Overcoming Call Reluctance | Wally Bressler

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Your fear of the phone is costing you millions. Get unstuck with Coach Wally Bressler

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Justin Stoddart

What is Think Bigger Real Estate?

The road to success for real estate agents is well-marked. The road to significance is not. Here, we help you to Think Bigger than just your business. We inspire you to seek success AND significance, income AND impact. We do that by interviewing the biggest thinkers and highest achievers in the real estate industry, extracting the secrets to having it all.

Justin Stoddart 0:00
And we are back excited today to share with you the secrets to help you overcome call reluctance. Oh, you know this your fear of the phone. And what could happen and will likely never happen is literally costing you millions of dollars. Today I've asked a friend of mine while he Bressler coach Wally Bressler, who runs the program, phone sales secrets to come in and just work with us a little bit to help us to overcome our fear for the phone. Wally, it's such a pleasure to have you here. Thanks for joining us today.

Wally Bressler 0:28
Hey, thanks so much good to be here. I'm very grateful that I can chat with you and your folks.

Justin Stoddart 0:32
Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that. I was very impressed by an interview that I heard you do. And I realized, now keep in mind that I teach agents specifically how to steal their warm market business. Yet, even in a warm market business folks, we still have the need to pick up the phone we live in, in a time in an era where whether it's zoom, whether it's phone, we need to be voice to voice with people. And if you are unwilling to do that, you are unwilling to make money in this industry, period. In fact, I just had this conversation with an agent yesterday who shared with me some challenges that a teammate of his is having. And I told him, I said, look, the reality is conversions come from conversations. And if if this agent isn't willing to be in conversations, and they're, they're just in the wrong spot tells you the wrong industry now that can change. And that's exactly why we brought you here today while he is to really help us talk about how, you know, we don't believe in fixed personalities or fixed people that people are, are constantly dynamic and can move and change. So first of all, let's get some background on you, Wally about kind of how you've gotten to this point where you're really the master of helping people to unlock this fear of calling.

Unknown Speaker 1:40
You're already putting pressure on me to inform. Okay, cool. Yeah, so it's interesting. I, obviously, I think a lot of what we teach in this lifetime up,

Justin Stoddart 1:49
do we lose, you know, I'm here, I hear, it's just all you buddy, front and center,

Unknown Speaker 1:54
all sudden, and he disappeared. So, you know, here's the thing, I think a lot of the lessons that we we learned in life, we impact how we treat other people and and work with other people, if that makes any sense. I suffered from call reluctance for 10 years myself, which is kind of bad, not bad. But basically, I didn't get my real estate license until I was 30. And the odd thing is I sold 72 houses in my first 14 months in the business for a while I was acquired every 10 years, you know, so. But you know, the fact of the matter is, is that, you know, how I got here was through a lot of trial and error and a lot of bad choices in my life that caused me to, you know, as I say, you know, become radically transparent with the fact that I needed help become radically honest with myself that, you know, I wasn't being the person I needed to be, and that I wasn't really living the life that I wanted to, and then taking radical responsibility for making the change in my life that I needed, you know, we are evolutionary in nature, meaning we are going to evolve, we're all going to change, right? In fact, but I think the cellular cellularly that we changed like our do all of our cells change or revive themselves once every seven years or something like that, but at least we're always in a state of change. And, you know, through the benefit, and I guess what the miracle, if you will, the magic of neuroplasticity, we can really change anything in our brain as well, if that makes any sense.

Justin Stoddart 3:11
Yeah, you know, it totally does. I, I think it's empowering for them to know that right, is that we aren't these fixed beings and with our destiny already set out is that the beautiful thing about being human that's unique about us is that we have the ability to change ourselves, right? It's so empowering, I think to hear somebody who now is, in my opinion, probably the foremost expert on helping people to overcome call reluctance, once struggled with it, right? It's not like that you've always been great, because that would defeat kind of the, like, the, you know, what we just shared is that you can actually change the fact that you were afraid of the phone. Now you teach people how to overcome that. It's awesome. It's inspiring.

