gonna hear someone's story about how choice has helped them end the cycle of generational pain. Carrie Chen is a 49 year old mother of three adult beautiful daughters.
Marilyn:She has a loving devoted husband. She lives in the Bay Area. But when she was a young girl around the age of eight, she was living in Las Vegas when her stepfather murdered her mother and her baby sister. Her story is heart wrenching, but it is also awe inspiring. So we hope you'll stick with us as she takes us on a real journey of survival.
Marilyn:This is chasing happy, the show about what we carry and what sets us free. All made possible by the comfy wearable blankets that make life happier. Find out for yourself with 20% off your first order. Use the code chasing happy when you check out at the comfy.com. The comfy, relax like you mean it.
Marilyn:Carrie Chen, thank you so much for being here with us today. We know that your story is truly inspiring. It is raw. It is touching. It's deeply intense, and we just wanna recognize that that this is a real gift for us to have you come on and and share your story with us.
Keri:Oh, no. Thank you for having me. I know you, and I know that it's gonna be a safe space. So I'm excited.
Marilyn:We're excited too. And, I think bringing true stories to light where people can feel like no matter what somebody goes through, that there is always that hope and that ability to find your happy, find your joy on the other side. And so I wanna talk about I wanna start with just asking you, where are you today? What are you in touch with today finding your joy? What what do you do in those little moments during the day that you're touching into to give you that sense of of peace?
Keri:You know, I I appreciate every single day I'm given. You know? We just never know what tomorrow brings. So I live each day just really soaking it in. If it means, like, the warmth of the sun on my skin, or taking a walk, you know, around the block.
Keri:It doesn't matter. It could be anything that's very simple. But I have the air in my lungs, and I breathe every day, you know. So I don't know. I think just finding the little things in life that you don't want to take for granted, you know.
Keri:So I am very happy. I love being a mother. I love being a wife, a homemaker. This is me, and I just I find happiness every day.
Marilyn:Yes. And you
Keri:do I do that. Frustration too.
Marilyn:Don't we all? Don't we all?
Keri:Well, you know, I mean, that's just part of life. And I think, yeah. I think what it was that I went through at such a young age helped me really dig deep and find grit in my life. Like I've said before with you, that just, you know, you have to keep going. You have to take the next step and just keep going.
Marilyn:Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And I would love for you, if you don't mind, to take us back to those early days of your life and share with us the beginning of the trajectory of going back to where things started there for you?
Keri:Yeah. So I grew up just a very very wild kind of I I don't know. I just I have a brother and a sister, and I had another sister. And my mom was also kind of a stay at home mom, but she kinda did a little bit more risky things than what I would ever do with my life. And by her doing certain risky things, it just kind of like put us in a very precarious situation.
Keri:So my mother, when I was eight years old, was murdered. And it was just it was it was a lot, you know. I'm the one that found her in the morning, just on the floor. That night, I had a dream. And it happened when my little sister, who was almost four at the time, she was three in few days, actually, she was gonna be four.
Keri:And she had come into the room and in my bedroom, and she was trying to wake me up. It was the middle of the night. And as she's trying to wake me up, she's saying, daddy's killing mommy. You need to help help. And I just assumed she was having a nightmare.
Keri:So and I was so tired. I was all of eight and a half, almost nine years old. So I just told her, come on, get in bed with me. Just scoot in. So I remember feeling her climb up into my bed with me, and she stayed there for a little while.
Keri:And then I remember feeling her get up and open the door to the bedroom, and then close my door. I always had I was really particular about my bedroom door always having to stay shut. So she remembered to close my door, and then I saw her tiny little feet walking back towards the living room just through some light that was in the living room. And I just went right back to sleep. I was nine years old, and there was nothing.
Keri:I didn't really feel like getting up.
Marilyn:Yeah. So And you said you had a dream. Was that
Keri:Yes. So I had a dream that night. I I mean, it could have been because she had come into the room or what, but the dream was that there was somebody crawling through my bedroom window that came in through my bedroom window and like did harm within the within the family. And I don't know. I just I don't know how much that goes goes into play with all of this.
Keri:When I woke up in the morning, I saw my mom laying on the floor. And I saw my brother at the time, who was all he was so little. I was the oldest one. So my brother was five and five, maybe five and a half, six. And he was sitting on the couch with his little underoos on watching cartoons.
Keri:And my mother is laying on the floor, and she has what I assumed to be nail polish. Remember, I'm nine years old. So I thought she had nail polish on in her mouth. And I just said, oh, somebody is gonna be in trouble because they poured nail polish in mom's mouth. It's very young Wow.
Keri:Naive thing to say. Wow. And at that time, my eyes just glanced over, and I saw that the front door was open maybe two inches or something.
Marilyn:Mhmm.
Keri:So much was happening at once. And my brother gets up from the couch, walks over. There's a my mother's robe is on the loveseat next to the couch, and on top of the robe was a gun. And it had some, like, a silencer of some kind. It was like a long piece on the gun.
