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What do you do when the bottom drops out and life breaks in ways you never imagined? Charlie and Jill LeBlanc have walked that road, and through their personal story of loss, they’ve discovered the sustaining power of God's presence. In this podcast, they offer heartfelt conversations, Scripture-based encouragement, and the kind of hope that only comes from experience. Whether you're grieving, struggling, or searching for peace in the middle of chaos, this space is for you.
Hi, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of our podcast, Finding Hope. And that's what our heart is, is that you would find hope through all of these podcasts that we're doing. Hope to get you through difficult times in your life as the Lord helped us get through our difficult times.
Jill LeBlanc:Yes, he did. So we're continuing on today with episode three of our interview with John Tesh. This this one will wrap that up, but man has it been powerful. So we encourage you to go back and hear the previous ones if you didn't already.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:But join us as we keep continue talking about the rules of engagement and just different things that the Lord showed us along the way.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yes.
John Tesh:So the next rule is is don't be offended, which is yeah. This is for you. You need to receive this, Jill. Don't be I'm just kidding.
John Tesh:You know, Jill's not gonna be offended. She's just gonna slap you across the face and set you straight. That's what's gonna happen. Go go ahead. Here's the first line of this. Try not to be offended or affected if they don't return your your text, email, or phone call.
John Tesh:I have people who are offended and I didn't lose a child. I mean, it's like, okay, guys, stop it.
Charlie LeBlanc:Mhmm.
John Tesh:Right?
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I remember a friend, there was someone in our church. Gosh. I'm trying to remember the specific case, but there was a death of someone in our church, and a friend of ours reached out to that person and said they never send them texts, they don't ever answer my text.
Jill LeBlanc:And I just wanna know how they're doing, and so I'll text them and and call, and they don't ever call me back. What is the deal? You know, at the time, we hadn't walked through this. And so, you know, I didn't really have a lot of wisdom to offer. But in looking back, I totally understand now because, you know, the because, again, the the bereaved person is, and they're just dysfunctional in the best sense of the word, the kindest sense of the word.
Jill LeBlanc:Right. And so just don't, it's not about you. You know? Not about- it's not about you sending your text and sending your phone call. You know, we just need to reach out to them.
Jill LeBlanc:We just need to let them know they are loved. So if you wanna send a text and a phone call just to let them know, you know, leave a phone message. Tell them you love them. Tell them you're praying for them.
John Tesh:Right.
Jill LeBlanc:Don't expect anything back.
Charlie LeBlanc:And you can even say, sorry, but I just wanted to make sure they got this.
John Tesh:This is such great therapy for me. So I'm like, oh, my marriage is just like this.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. Yeah. So so and then now I forgot what was gonna say. But, anyway, what what I was gonna say is-
Jill LeBlanc:I think Jill is happy about that. Go ahead.
Charlie LeBlanc:You even at times, you'll text and you'll say, no need to answer this text. Or we'll leave them as, "Look, we know you're busy with your family and friends. We just want you to know we're praying for you. We love you. We're with you."
Charlie LeBlanc:And so that takes, you know, it's not like, well, I've texted you, you gotta text me back and let me know, you know. Right. But it it releases them, and I think that's very unselfish, you know. It's just like I'm giving this. I'm not expecting anything in return.
John Tesh:Yeah. Here's the, another great thing about this book is that, you know, it's what you have suffered through, it's what you've learned with with your grief, but also the scriptures that you used to get through that. You use spiritual warfare to get through that. And so it's so, you know, with all of these, you know, rules of engagement, what you know what to do, there's always there are scriptures that pepper through this. So for for don't be offended, the latest the the rule number four that we're giving you, there's Psalm 31:7
John Tesh:You have seen my troubles and you care about the anguish of my soul. Let's be like the Lord, you write, and show we care for those in mourning without expecting anything in return. The Lord will repay you for your kindness. That's awesome.
Charlie LeBlanc:That's right.
John Tesh:Rule number five, give them space in their healing journey. Go ahead.
Charlie LeBlanc:Well, you know, people just need space when they're going through a difficult time. Now, these are complicated things, you know, because on one hand, you know, being alone and isolated can hurt too, and you feel like, well, no one cares. You know? So but at the same time, what unfortunately happens is the people that you don't want to reach out sometimes reach out. And so but in general, you just need to let people give them give them time, give them space.