Unknown Speaker 3:50
Just on top of that, I mean, I because of a lot of the challenges I had as a child, and you know, I was addicted to sex and pornography and money and in food for four plus decades, which really were Thank you, which really is somebody said, Well, he's the best. So thank you so much. But and really, you know, those addictions, you know, they they plagued me in a night they lived a life filled with sadness and self sabotage. And hourly, I looked like I was doing well, you know, I'm saying I was producing at a high level, I was helping people but internally, making lots of bad decisions, losing millions of dollars and ruining my relationships with family and friends, my ex wife, you know, and just I made a lot of bad choices. And so, you know, unfortunately, it took rock bottom for me to make the decision that I was going to go ahead and do something and turn my life around and become the person that I want it to be. I knew I could be, but I don't want anybody to hit rock bottom. But the fact of the matter is, is that you know, the key to making any change or really it starts with awareness, and becoming really, really aware of exactly why we can't pick up the phone and why we procrastinate and that perfectionism and impostor syndrome and and need for acceptance and need for approval that literally keeps us from moving forward. have no business. And I'm a firm believer that there's enough money for everybody in real estate if people want to go ahead and do what they want to do, but there's people who get this cliff Freeman would say their unfair, share that because they're willing to do what other people don't do. And that's pick up the phone and talk to people who they do know what they don't know, and build relationships with them, and then turn those relationships into mutually beneficial relationships where their prospects and clients get great service great houses, they'll drink for themselves. And in turn for that these agents, you know, they get rewarded handsomely for what they do.

Justin Stoddart 5:30
Again, inspiring to hear you say that I think anybody that struggled with call reluctance, or anything else should be inspired by what you just shared. You just open up the claws and said, guys, here is everything I've struggled with. And I believe that that's probably a really good lesson for all of us. It's just admitting the fact that like, hey, Houston, we have a problem here, right? Something's not right, that I'm in a conversation business. And I'm afraid of having conversation. So how in the you know, what am I ever supposed to have success, leading people on their biggest buying or selling decision? If that phone weighs 500 pounds, right? And I think just people coming forward to say, look, yeah, that's me. Like, I really don't like whether it's even fear of me answering the phone or me picking up the phone and calling sometimes the people that I know and love already. Other times, it's strangers, right? But either way, there's a problem here, if you're unwilling and scared of doing those things, and I think you just shared a perfect example of like, first of all, you've just got to be transparent and honest to yourself to say, Yes, something isn't right here

Unknown Speaker 6:31
are lots of all right. In here, interestingly enough, just to kind of break it down a little bit, you know, 40% of seasoned salespeople, real estate agents, 80% of new salespeople, real estate agents, they already have some sort of call reluctance, okay. And, you know, there's there's kind of put it into different categories. There's, there's call reluctance as a result of syntax, knowing what to do, when to do it, how to do it, where to do it, what to say when to say it, how to say it. But through practice, and trial and error and getting on the phone and makes messing up and learning from those lessons. You can overcome that in pretty short order. The car reluctance that I really focus on is call reluctance that's created by emotional challenges, right things hidden identities, I call them where we have these, like beliefs about ourselves that don't necessarily exist outwardly. But internally, they are really helping us. They're really controlling the decisions we make, about what we think we can and can't do what we think we are and are not worthy of if that makes any sense. Right. And so people walk around their entire life saying I hate cold calling, I don't want to bother anybody else. They don't need my services I don't like when people call me You know, I don't want you know, when really what it comes down to is that, you know, their belief about themselves, what they think they can and can't do, what they think they are and are worth of worth are really is what's driving those, those those dialogues. The other thing is, is 65% of people who are in sales actually have a very, very strong need to be liked. okay to want to be liked. You know, I'm saying if you know what to be need to be liked, and the neat let the lead to be like, be so pervasive in your life that it prevents you from doing the things you need to do to create a great business or life for yourself. That's when it's a problem.