Keri:And he went to go pick it up, and I immediately told my brother, stop. Don't touch it. Fingerprints. Nine years old. But I will say that any of that type of knowledge that came to me was because of remember the DARE program?
Marilyn:Yeah. I do remember the DARE When
Keri:I was little, it was so crazy because it was just starting the DARE program, which was drug abuse resistance education. And they were starting in the the schools, and this officer or somebody of that nature would come in and tell us about all different types of things, and if we ever see things, not to touch it, and why we wouldn't do it. So it was like this education that I was getting while I'm in a class knowing what's going on at my house. And this
Marilyn:is flooding in at this moment.
Keri:I just was like, oh, no. Here I am, like, with crazy stuff going on at my house, but I feel like I can't tell these people because I know that whatever is going on at my house is wrong. So anyway, so when my brother went to grab for the gun, I was like, don't touch it. There's fingerprints there. But when he did that, it moved the the robe a little bit.
Keri:And I was able to see that my three and a half year old sister is under the robe. And when I looked, she had a bullet hole
Marilyn:Mhmm.
Keri:In her head. And I immediately so much was going through my head. Because she had tears, dried tears on her eyes also. And I just had so much going on in my head that I'm looking at the door, the door is open, and it has keys in the doorknob. Mhmm.
Keri:And all I was thinking is, when my mother got into a fight with my my stepdad a few weeks or so prior to this scenario. He took the keys with him, and we only had one set of keys.
Marilyn:Okay. So you the big clue for you right at this moment. Right?
Keri:No. I'm like, all of a sudden, are showing up. This is all going on, and I'm so little, and I'm just trying to piece everything together. And
Marilyn:Had you ever seen a gun before? Had you ever seen him with a gun? Guns before.
Keri:Yes. I had seen guns before. I had seen shotguns, rifles, handguns. I had seen guns before, so I knew exactly what it was. I knew that it was dangerous.
Keri:I knew not to touch it.
Marilyn:Did you think immediately this was his gun? Before you saw the keys, was that
Keri:I didn't I didn't think anything about the gun because I know that my mom keeps certain things in her room locked up. You know, somebody has let it out. Somehow, a gun has come out, or, you know, I didn't I didn't think too much about the gun. I was more focused on those keys. Because we had been being pushed through my bedroom window for weeks, because my mom had no keys.
Keri:She would lock the door and be like, okay, I'm gonna put you through the window. You go in and unlock the door so that we can get in the house. Mhmm. She had no keys. She it was just our way of doing things, and I knew he's the only one that had the keys.
Keri:So now, I'm scared. So I told my brother, we need to get out of here because he's gonna be in the house. And that immediately scared my brother. And he said, okay, I'm gonna get my clothes on. And he started to pass me, and I grabbed him by his little underoos, and I said, no, he could be in the house.
Keri:You know? And so then, he just stayed by me, and I am now terrified to reach down and get my two year old sister, who is laying across my mother, holding on to my mother. Because now I've seen what has happened to my three and a half year old sister.
Marilyn:Mhmm. Mhmm.
Keri:So when I reached down to grab my two year old sister, she moved, and she hugged me, and put her little head right here when I lifted her up. And I just held on, and was like, thank God. I have one alive. But in that movement, in the movement of me shifting my sister up, I broke that seal on my mom's lips, and the blood just, like, went really crazily down her the side of her chin. And that visual, I don't think I would I'll never forget it.
Keri:And, yeah. So we had gone
Marilyn:Well, can I ask you? Can I just ask you? Yeah. You're eight years old. Yeah.
Marilyn:Do you remember what was going through your mind at that precise moment?
Keri:I need to get my siblings out of here and be safe. I need to find safety. I mean, I think that it's like, in all of us, we all want to feel safe. That environment was not feeling safe.
Marilyn:And you realized that your mom had died at that
Keri:I realized my mother had died. Okay. And I am responsible. I'm the oldest. And I always had a very motherly nature to me anyway when it came to my siblings way prior to this.
Keri:So that kicked in even Mhmm. A 100 times more. Right? So I'm just like, you guys stay by me. I mean, it's my responsibility to get us out of this house safe.
Keri:And that's the way I looked at it. And, you know, we were we were safe. We were brought into my grandparents' home that was very warm and caring.
Marilyn:Can I can I can I walk you back just a little bit though? When you walked out with the kids. Yeah. Where did where did you go?
Keri:Okay. So it was a very new home for us. That's why we also didn't have keys. We had only been living there, I'm wanting to say, two months. But it could have even been less than that.
Keri:So you
Marilyn:probably didn't really know your neighbors.
Keri:We didn't know our neighbors. We didn't know the kids. We didn't know anybody. So when I walked out, I'm standing on in the doorway, actually. I wasn't even on the porch yet.
