Subscribe
Share
Share
Embed
Are you one of the thousands of men who pray, asking God to change their marriage, to make them more confident, to help their wives be attracted to them? Matt was too. And you know...this kind of praying and the mentality behind it...it's a huge mistake. It won't get you the results you're looking for, nor will it set you up to take charge, take action, and take your marriage back.
Listen in to find out why.
Listen in to find out why.
- Discussion on common mistakes Christian men make in their marriages and the dangers of praying passively without taking action.
- Understanding how unbelief can hinder God's work in marriage and the importance of faith in prayer.
- Emphasizing the need for men to acknowledge their own issues and discussing the journey towards personal and marital transformation.
- Encouraging men to change their prayers into declarations of faith and take charge of their marriage and life.
If you haven't yet, be sure to grab The DNA of a Man.
Also, if you're interested in working with Matt one-on-one in the Unshakeable Man coaching program...click here to download the PDF writeup about the program and book a free 30 minute REBUILD coaching call with Matt.
Also, if you're interested in working with Matt one-on-one in the Unshakeable Man coaching program...click here to download the PDF writeup about the program and book a free 30 minute REBUILD coaching call with Matt.
Creators & Guests
What is The Man Warrior King Podcast?
You want to live a life on fire and on mission.
You want to be filled with such conviction and drive that you stop caring about what ANYone thinks.
You want to face each day alive, authentic, and fully present in every moment: with your wife, kids, on the street, at the gym, at work.
You want to bring yourSELF to the table, and to stop bringing the watered-down, nice, what everyone wants version of you.
You want that self to be a man who is burning in passion for Jesus, unafraid to bring his kingdom to anyone in your path, no matter the cost.
You want to love the one in front of you without fear, without needing love back, and without reserve.
You want to experience God for real, to not just believe, but to KNOW that he’s got you and that he’ll show up on your behalf. That he’ll show up THROUGH you.
You want to get to the end of your race and say, “Yep…I gave it everything. Jesus, you know I’m all in.”
...And you want to know just how to get there.
Welcome to Man Warrior King. Congratulations. You are among the violent taking the kingdom by force. You are among the chosen, answering the call to rise above your self. You are in the forge being stripped down and strengthened—and you WILL rise stronger, solid, unshakeable.
You are a man. You are a warrior. You are a king.
Good afternoon and welcome to another episode of the Man Warrior King podcast.
Speaker 1
I'm your host, Matt Halleck, and I am here to talk with you today about 1 of the biggest mistakes that men can make in their marriage, and particularly 1 of the biggest mistakes that Christian men can make in their marriage, Because it really doesn't apply to non-christian fellas Yes, if you have listened to me for any length of time that you know that I am of the opinion whether it's popular or unpopular. I don't know It might depend on what circle you find yourself running in. But I'm of the opinion that in many ways, Christian men have the possibility of being at a bit of a disadvantage in marriage. Because of bad thinking and bad theology that we have grown up with, that we have inherited, and it sets us up for marriage trouble, marriage dysfunction.
Speaker 1
And so 1 of the biggest mistakes that Christian men can make, that non-Christian men is not even an option, is to pray, God, would you please fix my marriage? Would you please change my wife? Would you please help her to be attracted to me again? Would you please help me to grow in confidence.
Speaker 1
Now hold on a second, hear me out. Is it okay to pray those things? Sure. But 1 of the biggest mistakes you can make is to pray those things and to keep on praying those things and to keep on begging those things and when they don't change, then you get into a place where you are now declaring, asking whatever, why hasn't God answered my prayers?
Speaker 1
The mistake is not the prayer itself. The mistake is the mentality That if anything in your marriage is going to change it's going to have to be an act of God That's a mistake because what that mentality does is it sets you up for passivity and it sets you up to be a victim because your marriage, what's happening in your marriage is too extreme, too intense, too bad for you to be able to do anything about it. It's out of your control and now you are subject to a circumstance that is damaging you. You are a victim.
Speaker 1
And in this mentality you become a victim of God because your your marriage hangs on whether or not he does a certain thing. And this mentality is damaging because it sets you up to actually adopt an anti-biblical mindset, which is that I prayed a prayer and God didn't answer it. Well, wait, Matt, I thought that sometimes we pray and God says no. I thought that sometimes we don't get answers to prayer.
