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A podcast that spotlights the women reshaping the hospitality industry, breaking barriers, and carving their paths in the ever-evolving world of restaurants, food, and community.
Sara Abernethy (00:37)
Today's conversation is with the amazing Inez Ribustello of Tarboro, North Carolina. You will hear me affectionately refer to her as Inie throughout. If you don't know her, it is my pleasure to introduce you to her. Inie is an established restaurateur, a published author, a certified wine expert, brewery boss, mom, wife, fellow Tar Heel, fellow empath.
I again, I see so much of myself in this person. And when you are in an ownership role across any industry, when you can find someone who feels like you, it's just really amazing. Currently, Inie is the director of hospitality for the amazing Frankie Lemon Foundation, directly supporting the Frankie Lemon School here in Raleigh, North Carolina. This is an amazing institution.
that offers an inclusive environment for children of varying special needs. They offer every single student a sense of belonging, friendship, and opportunity to reach their full potential. And they also know how to throw an epic party. I always say no one throws a party like Frankie Lemon. So in this conversation, we talk about Inie's decision to have the courage to take.
very rarely celebrated leap from business owner back to W2 employee and it transformed her life. So if you are in the depths of despair, grappling with your identity in any capacity or even considering taking an alternative path outside of business ownership, because don't lie we have all entertained this train of thought multiple times, this conversation is for you. So please enjoy my chat with Inez Ribustello.
Sara Abernethy (02:35)
as a writer because you write all the time and it just seems like it, first of all, you're so.
Inie (02:34)
you as a writer because you write all the time and it just seems like it, first of all, you're so
Sara Abernethy (02:41)
You're such a beautiful writer and second of all, you're making it happen and putting things out there and I just think that's really lovely of you.
Inie (02:41)
You're such a beautiful writer and second of all you're making it happen and putting things out there and I just think that's really lovely of you.
Sara Abernethy (02:50)
This is where I want to start. connected us on Facebook. Kitty. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. But I feel like I attacked you on Facebook messenger and was like, oh my God, be my friend. And no, Kitty was like, if you're into wine, there is somebody in the community that you should meet. And it was you. And then we discovered that
Inie (02:50)
This is where I want to start. who connected us on Facebook. Kitty. Kitty. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. But I feel like I attacked you on Facebook messenger and was like, oh my God, my friend. And no, Kitty was like, if you're into wine, there is somebody in the community that you should meet. And it was you. And then we discovered that
Sara Abernethy (03:13)
I am you. I am you just a few years
Inie (03:13)
I am you. I am you. Just a few.
behind you. More than a few, but I'll take No, no, a few years behind you and that is why I read your memoir.
Sara Abernethy (03:16)
behind you. More than a few, but I'll take no, no, a few years behind you. And that is why I read your memoir, Life After Windows, probably once a year, I need cover to cover. And so does my mother, read this book because I like see so much of myself in you this UNC grad who goes to New York City to like take on the
Inie (03:24)
Life After Windows, probably once a year Inie cover to cover, and so does my mother, We read this book because I see so much of myself in you, this UNC grad who goes to New York City to take on the
big world living in an apartment with your girlfriends. then you just stumble upon this, I mean, you had gone there to go to culinary school, but you just stumbled upon this path in wine and then went to California.
Sara Abernethy (03:38)
big living in an apartment with your girlfriends and then you just stumble upon this. I mean, you had gone there to go to culinary school, but you just sort of stumbled upon this path in wine and then went to California and
Inie (03:52)
and then came back and married a man and opened a restaurant with that man that you still speak to. Yes. With such
Sara Abernethy (03:52)
then came back and married a man and opened a restaurant with that man that you still speak to. Yes. With such.
Inie (03:59)
kindness. Such kindness. And that restaurant, for those who don't know, Inie is on the square in Tarboro, which is still rocking and rolling.
Sara Abernethy (04:00)
Such kindness. And that restaurant, for those who don't know, I need is on the square in Tarboro, which is still rocking and rolling
for three years. Twenty twenty three years. Twenty four in October. That's insane. I know. Yeah, it's insane. then also where I really relate to I need. Was.
Inie (04:10)
for 23 years. 23 years. 24 in October. That's insane. I know. Yeah, it's insane. But then also where I really relate to Inie
was
there was a moment in her trajectory as a restaurateur where she was like, I can't do this with the love of my life any longer in partnership. Something must change. And that's when you pursued Tarboro Brewing Company. And how long were you at the helm?
Sara Abernethy (04:21)
There was a moment in her trajectory as a restaurateur where she was like, I can't do this with the love of my life any longer in partnership. Something must change. And that's when you pursued Tar Barber and Company. And how long were you at the helm
of the brewery? Well, so interesting fact, today is our 10th anniversary of opening actual brewing space.
Inie (04:38)
The brewery. Well, so interesting fact today is our 10th anniversary of brewing space.
It's so exciting. feels so surreal. But I led it from 2016.
Sara Abernethy (04:47)
That's so exciting. It feels so surreal. But I led it from 2016 to
Inie (04:54)
to the end of 2023. So what is that? Seven years? seven years. Yeah, that's a second grader. You know? Yes. And the big reason I'm strong-armed, Inie, into joining me on her seat at the table is because what I really want to dig into about is your decision.
Sara Abernethy (04:54)
the end of 2023. So what is that? Seven years? Yeah, seven years. Yeah, that's a second grader. know? Yes. And the big reason I've strong armed I need into joining me on her seat at the table is because what I really want to dig into about is your decision to retire.
Inie (05:14)
to retire
from restaurant ownership and operatorship and go back into being an employee where you are now the Director of Hospitality for the wonderful Frankie Lemmon Foundation. Yes. Yeah. And then you just said nobody talks about that. And I'm like, what do mean nobody talks about that? I think that's the most delicious question. Yeah. I mean, firstly, you and I have gone back since COVID 2020 is when we met. That's when we met. And you were the one.
Sara Abernethy (05:16)
from restaurant ownership and operatorship and go back into being an employee where you are now the director of hospitality for the wonderful Frankie Lemmon Foundation. Yes. Yeah. And then you just said nobody talks about that. And I'm like, what do mean nobody talks about that? I think that's the most delicious question. Yeah. I mean, firstly, you and I have gone back since COVID 2020 is when we met. That's when we met. Yes. And you were the one
who you and my friend Kate Boyette told me about Fab.
Inie (05:42)
You and my friend Kate Boyette told me about Fab.
And so I've gotten the opportunity to go there twice. Where going? In June? 10 years. I have a son graduating that weekend from high school, probably not.
Sara Abernethy (05:45)
And so I've gotten the opportunity to go there twice. Are you going in June? 10 years. I have a son graduating that week. ⁓ so from high school. So probably not.
So the truth is ⁓ I never in a million years expected to do something outside of
Inie (05:56)
so the truth is I never in a million years expected to do something outside of
Sara Abernethy (06:07)
the owner operator. And doesn't it feel like you ascend to a new level and you can't unsee what you see as an owner? Right. You can't. You just can't.
Inie (06:07)
the owner operator. And doesn't it feel like you like ascend to a new level and you, you can't unsee what you see. Right. As an owner. Right. You can't. You can't. just can't.
Sara Abernethy (06:19)
The experiences are too deep and so vast. So vast. for me, there's this constant undercurrent of
Inie (06:19)
The experiences are too deep and so vast. So vast. And for me, there's this constant undercurrent of
Sara Abernethy (06:31)
what if I fail and I have to close this whole thing down and I'll be so ashamed? Right, for sure. And honestly, you know, at the end of 2023 for the brewery, I had raised
Inie (06:32)
what if I fail and I have to close this whole thing down and I'll be so ashamed? Right, for sure. And honestly, know, at the end of 2023 for the brewery, I had raised
almost as much money as I raised trying to get it off the ground. Amazing. And I, well, I couldn't seem to stop the bleeding and I...
Sara Abernethy (06:48)
almost as much money as I raised trying to get it off the ground. Amazing. I well, I couldn't seem to stop the bleeding. And I
was not sleeping. And you had a daughter who was a sophomore in college and a son who was a sophomore in high school. And I was depleted and really knew in my heart that I loved that brewery so much.
Inie (07:01)
was not sleeping and you had a daughter who was a sophomore in college and a son who was a sophomore in high school and I was depleted and really knew in my heart that I loved that brewery so much
that all I wanted to do was make it work and I didn't have to be attached to it to make it work.
Sara Abernethy (07:18)
that all I wanted to do was make it work. And I didn't have to be attached to it to make it work.
And so I literally started calling the board members and they were all, you know what, you've given it a real go. Like this isn't unusual. This isn't unusual for the president to step down after seven years and.
Inie (07:24)
And so I literally started calling the board members and they were all, you know what, you've given it a real go. Like this isn't unusual. You know, this isn't unusual for the president to step down after seven years. And
you know, there were, there was no plan in place for me. I mean, I was, you know, I'm a hugger. So was like, maybe I'll go be the greeter at the Walmart.