Keri:I was just standing in the doorway, and I noticed a couple that was out on the curb of the next door neighbors, and they were putting together, like, working on a motor home or something, like, as if they were getting ready to leave on a vacation. And I I just yelled out. I said, I need help. Help. And I'm sure my voice was cracking, and I was terrified.
Keri:But she turned around and she looked at me, and yeah, she she knew something's going on up here. Mhmm. This these kids are, you know, as white as a ghost and Yeah. What is going on?
Marilyn:In your underwear. I mean, you
Keri:know Right. Exactly.
Marilyn:Was go time. Right?
Keri:You know, like, there's this is the morning time. We're just barely waking up, and we're coming across all of this. So she's like slowly she's being very apprehensive, and she's very slowly, I felt, taking her time to come up our walkway to our porch. And I could just see it on her face also, the anxiety. I think she didn't know what she was about to step into.
Keri:And she's being very cautious as she's walking up, and she's saying things like, what is it, sweetie? What happened? And I'm just I kept repeating, my mom is dead. My mom is dead. I need help.
Keri:I need help. And she just I think it wasn't it wasn't computing. Mhmm. You know? So, which is very understandable.
Keri:As she got closer, she was able to look into the house as I'm like, I'm basically up to like her chest or something. She's able to look over me into the house, see my mother on the floor, and I think just the whole anxiety of the entire process. She just turned her she pushed us forward and she just threw up in the side of the Oh. The lawn. Wow.
Keri:It was just too much. And from there, she just scooted us over and took us into her grandchildren's playroom, and we it was like we had forgotten everything. It was like, yay, new toys, you know? I mean, we're little. Yeah.
Keri:Next thing you know, we were just playing with things, and an officer or probably CPS or something, like, came in and talked Uh-huh. With us, and and just asked if we knew any family close by, and and just the the regular thing that they do after those type of traumatic events with children. And we found ourself at at a juvenile hole, I believe is what it was. They put us in juvenile hole because our our grandparents were far. We didn't have anybody that lived really close to us, or our grandparents were out of state.
Marilyn:When you were saying about the dream you had the night. Yeah. Or that you felt like something came in the room Yeah. Did you feel like that was a guardian angel? Do you remember what No.
Marilyn:They said to you, or was anything said?
Keri:No. I didn't feel because it was a negative. It was an Okay. It was a negative feeling in my dream, like there was harm. So with that dream, it for sure was some type of, like, harm.
Keri:But I feel like, also, at the dream, if I I just if I really, like, try and go back there, I never felt scared for myself. Okay. I don't know if that makes sense or not, you know.
Marilyn:Somehow you knew you still felt that protection.
Keri:Felt the protection. Exactly. Okay. Somehow, I'm still feeling as if I'm protected. And I don't know why.
Keri:I don't know what it is. You know?
Marilyn:Did you ever have a sense of people talk about survivor's guilt or, you know, you're this young girl and you see your three year old sister.
Keri:Mhmm.
Marilyn:I can't even begin to imagine the pain, that you had gone through. And I'm wondering as an eight year old too, when did you how were you able to make sense of what was real and what had happened?
Keri:So first, with the survivor's guilt, that took me quite a bit. It took me a long time to not focus on that. Because my sister came into the room and was asking for help. And I didn't get up, you know? And so there is a lot of me through my childhood.
Keri:I would say, by the time I was about 15, 16, I had retold this story hundreds of times. And in a way, that was my therapy. Because my grandparents didn't believe in therapy. There was no there was no counselor, there was no therapy time, there was not even really like books that they would think it's okay for me to just. It it was just something that they didn't really believe in.
Keri:Or they didn't really want me to go down that the therapy path. So my therapy, I had to find it on my own, and it was talking about it. And getting other people's perspective, or the way even you responded, how you're like, oh, you know, that's a lot of strength that you have. It's like, I needed that from different people that were telling me that from the time I was really little.
Marilyn:Were you able to talk to your grandparents about it? Were they even though they didn't want you to go get counseling, were they an open ear for you?
Keri:They were an open ear for me, but then also not. So there were a lot of things that they didn't want to number one, my grandmother because my grandmother, she had already a lot of other things she's worrying about. She took on all of her children's kids. So she's my grandmother had a home of seven grandchildren. Oh, wow.
Keri:And I was the oldest. So it was a lot she had on her plate, because all of her biological children have had children, and couldn't take care of them for whatever reason, and dumped them onto my grandmother.
Marilyn:Oh my goodness.
Keri:So my grandmother tried her hardest to be like the, you know, strong woman that she was. So I wouldn't have burdened my grandmother with anything that was, you know, oh, you know, let me talk about my feelings even
Marilyn:before got real sense of of where you were in that new family. Yeah. Yeah. And and and it's incredible that you had that sensibility of of, well, this might be too much for her. I mean, you're this young person I
Keri:would not have I I definitely would not have tried to burden anything from myself onto my grandmother. I already knew she had a I had so much respect for my grandmother and my grandfather, who was not my biological grandfather, for taking us in, keeping us together. So anything they asked of me, a thousand per I'm gonna show up a thousand percent for you. You want me to have good grades in school? Thousand percent.