Speaker 1
I get it. I understand that that's what happens In people's lives or what they think happens I understand that I myself have prayed things that I've not seen the answers I've been asking for yet. I understand it, but I have not settled in that place. I have not developed a line of thought that justifies a non-answer to any prayer that I pray.
Speaker 1
And why is that? Because it's anti-biblical. Because Jesus told us, Whatever you ask for, believe that you have received it and it will be done for you. There are multiple verses in scripture and in the gospels from Jesus' mouth itself that tell us anything you ask, whatever you ask for.
Speaker 1
So every prayer I pray should be answered and if it's not I need to figure out why because there must be a breakdown somewhere because the promises of God are yes in Christ not maybe not sometimes not if He approves to give you the promises. They are yes. So when your sole path for marital rescue is praying and then wondering why God isn't answering yet so you pray harder that's a big mistake see I believe God wants to answer your prayers, but he can't always. Well, Matt, what are you saying?
Speaker 1
God can't. I thought he's God. He can do anything. No, he can't.
Speaker 1
Have you seen Mark chapter 6 where Jesus was in Nazareth? His hometown and the people of Nazareth were asking themselves, who does he think he is? Who is this man? We know him.
Speaker 1
He grew up around here. Don't we know his brothers and his sisters? Where does he get all this wisdom from? And it says that Jesus could not do a mighty work there because of their unbelief and he marveled at their unbelief.
Speaker 1
Doesn't say that he decided not to because he didn't want to honor their unbelief. It says he couldn't. I thought he was God and he could do anything and he just chose not to. It's not what the words say.
Speaker 1
So, if you are praying for your marriage, which is a good prayer, I mean, that's a good desire to have. God loves marriage. He wants you to be passionate. He wants your marriage to be spicy and steamy and full of sex.
Speaker 1
But why is he not answering the prayer? There might be more to the picture, my friends, and here's the thing. I think faith is part of the picture because a lot of times you're praying, God would you please change my wife? Would you please make me more confident?
Speaker 1
Would you blah blah blah? It has no faith to it because the other part of Mark chapter 11 where Jesus said, whatever you pray for, believe you've received it and it'll be done for you. Right before that, he says, if you speak to a mountain and you don't doubt in your heart, then it's going to listen to you and it's going to go wherever you tell it to go. See, your praying, God would you do this, is misguided because you have the truth is you have a mountain in your life.
Speaker 1
You have a mountain that is standing in your way and it's a dysfunctional marriage. And that dysfunctional marriage is waiting on you to step into your God-given authority and to begin to prophesy to it and to begin to declare Good things over it and to begin your prayer needs to this. This is a this is a need This is a requirement your prayer needs to begin to involve more of you speaking to life situations and less of you asking God to change the life situations. He gave you authority, use it.
Speaker 1
So it's a mistake to pray this way sometimes because it says cover for your lack of faith, because you don't believe in what God has already said. Because if you're asking God to make you confident, He's already told you, you're as bold as a lion. You got to find it in his word. He's already promised you confidence.
Speaker 1
If you're asking God to take away your depression and make you joyful, He's already promised you joy. He's already said you have the fruit of the spirit inside of you. He's already said I'm exchanging the spirit of heaviness for a garment of praise. He's already declared it over you.
Speaker 1
He's already done so many of the things you're asking him to do But you don't believe that he's done it you don't believe it's true of you You don't believe it's true in your life And so you keep asking him to do it and he's saying it's already done man You've just got to go take it off of the shelf. I've brought home the goods from the store. Go grab them off the shelf, is what he might tell you. But why else may this prayer not be getting answered?
Speaker 1
It might be because you are not showing up in your marriage the way you are supposed to because you are praying for God to fix these problems and You are the problem. But my wife, but my wife, but my, I know. But for right now, you are the problem. And so you're asking Him to give you results that by law, by kingdom principle, can only come through your getting healthy on the inside.