Sara Abernethy (07:44)
There was no plan in place for me. I'm a hugger, so was like, I'll go be the greeter at the Walmart
or the public school system and just greet people and figure out how to make that, pay the bills. But had no plan in place. truly, because the universe is so wild, I got a DM.
Inie (07:51)
public school system and just, you know, greet people and figure out how to make that, you know, pay the bills, but had no plan in place. And...
Truly, because the universe is so wild, I got a DM
from somebody who grew up in Tarboro, but I knew him but did not know him well, he was older, and he said in the DM, would you entertain a phone call from me? I just hope you won't say no immediately. Pause. Pause. Okay. First of all, I've said this to you before in person, but...
Sara Abernethy (08:08)
So crazy. know, from somebody who grew up in Tarboro, but I knew him, but did not know him well. He was older. And he said in the DM, would you entertain a phone call from me? I just hope you won't say no immediately. Pause. Pause. OK. First of all, I've said this to you before in person. But
did literally shed blood, sweat, tears, trying to keep it going. And nobody else probably would have stewarded it better in that way, truly, with as much passion and commitment as you did. And I hope you're proud of that in a way. I say this.
Inie (08:29)
you did literally shed blood, sweat, trying to keep it going. And nobody else probably would have stewarded it better in that way, truly, with as much passion and commitment as you did. And I hope you're proud of that in a way. I say this
Sara Abernethy (08:50)
as someone who also has looked at a bleeding PNL over and over and over and over and been like, it's me, it's my fault, I'm the worst. then to have the self-awareness and the wisdom, the deep wisdom to say, I don't have to be in charge for this to be successful is very rare. That's very special.
Inie (08:50)
as someone who also has looked at a bleeding PNL over and over and over and over and been like, it's me, it's my fault, I'm the worst. And then to have the self-awareness and the wisdom, the deep wisdom to say, I don't have to be in charge for this to be successful is very rare.
That's very special.
I don't know if you feel that way, but I do not know many people who have the integrity and the courage to do that. You make me feel very good. Thank you. It's true. Thank you. It's true. then it was like, when you made that decision, to be like, okay, I'm going to...
Sara Abernethy (09:16)
I don't know if you feel that way, but I do not know many people who have the integrity and the courage to do that. You make me feel very good. Thank you. It's true. Thank you. It's true. it was like when you made that decision, be like, OK, I'm going to.
Not you know, I'm going to try and figure out an alternative path.
Inie (09:33)
not, you know, I'm going to try and figure out an alternative path.
Did you feel like, did you feel relief? So at first I didn't, I don't even know if I had anything to feel. Yeah, I get you're dead inside. There was not relief at first. It came eventually, but it did not come in that moment of saying,
Sara Abernethy (09:37)
Did you feel like, did you feel relief? So at first, I didn't, I don't even know if I had anything to feel. Yeah, I get you're dead inside. There was not relief at first. It came. Eventually. But it did not come in that moment of saying,
I'm gonna pass on. I'll tell you just a funny like.
Inie (10:00)
I'll tell you just a funny like
story of where you know, you made the right choice. So, ⁓ know, so the DM came and I thought this guy was going to ask me for a donation and I'm like, don't have any more donations. But he says, we have this job that has your name written all over it. Will you come and will you meet with our executive director who
Sara Abernethy (10:04)
story of where you know you made the right choice. DM came and I thought this guy was gonna ask me for a donation. To Frankie Lemmon. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he says, we have this job that has your name written all over it, will you come and will you meet with our executive director who,
she's from Rocky Mount.
Inie (10:29)
she's from Rocky Mount
and we knew each other growing up but I had not seen her since 1994 when I graduated from high school or thereabouts. So anyway, all of a sudden things start moving super fast. My husband was in shock. He's like, somebody's offering you a job. You're like.
Sara Abernethy (10:30)
and we knew each other growing up, but I had not seen her since 1994 when I graduated from high school or thereabouts. So anyway, all of a sudden things start moving super fast. My husband was in shock. He's like, somebody's offering you a job. You're like
47 years old and like, this you haven't been an employee in a long time. Long time. And so we were both blown away. Like we were like, are we getting punked? know, this whole thing. So it starts moving fast.
Inie (10:47)
Seven years old and like this and you haven't been an employee in yeah a long time long time And so we were both blown away like we were like, are we getting punked? Yeah So it starts moving fast.
That's when the board is like, we're not sure we want you to leave right like Everything is of course. I think as a as women we feel responsible So I am thinking I've got to get somebody on board to replace me. Anyway, I know every every ecosystem around you
Sara Abernethy (11:00)
That's when the board is like, we're not sure we want you to leave, right? Like everything is, and of course, I think as women, we feel responsible. So I am thinking I've got to get somebody on board to replace me. I know how. Every ecosystem around you,
you're like, how can I do everything I can to support this and hold this up? I've got to take care of us. I've got to take care of everybody. So I finally made the decision. I'm going to go work for Frankie Lemmon.
Inie (11:17)
You're like, how can I do everything I can to support this and hold this up? I've got to take care of us. I've got to care of everybody. So I finally made the decision. I'm going to go work for Frankie Lemmon.
And that Saturday, we had a beer festival in the Outer Banks. It's a huge one. ⁓ Brutog.
Sara Abernethy (11:29)
my god. Saturday, we had a beer festival in the Outer Banks. It's a huge one. ⁓ Brew talk.
had the sexy canoe van. Yes. filled with I would say 19 kegs. Yeah, I've loaded them up myself again, 47 years old. I am not what the brewer person looks like. huh. And
Inie (11:37)
I had the sexy canoe van filled with, I would say 19 kegs. I loaded them up myself. Again, 47 years old. I am not what the brewer person looks like. And
the back left tire blew out on the two lane bridge over Alligator River going to Outer Banks.
Sara Abernethy (11:52)
the back left tire blew out on the Tulane Bridge over Alligator River going to Outer Banks. And
I'm sitting there and traffic, was terrifying. Like people were passing, was terrifying. took two and a half hours to get the tow truck there. And I sat there and I just thought if there has ever been a sign that I am doing the right thing,
Inie (12:01)
Sitting there and traffic it was terrifying like people were passing it was it was terrifying it took two and a half hours to get the tow truck there and I there and I Just thought if there has ever been a sign that I am doing the right thing
Like there is no denying this there's no denying this
Sara Abernethy (12:22)
Like, there is no denying this. There's no denying this.
And it sucked. Yeah. And I got there late and you know, the whole thing was just a disaster. surprised you didn't jump off the bridge. was like, I can't believe this is happening. that was when I knew. ⁓ huh. And then.
Inie (12:27)
And it sucked. Yeah. And I got there late and you know, the whole thing was just a disaster. I'm surprised you didn't jump off the bridge. I was like, can't believe this happened. that was when I knew. ⁓ huh. And then, ⁓
you started and then January happened and I was still doing like reconciliation for the brewery tax returns. And it was really stressful. And then.
Sara Abernethy (12:46)
New started and then January happened and I was still doing like reconciliation for the brewery, tax returns, and it was really stressful. And then
I think it was that spring where I was able to pull out where I felt like I hadn't left anybody high and dry. You you and I know, the truth is people leave companies all the time and they do not continue.
Inie (12:57)
think it was that spring where I was able to pull out where I felt like I hadn't left anybody high and You you and I know, the truth is, people leave companies all the time and they do not continue
to do work, but that's not our personalities. And... Also, the brewery was such, it was so much more. Yeah.
Sara Abernethy (13:15)
to do work, but that's not our personalities. And also the brewery was such, it was so much more to
Inie (13:24)
to you than a job. was a community pillar that you built tooth and nail. and you wanted to continue on. So of course you wouldn't want to do everything you can to tie it up neatly. Yes. And so there, think it took probably six months from when I left or
Sara Abernethy (13:24)
you than a job. was a community pillar that you built, tooth and nail. you want it to continue on. So of course you wouldn't want to do everything you can to tie it up neatly. And so there, think it took probably six months from when I left or
or when I made the decision to leave to really feel like relief. You complete.
Inie (13:43)
when I made the decision to leave to really feel like you were complete. Yep.
I know you are out there, ladies, people who are thinking, ⁓ my f****** God, ownership is so hard and so painful and I can't imagine doing anything else, but this road is so unstable.
Sara Abernethy (13:50)
know you are out there, ladies, people who are thinking, oh my fucking God, ownership is so hard and so painful and I can't imagine doing anything else, but this road is so unstable.
Inie (14:06)
And then you think about, I gonna have to go back and get a job? And we think about that as like a worst case scenario.
Sara Abernethy (14:06)
And then you think about, I gonna have to go back and get a job? And we think about that as like a worst case scenario.
But for you, to have restarted your whole life over. Like it seems to have brought the light back into your eyes. And truly, truly part of that I think has to do with the fact that it is a fabulous job.
Inie (14:15)
But for you, it seems to have restarted your whole life over. Like it seems to have brought the light back into your eyes. And truly, truly part of that I think has to do with the fact that it is a fabulous job.