Keri:You want me to clean the house, dust on Wednesdays, whatever it is, you know, I'm gonna do it. And I'm gonna do it, like, top notch because I'm able to keep my brother and my sister together.
Marilyn:Yeah.
Keri:You know? This is huge.
Marilyn:So who were you telling the story to? Who was listening?
Keri:So I had friends. Friends that would the kids also, teachers. It doesn't matter. I would be at any type of function, and my grandparents would be there, and they would say, oh, is that your parent? No.
Keri:That's my grandparents. Oh, well, where's your mom? It just it happens. Those type of conversations just come up. Oh, I see your your grandfather is here.
Keri:Where's your dad? You know? Oh, well, my dad was never in the picture. You know? So I I just I I I'm a talker.
Keri:You know?
Marilyn:And you had to get it out.
Keri:You knew something out. I had to get it out.
Marilyn:Intuitively, that you had to keep sharing this until real healing was happening for you.
Keri:Absolutely. Absolutely. And my grandparents, I will say, they were part of a very large organized religion that I have since stepped away from.
Marilyn:Mhmm.
Keri:And within that organized religion, there were a lot of people that really gave me just this hope, you know, and instilled in me faith. They people of like all different cultures, and it didn't matter. Like, I was I was one of them, and I felt it very strongly. You know? It's just as we grow, things change, you know?
Keri:How did you
Marilyn:help the investigators further the investigation and find your stepfather?
Keri:Yeah. You know, they never asked me. So they never asked me who I thought did it. I was never asked that question because I immediately would have told them. It wasn't until my stepfather even came and brought came to our home once I was living with my grandparents, and brought us our bikes.
Keri:He brought us, you know, things that were at the house. He was going through and selling things. And even my grandparents had never asked me, who do you think did this?
Marilyn:So they so he was not a suspect at this time? Or do you just don't know? You don't know?
Keri:I knew for a fact. I I knew for a fact. I was a kid, but I didn't it's not my place.
Marilyn:He was not being held for anything? Do you and you weren't aware if the investigators were honing in on this on this man as the No.
Keri:I was just living my life daily, just learning who my cousins are, and learning who my grandparents are, and new kids down the street, what school I'm gonna go to. It was it was so much for me that I'm just now like, okay. Well, that happened. So now I have to I'm in survival mode. This is my next step.
Keri:I need to go here. I need to do this. I need to learn how to do this. I'm no longer worried about that guy because, in my opinion, he was nowhere around.
Marilyn:Were you afraid after this? Were you worried that he was gonna try to come find all of you? I mean, if you knew this was Yeah. The guy who did it. Yeah.
Marilyn:Yeah. How how did you cope with that fear? Did you just kind of feel like you were not the target for his rage? I definitely never felt like I was the target.
Keri:And I felt very safe at my grandparents' house. I felt extremely safe at my grandparents' house, even when he was there. I just I didn't it didn't dawn on me at nine years old to be like, by the way, you guys all know that he's the one that killed my mother. Like, it just I don't know why. Looking back, it's like, hello.
Keri:Why would you not? But I I can only say that it's because I was nine, and I was very naive, and I was a child. And I didn't know anything about the justice system.
Marilyn:You know? You didn't feel and you didn't feel like you were protecting him in any way for your safety?
Keri:I did I never felt like I was protecting him. I do remember him putting me on a bike and, you know, pushing me as fast as I could down a road, and then realizing I had no brakes, you know. He that type of stuff. Mhmm. And I like maneuvered my way to where I didn't fall or, you know, like, there were things that he was doing, I'm sure, to try and get me out of the way.
Keri:Okay. Get me hurt, anything like that. There was a kidnapping thing that happened that I can't totally say for sure is related to that. But when I was walking to get my grandmother milk, you know, I had an instance where somebody was trying to get me into their car, and I ran as fast as I could to a neighbor's house, you know, and this was weeks before this was weeks before the trial where I was gonna be testifying. Because by this time now, he has been like, now he's a full on suspect, because he walked into a bar and decided to drink a ton and tell some guy standing next to him that he had offed his wife and his baby girl and blah blah blah.
Keri:And that's that gentleman that was at the bar immediately called the police department. He was like, I don't know if this guy's, like, for real or not.
Marilyn:Yeah. Crazy.
Keri:Check into this guy. Because he's saying this type of stuff, and that's crazy.
Marilyn:So So when you say and I'm sorry that I didn't just catch that earlier, but when you were talking about, you know, he's pushing you down this hill or down the street on your bike and there are no brakes Yeah. You were really you were now looking back realizing that he was maybe trying to to get you out of the way.
