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What if you’re not lost, just living in a part of the story no one talks about? Holding Patterns is a podcast about the in-between. The messy, undefined seasons of life where nothing quite makes sense. Hosted by Ashton Arnold, a deeply curious traveler who is carving out a life beyond the conventional path. Ashton leads guests through the kind of conversations that get honest, intimate, and are rooted in what it actually means to be human. This show is for people who’ve felt unsure, off-course, or like they’re making it up as they go. Each episode features a conversation with someone who has built a life outside the typical script, unpacking the moments where success felt out of reach. From travel and relationships to money and mental health, nothing’s off-limits. Holding Patterns is here to remind you that you’re not behind, you’re not alone, and you’re allowed to figure it out your own way.
[00:00:00]
Hi everybody. I'm Ashton. This is holding patterns. It's a podcast about the in-between moments of life, the ones where it's a little bit uncertain. I've spent the last few years moving abroad, starting over many, many times, and honestly living in the unknown more than I would care to admit. But through all of these experiences, I've learned that these moments are not meaningless.
They're really impactful. So this is a place to talk about them and to talk to people who've gone through them too.
today, on the very second episode of Holding Patterns, I have my roommate and my friend and my [00:01:00] older sister, um, not really, but basically, um, yeah, soul Sister.
Ashton: Brittany Nutt Brit is a registered massage therapist and has been practicing doing clinical work and more recently lodge work. And she also does energy work as well. And prior to her massage career journey, she tree planted for 10 years, which if you don't know what that is, is a big, big career path in specifically British Columbia, Canada, but I think other provinces as well.
Britt: Yeah, it's a bit of a rite of passage. Yeah, Rite of passage. So thank you Brett for being my Guinea pig and I'm very excited to shoot the shit with you
Hell yeah. go. happy to be here.
Ashton: I'm happy to
Britt: you.
Ashton: . So I guess to start, we can
give some context
to our relationship. , I dunno if you want to get into how we met and,
Context to our relationship
---
Britt: Yeah.
Last year, I mean, I'll get into the priors of [00:02:00] that, but last year, in January I started working in Bella Coola at a Heliski lodge, and that's where I met Ashton. And we really hit it off and kind of went through the trials and tribulations that come with those sort of jobs and our friendship prevailed, uh, via voice messages from different parts of the world.
Ashton: Yep.
Britt: um, we ended up here in Nelson, BC in a little ski town.
Ashton: Yeah. And now we, we'll have to, I'll post a
Britt: photo of
Ashton: how we're sitting right now, um, and in our cute little cozy home in, in the basement of, our friend's house.
We've created a nice, nice place for ourselves here.
Britt: Yeah, it's been quite the sanctuary, I think, for both of us.
Big me medicine home.
Ashton: Yeah. Because ironically, we're both in a holding pattern currently. So it's, you know, it's perfect for how this podcast is being born and developed. Well, we're, [00:03:00] we're both in the depths of it right now, so I thought Britt was a very fitting first guest and willing first guest.
Britt: And I got time, so we both got time,
That's
Ashton: sure. Um, in our unemployed household at the moment. All right. So we'll kind of move more into, before we dive into a specific holding pattern, but what your background is, where did you grow up and what was your family structure like?
Britt´s Background/Childhood
---
Britt: I guess, uh, well, from Nelson, I grew up a town like four hours, just under four hours away.
Um, in the Mony Mountain Valley. it was a really small town, probably I feel like it's still less than a thousand, but I might be wrong on that number. but that town, it's kind of, it's a very rural kind of hybrid of like rednecks and hippies, we'll say.
Ashton: Mm-hmm. Uh, I'm
Britt: I'm the youngest of three girls. I have two [00:04:00] older sisters.
My parents were together, my whole upbringing. They divorced probably like eight years ago or something like that. yeah, we had a really kind of typical upbringing I would say. With, yeah, my parents worked a lot. They were, they loved us. We knew that without a doubt, but definitely like was not the most like interconnected family feeling.
I always felt like I was probably a bit of the black sheep and definitely like, threw my life choices into adulthood. fostered that for sure. Which
Ashton: is why you're sitting here
Britt: right Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Ashton: so within that family dynamic and being the youngest and having two older sisters to kind of follow, did you feel like you had set expectations on you or, or expectations that you even put onto yourself from a young age, like as a child that you can look back on and be like, huh, I don't know if I would've chosen that for myself, but it was kind of ingrained.[00:05:00]
Britt: Uh, I don't know if my, like both of my par parents weren't educated in the traditional sense. both of 'em are really smart and loving people, but they definitely didn't go to post-secondary or anything like that. So I, I never felt any pressure or expectation to go down that route. both my parents were extremely hard workers and really like, fixated on making money and that kind of drive, but they also didn't have a lot either.
so I, I feel like there was probably a piece of me that wanted to just not struggle with money and finances and stuff when I was growing up, just from seeing their journey and whatnot. But it was never like, go to this traditional school, become a nurse and stay a nurse or a police officer and stay that it was pretty, there wasn't just like a lot of emphasis around it, I guess.