Sara Abernethy (14:33)
And it's so fun, but you are the perfect person for that. How long has it been? Two years? Three years. Three years? Yeah, it's crazy. So how do you feel like this last year? Because I do, like the first year in a role, I feel like you're just trying to figure it out. The second year in a role, you're like, OK, have some context under me. And then the third year, you're really grooving. Do you feel that way? Well, I'll never be grooving. I'm not a griever. I'm never in the groove.
Inie (14:33)
And it's so fun, but you are the perfect person for that. How long's it been? Two years? Three years. Three years? Yeah, it's crazy. So how do you feel like this last year? Because I do, like the first year in a role, I feel like you're just trying to figure it out. The second year in a role, you're like, OK, have some context under me. And then the third year, you're really grooving. Do you feel that way? Well, I'll never be grooving.
I'm not a groover, I'm never in the groove.
I'm always on off-roading. Yeah, for sure this year has been like...
Sara Abernethy (15:03)
I'm always on off-roading. ⁓ Yeah, for sure this year has been like...
I know what I'm doing. Yeah, ⁓ our team is really great. There are eight of us and seven of us are women. that the whole Frankie Lemmon Foundation? Foundation, yes. Yeah, or eight, okay. And I love our fearless leader, executive director, Marsha Hargit. She's like so inspiring to me.
Inie (15:16)
doing. Yeah. I think firstly, ⁓ our team is really great. There are eight of us and seven of us are women. Is that the whole Frankie Lemmon Foundation? Foundation. Yes. Okay. And I love our fearless leader, Executive Director, Marsha Hargit. She's like so inspiring to me. And
Sara Abernethy (15:37)
the mission is so clear of what we're doing. And I will say.
Inie (15:37)
The mission is so clear of what we're doing and I will say,
I think we as women are placed here to lift up other women and to be in a role where I can be a massive cheerleader, I've never been happier.
Sara Abernethy (15:45)
I think we as women are placed here to lift up other women. And to be in a role where I can be a massive cheerleader, I've never been happier.
I think it's your zone of genius. I love it. Yeah. I love it. Is to be in a cheerleading, but sort of still coordinating magic-making experiences position. Yeah.
Inie (15:59)
I think it's your zone of genius. I love it. Yeah. I love it. Is to be in a cheerleading, but sort of still coordinating magic making experiences position.
Yeah,
it's so it's just that's what fills me up. I love that What for you for those who are not familiar with Frankie Lemmon What is the mission? you talk about that? Yes, so This we are in our 61st year the school is in its 61st year. It was Serving children with special needs before it was mandated by federal law. That's pretty revolutionary Started right here in Raleigh in the bottom of Hudson Presbyterian Church and moved to Hayes Barton is now in a free standing building
Sara Abernethy (16:12)
It's so, it's just, that's what fills me up. I love that. What, for you, for those who are not familiar with Frankie Lemmon, what is the mission? Can you talk about that? Yeah, so this, we're in our 61st year, the school is in its 61st year. It was serving children with special needs before it was mandated by federal law. That's pretty revolutionary. Started right here in Raleigh in the bottom of Hudson Presbyterian Church, then moved to Hayes Barton.
now in a freestanding
school serves children with and it's an inclusive school. Just piloted third grade. It's pretty special. one of my dearest friends, her daughter was there when it was at the basement of Hayes Barton.
Inie (16:42)
The school serves children with special needs with and it's an inclusive school Just piloted third grade. It's pretty special my one of my dearest friends her daughter was there when it was at the basement of Hayes Barton
Sara Abernethy (16:56)
and we're getting ready to embark on a capital campaign. Ooh. expand
Inie (16:56)
and We're getting ready to embark on a capital campaign
Sara Abernethy (17:01)
and go into two new buildings. exciting. Go up to fifth and then eighth and then eventually life skills. Wow. knowing that I think growth is important for all of us and to be involved in something that we're actively working to grow obviously gives me.
Inie (17:01)
two new buildings, go up to fifth and then eighth and then eventually life skills. you know, knowing that I think growth is important for all of us and to be involved in something that we're actively working to grow obviously gives, it gives me
Sara Abernethy (17:21)
so much purpose, but also most people. So ⁓ yeah, so it's a school
Inie (17:21)
so much purpose, but also most people so much purpose. Yeah, so it's a school.
in the triangle where families can send their children at no charge.
Sara Abernethy (17:28)
in the triangle where families can send their children at no charge to receive all of the therapies and resources that their children deserve and need. so it's really special. think it started with maybe three or four students and it's now we almost serve 100 kids. Amazing.
Inie (17:34)
to receive all of the therapies and resources that their children deserve and need. And so it's really special. think it started with maybe three or four students and it's now we almost serve a hundred kids. Amazing. Yeah.
Sara Abernethy (17:48)
I didn't realize it went through third grade either. That's amazing. past year is the first year we pilot. So we keep piloting. And so this year we piloted third grade. Oh, that's so fabulous. The other thing I will say is that nobody
Inie (17:48)
I didn't realize it went through third grade either. That's amazing. Past years, the first year we piled. we keep piloting and this year we piloted third grade. That's so fabulous. The other thing I will say is that nobody
puts the fun in fundraising the way that you guys do. I really mean that. So the big event of the year for you is Triangle Wine and Food Experience. Is that fair to say? Very, yeah. Which is always
Sara Abernethy (18:02)
the fun in fundraising the way that you guys do. I really mean So the big event of the year for you is Triangle Wine and Food Experience. Is that fair to say? Very. Which is always
Inie (18:13)
like the last week of January, first week of February, sort of when we're, we've come down from the holidays, but it's not yet Valentine's Day, and also restaurants are like, please, please go, dine with us. Exactly, help, help.
Sara Abernethy (18:13)
like the last week of January, first week of February, sort of when we're, we've come down from the holidays, but it's not yet Valentine's Day, and also restaurants are like, please, please, come, die with us. Exactly, help,
Inie (18:28)
How was it this year? I mean, it's always insane. So ⁓ it was, it was great because our team, all of us are like in the groove. and it's, such a great team,
Sara Abernethy (18:28)
was it this year? I mean, it's always insane, I'm So it was great because our team, all of us are like in the groove, and it's such a great team. ⁓
Inie (18:40)
but we start, we've started preparing so much earlier that even though we were handicapped with the snow and the ice that came and
Sara Abernethy (18:40)
But we've started preparing so much earlier that even though we were handicapped with the snow and the ice that came and
everybody's like, my gosh, are we gonna do this? And as Marcia said, we've never canceled and we never planned to got people flying in. There's just too much. so the weather starting the week and people...
Inie (18:49)
Everybody's like, my gosh, are we gonna do this? And as Marcia said, we've never canceled and we never plan to cancel, we've got people flying in. You know, there's just too much. so, despite the weather starting the week and people...
Sara Abernethy (19:04)
very nervous about getting product in, rightfully so. It was a great This community, support it in so many ways, not just the donors and the sponsors, but the restaurants. The restaurants and of course the people flying in from the wineries and the chefs who fly in. It's just inspiring to see how deeply people care.
Inie (19:04)
very nervous about getting product in, know, rightfully so. It was a great weekend. this community, they support it in so many ways, not just the donors and the sponsors, but the restaurants. mean, the restaurants and of course, people flying in from the wineries and the chefs who fly in. I mean, it's inspiring to see how deeply people care. And I...
Sara Abernethy (19:31)
love that you say put the fun in fundraising. It's so fun. fun. And the fact that the Friday morning is spent at the school where people can see why what they're doing matters is just it's it's a home run.
Inie (19:31)
love that you say put the fun in fundraising. It's so fun. So fun. And the fact that the Friday morning is spent at the school where people can see why what they're doing matters is just, it's a home run.
Sara Abernethy (19:51)
Originally,
Inie (19:50)
it was originally
Sara Abernethy (19:51)
it was called
Inie (19:51)
it was called
TWE, Triangle Wine Experience. And the way I've heard it was like in a backyard party with like cheese crackers and wine. And it has grown to become a $3 million fundraiser. mean, it raises half of our annual operating budget.
Sara Abernethy (19:52)
TWE, Triangle Wine Experience. And the way I've heard it was like in a backyard party with like cheese crackers and wine. And it has grown to become a $3 million fundraiser. mean, it raises half of our annual operating budget
for the school. Amazing. And how many restaurants participated this year? 35. Yeah. So there's 35 events around this week. And then six in-home dinners.
Inie (20:09)
school. Amazing. How many restaurants participated this year? 35. Yeah, so there's 35 events around this week. And then six in-home dinners.
Okay. And so, you know, a little over 40. In one week? On one day. On Thursday night. Oh, I didn't even realize that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So all those dinners happen on the Thursday night. Oh my god. And then I know you have... There's a fête soirée on Friday, and then there's a
Sara Abernethy (20:20)
Okay. And so, you know, a little over 40 in one week, in one week on one day on Thursday night. ⁓ I didn't even realize that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So all those dinners happen on the Thursday night. ⁓ my God. And then I know you have Saturday. There's a FET, a soiree on Friday, and then there's a ⁓
gala on Saturday afternoon, which I think is so cool. Dardy. Who doesn't love a Dardy? I know a matinee. Give me a matinee. It's just so smart.