Keri:Yeah. I think he knew. He knew that I knew. I'm also the one that knew about the keys, you know. Knew he's the only one that had the keys.
Marilyn:Wow.
Keri:I'm the one that was pushed through the window to go and open I mean, 10 times I was being pushed through the window because I needed to go in and unlock the door so the my mom and the kids could come in. You know, it was just one of those things, like and I remember being on the stand and being questioned, like, well, how do you know your mom didn't have another set of keys? I was like,
Marilyn:well I lived it.
Keri:Why would she be pushing me through the window, you know? Like Right. Think about that for a little bit, you know, like half a second. So it wasn't just for my enjoyment. It No.
Keri:We needed to get into the house.
Marilyn:And do you remember, what was going through your mind when you were taking the stand, against him? I mean, was there a lot of fear? Was there a feeling of, you know, I'm gonna make this happen? Was there conviction there for you? I mean, you're so young.
Keri:You know, I was still too young. I was still too young. I just it was an experience for me, And it was somebody just asking me questions, and I was just very honestly, as a child the pure innocence of a child, just answering the questions that are coming my way. I never felt fear of this man.
Marilyn:Okay.
Keri:From the time I mean, even though he pushed me on the bike, I still was like, yeah, whatever, you know? It oh, this bike didn't have brakes, you know? But it wasn't until much later in my adulthood even that I was revisiting certain things and being like, wow. You know? Actually
Marilyn:Yeah. Yeah. That just doesn't make sense.
Keri:Yeah. Then
Marilyn:then it does make sense.
Keri:Yeah. Exactly. And then you're just like, wow.
Marilyn:Did you when when he ultimately went to prison is he still in prison?
Keri:He I just got word not not too long ago that he has he's deceased now. But he he did breathe in prison until recently. Yeah.
Marilyn:What how does that make you feel?
Keri:He he's just he's like a blip. Know? Like Mhmm. I don't have any feelings about this person. He is the father of my biological sister.
Keri:We are we have separate fathers. And I know she's reached she, at one time in her life, has reached out to him, I think,
Marilyn:actually. This is your surviving your
Keri:surviving sister. This is my surviving sister. And I mean, she was two at the time. And I think she's on her own healing journey, and probably needed to do
Marilyn:that, but that's not me. That was some kind of closure for her.
Keri:That was maybe some closure for her, but that's her story, and I don't really know, you know, however she wants to deal with that. But he took my mother, he took my baby sister also, which was her biological sister from both sides. Mhmm. Her full true sister. But she was only two.
Keri:She has zero memory of this at all. So I think because I just I know so much. So to me, the guy is just he's a peon. You know? He's literally
Marilyn:It's so fascinating to me that the your strength is astounding. It's incredible, because you did not as big and as intense and as terrifying as those moments were for you as a child, you did not let them define you Right. No. For the rest for the rest of your life.
Keri:No. And it's it really was a day in the life of Carrie. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, it Mhmm. It this is this doesn't define me.
Keri:It did put me on this trajectory, I will say, and I think I've come to peace, and I've come to terms with, I feel, in a way, this was my mother's choices that had brought her to that end. Mhmm. And had she continued living, what really would have happened to myself and my brothers and my sisters? Because that environment that was created out of pure struggle, I will say, she is a mother, and she's trying to do things the best that she can. But it wasn't the best environment to be raising your children in either.
Keri:Right.
Marilyn:So I was So the escalation that could have come.
Keri:Correct. Correct. Who knows how my life would have would have what the trajectory of my life would have been had that not happened. Talk about perspective. The time that I was about 17 between 15 and 17, I had an entire, you know, I'd had to, like, really think about the whole thing.
Keri:And, yes, my grandparents were extremely strict. They were very religious and very I was I felt like I was in this bubble, and I was doing everything that I possibly could to make them proud and make them so glad that they took us in. And then, you know, it's just I'm doing everything that I can to for them to, like, balance out how I felt for them taking me in, and my brother and my sister. But I was the only one really doing that. My brother wasn't doing that.
Keri:My sister definitely wasn't doing that. Mhmm. You know? Because they didn't have that same, like, appreciation of how lives could have been different.
Marilyn:Do you
Keri:understand what
Marilyn:No. Well, I just think your sense of of I don't know. Even some the word accountability wants to come into to my mind. Yeah. Even though that was here, you're a child, and you're trying to adapt to this incredibly stressful situation, a house with people that you had never lived with before with all these other kids and a new school and a new neighborhood.
Marilyn:And yet somehow, you had this incredibly grown up sense about you or this this innate maturity. I don't I don't even know what the words are to describe what I'm trying to check into here, but it's like this young person with so much depth and strength to say, I can't burden them right now because the gratitude for just being here and being safe and having a future and having a chance and that my siblings were together, all of that, it's wrapped up in gratitude
Keri:too. So much gratitude. And so much gratitude and just I I was so so thankful for my grandparents taking us in. I mean, still to this day, I mean, they've now since passed. But I just to think, like, where we could have been, you
Marilyn:know? Yeah. Who knows? It's just it's it's unbelievable. I wanna talk about you have three of the most beautiful daughters inside and out.