Ashton: Do you feel like you had anybody in your life that you really looked to as you were growing up of I want to emulate [00:06:00] that or follow that path, Not
Britt: Not really honestly. I don't, when I think about like my formative years, I don't have a ton of memory. I just remember like not wanting to have money problems.
. Because I think that was like such something I saw within my like, family dynamic and this weight that was always kind of played out within our, home structure.
Ashton: Right. Right. And is that a weight that's still in your life?
Britt: I think so. I definitely, um, it's not like I fixate on becoming a millionaire billionaire or anything, but I just like don't ever wanna have money be a main stress in my life that like, plays into the dynamics of my, my relationship or, you know, if I choose to have children, I don't wanna have them be.
Inhibited to join stuff 'cause we can't afford it. 'cause I think I grew up with that kind of thing of was interested in doing that, but um, yeah, my parents had no time or money for it.
Ashton: Yeah. Yeah. And in the family structure, what would [00:07:00] you, when you look back on and reflect in childhood, what were some of the norms? I say with quotes like. As being a part of the nut family, that was kind of expected
without having to be said of, oh, every Saturday we wake up and do this. Or at nighttime we all, in my family, we, I don't know.
It was a norm to go to college when you graduated from high school, cousins and uncles, like that was a norm. So anything like that?
Britt: um, I think it was just like, don't rely on us. Mm. Oh, interesting. Okay.
we will help you. But you're kind, not like on your own, not in like a cast us off aside, but my parents are not gonna like support us. They can't support us financially.
So it's figure out your own way and we'll do our best to, to support you. But they didn't have enough to like push us in those directions. 'cause you know, in university and post-secondary is an expense.
Ashton: That's interesting.
And do you feel [00:08:00] like though, that feeling contributed to the way you've, do you think that had a big impact on the path you went down after leaving your parents' house? maybe subconsciously or consciously?
Britt: Uh, yeah, I, I mean, I think I have a pretty fierce independence.
Okay. Yeah.
Which, yeah, probably came from a number of different, avenues from my formative years. But, um, I think it's I remember calling my dad when I was nine, 18, or 19, because my cell, I used to be under his cell phone plan and he, my cell phone bill at the end of the summer was $900 because I didn't know about roaming.
And I went too close to the US border and just all, yeah. And I called my dad crying and he bailed me out. And I think that was like the last time I really asked him for money that I I mean if he's helped me out in different ways, but I've paid him back always. But that was
Yeah, the first kind of thing where I was like, I need [00:09:00] help.
Ashton: Yeah.
Britt: Which you don't do often. yeah, definitely. And like outside of that, my parents, my dad especially, he always says I never worry about you,
Ashton: but your sisters. We can talk about
Britt: Yeah. Yeah. We have, we have different dynamics and different strengths, but I think I've I've definitely made a big effort to not have, not have to have that reliance on my family and my parents in a financial way anyways.
Ashton: Mm-hmm. Do you think that that's inhibited you from taking risks
Britt: not in, not inhibited me. 'cause I mean, that being said, like I don't expect them to help me, but I have been in a situation where I was traveling and my credit card wouldn't work, so I used my dad's and then I paid them back or whatever.
And I, I.
Feel like risks are a part of life too. So it wasn't something that I felt like I was corralled because of my upbringing or
Ashton: whatnot. Yeah. So you feel like you have a healthy and had, and have a, a healthy relationship with risks [00:10:00] and uncertainty
Britt: for the most part. I have my moments, but I, yeah, I think I, or I try to embody that.
it's risk taking is a part of life to experience change and newness and that's, yeah. That's all just a part of it.
Ashton: Yeah. Yeah. It definitely is. But some people, I mean, avoid it at all costs, even though it is a part of life. So
Britt: Yeah. It's a, part of my life, I should say.
Ashton: Yes, exactly. Exactly. Um, so kind of going off back to the path, you went down after you left your parents, were you someone that was fueled by a dream or, or a passion? Were you really into music? Were you into dancing? Were you into writing? Anything like that that really helped fuel or, build the sort of structure you wanted to follow at all?
Britt: Yeah.
I wish I had a passion or a dream.
Like when I was a kid, when I was young, I really fantasized about being a figure [00:11:00] skater. which
is a good fantasy.
Yeah. But I think I just love the sparkling outfits and the, I don't know, they just like the aesthetic of the skaters, but as far as like something that I was really driven or felt like I was a calling, I remember finishing school, high school and
Just not, yeah, just knowing that I wanted to make money. Mm-hmm. So it was like, how can I figure out the best way to make a good amount of money right. At a school. My parents never pushed me into college. They like supported me if I needed or if I wanted to do that, but it wasn't a big driving force.