Justin Stoddart 8:01
Very good distinction, right? Yeah, I think everybody here loves that. You know, that affirmation, you're doing good things and that, you know, you're helpful, but to need it is different kind of going back to some of the addictions that, that you and all of us have struggled with, at some point in our lives is it there's, it's, it's different when you when you need it to survive, right? You see people that are addicted to drugs or nicotine or whatever, when it takes away your freewill when it takes away your agency. Like you have to have it and you will no longer almost don't have a choice you still do. But that that that choice is feels more more limited, because the need is so great. We're like, saying that that is an addiction that people need that affirmation is fascinating to hear. And I agree with you, I think that really lies at the root of it. Right? And how do people overcome that? While they let's say, it's like, yeah, that's me, I really want to be liked. And frankly, when I call people who don't know me, often have to get people that are cranky that don't like me, don't like the call, like, how do you how do you help them through that?

Unknown Speaker 9:03
You know, it's interesting, it's funny because a lot of people have this just do it attitude, I, you know, I should just be picking up the phone and just making calls or I should just get over it. But if you if you could do that it would already be done. Right? And you can do it but it's a matter of doing the things you need to do. So, you know, I tell people I'm like well, the first thing we need to do is find out what battle are we fighting here? What enemy are we trying to overtake? Right You can't hit a target if you can't see it. So the first thing is to become aware of exactly why you have a need for approval. Why? You have self esteem issues and by the way, I don't believe we have self esteem issues that are the same level across the board. Right? I mean, for me getting in front of people and talking high self esteem sales, high self esteem wanting to be a ballerina, low self esteem, right? You don't say you don't become a put your makeup on to do your hair, low self esteem, right? So it's not it's not right. It's not self esteem across the board. It varies based when we do so somebody can have a lot of self esteem as a parent and then things that did their hobbies and Other things I like to do, when it comes to sales and getting on the phone that can be a lot lower. Right. So I don't want somebody to think that they have that they're just they hate themselves and don't like themselves. And, you know, they don't think they're worthy. It's just in that area, their self esteem is such that it prevents them from, you know, doing what they need to do to get where they need to go. So, real simple strategy is what I my clients do take my class, just, you know, after we're done with this event, if you're watching this, whether you're watching it live or recorded later on, we'll get to five by seven notecards. And on our right, just just write a question, what is the source of my call reluctance? Or if you're a perfectionist or procrastinator, you know, whatever it is self sabotage, what is the source of my procrastination? What is the source of my, my perfectionism. And that's what you keep one on your desk near you all day and what you go on next your bed and by tomorrow morning, you're going to know what it is. And it's likely going to be some sort of trauma you experience. So you either have like, physically abused, sexually abused, emotionally abused, near death experience, you saw somebody else died. You know, people who like we're at a carnival and net loss for three or four hours that a family member get lost for three or four hours, you know, car accidents, like it's something that really shocked you, or Josie right? Could have been you were bullied. Bullying is terrible, terrible, terrible for our self esteem. A lot of times, that's where that need for acceptance and approval comes from because, you know, we look for approval in two places when we're children, because we spend most of our time at home or at school, right? You know, it could be a it could be a hidden identity created. I mean, you know, I grew up with very little money. And my parents, no one ever said, we were poor. But, you know, you look at your clothes, you look at other kids clothes, you look at other kids going on vacation, you're not going to vacation them and I literally just said I had like lunch envy, like literally I would have like an apple or a sandwich and some crackers. And other kids at school would have literally like a buffet, you know, I'm saying candy and sodas and cakes. And so for my like, you know, and this is i squandered $5 million in my lifetime because of a poverty consciousness and not really valuing money, you know? And then or it could be a learned belief system. You had a parent, you know, like when you were a kid, and your dad said, hey, you know what? Don't try anything today. Justin, don't go being self employed. Don't try to think Justin because it's dauterman. Nothing good ever happens for them. Or, you know, like COVID guy, you know, I've spent the majority of my life overweight because of binge eating disorder since I was six. And, you know, my dad, overweight guy. My parents were good people. They just weren't great parents because they didn't have good role models themselves. But I remember we were I was standing in the kitchen, and I had like this little Dunlap's, these are your belly Dunlap over your belt, sign this this small belly and my dad looked at he says that's never gonna go away. Your grandfather had it, I have it, you're gonna have it too. Okay? locked in for life. Right? So anyway, we something happens. And when those things happen, it triggers our our fight or