Inie (20:39)
gala on Saturday afternoon, which I think is so cool.
Who doesn't love a Dari? I know, a matinee. Give me a matinee. It's just so smart.
from a restaurant perspective, we want to be asked to participate in this event. Transparently, it feels a little bit like a cool kid status pat on the back when you get asked to participate in Triangle.
Sara Abernethy (20:49)
from a restaurant perspective, we want to be asked to participate in this event. it feels a little bit like a cool kid status pat on the back when you get asked to participate in Triangle
Inie (21:06)
wine
Sara Abernethy (21:06)
Wine and Food. love that, I love that. I love that people think that, you know, it's,
Inie (21:06)
and food. love that. I that. I love that people think that, you know, it's I will kind of talk about the puzzle piece of my job. Yes, please do. So all of these restaurant dinners have at least one sponsor. Right. And so you are trying to A, make the sponsor happy.
Sara Abernethy (21:12)
I will kind of talk about the puzzle piece of my job. Yes, please do. So all of these restaurant dinners have at least one sponsor. Right. And so you were trying to A, make the sponsor happy.
B, make the restaurant happy with the winery pairing. Right. Which is hard if you're doing
Inie (21:33)
Make the restaurant happy with the winery pairing right which is hard if you're doing
when I first started I can't remember the restaurant i'm not going to call anybody out, but it was a
Sara Abernethy (21:40)
when I first started, can't remember the restaurant. I'm not gonna call anybody out, but it was a
Asian influenced restaurant. And they were like, please don't give me a California Zen producer. I get it. get it. I get it. That's what drives me. But this past year, really didn't have any luck getting international wineries because of the tariffs. And it was a tough time. And also the California wineries are who are our...
Inie (21:44)
Asian influenced restaurant and they were like, please don't give me a California Zin producer. Yeah. And you know, and I get it. get it. that's, know, that's what drives me. But you know, this past year really didn't have any luck getting international wineries because of the tariffs, know, and it was a tough time. And also the California wineries are who are our
Sara Abernethy (22:06)
longest supporters and longer relationships that you have. ⁓ man. Sure. Anyway,
Inie (22:06)
longest supporters and know, longer relationships that you have to make sure.
Anyway, so like trying to make sure and I do channel my dad because he says if you're making everyone happy, you're doing something wrong. Great. Wow. I am winning because you're never making everyone happy in this. and you're trying to so hard. It is, but you know what? I do feel like when you have people who
Sara Abernethy (22:12)
so like trying to make sure and I do channel my dad because he says if you're making everyone happy, you're doing something wrong. Great. I winning. Wow. You're never making everyone happy in this you're trying. That's so hard. It is. But you know what? I do feel like when you have people who
understand the mission and understand there are plenty of ways. Maybe we're not gonna do the restaurant this year, but we're going to do Piggy or we're gonna do Saturday's event. However, think when people, I don't know, it's not my favorite part of the job, but it is like.
Inie (22:34)
understand the mission and understand there are plenty of ways, you know, maybe, maybe we're not going to do the restaurant this year, but we're going to do piggy or we're going to do Saturday's event. You know, however, I think, when people, I don't know, it's, it's, it's never, ⁓ it's not my favorite part of the job, but it is like,
Sara Abernethy (23:00)
The restaurant, the Tetra Tetris you have to do. And, you know, one thing that we've also found is the sweet spot for the number of people like 25 to 30 because these wineries are donating all of the wine and they don't want to do a dinner for 50 people. Yeah. Or even like one right. Like you have to be at 42 people. I said 35 to 40.
Inie (23:00)
The restaurant, the Tetris. The Tetris. You have to do. And you know, one thing that we've also found is the sweet spot for the number of people, like 25 to 30. Because these wineries are donating all of the wine.
and they don't want to do a dinner for 50 people. Yeah. Or even like one right here. was like, you have me at 42 people. I said 35 to 40.
And I was like, I'm so sorry. I mean,
Sara Abernethy (23:29)
I'm so sorry. I mean,
Inie (23:33)
that's something that I'm learning. Like maybe that's just, and then it's less of a hurt feeling. Yeah. Like, look, we have to do it 30 to 35. If you don't want to close your restaurant down for 30 to 35, I totally get it.
Sara Abernethy (23:33)
that's something that I'm learning. Like maybe that's just and then it's less of a hurt feeling. Yeah. Like, look, we have to do it 30 to 35. If you don't want to close your restaurant down for 30 to 35, I totally get it.
Inie (23:48)
Yeah, there's there's never a perfect solution, but it is
Sara Abernethy (23:48)
Yeah, there's there's never a perfect solution, but it is. It's very.
Inie (23:54)
It's very
intricate and interesting and obviously tons of dynamics. We've learned a lot every year that we do it at both at Wye Hill and Glass House Kitchen. And I will also shamelessly say, Inie please feel free to include us in any Frankie Lemmon event that you host all year round. are just always delighted to participate. Truly. So thank you. And this year was it was still really fun. It was the first one that I personally have been at.
Sara Abernethy (23:55)
intricate and interesting and obviously tons of dynamics. We've learned a lot every year that we do it at both at Y Hill and Glass House Kitchen. And I will also shamelessly say, Inie, please feel free to include us in any Frankie Lemmon event that you host all year round. are just always delighted to participate. Truly. So thank you. And and this year was it was still really fun. It was the first one that I personally have been at.
at
Glass House. you got to attend. Yes. I didn't sit down and have dinner, but I was there for, yeah, I wish I had gotten to sit down and enjoy the menu, but it was so nice to meet Teagan from Turley Wines and their wines were so wonderful. Everybody who came had a great time. He's a gem. He's a gem. You know, he has a personal project, Sandlin. Yes, we talked about it. Yeah. Yeah. I just, think having someone like Kim, I mean, he's...
Inie (24:24)
glass house. didn't sit down and have dinner but I was there for yeah I wish I had gotten to sit down and enjoy the menu but it was so nice to meet Teagan from Turley wines and their wines were so wonderful everybody who came had a great time. He's a gem. He's a gem. He has a personal project Sandlin. Yes we talked about it. Yeah I just I think having someone like him I mean
He's
Sara Abernethy (24:51)
It's a real deal. Like, that's a real deal. So we were happy to be paired with a Californias and producer like Turley. But also there's Zinfandel is so I said this to him. It's just it's restrained. It's elegant. It's not what you think of when you think of like, mass produced California's Zinfandel. Exactly. was wonderful. Very balanced. I give him a lot of that credit. You know, I mean,
Inie (24:51)
a real deal. Like that's a real deal. So we were happy to be paired with a Californians Zin producer like Turley. Right. But also there's Zinfandel is so I said this to him. It's just it's restrained. It's elegant. It's not what you think of when you think of like, mass produced California Zinfandel. Exactly. It was wonderful. balanced. And I give him a lot of that credit.
Sara Abernethy (25:19)
he does.
Inie (25:19)
He does
a really good job.
Sara Abernethy (25:20)
Real good job
job. So we have triangle wine and food in the winter. Then we have piggy, which she said piggy before what she means is getting piggy with it, was a collaboration with Jake Wood. Right. He was he was the culinary curator curator of this. It's starting in two years ago. Three years ago. This will be our fourth getting piggy fourth year. And this is a ⁓ super fabulous.
Inie (25:21)
So we have Triangle Wine and Food in the winter. Then we have Piggy, when she said Piggy before, what she means is Gettin' Piggy with it. Which was a collaboration with Jake Wood, right? He was the... Culinary curator. Curator of this. Starting in two years ago, three years ago? This will be our fourth Getting Piggy. Fourth year. And this is a ⁓ super fabulous
barbecue festival where you also
Sara Abernethy (25:47)
barbecue festival where you also have
Inie (25:50)
have local purveyors and breweries and beverage producers and wine and cocktails and ice cream and live music. ⁓ It's a super fun, family-friendly day. Hosted at Trophy Maywood.
Sara Abernethy (25:51)
local purveyors and breweries and beverage producers and wine and cocktails and ice cream and live music. ⁓ It's a super fun family friendly day. ⁓ Hosted at Trophy Maywood. Yes.
Inie (26:05)
but would love to plug
Sara Abernethy (26:06)
would love to plug
piggy because not only does it raise money for Frankie Lemmon School, what I, one of the many things I love is that we have a lot of our families from the school bring their I know. It's so fun. And you see all kinds of children playing together. Yeah. It's great. And it's really special.
Inie (26:07)
piggy because not only does it raise money for Frankie Lemmon School, what I, one of the many things I love is that we have a lot of our families from the school bring their kids. know.
It's so fun and you see all kinds of children playing together. Yeah, it's great. And it's really special. Yeah.