I think I always had this caregiving nature about me. So I was drawn to the idea of professions that had that involvement piece.
But not nothing was I wanna be a doctor or I wanna be a nurse, or, or whatever.
But those sort of nurturing care roles did intrigue me.
Ashton: Do you feel like your upbringing, that worry and, uh, [00:12:00] need for money and to feel supported, inhibited you from being able to dream bigger?
Britt: A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah.
Ashton: yeah.
Britt: Yeah. And it wasn't their fault, I love my family, but it definitely played a big part that I just wasn't really, it was, it was so apparent to me as a child about money and the need for money and the lack of money that it, I'm sure it played into my decisions in
Ashton: Yeah. Yeah.
It's crazy how money this the not tangible thing can have such an impact.
Britt: Yeah, 100%. And I don't think my parents ever realized or whatever, that we were so aware of their money stuff.
Yeah.
Ashton: Ugh. Yeah. Relatable.
I wanna ask those questions 'cause we all.
I think we create these limiting beliefs or our perspectives of the world and we don't realize that other people don't have those same [00:13:00] perspectives because it's all we've, we know and this, these constructs, these norms and why I asked about it and our relationships with money are relationships
relationships with uncertainty.
Those are all established at such a young age. And I don't think often we take the time to actually look at those and be like, huh, why is that there?
It came from here.
Yeah, exactly. And so I think being able to hear somebody else's perspective on those questions and what maybe contributed to the way they see the world and why they've made the decisions they've made and why they've been able to make certain decisions.
'cause what I said, some people avoid uncertainty and risk. At all costs and never leave the town they grew up in and that's because of certain ways they grew up in certain constructs that were reinforced in their heads. So to hear your relationship with those things, I think is, is quite interesting because, you know, not everyone had the same upbringing as you and has those ideas and values [00:14:00] that shaped them.
And it's so fascinating to me and I think to other people of how that came to be.
Britt: Yeah, totally. And we all relate in different things, whether you stayed in the small town that you grew up in 'cause you loved it, or you know, your circumstances created that for you, or you left and you traveled the world, but maybe that person who stayed compared to a person me who's left and had these different experiences can relate on some of the most rooted
Life Before the Holding Pattern
---
Ashton: Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Um, well, so this podcast is called Holding Patterns, and the main focus is going to be about that. And I know you've had many, we all have had many transitioning periods, but we're kind of gonna talk about one that you find pretty formative or impactful.
But prior to that, I'd love for you to set the scene of what life looked like before the holding pattern started. So describe [00:15:00] what you were doing, where you were, maybe what the feelings, what you were experiencing before that time period ended.
Britt: Yeah, so I guess I'll just start and move backwards a little bit, but my holding pattern that I'm gonna reference most is from last end of December to early January for that month.
but the time that led up to that was a very hard season of life for me.
Um, I, I mean, wind it back even further, I feel like I went through a really big breakup just before COVID happened. It was my really long term one, and I think a lot of us long term, was eight
years. Yeah. eight years. and I think a lot of us have that heavy hitter relationship that kind of sticks with you, or it's, it's always the one that, you know, you had to take some time to work through or the trauma of that comes back and back up [00:16:00] in different ways.
But, I think that was kind of an for a formative moment for me of I've never been alone before. I thought my life was gonna look this certain way. I went traveling a lot alone over the last few years and really kind of had to dive deep and find myself as, as cheesy as that sounds, but it was very much what it was.
Ashton: Yeah. There's a reason it's
Britt: cheesy.
Yeah, totally. I, you know, thought I was gonna go and eat, pray, love, but I just went and eat, pray, love myself.
Ashton: Oh, I've been there too.
Britt: And then I fast forward a few years, I met someone. And had this relationship that kinda blew me outta the water, I think with just how sweet and how well he treated me and how romanticized his lifestyle was, I guess.
Ashton: Yeah. Do you wanna talk about that? Like what, what were you romanticizing in life at this point?
Britt: I [00:17:00] think just someone put so much energy and emphasis into me, but they also lived this life of kind of adventure and fun and he was also just really clean and organized and took care of himself and was really accountable and not that my. I don't wanna hate on him like the big long-term ex, but it was just a different season back then.
And when I met this person I was just like, wow. people like this exist and someone who just is so on top of things, which was so refreshing I think for me, and eye-opening. so I was living on Vancouver Island. We were doing a long distance across back to Vancouver, Squamish area, for about 10 months.
And then some other things happened in my personal life. I heard that my long-term ex was having a baby. And I think that still just it's just like this, this deep pain that I think is just gonna sit with me.
Ashton: And how many years out was that finding out that baby news from when you broke up?[00:18:00]
Britt: Well, it's almost, it's six years now, which is
Ashton: six years now.