Charlie LeBlanc:Don't expect too much out of them. You know, just let let them, give them time to grow, to grieve, to get through this this pain. And so I don't know, Jill, do you have any other things you'd like to add to that about just giving someone some space to to get through this?
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. One book that I read, I read a lot of books on different people's stories that had been through loss. And this one particular father lost, this couple lost their 10 year old son. He he died waiting on a heart transplant list. And they knew from the time he was little that his heart was bad and his ten years he was with them, they knew it was kind of a ticking time bomb, but they still had hopes that he could get the heart and survive.
Jill LeBlanc:And alas, he died at 10 years old. And that father, he was required I mean, just because of the way his job was, they took three days off for the funeral and some bereavement, and then he had to go right back to work. And he I think he traveled in sales, and he never gave any time for grieving. Never gave himself.
Jill LeBlanc:He couldn't. He had to get back on the trail to keep, you know, the money coming into the family. And after about nine months, he began to fall apart. And then eventually he went to see a grief counselor and just, you know, that was that he he just cried the whole session and finally started getting some healing. But if he would have been able to take time and just not have to go right back to work and and just get some help early on, he would have been able to allow himself to start grieving. And, you know, grieving is so important to healing. It's just part, you just have to be able to grieve to be able to heal. And that takes time and takes space.
Jill LeBlanc:And, you know, like Charlie said, you know, there is a delicate balance there because you don't want someone to feel like no one cares. But at the same time, some people just need to be left alone. Like we mentioned in the book, we went away for a month. Was it one month? Yeah.
Charlie LeBlanc:Mhmm.
Jill LeBlanc:We, so we had a funeral in Saint Louis where we lived, and then Charlie's parents and most of his family were all in Phoenix. So then we did another funeral over there. They were in Arizona to California. So we did two funerals within, four days. That was pretty painful.
John Tesh:Oh yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:But, after that, we went away for a month. His brother had a condo in San Diego that they let us use, so that was that was such a gift from the Lord, and we're forever grateful to them for allowing that. But during that time, we were able to just pull away, you know, rest, sleep when we needed to and just not have to, I mean, and not everyone, you know, gets to do that, but we were so blessed to be able to just unplug and and have time just to process and just start the journey, you know, and try to figure out what happened and, you know, cried a lot of tears during that time and and also enjoyed some beautiful things, you know, some sunsets that we didn't normally get to enjoy and just time. So that's that's very important to to have some space.
John Tesh:Which brings us to rule number six, is remember with them. And you tell a story in the book here. One of Beau's high school friends recently wrote us on the anniversary of his death, telling a beautiful story of how her life was forever impacted by how kind and thoughtfully he treated her at school even as an underclassman. The tears streamed down our cheeks once again. That's gonna take courage for some people to to know how to remember with you guys. You know? Do you know what I mean?
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It does. But I just wanna say to this day, it still blesses us so much.
Charlie LeBlanc:And we get these things just out of the blue. I just got a Facebook messenger from a guy recently who he said, Charlie, I don't if you remember me, blah blah blah. And he says, back in these retreats when you and Joe were leading worship and Beau was just five or six years old, he goes, I remember playing with him and I remember how cute he was and I'm just so sorry I haven't seen you guys in years and, I just got your book. I just read it and it just broke my heart, but it just touched me so much. So but even that, you know, it's just we can we continue to get little notes of people that had an experience with Beau, and it just really, really it really helps us. It really helps.
John Tesh:So you would recommend that. Right? Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And if we are in relationship with someone that has experienced loss, we will do that. If we get a memory of someone, we'll contact them and say, I was just thinking about, you know, whoever it is. And I remember the time when we did this or that.
Jill LeBlanc:And because the ones left behind, they feed off of that. They, it's just words of life. And it's very important if you have that relationship with someone who's lost their precious loved one to reach out to them and share a memory or just share the fact that that you're acknowledging their loss and even even though it's been a while. Like we said, it's fifteen years for us at this time, and still we treasure when someone reaches out to us with a special memory.
John Tesh:Rule number seven is we're in the middle of the of the rules of engagement, which are what what Charlie and and and Jill have learned. Things you should and should not say to someone who's grieving, grieving over over anything. So rule number seven is don't try to fix them. Yeah. Yeah.