flight response, our sympathetic nervous system. And for people that call reluctance usually flight, it's run, you know, I'm saying and so we create this, this enemy inside of us that says, when anything comes and triggers that fear, we run we hide. And it just gets worse and worse and worse and worse and worse over age, you know, I'm saying grows and like little seedling to a sequoia tree. So by the time you're an adult, and it's time to get on the phone, you know, you may not even realize this common reluctance you just, you know, for you. It's a I don't do that, because I don't do that. Right. And so that's what we have to first find out is what happened, where's the call come from? And I can tell you, it's, you know, the relief that I see in people's eyes and we identify it. Really, it's it's kind of a double edged sword because they're sad, because Oh, man. Wow, that's it. And then they go, Well, there's hope now, because now I can do something with it. Right? It's like going to the doctor, you know, you go to the doctor, you save a headache, the doctors, okay, lay down, we're gonna operate. He's like, Where does it hurt? Inside Outside? Is it pounding? Is it consistent is an intermittent, you know, I'm saying and he finds a word as they become aware. And then they administer the, the note the prescription, right. And so we find out what it is that's causing it. And then we really worked on identifying the emotions that come up, when that happens, and working on a mindfulness, which is basically just like focusing on being present and not worrying about the future of the past. Right? It's about focusing on the future, all the bad things that can happen, I'm going to get anxious, right? Fearful. If I focus on the past, and I get thinking depressing and sad. But if I'm focusing on what's happening right now, it's hard for me to focus on either of those things, right. So really focus on teaching people to just take control of those emotions that come up, when it's time to get on the phone. And then we go into, we're rewiring their brain. And you know, here's the thing, we've been wiring our brain our entire lives, like when we're little kids, our brains are like savings accounts. But then we can only make deposits, right? You're bad, you're stupid, you're dumb, you're an idiot, you're poor, you're bad. You're right. And nobody teaches how to take them out. We just take them all in and we spend our lives, letting emotions come in and doing whatever they're going to do to us, right, we don't control them. So we really work on rewiring our brain and change what we say to ourselves and change the inputs and really work on mindfulness. Here's a great thing. One of the things that mindfulness does for you, which is really just being present and focusing on your breathing and whatnot. Is it really it reduces emotional reactivity. Okay, there's people have super busy brains. And if you're anything like I was, your brain is rolling when you go to bed. And if you're lucky enough to go to sleep, if you wake up your brain is just continuing to roll Right, because that's your just your brain, your brain says, Hey, listen, we want to get rid of this, we want to get rid of this, deal with it, deal with it. And we don't. And we keep pushing it down in our brain. And we're in this fight, you know. And so mindfulness decreases emotional reactivity and doesn't so much intellectually start to work for you. Like the things that bother you that freak you out. If you do enough, mindfulness will not freak you out anymore, your brain won't even let it in. Because you said to brain, we don't let that happen. So we work on rewiring people's brains and focusing on what they want, instead of what they don't want, who they want to be, instead of who they don't want to be who they tell themselves they are. And then we focus on what drives them really find out what drives them. And I actually help people find out what their real Why is, find so many people like I don't know, why is it we should have My why is when people confuse their wives with their wives or their wives with the who's like, you know, my kids, or my wife might, this new car is my wife, this house is my wife, like your kids are a who, right? Doing something for your kids, it's a lie, making sure that your kids have plenty of money when they grow up, because you were poor when you were a kid, and what you're gonna do to make that happen. That's why having crappy cars your entire life, and having have a reliable car, to the point where you want to go buy a big fat BMW that says sit nice car, a cool whip, you know, and what you're going to get that that's a why. And so basically, kind of take people through this process of, of focusing on all the bad and the pain of the negativity and all the stuff they're running from, and start working on making space that we can let the good stuff and like what we want for the future. And when that happens, we're going to get on the phone because we see that we're worth it. And we see that we're worth what's going to happen as a result of it. And we stopped giving a rat's ass what people think about us, because what people thinks about us is none of our business. Right? Abraham Maslow said at best, he said, we get into basically independent of the good opinion of other people. So really, to answer your question was a long answer to your question, which is, you know, let's go find out why, why we're worried people don't like us. And let's get to the point where we can go ahead and stop making the fear of people not liking us even show up in our brain. And let's create some space and start loving ourselves and caring about ourselves. And let's focus on what we want and realize that nothing anybody can say or do to us is going to stop us from becoming who we want to be in creating what we want in our lives.