Yeah.
Britt: Yeah. when
Ashton: you found out about the baby, was that like four
Britt: Four years? Yeah. Four years? Yeah.
I don't know, I think just like being in my small town in the Komo Valley on Vancouver Island, everybody around me, I'm turn, I'm, well I was 33, 34 at the time. Everybody around me was having babies and kind of, it felt like to me like moving on to the next stages of life.
And I just was still interested in traveling and going back to school maybe. And I didn't have enough money to buy a house. And yeah, so I just felt like I was a little bit on the outside I guess of my social world that used to be my whole world and that I was very much infiltrated in.
And then I met this other person, dated him for a while and I think almost like finding about the news about my ex and him moving on with the pregnancy and everything, it almost made me realize that I wasn't [00:19:00] happy in my relationship. Hmm. My present relationship kind of like, yeah. I, I don't even, I can't even, yeah, I think it just was a little bit of a wake up
to, Yeah.
is this actually what you want?
Ashton: so I ended things in that relationship. And then also, I was working in a clinic space where two of the other girls went on maternity leave. My other friend colleague decided to leave the practice. So I was just working there alone. And it was also early November on the west coast, so it was just gray and rainy and Yeah. The seasonal depression was coming in.
Britt: Yeah, totally. It was the perfect cocktail of things. and I was also just living in a tiny house in my cousin's backyard, bless. The world for putting me in my cousin's backyard. But I also lived in a tiny house that had really small windows in the dark, dark season, and I didn't have a really big social circle.
I kind of experienced the [00:20:00] most, deepest depression I've ever sp experienced in my life. I've experienced like little bouts of that before, but I definitely was like, okay, what are the things I need to do to help to crawl out of this? 'cause winter is just coming, right?
Ashton: Right. like, just starting.
Britt: I feel like that was all the catalyst to kinda make me create the change. Um, which the change ended up being me leaving the island, which I lived on for 15 years, and totally geographically changing my
Ashton: Right.
Britt: to then sit in the stillness. Ah,
Ashton: okay.
Britt:
Ashton: Totally. Yeah. So this is kind of the . Start of it,
Britt: yeah. The start of it. yeah, I was, uh, depressed. I was super depressed. And,
Ashton: and what does depression look like for you?
Britt: I mean, I know that my life is so great and I have a lot of really amazing people in it who will hold me up and cheer me on. But I [00:21:00] remember just feeling like, I don't wanna be here.
And the thought of getting invited out and going to social events, it was like, I don't wanna even talk about my life 'cause I just feel so sad about it.
Mm-hmm. sometimes sad sometimes it was just really flatlined and I just didn't feel like the essence of my, the version of myself I wanted to. it just felt like there was a dark cloud sitting over me that you know, as if it's the opposite of the rose colored goggles or whatever, where it's just life just looks kind of dim.
Yeah. And it's you know, what's the point in, what's the point if this is what it feels like and how long is this gonna go on for? and I think it really. I'm not someone who I think would ever consider self-harm, but it really opened my eyes to how people get there, which is so relatable.
Yeah. yeah. Such a lack of
hope. Yeah, totally. It's the hopelessness of is this what it looks like now? And
Ashton: Yeah.
Especially from somebody [00:22:00] who, and I say this 'cause I know you, but can see such the beauty of
life,
to have that be gone and not be able to find that is scary.
I mean, it's a scary thing. I felt that within myself as well.
Britt: Yeah, Totally
Ashton: Yeah. it's scary.
Britt: So scary. And I remember I was working with this lady when I was learning my energy work stuff and kind of mentoring under her and had gone through a little season of that a few years prior. And I remember her saying to me okay, if you're at the bottom of the well right now, what do we need to do to start filling the, well, what are the little things that you can do to start day by day, like moving through it versus just sitting?
'cause sometimes you just wanna sit in bed with the blanket over your head.
Ashton: Yeah. Yeah.
Which is important. You know, give yourself the time to sit with the blanket over your head. 'cause you do need days, but you can't, you can't sit in that forever.
Britt: Yeah. totally. yeah.
Ashton: will, that won't get you out of it.
Britt: Yeah.
And I think it's I love that analogy and I think it was just really personal when it came [00:23:00] to me of okay, drink more water. Yeah. go for a two minute walk. go for a 20 minute walk. just go sit in the sun.
Ashton: Yeah.
Britt: And I remember her being like. Meditation is not just sitting and sitting on a, on a bolster that was, you know, $300 that you got from import shop and whatever.
Meditation could just be like sitting in the sun or going for a swim. Yeah. Or having a hot bath. And it's just like those still moments that you're able to kind of like sit with yourself and not create like this overwhelm.