John Tesh:Were people trying to fix you and how? How were they trying to do that?
Charlie LeBlanc:Oh, wow. I'm so glad that I forgot that that one was was in there. But, you know, like I said earlier, we just have a tendency to to wanna fix people and and, you know, lots of people were just wanting to try to help us get over this quickly. So, you know, the the shotgun scriptures, you know, like, oh, your son's in heaven. Praise the lord. Right? Amen. You know? And, no, that's that doesn't help at all. That's one of those statements you don't wanna say.
John Tesh:Those are the shotgun scriptures? I'm using that.
John Tesh:The shotgun scriptures. You just spray the area, you mean?
Charlie LeBlanc:[laughter] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're gonna get better.
Charlie LeBlanc:They're bound to. You know?
John Tesh:I got it. I got you.
Charlie LeBlanc:But, again, weeping with those who weep, you know, having compassion, having sensitivity to someone who's in pain. So, you know, don't try to fix people. I wanna give you a little story of what happened to me. About a year and a half after Beau died, we had a call where we heard that a close pastor friend of ours and his wife had lost their son. And our hearts broke. I mean, we were in England actually at the time when we were told. And Jill just said, I can't eat. I'm going upstairs. She wept. I went and joined her eventually, and we called them.
Charlie LeBlanc:And, they, we asked them, can we help you? Can we come to your church? We'll be home such and such day. You want us to come and help you in your service? He said, please do. Please.
Charlie LeBlanc:So, of course, they were, they loved us. They knew of our loss, they now, they're experiencing it. So they really wanted us to come and be with them. So that Sunday morning, it was about an hour, maybe an hour and a half drive.
Charlie LeBlanc:We're driving down, and all of a sudden it hits me. I'm thinking, what am I doing? I don't know how I can help him. I said, I still have a lot of pain of my own loss. How am I gonna comfort him in any way?
Charlie LeBlanc:You know, I was compelled by the Holy Spirit to say, yes, we'll come, but my brain all of a sudden said, I have nothing to say because I'm still hurting. But, so, I just began to pray. And as we as we drove there, I just continued we both were just praying. And the Lord dropped into my heart a statement. He said, Charlie, tell the people to do the loving and I will do the fixing.
Charlie LeBlanc:And in fact, I mentioned to you guys earlier, he said it like, you do the loving and I'll do the fixing, is what he told me to tell them. This was a little country church in South Missouri. And so the Lord knows how to speak into us right where we're at and then in our style. But, but so I
John Tesh:There it is. You do the loving, I'll do the fixing. Right there in chapter nine.
Charlie LeBlanc:Exactly. Yeah. And so I put the details of that in there, but it was such a profound moment for me. And I just continued to pray and God just gave me a whole message with that. And when we got there, just to be able to tell people, listen, you're not the fixer.
Charlie LeBlanc:Don't try to be. You know, I know you care. We know you love people and you're trying to help them, but we really don't know how to help people like we think we do. But love helps. Amen?
Charlie LeBlanc:And so if you do the loving, God can fix them. And that's, I told you that experience earlier about Andrew and Jamie Womack loving us and other close friends that wept with us. They didn't try to fix us. They didn't try to say, okay, Charlie, now you need to do this, now you need to do that. No.
Charlie LeBlanc:They just loved on us and allowed God to do the fixing. And, you know, he does heal the broken hearts. It doesn't say we heal the broken hearts. So if you have a friend who has a broken heart, you can't help you can't heal them, but you can love them. You can help them get healed by loving them.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah. And, you know, so I think it's just a real powerful thing to learn is from the Lord to to let him fix people. Let him broken hearts. Let him comfort the mourner, but you do loving. Don't forget to love, care, comfort, and and, you know, just be there for them, weep with them, but don't try to fix them.
Charlie LeBlanc:Don't try to give their sword of the spirit and just start hitting them with all the scriptures that's supposed to make them better. There's a time and a place for everything. In fact, the scripture, and we have all this in the book, talks a lot about singing happy songs to someone who's sad, how it's horrible to do that. You know, somebody, oh, come on, rejoice in the Lord. Well, there's a time to weep and there's a time to pray, as Ecclesiastes tells us that. There's a time for grief. There's a time for mourning. There's a time for these things. And so don't try to push, an undue time onto someone who's hurting. Love them.