It's really special. And again, I love a Sunday Funday. I love a Sunday Funday. My crowd comes up from Tarboro and volunteers. It's really fun. I think it's a different way.
Sara Abernethy (26:27)
It's really special. And again, I love a Sunday Funday. I love a Sunday Funday. My crowd comes up from Tarboro and volunteers. It's really fun. ⁓ I think it's a different way and
dare I say more accessible to get people involved. Yeah. And I ⁓ love.
Inie (26:45)
dare I say more accessible to get people involved. And
I love that event. Some people who might be intimidated by a wine dinner, a coursed experience, may feel way more comfortable at an outdoor springtime fun day. Yes. So I think that's wonderful. Will you have the face painter back? I mean, if we don't, I'm not going.
Sara Abernethy (26:55)
I love that event. Some people who might be intimidated by a wine dinner, know, a coerced experience may feel way more comfortable at an outdoor springtime fun day. Yes. So I think that's wonderful. Will you have the face painter back? I mean, if we don't, not going.
I got my face painted last year. was so I was not, I was completely unapologetic about it. ⁓ it's all, yeah. Why Hill participates usually. I I hope we will again.
Inie (27:13)
I got my face painted last year so I was completely unapologetic about it. Wye Hill participates usually I hope we will again.
Sara Abernethy (27:25)
And last year there was a champagne stall. There was was which I was like, hello.
Inie (27:25)
And last year there was a champagne stall. There was. Which I was like, hello.
I think it went pretty quick. Yeah, no it did. It did go quick. We're gonna do better next year. We're gonna do better this year. And then are there other... ⁓
Sara Abernethy (27:32)
I think it went pretty quick. Yeah, no, it did. It did go quick. We're going to do better next year. We're going to do better this year. And then are there other events
Inie (27:42)
events throughout the year. I feel like those are the two big ones. They're the two big ones. We also do a golf classic, is, I've heard that ours is the oldest charity golf function in the triangle would be 62 in October. it actually, that was the first fundraiser the Franklin Lemmon School ever did was the golf classic.
Sara Abernethy (27:42)
throughout the year? I feel like those are the two big ones. They're the two big ones. We also do a golf classic, is OK. I've heard that ours is the oldest charity golf function in the triangle. It'll be 62 in October. actually that was the first fundraiser the Frankie Lemmon School ever did was the golf classic.
Inie (28:00)
And so that's October 19th. It's always a Monday and
Sara Abernethy (28:00)
And so that's ⁓ October 19th, it's always a Monday. And
Inie (28:05)
That is for people who like golf. Sure, if that's your vibe.
Sara Abernethy (28:06)
that is for people who like golf. Sure. If that's your vibe. And then we do a really great month of giving for November, which we had the sleigh bells sing at our Giving Tuesday, which I cannot tell you. of our parents trying to contact you.
Inie (28:12)
And then we do a really great month of giving for November, which we had the Sleigh Belles sing at our giving Tuesday, which I cannot tell you. One of our parents was trying to contact you
Sara Abernethy (28:25)
about Amanda. Yeah, she had us. Yes. That was because I know so Amanda Mike and Amanda on 947 QDR.
Inie (28:25)
about Amanda. Yeah, she had us. ⁓ she did. Yes. That was because of giving. I know. So Amanda, Mike and Amanda on 94.7 QDR.
She was so sweet. She had us on. We went on and sang on the radio. It was so wonderful. And her son Jackson's a first And her son Jackson is a first year. That's right.
Sara Abernethy (28:35)
was so sweet. We she had us on we went on and and sang on the radio. It was so wonderful. Jackson's a first and her son Jackson is the first year. That's right.
Inie (28:45)
For those listening, I am a singer, if you don't know that by now, and because I can't have a hobby without turning it into a business, because I'm a psychopath.
Sara Abernethy (28:45)
For those listening, I am a singer, if you don't know that by now, and because I can't have a hobby without turning it into a business, because I'm a
Inie (28:54)
I launched a holiday entertainment group last year called The Sleigh Belles It's adorable.
Sara Abernethy (28:54)
I launched a holiday entertainment group last year called The Slaybells. It's adorable. It's a whoop whoop. I'm obsessed. a...
acapella trio singing holiday classics in the style of the Andrews sisters, but like with a little Marilyn Monroe flair. Very fun. Yeah. I cannot tell you. I'm so glad to hear that. About
Inie (29:04)
trio singing holiday classics in the style of the Andrew Sisters, but like with a little Marilyn Monroe flair. Very fun. It was so great. I cannot tell you how many people I've raved about
Sara Abernethy (29:16)
that. I'm so special. So special. yay. Well, it was a fun event. They loved being there. The ladies that were there absolutely loved it. Well, that's a big year. I mean, that's that's where you live, right? Like just making all of that.
Inie (29:17)
was so special. So special. Oh, yay. Well, it was a fun event. They loved being there. The ladies that were there absolutely loved it. Well, that's a big year. I mean, that's where you live, right? just making all of that
Sara Abernethy (29:31)
happen and it's such a critical function to the school.
Inie (29:31)
happen. And it's such a critical function to the school.
Sara Abernethy (29:36)
I
Inie (29:37)
I
Sara Abernethy (29:38)
for those of us who are like, well, fuck if I have to close down my restaurant and or I am so burned out and I can't imagine taking one step further and I have to go get a job, I will be a failure. If you are thinking that, what do you say to those people? Because it doesn't look like there's failure at all in your situation. It looks like a huge triumph actually.
Inie (29:38)
For those of us who are like, well, fuck, I have to close down my restaurant, or I am so burned out and I can't imagine taking one step further and I have to go get a job, I will be a failure. If you are thinking that, what do you say to those people? Because it doesn't look like there's failure at all in your situation. It looks like a huge triumph, actually. Well,
I appreciate you saying that. I think, ⁓ firstly,
Sara Abernethy (30:01)
I appreciate you saying that. think ⁓ firstly,
when we wake up in the morning, we...
Inie (30:07)
when we wake up in the morning.
loved and we are important and we are vital to this world. Like we don't actually have to do anything to make us have worth or value. So that's a lot of counseling by the way. I agree with that deeply in my soul. I do not practice that well. I believe it. I believe it. You believe it for others, right?
Sara Abernethy (30:11)
loved and we
important and we are vital to this world. Like we don't actually have to do anything to make us have worth or value. So that's a lot of counseling, by the way. I agree with that deeply in my soul. I do not practice that well. I believe it. I believe it. You believe it for others, right?
Inie (30:38)
I do believe it for myself. I'm really working on that, but I still struggle with
Sara Abernethy (30:39)
I do believe it for myself. I'm really working on that, but I still struggle with
Inie (30:44)
at the end of the... It's easy to think that when you wake up in the morning, it's harder to think that at the end of the day when you're like, didn't quote, do enough today. if you really, any sane person who looks at my schedule is like, again, you're a psychopath, you did a lot of things today. God forbid taking a day to do nothing.
Sara Abernethy (30:45)
At the end of the, it's easy to think that when you wake up in the morning, it's harder to think that at the end of the day when you're like, didn't, I didn't quote, do enough today when if you really, any sane person who looks at my schedule is like, again, you're a psychopath, you did a lot of things today. forbid taking a day to do nothing.
Inie (31:08)
It's okay. It's okay. It's hard. It's hard. yeah, I I think
Sara Abernethy (31:09)
It's okay, it's okay, it's hard, it's hard. But yeah, I think.
Inie (31:14)
the best thing we can do
Sara Abernethy (31:15)
the best thing we can do for ourselves is to...
give ourselves a break mentally, emotionally, you I talk to myself, but like, hey, guess what? You leave this restaurant, you leave this brewery, no one's going to die because of it. The world is not going to shut down because of it. But if you are unhappy,
Inie (31:23)
give ourselves a break mentally, emotionally, physically. you know, I talk to myself, but like, hey, guess what? You leave this restaurant, you leave this brewery, no one's going to die because of it. The world is not going to shut down because of it. But if you are unhappy,
Sara Abernethy (31:47)
and you are not able to show up in the way that makes you feel alive, then you actually are failing if you're not going to acknowledge and recognize that. And I was fortunate enough to have something waiting for me, but I would tell anyone who is in a position where they are unhappy or unfulfilled,
Inie (31:47)
and you are not able to show up in the way that makes you feel alive, then you actually are failing if you're not going to acknowledge and recognize that. And I was fortunate enough to have something waiting for me, but I would tell anyone who is in a position where they are unhappy or unfulfilled,
Sara Abernethy (32:16)
Don't wait. You can go do side jobs, side hustles. There's plenty to do while you're looking for the whatever. step. Whatever. But there's no failing with saying, I'm not going to do this anymore because.