Ashton: Yeah, totally. so you're in this depression period. You're in this tiny house. You've been on the island for 15 years and the relationship has ended this, the new romanticized one. Yeah. You, You, had ended it. Okay. But you're in this depression period. So then what happens next? Um,
Britt: Um, after that, I went to the doctor.
Ashton: That's a good start.
Britt: Yeah. My [00:24:00] holistic counselor
recommended that I should go and see my doctor just to get, you know, the western checkout, see if my blood levels are out of balance or whatever. And, when all of my results came back as negative and my doctor was like, I think everything is more in balance than they ever have been. I was just like, fuck,
Ashton: Yep. Whoops. Okay.
Britt: Okay.
well this is something deeper than, and I am pretty woowoo in my concepts and, and how I like to live my life, but I, I felt like this is a, a soul thing of You need to change. Mm-hmm. something big needs to change. And I still didn't know what that looked like.
And, started looking into different work, different jobs, different areas, trying to cast these lines of potential different opportunities. And where I landed was going to move back to my mother's house in the Okanagan, which mom and I had a pretty love her, but fractured relationship.
And I [00:25:00] didn't really know where that was gonna, how that could even be a possibility for me to go and live with her again. But I also knew deeply that I just needed my mom
Ashton: yeah. family Yeah,
yeah. The people that have you.
Britt: Yeah.
Ashton: Even as fractured as that relationship can be.
In the Holding Pattern:
---
Britt: Yeah, totally. so
At the end of December, packing up my whole life through Christmas
And I moved back to my mom's and then I, that's when I applied to Bella Kula and I got that job where you and I met. but I had end of December and most of January before that job started. And that was all time to just be at my mom's.
Ashton: Right? Okay. So holding pattern starts.
Yeah. Right there. Ding. Ding.
Here we go. Alright, so what can you remember being the most jolting or life altering part of this period? Was [00:26:00] it just not being on the island anymore? Was it not having your own space anymore? Was it a certain feeling you were experiencing?
Britt: I think it was leaving the island and that realization that I wasn't there anymore. I had a little storage unit, but aside from that, I never thought I would leave. Like once I was there, fell in love with it, fell in love, and, created all these friendship and connections and I just left it all
And was at my mom's where I didn't have any friends left there anymore. And also I'm 34 years old and I live at my mother's house.
Ashton: Yeah, yeah. On a twin bed
Britt: I, it's so uncomfortable.
Ashton: Oh, humbling.
Britt: funny. Yeah, like I remember arriving there, I drove across the mountain ranges with my cat and my little Volkswagen full of all of my life possessions and getting to my mom's and she just had a knee replacement surgery and she was all [00:27:00] doped up from post-op from the day prior and was just like, what the fuck did I do?
Ashton: Questioning everything.
Questioning everything. I think that's a common theme when, when you're sitting in these holding patterns is what have I
Britt: Yeah. regret Totally. I made this big leap of faith. I was just, felt like I was trusting and I'm here and I did it and it doesn't feel good.
Ashton: No, it trying to escape the discomfort. I think that's what it is, is, oh, I can't feel this.
Britt: Yeah, totally. And I had all these expectations of what it would feel like, and uh, this isn't it.
Ashton: Yep. Yep. So you've set the scene of life before the holding pattern for us give us the landscape of life within the in-between.
What does life look like before you start the Bella? Cool job. You have just left the island and you arrived at your mom's [00:28:00] house.
Britt: Uh, yeah, my mom lives in a town where there's like a ski hill 20, 30 minutes away called Silver Star, and I bought my seasons past there and I just was like, okay, I am gonna focus on the things, the things of my life that I can control right now.
all I know is that I have this safe sanctuary that my mom has offered me. It's not perfect. It's not how I would have chosen for myself, but I'm so grateful to have this safe space. So that's the one, my one piece of security and then the things about my body that I can control.
It was like my activities, like skiing brings me joy. I am skiing alone every day, but I'm, it still brings me joy. I was really into running at that point too, so I would sometimes do a mix of both. I'd run in the morning, go skiing, or I'd ski in the morning, go running in the afternoon. And [00:29:00] uh, I think like with my mom, her recovering from the knee surgery too, we were really trying to like, fill her with nourishment and stuff.
And Yeah. So you could put your energy into her a little bit.
Yeah. And controlling our diet. in the morning I'd wake up and her and I would have a lemon, turmeric, ginger hot drink before coffee and before breakfast and, um, I'd bring that to her and I'd go and sit in my room like at six in the morning and do some journaling and kind of like heavy reflecting and, and or a meditation or whatever that looked like.
And. being more intentional about food that was going into my body, drinking more water, having wine in the evening to socialize and connect with my mom. Sometimes it's needed.
Yeah. Yeah. I felt like I, I found I didn't have any stimuli to distract [00:30:00] me, I guess. And it was just like very routine based in a good way that I in a good way.