Marilyn:I mean, happy. I've seen them. I I those smiles. And I and when I think of you, Carrie, I always think about your smiling face. I mean, when I see you, you have this joy that comes out of you, and everybody wants to be around that.
Marilyn:And you're such a beautiful wife and mother, And I wanna know how do you think this whole experience, this early childhood experience, has given you perspective as a mom?
Keri:Well, my mom wanted so badly to be a mother. She loved being a mom. She wanted so badly to stay at home with her children and to make that safe environment for her kids. And the second I became pregnant, basically, I was like, that's it. I'm gonna jump in with both feet, and this is gonna be quite the path for us because I'm gonna do it at the best of my ability.
Keri:I've always kinda kept that. I just try and keep a safe environment for my girls and keep communication open. They know they can always talk to me about anything. Yeah. I feel like, in a way, I wanted to make sure that I'm gonna be the best mom that I can be because my mom didn't get to finish being the best mom that she could have been.
Keri:Right? So it's just again, it's just the whole gratitude of my grandparents for taking us in. Just the circle of life, the way that it goes on, you know? She was able to be a good mom up until the time that she passed. Some people may have judged her and like her experiences and everything, but my mom was trying the best that she could to do that.
Keri:Unfortunately, it just ended prematurely, or maybe it ended when it needed to end. You know? I don't know how else to look at it.
Marilyn:I think that's really important to distinguish here that you you're you're incredible. Aw. That you're able to understand that there were what do you wanna call it? Flaws. There were limitations in your mom or choices that she was making that was putting herself at risk and the rest of you at risk.
Marilyn:And yet, you did feel loved by her.
Keri:Absolutely. Absolutely. There was not a day in my childhood growing up that I never felt loved. I always felt loved. And just talking to my other family members that I didn't know at the time, but knew her, or even her friends after she's passed, like, all these people just know, like, she was a great mother.
Keri:This was a woman that loved being a mother. Like, she loved to join her local church and go in with the women, do, like, Sunday brunches, and, you know, bring her grandmother's recipes and things. I mean, she's just she loved being a mom. Mhmm. And it's just, she wasn't she wasn't given, like, the best route.
Keri:She wasn't given the right blueprint to follow. Do you know what I'm saying? Mhmm. Like Mhmm. Her everything just goes back.
Keri:Right? So it's like a generational thing. And if you don't stop that generational trauma Yeah. And recognize it, and actually work at stopping it, it's just gonna continue. So, like, her mother was married at 16 because she thought she knew everything, you know, and then Right.
Keri:Went on to have a lot of children with a very abusive man, you know. It's like she grew up seeing her mom struggle, and, you know, it's just it it it's like, instead, you need to break the cycle.
Marilyn:Yeah. And I was just gonna say trauma. And you did it. You did it. How do why do you trauma.
Marilyn:And why do you think what is it? Is there something you can point to for someone who's listening out there who's saying, I wanna break that chain. I don't wanna repeat what's been done. Was there something that you just innately knew, I am never ever doing this to my kids, or I'm not gonna put myself in this position? Or did you feel that that just naturally evolved for you as you became a mother?
Marilyn:Did you have the the foresight and sort of the conviction to decide ahead of time, or was this something that that as you evolved, you just kept making the the the right choices?
Keri:Yeah. I feel like from a very early age, kind of even prior to my mother's death, I was an extremely observant child. Very observant. I like to watch people and just see how they did things. And I think it went on through the rest of my life.
Keri:I would I was surrounded by people who were making really good choices with their lives, and people that were making disastrous choices with their lives.
Marilyn:K.
Keri:And I would just sit and watch the consequences. What's happening to these people? Well, what's happening to these people? Woah. Woah.
Keri:You know, I don't need to after a while, it's it's like common sense, you know. I don't need to fall flat on my face to know that's not the route I need to go down. Instead, I'm watching how other people are able to get things done and, you know, like, I just was like, can I just I I'm gonna go that route?
Marilyn:Yeah. Yeah. Know with your daughters having the access to you with whatever they wanna share and whatever they wanna talk about. I mean, it's just that it's just such a key to
Keri:that Mhmm.
Marilyn:That flow. Do you talk to them about what happened when you were eight, and how does that come up once in a while or more than once
Keri:in know the story. Yeah. They all know the story. You know? Well, where's your where's my grandma from your side?
Keri:You know, I mean, these these stories come out, you know. And for the most part, my my daughters are extremely protected when it comes to who on any side of my family who has a relationship with them. They don't really know too many people in my family, if I'm gonna be truthfully honest. I have shielded them from a lot because so many family members are continually making decisions that are keeping them within a cycle. Mhmm.