Inie (32:16)
Don't wait. You know, you can go do side jobs, side hustles. There's plenty to do while you're looking for the next step, whatever. But no, there's no failing with saying, I'm not going
do this anymore because I
Sara Abernethy (32:40)
I am unwell. I am unwell. I'm physically unwell. It is so real. And I don't think people get real enough with themselves quickly enough that that is the current state of things. A lot of people wait until their body starts to break down and they get sick to realize like, ⁓ I'm really I'm forced to now make a change. So ironic because you start a business with the idea of like, want to be free and I want to, know,
Inie (32:40)
am unwell. I am unwell. I'm physically unwell. It is so real. And I don't think people get real enough with themselves quickly enough that that is the current state of things. A lot of people wait until their body starts to break down and they get sick to realize like, ⁓ I really, I'm forced to now make a change. So ironic because you start a business with the idea of like, I want to be free and I want to, you know,
Sara Abernethy (33:06)
and
Right like you think I'm I it comes with this freedom and it does not right I have never felt so trapped. Yeah as I have as a business owner operator trapped and For me looking at you. It seems like You've been set free right? Do you feel like so much freer? Like you don't have the burden of
Inie (33:07)
Right like you think ⁓ I'm I it comes with this freedom and it does not right I have never felt so trapped yeah as I have as a business owner operator trapped and For me looking at you. It seems like you've been set free ⁓
Do you feel like so much freer? I feel so much freer. Like you don't have the burden of
payroll and taxes and equipment and... And always being on. Always being And always having your phone saying somebody needs a reservation, somebody needs you to meet them down there on a Sunday morning to get wine. Somebody needs something. And that is not free.
Sara Abernethy (33:36)
payroll and taxes and equipment and. And always being on. Always being on. having your phone saying somebody needs a reservation, somebody needs you to meet them down there on a Sunday morning to get wine, somebody needs something. And that is not free.
It's not free. Now some people can do it and they're happy and that drives them and great. I,
Inie (33:52)
It's not free. Now some people can do it and they're happy and that drives them and great. I,
was not in this place 10 years ago, but I am in a place where I can say confidently, it's okay to step back, to let go, to go not be in charge.
Sara Abernethy (33:59)
was not in this place 10 years ago, but I am in a place where I can say confidently, okay to step back to let go, to go not be in charge.
I really do love my God, I need. It's okay not to be in charge. It's actually great. That makes me wanna cry. ⁓ Which means like that hits a nerve.
Inie (34:12)
I really do love my God, Inie ... It's okay not to be in charge. It's actually great. It makes me want to cry. Which means like it, hits the nerve.
There's a, but if I'm being totally honest, there was definitely an ego component to having this title of owner operator. There was.
Sara Abernethy (34:23)
There's a, if I'm being totally honest, there was definitely an ego component to having this title of owner operator. There was.
Or like a status. power in it. There is, but there also isn't.
Inie (34:34)
or like a status. in it. There is, but there also isn't.
Like there is. It's the power with other people. Yeah, I mean, it just it's it has been a transformative experience for me I don't regret one bit of it. I really don't. I've learned so much. I thrive on challenges and I'm so proud of what we've done. But but it is not free. You know, all the things
Sara Abernethy (34:40)
Like there is the power with other people. Yeah, I it just it's it has been a transformative experience for me I don't regret one bit of it. I really don't. I've learned so much. I thrive on challenges and I'm so proud of what we've done. But but it is not free. You know, all the things that
Inie (35:02)
that I thought that were going to come with it, all the glory that I thought would be there, it's not what that
Sara Abernethy (35:03)
I thought that were going to come with it, all the glory that I thought would would be there. It's not what that.
is. ⁓ It's beautiful in many other ways. It's a beautiful thing to have a gathering place. That for me, and I think you share that too, to be able to be in stewardship of a place to gather a third place is very powerful for me. And that's what keeps me going. And I do love
Inie (35:09)
is. ⁓ It's beautiful in many other ways. It's a beautiful thing to have a gathering place. That for me, and I think you share that too, to be able to be in stewardship of a place to gather, a third place, is very powerful for me, and that's what keeps me going. And I do love
Sara Abernethy (35:30)
I
Inie (35:30)
being in service. I'm not anymore right now because of the era I'm in with two little children, but I love the fast-paced nature of it and multitasking and crushing a service. And I love that feeling of walking out of the building.
Sara Abernethy (35:31)
Being in service, I'm not anymore right now because of the era I'm in with two little children, but I love the fast-paced nature of it and multitasking and crushing a service. And I love that feeling of walking out of the building
tired in every fiber of your body, don't you? To a degree. To a degree. To a degree. There is love for that when you can also have room in your life for other modes. Right.
Inie (35:45)
tired in every fiber of your body, don't you? To a degree. To a degree. To a degree. There is love for that. When you can also have room in your life for other modes.
If that's the only mode you're in and you feel trapped in that mode, I know it's not as glamorous. Well, I think like working the shift is always like, you know, just so like, my God, it's exciting. much energy. It's exciting. But then waking up in the morning,
Sara Abernethy (35:58)
If that's the only mode you're in and you feel trapped in that mode, I know it's not as glamorous. Well, I think like working the shift is always like, you know, just so like, my God, it's exciting. So much energy. It's exciting. But then waking up in the morning
and you're dealing with all the stuff leading up to the next shift, you know, and that's that's taxing. Yeah. Are you?
Inie (36:14)
And you're dealing with all the stuff leading up to the next shift. that's taxing. Yeah.
I feel that you are an extroverted person. But do you feel like you've evolved into more and more of an introvert? 1,000%. It's happening to me. And I feel like, what's wrong with me? But it just is taking me more time to recover from.
Sara Abernethy (36:25)
I feel that you are an extroverted person. But do you feel like you've evolved into more and more of an introvert? A thousand percent. It's happening to me. And I feel like what's wrong with me? But it just wrong with it is taking me more time to recover from
big social situations that used to really just like fill my tank. Yeah. So that's OK. It takes it takes from your tank to the situation. Yes. Like, you know.
Inie (36:42)
big social situations that used to really just fill my tank. So that's OK. Because it takes from your tank too, the social situations.
And then when you're dealing with all this stuff to get ready for the next service, you're not really recharging that battery. I do think that when I retire, if
Sara Abernethy (36:54)
And then when you're dealing with all this stuff to get ready for the next service, you're not really recharging that battery. Like I do think that when I retire, if
I got a job bartending or waiting tables three nights a week, I can totally see it. not managerial, not doing anything like just going and taking orders and making drinks, running food. I would be so happy.
Inie (37:07)
job or attending your waiting tables three nights a week, I can totally see it. Like not managerial.
not doing anything like just going and taking orders and making drinks, running food. I would be so happy.
Sara Abernethy (37:22)
Do you think you could do that without getting in your head about maximizing things or fixing things or like, ⁓ you guys are missing this. if I were on an island, sure. Yeah, I don't
Inie (37:23)
Do you think you could do that without getting in your head about maximizing things or fixing things or like, you guys are missing this. Maybe if I were on an island. Sure. Yeah, I don't know.
Sara Abernethy (37:36)
I don't know. Like, I could see it. If you could truly be like, I'm just an order taker and I'm dazzling the guests. you would, I'm sure you are transcendent in that mode. I am too, I will say. ⁓
Inie (37:36)
Like I could see it if you could truly be like I'm just an order taker and I'm dazzling the guests Yeah, and you would you I'm sure you are transcendent in that mode I am too. am too. I will say I am
really and have always been Exceptional at guest facing interactions. Yeah It comes so naturally it comes naturally to you too. I mean I am I am you as I say I do want to ask you how you're feeling
Sara Abernethy (37:49)
really and have always been exceptional at guest facing interactions. It comes so naturally. comes naturally to you too. I I am you as I say. ⁓ I do want to ask you how you're feeling
going into being an Imptynester. Like you are really about to kickstart the next era fully. Fully. fall. A couple have
Inie (38:04)
going into being an empty nester. Like you are really about to kickstart the next era fully. Fully. This fall. A couple of
Sara Abernethy (38:14)
People have said this and I just totally like changed the subject, which is my total avoidance. I definitely am one of those people who
Inie (38:14)
people have said this and I just totally like changed the subject, which is my total avoidance. I definitely am one of those people who...
Sara Abernethy (38:26)
can't anticipate things or can't see things until they actually happen. So my son, who will be graduating from high school and will be leaving, he is 18, so he'll be 19 in July.
Inie (38:27)
can't anticipate things or can't see things until they actually happen. ⁓
So my son, who will be graduating from high school and will be leaving, he is 18, so he'll be 19 in July.
We held him back from first grade. Yeah, as many do. have been so patting myself on the back for that. Good job. know, like, I would not have been ready at this time last year. I wouldn't have. It would have been really hard. Yeah.
Sara Abernethy (38:42)
We held him back from first grade. As many do. have been so patting myself on the back for that. Good job. I would not have been ready at this time last year. I wouldn't have. It would have been really hard.
Inie (38:58)
I, my sister, I had said, my son told me, he was like, you know, healthy birds leave the nest. And then he started becoming a real jerk. And my sister said, healthy birds soil the nest too, because they don't want you to miss them so much.