Ashton: What feelings were, were hard during this time that felt very uncomfortable to sit with?
Britt: I think hopelessness and the unknown I took this big risk, I quit, I left, I left everything, friends, family, everything.
And now I'm here and part of that. It feels like an exciting thing because I think I trusted that inner knowing that brought me there, but also nothing's coming
yet and I don't know what the next stage looks like. I was just looking for each lamp post and ahead of me and not knowing what was gonna get me to the next spot kind of thing.
I could only see what was right in front of me. And I think there was even a weird little sense of peace in the [00:31:00] unknowing that this is so temporary, so just sit with it. But also the anxiety that came with the unknowing
Ashton: Wow. Yeah. Peace is, that's powerful that you were able to find a even a little bit of that. Yeah,
Britt: Yeah, I was at my mom's so I didn't have the expense of rent and the expectation of socializing. my world just got so small and I think I kind of needed it to be, I needed all the noise to disappear.
Ashton: Did you feel like there was a decision that you were battling during the holding pattern? 'cause I feel like sometimes from, in my personal experience with these periods, it can involve me trying to decide what way my life is going to go. And that can bring me a lot of anxiety 'cause I just don't know where to direct my energy towards or what goal to work for towards.
was that a part of this holding pattern for you or did you feel clear on where you wanted to go?
Britt: Uh, [00:32:00] no,
Ashton: simple
Britt: definitely, there was definitely,
no clarity. there just was this really small little window in that time where I couldn't look back and I couldn't go back.
but I didn't know where I was going next, but I knew I was safe and I had my, vices of exercise skiing and mountain time and, knowing that I was gonna start a new job made this time period really temporary feeling.
Ashton: Mm-hmm. if you hadn't have had that job lined up, do you think this would've gone a very different way?
Britt: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 'cause I feel like even once the job got going and there was like a lot of anxiety of the newness of something totally different and also going and flying somewhere totally isolated and you're sort of stuck there and you're committed into it.
the
part of that adjustment period was, was a [00:33:00] lot.
And then I settled into that and then it was early February and I was still, meeting with my counselor online And I remember her asking me like, so what are you thinking after this? And I think that's when I started to being like, okay, well it's February and now what?
I had my little quiet uncertainty time, but then that started to bleed into the seasonal what's
Ashton: Mm-hmm. Uh, which is a whole nother thing that we have gotten ourselves both into the
Britt: Yeah. And end is February.
Ashton: February. Oh my God, it is February. Oh no No wonder I feel this way. No wonder.
It's like clockwork. Honestly. Every February
Britt: Yeah.
Ashton: well, okay,you dived into this a little bit, but for people who are listening and maybe have found themselves in a similar situation as you or back at their, their mom's house or at a family member's house. And there's not really an end in sight. Let's say there's not really a [00:34:00] job on the horizon, you're just in this emptiness. What tools helped you and you, you, briefly touched on this, but just to highlight it again, like what tools really helped you move through that nothingness?
Britt: I think the the baseline things is your physical, physical body, what you can do to you know, you don't have to be a skier or a runner.
You could go for a walk or, you know, do little stretches in your chair or whatever. There's so many different ways, but I guess to sum that up is movement, like daily movement in some regard, whatever that looks like. Um, and the food that you're putting into your body. I also find therapy really valuable and I know what it's an expense, but once you find the right person who can really see you and connect with you and reflect things back to you, I personally find that so valuable.
and friendship. Friendship is probably [00:35:00] one of the biggest ones for me,
Ashton: Yeah.
Britt: and you don't have to have a big friend group or whatever. You just need one person. And I remember, what's that? There was like a documentary, I think on Netflix or something. Maybe it was like with Jonah Hill, where in the his Oh, stunts. Yeah. And his like, I think his, I think this is where it came from. Maybe I'm misquoting, but he said one person can stand for the whole world. And I think that's so, so so true. all you need is one person who can really see you
Ashton: I mean, I feel that right now for us in this holding pattern with you. Yeah.
Britt: Yeah. Yeah. Totally. It changed,
Ashton: changes
it a lot. A lot.
Britt: Yeah.
one person can just represent so
much. Mm-hmm.
And change everything for how you feel about your day. I had a really good friend from the island who I was on the phone with quite often most days when I was going through that.
And he definitely brought a lot of laughter to my life and lightness into the situation and [00:36:00] the unknown. And I think that was like a really big thing. So however you can reach out to connect to one person.
Ashton: Yeah. And one person I hearing you say that also makes me think about having one person who. This weird transitionary period is not what you have to talk about every phone call, like the, just let's focus on other parts of life 'cause I think specifically in our culture in North America and Western society, the go-to thing is how's your job? How's work, And when you don't have that, when nothing's happening for progressing At all or any movement, it can be so exhausting to want to talk to anybody. So to have even one person where you can just literally talk about nothing and it doesn't have to be about progress
Britt: is so important.