Speaker 1
Many of the results you want in your life can only come through identity. And if you are not tapped into your kingdom identity, and you are not living in the fullness of what God has meant you to live and it doesn't have to be perfect you can be messing up and it can be a process but if you are not in that process and you want the results that come from the process it can't happen. See, it's like somebody who is broke on the streets, And they're broke even though they had a $200, 000 a year job. They had $100, 000 sitting in the bank, and they went broke because of their gambling addiction.
Speaker 1
It's like that person praying, God, why am I so destitute? I used to have so much. Would you please provide for me? You're my provider.
Speaker 1
Would you provide? Would you send me another job? Would you send me money? They are praying for their problem to be fixed, but they are not addressing the cause of the problem.
Speaker 1
Instead, they should be going after their gambling addiction, right? Right? Isn't that clear? I think we could all agree on that.
Speaker 1
So in you, in your masculinity, in your husbanding, in your marriage, what is your quote unquote gambling addiction that has led your marriage to where it is? And I'm not obviously talking about a real gambling addiction, I'm not even just talking about an addiction or a secret sin. I'm talking about your dysfunction. Real change, transformation in a marriage comes when a man owns it and he acknowledges his dysfunction and he says I will not live in this anymore.
Speaker 1
And I am going to be free, whether my marriage follows suit or not. I cannot live this way. And you're like, well, I love Jesus. I love my wife.
Speaker 1
I've been a Christian for years now and I've tried to serve God and follow God and it's just not working out. Yep. Welcome to where I was. Been a Christian since I was 4.
Speaker 1
Have loved Jesus since I was 4. Spent hours in the Word and praying as all through my teenage years and adult years. And I still had massive dysfunction. And I'm sorry, but church sermons typically don't even address where you might be dysfunctional.
Speaker 1
You can sit in a pew week after week and think that you are doing everything you know to do everything you can. You are thriving as much as possible and it's just that life is hard. We live in a fallen world. God has a different plan for you.
Speaker 1
So your marriage is in this state that it's in. I'm sorry, but that is bull crap. And I, 1 of these days I might just say the real word on air. Because it is.
Speaker 1
God promised you a thriving, passionate marriage. If it's not in your experience right now figure out why not It's not because he's decided to withdraw the promise all the promises of God are yes and amen. Well, I'm sorry, no, the actual reading is they are yes in Christ and so we utter our amen. Stop agreeing with a cursed marriage.
Speaker 1
That is not God's will for you. Stop saying amen to a curse. Say amen to the marriage he actually wants for you. So what if this is how you've been in your marriage thus far?
Speaker 1
What do you do? What do you do? First, I would, it's not a simple process. I can't just give you a 3 step process to fix this, but I'm gonna try.
Speaker 1
First thing, if you haven't yet, Buy my book, The DNA of a Man, and read it. Because it takes a book, and more than just 1 book, to begin to address this deep-seated dysfunction. You have got to discover your masculinity. You have got to learn how to be joyful and confident on your own regardless of whether your wife approves of you or not.
Speaker 1
You have got to begin to find yourself, to be your own man. You've got to stop being tossed around by the circumstances of your life and assuming that they are God's will for you, you need to learn how to be attractive to your wife again. So if this is where you're at, yes, get my book, but also, begin to find what God says about you and your marriage and pray it out, declare it, speak it, stop agreeing with hell and agree with heaven. Change your prayers into prophecy where you are prophesying what will be allowed to be true in your life.
Speaker 1
Figure out why your love for Jesus and your love for your wife have not actually led to the marriage that you want. Figure out how her mind works. Figure out the feminine nature and what she's actually wired to be attracted to, wired by God to be attracted to. Figure out the dynamics of masculine feminine polarity and tap into the power of polarity.
Speaker 1
Kick your depression, your melancholy spirit to the curb and learn joy. Abandon your victim mentality. You are not a victim anymore. You are a conqueror and more than a conqueror according to Romans 837 Are you understanding what I'm telling you?
Speaker 1
And if you really need help then we head over to manwarriorking.com hit the contact page or read about the coaching on the coaching pages and get in touch with me so we can work together on getting your marriage back on track and getting you as a man thriving and proud of the man you are instead of constantly doubting yourself because your marriage is in a rough spot. Let's do this. You've got this.