Justin Stoddart 17:07
You know, I just have a million thoughts run through my head for everything you've shared here is absolutely brilliant. I wish we had more time. We had just a few minutes here, I'll just want to make a couple points really quickly. One of my key mentors, kept a couple of them have talked about how, if you knew how few people would come to your funeral, and people who would not come because it's raining, or wouldn't go to the, you know, to the grave side, because it's like you would start to realize, like, people don't think about me as much as I would like them to. And I put way too much stock in their opinions, kind of like what you're saying, is it like, there's no reason for me to guide my life around what they think of me because the reality is that they're not thinking about me that much. We're all thinking to ourselves, that was awful. But it's true. Oh, it's true. When I think the thing, that story that stood out to me, it's actually my favorite movie of all time is Rudy and my kids are like that, it's kind of boring. But the storyline there is so powerful. And I related to what you were talking about is like the root huggers were like they weren't college people, right? They didn't go to like Rutgers didn't go to college, they worked in the steel mill. And that's just what they did. They had all these things to overcome. And then you see this beautiful story of him overcoming it, and making his family, like so proud of the fact that he didn't listen to them. And he went on to become something great, right? Not only a college student, but also somebody who played in the Notre Dame football game. And I think to me that really stands out about this story that each and every one of us can if you know what I'm talking about run out of that tunnel with a shiny gold helmet on like Rudy did. Right? Whatever that looks like for you whether it be creating the life the business that you dream of. By overcoming this by having your own Rudy story not listening to those those inputs that came at you, you know, throughout your you. I want to I want to stop really quickly wildly because I'm hoping that you become kind of a regular inside our Think bigger real estate Facebook group here because there's so much value that you bring to the table. But I know that there are people who are going to want to get more value from you before we have you back on. So my question to you is what's the best way for people to begin to soak up more of the value that you have the talk

Unknown Speaker 19:10
directly they can go join my Facebook group phone sales secrets on Facebook, they can go in and request to be added I'll add them. I offer everybody who wants to talk a free you know, no obligation, no cost, you know 15 minute conversation you have any problems like this, you want to find out why I usually find out help you find out about 1015 minutes so you can hop on my calendar if you go to phone sales secrets.com You can grab some time, my calendar and a man's heart with the two best ways to connect with me. I you know, it's funny, I brought that up. I brought that that um, what do you call it? The guy's name was fortunate in the movie that Charles S Dutton played. I brought the quote up, it's like you're either members of your five foot nothing, you're 100 Nothing. And he had barely a speck of athletic ability and you hung in there with the best college football players for two years. You know, you're gonna walk out of here with a degree from nope the University of Notre Dame and then I picked this up and says This like you don't have to prove nothing to nobody but yourself. And after what you've gone through if you haven't done that by now it ain't never gonna happen now go on back. So I think it was perfect that you that you brought that up because I think that you have you got nothing to prove to nobody. So

Justin Stoddart 20:14
while you give me goosebumps funny, it's no wonder my kids.

Unknown Speaker 20:17
Most of myself I'm like, as soon as you said that I made on my end, like five foot nothing 100 another good friend of mine, Nick Matt, and actually did a documentary on Rudy and then him personally and you can get that on, on on Amazon. Great, great stuff really a solid inside look at that. So, but thanks for having me today. Man. I'm honored that you would let me come and speak to your group and speaking so I appreciate it.

Justin Stoddart 20:40
Such a pleasure. I look forward to doing more together. And everybody if you're looking to overcome call reluctance, because again, it's costing you millions. It's literally costing millions of dollars and missed opportunity by not overcoming this one thing. So we should reach out to Wally. Thank you and appreciate it so much. Well, I probably not you've often heard them, talk to them.