Yeah. Well, and I think as you say that too, I feel like I can reflect to that the heaviness of depression and people wanting me to come out and be around [00:37:00] them.
And I was like. I don't wanna talk about my life. I don't want you to ask me how my work is, because honestly, it's not a bad job, but I feel like I really hate it right now.
Ashton: Don't ask me about it.
Britt: And no one wants to hear that. And when you can be with someone and just be so authentic and true to them being like, I had a terrible day.
Ashton: Well, do you
think,
you, you say, yeah, no one wants to hear about you not liking your job, but do you think that, do you think that's
Britt: No. Do you think? Yeah,
no, I think that's part of the veil of the depression. I think it's probably the worst thing you can do for yourself is to isolate yourself further. But it's all you wanna do in that
Ashton: Well, 'cause it's, again, whole origin for this podcast And why I want to create it is the only space we leave room for is success in progress.
Yeah. In our spaces, like it's, we feel so less than and we failed if we're not succeeding and moving forward.
Britt: Yeah. That every
Ashton: single human on this planet [00:38:00] like that is not a constant state
Britt: No. And there's like a weird facade of only showing, social media is such a good example of that, which I think everybody's kind of getting burnt out a bit of the fakeness of it and but then there's also the other side of that where people are like sharing so much vulnerability and that also feels like too much.
Yeah. Yeah.
But I think it's, there's a fear of even going and hanging out with my closest friends and feeling like, I don't wanna be the, the downer, but I also am not okay right now.
Ashton: Yeah. And I think. It's so interesting because I think we've all been on both sides of that, and maybe it's being more conscious of how we do react when we have a friend who's going through a low and actually taking a step back and be like, oh, do, do I give them space to just show up and cry and am I okay with that?
can I make room or is my reaction uncomfortable and [00:39:00] shortening the time I spend with them? Or uh, like kind of when you're in a good place and you have a friend who's not like just being aware of, huh, how do I show up? Because I think we like to think, yeah, of course I'll be receptive. Of course I'll be there for you. But I don't know if that's always the truth. And I don't think that's an inner thing. I think it's a societal thing of, again, we don't know how to handle this. We don't make space for it. We don't make time for it. So
Britt: yeah,
I mean, I think it's a good thing to kind of check yourself with your social. Before you even going to a social situation of a friend needing to come over or a dinner party or what is your intention behind this?
something I I really wanna embody as I move forward in my life is how can I show up more intentionally
I would create these stories in my head of I can't go and hang out with my friends 'cause they have kids and that's all they wanna talk about is kids.
And I have nothing to contribute, so therefore I'm, and like less than, and I'm in a scarcity mindset and, [00:40:00] but logistically when I zoom out of that like dark cloud. Mentality. I know I have this, this, and this and this to offer, and I know I have this, this, but it's like when you kind of can feed yourself all of these negative things and feeling bad about your in-between and your lack of progress and lack of success stories to share.
If you can create this total block that inhibits you from going into that, which realistically, I mean depends on where you're trying to push yourself into, but it's can be the best medicine to just go and cross that threshold. 'cause quite often I think people are ready to receive you more than you even realize.
Ashton: I agree.
Britt: Yeah, I totally agree.
Ashton: But,
Britt: but trying to convince yourself that when you're in it in the thick of it is I
think I just need to sit under a pillow tonight.
Ashton: Yeah.
Yeah.
And again, it's not, not every relationship in your life will be ready to receive [00:41:00] that, but I hope for everybody, you do have at least one friend who is and I, you know, and you can be that for them as well.
And I think about that within myself as a friend, is when I do have. People going through hard times and just showing up. Even if you feel like, you know, maybe they're not contributing the way they usually do to your friendship, or they're not asking you how you are as they, they used to ask you a couple months ago.
It's like just honoring that doesn't mean they're a bad friend. That doesn't mean that they're not somebody you don't want, you wanna be around. It's like honoring, no, this is a period and they, they, need me right now more than I need them.
Britt: Yeah, totally. And I don't know. Not, not all of us have.
Amazing friends too. And I think that's where counseling or therapy or like group activities or a yoga, something where you're investing in yourself. And I think often these times, money [00:42:00] can feel like a factor, but I think you are the most worthy investment.
Yeah.
And so whether that's paying for one counseling session or one community class of whatever your interests are, or an art class
If you can't, if you don't have those friend relationships to rely on. and and whatnot because We're all valuable.
Ashton: Yeah. Oh yes. I kind of sidetracked that conversation out of the holding pattern, but it's related. I think it's important part of the conversation, but to go back to your specific holding pattern.
before things changed externally, what shift happened in you while you were sitting in this period?
Britt: I don't know if I felt like a palpable shift during that, but I definitely felt it after.