Keri:And they have yet to recognize to break that. And because of that, my kids don't they don't even know. They don't even know so and so. They don't know any of these people because I shield them. And the ones that they do know is because I know that they're a safe person Mhmm.
Marilyn:That I can Or there's growth there's growth Yes.
Keri:There's growth there. There's growth there, and I know that they are a safe person to have around my child. I think I think so many parents really need to just know I don't trust anybody, actually. I don't trust anybody around my Sure. Especially when they were little.
Keri:I didn't care. It takes one crazy little incident to happen, and it can affect a child forever. So I don't trust anybody, you know. So
Marilyn:if And you have that
Keri:in to go camping or they wanted to, go to a sleepaway camp or something, and they were gonna be gone for a week or what no. No. I just I don't do it. Hey, guess what? Mom's taking you camping.
Keri:Let's go. I'm in the tent with you. We're hanging out.
Marilyn:Right. But
Keri:I'm not I'm I'm personally, and for any mother that does want to do it and send their child away to these long three month away camps, I am not judging at all. I'm just saying that, like, I just do things differently because of the experiences that I've had in my own life. To me, the risk and reward is not worth it.
Marilyn:No. And your discernment, your incredible discernment has obviously led you down the right path.
Keri:Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Thank you.
Marilyn:Yeah. Because it's evident in in you, in your confidence, in your children, in their beautiful journeys. Yeah. Thank you. Doing great.
Marilyn:They are doing great. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're doing great. How what would you say to someone listening who's carrying a very deep wound?
Marilyn:Well, you have
Keri:the choice to carry that wound, and you have the choice to let it go. Right? So my advice would be not carry the wound, you know? That wound is not defining you. I mean, that just is applicable to what it is that I went through.
Keri:So I can't really say with other people. I mean, I feel personally, there's so many other stories out there that even when you had asked me to do this, I was like, well, there's so many other stories out there that are way crazier than mine. You know? Like, I just feel like that was something that happened in my past, but it was a day. It was like an hour or whatever, you know.
Keri:But so many more hours have passed since then. And I've been so thankful and grateful for every hour that's passed since then. So that was an event that happened, and put me on this trajectory. But you learn from it, and see what kind of, like, lessons can come out of it, and then move on. You grow.
Keri:You just move on. I don't I don't like to suffer in, like like, a pity state either, you know? But there are I know there are people that cannot let certain things go.
Marilyn:Mhmm. And Do you have advice
Keri:about
Marilyn:My
Keri:heart goes out to them. I I I wouldn't know as far as advice. I mean, I would just all all I can say is you gotta let
Marilyn:it go. Mhmm. For now. And I think for people, and I don't know if there is an answer here because you're just just your understanding that that's possible to drop that wound Yeah. And move on, move forward, and stay in the gratitude.
Marilyn:Yeah. I think and when you're saying about there's so many other crazy stories out there, but I think the the point of this is I do think people become so defined at times by their experiences, their early experiences, and they have a hard time getting out of that cycle. Yeah. You've been able to do that, and I think that's what makes this story so extraordinary because you're talking about this. You have to drop that wound.
Marilyn:And I think if there's anything you could tell us about how to do that, how do you do you do you sit in it? I I think about you sharing this story, and you said you kind of did your own therapy by sharing the story. Do you think talking and getting it out, actually physically speaking it and getting it out of your body and and putting it out there to somebody who can listen with open ears, who can Absolutely. Stay in some kind of, you know, state of compassion so you feel held and you feel safe. And it seems to me that you have a good intuition about where to take that story to.
Keri:Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. And anyone who does have that type of trauma or that type of wound that they're carrying, I would say definitely talk about it. Talk about it, but find a safe space to talk about it.
Keri:Right? Like, you need to find somebody who is actually gonna be open to listening to what it is that you have to say. If that means that this is a person that you're paying them, sure. If it means that it is a close friend that you feel really safe with, do that. If it's a relative that you feel really safe around, but the main thing is find your safety.
Keri:Find somebody that you feel safe sharing these things with, and then bounce it off them. How would, you know, maybe how would they have done it? Or and then go on to the next person that you feel safe with. I mean, that's just that's my own personal experience of how I did it. And I found a lot of the people that I talked to just were very compassionate, very empathetic, helped me see things from different angles.
Keri:And it just it was it was very helpful for me.
Marilyn:And you feel that now being out in nature? Absolutely. What yeah. What fills your soul today?
Keri:Oh my goodness. I love the beach. Beaches, like your toes in the sand, a walk out in nature, just really to feel yourself grounded, and a lot of times just barefoot. You know, I like that. I like to be barefoot and just kinda feel the earth, and it just feels like there's just so much more than the busyness that is happening everywhere.
