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That’s Not Very Ladylike is the podcast for every woman who was told to be polite, stay calm, or stop being so dramatic, meanwhile her hormones, boundaries, and sanity were quietly falling apart.
Hosted by Tracey Willingham, licensed social worker and the voice behind That Hormone Girl™, each episode starts with one rule: Ladies don’t…and then they do it anyway.
Together, we unpack the unspoken expectations, the emotional labor, the generational BS, and the hormone chaos modern women are carrying and we get honest about what it actually takes to feel like yourself again.
If you’re ready to question the rules, trust your body, and stop shrinking to make everyone else comfortable, you’re in the right place.
You're listening to That's Not Very Ladylike, the show where every week, we start with one rule, ladies don't, and then we do it anyway. I'm Tracy Willingham and you might know me as That Hormone Girl. In today's episode, we are staying loud and raising a little help by talking about ladies don't speak honestly to their god. They censor their pain. Before we begin, first, welcome back to another episode of that's not very ladylike.
Tracey:I want to name a couple of things. This episode could make some people frustrated, maybe feel like I'm disrespectful. And so I just really wanna lay a couple things out before we just jump in. So this episode may feel tender or stirring for some people, and I absolutely recognize that. And it's not because it's graphic, but it's because I am touching on faith, trust, honesty, and the places where many women learned to stay quiet.
Tracey:Second, when I say God in this episode, I am speaking inclusively. So I am a licensed social worker in the state of Texas and I'm friends with people from a lot of different walks. And so it's just important to me in this podcast that there's space for however you identify what your higher power of choice is. And for some I understand that may be too much and you've got to exit and I respect that. But I'm also hoping maybe we can all have some open minds And whenever I'm using the term God, apply it to how that fits into your life.
Tracey:So whatever name feels safe or familiar to you. And I want you to know, I'm not going deep in on religion, rules or doctrine. We're not doing any of that today. It's about relationship. And one more thing because I think this is just funny.
Tracey:And especially as people get to meet me, their shocked faces. I never know how to really interpret it. So my first career before becoming a social worker, was a youth minister for a couple of years. And I know it really surprises people. Sometimes it's my language and sometimes it's just my personality.
Tracey:So but that season of life really shaped how I understand faith, honesty, and the cost of silence in ways that I am even still unpacking. So we're going to lean in today. We're going to talk about some subjects that sometimes are a little touchy. And so I would just say, let's all take a deep breath and just go into this with an open mind. And if this isn't the episode for you, that's okay, because I have plenty of others.
Tracey:So many women do learn very early, though, what kind of faith is acceptable. And that is you are grateful, you are quiet, and you are composed, and faith that doesn't ask too many questions, and faith that doesn't make other people uncomfortable, and always faith that looks good from the outside. So we even learn how to pray in ways that sound respectful, even when our insides are feeling anything but that in the moment. So when we're angry, we swallow it. When we're hurt, we soften it.
Tracey:When we're confused, disappointed, exhausted, we tell ourselves we should just be more grateful and or faithful. Be more patient. Be more trusting. And slowly, something subtle happens. Our prayers stop being conversations, and they start becoming performances.
Tracey:We say what sounds right, we hide what feels messy, and we edit ourselves before we ever open our mouths. And it's not because we're dishonest people, but it's because we were taught that honesty in sacred spaces is dangerous. So I want to tell you about something I learned as a youth minister in my short experience. So when I was a youth minister, one of the things I taught the kids and I worked with varying levels, but really I worked with the teens, which is teenagers are my superpower, man. I love teenagers.
Tracey:And so one of the things I taught those teenagers very intentionally was that they could always speak honestly to God. I told them God could handle their anger, their confusion, their grief, and definitely could handle their questions. And that prayer didn't need the right words. You did not need to sound polite or polished, That they didn't need to clean themselves up before showing up. You just show up in front of your God like it's one of your BFFs, one of your pals.
Tracey:Because I genuinely believed, and I still do, that any higher power, any god wants communion, not performance. So I told them honesty, it wasn't disrespectful And that pretending that you're not feeling something or that you don't want to say something, that's not faith. And that real relationships require truth. And something started. The kids started naming things they had never said out loud in front of me before.
Tracey:They were talking about how angry they were about their parents' divorce, fearful about their future, who did they want to be, what did they want to do, What did adulthood look like? And pain that none of us even knew they were carrying and they certainly didn't know where to put it. You could feel the shift among the youth. And it was relief, connection, even just sometimes a deep breath. And then the parents found out.