I feel like after having that time, having that safety grounding space and reconnecting with my mom was such a huge thing.
[00:43:00] there's a lot of theories around childhood. Issues and stuff. And so to be able to reclaim that sense of peace and reliance on my mom was so big of just knowing that she was in my corner.
Ashton: Yeah. Oh. It makes my heart happy.
well, so to wrap this up a little bit, now that you've gone through it and you can look back on it almost a year later from the outside, what do you have in your life now that wouldn't exist without that holding pattern you went through?
Britt: I think I have a new. A sense of trust in the process.
Ashton: Mm-hmm.
Britt: life is gonna be full of these ups and downs and when you're in the thick of it, going from the depression to maybe into the void and the holding pattern before things start to shift and change again.
if you look back in hindsight of what that time period created for you to, then what came after that? [00:44:00] I think it helps me Trust that life is not always gonna look like that.
also trust in that inner knowing, the, the way that my life has changed exponentially since I left.
my home and my life and all these things that I was so intensely attached to
and
the new relationships, the new friendships, the experiences that I had has been so incredibly expansive. And I think this is one of the most important years of my life that I just had because I left and I listened to that. So I think trusting in that inner knowing, as cliche as it sounds That gut feeling really can be your compass if you let it.
Ashton: Yeah. Oh yes. Soundbite.
something to point out from this whole conversation is to show that we think,these successful periods or progressive periods are what gets us to [00:45:00] happiness or contentment or peace. But through this conversation you've been able to show that so much peace and, and contentness can come from down times if we even want to call. Like I don't necessarily like to label it as a bad time 'cause I think it's so necessary
Britt: Yeah. and it's just as important.
It's like the highs and the lows and low isn't necessarily a bad thing. I I don't know as as much as last winter was really hard. last summer was also hard and I was really excited for winter.
Ashton: Yeah,
Britt: I need less noise. I need, yeah.
I need that time to go inward. And we don't always make the space to give ourselves the opportunity for that, but it's, there's something that's so, can be so cultivated in
Ashton: Yeah. You didn't even
Britt: realize until we're out of it.
Ashton: Yeah. And it's funny 'cause we're, this winter has, like we kind of mentioned at the start of the episode, has brought another holding pattern Brit just quit her job that she had for the winter,
Britt: yeah.
Ashton: And
has no idea what's coming next.
Britt: [00:46:00] Yeah. A lot of, uh, a lot of lines have been casted in overwhelming moments of what to decide. But , I think after going through what I went through last year, I don't have to make a quick decision. I can sit and life is gonna unfold for me exactly how it's supposed to.
And trying to rustle through and find clarity and a quick decision because of these deadlines. Yeah. There's no, there shouldn't be pressure. the only pressure that you should feel is when you actually know. What it is that you want.
Ashton: That reminded me of the quote of, I'm, I'm gonna misquote this, but it's like worry, prolonging your own suffering basically you're putting yourself through more suffering before you even have to. And I feel like that's kind of these holding patterns and these in-betweens, if we can allow ourselves to be at peace with just the pause.
Yeah. I think we put ourselves through so much more suffering by trying to fix it and make things come together [00:47:00] constantly be trying to move forward when actually we should just sit and allow yourself to be okay with it.
Britt: Yeah. Because it eventually does. those little tentacles of what is gonna resonate with you when you start to listen, which is what the quieting down is for, to find your listening.
Outro
---
Ashton: yeah, yeah. That's beautiful. Well, thank you so much for coming on here again For the second recording of this conversation. pleasure. And As always, I am sure there will be more, 'cause Brit and I can never stop talking, so
Britt: Yeah. And we can never stop transitioning.
Ashton: Truly. I mean, seriously, how, this is like number five in the last three years of my life of holding pattern for me. So I don't know why I do it to myself,
but We'll come back in August. Oh yeah. After
Britt: happened in after February
Ashton: True.
well, if anybody resonated with Britt's story or this [00:48:00] conversation, she is such an awesome human and would probably love if anyone reached out and just, if you want a massage, if you're in the, wherever the hell you'll be. I dunno where Brett will be. Canada somewhere, maybe a yacht. She might be on a yacht. Uh, um, or energy work. or if you wanna talk about tree planting, we didn't even get into that, but that is a whole world that you know about too. But yeah, I'll add your, your Instagram handle. And you don't have a website, do you?
Uh, no, You should create one. Not yet. Yeah. create one. Okay.
Okay. Yeah,
Britt: Maybe that'll be part of my in-between project right now. Yes.
Ashton: Well, we love that.
Okay, perfect. Well, thank you so much for being the first guest, and I love you, And I love your mind.
Britt: Yeah, I love you too. And my pleasure. It was so fun.
Ashton: All right.
Britt: having
Ashton: Yeah. I'll see everybody on the next episode.[00:49:00]
Britt: right. Woo.