Sara Abernethy (38:59)
My son told me, was like, healthy birds leave the nest. And then he started becoming a real jerk. And my sister said, healthy birds soil the nest too, because they don't want you to miss them so much.
Inie (39:11)
But right now he is being so sweet and like making sure we get the hug before going to bed. And
Sara Abernethy (39:11)
But right now he is being so sweet and like making sure we get the hug before going to bed.
I don't know what it's going to be like. I, I try to not focus on anything that's going to be sad. For fear you'll never climb out of it. Yes, I know it's going to be. ⁓
Inie (39:20)
I don't know what it's going to be like. I try to not focus on anything that's going to be sad. For fear you'll never climb out of it. fear. Yes. I know it's going to be
radically different than anything else. I actually think my husband is going to have a harder time than I am. I do.
Sara Abernethy (39:37)
radically different. I actually think my husband is going to have a harder time than I am. I do.
You guys my jaws on the floor. If you can't see me based on what I know about life. You can read it in her book if you want to know. he's you know, he's a he doesn't miss anything that Steven does like sports related. He attends everything. And I think it's gonna be hard.
Inie (39:46)
You guys my jaws on the floor. If you can't see me based on what I know about your life, you can read it in her book if you want to know. Wow. He's, you know, he's a, he doesn't miss anything that Steven does like sports related. He attends everything and I think it's going to be hard.
Yeah. know, me he's Steven's like, you didn't go to my baseball game. was like, I didn't sign up for baseball.
Sara Abernethy (40:04)
Yeah, know me. He's like, you didn't get my baseball game. I was like, I didn't sign up for baseball. But I'm
of the year. Well, it's an interesting perspective for me who, you know, I need I both have an older daughter and a younger son who I think are the same age apart. Right. I am just like so drowning in little children in when it is.
Inie (40:09)
the year. It's an interesting perspective for me who you know, Inie I both have an older daughter and a younger son who I think are the same age apart. Right. But I am just like so drowning in little
children in when it is
all encompassing but also I'm able to look back at my life before children because it wasn't that long ago it really wasn't that long ago that I was a time millionaire and could do whatever I wanted whenever I you know with relatively speaking but I just didn't know how good I had it with that flexibility and when I fantasize now I fantasize about like well when am I gonna have autonomy again
Sara Abernethy (40:27)
all encompassing, but also I'm able to look back at my life before children, because it wasn't that long ago. It really wasn't that long ago that I was a time millionaire and could do whatever I wanted, whenever I, you know, relatively speaking, but I just didn't know how good I had it with that flexibility. And when I fantasize now, I fantasize about like, well, when am I going to have autonomy again,
comma,
Inie (40:52)
comma,
what it really gets into is like, you're never gonna have that, like that time is over. You are not gonna have autonomy like that again. You might have more time, but you'll never go back to not considering these two human beings. And tell me I'm right. You're right. You are right. I mean, that's just the worry that you...
Sara Abernethy (40:54)
what it really gets into is like, you're never gonna have that, like that time is over. You are not gonna have autonomy like that again. You might have more time, but you'll never go back to not considering these two human beings. And tell me I'm right. You're right. You are right. mean, that's just the worry that you
inherently felt the minute that child was born.
Inie (41:20)
inherently felt the minute that child was born.
It will never go away. Yeah. And I just, what I honestly think I need to do is have a little bit of of a grieving moment for my former self. Sure. Because that's one of the big shakeups going into motherhood of like, you, you are not the same. And there is this onboarding period of like, well, who am I now?
Sara Abernethy (41:24)
It will never go away. And I just, what I honestly think I need to do is have a little bit of of a grieving moment for my former self. Sure. Because that's one of the big shakeups in going into motherhood of like, you, you are not the same. And there's this onboarding period of like, well, who am I now?
Inie (41:45)
And I'm feeling that again after the second baby too. Like who am I now? I don't know. I'm very annoyed that I haven't met her fully yet. I'm like very irritably waiting for that to arrive. But I never really said goodbye to the me before children because I didn't know that I needed to. And I miss...
Sara Abernethy (41:45)
And I'm feeling that again after the second baby too. Like who am I now? I don't know. I'm very annoyed that I haven't met her fully yet. I'm like very irritably waiting for that to arrive. ⁓ But I never really said goodbye to the me before children because I didn't know that I needed to. I miss,
I feel bad saying I miss.
Inie (42:07)
I feel bad saying I miss
that time and I miss that person. I wouldn't trade it. I'm glad we are where we are now. I hope that makes sense. hope other people can relate to that. You're the loss of someone that will never be. Will never be again. Yeah.
Sara Abernethy (42:10)
that time and I miss that person. I wouldn't trade it. I'm glad we are where we are now. I hope that makes sense. I hope other people can relate to that. the loss of someone that will never be. Will never be again. Yeah.
And you loved her. I loved her. But I wish I had loved her with more grace too. I think I have sadness about that. I really wish I had loved my early restaurant owner self with more grace.
Inie (42:22)
And you loved her. I loved her. But I wish I had loved her with more grace too. I think I have sadness about that. I really wish I had loved my early restaurant owner self with more grace.
Same. You know, cause I was so naive and so many things I did were so embarrassing cause I didn't know any better, but she was just doing the best that she knew how to do. I wish I was nicer to myself. Yeah.
Sara Abernethy (42:37)
You know, because I was so naive and so many things I did were so embarrassing because I didn't know any better. But she was just doing the best that she knew how to do. And I wish I was nicer to myself. Yeah.
I think that's what makes me the most sad. Looking back at it. ⁓ Well, it seems like here's a here's a nice little segue. It seems like you seem to channel a lot of your deep feelings as the deep feeler that you are through writing. And you are such a beautiful writer.
Inie (42:50)
I think that's what makes me the most sad, looking back at it. ⁓ Well, seems like, here's a nice little segue. It seems like you seem to channel a lot of your deep feelings as the deep feeler that you are through writing. And you are such a beautiful writer.
You have written how many? You published Two books. Two books.
Sara Abernethy (43:07)
You have written how many? You published books. Two books.
Inie (43:12)
Again, it's like, does she find the time to do these things? But it must be because you get something out of it or you can't hold it all in and you have to get it out of you somehow. Have you always been a writer? I always kept a journal. You did? Always. In fact, the joke is when I was five and my dad gave me a Hello Kitty journal
Sara Abernethy (43:12)
it's like, how does she find the time to do these things? But it must be because you get something out of it or you can't hold it all in and you have to get it out of you somehow. Have you always been a writer? I always kept a journal. You did? Always. In fact, the joke is when I was five and my dad gave me a Hello Kitty journal.
Inie (43:33)
every day at the top, it said date. And when we went back through it and looked, I had written, no, not yet.
Sara Abernethy (43:33)
every day at the top, said date. And when we went back through it and looked, it had written, no, not yet,
one day, because I'll date him, a jubilant date. That stupid ass son of date! I no idea it meant the date. Oh my God, not yet, one day. One day, my prince will come. Yeah, so I, yeah, I've always kept a journal.
Inie (43:40)
day. One day. One day. My prince will come. yes, so I have always kept a journal.
One of my friends ⁓ in Tarboro, she said, did you know there's a term called grief writer? And she's like, I think you and I are grief writers. And I was like, my gosh, but I don't know I wanna be a grief writer. Because that sounds sad. That sounds so dark. But I do find therapy in writing. I like sharing words. I love reading what other people.
Sara Abernethy (44:03)
of my friends in Tarboro, she said, did you know there's a term called grief writer? And she's like, I think you and I are grief writers. And I was like, oh my gosh, but I don't want to be a grief writer. Because that sounds sad. It sounds so dark. But I do find therapy in writing. I like sharing words. I love reading what other people
write. I miss reading. I love reading too, and I miss it because it is not
Inie (44:25)
Right. ⁓ I miss reading. I love reading too. And I miss it cause it is not
in the cards for me right now. It will be again. Right. And I, and it will be again because it was not in the cards for me either. Now I'm at a time where I can read and it's, wow. Such a, kind of take away. can just be taken away for
Sara Abernethy (44:30)
in the cards for me right now. It will be again. And it will be again because it was not in the cards for me either. And now I'm at a time where I can read and it's, wow, such of takeaway. You can just be taken away for
30 minutes. One of my coworkers who's a big reader and I love her, she said, ⁓ don't.
Inie (44:49)
30 minutes, one of my coworkers who's a big reader and I love her, she said, ⁓ don't
Sara Abernethy (44:54)
read a book that you can't do the first hundred pages right then because it'll be so hard. And I was like, oh my God, that's so She's so right. Yeah, and she's young and wise. That's true. Yeah. Because you can, because then you get, you're in. Yeah. You're invested. Yeah. And you kind of have to. smart. Yeah, it's very smart. So I'm trying to do that. Shout out Emily.