Keri:And you just really kinda have to connect to that sometimes, and just your angels are taking care of you. The earth, you know, you're able to breathe and have air in your lungs, you know.
Marilyn:It's all a beautiful thing. If people could take away one thing from your story today, what would you like it to be?
Keri:Events don't define you. You know? A childhood event does not define who you are and who you're meant to be. Just keep keep one foot in front of the other and just keep going. And love.
Keri:Love deeply. Let everybody know who it is. You know, when when you're when you love somebody, just let them know you love somebody. Be there for the people that you love too, you know. And let them be there for you.
Keri:You you wanna be the safe space for someone else also to get it off of them. Yeah. I liked that about you too, you know? When you were telling me your story, it made me feel like, oh, this is awesome because I feel like I'm able to give her a safe space too. You know?
Marilyn:Well, and you certainly did that for me. And I I love that we could have that exchange. Yeah. Did. Oh, absolutely.
Marilyn:And I think, you know, when you go through hard times, you know, my hardest times came for me as a 40 year old diagnosed with cancer with two young kids, seven and four, and thinking I was I was potentially going to lose my life, and at one point coming very close with a life threatening, blood clot, clots to the lungs. And and, you know, it's interesting even in that moment. You know, you're not thinking about should've worked harder, should've had my career go this way or that way. You know, you're thinking about Mhmm. For me, I was thinking about those kids.
Marilyn:Okay.
Keri:Your family.
Marilyn:Not not wanting to orphan those children.
Keri:Absolutely.
Marilyn:That mother bond Mhmm. Really, really keeps you going. And so hearing you today talking about the the presence that you show your girls and the the flow of ideas and connection and thoughts and feelings, nothing's off limits
Keri:Mhmm.
Marilyn:Just reinforces for me, you know, that that doing that with my own children too has really created a bond that is unbreakable, unshakable. And so I just thank you for identifying that again today because that's that's where I can relate. Yeah. And, there is certainly an incredible strength about you and an incredible this fortitude of, moving through moving through. And you're not denying what happened, And that's the thing.
Marilyn:That's beautiful too. You're not just shedding that. You're it's Nope. It's real. You acknowledge it.
Marilyn:You're present with it. You've worked through it. Uh-huh. And you're you're saying, I'm choosing life. So thank you so Yeah.
Marilyn:I very much. I really you. Enjoyed being with you today.
Keri:I enjoyed this too.
Marilyn:That was Carrie Chen. I am just blown away by her ability to move through all that pain, that childhood pain, and be able to be intentional about choosing to create a healthy family for herself. And I wanna bring Morgan in. Morgan's my producer. Morgan, were you struck by that the way it struck me?
Morgan:Hey, Marilyn. Oh my goodness. What I love is seeing how Carrie processed her story through sharing it with others. She might not have been able to access conventional therapy, but through releasing that shame and just letting people hold space for her experience, she's pursued healing.
Marilyn:Yeah. And she did it as a kid. It it was almost intuitive for her, I think, too. She said that she was so outgoing and and and was was chatty, and she said that kinda helped her get it out and that she repeated it enough to, I think, heal herself on on so many levels.
Morgan:And exactly like you said, I think her intuition shines through because a lot of us need to be taught that lesson or share that lesson in our families. It kind of reminds me of how you've talked about holding space for your kids in your journey.
Marilyn:Yeah. I was diagnosed with cancer, breast cancer at the age of 40. My kids were seven and four. And, a mentor of mine talked about being their worry holder and that, I would need my own worry holder. And what a worry holder is is, somebody who you can really share your concerns with, your worries.
Marilyn:And it's not about burdening the other person. It's about the other person helping to lighten your load. And I knew for for that journey, with two young children seeing their mom sick, they were gonna need to feel that they had a safe place in us to come with whatever was on their minds. And so we used to tell them never worry alone. And I can tell you now that they're 18 and and 22 or 19 and 22 now, they they still come to us when they they need to talk about something.
Marilyn:So I know that has been a good practice in our family, and it seems like it's working very, very well for Carrie.
Morgan:Absolutely. I I did love how she mentioned that with her kids, nothing's off the table. The channels are open. And to me, that's how I'm witnessing her breaking these cycles.
Marilyn:Yeah. Yeah. And that's the thing. Breaking the cycles of that generational pain. She's doing it differently, and she chose to do that.
Marilyn:And she's actually doing it.
Keri:It's amazing.
Marilyn:It's incredible. Thanks, Morgan. And thanks to all of you for listening. This has been chasing happy made possible by The Comfy, wearable blankets that make life happier. Find out for yourself with 20% off your first order.
Marilyn:Just use the code chasing happy when you check out at the comfy.com. The comfy, relax like you mean it. This has been chasing happy. I'm Marilyn Giedis Byrne. Thank you for joining us.
Marilyn:Wishing you all strength for the chase, connection in the darkness, and gratitude for the light. See you next time.