Charlie LeBlanc:And in time, like we did eventually, we eventually began to worship Jesus. You know, I needed, I wanted to run from God like both of us did. But I remembered the scripture where where the disciples said, you know, where else can I go, Jesus? You have the words of eternal life.
Charlie LeBlanc:And so I came to that realization I had no place else to go, but at the same time, I was hurt and didn't understand all the things that happened to me. Right? And so I just came to the Lord. I said, Lord, well, know you heal the brokenhearted. I know you comfort those who mourn.
Charlie LeBlanc:And my heart's broken and I need help, so I'm gonna come to you on that. And so, you know, we eventually just had to learn how to live in what we understood and not live in what we don't understand. Some people get all caught up at, I don't understand this. I don't understand this about God.
Charlie LeBlanc:Why didn't God how come God didn't hear your son? Why didn't you know? Well, listen. We have those same things that we deal with, but the Lord helped me to say, live in what you do understand. There are mysteries that we may never understand until we get to heaven.
Charlie LeBlanc:So I had to just learn, we had to learn just to how to live in the things that we do understand about God's love, his compassion, his caring for us, you know, and eventually back to knowing that he is the healer of our bodies, that Jehovah, you know, Jehovah Rapha, he is the God who heals us. And, yes, even though our son didn't get healed, we still know that on the cross, Jesus bore our sicknesses and carried our diseases. And with his stripes, we were healed. And the Bible does say to speak to the mountain and be thou removed if you don't doubt in your heart. And so we you know, we've come full circle to come back to these simple but real truths that Jesus is a healer. For a long time, I couldn't read the red letters about Jesus healing people because I would just get confused. But by God's grace and his love and his patience with with me, you know, now I love reading the gospels and I love reading the amazing healing power of God that is present and available for us. So I know that may seem kinda crazy to a lot of you people that you're saying, well, Charlie, you lost your son. You prayed for him. I know.
Charlie LeBlanc:It doesn't make sense to me either. I mean, sometimes when I'm in the middle of worship, the devil say, what are you worshiping God for? You didn't get healed. Your son didn't get healed. You know?
Charlie LeBlanc:But, you know, that's the the enemy just trying to put condemnation on us and trying to bring confusion in our life. But we have to live in truth. We have to live in what we know. But, again, this took time. I couldn't have a preacher preaching to me, telling me, I need to do this, Charlie.
Charlie LeBlanc:It was something that we had to heal, come to. God did the fixing. God brought us to these places. And we need to allow other people to just get there in their own timing and in their own space.
John Tesh:Wow.
Charlie LeBlanc:That was an amazing interview that John did with We're so blown away with them, him and Connie and their heart to they said, we wanna do this interview. They were so impressed by the book. And, you know, I said something I just wanna emphasize before we close this out about, the word that the Lord gave me. He said, you do the lovin' and I'll do the fixing. I think that was just a holy moment where God is speaking, I believe this word, to the church saying, don't try to fix people when they're in pain.
Jill LeBlanc:Mhmm.
Charlie LeBlanc:You love them and let God do the fixing. You know, God, is the healer of broken hearts. And I said a lot of this in the interview, of course. So, but, I just wanted to remind you, like, you do the loving and let God do the fixing. And before we go, we just wanna remind you about our book.
Jill LeBlanc:Well, I don't know, Some of you may not know we have a book. John mentioned it several times, but we just wanted to make it available to you. It's called When Loss Comes Close to Home. There is a link down below where you can find it, or you can just simply go to charlieandjill.com, and you'll be able to find it there and all the other resources.
Jill LeBlanc:It's on audio. It's available for download, e-book. And this has been helping a lot of people just walk through their grief journey as well as those walking beside them, helping them to be a better support.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:So make sure you grab a copy. You never know when you're gonna need it. You know, you might say, I don't, I've never had loss. I don't know anyone that's grieving. I don't need this book. Well, unfortunately, things happen that we don't expect.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:So grab a book, and you'll at least have it for someone else that might need it.
Charlie LeBlanc:Yeah.
Jill LeBlanc:But thank you for watching today and we look forward to hooking up with you again next time.
Charlie LeBlanc:Amen. So God bless and thank you again for watching and listening.