Tracey:So I was called into a meeting. I sat across from very angry adults in the office, and they told me I was teaching their children to disrespect God, that I was encouraging rebellion, and that how dare I allow kids to express anger or doubt. And what I was doing was very dangerous to the point of you don't have a job dangerous. And I'll never forget, one parent looked at me and put her finger in my face and said, How dare you teach my child to talk to God like that? And I remember sitting there thinking, If honesty with God is disrespect, then what have we even been calling faith?
Tracey:What is faith? So let's slow this down. And this is where I want us to pause, and I want to let you think. We don't have to agree or disagree. I just want us all to sit and consider.
Tracey:Because many women weren't taught that God was unsafe. They were taught that women are unsafe. We are unsafe when we are angry too much. We are unsafe when we have doubts. Those are threatening.
Tracey:And you certainly need to make sure that your grief, it needs to be wrapped in gratitude to even be voiced and accepted. So faith became another place where once again women were told, Manage yourself. This is another place to be good. This is another place to be quiet. This is another place that you don't always need to say the whole truth.
Tracey:But here's something important to notice. If the place that is supposed to hold everything, fear, rage, grief, longing, confusion. If that all becomes another place where once again you are self editing, where does the truth go? Because as we talk about in a lot of these episodes, the truth does not disappear. It just leaves your mouth and moves into your body if you haven't said it in the way that you needed to say it.
Tracey:And if you didn't say it, it's definitely just hanging around in there inside your body. So women really are often taught questioning is dangerous, doubt means weakness, and anger means disrespect. So here's what we do. Instead of telling the truth, we spiritualize the discomfort. And I want you to think about it.
Tracey:We call it silence. We call silence peace. I have peace. We call suppression obedience. And we call endurance faith.
Tracey:But the nervous system, it doesn't respond to pretending. Unspoken anger does not dissolve in prayer. It just settles. But it settles in your jaw, in your shoulders, in your chest, in your gut. And when you've spent years censoring yourself, even in sacred spaces, your body never fully relaxes because it never feels safe enough to be honest.
Tracey:And here's another question worth holding gently. What if faith was never meant to be about sounding certain but about staying in relationship. Because any relationship that can't hold honesty is not a healthy relationship. And if God is who we say God is to us, maybe that's all knowing, all present, capable of holding the full range of human emotions that many times we believe has created this being and these emotions, then honesty isn't risky. It's required.
Tracey:So what honest prayer actually sounds like, you don't need to sound grateful to be faithful, and you don't need to be calm to be connected, And you don't need to understand everything to tell the truth about how it feels because real prayer, real meditation isn't polished. It's raw. And it's going to sound like this. This hurts. This feels unfair.
Tracey:I don't understand. I'm angry. I want something different. I'm tired of always being strong. And that kind of honesty doesn't break faith, it deepens it.
Tracey:Because intimacy requires truth. So what I want you to think about is what changes when you stop censoring yourself. And here's what I've seen over and over again. When women stop editing themselves with faith, something shifts internally. The breath slows, shoulders drop, the body softens.
Tracey:Not because you said a prayer and you were honest and everything's magically fixed, but for the first time possibly, the truth finally has somewhere to go. You're no longer carrying it alone. You're no longer pretending it doesn't exist. You're letting yourself be fully seen even in the places that you were told being fully seen is unacceptable. And that's not rebellion.
Tracey:That's intimacy. So I to give you some permission. Give yourself some space here. And I want to offer these as reflections. These are not homework.
Tracey:And you don't have to answer them all today. You don't even have to answer them at all. But just notice what stirs when I ask these questions. Where have you learned to censor yourself with your higher being? What emotions feel unsafe or unacceptable to name aloud?
Tracey:What would it feel like to stop editing even for one sentence in a prayer? And if your prayer were honest instead of appropriate, what would you say? And I want to remind you, you don't need to fix anything. You don't need to explain yourself. You need to just notice, because awareness is already a form of honesty.
Tracey:So if this episode stirred something in you, let that be enough for today. You don't need better words. You don't need stronger faith. And you definitely don't need to be more composed. You are allowed to tell the truth even if your voice shakes, even if you cry, even if it feels messy, even if you've never said what you are about to say out loud before.
Tracey:Because honesty isn't disrespectful. And to me, it's what real healthy relationships look like. And in my opinion, it's what real faith looks like. And that is the most unladylike thing of all. Thanks for joining me today for that's not very ladylike.
Tracey:If today's episode lit a fire, pushed your buttons, or called a little BS on the stories we've been sold, share it with another woman who's tired of being told to tone it down, smile more, or play nice, and help a girl out by making sure you subscribe, leave a quick review, and catch me on Instagram at that hormone girl. And until next time, keep getting loud, messy, and raising hell because being ladylike is overrated.