Inie (44:54)
read a book that you can't do the first 100 pages right then because it'll be so hard. And I was like, my God, that's so She's so right. Yeah, and she's young and wise. That's true. Yeah. Cause you can, cause then you get, you're in. Yeah. You're invested. Yes. Yeah. And you kind of have a- smart. Yeah, it's very smart. So I'm trying to do that. Shout out.
Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Emily.
Sara Abernethy (45:18)
Yeah, thank you. Thank you, Emily.
Inie (45:21)
Yeah, so the writing piece, you know, I'm trying to write something to... I have a goal. I hate goals. I have an intention of publishing something. Okay. And it was supposed to be for this fall. I don't think it's going to happen unless I get a little break this summer. I just...
Sara Abernethy (45:21)
Yeah, so the writing piece, I'm trying to write something to, I have a goal, I hate goals. have an intention of publishing something. Okay. And it was supposed to be for this fall, I don't think it's going to happen unless I get a little break this summer. ⁓ yeah, just,
I think you can write,
Inie (45:46)
I think when you can write
Sara Abernethy (45:50)
and feel like you're releasing,
Inie (45:51)
and feel like you're releasing.
Sara Abernethy (45:55)
expressing, there's just really great therapy in that. Yes. And if you are a deep feeler, like we are, do you consider yourself an empath? my God. Yeah, me too. Right. I think a lot of us are drawn to hospitality. A lot of us deep feelers are for many reasons. But to have that release valve necessary.
Inie (45:55)
expressing, there's just really great therapy in that. Yes. And if you are a deep feeler, we are, do you consider yourself an empath? my God. Yeah, me too. Right? I think a lot of us are drawn to hospitality. A lot of us deep feelers are for many reasons, but to have that release valve,
is necessary.
And you're so talented. mean, as I say, I love this book. This book is so, and what I'm holding in my hands is her first published memoir, Life After Windows. And she tells you her life story basically up until now. But what I haven't mentioned is that Inie
Sara Abernethy (46:18)
you're so talented. mean, as I say, I love this book. This book is so and what I'm holding in my hands is her first published memoir, Life After Windows. And she tells you her life story basically up until now. But what I haven't mentioned is that I need
ascended to be the beverage director at Windows on the World in the World Trade Center.
Inie (46:36)
ascended to be the beverage director at Windows on the World in the World Trade Center.
Sara Abernethy (46:45)
And I need, if you don't know her, it's just the, it is such an incredible story
Inie (46:45)
And Inie if you don't know her, just the, it is such an incredible story
Sara Abernethy (46:51)
I can just see you in this 25 year old, tiny Southern, colorful person, dancing circles around everybody in one of the best restaurants in the world, in an arguably one of not, if not the most prestigious wine program on planet earth.
Inie (46:51)
I can just see you in this 25 year old, tiny, Southern, colorful person, dancing circles around everybody in one of the best restaurants in the world, in an arguably one of, if not the most prestigious wine program on planet Earth.
You managed it.
Sara Abernethy (47:12)
You managed it.
Yeah. And it managed me. And it managed you. But just let's not gloss over that bullet point on your resume that that's just such an incredible position that you held, then you all know what happened. Everybody knows what happened. And this book is a lot about your reckoning with the aftermath of that. ⁓ And I mean, will never leave you.
Inie (47:14)
Yeah. And it managed me. And it managed you. But just let's not gloss over that, you know, bullet point on your resume that that's just such an incredible position that you held, but then you all know what happened. Everybody knows what happened. And this book is a lot about your reckoning with the aftermath of that. Yeah. And I mean, it will never leave you.
Sara Abernethy (47:40)
It's powerful, it's really powerful and it is something that most human beings have never had to carry, endure, navigate. It is a wild and beautiful story and I highly encourage everybody else to read you say you have something coming publishing wise, is it a novel? Is it another memoir? of it.
Inie (47:40)
It's powerful. It's really powerful. And it is something that most human beings have never had to carry, endure, navigate. It is a wild and beautiful story and I highly encourage everybody else to read it. When you say you have something coming publishing wise, is it a novel? Is it another memoir?
Part of it
is inspired by Maggie Smith, the poet who also has written a memoir. Part of it is inspired by the season that I'm in of parenting adult children and also parenting adult parents. Can't wait to read it. And it's just such...
Sara Abernethy (48:01)
is inspired Smith, the poet who also has written a memoir. Part of it is inspired by the season that I'm in of adult children and also parenting adult parents. Can't wait to read it. And it's just a
Inie (48:27)
hard and beautiful time it feels like I would be doing a disservice not to write about it ⁓ and so that's the premise
Sara Abernethy (48:27)
hard and beautiful time. It feels like I would be doing a disservice not to write about it. ⁓ And so the premise.
Inie (48:43)
And you know, because you were so gracious, but
Sara Abernethy (48:44)
And you know, because you were so gracious, but
Inie (48:47)
I was supposed to be with you last February. Yes. And you had a horrific month. And you know, stepfather unexpectedly died and he was really firstly a wonderful man and also was doing a lot for my mom.
Sara Abernethy (48:47)
was supposed to be with you last February. Yes. And you had month. And, you know, a stepfather unexpectedly died. Yeah. And he was a wonderful man and also was doing a lot for my mom.
We were not aware of. And thank God for my sister. She's moved in with my mom, but
Inie (49:09)
And thank God for my sister, she's moved in with my mom, but
Sara Abernethy (49:14)
It's. As you know, parenting is hard and then to be in a place where. The people who guided you for so long now deserve really deserve your guidance and hopefully deserve not everybody
Inie (49:14)
it's, as you know, parenting is hard. And then to be in a place where the people who guided you for so long now deserve, really deserve your guidance and hopefully deserve not every.
Sara Abernethy (49:32)
does, but ⁓
Inie (49:32)
But ⁓
Sara Abernethy (49:33)
It has to be such a strange alien feeling. It is so strange. Like, what do you mean I'm driving the bus now? enough or equipped. Yes. Well, you're probably not equipped. Yeah. You know, nobody is equipped to go through this transition. so that's the premise of it. Like, if there's anything I can share that will be helpful to others, then I want to feel, I want to share it.
Inie (49:33)
It has to be such a strange alien feeling. It is so strange. Like, do mean I'm driving the bus now? enough or equipped. Yes. Well, you're probably not equipped. Yeah. Nobody is equipped to go through this transition. And so that's the premise of it. If there's anything I can share that will be helpful to others.
then I wanna feel, I wanna share it.
Sara Abernethy (50:00)
You know, why wouldn't I want to share it? Well, then I cannot wait to be among the first to crack this book. Maybe you should come back when it's published. ⁓ I would love anything about that. Yeah. Yeah.
Inie (50:00)
Why wouldn't I wanna share it? Well then I cannot wait to be among the first. To crack this book, maybe you should come back when it's published. ⁓ I would love What do think about that? Yeah, yeah.
Sara Abernethy (50:13)
Are you self publishing? I will self publish. Yeah, for sure. OK, because that was this as well. I say self publish or I would get who works or who owns me some plus publishing. She publish it. OK. Kate, a new friend that I.
Inie (50:13)
Are you self publishing? I will self publish for sure. Okay. Cause that was this as well. I say self publish or I would get Kate who works or who owns Mis En Place publishing to publish it. Okay.
Kate, a new friend that I... Y'all
Sara Abernethy (50:29)
Y'all met, right? We have met. Yeah, we met at an event that you had last year. Yes, because I had just had Charlie and it was like one of my first nights out. At Raleigh wine shop. At Raleigh wine shop. And I was like, That was a really fun event. She was lovely.
Inie (50:29)
met, right? We have met. Yeah, we met at an event that you had last year. Yes, because I had just had Charlie and it was like one of my first nights out. Yes, at Raleigh Wine Shop. At Raleigh Wine Shop. I was like, people! That was a really fun event. She was lovely.
you're ever in Charleston, she does
Sara Abernethy (50:46)
If you're ever in Charleston, she does.
Inie (50:49)
women writing speaking events.
Sara Abernethy (50:49)
women writing speaking events
throughout the year in Charleston. She's worth following and really, she has a sub stack also called unpublished. It's great. I'd love to get to know her. She's a cool lady. be buddies. Inie, thank you so much for making the time to do this. I truly adore you. You are a role model to me. I will close this off by saying you set the example for me of what
Inie (50:52)
throughout the year in Charleston. She's worth following and really, she has a sub stack also called unpublished. It's great. She's I'd love to get to know her. She's a cool lady. be buddies. Inie thank you so much for making the time to do this. I truly adore you. You are a role model to me. I will close this off by saying you set the example for me of what
Sara Abernethy (51:19)
it means to be a leader in hospitality. You showed me that I could be a restaurateur and a mom, and that I didn't have to choose between both. And you also showed me it would be really messy. it would be worth it and that you can do it. And I thank you so, much for being my friend. I adore you. I love
Inie (51:19)
It means to be a leader in hospitality. You showed me that I could be a restaurateur and a mom and that I didn't have to choose between both. And you also showed me it would be really messy. but it would be worth it and that you can do it. And I thank you so, so much for being my friend. I adore you. I love